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chaoticevilbean · 3 years

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Another Star Wars AU, TBN*

*To-Be-Named

I love time travel. A lot. So here is a time-travel au, with the CW trio.

Somehow, perhaps by touching a Sith artifact, perhaps by the Force deciding they should, perhaps from some sort of weird ritual the locals were performing that the trio didn't know about, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Anakin, Rex, and Cody travel aback in time.

[Please keep in mind that Canon Timeline has died tragically in a fire, and I am but the weeping widow with an inheritance.]

Due to whatever happened, they all also end up (technically) deaging. They still have their memories and their knowledge and skills, just stuck in smaller bodies. They can think and act like adults, but they also have to struggle a bit more to implement Older Skills in Younger Bodies.

Ahsoka is 2. She's nubby. She's emotional. She's tired and sore from her deaging.

She wakes up in someone's office. She's in a spinny chair, a big one with leather padding. It's kind-of chilly in the room.

She's not thinking, because all her brain is putting together is that she's still tired. She grabs the jacket off the back of the chair and pulls it over herself. She goes back to sleep.

Rex and Cody wake up together.

They are their actual age, which is to say they're both about eleven.

They find themselves on Mandalore. In the more wild areas.

(let me believe that there are parts of the planet that aren't covered in city)

(also, this is the Mandalore in the cartoons)

They find a teen trying to wake them both up. Rex has absolutely no clue what's going on. Cody has a vague idea, because this girl looks very similar to a picture he once saw...

Obi-Wan does not fare as well. He is 3.

He wakes up in someone's arms. He's just as tired and sore as the other three. However, he's also got more awareness because he's in someone's arms.

He looks up to see who's carrying him.

He looks around at the people walking with them.

He starts crying. He cannot help this, as he is suddenly flooded with Emotions, and he is Smol. Smol = harder to handle Emotions.

Because Qui-Gon is walking right next to him, tapping away on a holopad as they go. Dooku is on his other side, on a comm call where both parties sound very tired.

And Obi-Wan is being held... by Obi-Wan.

So, yeah, not that great for a suddenly Smol Obi.

Now, Anakin is 8, so he's better off in that perspective.

But he wakes up on some remote planet without anyone around. He just was in the middle of a group, so he ends up kinda panicking.

Then he hears something coming towards him, and he panics more.

He's Tiny! He's Smol! He's massively at a disadvantage against attacks! He can't fight off whatever is on a planet like this!

It's Mace (and Depa).

Anakin, however, doesn't realize this. He has gone Feral.

Back to the beginning

Jango Fett has been very busy w/Important Mand'alor Paperwork all day. He finally has time to go and relax a little, and he makes it all the way down to the exit before he realizes:

It is really cold outside. He is not in armor bc he was planning to only do paperwork today (though he still has many weapons). When one plans to stay in the same room for almost the entire day, one does not wear normal garb.

That said, he has no protection from the cold. He forgot his jacket upstairs. He rushes back up to his office.

He distinctly remembers that he left the jacket on the back of his chair, not on the seat.

He also is wondering what that lump is.

He arms himself, grabs some of his "emergency" armor plating, and walks over to the chair.

He lifts his jacket up, expecting a bomb or some paperwork that fell off the desk, or something logical.

He does not expect to find a tiny Togruta child clinging onto the fabric, whining as they're woken up by his yanking of the jacket.

Jango's brain stutters for a moment, then he kicks into action.

First things first, he wraps the jacket around the Togruta. They thankfully stay asleep. Then he turns up the heat, because he knows the office has gotten colder in the twenty minutes or so he's been gone, and Togruta are from warm temperate zones.

He decides to call, in this order, a guard who can help him watch the Togruta (they did break in, after all), a medic to check the Togruta’s health, and the first person he can find in his contacts that might know an adult Togruta.

Next group

Rex and Cody manage to get the teen to stop fussing over them for long enough to ask for her name.

Her, clearly lying, but that’s understandable: My name is Ine.

Cody, who knows exactly who this is now: Oh, kriff. You’re Duchess Satine, aren’t you? Kriff.

Rex: Wait, Satine? As in the General’s Satine?

