#and she's either gonna take the crown to become a god or have a breakdown at night by the water where she decides to move on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dangermousie · 8 months

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OK, all the non-shippy stuff in ep 8

I definitely think that seeing Crown Prince set off to Qing as hostage for daddy is setting off some sort of memories of his own past (whatever they are) in JH.

I find it interesting that Crown Prince, who started out as quite sheltered and also dealing with platitudes/abstractions (and not being able to take someone like JH being blunt with him) is subjected to all these never-ending small and large humiliations and it's honestly going to either break him or make him grow serious balls.

I loved the scene where he's supposed to be getting the usual lessons and he just breaks down crying.

And the lecturers start their lamenting and good god, I never thought about it, but going anywhere and doing everything with your own Greek chorus has got to be annoying as fuck! Not to mention you can't even have a breakdown in private.

And honestly, either breaking or fighting is fraught. If he breaks then well - I suppose he can save his life (unless he gets so pathetic he will be killed to avoid total humiliation or something) but if he stands unbending, the Emperor makes it very clear he can be replaced with a more obedient vassal.

But the Emperor is not the only danger for him, if he becomes too independent, Injo is not gonna like it at all; it was one thing when he was weeping and wailing with the rest of the court but the King is getting more and more paranoid (trying to wipe out his humiliation) and in general, as the story with YJ shows, cannot take any criticism or correct himself in any way. Of course, I know how this story ends and so I assume anyone watching this in Korea, which adds a certain doomed air of inevitable tragedy to it all. I do love how YJ, idealist though he is, is becoming awakened to reality, that his ideals are one thing but the reality is the King is unworthy.

Only a true idealist would say that and it leads to the King trying to get rid of him by sending him to Qing and when he balks, declaring him a traitor and confiscating all his stuff. (It's an interesting echo of what JH mentioned in ep 1 of Ming emperor and the competent general the former executed; his point of incompetence does not deserve loyalty is something YJ is discovering for himself.)

And I love the parallels between two rulers - one may be weak and one not, one may be powerful and the other a figurehead, but corruption and violence and just the pit of it all is the same, look at people in CP's entourage being dragged out and executed because someone rightly accused an official working with the Emperor's favorite of bribery. Being right and being moral means nothing, favor is everything.

(the horror on JH's face because he genuinely thought they'd buy their way out of it; the way as hardened as he is, the cruelty of the world still surprises him sometimes!) He gets to live for now, tho it's not sure for how long since the Emperor is looking for a rumor-spreader and well...

This is not about politics but I loved how GC talked her friend past the whole purity nonsense. She may think she fancies YJ but she does what's right and I love it, I love it that when push came to shove she was the one that secured her happiness and her marriage and it wasn't because of her feelings for JH, it's because it's right.

#kdrama #my dearest #nam goong min #ahn eun jin

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musicmushi · 5 years

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Vent incoming feel free to read if you want but pass by it if you dont thats cool too

This is to feel like free-writing I suppose. I have been going through a lot in my head and it feels good sometimes to just get my fingers flowing and to type stuff out. I have been having mental breakdowns off and on for at least a week but most likely more. I have fought the urge to cut myself, resisted the temptation to get rid of some certain people.

I know that the mindset I have is unhealthy but that doesn't stop me from having it. Actually, I think to try to repress it just makes the mindset worse. I’m trying my best to not ignore myself but that sort of leaves the question “who am I?” or maybe “What?”. I feel like I’m supposed to just know what I’m all about just by trying things and doing what my gut feels is right. Seems simple, right? Just focus on what feels right for you and whatever that is speaks to who you are.

Well, the short of it is it's not. Plain and simple trying to decipher your persona so to speak from just what feels right and good is a perfect slope into confusion territory because humans, by default, are multifaceted beings with complex thoughts and contradictory interests. No one fits into one singular pretty little mold. There’s gonna be cracks and holes and dents that warp the overall product making each person imperfect and out of the ordinary. The ‘molds’ are stereotypes and stereotypes by and large are not true for everyone everywhere! There’s just way too many humans to make that a possibility. I have been trying to fit into mold, after mold, after mold my entire life and I can’t fit in anywhere. As ridiculous as this may sound to those who ‘get it’ it frustrates me that I have failed at being a perfect little human even though I know very well that perfection does not exist. The idea of perfection itself is flawed and thus becomes paradoxical.

