While we're busy discussing wasian Noel, can I propose blasian Constance?

She's Japanese on her mother's side and Jamaican on her father's.

This headcanon came to me in the wee hours of a Tuesday morning and I've become very attached to it.

Thank you for your time. 😌

I watched Crazy Rich Asians with my Dad

And my sister. It’s actually been several weeks since the event now but I still want to write about it, because there was some personal significance in it for me, and also because, honestly, it was a fun movie.

Disclaimer: I’ve only seen the movie once, and as mentioned, that was a while ago now so apologies if my memory is a bit hazy. Also, I haven’t read the book.

So the story of how this came to be starts with dad seeing some commentary about the movie on Chinese TV or WeChat or wherever Asians get their info from these days. He thought Constance Wu looked a lot like an actress he was into when he was young so he wanted to watch it. Funnily enough, neither my youngest sister nor I had watched it yet and so we organised a bit of a family outing (though it was technically only half the family).

I really can’t remember the last time I was in a movie theatre with any one of my parents. It must have been way back in primary school (which is like, almost 20 years ago now). I remember dad taking us out to eat at the foodcourts before climbing the escalators all the way to the top of the shopping centre to get to the cinema. He would purchase the tickets on the spot though the line was never very long. We would always get popcorn because it was such a rare treat for us, even though we would never finish it.

Cut to today and I’ll pretty much have consumed half a large popcorn before the movie even starts (I swear the ads before the movie these days just get longer and longer). I am also a pretty frequent movie-goer, complete with a membership card. Poor dad must have had a bit of a shock when I just scanned my phone in the priority queue to get our tickets. Also that the shopping centre had been completely renovated since the last time he was there.

Admittedly though, some things do stay the same: the buttery smell of the popcorn, and the nostalgic, childlike excitement of wandering down the corridor to get to the cinemas.

Ok that’s enough self-indulgent reminiscing. Time for some analysis.

Overall I though the movie was pretty solid. It was simple with a straightforward plot, but its appeal for me was definitely it’s relatability. I think this movie has a little bit of something for everyone, whether East or West. Asians who don’t come from a traditional family background will likely relate to Rachel, while Asians who do will find the whole first half hilarious. Anyone who fits even just half the description of a Millennial will absolutely love the best friend Peik Lin. If you’ve fallen in love before, know someone who’s fallen in love, have a kid with a partner etc., there’s probably something for you in this movie. Even if you are none of the above, the sheer spectacle of the shit crazy rich Asians get up to should be enough to entertain.

Unfortunately I don’t think the story direction was as strong as the characters. The way I see it, there were a handful of really brilliant scenes, and then everything else was kind of meh (as in they weren’t bad, but they were just good. Standard).

Unsurprisingly, the scenes I enjoyed the most were ones that carried through thematic elements that were foreshadowed in the beginning (HSC kids call this ‘textual integrity’ btw). Surprisingly, my dad also enjoyed those scenes, although for slightly different reasons.

So as a tribute to that, in a slight twist on my usual formula, I am going to analyse my dad’s favourite scenes.

**Spoilers start here if it wasn’t obvious**

Big House

Rachel visits her friend from college Peik Lin, before going to Nick’s house. Peik Lin is an awesome, down to earth character, however her family is pretty over the top and the first instance we see this is in their huge house. It’s a mansion, complete with a friggin’ water fountain and even gold plating on the ceilings or something. Rachel definitely does not relate to this extravagance, which is exemplified when she mentions something dumb about the gold plating (I cant for the life of me remember exactly what she said but the idea is it made her look like a peasant).

However this is directly juxtaposed when they go to Nick’s, whose family owns so much land they can’t even find the house. There are also two threatening-looking foreign guards (which kind of borders on racism), but the exaggeration here is used to visually convey the fact Nick’s family is a pretty big deal.

Mahjong

This was definitely my favourite scene of the whole movie and I was very impressed with its execution. The brilliance of this scene lies in its visual storytelling. Case in point: dad could only understand half the script but was able to grasp the full meaning of the scene just by looking at how the game was played.

In this scene, Rachel has made up her mind to leave Nick on her own accord, however wants to make it clear to Eleanor it is not because she was bullied into it. The meeting spot is an area where a lot of elderly people gather to kill time by playing Mahjong, a far cry from the glamorous world we’ve seen for most of the movie.

However Eleanor knows how to play, because just like Rachel she was taught by her mother. This is a good reminder that Eleanor’s life was not always easy, and a key theme of respect and gratitude for the mother figure shines through.

As they play, Rachel explains her reason for leaving: if Nick is forced to choose between his girlfriend or his mother, he will be miserable. As they are talking we see Rachel pick up a tile. It is actually a winning tile for her, but she chooses to discard it. Eleanor then grabs it and wins. This was the part dad picked up on: in Mahjong speak it means “I let you win”, which is a beautiful complement to Rachel’s key message. If Nick ends up with a girl who Eleanor does approve of in the future, know that it was all possible because of the choice Rachel made today.

