hii this is a daily reminder that you are loved and appreciated!! you’re such an absolute angel and scrolling through your blog is a part of my daily routine atp kadhskks. we are so so proud of you and i promise it’ll get better, much love baby we love youuuuuu

- 👼🏻

ANGEL PLEASE I love you so much my heart can’t take it. thank you for all your kindness. )-:

today was a much better day, which feels hopeful but also scary because the drop from inevitably having a worse day soon after is always awful to handle. but hey—day at a time. I’m just happy I got to catch up with so many of my friends here today. 💗

soooo speaking of catching up, how are things with hot senior TA going? 😏

“All That’s Best of Dark and Bright” (Bucky Barnes x Reader) Epilogue - Completed

Well, it's been nearly 3 years since my last update and I felt it was time to give up the ghost.  The muse for this fic hasn't been very kind to me, but I was able to write the epilogue for the fic way back when.  So now I'm sharing this to finally put this fic (and my guilt about it) to rest.  Maybe, one day, when I'm old and gray, I'll go back and try to write the chapter that should have been before this and all the deleted scenes/one-shots I had in mind for after.  But today is not that day.  In the meantime, enjoy what was to be the epilogue for the story itself.... Sorry for the wait.

On AO3

---

A warm breeze carried the scent of sweetgrass and fresh-turned soil past you, yet the normally pleasant smell was more off-putting given the location.  The crisp spring day seemed a stark contrast to the rows of gravestones you strode past, your daughter tucked in your arms.  She’d been walking on her own for a while now, but it had been a long day and her little legs could only hold out so long.  Her face was tucked in the crook of your neck now, dozing lightly with her small feet dangling and her arms thrown around your neck in a hug.  Maybe you should have had her keep practicing across the somewhat uneven ground, but how could you pass up holding your sweet little girl with her father’s dimpled chin and your sister’s name.  Besides, it was probably best she was out of it for what you were about to do.

Stopping in front of one of the plots, you bit at your lower lip quietly a moment, uncertain how to start.  Your eyes roamed the marker as your heart thundered in your chest, eyes tracing along the letters etched in stone.  Barnes.  The name made your gut twist in knots and you had to take a shaky breath to steady yourself.

“Well, Buck.  You told me I had to tell you.  No matter where you were at or what you were doing,” you spoke quietly.  You had to sniff against the tears forming in your eyes, pet your daughter’s soft, dark curls before you could go on.  “I’m pregnant again, Bucky.  Gonna be another little Barnes running around.  Can you believe it?”

Silence met you in those few heartbeats, even the wind in the trees seeming to have stopped, waiting.  Then Bucky’s face turned up to greet you from where he knelt at the foot of the grave, his expression overjoyed and overwhelmed in equal measure despite the dark circles under his eyes from a fitful night’s rest.  After a second, he surged to his feet to grip the back of your neck and haul you in for a kiss.  Of course he’d be happy, ecstatic.  It was probably only the first stirrings of hormones that had you worrying otherwise.

“No foolin, right, sweetheart,” he breathed hopefully against your lips when he rested his forehead to yours.  “You wouldn’t play with an old man’s heart like that, would ya?”

“I just got off the phone with the doctor’s office.  I didn’t want to get your hopes up until I knew for sure,” you answered with a fond roll of your eyes as you grasped his hand to press his palm low on your belly.  His delighted laughter was infectious, crinkling the corners of his adoring eyes even as he turned back toward the row of grave markers.

“Ya hear that Ma? Pop,” he asked, a soft sob to his voice through his wide grin.  His eyes fell to where his fingers rested, thumb brushing aimlessly along your stomach as he stared nearly awestruck.  “Gonna be a dad again.  My sweetheart’s givin me another baby.”

“Daddy,” a small voice spoke from your shoulder, little fists rubbing against tired eyes.

“Aw, c’mere, sugar plum,” Bucky cooed sweetly.  The excitement in his voice was barely contained as he carefully took her from you, tucking her in the crook of his metal elbow with a little bounce.  “I’m sorry.  Daddy didn’t mean to wake ya.”

“No sleep, daddy,” she protested with a yawn before leaning in to press her cheek under his chin.  Her eyes slowly drifted shut again as little fingers reached up to grasp near the buttons of his shirt and Bucky ducked his head to press a kiss into her hair.

His gaze returned to you, that soft, loving expression lighting his face as his free hand cupped your jaw with flesh fingers.  As you pressed into his touch, you finally realized your cheeks had begun to ache from how much you’d been smiling.  Bucky leaned in to kiss you again, warm and lingering, like he couldn’t pull away, and even after all this time it still made your heart flutter.

