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it all always starts with just the same shit. maybe my friends made me feel unwanted or maybe my partner said something that made me feel unloved or maybe my friends are being total fucking dickheads like they are sometimes and purposefully hurt my feelings. either way its a week long trip of me wanting to fucking kill myself and struggling not to carve shit into my skin because of how much i hate myself. im sick of venting, im sick of feeling like this. im sick of not being able to communicate and being stuck in this stupid fucking head of mine. i’m not supposed to be around people, clearly, it’s become fucking obvious to me and everyone around me, but i don’t have much of a fucking option do i?? and then its my fault im alive. its my fault im  afailure and im unpleasant and im this or that. i wish i was dead.