Game over, Rachel leaves with her mother, the back view of their walking figures leaving at once a powerfully supportive yet fragile image. 

One other thing I noticed about this scene is how it reflects the game of poker Rachel played in her lecture at the start of the film. She bluffed her way to victory there in order to teach her class about Game Theory. This works because no matter how hard the odds are stacked against her, she stands her ground and puts on a show of bravery: she may have lost the game, but she’s still in the battle.

Proposal

This scene was pretty predictable but the way it is constructed leads to a great pay-off. Nick catches Rachel as soon as she boards her plane back to America. They are in two different aisles and Nick talks while walking to maintain the same pace with Rachel.

He narrates the way he had planned to propose to her: on a secret beach with the beauty of the sunset in the background. It’s a super idealistic image and kind of reminds me of Lenny’s American Dream scene in Of Mice and Men. 

Of course, his speech is hilariously juxtaposed with the reality that they are on a plane and Nick has to get out of the way of other passengers, even stopping to help one with their luggage at one point.

The cramped economy cabin is also a sharp contrast to the luxurious First Class cabin they arrived in Singapore in. 

Nick jumps to Rachel’s aisle to get on one knee and finally propose to her. I appreciated the totally random woman squealing in the background while hugging Rachel’s mum but I appreciated even more that the ring Nick presents to her is Eleanor’s. The story of the ring is that it was custom-made by her husband because his mother wouldn’t give them hers because she disapproved of Eleanor. It is very obvious symbolism but incredibly satisfying nonetheless.

I appreciate this movie so much more than I normally would because of the opportunity it gave for me to have a proper conversation with my dad. Since I started working full-time, I’ve realised just how much I’ve taken these family moments for granted.

I really hope movies like this, which bridge the gap between East and West, and between parent and child, will become more mainstream in the future.