“Jesus, baby, another baby,” he chuckled at himself.  Then a proud grin lit up his face.  “Can’t wait ta tell the guys.  They’re gonna be so excited.”

You fixed him with an admonishing look as you pulled his hand from your cheek to tug him toward the car.  “Oh no you don’t, mister.  You better not say a thing at the party tonight.”

“C’mon, a party’s the perfect place to tell everyone,” Bucky countered, shooting a look back over his shoulder to his parents’ plot.  You let him go, scolding yourself for being so rude and trying to rush him away.  But he only paused a moment longer, nose buried in your daughter’s hair as she snored gently.  When you slipped your hand low on his back, he hooked his arm around your shoulders to tuck you into his side before moving to guide you down the grassy row.  

You were nearly back at the car when Bucky spoke again, opening up the back door where the carseat waited.  “Can’t believe you don’t want me ta share the good news tonight.”

“Bucky,” you clucked your tongue, but with no real ire in your voice as he strapped your daughter in.  “Tonight is about Sam and Steve, not us.”

“It’s a housewarming, not an engagement party,” he snickered as he tried to click the harness quietly to avoid jostling the baby too much.  “Besides, everyone, everyone, knew before me last time.”

A little hand stayed wrapped around Bucky’s until he carefully removed it, replacing his wrist with the arm of the giant stuffed polar bear in the seat beside.  It had gone through quite a bit since he’d won it for you, from the weeks and months you were apart and it was your only comfort, to becoming your daughter’s near-constant companion after daddy told her it would watch over her in his place whenever he absolutely had to be away on a mission.  Its white fur was dingy now, with a few colorful stains and spots where you’d had to mend seams from a bit of rough handling, but it was well-loved and you wouldn’t change a thing about it.

“Okay, fine,” you said, relenting as Bucky straightened himself from the backseat.  “You can tell Steve and Sam and if they give the go ahead, you can make a big deal out of it.”

“As you wish,” he smiled with a mischievous glint while settling his hands at your waist and smothering you in another kiss that had you leaning back against the car.  Maybe you both knew those two men, who called themselves uncles before you even had a chance to, would be almost as excited as Bucky was.

After managing to pull away to catch your breath, you couldn’t help tugging the front of his shirt affectionately.  “So, you ready for another nine months of me waddling around, fat and moody?”

“Are you kiddin me, sweetheart?”  Bucky crooked an amused eyebrow at you.  “I dunno how you managed it, but you were even more beautiful when you were carryin our little girl.”

“Sweet talker,” you scoffed gently and shoved lightly at his broad chest.

It didn’t bother him one bit.  Instead, a cheeky grin spread his face and he dipped his head closer to speak in a lower tone.  “Besides, I can’t wait til them hormones hit ya and you won’t be able to keep your hands off me again.”

You snorted, trying not to be too loud with the baby sleeping closeby.  What a joke.  Since when have you ever been able to keep your hands off him?  To prove the point, you reached around and slipped your fingers into his back pockets, pulling him closer to you, which he easily complied with.  “Are you sure you can keep up with me again, old man?  We could see about getting you some Viagra...”

“Oh, you don’t gotta worry about that, kid.  Ya smart ass,” Bucky chuckled under his breath with a shake of his head, tip of his nose brushing yours before he pressed his lips to yours again.  

He kissed you thoroughly, taking his sweet time despite the awkward locale.  But stealing moments in the strangest of places and at the oddest of times had become practically a necessity since your daughter came along.  How you’d found time to make another was a miracle.  So, there were no qualms keeping you from slipping your fingers through his hair and giving over to him momentarily, letting him pour some of his joy back into you and melting a little more when his hand found your stomach again to palm just below your belly button.  The gentle intimacy of the touch sent a fluttering through your gut.  Your arms were still looped around his neck when the two of you parted, but he had no interest in moving away at the moment.  Bucky tilted his head back to regard you with a tender, disbelieving expression.

“You’re too good to me, солнышко,” he said quietly, in that familiar, vulnerable tone.  “After what I been through, I couldn’t let myself hope.  Now I got more’n I ever coulda dreamed of.  How’s a bum like me get so lucky?”

“You deserve this, Bucky,” you replied, cutting off the protest forming on his lips with a furrow of your brow and a gentle tug of his hair.  “You deserve to be happy.  You’ve earned it.”