Sometimes I wish I could reboot myself into something that's more cohesive and understandable because the need to explain myself time after time after time again gets annoying and tiresome yet there it is. I feel as though I need to explain myself in such detail that my ideas and motives should not be questioned. I need to have an irrefutable reason for anything and everything I do; “it makes me happy” never cut it and it never will even when I’m with the company where that answer would suffice. Nothing can just “make me happy” I’m left trying to explain WHY it makes me happy because I want people to understand that though I can be theatrical in my emotions and reactions; I am not a joke to be told and passed around amongst friends. I think about what I do and why I do it so often that it has given me premature stress among other things.

I know what some may think at that. And yes, being stuck trying to explain why I enjoy things and what happiness even is, leaves me depressed as fuck. I’ve seen that video! Everyone has seen that video by Scotch and yeah I related to it and all the amazing points he made. But I can’t just stop giving a fuck because I can’t think of an irrefutable reason to do so. Everything needs a reason. Because once I do something that lacks reason I’m being dubbed ‘silly’ or ‘ridiculous’ ‘a crazed fangirl’ ‘obsessed’…I’m made into a joke. People think that I’m just someone not to be taken seriously and that makes me mad but I can't blame anyone but myself because I have a natural tendency to act silly and be funny and there’s nothing wrong with that but when there’s a time to be serious suddenly people are caught off guard when I step up and be serious.

It’s almost as ridiculous as the people being blown away at the singing talent of Susan Boyle because she didn’t look like a diva or whatever. You can’t look at someone’s physical attributes and mannerisms and suddenly know what they have hiding under the hood. I act obsessed with the person that I love because I’m excited to be with them, I have never once taken that relationship for granted and I think about our future together because the happiness that comes with being tied together cosmically with this person is nice to think about. My feelings for them is not a joke or a phase or a simple crush…I’m not some crazed obsessed yandere waiting with a knife under my arm behind the door. Call me whatever you want but don’t you dare even try to write this off as anything less than real and serious.

I plan for my future because I want to make sure I have back up plans for my back up plans. Lord knows I have had enough go wrong in my life in so many ways that I think its completely reasonable to be cautious and plan around dangers. I’m not being dramatically paranoid. I make jokes a lot of the time and I love to laugh. But I, myself, am not a joke.

I’m aggressive yet non-confrontational, stubborn but I can go with the flow, emotionally unstable but when the time is right I’m sensible and have the right advice to give, I have inherited my mother's saint-like patience with others but I myself get antsy and jumpy very easily. I have every reason to hate the world and to give up on love but the very idea of doing so makes me feel brokenhearted and weep.

I have to keep caring and I have to keep believing in love because without love the world becomes even more unforgiving and a life without that hope isn't worth living. If I lose the passion and investment in these ideas that I have then I lose my irrefutable reason to live. My belief in love gives me a rock solid reason to not kill myself and that is not to be joked about or tossed in the trash. Love is not trash. If I stop giving a fuck, I’m afraid that will result in something truly drastic. If that’s deserving of not being taken seriously then I have already lined myself up for the Fool’s Pillory. If that truly is the case then so be it. But one cannot fault me for wanting to be taken seriously as a thinking adult.

I am in the process of accepting myself as trans and the process is making me impatient as I feel no one is taking that seriously. I either get suspicious looks from friends and colleagues thinking that I’m throwing my identity away for the sake of another or I get a barrage of pastel attitudes and flower crown treatment which feels very condescending and hand-holding which in turn pisses me off. I get people telling me that “if you wanna be a man you don't wear makeup” or “I’m not going to help you look more masculine because you’re only doing this for that girl you never shut up about” Everywhere I turn there’s a road bump or wall blocking my path and its making me hate myself and the world for making this process so god damned confusing. Here I am approaching 25 with years of stacked up gender issues and now that I’m trying to deal with them head on I got people trying to white knight me and tell me how I should present myself so that I can be a proper trans. Like there’s some sorta gender identity manual out there and I’m just…doing it wrong and I need some well-meaning person to come up and hold my hand and guide me to the other side like I’m not cognizant enough to figure it out for myself. I’m not a pathetic ridiculous laugh worthy little retarded delicate daisy.

I have years of abuse and reality slapping me in the face harder than anyone else in my personal circle and yet these personal friends of mine that I have grown with are the worst in roadblocking me like not even my dearest friends can take me seriously because when I do act serious about it they get thrown off their groove and they don’t know how to talk to me about it so they don't. I got one friend that knew I had fallen in love with my special someone and not two minutes later joked that he had a chance to sweep her off her feet. No one takes me seriously no matter what I’ve been trying and that seriously pisses me off.