I Circle Back to Thee

Aaran: Let sleeping lilies lie, come what may Each season has its time In a field of gold blossoming, promises of spring Of quality delights, yet but one is mine Selected at their prime Time is of such essence, render my heart s-t-i-l-l Enamoured by this quest O’er craggy hills, set on high A myriad of mountains, piercing the sky Through valleys of low, sifting through the land A humble search within, of untold promises Of whom is it I seek? With the choicest picks of many A fresh vineyard of plenty Of room for such bold gallantry Pearl: If nature tells a tale, is it such truth that I will seek Of incomparable promises, adoration from above A sacred lavished love, freely unconditional Let righteousness prevail A redirected ship sets sail To steer towards his ways Lest I avert love’s true course A freewill field of freedom With the choicest picks of many A fresh vineyard of plenty Yet a tarnished trail, leads to solemn ruin Aaran: With renewed clarity, I’ll endeavour to please Yet only one can appease, unwholesome ways Bless my earnest days In seeking you Of desiring truth Draw me back to you Present wonders and clues Yet of whom could fathom Of my own understanding Dare I leaneth not To acknowledge truly the king of kings Yet will my offering be pleasing to thee? With a patchwork of progress Yet to digress! Misguided in the mix Would thou now fix To so fill a void Of actions mistimed Such an opportune time Yet in this vineyard of plenty I have selected not Pearl: With vivid retrospection, beyond a quick glance To recapture redirection Choices not to my betterment Such steps lead to a F A L L A calling forth to consciousness A gentle quiet voice To hasten towards unfolding arms Re-establish the connection My Sovereign protection My keeper, my guide Of unharnessed energy Be rechannelled set me free No longer captive, twas lost – now found Now replanted on solid ground Such land is lush, fertile for growth The gift of grace, bestowed on me Yet interlaced with love for me Search my heart Explore the depths of my soul Of a contrite spirit, a new heart in me A catalyst for change, rearrange my compartments Renovate from within With purposeful living Let it be so declared Replanted in the vineyard Encircled in care Aaran: Where is my equal, of mirrored completeness? Rare unwinding roads, let me venture to find With cascades of choice Yet a still small voice Calls me back to thee To search so diligently Of the selection Beyond our protection A compromised yield – from a field of choice Of qualities unqualified A diminished light Yet captured in your sight I could run ahead, but a thousand miles With aims to hide Strayed from the path Yet you would find me! Like whispering leaves – you follow me! I am your child “Draw back to me” Such energy spent A tent of retreat Pearl: If I am yours and you are mine Here engrafted into the vine With offers of replenishment Drawn towards a living well In essence to thirst, for a fragrant spring From the wilderness, lest I return With all that I yearn I give to you! There are no secrets hidden from view You know my thoughts You know my ways You have carried me through all of my days Sunlit rays of hope shines through A maker of all things new Apart from you – bereft of truth Of magnitude In wondrous awe of all you do I surrender all to you Aaran: Let their be none of me, but all of you Without your workmanship – I build in vain No substance of change Effort exhaustion To bear no truth Outside of your will, no perfection of peace Fruitful production will cease Of majestic wonders, your sovereignty reigns Your craftsmanship unparalleled Emboldened tower of excellence Such is your wisdom, of invested time Creations of the divine On the heights of love Exceedingly above All created things Exhibited signs of majesty Concerning me, you tend to my case Casting all of my cares Of honourable justice Cocooned in compassion Love unending Continually the same You reign on high There is power in the name Pearl: Soulfully renewed, with a sound mind Confine the spirit of fear Wash me with blessedness assured Cloth me with sacred strength Direct thy paths Of intrinsic value placed in me Keep me hidden and close to thee Blossomed fruits of maturity As a living vessel Radiate your royalty Of such a season as this Rested beneath your wings Guard my heart A time of preparation Be formed and refined Yielded to the master’s plan I shall seek your face Of sovereign splendour A veil of grace In the midst of your shadow For your appointed to find Of your perfect timing Of your perfect will A laid foundation A covering of silk A precious pearl A virtuous call Of standards to surpass With favour from high Aaran: Instil in me, due diligence To plough the field in solitude Exuding excellence In the accomplishment of a purposed will Restorative rest From tests and trials Of requisite skills and character Create room for special providence A shadow of insight Of your wondrous works Let the vine be preserved In season, to make the acquaintance of A significant love Of help to protect thee Righteously reserved To enlighten thee A time of revealing At a distance awaits Preservation of patience In your image created Promises belated outside of your will Of futile attempts to evade your plan For I am not my own There is help in you alone Presented cares at your throne In your presence may I stay Pearl: One cannot underestimate motives established In opposition to For outsiders of the recognition Of my true valuation Let them locate me not With casted lots they can but ill afford You know my worth You have me preserved In safe keeping Until an appointed time True justice is thine Let your kingdom advance Counterfeit collectors Of no business in here Adorn me with your covering Glory be to you With humility and honour To seek your truth There is none like you Blessed be the temple I have been redeemed For he is my keeper Let me return to thee A prized and treasured purchase Such gems are rare As a living sacrifice Be pleasing to thee Honour you in worship With mindfulness take heed Aaran: There is a ruler in the land Of covenants and commands A mighty love With jealousy, of mercies that endure He reigns forever more Of the future and before Of granted seasons In spirit to discern Of faithful steps where I am tested To stretch established trust “Will you walk with me, to a place that you know not” With former ways forgot A courageous look ahead In spirit and in truth Let me follow you Every facet of my being Awesome depths of knowledge, wisdom and understanding Of paths to pursue On ahead we shall go Pearl: Do they possess your righteousness? Were they sent in your name? They have not your likeness Conflicting with your plan They bring no completeness Disharmony abounds With such fruitless planting Upon rocky ground Yokes of inequality to establish not Presenting common gifts to exclusivity Of access unauthorised Of acts to displease Claims of validation Such will be disproved Of a different team they are Of their travels from afar Of which of these can be after your own heart? To see beyond the shell Where favour cannot reside Cast away their pride Return from whence you came Patience is a virtue Let my life exemplify With your gardening of reason Of true love amplified Aaran: To trust in your timing Let your ways become my ways Recharge my focus The potter moulds the clay A rebirth of integrity A calling forth to lead Of due responsibility Opportunities embraced So I shall arise Evolving ever wise Symbolising service Blessed to be a blessing Gracefully equipped Faithfully serving With reverence so aligned Of seasons placed on time Of suitable design A man of the divine A vessel of virtue A good thing I will find Pearl: An objective of order Contemplating eyes For whatsoever you find, that is unlike you Be extracted, be removed Reestablishment be loosed One appointed master Of obedience to you Old ways be overturned Of varied lessons learnt Refurbish and restore Bring your authority Be the head about the door Brought beyond brokenness Restorer of joyfulness Complement contentedness Companion incomparable Character in confidence That of transformation Faith in the intangible Supernaturally sure Intentional living All of which I strive No desire to