#and like it makes me feel alive an i aint really got another outlet for romantic love? at least rn
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#i get such massive crushes on ppl#and like it is possible to remind myself that they aint feel that way back and either kill off those feelings#or at least not engage with those feelings lessun im alone#and like it makes me feel alive an i aint really got another outlet for romantic love? at least rn#but it also makes me end up feeling inordinately sad when ive been by myself thinking about that#daydreaming about people and what our lives could be like together#but im not. dating material. romance material. worth it. what ppl are looking for.#take your pick. all it means is that i cant conceptualize an interaction with someone where they arent holding me at arms length#and its a self-fulfilling prophecy because i accept that thats what i deserve#im gonna be fine after ive cried myself to sleep and this is not out of an actual expectation that these people would feel any type of way#because theyre all ppl with their own lives and im just a bit part in it or some fun or smth. and im legitimately good w playing that role#im just glad to be in these ppls lives to the extents they want me to be#i think my sadness mostly comes from the knowledge that whatever place i hold in their lives is impermanent
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