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vaguely-concerned · 5 months

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Thoughts upon finishing Master and Apprentice! A good double read with Padawan; the ending of that leaving Obi-Wan slightly hopeful about his relationship to Qui-Gon makes for a very sad yet hilarious ‘Local Padawan loses last little bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of vibe to the beginning of this one, which is set one (1) year later and Obi-Wan is So Done with Qui-Gon’s whole deal by this point (correctly btw). Also if you can’t tell already I will not be objective or free from bias in this because I love Obi-Wan so much and some of the stuff Qui-Gon pulled made me incandescent with rage on his behalf <3 let’s go

- 'oh obi-wan, you're so mature for your age, I keep forgetting you're only seventeen years old,' qui-gon says, word for word, repeatedly, in master and apprentice, apparently willfully deaf to the industrial-sized warning bells about their relationship dynamic that should probably be setting off in his head. qui-gon believes in vibing with the living force and being in the moment right up until the moment requires him to pay attention to the kid he's raising for more than oh, one and a half minutes of self-effacing inner monologue and then he's like 'well unfortunately there is simply no time for that right now there are prophecies to be pondered'. (the fact that the admission that obi-wan has essentially been left to raise himself emotionally and the resigned reframing of that as 'and maybe that is a good thing!' is part of the olive branch they extend to each other towards the end... will my sadness never end)

- most of all it's so heartbreaking to me that qui-gon seemingly never understands just how much obi-wan as a person is rooted deeply in shame. I don't think that's a feeling that's particularly prevalent in qui-gon's own inner world so he doesn't recognize how central it is in obi-wan's psychology and completely misunderstands and misaligns with him again and again and again and then gets annoyed with obi-wan for that, thus making the shame even deeper. doubly painful because he does see the way rael lives so much of his life out of shame now and feels sad about it, but can't see the way he's contributing to obi-wan doing so. this is what fucks me up so bad about the generational trauma in star wars -- no one here meant to be cruel. for all his faults I do think qui-gon does love obi-wan and doesn't mean to hurt him. but the original sin of the prequels as far as I'm concerned is qui-gon tenderly drying away obi-wan's tears as he's dying even while completely failing to see him, his eyes too fixed on anakin's future to actually be with obi-wan, who's there right now and needs him.

these are simply very different people trying and failing to understand each other, and the harm that can still happen in that… 'if you love me, you don't love me in a way I understand', all the way through the disaster line, even when the love is there, it is there, that’s what hurts the most, it just doesn’t reach where it’s needed, there’s a connection that doesn’t happen. (ironically I think ahsoka doesn't doubt that anakin loves her, it's just uh everything else that went down. so y'know family curse broken! new even more fucked up curse achieved now with more child murder. I mean there already was some child murder in this family but anakin upped the game exponentially)

- a lil guy who's basically tarzan except the gorillas are replaced with protocol droids and then he becomes a jewel thief is one of the funniest star wars concepts I've ever heard and I hope pax and rahara get to pop up in more star wars media, they’re great fun. (also an idea I think would be super fun to make a character/campaign around in Edge of the Empire or something, everyone playing different droids and then one person being robo-parented lol)

- was not prepared to have rael posit a theory of what essentially seems to be the jedi version of predestination in his despair, but I do love to see it haha. especially interesting since he, qui-gon and dooku must be among the people alive who've studied the prophecies in most depth, and they've all reached different conclusions -- dooku decides to join the war of light and dark on the side of dark for some reason, qui-gon (possibly the stubbornest fucker the jedi order ever produced) 'turns towards the light not to win some great cosmic game, but because it is the light', and rael in the middle falls into the depressed apathy of 'it doesn't matter what we do here, the outcome is already decided; for there to be true balance there has to be as much dark as light in the world so we're fucked'. but in the end he does take qui-gon's words to heart and turns towards the light rather than accepting dooku's offer, even if he might not believe it makes a difference in the long run. man I love rael. hobo-looking sonofabitch living in a castle for eight years will just suddenly fling out some deep jedi theology huh

- master rael 'I'm gonna make up for the big terrible mistake I made on accident by making an even bigger more premeditated mistake on purpose' averross (affectionate)

- the added layer to dooku’s fascination with prophecy after reading dooku: jedi lost — that his best friend in the world was a seer who couldn’t turn it off and it destroyed him……….. dooku you’re not getting him back if you just understand what he saw you know that right

- the more I read of master and apprentice the more I realize that the reason yoda and qui-gon don't get along is that they're two of the judgiest bitches the jedi order ever produced. They’re like two cats scowling judgmentally at each other from opposite sides of the room pretending to live and let live while going ‘you’re wrong tho’ internally.

