look. fnaf has been a special interest of mine since it first came out but it has done irreparable damage to the animatronic community.

HUGE TW GO AWAY IF U DONT WANNA HEAR SU.C!D3 THOUGHTS

-also this isnt a call for help i just dont like the way notes look i hate yellow tunblr is pretty so plesse ignore this if it bothers you

--- boring boring everythinf is so boring i wanna do things ive never done before, it doesnt matter what it is anything i havnt done i want to do but at the same time i csnt bring myself to do anything i text no one all day and i wanna dissapear soso bad i really wish i could just do shrooms and not worry about anyrhinf and do all the things ive never done. i have been siting around smoking weed all day and sleeping snd playing genshin and playing survival horror and fucking sister location for so long. when i wake up i wanna smash my head in the floor and sink into the ground i wanna feel my body floating but i also want to see the bright colors inside of me, i want to be able to do these things while not dying just yet, stab my stomach and grab all my organs and ts:td them. why do i want to do this. i want to do things that arent humanly possible everyday. i take my meds and feel like they are making me worse becuase im taking them ome day then not for a couple weeks and so on, my body is confused and everyday i want to relapse so bad but i dont, because i hate when people accidently see my sh and i get this chill down my whole body at the same time a heat flash, i cant stop wondering what they are thinking, do they feel bad for me? are they blaming themselves? do they think im weak? do they now feel upset because they think i am or was? because at this point, the past year, im doing it for fun. for example, i have no reason to be sad or upset or wanting to die so fucking bad, and i just get all these thoughts rushing through my head screaming pulling yanking all my body to take action and listen to them and i havnt in awhile, ive been fighting it way too hard, when i get too overwhelmed when that happens i bang my head on the floor and grab my face and pull my skin down imagining my nails are pulling it off but alas no it leaves marks but not nearly close to what my thoughts are seeing. i feel sick all the time i never feel at peace with myself. i have all a's right now and i have no idea how. i thought if my grades were better id feel better even a bit but no, tryinf to fight it is too hard, i wanna die in every way. every way. i deserve it i really do, but i cant think about why becuase then my head will hurt way too much and ill throw up. im a bad person, i really am. i seem like such a sweet n loving person, but the truth is i have a big attachment issue while staying distsnt at the same time, i think about that thing way too much and imagine all these things happening that never will, its not day dreaming its discusting, i dont mesn sexual i mean like every gross thing my childhood was ruined with. everything i fucking love turns into me obbessing over it and when i obbsess over something my old obbsesion tries to imterfere. none of this makes sense im just like half asleep writing bs but anyway ive gotten back into my fnaf phase i was in after i got out of my time i lived with my dad, 7 years ago. my trauma had nothing to do with him, actuslly i take that back bigtime. anyway i had internet access way too young and sadly came across the wrong side, and sadly its part of who i wm now, becuase of what i decided to watch all the time staying up at night wtaching live g*re and then going to school like nothinf happened. i was fucking seven years old. why did that have to happen. i wish i never was able to touch a computer and social media. all the things i love are ruined. i ruined them. what messes up my mind? yeah okay a fucking mental disorder but what caused it? everyone around me feel so fake and i feel like ive been living in a video game for seven years. i wonder if my best friend thinls im a discusting person. they arent a perfect person, no one is but they have a pure bliss personality, no bad thoughts about hurting others and wanting to do unhuman things. i want to destroy my brain, none of the information i have in my mind is useful. i dont think ill live past 18, i thought that when i was eighr years old. if theres one thing im certiam of its there truly is no point in life. goodnight i hope you all sl