arrive Countering complacency His bold divinity, will enhance my days Divine provider of wealth Of spiritual health He stands in the gap A bringer of true balance His care is unabridged Aaran: At such an appointed time A climate of change I will recognise my dearest With opened eyes Like the dawn of sunrise I will be drawn to thee Of natural beauty He will spiritually advise To have found the one In accordance with your blueprint Of events orchestrated Of joyfulness elated How precious is thee! Seemingly hidden from view With devotion to development That our paths would cross To begin our journey In one accord Of such blessings to afford To one day so stand before Our maker Declarations of love and commitment to thee Of such a blessed vision One day realised For until such a time Let me wait upon the Lord To seek first his righteousness Before our holy covenant I shall wait on thee Pearl: As events unfold Let all that you touch upon turn into gold With wonders of mystery Bold miraculous signs Nature’s seasons ever changing Truly divine With no division of time Of cares undivided Due attention to you Reveal to me your truths As I soulfully meditate upon your daily word Lest I depart from righteous ways Lead me all of my days May I cling to you Love’s loyal devotion Blissfully lost in your word You guide me as light By day and by night Enlightened watchtower of constancy Exalt you in your sanctuary For you have created a work in me For your word shall not return to you void In you I shall prosper Accomplish I will Of promises spoken Shall come to pass Let your divine order take precedence Let my cup runneth over Bring wholesomeness Your blessed investment concerning me Left not alone You called me as your own Selectively sought and set apart To kneel before you with humility Your goodness washing over me How much greater can this be? Aaran: A creator above all You catch me when I fall Of whom could match the wondrous treasure I have found in you The sacred gift of your beloved son For my salvation With victory already won In fellowship with you So to feast upon the bread of heaven My daily fill You are my strength and you are my shield A fortified fortress that stands on high There is none like you No tower could be built, that could surpass you Of whom could reach you with earthly hands Or overrule your divine plans To fathom the works of your mighty hands Truly appointed before my formation You laid the foundations Of which to create Blessedly ordained For your holy purpose Qualified I will embrace Thou art is divine Pearl: Of seasons granted, so I have been blessed In the comfort of your arms You are the fire to my flame Spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit Enlightened with wisdom and understanding Yet that I may discern what is unlike you To hear your voice With strangers unfollowed You are the founder of new ability Of your powerful ways You fill me with courage I am nourished with strength The means to go on There is healing in the name My call yet not in vain Unceasing in prayer You bring me new vitality As essential as the breadth of life The greatness in me because of you You have granted holy consciousness Let my desire be for you For changes that you orchestrate Of whom could foresee the times Of the truly divine Aaran: Your founded access to my innermost being Let me be more like you To be steadfast in obedience Your statutes of noble sovereignty Perspective renewal Be washed Be cleansed Knowing you, knowing you I want to know you more Only you can restore The joy of your salvation Your bold proclamation upon the earth To so recognise worth and offer redemption I will sing for joy and tell of your righteousness You unlock blessings at every elevation Your continued revelation imparted to me I will exalt thee For you are holy Let your Holy Spirit dwell in me Your enlightening instructions concerning me My walk with you Yet a day draws near For my dearest one Shall surely come Pieces of the puzzle A flow of fluency May my inner soul glow With sure delight Oh the joy you bring There is gladness in the offering Beyond happenstance So spiritually lead In your perfect will To be so aligned Pearl: To hear the voice of my Sovereign Lord To be called aside concerning me Of the knowledge to impart to me Ushered beyond un-forgiveness Of relationships renewed Your re-established order To picture perfect peace A flow in harmony My daily time with thee Yet no matter where I go, I always circle back to thee! Of days made anew For I am complete and whole in you There is an abundance of joy There is an ultrasound of gladness Of the news you bring regarding me You have concealed me with your covering Hidden beneath your wings Yet of a time that has now come Of such practiced preparation You are calling forth a season In you I have grown in intimacy Shaped and moulded Daughter of the king To so now reveal to me The becoming of a bride Of your covenant So you cover me Gracefully guided In fellowship with you I shall await for your appointed day As the bride of Christ In perfect patience Aaran: May I be granted the privilege of your acquaintance The Lord has spoken to me concerning you A timely revealing To assuredly know A joyous recognition Of such beauty to embrace May we so establish An honourable courtship How the essence of your soul resonates with me Wholesomely relatable May I invest my time and share thus journey with you With Christ at the centre May we one day enter Into a sacred covenant How you blissfully share the good news of the Lord How we address each other in one accord Seated in blessed harmony My prayers for you An unfolding reality May we continue to preserve All that is in reserve Until such a time that the Lord has called forth For no matter where I go, I will always circle back to thee! Pearl: To have pictured this moment Unfolding before my eyes Like a blissful sunrise I am delighted with thee The joy of the Lord resides in me May we offer praises to the king A blessed journey has begun May we give due attention to all that is to come I was hidden for a time Yet I will be yours and you will be mine May we grow in love May we follow truth Let us share our thoughts With wisdom in line To have journeyed through the stages and so be refined You offer delicacy of the finest gold May our weaknesses be made perfect in his strength May we continue to always seek the Lord With wisdom and wise counsel Yet be accountable May we grow and prosper In accordance with his will A blessed revealing Of a time to be s-t-i-l-l For no matter where I go, I will always circle back to thee! Aaran: Oh Sovereign Lord Of the delight you bring Beyond completeness in you My help you have brought May I truly qualify to have her hand The transferring of your holy covenant Equip me to cover her All the days of her life A reality beyond my dreams You intervened and made me upright To be appointed to solemnly stand As a godly man To sacredly vow In full sight of you In reverent witness Of unified agreement For us to so merge as one Of such a coming together Let no one separate Oneness of soul Two become one flesh In your perfect will Created with a purpose Let us co-create Let your threefold cord Truly bind us together May our love glorify you All the days of our lives For no matter where I go, I will always circle back to thee! Pearl: Sing praises to the king To the father of creation His timely revelation So perfectly divine For my love has found favour For the goodness he has found Of exceeding abundance Of the varied forms So gratefully received May we scatter our blessings right across the earth May we share the good news Let ministries be birthed Let your purpose radiate In all righteousness May we attest to the goodness you bring Had I not answered your call I would continue to F A L L When I was far from you You drew me near I could but revere The treasure I have found in you I am wallowed within the midst of your love Of blessings unfolding Yet sent from above For no matter where I go, I will always circle back to thee! Aaran: I relish the goodness of the king How your marvellous might surpasses all As I bow at your throne For you are God and God alone! For no matter where I go, I will always circle back to thee! Poem written by Geraldine Taylor ©️