Tongue darting out along his lower lip, Bucky shook his head with a huff before setting his smile back on you.  “And what about you, huh, Mrs. Barnes?  How’re you feelin?” 

“What can I say, Sarge,” you sighed, teasing, knowing the title sent a thrill through him as much as calling you by his last name.  Regarding him a moment, you remembered the way he looked the first time you met him, when he’d been shuffled into your house, stoic and disheveled and displaced.  Though he was still occasionally plagued by his past, it was a far cry from the man standing in your arms now.  The man who mucked through hell and still wanted to do good.  Who you were meant to help and helped you too.  Your husband, the father of your child.  Children, now.  Your fingers slid from his hair to grip his chin affectionately.  “I guess I’m just a sucker for a happy ending.”

Another bright smile greeted you as you pulled Bucky in for one more kiss before he carefully, quietly shut the back door of the car and helped you into the passenger seat.  He rounded the front of the car to slide behind the wheel, taking a glance in the backseat to check on your daughter before the engine roared to life.  Once he had the car in gear, his fingers slipped between yours on the console, thumb caressing gently over your knuckles as he threw you a grin and pulled away from the curb.

---

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Bad Dream

A/N: Hello everyone! This is the first Daddy Angel request I received. Working on the rest as soon as I finish the update for Misconstrued which should be posted either later tonight or tomorrow. I’m really excited about the ‘Little One’ Request since they are all so cute! Hope you all enjoy this first one!

Requests are still currently open! Prompt

10. Little one coming to sleep with you after having a bad dream. with angel?

Masterlist

Tag List: @iambabyharry​ : @justahopelessssromantic​ : @carlaangel86​ : @marvelmaree​ : @ifoundmyhappythought​: @woahitslucyylu​  : @briannab1234​ : @gemini0410​ : @everyhowlmarksthedead​ : @chibsytelford​

“Baby, this shouldn’t be a battle every time,” you sighed as you watched your daughter run around the house after her bath. Her giggles reverberated around the house, making you smile. Even though your daughter was a little troublemaker, she was the cutest thing. The product of you and Angel’s love that had both of you wrapped around her finger. 

Even the Mayan men couldn’t resist her charm. As soon as she busted out those puppy dog eyes, they were goners. You even caught Bishop sneaking her a few cookies when she was on a time out for coloring on the walls. You always had to be the bad guy, but it was your duty since every man in her life just gave her the world with a mere bat of her eyes. 

“Mommy, catch me!” She exclaimed as she ran down the hall with you following her at a much slower pace. 

You could run after her, but today was exhausting and you definitely did not want to run after your four year old. If you ran after her, she would think you two were still playing and would not go to bed as she was supposed to. If anything, you would think that she would be exhausted with the trip she took to the zoo with your brother and his family. You and Angel were supposed to go, but Angel got called for club business and you had to go into work due to a call off at the hospital. You picked up Alena from your brother’s place since it was on your way after work. Angel was supposed to, but he was still with the club and you didn’t want to bother him. 

You had dinner at your brother’s place and the whole time home, Alena spoke about all the animals she saw. With all her energy, you thought she would crash after her bath, but your daughter was her father’s child. She was so full of energy. You also believe that she was waiting for Angel to come home, which was the reason she was running around. But Alena also had the tendency of running around right after her bath, making it a game between you two. It wasn’t often, but when she did, it was going to take some time to get Alena Reyes to bed. 

Daddy’s little princess.

You absolutely adored their relationship. Alena looked at her father like he held the world and he looked at her like she held his world together. 

“Baby, aren’t you tired?” You questioned as you reached her room where she ran off to.

“A little, but I want to tell Daddy about my trip.” Alena was on the floor, petting her new toy, a bear plushie that she named after her favorite tio, Coco. 

“I don’t know what time daddy is coming home baby, it’s past your bedtime.” You hated the unsure hours that Angel worked, but you were understanding. The club was family and you knew about all the business ventures they had. It was difficult at times, especially when he was on a run and gone for a week or so, and when you were alone, it was bearable. But with Alena here, it was absolutely difficult. Alena had to speak to her daddy every night before she goes to bed where she tells him about everything she did on that day. It was the cutest thing and you always watch her fondly as she babbled to Angel. 

“But, he pwomised he’ll be home to tuck me in.” Alena pouted and you could already see where this was going. 

Kneeling on the floor beside her, you took your daughter in your arms, kissing her on the top of the head. “How about this, we lay on your bed and wait for daddy and when he comes, we can switch?” 