Satine, now very suspicious and reaching for her stunner: I think you need proper medical attention.

Cody, looking down at their eleven-year-old selves: Yeah, I think so, too.

They agree on one thing, at least.

Obi-Wan is crying. Loudly, uncontrollably, w/too many Emotions to even care that he’s supposed to be an adult rn.

Other Obi-Wan is very uncomfortable, bc he doesn’t know how to handle children too well.

They found this kid unconscious in the middle of a ruined, abandoned town.

Obi-Wan was meant to hold this kid while Qui-Gon did research and Master Dooku tried to convince the Council that it was entirely necessary to bring the kid back to Coruscant. Granted, they can still give the child to the locals at any time before they make it back to their ship, but apparently the Force is Being Loud.

The Force was Being Loud when it told Master Dooku to come along.

The Force was Being Loud when it led them to that town.

Qui-Gon and Dooku have argued fifteen and a half times on this mission, and an additional six times on the flight here. Obi-Wan is trying to mediate but also doesn’t want to overstep. The Force is Being Loud, sure, but the kid is also Force-sensitive so it might be something off that.

He didn’t argue with holding the kid bc he thought that it was better than being caught between the Masters.

Holding a crying child and trying to get two adults to stop arguing bc they can’t decide how to comfort the kid is not better.

Obi-Wan keeps walking past them to the ship with this baby. He does what he’s seen some crechemasters do to the younglings. The kid eventually calms a little, and he belatedly realizes that both Masters are still behind him, not with him.

Anakin is panakin.

He is currently in a state of Feralness. His instincts have kicked into overdrive, full-on Survival Mode.

Depa and Mace do not know this. All they know is that there was suddenly an extremely powerful Force presence that started fading quickly (bc Anakin started shielding).

They burst into sight of Anakin and are suddenly attacked by all four feet and some of Feral Force Child.

It’s all they can do for a good minute or so to avoid losing their fingers, eyes, or untorn clothes.

Mace puts a few things together very quickly.

This planet is uninhabited by any sapient life. Therefore, this child is utterly alone. This child also is clearly strong in the Force, and knows how to hide their presence, for whatever reasons. Mace is a Jedi, and therefore is bound by certain duties.

He decides it is his Duty to get this kid back to Coruscant safely.

Back to the beginning

Ahsoka wakes up to find a familiar face looking down at her. She’s still tired, but not as much. She’s very aware of her size, and does a few quick observations.

She does not fully know who Jango Fett is. She does know that some clones run off bc they hate war and weren’t given a choice an- no. Not going down that path yet.

Ahsoka assumes, semi-incorrectly, that she was shrunk or deaged and somehow found by a rogue clone.

She knows it’s a rogue clone bc they’ve got weird armor.

So she does the logical thing and tries to comfort this clone bc he looks really worried and kinda panicked. She stands up on the spinny chair and tries to balance and he practically lunges to help her and she can’t help but giggle, but it comes out in a bunch of chirps instead.

The clone picks her up and looks really awkward so she pats his face bc that’s the best she can do bc she doesn’t want to disprove the fact she’s two yet.

For all she knows, this rogue clone has no idea she’s actually a Commander in the GAR.

He doesn’t, but for different reasons than she thinks.

Rex and Cody go with Satine to the city. They have introduced themselves and said that they were separated from their aliit. They don't know where said aliit is.

Satine is highly suspicious by this point, bc these two kids recognized her with only part of her name, and they were alone, and they speak Basic with Mando'a thrown in.

Basically, she thinks that they're children of people like Death Watch, but she's too young to know that Death Watch isn't really into children.

Rex and Cody get checked over by a medic, but also start trying to get access to some working comms. They are refused on account of being suspicious children (which makes them a little upset bc they're not children)(Well, they are, but not those types of children)

They have not yet figured out that they are in the past, bc Cody and Rex only know that General Kenobi talks about Duchess Satine, and they know about Padme Amidala from General Skywalker, so clearly this Duchess is really young and the General simply viewed her as someone he wants to protect.

They are very very very wrong.

Obi-Wan manages to calm himself somewhat now that it's just him and... him.