- I dunk on him constantly (not entirely without affection, however grudging), but Qui-Gon is genuinely a really interesting character. He’s so… he’s so. He’s infuriating but he’s infuriating in an equidistant sort of way. You feel me. He’s pissing everyone off equally and he just doesn’t care because again, he’s the stubbornest judgiest bitch around and thinks he’s right all the time. I would be free to just enjoy his ornery ‘no actually I’m right about this’ ass and the chaos he wreaks so much more if Obi-Wan didn’t have to live with the emotional consequences of it lol.

- poor rael closing in on fifty with his puriteen middle-aged little brother clutching pearls about his getting laid once in a blue moon fhdskjahfas. again a really interesting insight into different ways of interpreting the jedi code, though, I love seeing the jedi not be an ideological monolith. to be fair to rael, having sex sometimes does seem to be the indulgence he has that causes the least conflict with his principles or loyalties so you know what honestly force speed you my friend why not. (and then there's qui-gon 'noooo sex is only okay if you're In Love (implied: like I was)!!!' jinn lmao. I wonder what he'd think of anakin and padme's relationship, would that pass the 'being sufficiently purely in love' test for him) I do like how consistently it’s shown that rael doesn’t mean to be cruel or unkind in anything he says, he always notices something landing too close to home and then pulls carefully back from it instead of pushing on. He seems to be the emotional intelligence powerhouse in this lineage (as long as he doesn’t have his feelings too tangled up in something, at least).

Dooku: jedi lost also shows us that dooku absolutely knows rael is out there in the galaxy laying pipe and is, at worst, softly amused by it. So in this little family unit it’s only qui-gon losing his mind over it fjsdkafa I’m so used to having qui-gon be the wild card maverick compared to obi-wan ‘*in tears* but what are the RULES master’ kenobi, it’s so fucking funny that within the context that raised him he’s the stick in the mud

I guess. the book also had a plot and it was not bad! some interesting insights about how the republic interacted with the big corporations and just how fucked everything already was by this point. I'm a pretty character-driven reader so that's what sticks with me for the most part

- obi-wan’s big teenage rebellion here being that sometimes. Occasionally. When he really loses his temper and gets hot under the collar. He’ll say something slightly passive aggressive out loud instead of keeping it contained inside his head. And qui-gon still can’t handle that gracefully AT ALL he snaps right back fdjskfhas. (I guess he also snitches on qui-gon to the council but well, you know, qui-gon was breaking republic law pretty brazenly at that point I think that moves beyond teenage angst and into ‘...master that’s a wholeass felony’ territory). Obi-Wan does go for a couple of low blows, but like. Nothing that’s not actually true, is the thing. And mostly he blames himself for not being good enough, because surely if he were qui gon wouldn’t treat him like this. Augh. hngh. Pain. suffering.

- I am not one of the people who think everything would have automatically been just hunky-dory if only qui-gon lived and could have been anakin's master (in fact I would have given it a 50/50 chance of going exponentially worse way faster; being more similar as people is not always a guarantee that a relationship will go smoother and qui-gon is an incredibly difficult man to be close to for any length of time), but the way this book basically presents how the dynamic between dooku, rael and qui-gon could have gone on in the next generation too... it would have been incredibly unfair to obi-wan (as always I think that's just an universal constant lmao) but I think the odds of it turning out okay would have been better if you had him in the mix to run crisis control for both qui-gon and anakin, as he does for each of them individually as best he can anyway. at least he could have been free to be anakin's brother and friend purely in that scenario, without all the added mess of grief and having to take on a parental role there so young. he does basically fill that role in ahsoka's apprenticeship, after all.