“Okay,” Alena nodded her head, laying her head on your shoulder. 

You both were very dependent on Angel. You couldn’t sleep till Angel was home either, but you forced yourself since it would be a bitch to do a twelve hour shift with no sleep.

You laid on Alena’s bed with her resting comfortably in your arms.

“Mommy, I love you.”

“And I love you baby.”

“And I love you both.”

Both you and Alena sat up upon hearing a third person. You both found Angel leaning on the doorframe, a big smile on his face as he watched his girls. 

“Daddy’s home!” Alena exclaimed as she shimmied out of her bed and ran to her father’s waiting arms.

“Hi baby,” Angel smothered her with kisses, causing her to giggle. “Mi alma, you looked exhausted.” He walked over to you as you stood by your daughter’s bed, giving you a kiss. 

“I’m glad you’re home.” You hugged Angel’s side that was not occupied by your daughter.

This was Angel’s favorite thing in the world, being able to come home to you and your daughter and forgetting about everything outside of the walls of your home.

“Me too,” he looked exhausted, but he was willing to do anything his daughter requested him to as long as she was happy.

“Daddy, meet Coco!” Your daughter held the polar bear that her uncle got for her at the zoo. 

“You named a polar bear after your Tio Coco?” Angel chuckled. He couldn’t wait to tell Coco who would most likely be over the moon. He wasn’t able to watch Letty grow up, so seeing Alena, it was a treat for Coco.

“Yes, cause he’s my favorite person.” She happily informed her father.

“But what about daddy? I’m not your favorite person?” He pouted.

Alena stuck her tongue out, thinking of the answer which made Angel pout even more. 

“Baby, it shouldn’t be hard.” Angel tickled Alena making her laugh.

“Stop daddy!” She shrieked through her laughter. 

You smiled watching the two. They were the same person at times and it was so eerie to you. She had Angel’s smile, his nose, his eyes, but mostly, she had Angel’s loving personality. When she’s angry she’s angry, but she loves as fiercely as Angel. If you were her favorite person, nothing sways her. Coco has been her favorite since she was two years old. And while daddy was special to Alena, Tio Coco was number one.

“Should I be hurt that Coco is number one?” Angel looked at you and you laughed.

“No, you’re her father, you’ll always trump everyone.” You paused. “Well, till she gets married.”

“Baby! We agreed to never discuss that.” He covered Alena’s ear, hugging her tightly to his chest. “Never, she’s not allowed.”

You shook your head. You don’t look forward to that battle years from now, but it would definitely be fun to see.

“Right, I apologize babe, Lena will never get married.” You agreed with him.

“Okay, good, I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Angel gave you a grateful smile.

“Daddy, listen to me!” You both didn’t even notice Alena going off about her day to Angel.

“Sorry princesa, daddy’s listening.” Angel kissed her cheek.

Angel immediately apologized and laid in bed with your daughter. She animatedly spoke about all the animals she saw and how her favorite animal was now a polar bear. The polar bear reminded her of Tio Gilly cause he was big like him, but cuddly. Angel had to laugh at that.

“But then why did you name the bear Coco?” Angel questioned.

“Cause he’s my favorite person Daddy.” She stated in a matter of fact tone. 

“Daddy isn’t your favorite?”

“Your daddy, he’s Tio Coco.” She reasoned with him as if that should explain everything. 

“But you love daddy most?”

“No, mommy.”

Angel just chuckled. “Yeah, me too.”

You left them there with Angel listening attentively to her. You organized a few places in your home before making your way to the en suite in your bedroom so you could take a bath. After a long day, all you wanted was some wine and to relax in the warm water of your tub. You sat down, the scalding water relaxing your muscles. 

“Ugh, this is amazing.” You closed your eyes, leaning your head back.

“Should I get you wine?”

You slightly jumped hearing Angel’s voice. Your reaction made him laugh and shake his head. “I love how easily you scare.”

“One day, I’m going to scare you and you won’t even Ed it coming.” You playfully glared at your husband. “But I would like a mix of the peach whiskey and apple juice.”

“You’re favorite, of course baby. Anything for you.” 

You patiently waited for Angel, eyes closed and leaning your head against the end of the tub. You heard him walk back in, one of your eyes opening to find him naked. Moving forward to make some room for Angel, you had gotten the biggest tub to assure that your husband would be able to fit in the tub with you. Angel was tall and regular sized tubs would not have been comfortable for you both. 