I’m pissed, confused, stressed, fighting the urge to cut myself, and it seems that I’m the only one sometimes that knows I’m not joking when I say these things. I think through my actions and I do my research. Everything I do has a reason. But no one wants to believe that because I’m supposed to be the pitiable stupid one that’s mocked and laughed at and just lies in waiting for my mythical white knight to come in, sword swaying, and whisk me away so that I can live happily ever after or whatever. When I need help; I ask. Plain and simple if I think I can’t handle something I reach out. I’ll fully admit I’m bad at it but I’m not so bad as to miss the opportunity entirely like I’m slow. I’m not slow and I’m not worth your pity…If you pity me then you can escort yourself out before your shining armor blinds others to the reality of autonomy. You know who you are.

#trans issues #vent post #its long #started as a free flowing writing #then it just turned into an open letter of sorts #frustrations be a pain #herp derp dont mind me #I'm just...mad #like I feel better after putting it into words but #these issues are real #I'm not joking or kidding or being overblown #I am not a joke #just because I can tell them doesn't make them my identity

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mystic-messenger-scenarios · 7 years

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Random relationship hc for the RFA

(this wasn’t a request sorry but i’m slowly trying to get back into the whole writing thing hhhh my bad, if you want i’ll do a V and Saeran edition)

Yoosung

would be so damn cheesy : he'd try every cliché lines, dates, moves and just about everything he's seen in romantic movies

if you played video games with him, he'd try to do couple stuff in there : he's Mario and you're Peach in Mario Party; matching outfits in LOLOL, you're always in the same team/guild when you play multiplayer, he'd name both your Pokemons with matching names

If he ever played a game where you can romance someone (like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Fallout..) he'd avoid talking to any of the romanceable characters just bc he'd feel like he'd be cheating on you (lol nerd)

he takes cooking classes so he can be better at it and loves to make you a cute bento box for lunch

loves coffee dates and loves holding your hand even though he's super shy about it

kinda shy with PDA but if he's really happy, he'll get super confident and will kiss you and hold your waist all the time

biggest cuddle bug you've ever seen : you're working on something? he'll find a way to sit behind you and wrap his arms around your waist. He's playing LOLOL? He'll ask you the second you enter the room if you can sit on his lap. You both just came home from college/work? He'll drag you to his bed and cuddle until it's time for dinner.

Loves pet names but he's so embarrassed with them; he loves stupid names like cutie pie, my hero, my player 2, honey bunny (he's so embarrasing jfc yoosung)

Zen

I mean he's no better with pet names but he's a bit more traditional (with babe, honey, darling) but if you do something cute or just if he's in the mood to coddle you (which is very often) he'll give you long and embarrassing names like 'my fluffy cutie sweet beautiful adorable little cupcake' it's bad and it's even worse that this man has no shame - he'll say that in front of everyone good luck with him

he's so dedicated and observant though. Doesn't matter that he only sees you in the morning before going to work and at night when he comes home and you're already sleeping - if something's wrong or you don't feel well, he'll know. It's like he has a radar and he just knows even if he's away from you, when you're not okay and he'll do anything to help and cheer you up

he's always so open about his feelings and how thankful he is to have you - not only will he never take you for granted but he'll always make sure you know just how much you mean to him, how grateful he is for staying with him despite how his career isn't making things easy for your relationship together

doesn't matter if you're in college or at work or even in another city or country - he'll find a way to talk to you almost all day long - not necessarily in a clingy way (although he can be clingy if you let him) but he'll check up on how your last class went, make sure you've had lunch (although he'd do what he can to always eat every meal together), call you when you both have a break, send you selfies when you're at work

he loves suprising you : there's a beautiful bouquet on your desk at work/home? that's him. you've had a stressful week and you're about to have a breakdown? let's go on a date where it's just the two of you and you don't have to worry about anything or anyone. He has a lot of work and spends his time practicing? He'll leave a bunch of sticky notes everywhere for you to find and he'll write compliments, declarations of love, things to cheer you up and help you get through the day.

