#and that's just fine with me!!! i'll be wearing heels and makeup it's still girly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kart0 · 5 months

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Let's talk shall we ? I have big news

Hey guys, it's been quite some time since we chatted huh ?

Well, I have something I need to confess. Ever since I was a kid I never really cared too much about gender, and roles, and how we played. I was just a kid. I liked and had lots of fun dressing up as a man, wearing ties, being shirtless and on diapers. But also wearing my mom's heels and putting on her lipstick. It didn't matter

I'd do what I wanted, when I wanted.

Things started to get more serious as I grew up though. On my early teens I decided I wasn't interested on makeup, at all. And I wasn't "like the other girly girls". I hung out with a bunch of boys and we'd have fun too. But I felt weird at times. That's when I got closer to my girl friends. They were awesome and we were very, very close, for some time as well.

But I never felt home. Accepted. Comfortable. I never felt like I belonged for real, anywhere at all, and I still do have problems with that...

And then I was a teen. Started to learn more about the world, about lgbt culture. I learned about different genders. And that's what we're going to talk about on this post.

This is my coming out letter.

When I was 12 I read the Percy Jackson series. I was never truly interested in reading as kid. But my Portuguese teacher said we had to read it for class so I did. And I fell in love. And I was an avid reader, I learnt. I read one book per day. Everyday. I was amazed with Percy. He was incredible. He was everything I wanted to be.

He was everything to me.

But.

I felt something so deep, a crushing feeling I couldn't describe, that it hurt so so so much, whenever I read fanfics or saw too much fanart, or tried to be a part of the fandom.

Then later I found out it was envy. I wanted to be him so bad it hurt. I wanted to be like him, but not only have his personality, no, I wanted to look exactly like him.

I had to distance myself from the fandom and the books and I was fine for some time.

I forced myself not to care about my looks. I pretended that I didn't know what I wanted. I tried to be edgy and cool. Then I tried to look sweet and innocent. 2023 I really, really put an effort and learnt how to do makeup. I wore foundation and glittery eyeshadows and lipstick. And I felt pretty.

But. It wasn't enough for me. I felt ok most of the time, like it was acceptable. It bothered it annoyed but it was fine. In reality though I knew what I wanted.

And well, I'm bringing up Percy Jackson again. I really really liked the books. And now the series is streaming on Disney. I refused to watch it for some reason.

I think I forgot, y'know. Why I avoided and stopped liking it.

But, curse you TikTok, it started appearing on my fyp and ugh, I liked some of the videos. And now because of the algorithm it's only showing me pjo tiktoks.

Maybe I knew, deep inside, that I had to go through this discomfort. This pain, yet again. I needed to accept myself. So I kept on watching, and scrolling, until I was sobbing, lying on my bed. Feeling extremely upset.

Why wasn't I born a man. Why do I was born with curves, and boobs. Why. Why why why why why. And I cried and cried, all the pain I felt accumulated all these years.

I am coming out today because I feel finally ready and brave to accept this part of me.

I am transgender.

So are you a man ? Hm, honestly, I don't know for sure. I think I'm a girl too, sometimes. Like it doesn't bother me too much. I feel like I still need to learn and read a lot to comprehend what I feel and who I am. But for now, I'll go for unlabeled and just say I'm nonbinary. Crazy huh ? Took me 21 years to figure it out.

I'm not coming out to my family, I will never. They won't understand, and won't try to. They won't like it. And I love my family more than anything in this world. I don't want to lose them and I don't want them to look at me differently. I don't care if I'm still their little girl. I will keep being their little girl forever. Doesn't bother me.

I don't care that my friends or my irls still refer me as a woman either. Cuz sometimes I feel like a woman. I dress like a woman.

So... What will change then, you may ask ?

Firstly, hm... I don't think much will change. I will refer myself as a man on social media. I will use he him pronouns and I will say I have a massive, huge fucking dick. Heh. Makes me laugh.

I think what mattered to me first was just coming to terms that yeah, I am trans. And this is how I feel. And who cares if nothing changes. It's my own fucking life.

I'm scared of medical procedures and I don't want to transition. For now. As I mentioned before, I don't want to scare my family. I don't want to lose them. Do I wish I was born a male ? Yes. Do I wish, I looked like a man ? Of course. But for now, looking like a woman will have to do the job.