He is three, and he knows roughly what's happening, so he knows he should probably act like a 3yo.

Unfortunately, he has very little understanding of how child ages work. 3 is smart enough to go up the stairs and communicate with adults, but def. not old enough to speak sentences that are 15 words long with at least 2 5-syllable words.

Fortunately, his older (younger?) self doesn't know children either.

So when this 3yo starts telling him that he needs to leave the two Masters on the planet and head to Tatooine really fast, Obi-Wan is more concerned about the idea than the strangeness of "this is a 3yo suggesting this".

Obi-Wan is really good at convincing people. Including himself. He manages to get Padawan Kenobi to leave supplies where the ship is supposed to be and head towards Tatooine.

He says that the Masters will be fine, they know how to survive, and they need to be alone together in order to work through all the tension. Plus, it gives them plenty of time to talk to the Council.

Toddler Kenobi also tells himself that he'll take the blow and say he used a mind-trick.

Padawan Kenobi doesn't believe him yet, but Toddler Kenobi smiles like a very smug adult and says "you'll get there eventually". What he truly means is up in the air.

Anakin, since waking up, knows much less than everyone else. Which is saying something.

He knows he's Smol. He knows he's Alone. He knows Someone has come and they are Strangers.

One thing about Anakin's instincts is that they are very much Survival Based. He was Feral when he joined the Jedi, only he had to hold those instincts back for most of his life bc of being a slave.

A slave cannot bite someone who approaches and Vibes Wrong.

By the time he felt okay with being Feral Out Loud, he also felt safe enough that he didn't need to activate his Survival Mode.

What I'm trying to say is that Anakin does not realize how strong his Feral Instincts are. He has absolutely no control over them rn.

When Mace decides to Help this child, this child is trying to Maul them.

Mace makes a small ruckus to draw Anakin's attention to him so Depa can move back. Depa pulls out her saber now that she won't hit the kid. The kid notices Purple and Bright and Lightsaber.

Lorge Jedi Mind says this is Good. Safe. Jedi.

Smol Feral Brain says this is Dangerous. Mean.

Anakin freezes on sight and just starts tracking Depa's saber. She does one of those things where a snake or something is focused and the person waves the fire or the food slowly to make sure the wolf is watching it and usually they toss the thing away so the snake follows it.

Mace instead takes this opportunity to wrap Anakin in his cloak. And Depa's cloak. And the spare ones in their bags.

Feral Child is not happy with this. Feral Child is also unable to scratch or Maul or do things other than bite and snarl.

Depa carries Feral Child while Mace comms the Temple and they walk back to their ship.

The Temple is having a field day.

First, one of their Shadows reports that a well-known bounty hunter got an emergency message from a pal of theirs that said Jango Fett needs help learning Togruta childcare.

Then they get a call from Dooku, which is not the mission report they wanted.

Yoda: Mission report, you have?

Dooku: Of a sort. We successfully spoke with the locals, then went to investigate a rather large disturbance.

Mundi: A disturbance?

Dooku: We found the source to be a Force-sensitive child.

Mundi: So you are here to ask for more time on the planet?

Dooku:...

Yoda: Bring the child back, you wish to?

Dooku, unapologetic: He is of an acceptable age to be admitted into the Temple, and no other beings were around at the time to entertain the idea of there being guardians.

The Council is sighing and muttering bc this is a Disaster Lineage (and they haven't even met the other two yet). Their call is interrupted by the sound of crying and Dooku saying the child's woken up.

Then there's another Shadow who sends a message saying a set of twins that seem like Death Watch were found by the heir of Clan Kryze.

Finally, to top everything off, they get a call from Mace Windu and Depa Billaba. Two very dignified, not-at-all chaotic Jedi from a perfectly respectable lineage.

Yeah, most of the Council and the Order itself forgets that Yoda had a hand in raising Windu. Yoda "Feral Grandpa" who throws children at every problem. Grandson isn't doing too well? Throw a child his way. Other grandchild is struggling to cope with grief? Throw another child their way. Oh, there's a war going on and newest grandchild is angry a lot? Here's a child!

The entire lineage has a soft spot for children.