Angel handed you your drink as he stepped behind you, hissing at the temperature of the water. “Jesus fucking Christ baby. The water is so fucking hot.” No matter how many times you two have taken a bath together, Angel would never get used to the temperature you pick. “It’s like you bathe in hell’s moat water.”

You laughed, shaking your head at your husband. “Jesus, stop whining.” You took a drink of his concoction. “So good.” Once Angel was settled, you leaned back against his chest, handing him your drink. 

“I’m good babe, I got beer.” 

You nodded your head. Angel had an arm wrapped around you, as you two sat in silence enjoying each other’s presence and the drinks in your hand.

“You didn’t bring your bike home.” You commented as you didn’t even hear his entrance. Alena love the roar of the motorcycle, it indicates daddy was home and that was her favorite thing. 

“Fixing it up, EZ dropped me off in the van.” Angel took another swig of his beer. “How was your day?”

“Tiring, a few trauma, but just the usual busy day in the ER.” You were an ER Doctor at a hospital forty five minutes out of Santo Padre. Angel wasn’t the biggest fan of how far your job was, but he supported you regardless. The distance was what made him iffy, but otherwise, it wasn’t bad whatsoever. You picked up a few shifts at the local Santo Padre hospital. You and Angel met through EZ since he was your classmate at Stanford all those years ago. Your relationship has had its ups and downs, but you both were stubborn and giving up on one another was not an option.

“Glad you’re safe baby.” He kisses the side of your head, you leaned your head on his right upper arm. 

“How was your day?” You questioned.

It was always full disclosure. Angel rarely hid anything from you and you truly appreciated that. After all, it was either all in or nothing at all.

“Shitty, the cartel still has us doing Bitch work. No end insight.” Angel scoffed. 

“How’s Adelita doing?” The woman that used to make you feel threatened about your relationship with Angel was now working with the cartel, in an interesting turn of events. You met her once when the club called you to come and suture up one of the rebels. She was kind and beautiful, you took a liking to her and admired her cause, even though you weren’t exactly sure what her cause was anymore. 

“Not sure, haven’t really worked with the rebels for some time. We’ve just been doing runs for the cartel to Vegas and Arizona.” Angel shrugged. “It was a long day baby. The new prospect is doing well, EZ is having fun bossing someone else around for a change.”

You laughed. “I bet he is. He’s not doing bitch work anymore so I’m sure that makes your brother incredibly happy.” 

Angel laughed, downing the rest of his beer. “You in the mood?” He nibbled on your ear. You feel his hardened member against your back, his hand drifting down to your pussy. 

“When am I ever not in the mood?” You moaned as you felt Angel’s finger running up and down your slit. Your head was still on his upper arm, your leg widening to give his hand more room.

“Every time I’m away from you, all I can think about is being home with you and Alena.” Angel whispered against your ear, squeezing your breast as a finger entered your waiting core. You leaned your head back against his shoulder now, exposing your neck for his mouth to assault. “Then I think about how I couldn’t wait to be buried inside you when our princess was finally asleep. You want another baby mi Alma? I think it’s time we gave Alena a sibling.” You definitely wanted one and it wasn’t the lack of trying. But it’s been a drought for you and Angel. You have had two miscarriages and it has been discouraging to say the least. Doesn’t mean you two have stopped trying though. “You’re the love of my life, I can never live without you.” While you love Angel’s filthy mouth, when he praised you, proclaimed his never ending love for you, it was the biggest turn on. 

Angel added another finger as you moved yourself so that you can spread your legs wider. You reached back and wrapped your hand around his cock, making Angel groan against your ear. Angel had three fingers in you when he coaxed your first orgasm out of you. You bit your lip, trying to be quiet since you didn’t want to wake up your daughter.

“Baby, you know you can scream. Alena won’t be able to hear you.” Angel teased as his thumb continued to rub your clit. You had tried to continue your ministrations on Angel’s cock, but you let go of it once Angel had you cumming. 

Turning around, you straddled Angel’s lap, your drink was long forgotten on the floor beside the tub. You sink onto his cock, Angel groaning out your name as your pussy enveloped him.

“Shit.” He sat up so that you two were chest to chest. Your hands rested on his shoulders, using it as leverage as you moved up and down. Leaning your forehead against his, you bit your lip at the sweet stretch and the feeling of fullness you were currently feeling. His hands were on your hips, helping to guide you. “Feel good baby?”

You nodded your head. Attaching your lips to his, Angel knew you were close with the way you kept clenching around him. Pulling away from him, your lips were on his neck, leaving your own marks that he loved to leave all over your body. Angel groaned as you bit his neck, sucking at the same spot. 