But what's fun is that I'm on art school. Everyone's fucking gay !!!!! And nobody cares how you dress ! So this will be fun now that I feel free. I can do whatever the fuck I want.

This post is too long and I'm so sorry. I wish I could thank Percy for giving me the "splash" haha and making me learn more about myself.

And now I can live my life without the guilt I carried before.

Happy 2024 everyone

#me #coming out #transgender #surprise i was an egg all this time #life update that for once isn't a rant #life update

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harryfreakinstyles2 · 5 years

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Torn (Part 1) H.S.

The sunlight is streaming through the curtains and gleaming off the vinyl flooring of my apartment while I try to force myself to roll out of bed. My alarm is screaming at me for the tenth time this morning. My eyes strain against the intrusion of light as I reach for my phone on the nightstand to stop the ringing in my ears from that damn alarm. I glance at the text on my screen from my best friend that I must have received after passing out around one am last night while trying to finish my essay.

Julie is almost the complete opposite of me in every way. She's unorganized and scatter brained and way more adventurous than I will ever be. But she also makes our little two-bedroom apartment feel like home even with the dirty dishes she leaves in the sink and as crazy as she drives me, I would honestly be lost without her.

Me: You know I had that essay to finish! But it sounds like you had fun like usual! I might have to join you next time! We'll see! Lol

I text back and head to the bathroom to hop in the shower before class. I turn the water on and wait impatiently for it to heat up, my tiny bathroom becomes filled with steam as the hot water helps wake me from my zombie state and relaxes my muscles. I'm dreading class this morning. My stupid elective class I took because I figured it would be an easy A to fill in the extra credits I need to graduate in May, but I am starting to realize that the easy A might not be worth the painful boredom of sitting in that stupid class twice a week. I hurry along getting ready as the morning is rushing by faster than I realized and soon I'm running out the door praying I have time to get coffee on the way.

I stick my key in the lock of my apartment door still sipping on my iced coffee. I feel mentally drained after having to put so much energy into staying awake in class, luckily it's the only class I have on Thursdays. I can smell the scrambled eggs as soon as I walk into the apartment. Julies favorite hangover food, I will never understand how that girl can go out so much during the week and still go to work and finish all her school.

I walk into the kitchen and I laugh to myself while taking in Julies disheveled appearance, the aftermath of her late night out.

"Shut up", She groans glaring at me from her spot in front of the stove.

"I'm sorry, but you look pathetic" I laugh again not being able to hold in my amusement.

"Don't be a bitch, you're just jealous that I had a blast last night while all you did was write a paper all damn night." Julie snaps at me but I can see the hint of a smile on her face.

"Alight alright" I say with my hands up in surrender not wanting to actually piss her off. I pull a barstool out from under the counter and take a seat across from her.

"I was serious when I said you are coming out with us this weekend" she huffs, "We are going to this cool hipster club that just opened down the road. It is going to be a lot of fun. And I'm not giving you a choice, so tomorrow night, we'll head out around ten." Her words rush out fast. I am assuming it's so I won't have the chance to interrupt her and make an excuse of why I will not be doing anything of the sort. I roll my eyes when she turns back around to flip her eggs.

"I really don't want to... It's been a long week between work and school and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch a movie." I groan at my relentless best friend. This is her third attempt in the past two weeks to try and get me to go out.

"Allie, you're 21, not 81. Would you please stop being so lame and just come out with us!" She pleads with me, "It'll be fun I swear!"

"Ughhhhh fine but if I hate it and get bored then I'm coming back home!" I say giving in but still hating the idea.

"Fine fine! Ahhhh yay!! It's going to be great!" Julie excitedly jumps up and down like she is twelve and are moms said yes to a sleep over on a school night. Finally she stops, leaving her dark brown hair messier than it was before, if that is even possible. I try my best not to laugh at her again.

"Alright I'm going to go to my room for a bit before I have to go to work at 6. Do you work tonight?" I ask. Her work schedule is constantly changing every week I can never keep up.

"Yea unfortunately, I wanna call out but I can't because I have tomorrow night off to go out and I actually need to make some money for a change." She says with a groan.

"Okay then I'll see you tomorrow! Be sure to put on your best fake smile and maybe brush your hair or something or you won't be getting very many tips tonight" I tease her as I walk to my room. I turn around just in time to see her middle finger raised in the air at me with a smile on her face.