Anyways...

Mace: Our mission was a success. We found the artifact and both specimens.

Koth: How long until your return?

Mace:...

Yoda: Found a child, you did?

Gallia: Master Yoda, that's a rather illogical guess. Once is unusual, twice is-

Mace: Oh, did Qui-Gon find a child as well?

Yoda, smugly: Bringing the child back, are you?

Depa, from the background, after a rather loud snarl is heard: We do not bite things, young one.

*more snarling*

Mace: We have no reason to believe he was not alone.

Tiin: *deep sighing*

Mundi: *mild confusion noises*

Koon, eagerly: Please send photos of this youngling. For the archives, of course.

Mace, nodding sagely: Of course.

*extremely loud yowl* *sounds of Mace turning*

Mace: DEPA!

Depa: He nearly bit off my finger!

Mace: That doesn’t mean you pinch him!

Depa: What else am I supposed to do?!

*sudden exclamation filled solely of Mando’a, Huttese and Twi’leki curses*

Mace: So, I don’t know if he speaks Basic, but Master Che should be able to talk him through a check-up.

Yeah, several Council members are experiencing headaches now. Normally, they would have some empathy for Mace and his own stress-induced migraines. They currently do not.

Right after that call, Dooku calls back to say that Obi-Wan has left without them.

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Dooku:

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Obi-Wan did not leave himself with the Masters. Obi-Wan has listened to Mini-Obi and is off on some wild space adventure to a criminal-run planet.

The toddler won’t stop staring at him. He asks for a name. The kid says to call him Ben.

OW: Is that your name?

“Ben”: It is a name I am called :)

OW: That isn’t what I meant.

“Ben”: I know :)

Ben also keeps staring at OW’s lightsaber. OW decides to make sure the kid doesn’t start playing with it when he isn’t looking.

MEANWHILE

Ahsoka has figured out that she was really very oh-so wrong. She’s on Mandalore. As in, the Mandalore that is under Jango Fett. Bc she’s with Jango Fett. He’s holding her hand bc she was nervous about the strange looking medic (who was just wearing armor, but not clone armor and civies don’t wear armor.)

Ahsoka knows very little about Jango Fett. Clone Buir, Mandalorian leader, tried to kill Master Kenobi. Also dead.

He asks how she got in. She shrugs. She is too small to fight back so she can’t let him know anything. Whatever everything is right now. But also, he doesn’t seem mean or evil or anything.

Oh yeah. Skyguy said that Mandos love children. That's why the clones were so protective of her, even with Skyguy on her side of the argument.

She decides to use this to her advantage. She can probably get herself a comm, and enough time to call the Temple. If she can convince them she at least knows a Jedi, then they can come get her and she'll work from there.

ELSEWHERE

Rex and Cody are getting really upset. This Duchess is really nice, but she's acting really weird and keeps insisting she's not actually called Duchess. No one will give them a comm, they keep getting weird looks for speaking Mando'a even though they're on Mandalore, and Satine's father keeps mentioning a Fett. Maybe Boba's set a bad example again.

Rex starts to fall asleep, to his chagrin. He's too bored, sitting and getting some abnormally extensive check-up. Cody is fine, but he's used to the calm that is General Kenobi. Rex usually has a Togruta teen in the vents and a Human that is never where he's supposed to be.

Rex does, in fact, fall asleep. His "twin" starts glaring when a doctor goes to wake him up. Cody makes it clear that his brother is like Cat: once asleep, you do not wake.

Satine is giggling, but trying not to let the others hear. Cody does. Cody looks at her. They have a stare-off.

Cody goes back to glaring at the doctors. He will not admit to any emotions besides Protect™.

BACK TO

Obi-Wan and Ben have made it to Tatooine.

#star wars #star wars fic #another star wars au #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #kote fett #cody fett #rex fett #cody #rex #ahsoka tano #disaster lineage #mace windu #depa billaba #jango fett #duchess satine #time travel #deaging

339 notes · View notes

vespertineflora · 4 years

Note

Hi! I see you're looking for xiyao prompts? Because I can't stop thinking about Jin Rusong's funeral and Jin Guangyao needing Lan Xichen to comfort him, because, yes he orchestrated A-Song's death but he was still his baby... Hope you don't mind the angst bomb!