- qui-gon finally hugging rael before he leaves the planet (and especially since when they were younger he wanted to, but held himself back from it)... that's still his big brother even with all the shit that's happened since ;_____; when someone teaches you how to swim (literally and symbolically) that shit stays with you I suppose

Relatedly: DOOKU getting hugged, and gladly. What the fuck. Are you all seeing this shit. I’m gonna cry or laugh I’m not sure which one why am I emotionally invested in the galaxy's most problematic grandpa now this sucks

#and that's the power of star wars baybey #star wars #master and apprentice #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jin #rael averross #count dooku #star wars meta

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n0brainjustvibes · 6 months

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Tagged by @vikugnavikugna!

coke or pepsi? beverage BITE miette?? beverage STING her tongue like the insect??? jail!!! jail for beverage for One Thousand Years!!!

disney or dreamworks? dreamworks did HTTYD, right? them.

coffee or tea? tea

books or movies? books hehe

windows or mac? never used mac so windows it is

dc or marvel? ok, exposing myself here, worm was like my 2nd superhero media ever. i haven't read either 🙈 i have seen a few marvel movies but i'm not sure whether that should count for or against them

x-box or playstation? mine crafdt on my laptop

dragon age or mass effect? mass effect bc incuriouscat on youtube makes sick ass fan PMVs

night owl or early riser? night owl

cards or chess? chess, you can narrate stories about the pieces and thoroughly annoy your opponent (sibling) even as you lose >:3

chocolate or vanilla? chocolate all the way!!

vans or converse? wgat

Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar? I can't tell if these are fantasy names or antidepressants

fluff or angst? uhhhhdfcgvhbjnk gonna have to say fluff

beach or forest? beach

dogs or cats? cats 100%! (or secret third option: fish...)

clear skies or rain? clear. god. please... 🙏🙏

cooking or eating out? cooking :P

spicy food or mild food? Mild by any sane standards, but spicy according to my family and/or BBC Food haha

halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? chris mas :))

would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? uuuhhhh .. hh. hard one here. gonna have to also go cold

if you could have a superpower, what would it be? SUPERSPEED!! Or time powers. My irl friend has convinced me of their usefulness.

animation or live action? animation

paragon or renegade? renegade, it's the name of my serial killer dark forest!hollyleaf fanfic (only half kidding...)

baths or showers? shower

team cap or team ironman? hm. remember when I said I watched a few marvel movies? yeah none of them were this one :(

fantasy or sci-fi? fantasy baybey!!! but I adore both

do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they? oh god okay. hm... "Where did we learn it, this talent for insatiability?" from The Handmaid's Tale still Lives In My Head from high school english. If song lyrics count, then, "You don't know me / don't you question my love" from Berlin, Without Return. "Sometimes a hypocrite is just a man in the process of changing" (I don't recall the exact wording) from... Oathbringer? is my fav cliche cosmere pick. Oh! And I forget the episode or even who said it, but at some point during the s3 All Might/AFO fight in MHA, one of the side characters stuck on guard duty said "You're confusing difficulty with importance", and that changed my life.

youtube or netflix? youtube :) it has fun little AMVs

[REDACTED] [Clearance Level 9]

when do you feel accomplished? when I bake something! making concrete stuff is really fulfilling, especially if I'm baking for other people.

star wars or star trek? spaceballs (jk, star wars, but I haven't seen star trek so sw wins by default)

paperback books or hardcover books? paperback

to live in a world without literature or without music? [sad character song assigner noises]... without music.

who was the last person to make you laugh? that would be @ty-bayonet-betteridge with several lines in their riley fic hehe

city or countryside? city! much as I complain about missing nature :') ideally a city that's near the sea

favorite chips? anything plain sea salt and properly crunchy 🤌

pants or dresses? pants, though dresses are fun for fancy occasions!

libraries or museums? is it a natural history museum? pleamse?? if so museum! otherwise library all the way.

character driven stories or plot driven stories? I don't really have a preference ngl

bookmarks or folding pages? i was one of those heretical kids who just plonked their books face down open 🙈😭 and now I mostly read online so... idk? Probably bookmarks.

Dream job? honestly would love to be on the management council for a small nature conservancy. second choice would be ecological research, but data-based, not fieldwork (animals scare me >.<)

What gives you comfort? thinking about The Characters...

what are some of your favorite song lyrics? literally ANY pun or double meaning lyric by idkhow!! gonna go with "lose yourself inside the city / lose your mind inside a week".

favorite ice cream flavor ever? chocolate my beloved...

first fandom? warrior cats......

deep ocean or deep space? (personally, i gotta pick ocean, because theres fish in there 👍😊)

Your desert island band?

@thesternest @seroquelfan @chaoticrushu, but no pressure to answer, and anyone is welcome to join! add your own question at the end if you answer :]

#tag game

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