My evening shift at the local coffee shop blurs by as the hipster kids and sorority girls shuffle in and out throughout the evening. I found I was convincing myself that going out tomorrow night is exactly what I need to get out of this comfortable rut I have found myself in the past few months. With graduation about three months away I should probably have some actual fun before my college days come to an end even though night clubs are not exactly my idea of fun.

I wake to a loud pounding on my bedroom door. "Allie!!! Get up! We have to pick out an outfit for you for tonight! I have to leave for work soon! Get up! We won't have time later!" Julie continues banging on my door.

"Ugh, Jules! Give me like 10 minutes!" I groan back at my annoying best friend. She insisted last night that she had to pick out an outfit for me because I don't know what a proper "club outfit" is.

Ten minutes later I've brushed my teeth and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt. I open my bedroom door to find Julie sitting impatiently at the counter with a cup of coffee.

"Okay, come on in and let's get this over with." I say to her rolling my eyes. This is not what I want to be doing at nine am.

"Oh stop being so dramatic." Julie mumbles at me as she walks past me and into my room.

I follow behind her and sit on my bed as she starts to dig through my closet for her version of an acceptable outfit for this evening.

"Okay, so we want something sexy but also comfortable. Maybe some skinny jeans and a cute tank top. Or even a jean skirt," she says excitedly.

"Sexy. Really. You know I can't pull off sexy." I mumble at her. Does she honestly think I can be sexy. She has definitely lost it. In the thirteen years she has known me I have never been sexy. I don't even own anything that could be considered sexy.

"Yes, sexy. You have the curves all you're missing is the attitude Al."

I don't have the first clue on how to come off as sexy, but I have a feeling Julie is going to teach me. This was such a bad idea. I can already tell that tonight is going to be a disaster.

Twenty minutes later I'm standing in front of my closet staring at myself in the floor length mirror in one of Julies jean skirts that rests nicely on my hips and stops a few inches above my knees and only makes me slightly uncomfortable. She has paired her jean skirt with one of my low-cut white tank tops and a pair of short strappy black heels. Lucky for me it has been a warm winter and it only gets into the mid-sixties right now at night here in Georgia. Especially considering Julie told me I am not allowed to wear the gray cardigan I tried to put over the tank top.

"So? What do you think?" Julie asks me while I stare at myself in the mirror. She's beaming, obviously proud of her work.

"Umm I like the outfit, but I'm not sure," I mumble.

She rolls her dark brown eyes at me, "Allie, you look hot trust me. You just have to own it. That is the key to being sexy, it is all about the confidence."

"Alright," I try to say with a sense of confidence, but my voice betrays me and I sound even more unsure than before.

"Shit, I have to go I am going to be late for work" Julie says as she rushes out of my room. "You look amazing! I will be back in time for us to do our hair and makeup before we leave! See you later girlie!" She yells to me before she slams the front door closed behind her.

I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding as I look at myself once more in the mirror. My chest fills the tank top nicely threatening to overflow because of the pushup bra Julie forced me to wear even though she knows I hate wearing it because it makes my boobs look even bigger than they already are. She doesn't understand that problem seeing as she barely has any boobs. The tight tank top paired with the fitted jean skirt shows off my tiny waist and curvy hips. The jean skirt goes down just far enough to cover my full upper thighs. Overall I don't hate the outfit as much as I expected to, if I wear my long blonde hair down and maybe curl it a little I think I might be able to pull it off.

I groan staring at myself in the mirror one last time before collapsing onto my bed. I have no idea what to expect tonight I haven't been out since my freshman year. Even though Julie will be there I can already see myself sitting in the corner the whole night. I hope the night won't be a complete disaster. At least all our friends will be there and I can catch up with Emily. I push away the anxiety as I hang my outfit for tonight back up and head to take a shower.

I'm sitting on the couch buckling the straps of my black heels as Julie walks out of her room looking like a Victoria Secret model in her tight dress that leaves little to the imagination. She spent an hour doing my hair and make up after she got home from work and I spent most of that hour telling her to tone it down. It has always been that way with us. She is the one who wears full make up and heels almost everyday and I am the one who forces myself to put on eyeshadow every now and again and wears converse as much as possible. But somehow we always seem to balance each other out, she helps me step out of my comfort zone and I keep her from being arrested.