OOF i don’t mind at ALL, thank you for the submission!

Something I have a love/hate relationship with in MDZS is the ambiguity of some of Jin Guangyao’s crimes. It is not actually confirmed or not whether he had a hand in killing Jin Rusong? He does list him in among the deaths he feels responsible for, but whether he did it himself, hired an assassin, or just feels guilty that it happened (because he felt like Rusong would have needed to die regardless, even though there’s a fairly high percentage chance there would be no ill effects despite the incest bc jgy and qs were only half-siblings) is a bit ambiguous.

I love it because it means the fans get to play around with different versions of those realities. I hate it because WHAT IS THE TRUTHHHHHHH???? I usually like having stable facts to work with hahaha. Long story short, for this version of reality, we’ll assume he did have a direct hand in Jin Rusong’s death.

~~~

The body was sent away to be prepared for burial and never returned to Carp Tower.

There was no wake.

No funeral rites were read, no prayers were uttered, no joss paper was burned, no offerings were made. Shou ling was a rite elders earned from their children, their grandchildren, not the other way around. Children were not to be mourned--or at least, if they were, they were mourned only in silence.

On the day Jin Rusong was to be buried, Jin Guangyao and Qin Su rode to the graveyard together, alone. They stood beside their son’s grave and hung their heads silently as he was lowered into the ground. Tears hung in Jin Guangyao’s eyes and streaked slowly down Qin Su’s face, but even their crying was done in silence, not a word said to their precious A-Song or spoken between them. They had hardly spoken at all in these past few days, since the morning they had woken to the frantic cries of the servants, the pounding of panicked footsteps through the courtyard outside of their bedrooms, and finally the disturbance, the announcement that Jin Rusong had been found in his bed, his throat slit.

Even knowing the death was coming, Jin Guangyao had still found himself unprepared to receive the news.

Continue Reading on AO3 or below the cut

The only sound in the graveyard was the whistling of the winds through the trees and the rhythmic shoveling of dirt into Jin Rusong’s grave, slowly burying one of Jin Guangyao’s many, many regrets.

Though there was little he was allowed to do, Jin Guangyao made sure that Jin Rusong was buried with his favorite toys; two exquisitely detailed dragons carved from a deep mahogany that Lan Xichen had given him for his birthday not three months before. It felt like the least Jin Guangyao could do.

Once the deed was done, they piled back into the carriage and returned to Carp Tower, though once they had arrived, only Jin Guangyao climbed out of it. A travelling bag was loaded into the carriage in his place, and after the most solemn and briefest of farewells, the carriage set off once more, headed in the direction of Laoling. After such a trying time, Qin Su had wished to spend a few days away from Carp Tower, at home with her father, and Jin Guangyao had seen no reason not to grant her such a small reprieve.

Jin Guangyao headed inside. His thoughts felt unusually bogged down, the world around him felt heavy and slow--a servant said something to him, but he heard the words as if his head was wrapped in thick linen, caught nothing more than the indication he had a guest waiting for him and allowed himself to be led, fighting past the fog to put on some semblance of normality for whoever it was he was supposed to be receiving; catering to guests was what he did best after all, and he thought, vaguely, that it might be nice to have some distraction.

As soon as the servant opened the door for him and allowed him to step inside--Jin Guangyao froze, the attempt at a smile faltering completely on his face as his eyes fell upon his guest.

Lan Xichen rose quickly to his feet at the sight of him, his too kind eyes swollen and outlined in red, pain stitched into the furrow of his brow. His robes were entirely white and almost plain, lacking any of the normal embellishments he was normally seen wearing: dressed in funeral attire, despite the distinct lack of a funeral.

“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen said, and never had two syllable been more full of distress, full of longing, full of sympathy.

Jin Guangyao opened his lips to speak... and found for the first time in a very long time, he didn’t know what to say.

Before Jin Guangyao could even find his voice, Lan Xichen had crossed the space between them and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him tight to his chest, pressing his face to the top of Jin Guangyao’s head, leaving Jin Guangyao stunned all over again.