Angel pulled you off of him and gestures for you to stand up. He stood up after you and led you towards the sink. Placing you on the sink, he immediately spread your legs and slid back in, making you both groan. It didn’t take long for both of you to finish. Angel quickened his pace, whispering words in your ears and next thing you knew, you were moaning his name out, grabbing on his arm as you came. He came right after you, resting his forehead against your shoulder.

“You okay?” He stood straight, caressing your cheek as you caught your breath.

“I’m more than okay.” You both laughed.

You and Angel showered quickly before making your way to bed. Angel turned the television on and you leaned against the headboard reading the latest article about innovative medicine. It was a routine for you both. You both end up doing something different and at the end, you’re snuggled against Angel watching whatever the heck he was watching. Your husband admired you greatly and he couldn’t even imagine how life would be without you and his little princess. 

You two eventually fell asleep with you on your side, one hand under the pillow, while Angel was right beside you, his side touching your back. His arms weren’t always around you, but you two had to be touching all the time to keep Angel at ease.

The crying woke you before the knock did. Both you and Angel woke up, hearing the crying at the baby monitor. Angel sat up, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes just as Alena knocked on the door.

“Daddy!” She wailed out.

Angel immediately got out of bed and opened the door. There was your daughter clutching Coco as she sobbed. Angel frowned and enveloped his daughter in his arms. 

“Mi princesa what’s wrong?” Angel closed the door behind him and brought Alena to your bed. He sat down with his back against the headboard while Alena sat on his lap, head against Angel’s chest. She hugged Coco to her as she looked down at you. You were facing them, placing a hand on your daughter's leg.

“Baby what happened?” You asked.

“Mommy, I dream that daddy was taken by the gorilla.” She frowned, tears coming down from her eyes again.

You glared at Angel as he gave you a sheepish smile. Your husband thought it was a great idea to watch Planet of the Apes with your toddler. 

“We can’t lose Daddy, who would protect us?” Your daughter began to sob again, the thought of even losing her father was not plausible for her.

Angel rubbed her back soothingly, kissing the top of her head. He looked over at you, asking for some help and you mouthed to reassure her. Angel always panicked whenever your daughter cried. He was an amazing father, but when his princess was crying, all logic went away and all he wanted to do was take care of her. 

“Princesa, daddy will never leave you, okay? It was just a bad dream.” Angel tried to reassure her.

“Yeah baby, remember, daddy is the strongest.” You backed him up.

Angel hugged your daughter as she sobbed, eventually subsiding as daddy held her close to him. He laid back, Alena still against his chest. 

“You’re my favorite person.” You both heard Alena say as she held Angel’s shirt.

Angel just smiled at you, holding your hand.

“You're my favorite person too.”

the kids aren’t alright

college au update aka I’m finally getting to write some wonderful dating fluff so what if it’s all nervous and a bit clumsy? it’s so stinkin’ adorable. have fun, readers! 

special thanks to one of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs for the title. 

chapter index + previous episode

--

So they are dating.

Not just friends, not just hanging out. Dating. Dating? Dating.

When Olivia says goodbye to Cassandra on Sunday night, first order of business is to sit on her bed and overthink things, of course. Even while doing homework with her typical fearsome dedication. They’re dating. It’s a step that needs getting used to all of Monday while their days keep them apart: Cassandra has an evening exam to work on, and Olivia needs her alone time to process, anyways. They still text, though; they’re good about that when they want to be.

But then, it’s Tuesday. Tuesday, when they can cross paths. They lose the ‘privacy’ of a weekend free of classes and intermingling with the rest of the student body. How is that going to go?

It’s just past 8:30am and she’s putting in silver stud earrings when someone knocks on her half-open door. “Look alive,” Ellinor says as she enters, backpack on with jeans and a long-sleeve pullover on.  Both look clean. Hm, she must have found time for laundry in between her stringent schedule of being Cullen’s respirator and procuring flowers for her nice plastic vase.

“Morning!” she runs her fingers through her loose and combed hair. Waves of blonde that look effortless, but are really the work of a 7:30am shower and a 7:45 blow dry.

“Fun plans for today?”

“Class.” She’s curt, but she means it. Class is fun. Yet Ellinor only groans and kicks back on the freshly-made bed. Living in a single occupancy dorm room has its perks, but with her friends, the term ‘single’ doesn’t really hit home. More like ‘selective.’