"See this is why I don't go out with you!" I grumble at her.

"What are you talking about? I didn't even do anything!" Julie says defensively while grabbing her matching clutch off the kitchen counter.

“You didn't have to, you just come out looking like that and when I stand next to you I look like a freakin sack of potatoes!"

"Are you kidding me!?! Look at you! I wish I had those curves! We both look great and we are ending the conversation there." Julie says annoyed at my comment.

"Whatever." I mumble back.

"You are not going to start this night pouting, so get over yourself and let's go the Uber is ready downstairs!" she says sternly. Julie is the kind of person who has no problem telling you how it is, she has been that way ever since we were kids.

The Uber ride to the club lasted barely five minutes leaving just enough time for my stomach to get queasy with nerves. The car comes to a stop in front of a building littered with people stumbling in and out of the doors. Julie says a rushed 'thank you!' to the Uber driver as she pulls me out of the car behind her.

"Come on! Everyone else is already inside!" she says as she pulls me along after her and into the crowded building. I glance at my phone it is now ten o'clock, I will stay till at least midnight and then leave I decide.

The room is so dark it is hard to see the faces of the strangers as we shove our way through the crowd to find our group of friends waiting for us. There is a slight stench of smoke in the air and my heels stick to the floor just enough for me to notice. I hate this already. Julie is aggressively pushing her way through the overly friendly crowd of strangers. I decide that my best bet is to stare at the back of her head and follow closely behind her so I don't get lost. Suddenly Julie does a high pitch squeal letting me know she has found our friends. Our usual group of friends are standing around a high top table toward the back corner of the club. There's Maya, who Julie and I met in freshman English. Julie gets along with her better than I do because they have similar personalities and Maya will go out with her any day of the week where I will not. Then there is Dylan the common frat boy with the perfect hair and teeth, wearing his usual khaki pants and button up shirt. Maya and Dylan have been dating for a little over a year now. Next to the already drunk Dylan is his best friend Sam. Sam is in the same frat as Dylan and despite being best friends, Sam is sweet, polite, and funny unlike Dylan who is usually obnoxious. Sam is much more attractive than Dylan with his light brown hair cut short and his muscular arms looking perfectly tanned in his white button up. On the other side of the table there is Tabitha and Emily. Tabitha and Maya have known each other since middle school so they are really close similar to Julie and I. Wherever Maya is, Tabitha is usually close by. I get along best with Emily out of the three girls. She is quieter than the others and although she has no problem going out and having a good time she has a lot of other priorities she is focused on as school is coming to an end. We tend to sit and talk whenever we are all hang out while everyone else is drinking and goofing off.

"No way! Allie you actually came!?!" Maya says too dramatically bringing the attention of the whole group to me. "I mean Julie said you were coming but I thought she was just joking!" Maya continues with an annoying giggle and I force myself not to roll my eyes at her.

"Good to see you too Maya. Can someone point me in the direction of the bar please." I say to hopefully change the topic. I am going to definitely need a drink to get me through this night.

"I was just about to go get myself a drink if you wanna come with me?" Sam offers with a smirk making me blush like always.

"That would be great! Thanks," I say with a smile.

Sam is quiet most of the time but he is charming. And he is one of those guys who is absolutely gorgeous and has no idea.

Julie rushes over to the girls and the giggling starts instantly as Sam and I walk away from the group.

We make it to the bar with Sam only having to guide me past one group of drunk guys. Even with heels on I am still quite short making navigating the crowded club difficult as I can't see where I'm going. I order my usual crown apple and sprite, and try to refuse when Sam wants to pay for my drink but ultimately he wins as he hands the bartender cash and walks away with me following behind.

"So are you as ready for graduation as I am?" Sam awkwardly starts conversation over the loud club music as we make our way back to our group of friends. This was the usual with Sam. For a guy who is this attractive and has girls falling all over him, he always comes off awkward when we try and talk.

"Yeah I'm so excited, but also incredibly nervous. There is too many decisions still left to make," I awkwardly laugh.

"I get that. You would think that since we are finally finishing we would be less stressed out not more," Sam says with laugh.

I turn to respond catching his blue eyes, leaving me speechless. I am saved as we arrive at the table and Sam is greeted by Tabitha begging him to dance with her. She clearly already had a few drinks and Sam is too sweet to say no.