“A-Yao, I’m so sorry,” Lan Xichen lamented, sounding strained and muffled from where his mouth was pressed against him. “I just received your letter this morning, I came as quickly as I could.”

Ah, yes, the letter. There had been no formal announcement of Jin Rusong’s death yet, as there was no need to announce a funeral that wouldn’t occur, but the day it had happened, Jin Guangyao had written a brief letter to Lan Xichen--because if anyone should know, should be told before the news spread as gossip inevitably would, it was Lan Xichen. He was the boy’s uncle, as much as he possibly could be. Over the years, with nearly every visit of his to Lanling, he would take time to play with A-Song, bring him toys, tell him stories. Lan Xichen had... loved him, Jin Guangyao was sure of that, and he’d deserved to be informed personally of his passing.

“We buried him this morning,” Jin Guangyao said, his voice sounding hollow, even to his own ears. He felt his eyes stinging, moisture welling in them, though still no tears fell, as had been the case over and over in these last few days. He hadn’t cried yet in all that time.

He wasn’t sure he deserved to cry, considering.

“Oh, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen heaved, his grip on him tightening, a slight tremor in his strong arms giving away his sorrow. “I wanted to be here for you, I’m so sorry I missed it.”

Jin Guangyao shook his head vaguely. There would have been no point in Lan Xichen being there for the burial, as it had been hardly more than watching dirt get pushed into a hole in the ground. He said blankly, “There was nothing to miss.”

The deed was done, the evidence now deep underground. Jin Rusong was... a liability. Despite his sweet face, his cheerful grin, his gentle nature, he had been dangerous. He’d been... a threat to everything Jin Guangyao had worked so hard to attain up until now, he’d been evidence of the nature of his relationship to Qin Su, and now that he was gone, it was one less loose end left to unravel him.

That was all this was. He’d told himself that over and over. That was all Jin Rusong was. He wasn’t something to be missed.

After all, Jin Guangyao had dreaded him from the moment Madam Qin had come to speak him before the wedding and revealed the truth; he’d prayed the baby wouldn’t make it from the womb, that he would die during birth, that some sickness would come to take him, as sickness was wont to do with children so young, or some injury would befall him... The older he grew and the stranger he seemed, the deeper Jin Guangyao’s fears ran that his mere existence would topple everything, and it had gotten to the point where he felt as if he’d been backed into a corner, with no choice left but to do what fate hadn’t seen fit to.

Jin Guangyao should feel relieved now. Part of him did. But the other part...

The other part kept flashing back to the silly grin A-Song wore while playing with his toys, to memories of his first words, A-Song reaching for him and babbling for his papa. He thought of Qin Su rocking him gently to sleep at night, of Jin Ling laughing as A-Song took his first wobbly steps in the effort to chase him, and of Lan Xichen holding A-Song in his lap as he spun him some fantastic tale that left the young boy’s eyes sparkling with wonder and delight.

Before all this, before the tragedy of truth had struck him, back when Jin Guangyao had first learned that Qin Su was pregnant, he’d been so happy, so overjoyed. His heart had been full of hope, he’d started making premature plans to lay out the future he might have with his child, and thought endlessly about how much he’d try to show his love for the tiny life he was helping bring into the world. He’d wanted to be there for his child, to support them and love them unconditionally, to be the type of father that Jin Guangshan had never been for him, and yet...

Somehow, somehow, he’d managed to be worse.

And just like that, Jin Guangyao finally felt it, felt the tears bubbling up in his chest, in his eyes, finally spilling over, running down his cheeks until he pressed his face against Lan Xichen’s robes to let them soak up the moisture instead. His breathing clipped, exhales getting harder until he was choked by a sob. His arms, which had been hanging limply at his sides, were suddenly motivated enough to wrap around Lan Xichen’s back in return.

“I’m here now,” Lan Xichen told him, soft and sweet, nearly a whisper. His hands rubbed gently over Jin Guangyao’s back, giving him comfort that Jin Guangyao didn’t deserve. “I’ve got you.”