“Class. What, no…?” Ellinor tries to tease it out of her. She can’t blame her -- it only takes 30 seconds and a brief glance to know Olivia is on edge. She sucks at retaining some semblance of calm. Then again, Ellinor of all people could be trusted to do well by it. She’s kind and wonderful like that.

But the question remains: what’s going to happen?

“Uh, no,” she shakes her head, assembling her notebooks from her desk table. Two, both political science, just with different course numbers written in sharpie on the front. She’ll need the third one already in her backpack for the class she TA’s for, and then she’ll be set.

Her phone vibrates on her pillow but she’s too distracted to run for it, leaving Ellinor the perfect, gaping open window to do the honors herself. She makes a “tsk” sound.

“You’re a dirty liar, Olivia Sinclair. You’ve been texting her all morning! Who texts this much at 7am?”

“It is not that much!” she hisses, rushing over and swiping the phone away from her. It isn’t all that much: just a good morning, then some playful wordplay, and about plans for the day...she answers more in depth than she did Ellinor: classes, possibly a workout in the afternoon if she feels up for it. Then she’s subbing for an evening dance class because her coworker is out sick still. Cassandra shares much the same detail. It’s perfectly normal. Right?

Ellinor doesn’t flinch. “Alright then…”

“It’s...I’m…” Olivia clicks her home button and tossing the phone on her desk by her bag.

“So, are you going to invite her to the party, or blindfold her until we pull up in the driveway?”

Maybe. Could that work? “No! I’m telling her, okay, it’s only Tuesday. Shit.”

“Only Tuesday. You said you’d ask her yesterday when we got Boba. Soon it’ll be Wednesday, then Friday, and she’ll be wondering why you aren’t around for your brooding Planet Earth marathon date.”

“Hey! Planet Earth is a masterpiece!” She’s never seen more than 15 minutes of Planet Earth in her entire life thanks to a High School Biology class Sub.

Ellinor rolls her eyes, air blowing out her puffed cheeks as she lazily slides feet first off the bed like some all-knowing smug-slug. Back on her feet, she hooks her thumbs on her backpack straps and shrugs. “Liv, you know I’m not her biggest fan--”

“Oh! Ohoho! Bombshell tonight! Call Nancy Grace!”

“Man,” Ellinor winces, eyes closed as she heads for the door, “you are still terrible to be around under-caffeinated. Look, all I’m saying is, the writing’s on the wall. You want your girl--”

“We are not using labels yet.”

“--to come to a party with you, you tell her about the party. Step one.”

Olivia sighs and leans against her chair, legs crossing. Their Sunday heart-to-heart only 24 hours gone, and Ellinor is back to pushing sense. Who gave her the right? If Olivia hadn’t been just as terrorizing with her, she’d call foul. Only, with one park bench rant and Rutherfaker stand-off in the hallway under her belt, she knows she’s the last sinner to throw a stone. Besides, Ellinor is right.

Ugh, Cassandra hates parties. She hates parties and she hates drama. Since they have collided, Olivia has introduced a bounty of both things. But this is who she is: she works hard, dances on tables on the weekends sometimes, and lurks on soccer field grass with her best friend like a fool. The everyday college student, she is.

“You’re worrying.” Ellinor cuts in, and Olivia comes to. They’re both still standing there, like statues, while she has descended down the rabbit hole of internal questions and concerns. With renewed gusto she tosses her notebooks in her bag and adjusts the way her black jumpsuit fits around her waist.

“I’m worrying. But I have a right to.” She walks over to where her shoes are neatly stacked on the a rack, and picks out her dark red velvet boot heels. “Even if she does agree, she definitely isn’t wearing a costume.”

“Oh, LORD forbid,” Ellinor rolls her eyes, hands up in the air before she slips out the door. Probably to immediately pull out her phone and gawk at whatever cutesy bitmoji Cullen sent her after five minutes of not messaging.

It’s not like her and Cassandra couldn’t have the exact same glee about things. Shouldn’t they be gleeful? Is that the correct term? After all this would be the honeymoon stage in all the stereotypical romantic comedies. Bleh.

She continues to mull over it throughout her back-to-back morning classes, and her notes are uncharacteristically direct and thorough, even for her. When she writes, she exerts her anxiety on the page -- this is why she stopped using mechanical pencils after freshman year. Poor .7 lead never stands a chance. Coming out of class, she decides it’s her turn to make the plan.

Hey, meet me for lunch after class at 12:30? Or do you have somewhere else to be?