The night feels like it is dragging on forever. I'm not having a bad time but there is definitely other things I would rather be doing and on top of that Julie seems to be in a crap mood for some unknown reason so she is not making the night any better for me. It has been about an hour and a half and I've had three drinks making me just tipsy enough that my nerves have vanished.

"Jules I really have to pee!" I whine at her again.

"Okay okay, just give me a minute," She says staring at her phone.

"I've been waiting like ten. Just point me in the direction of the bathroom. I will just go by myself," I say back irritated as I sway back and forth to help with my urgent need to pee.

"Okay fine, go towards the bar and to the left," She instructs me without look away from her phone. I am trying not to get annoyed at her but she begged me to come out and has barely said two words to me since we got here.

"Thank you!" I say dragging the words out dramatically.

I make it to the bathroom without any issues to my surprise considering the three drinks I have had and the crowd seeming to have grown in the last hour. Luckily there is only one girl in line and I don't have to wait long. I wash my hands and check my make up in the mirror surprised it still looks almost perfect. I walk out of the bathroom and reach down pulling the hem of my skirt further down my legs as I walk.

"Ugh fuck!" I mumble as I collide with something solid and liquid pours down my skirt and legs.

"Oh shit! Sorry!" I hear a thick English accent respond.

I look up to find bright green eyes staring directly into mine. They are slightly covered by a mop of beautiful dark brown curls. His eyes stay locked on mine so intently that I have to look away so he can't see me blush under his gaze.

"It's fine. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention." I say faster than I intended as I wipe at my skirt.

"Wait a minute, let me uhh...." the handsome stranger starts to say as he looks around and then disappears and reappears with a rag from the bar.

"Here, I'm really sorry," He says again holding his hand out to me with the rag in it.

I take a second to glance at the tattoos covering most of his left arm. Quickly dragging my attention back to the liquid running down my legs I grab the rag hoping he didn't notice my staring. I wipe at the remainder of whatever he had in his cup off my legs and look up to find him staring again.

"Thanks," I mumble quietly despite the loud music as I hand him back the rag. My cheeks feel like they are burning, partially from the alcohol in my system and partially from his staring.

“The least I could do. I'm Harry," He says with a smile revealing large dimples in his cheeks while holding out his empty right hand for me to shake. I stare at his outstretched hand for a minute before grabbing it.

"Allie, nice to meet you. Sort of," I say returning his smile and taking his hand in mine. His large hand makes mine feel even smaller.

"Allie." he repeats with a smirk. His accent making it sound beautiful while his eyes continue to stare into mine making my stomach flutter. I am so happy I downed that third drink or his stare alone would have made me a mumbling mess by now.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry #harry edward styles #one direction #one direction imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb

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red-and-blue-sewer-circus-arc · 6 years

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CHANGING FACES

Arnie Miller's day started poorly and went downhill fast.

After he finished cleaning and shaving he made himself a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast and watched half an hour of the news. Nothing happy going on that he could see and one of his acquaintances had been violently mutilated. Matthew Sechrist was dead. Maddy the Clown was deceased, and not by natural causes.

For now, it was time to get ready, so he got himself off the sofa, scarfed down the last of his eggs, he put on his war paint: Titanium white face and a big blue curly haired wig: blue triangles under his eyes and above them as well, a bright red smile and blue dimples to accent it. Finally, of course, the red nose. Next came his regalia: a loose, gigantic white outfit with green polka dots, and an orange tie with matching green spots; two purple shoes, size 32, and a top hat that was a perfect match for his oversized tie.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? But I saw a clown with almost the same face over near the merry-go-round." Lou said the words with a false casual voice.

"Excuse me?" There was nothing mild in Arnie's voice. Clown faces were serious business. Every clown tried to look unique. Hell, there had been lawsuits over faces that were too similar and Arnie didn't much want to get involved in one of those. His face was close to one that had been used back in the sixties. He'd seen the clown as a kid and been stuck with that face in his mind, because the guy had left such an impression on him. It wasn't like he'd stolen the design: he'd just borrowed heavily from it. Besides, he remembered hearing the clown and his whole troupe had died a few months later in a bad fire.