New Post has been published on Cloudlight

New Post has been published on https://cloudlight.biz/china-hits-milestone-in-developing-quantum-computer/

China hits milestone in developing quantum computer

A team of scientists from eastern China has built the first form of quantum computer that they say is quicker than one of the early technology of traditional computers evolved inside the Forties. The researchers at the College of Technological know-how and Era of China at Hefei in Anhui province constructed the machine as a part of efforts to broaden and highlight the destiny use of quantum computers. The gadgets make use of the manner debris interact at a subatomic level to make calculations instead of conventional computer systems which use digital gates, switches, and binary code.

China in race to construct first code-breaking quantum supercomputer

The Hefei machine predicts the noticeably complex movement and behavior of subatomic debris referred to as photons, which make up mild. Everyday supercomputers conflict to predict the behavior of photons because of their large stage of unpredictability and the problems in modeling. Pan Jianwei, the lead scientist at the undertaking, told a press briefing in Shanghai on Wednesday that their tool changed into already 10 to eleven times quicker at sorting out the calculations than the first electronic virtual PC, ENIAC, would have been able to. ENIAC become developed within the Forties.

The Chinese language crew admits that their machine is of no realistic use as it simplest incorporates out this one fantastically complex form of calculation, but it highlights the future potential of quantum computing. The team’s research turned into formally published in the medical magazine Nature Photonics on Tuesday. Scientists estimate that the contemporary quicker supercomputers might battle to estimate the behavior of 20 photons.

What’s Being Shipped Out of China?

We think you’ll agree that logistics and shipment extent play an important function in the success of an eCommerce business.

Each measure the fitness of one’s commercial enterprise in addition to the monetary increase of a country; the more shipments, the better financial system.

Delivery services vary in price from one us of a to another, but they proportion one common goal – to supply the products as speedy as feasible.

But, if a country has been always shipping an awesome amount of parcels, wouldn’t this pique your curiosity as a business owner?

If you ask us, we would inspect it proper away, and so we did!

The united states with the biggest Parcel quantity

Based totally on international shipping statistics, China has been delivery the largest parcel extent.

It bills for 68.79% of overall applications shipped worldwide as of October of this 12 months.

The essential vacation spot of China’s parcels become America’s wherein there may be a growing wide variety of customers patronizing Chinese merchandise because of their competitive expenses.

Aside from that, China’s speedy and cheaper Transport service also continues to attract greater US clients to its on-line shops.

One example of a fast and affordable Chinese language delivery carrier is ePacket, China Post’s specific Delivery arm, which is answerable for delivering online orders to the USA, United kingdom, France, Russia and Australia.

What’s Popping out of China?

Granting that China gives low-cost delivery, what merchandise are non-Chinese language customers shopping so that it will avail themselves of this service?

Primarily based on the records accumulated through our studies crew, maximum of China’s shipments comprise pinnacle-selling merchandise from on-line shops like Alibaba and AliExpress, specifically:

Smartphones and smart watches

Apparel Shoes Computers and handheld devices Home appliances Home décor and outdoor products Chinese dealers on Amazon’s marketplace who’re leveraging Amazon Prime China, which becomes launched last month, have also notably contributed to the range of parcels shipped out of China.

Although China’s eCommerce maintains to flourish and boom the quantity of shipments for its B2C segment, the 2015 statistics on Chinese exports show that China’s top 10 exports account for over 60% of us of as global shipments.

5th Wedding Anniversary: A Milestone In A Couple’s Life

Achieving 5 years of marriage is clearly quite a success for the couple. It’s far a time to take into account the years which have exceeded through and to hope for extra advantages in the years to come. The conventional wedding anniversary gift for the fifth 12 months is wood, which symbolizes energy and lifelong dating. There are many gift ideas made from wood which can be a great present for the occasion. If you decide upon the current or cutting-edge present, silver, which symbolizes the married couple being joined together as husband and spouse. This could be reminiscent of the band-shaped in marriage.

Timber being each herbal and versatile material has countless opportunities whilst selecting as a present to your partner. You could take a look at on-line for the particular 5th anniversary present ideas and what you’ll select will surely be preferred.