Jaehee

Not very open with PDA, she feels like it's not proper and she's not a fan of showing her love to strangers. she'd prefer walking close to each others rather than holding hands for example

since she loves baking, she always makes some stuff for you and she also makes you try all her new creations to know what to improve before she makes them available on her coffee shop's menu

ahh and if you love coffee (and I hope you do if you're with her) she makes the best cup and always prepares you one in the morning - she absolutely loves having breakfast together and wouldn't mind waking up extra early just so you can both take your time and enjoy the moment before going to work

she'd always be there if you needed help with your work or making notes for school - she's so organized and her way to make notes and color coding are on point

she's not spontaneous and she hasn't been in a relationship in a very long time so you need to take things step by step with her but with time she becomes a lot more open to you and while she's not very good with voicing her feelings and thoughts, she'll always make sure you know what her feelings for you are

she's independent but she's also been alone for a long time, she would want to start living together kinda early on in the relationship just because she wants to share as much as possible with you

she gets incredibly touched and flustered at random acts of affection because she is just not used to them and it means so much to her, even or actually, especially the little things : you made her breakfast? she'll give you the brightest sleepy smile you've ever seen first thing in the morning. You saw something in a shop and it reminded you of her so you just bought it? doesn't matter what it is, she'll keep it with her at all times and smile every time she looks at it. You tell her how proud you are of her for following her dreams? she'll be in tears in less than two seconds

Jumin

you'd think this man would be proper and distinguished and what not but no. When he's with you, he's like a giddy teenager who just looks at you with so much love in his eyes that it terrifies anyone who knows Jumin Han the Robot Man.

you've got him wrapped around your finger and you don't even need to do anything about it. You just have to exist and bam, he's 100% smitten with you. You can ask him anything and he'll get/do it for you. Ofc, it makes more sense for him to show you his love through material stuff like expensive clothes, jewelry and fancy trips to the best spa in the world; if you didn't want him to spend his money on you then too bad because he'll buy you stuff anyways, he just can't help it, it makes him so happy to buy you stuff -- but with time, he'll learn how words alone can affect him and you.

He'll feel so wonderful when you tell him that you love him and just if you tell him your feelings - it won't take long for him to do the same bc he wants you to feel as happy as him - and he has a way with words + no shame so good luck trying to survive this combo bc the fluff this man brings will be the death of you

he loves to show you off, he just needs the whole world to know how perfect you are and he's pretty handsy too - he's never felt the need to be so close to someone both physically and in a relationship so it's pretty overwhelming for him and if you give him the okay then he won't see the point in holding back - he doesn't care about what the others say, as long as you're fine with him holding you, kissing you, nuzzling into your neck and resting his forehead against yours in front of everybody (be it at the office, in the street or in a super important party with fancy people from all over the world) that's all he needs

you know, he's kinda rivaling with Yoosung on the #1 RFA's cuddle bug bc he absolutely loves holding you and there's nothing better in the world for him than waking up with you in his arms, still sleeping with your face hiding in his chest

he's still shit with taking pictures and it's a shame bc he's become a selfie slut (watch out Zen, a new challenger has arrived) but, he only takes selfies with you

and he download more or less every single app that lets him add stupid filters to your faces so you can have kitty whiskers or flower crowns and what not

despite how busy he always is, he always tries to see you in the morning and makes it a point to come home for dinner - doesn't matter if he has to bring home five full folders from the office and work at home - dinner time with his love is important and he won't miss it

707 (i don't know how to write him so it's gonna be bad sorry)

it's gonna be a rollercoaster of emotions with him so I hope you're patient with his shit bc he'll still have his emo days where he just wants to be alone with his deep dark edgy feelings so yeah you deal with that

most of the time though, he'll just goof around, prank you H24, try to make you two become a meme

he has 0 domestic skills so hahhh I hope you do. either that or you're fine with living in a constant mess and eating junk food all the time - you'll either have to be like his caretaker or his partner in crime (or both if you can manage)

he doesn't take most things very seriously though and making you smile and laugh is his number one priority so there's that

he's more or less a walking wikipedia + urban dictionary so if you need anything for an essay you're writing just ask him - he's full of knowledge - both accurate infos and random useless trivia

he'll take you on every single date possible and once he's done them all, he'll invent new ones. The classics will be going to the arcade and getting the highest score on every single game or going to a lasertag or paintball and teaming up to be the winning team every time. He always gets so into it and you'll both have code names like 'God 1, this is God 2, I have the enemy team in my sight do you copy?' and if it's a game where only one person can win, he'll make you shoot him and be all dramatic about it

for the more original ones, he'll make the both of you dress up and wear wigs and pretend to be other people with other identities; like you'll slip in weddings and pretend to be distant family of the bride while you stuff your face with the food there

he'll make a bunch of stuff for you like he'll make an app where there's a 2D version of him and you can poke him to get voice lines, pet him and he'll say "nya", you can dress him up and you have interactions with him with dialogues choices (like in MM, how meta)

i hope this wasn’t too awful rip

#sarah writes #mystic messenger #headcanons #yoosung kim #zen #jaehee kang #jumin han #707

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