By the time Arnie found the other clown, the fair had opened. The man was dressed in a bright red coat and suit, with enough sequins to just about blind a person. Unlike a lot of clowns, his outfit looked custom tailored to fit his tall, lean body. The outfit looked as if it had just been made and was finished off with a matching top hat and well polished dress shoes, complete with dark red spats. He was, without a doubt, the most dapper clown Arnie had ever seen.

The clown looked at him and Arnie saw the shock on the thin face, written under the makeup that left a smile painted in place.

"Well, what have we here, boys and girls?" Arnie blinked as the clown spun towards him, the bright blue eyes looking him over from top to bottom. Arnie swallowed hard and tried to recover from the unexpected change. The lanky clown moved over to him and slid up beside him with slick, almost spidery motions.

He leaned in close, and put his lips next to Arnie's ear. "What's your name, Ace?" "F-Fast Freddie." Rufo sprang back as soon as Arnie had answered. "Fast Freddie! I thought I'd never see you again!" His voice went up in octaves, high enough to almost sound feminine, and then he jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Arnie in a wild, exaggerated hug. Before Arnie knew what was happening, he was off the ground, lifted like he was nothing more than a child by a man who was thinner than he was. The arms around his ribcage squeezed like a python and for a moment he thought his ribs would break. Then he was sat down and Rufo stepped back, grinning broadly for everyone.

Arnie was following the man's every move, so he didn't really understand how the other clown had just vanished, but that was exactly what happened. He looked away for only an instant and Rufo was gone. There was a serious feeling that something was not right with Rufo the clown and that sense was only increased by the strength of the man.

"Please... please mister, I did like you asked, didn't I?" The sounds were coming from one booth over and Arnie looked around the rear corner of his resting spot and saw Lou trembling.

"You sure did, Mister Peasley. You did it just as nice and right as you could have, and that's why I gave you the fifty bucks." The voice was low and raspy and sent shivers of goose flesh across Arnie's back.

"Then why are you doing this?" Lou's voice cracked a bit.

"Know what the problem with you is, Mister Peasley?" Lou shook his head. "The problem is you sold out one of your friends for fifty bucks. How trustworthy do you think that makes you?"

"Oh God, Oh God, please no..." Lou backed up, his head shaking from side to side, and as he moved back the source of the shadow stepped forward. Rufo the clown looked at Mister Peasley and grinned. "That's just what Maddy said, right before I ripped his eyes out."

"What's that, Mr Peasley?" The man leaned over Lou and scrutinized his face.

"What's what?" Lou gasped as he started to sit up.

Rufo's hand shot forward and grabbed at Lou's face. Arnie watched on, unbelieving as the clown rammed his gloved thumb into the soft orb of Lou's left eye. "You've got something in your eye..."

Rufo laughed, a sound that had nothing whatsoever to do with joy. Then Rufo did it again. He reached out with his free hand and caught Lou's tongue between his finger and thumb. Lou kept screaming, trying to get away as the red flowed from his closed eyelid. Rufo pulled back and Lou's head followed for a moment before the flesh of his tongue sliced away from his mouth.

"Jesus Christ!" Arnie opened his mouth and said words before he realized what he was doing.

"Oh, Fast Freddie, I don't think He's here right now, do you?" Rufo winked at him and dripped Lou's tongue to the ground.

"Okay, Arnie. What we have here is a problem."

"You gonna kill me?" Arnie had no doubt the clown could. None at all. There was something about the man under the paint that unsettled him. Probably it was his violent tendencies.

Rufo looked his way and shrugged. "Well, I should. I mean, look at what I did to Mister Peasley over there, and he really didnt do that much to offend me." "Why did you do it?" "Why?" Rufo looked back at Lou, who was starting to crawl around. "Well, he really wasn't a very good clown, was he? I didn't see him make a single kid laugh."

"Without the makeup we're all just faces in the crowd. Why do you think clowns protect their faces so avidly?"

Rufo's eyes rolled towards the heavens. "I said, go kill Peasley and I'll let you live. You have to change the makeup, but other than that, we'll be even-stevens." "You can't be serious." Rufo popped up into a standing position like a jack-in-the-box and moved toward Arnie. Arnie flinched back as the other clown got right in his face. "Is this the face of a joker? Of course I'm serious! You or Peasley, who do you value more in this world?"

"I can't kill Lou. He's my friend!"

"He sold you out for fifty dollars, Fast Freddie."