A fashionable and first-rate desire for the 5th wedding

Ceremony anniversary is a timber track box with a view to making a pleasant traditional family decorative piece. It plays beautiful track whilst displaying as a top notch earrings container. It’ll certainly be a precious present for a long term, no longer to encompass it as one-of-a-type collector’s object.

Planting a touch pot tree for your very own backyard is a superb way to celebrate your fifth wedding ceremony anniversary. Timber will stay for plenty a long time and represent strong and lifelong dating. You can watch it develop together with your kids.

For the children, there’s not anything greater fun than gambling under a tree. My parents planted different styles of fruit Timber in both our back and front backyard and furnished us with every year deliver of fruits. while harvest season arrives, we all acquire unto it and percentage the goodness with our spouse and children, pals and buddies.

A lovely hand made the wood rings box is a unique gift for the fifth wedding anniversary

Too. It will give your wife an area to save and guard her most relished possessions for many years to return.

In case you are considering giving plant life, it method lots! Typically, plants characterize mind. Women are very emotional people and that they keep in mind that flowers stand for I really like you. There are numerous methods in which a man can inform or display a female his emotions for her. with the aid of giving her plant life, it says it all.

It is not definitely the flora itself. Just the very thought of your love and affection that makes any woman shiver. In case you are considering giving your spouse the fifth wedding anniversary flower image, daisy, which represents distinctive feature, constancy, transparency and love make her chuckle with pleasure.

Fanatics, for the duration of the past, have shared plants as a symbol of their love and devotion. The language and that means of flowers have advanced thru the centuries and will forever make an high-quality present. Blossoms are our partner within an essential chapter of our lives, like start, graduation day, vacations, wedding day and wedding anniversaries, in illness and eventually, in loss of life.

Developing Courage in Difficult Times

We don’t expand courage by being satisfied each day. We develop it with the aid of surviving tough times and tough adversity. Our difficult times regularly convey out the first-rate in ourselves.

In my revel in, humans who have been through painful, hard instances are packed with compassion. In spite of adversity, those who are happiest appear to have a way of mastering from difficult times, becoming more potent, wiser and happier as a end result. Man isn’t always made for defeat. It’s miles authentic that Guy go through distinct phases in life. It is a part of residing and current. Occasionally we’re devastated because of the loneliness and emptiness we sense inside but we want not lose desire.

First-rate guys do no longer experience small challenges. They face Superb project but that’s what makes them Terrific. that’s what provide them Awesome tale. They live and depart distinct footprints of existence on minds

Braveness is a desire that calls for movement. supply yourself credit score. Use the identical energy to make brave selections nowadays. Every so often, making the wrong preference is higher than making no desire. You have got the braveness to go forward; that is rare. I’m now not a brave character with the aid of nature. but at a certain factor in my lifestyles, I locate the courage to go away my husband.

Finding the courage to stand in which I fall allowed me to have perseverance in existence. Or perhaps at times, It’s far a mixture of spirit and choice, love and hopes to recognize where to appearance without flinching. The most effective true degree of braveness is perseverance underneath strain.

Actual courage is doing the proper factor when nobody’s looking.

The important thing to lifestyles is accepting demanding situations. Be grateful for those painful memories of your existence, due to the fact those what fashioned you to emerge as who you’re now. Each mistake teaches you some thing new about yourself. There may be no failure, consider, besides in now not attempting. It’s far the courage to keep that counts. It is able to completely rework your existence. Do the right aspect due to the fact It’s far proper. These are the magic keys to living your existence with integrity even in tough times.

You broaden it by using surviving tough instances and hard adversity

You will never do something in this international without courage. It’s far the best first-rate of the thoughts, next to honor. The challenge will not wait. life does now not look back. Maintain on on your power and in no way supply it away.

That’s what braveness is. Beginning again. Damning the day past and going through the following day with your head held excessively.

This newsletter is ready survival. Even in tough times, There may be still hoping to have a better destiny.

Originally posted 2016-08-28 02:33:05.

email to my teacher (warning alot of personal stuff)

Hey so, sorry to email you out of nowhere like this? But i feel like maybe im finally at a point where i can explain more thoroughly why im having trouble with school or just succeeding in general. I think its really important that i tell you some of this junk because theres a chance it might make the rest of the year easier for you and me.

I wanted to start off with apologizing for all the trouble ive caused you throughout the year with the annoying comments, disruptions and backtalk.  And most of all the terrible ability i have with doing and turning in work.

This email is mostly to explain my situation and reasoning for acting/struggling the way i have been (not to annoy you or be sarcastic).

Alright so, if you havent noticed i struggle with some things and one of them i never really bring up is ptsd. I have been diagnosed and im hoping to enlighten you on my specific issues with it, (everything i mention will apply to me as to make it less confusing from here on)

 I have a specific type of ptsd called Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma) This type of ptsd is different in that it results from repetitive, prolonged trauma. My causes for being diagnosed are specifically natural-detachment from my mother and physical/sexual abuse growing up and some other things im not going to mention.