Jin Guangyao was nearly tempted to shove Lan Xichen away, to rip himself from his arms and peel away to some distance part of the grounds, somewhere far from the gentle warmth of Lan Xichen’s kindness--but Jin Guangyao was nothing if not selfish. He had arranged the execution of his own son, he had the nerve to be upset over it, and now he was going to take comfort from one of the people in the world who had loved A-Song the most.

The sobs came hard, and Lan Xichen held him tight. Jin Guangyao wasn’t even completely sure who he was crying for. He’d kept his distance from Jin Rusong; he’d been too painfully aware of the boy’s ultimate fate to allow himself to grow that close to him, to spend more time with him than he had to. It was hard to feel attached to something you knew you’d have to let go of--but it was impossible to avoid completely. Jin Rusong had been his son, his flesh and blood, his one chance at a legacy beyond the scope of his own life. He’d cradled his tiny body in his arms and had feared and loved him all at once.

He wasn’t sure it was A-Song he was mourning so much as... the life he should have had, the son he should have had, a son not born of unwitting incest, a son who he could have cherished and loved and raised to be smart and clever and kind and perhaps even good in a way that Jin Guangyao had never been afforded the chance to be. That was what Jin Guangyao had wanted for his child, and that was the chance he'd been denied.

Because this, too, was just another facet of his life that Jin Guangshan had ruined for him, had tainted beyond all recognition into something dirty and irredeemable. His pride, his sworn brothers, his marriage, his child... there was nothing of his that Jin Guangshan hadn’t ground into the dirt beneath his heel, and nothing that Jin Guangyao could pick up and wipe completely clean again.

Killing Jin Guangshan was the one death to his name that Jin Guangyao would never regret, not in a thousand years, a thousand lifetimes. He’d gotten exactly what he’d deserved.

Jin Guangyao hadn’t been aware of it in the depths of his sobbing, but at some point his hat must had fallen away, because he felt Lan Xichen’s fingers stroking over his hair, cradling his head to his chest, a chest that Jin Guangyao felt shaking in return, making it all too clear what Lan Xichen was doing for him. Lan Xichen was holding back his own tears, his own pain, in favor of comforting him.

That made him feel more guilt than anything else did. Of everything he had, of everyone in his life... it was Lan Xichen he loved the most, who had done the most for him, and knowing he’d hurt him was just as gut-wrenching as the actual murder of Jin Rusong, even though it was far too late to take any of it back.

It took a few hard minutes for his cries to soften, his thoughts still somber. Whether or not he deserved comfort, he knew it would only hurt Lan Xichen more if he were to extract himself from it--no, this, letting Lan Xichen hold him close and give him comfort, was for the best. It was the kindest thing he could do for Lan Xichen in the wake of yet another atrocity committed by his hand.

That was, unfortunately, something Jin Guangyao knew from experience.

When he could bring himself to move again, he pulled Lan Xichen over to the daybed, sitting down with him upon it as they rearranged their arms to continue holding each other as close as they possibly could, both shedding quiet tears, and Jin Guangyao trying to return as much comfort as he was given. Eventually, Lan Xichen managed to ask about Qin Su... and when Jin Guangyao explained her trip to see her father, Lan Xichen committed to staying in Lanling with him until her return.

Over the next few days, their grief poured out of them in quiet, twisted up moments, more tears shed between them than could ever be counted. They spent parts of those days and nearly all of their nights tangled in one another’s embrace and taking as much comfort as they could in the solid warmth of their bodies pressed together.

By the time Lan Xichen left, his heart seemed a bit less shattered than when he’d arrived; it was the slightest of blessings, but it was the most Jin Guangyao could have hoped for.

As for Jin Guangyao’s own heart... well, it was hard to say. It hadn’t been in one solid piece in years, in decades, and at this point, enough of it was missing that it didn’t seem worth the effort of repairing. A piece of it had been buried with his mother, and another piece had been buried, strangely, with Nie Mingjue; a piece now rested in the grave alongside his A-Song... and Lan Xichen, knowingly or not, always took a piece with him when he left.

#jin guangyao #jin rusong #xiyao #mdzs #the untamed #answered a thing #wrote a thing #Anonymous

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