"I can't do this. I'm not a killer." He shook his head and looked at the ground at his feet. "Not even if it was a mercy killing?" Arnie couldn't think of a proper response. So he went with the first thing that came to mind. "Okay, you took his tongue, but there's always a life as a mime." "Now how is living as a mime a good thing?" The other clown sounded indignant. "Well.. okay. That's true."

Couldn't we just settle this in court?" Arnie's voice was failing him and he squeaked like a kid who's voice was just starting to break. "Freddie," Rufo bent forward, his hands resting on his knees. "If I wanted to go to court, I'd have to prove to everyone that I'm still alive. You aren't worth the effort." He stood back up and looked down on Lou and Arnie alike. "Besides, there's that whole murder and mutilation thing to consider. Most courts don't like it when clowns go all violent."

Rufo stared at him for several seconds, the grin under his smile unwavering. Then he stepped forward and drove the heel of his foot into the flabby neck of Lou, who was still lying on the ground and moaning. Lou's face shoved hard in the dirt, and Arnie heard the bones in his neck breaking. There was no mistaking the sound, or the fact that it killed Lou instantly. "I'm here to stay Fast Freddie."

Arnie screamed. That was a bit more than he was willing to deal with, and he let loose with a girly shriek and bolted past the funnel cake stand and into the main area of the fair. He stopped when he'd cleared a good fifty yards and looked back, fully expecting Rufo to be on his heels, but there was nothing, no one.

By the time the police arrived, the security guard had Arnie hog tied with plastic bags and was strutting around like a rooster. The cops untied Arnie long enough to ask him a few hundred questions. When they were finished, Arnie was in the back of a police cruiser and wearing actual handcuffs instead of plastic bags. It took three days for Arnie to get up the bail to get out of his jail cell. He didn't much mind. One way or another his career as a clown was at an end

"I just wanted to make the kids happy, really. I like kids." He knocked back half of his beer in salute to the children and let out a deeply satisfying belch. "That's why I've decided to let you live anyway." Rufo's voice came from directly behind him.

Arnie couldn't have jumped higher if someone had electrified his ass. The other clown was standing behind Arnie's recliner, smiling, with Fireball in his hands. The traitorous cat was slumped along the clown's forearm and purring. "I thought about it, Arnie. You're a good clown. You make kids laugh." He shrugged and let Fireball drop into the chair, where the beast promptly got comfortable again.

Arnie looked carefully at the clown in front of him and shivered. The face he wore wasn't makeup. The triangles of blue had been cut into the other clown's face; as had the red lips and the dimples and the dot on his nose. He'd been wearing makeup to hide that fact at the fair.

"See why I'm partial to my looks, Arnie? They aren't going to go away. Find a new face and we'll get along just fine." Arnie just looked at the man and shivered. Insanity seemed to come off of Rufo like a palpable wave.

"I'm done here. Change your face or the next time I see you, I'll cut your face off your skull and make it into a seat cushion. Do we understand each other?" Arnie nodded his head so hard he thought he might break his own neck from the force.

"Take care of Fireball. He'll be watching you." The clown headed to the front door and stopped with his hand on the knob. "You know, if you mention me they'll think you're crazy right?"

"I won't mention you."

"Bonko's getting out tomorrow. He's probably gonna want to talk to you about the three years for stealing your truck."

Arnie nodded his head and smiled. "He's a bad clown." "What do we do with bad clowns, Arnie?" That was a quandary. He really wasn't sure how to answer, but the longer he looked into Rufo's eyes, the more he thought he understood. "We- we punish them?" Rufo nodded and smiled. "That we do, Arnie. Take care of my light work for me okay?"

Bonko was a big boy and he fought dirty, but Arnie nodded anyway. "I think I can do that. I really think I can." Rufo nodded one last time and quietly slipped through the door.

Arnie moved to the kitchen and looked at his assortment of knives. There were a couple of them that would fit through Bonko's ribs without any trouble at all, and the meat cleaver, well that could do a lot of damage to Bonko's head. "Gonna need a new face, anyway. Bonko's was always nice."

One Bad Week by James A. Moore

#rufo the clown #james a moore #rufo #my moodboards #evil clown #horror book recommendation #horror books #moodboards #rufo moodboard #one bad week #the joker #the new joker #rip off rufo

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