i think qinyao's dynamic is superbly underrated. that horror of a marriage. she loves him, and she doesn't know why he won't touch her. he loves her, but not in the way he once did, and the very thought of touching her makes him feel ill. after rusong dies, he's so relieved that she doesn't want to have another child, and feels horrible for it. if she hadn't married him, she would have been happy, he thinks. she would've never had to grieve like this. in public they are perfectly normal, the picture of a happy marriage, and only the two of them know the truth. and i don't think they ever talk about the cracks in their marriage, up until it's FAR too late. I Am Sick over them.

ahhhhhHHHHHHHHH

Their whole Situation is THE MOST DISTRESSING because it should have been so good! It probably still could have been if neither of them had known! Maybe it would even have been workable if someone had told QS sooner so she and JGY could navigate it all together. But no! Instead we get JGY keeping everything under wraps and continuing on as though This Is A Perfect Marriage And Everything Is Fine when it's not.

And the way in which it's not fine is fascinating, too. "Well-to-do couple's perfect-on-paper marriage is dysfunctional AF " is a common trope in US and UK fiction, but the dysfunction is usually this destructive, vicious thing. One or both of them is abusive, one or both of them is cheating, one or both of them is addicted to something to cope, one or both of them blames the other for all of these problems, one or both of them never loved the other at all. But JGY and QS aren't serving Don and Betty Draper vibes here. They care for each other! They treat each other with kindness! Even when she's sick with disgust and fury, QS confirms that JGY treated her well.

Which makes it more excruciating, honestly, because technically, Nothing Is Wrong. If they didn't love each other, it would be easy to exist apart. Yes, his wife's presence fills him with dread that won't abate, but to break the engagement would ruin her reputation, and none of this is her fault, and he's seen and dealt with worse, and he loves her, so he'll carry on. Yes, her husband abruptly withdrew all physical intimacy, but it's better than a husband who demands sex she doesn't want, and he's faithful to her, and he's so attentive otherwise, and she loves him, so she'll make the best of it. They're both trying so hard, and the situation is too messed up for it to be enough but not messed up enough for them to give up.