My side effects from this are,

Attachment – "problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other's emotional states, and lack of empathy"

This is strongly linked to my reactive attachment disorder and explains alot to why i am the way i am. Heres a link to a website http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-reactive-attachment-disorder#1 that explains a bit of what it is so that i do not have to make this already long email that much longer, i would also really appreciate it if you read even just a little.

I have an extreme lack of trust in others and am constantly doubting myself, there is not a second of the day where i dont think im a horrible person, i could be doing better, im disgusting to look at ect. The social isolation is a big problem for me, because im “this way” i feel that bothering others with my presence/problems/medical difficulties ect. is not necessary and for the better. Hence why i refrain from asking when i really need help, im scared to bother you. I dont want to make you angry and i know you and mrs mumford are already so stressed by the time my bell starts.

Biology – "sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems"

This ties into my Fibromyalgia and eds which ill explain more about after i go through ptsd. Its all kind of one big mixed bag of disorders that tie together and make me the way i am.

Affect or emotional regulation – "poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes"

Like i talked about before i feel extremely useless and annoying when asking for help or even talking about the things i enjoy. And when trying to explain my difficulties i stop midsentence or forget words/forget what my problem is and it becomes frustrating.

Dissociation – "amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events"

THIS is what i blame for never being able to remember anything. With fibromyalgia i have whats called “brain fog” and with the constant dream like state im in because of dissociation it makes my memory absolutely terrible. Remembering your names in class took me until almost 3rd quarter and it was utterly embarrassing(i still forget sometimes), its even more embarrassing when i forget basic buttons on the calculator and have to ask in front of everyone looking like an idiot.Or when i try to shout out an answer in class and it comes out gibberish because my mind is everywhere all at once, Or when we have a test on the formula we learned a week ago, and of course my mind draws a blank. I cant remember, and it makes me so frustrated with myself that i want to break down right there in class. It renders me doing weird things too, like the other day i put the icecream in the bread drawer, and on sunday i woke up and got ready for school. Theres alot of other things i could say but its as if fibro is laughing in my face.

 Dissociation in my own words is feeling like nothing is real, things dont feel like they happened. What does feel real is the pain/feeling in my body, i am a very anxious and jumpy person so im very sensitive to loud sounds/touch/weather and certain (triggering)  talk among students. And yet i still feel in a daze,My vision will sometimes blur and i am very prone to falling/accidents, staying focused can be extremely frustrating because my brain feels like a cloud, its almost uncontrollable like a dream. I dont think anyone can control those very much so i think its a good example.

Behavioural control – "problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems"

Im pretty okay with impulses, i of course have alot of very impulsive thoughts but i am good at controlling them id say, same with aggression but i very much so struggle with sleep problems because of nightmares from ptsd and chronic pain from fibro, i have not been diagnosed with insomnia but im sure i fit the criteria im just really bad at opening up with doctors/people ect.

These are just a couple more symptoms to help explain,

Cognition – "difficulty regulating attention, problems with a variety of "executive functions" such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring, difficulty processing new information, difficulty focusing and completing tasks, poor object constancy, problems with "cause-effect" thinking, and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities."

Self-concept – "fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self".

Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.

Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.

Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings

Now that im done explaining the ptsd, Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder that my doctor believes to be linked to my other disorders, Fibromyalgia has to do with the senses we as humans all have, feeling, hearing, taste, and sight. The difference between someone with fibro and an average healthy person is lets say theres a knob for how strong each of these senses are, so imagine someone taking all those knobs and turning them all the way up to max sensitivity. Youd think oh cool youre like a super hero (like my sister likes to say) but no its the exact opposite, it does not benefit me whatsoever. Feeling, paired with ehlers danlos syndrome both my joints and my muscles are constantly in pain and some days ill have what you call a “flare up” which is where getting out of bed usually isnt an option for my body, i cannot remember the last time i didnt feel at least a dull ache in my head, i get migraines at least once everyday and unfortunately i get nauseous so i dont eat very much . Almost everything is irritating to my skin, a simple light rub of my finger on the top of my forearm is irritating and raw feeling (like ive been sitting there rubbing the same spot for hours) /Writing is over all painful, including typing as well/

If youve ever woken up in the morning with sore muscles from pushing yourself too hard the day before,that is how the muscles in my body feel, if you press on them they ache, and sting/burn when i use them. painful touch for most of my body paired with constant anxiety of getting bumped into/touched is stressful and tiring. On a good day my pain scale is a 5 from 1-10 but thats if im really lucky.

Then theres the weather, if im too hot and i start to sweat, the sweat stings my skin and i end up going into a frenzy of scratching and agony.  If its too cold my joints will start to lock up and become painful, its like they freeze and when i move them it feels like im shattering ice in my hand mixed with dull muscle ache. If its a good temperature theres still the feeling and i swear, the sound i can hear of my joints grinding together like two pieces of rubber being rubbed against eachother slowly.

