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eggs-love-loki · 4 years

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Long post warning and spoiler warning for the Artemis Fowl movie

Here’s a collection of things I wrote down that offended me as a reader of the Artemis Fowl books. I have re read the first three books in the last few days so my memory is fresh.

Artemis II has morals. Disgusting. He is shocked and offended when the news calls Artemis I a criminal. In the third book, Artemis II is literally offended when his father wants to stop being criminals.

Artemis II also seems to be not only in good physical shape but is ACTIVE. VOLUNTARILY! This child was known to look like a vampire because spending all day looking at computer screens bleached the life out of his skin and you’re going to tell me he can SURF???

His dad (Artemis I) is a decent father. Leaves a lot but is at least a kind and loving father when home. Book Artemis I is not a good dad until he gets a near death experience and some fairy magic. Artemis II expects their first conversation after Artemis I wakes up to be about the family business, which I think indicates a lot about their relationship before Artemis I goes missing.

Artemis’ mom is dead??? (At least that’s what I got from the therapy conversation) Disney’s love of dead mothers strike again I guess. His mom is actually the only moral one in the family and is one of the primary motivators of his few selfless actions that occur in the first book.

This was the worst one so far- Calling Butler not only by his first name, but by a nickname from his first introduction. He doesn’t go by his first name until he is shot in the heart and literally seconds away from death in the third book, sharing his name with Artemis before being on his death bed is wholly against his code as a bodyguard.

Juliet Butler is now Butler’s niece instead of younger sister and is the same age as Artemis instead of older. I don’t know why they did this. I was expecting a forced romance plot with Juliet and Artemis but that didn’t happen, so I can’t figure out what the purpose of this change was.

Butler (Dom 🤢) and Juliet are black instead of European-Asian. I’d say it’s good that they’re still POC EXCEPT for the fact that they white washed Holly, a main character, and then moved the black character status to side characters when instead we could’ve had a black main character and European-Asian side characters. You don’t get diversity points when you took away book canon diversity. And, Butler and Juliet’s roles are significantly lessened, especially since one of Butler’s primary roles is being an actual father figure for Artemis. Since Artemis I is a decent father, Butler’s father figure role seriously lacks the emotional connection that exists in the book because even when Artemis I wasn’t missing he was still a cold and absent father. Butler was Artemis II’s only real dad for the first few books.

It doesn’t look like Holly even tries to be shielded in the troll fight? I know they have to be wiped anyways but she still wouldn’t just fly around in front of them willy nilly. Actually, I don’t think they’re using shields or camo foil at all since they transported the troll with no shielding.

I’m still upset at Root being a woman. They gave Holly a traitor father plot, which may be something in the later books that I don’t remember, but it’s not anywhere near as powerful or interesting a sub plot as Holly’s book sub plot of being the first female LEPrecon officer. I know 2020 is a lot different than early 2000s but there’s still value and power in a female character being the one breaking glass ceilings.

Josh Gad is a short human but idk why they couldn’t CGI him to be actually as short as the other magic people. Mulch is not a giant dwarf. He is a literal dwarf. This is the only complaint I have with Mulch though, he was probably closest to his book version so he passes.

Artemis II doesn’t believe in fairies at first when him being a child who still believes in fairies is the whole driving motivation of his big plot in the first book.

As I suspected, this is kind of a blending of book plots. Missing/recovering the father from the first two books, with Opal Koboi acting as the big bad. Artemis does kidnap Holly but it’s with an intention of saving his father instead of selfish motivations. I’m still appalled that they gave him morals. Disgusting.

I’d be mad at them speeding up his friendship with Holly but it’s cute so I’ll let it slide. If she hadn’t punched him in the face I wouldn’t have let it slide but she did punch him so it’s okay.

Sequel bait! Also, Artemis calls himself a criminal mastermind when he’s only done a single criminal thing and it was for the greater good lmao. Kidnapping Holly BARELY counts when you became best friends and let her go in like an hour. Also, the Fowls are apparently protectors of the secret of fairies now. Which Artemis does kind of eventually become that in the books but it’s largely out of self interest (getting to keep patents over his adapted fairy tech and such) and only partially out of friendship with specific fairies.

It’s kind of impressive how many elements they put into the movie from the first book while having a completely different plot than the first book.

Overall, I wish that they had done a more faithful adaptation to the books, but it’s not a terrible movie. Not great, but not the worst movie I’ve watched. Not anywhere close to as good as the books.

Also, I think that the book has a much more opinionated feeling than the movie does. A lot of the scenes in the first book that occur in Haven are about the problems with the LEP (who are, obviously, representing the police force). A lot of it is discussion of lack of funding, lack of diversity, the political aspects of getting promoted to command. The book has things to say. Not just about LEP/police forces but about society as a whole, later books address gang violence, address billionaires and selfishness leading them to watch the world burn. The billionaire CEO villain of the third book literally says something like “I’m dying in a few decades, I have no family, no kids, I have no reason to care about the next generation, so I’ll get rich and the world can burn for all I care.” The books have opinions about things it talks about. The movie has nothing. It doesn’t take any stances about ANYTHING the books address. It’s very hollow.

(And, let me say I blame none of this on the actors. The kids did a great job, I think they have a good future because these were solid performances. It’s not the fault of his actor that Artemis isn’t book Artemis, it’s not the fault of Holly or the Butlers that they had their race changed, that’s all on the writers, directors, and casting directors. I think that the actors all played what they were given well, but what they were given wasn’t good.)

#i dont get why you buy rights to a popular book and then like. dont make the book.#just make your own fairy movie if youre not going to be faithful to the books in any capacity #artemis fowl movie #artemis fowl #long post

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