Hearing is also bad, loud sounds are very irritating to my ears and will cause my migraine to get worse.(Talking too loud)Other irritating sounds, paper rubbing against paper roughly making that blblblb sound, high pitched noises of any loudness, squeaks, repetitive beeps ect.

Sight wise turning on lights abruptly is painful and makes my migraine worse, any bright light in general.

Taste doesnt really matter so i wont mention, but because these knobs are turned full blast it means the nerves and pain receptors in my body are being over worked constantly by my brain

And my brain thinks its doing its job by constantly acting like ive been running triathalons.

The recollection of pain comes in avalanches of distress for me. I usually experience the intense turmoil of fibromyalgia in the winter, or whenever cold fronts shatter the air and its frail victims. My limbs cannot contain the strength possible to function during those cold spells. Fibromyalgia’s lengthy sentence comes and goes for some, but, as a teenager, it’s disheartening. For the rest of my life, I will never be able to remember living without every waking moment marked by pain.

The abnormality of fibro weighs on my shoulders when I’m asleep, awake, or anywhere inbetween. I wake up at 4:30 each morning in order to be shuffling around by 6:20 a.m. The heaviness of my body pulls me down and pains me as I take a shower, put on my clothes, and put my small backpack on my shoulder to head out to school. Any sense of touch creates extreme levels of pain for me. Touching my arm, poking my leg, and brushing against my back hurt as much as twisting my ankle. My distraught reaction is a lot like a dog crying in pain and distrust after you accidentally step on its paw. Because im always in pain im always right next to the emotional breaking point, im always on the verge of tears. The smallest things can make me break down.

The pain prohibits me from being a teenager. Thanks to fibro, I cannot dress up in my favorite clothes and be what you call “Extra” everyday as i so much wish to be during the winter. My hands are crooked and shake too much usually to apply makeup. I struggle with applying eyeliner, because my hands hurt too much wrapped around a brush. The uncomfortable school chairs make me weep when I return home, because they destroy my concentration, forcing me to focus on the overwhelming pain I feel. I used to excel in school, but now, I can barely think fast enough, and come off as ditzy. I feel like I’m constantly struggling to maintain the fragments of my intelligence I lost due to fibro medication and fibromyalgia itself.

My GPA, became my ball and chain in school, rather than an accomplishment worth sharing. During the year, my schedule is dictated by the weather. Cold weather causes agonizing, excruciating pain that races down my spine and branches through my limbs. If a cold front passes, rain falls, snow falls, or temperatures drop, I freeze like the Tin Man, except there isn’t any oil to move my joints. The way I get sleep should be considered a torture method. Many people feel refreshed or renewed when they wake up after 8 hours, but I feel completely restless and exhausted. And thats if the nightmares from the PTSD dont interrupt. I toss and turn for hours in pain, because the pain signals interrupt the sleep cycle. I cry intensely whenever I think of sleep; school usually means a lack of sleep, but I am further deprived without choice. My biological system cannot allow me to rest, and continues to tense my muscles in a constant state of flight or fight.

With most schools starting at 8 a.m., my body struggles to run on 8 hours of sleep (which really feels like two). The exhaustion prevents me from hanging out with some of my closest friends. In the early stages of having fibromyalgia, I used to be able to do school clubs, hang out with my best friend, and go to cons with my friends often. Now, I spend my time huddled down, trying to make up for the nights of lost sleep. The lack of sleep and the endless pain contribute to extreme depression. And to keep my mood relatively happy i act like a goose in school with friends which doesnt do me good with teachers, I do it to not break down and let myself get too low around others because i know id regret embarrassing myself like that more than anything. The pain yearns for my thoughts to leap toward suicidal thoughts, and I was obsessed with death for years and still am. There was a time when I searched for ways to end my life, because nobody could help me and I couldn’t face living the rest of my life knowing that I’ll always be in pain. I still have these thoughts, and I believe I always will as long as I emit pain. Hence why i was in the hospital for a week recently, the hopelessness and embarrassment is dragging me down. The whole idea of having fibromyalgia embarrasses me. I’m embarrassed that I am constantly being called crippled, disabled, or chronically ill.Or worse not being noticed at all while struggling. I’m embarrassed that fibromyalgia makes me feel like I’m 67 instead of 16. I’m embarrassed that I will never be able to be an artsy beat poet like Patti Smith, or a rock ‘n’ roll guitarist like Keith Richards.

So i think thats as much as i can cover for you right now with my two of my biggest problems , im extremely exhausted and im not joking when i say my fingers feel like they are gonna fall off haha.  

Im terribly sorry for how long this email is but i think i got most everything with these two topics in there, also dont feel obliged to reply to this, im already embarrassed i even wrote all this down (terribly).

Quick thing i would like to say before i end the email, with all respect i am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am simply stating the way i am  in hopes that if you understand itll make things less stressful for me and you. So dont feel like you have to do anything for me.  

Thankyou for reading if you got this far, really. (btw forwarding this to Mrs. m******d is totally okay with me)