Cassandra, within a minute or two:

Sure. I just have to drop off books to a Professor. Meet me by the benches on North side?

Olivia: Yep! Sounds good! :)

Lunch plans. Those are good. Those are nice. Maybe they can talk and be cute, and she won’t revile it or find some reason to feel uncomfortable with it. It’s just...so surreal. Lucky enough, it’s a beautiful day outside. Fall is in full bloom, and the leaves that were once changing color are now beginning to release themselves from the abundant trees all over campus. Quad is especially scenic, so much so when she parks herself with her butt on the top of the bench and her feet in the seat, she actually enjoys the moment. Taking perhaps her first long, relaxed breath of fresh air she has had all day.

“Olivia!”

Well, that was short-lived.

Opening her eyes and looking up and down the concrete path, the first thing she sees is a nice grey peacoat buttoned around a nimble and tall body. There’s a strap of a backpack on one shoulder only, and a white and gold glittery beanie on a head of auburn red hair. Oh, not again.

“Leliana.” She braces, her flight or fight instinct dueling for dominance in her head. If she can projectile spit and then run, she could make it. It’d be fine. Or, even better, kick some muddy leaves on her expensive looking shoes. 

Leliana approaches as if there’s absolutely no problem with her existence as far as Olivia is concerned, hands in her pockets and grin on her face. When she reaches the ground in front of the bench, she halts and rocks onto her toes.

“Hey. It’s been a while!”

“It’s been a week.” Not long enough, would be my true answer.

“I...can’t believe how fast the semester’s gone. It’s almost Thanksgiving. And Halloween is tomorrow!”

“Yep. Tomorrow.”

“Got any fun plans?” she keeps smiling.

“Uh, no,” Olivia manages to animate herself with a shrug. Otherwise she’s pretty much a gargoyle on the poor bench. “I don’t really go out during the Holiday itself. It’s a lot of...unnecessary antics.”

Leliana nods and steps even closer. “Yeah, you have a point. Hey, could I talk to you for a second?”

Oh Jesus please take the wheel and drive me promptly into a brick wall. “Uh...well, I’m supposed to be--”

“Meeting Cassandra for lunch. I know! I won’t stay long.”

Oh, will you? Olivia fights off a scowl. She can only hope Leliana found out about their lunch plans the old fashioned way called ‘texting’ or ‘pleasant conversation,’ but a part of here fears her phone camera’s been hacked. Nevertheless, she scoots off to the side, thereby inviting her to sit down. Once seated, Leliana pivots towards her, and crosses one leg over the other. The well-meaning smile then dissipates.

“Look, I know...you may not have the best opinions about me after what happened at the Gala. If you’d let me, I’d like to explain myself.”

“Oh?” Olivia raises a brow, back arching. “And what possible explanation could make me understand why you felt the need to take digs at me in public so that I would become upset? You barely even know me. What gi--”

“You’re right, I barely know you. But, try to look at it from my point-of-view: one of my good friends suddenly perks up about a girl, after denying herself the chance for so long. She starts getting all wound up, and before you know it, she starts hanging out with her, only every few days when you reach out to check in, she says she’s upset about something or other. If you’re me, you’re pretty damn concerned as to what this girl’s intentions are, and you want to investigate for yourself. So I...got a little carried away. I can admit that.”

Olivia is side-eyeing her so hard she wonders if she’s using x-ray vision through the bridge of her nose. Once again someone has been a dick for the sake of friendship, then. Fine, she can understand that...but the one thing she can’t figure out is how Leliana seems to come out of nowhere. Cassandra had never mentioned her throughout any of their hangouts or conversations. For all she knew, Cullen was her one companion.

“Thanks for that. I guess.” She does her best to loosen up, but her pride gets in the way of a lot of things. Shit, maybe she is Pride. Maybe that is what she’ll be for Halloween. Priorities, Liv.

“You’re welcome. I can see now you aren’t just spinning for a good time at the expense of someone else’s feelings, or else you wouldn’t have bothered coming back around after what happened. Cassandra is difficult sometimes.”

“She isn’t difficult, she’s just deliberate.”

Leliana grins. “Cassandra is many things.”

“How do you two even know each other? I never saw you around when we were first starting to hang out. She doesn’t…”

“She doesn’t mention me?” her grin grows into a smile as she rests her elbow back behind her. “I know. It doesn’t bother me. She and I met when we were both involved with the Campus Chapel. Josie might have told you I was a Student Chaplain last year?”

“Uh…” she hesitates on whether to admit they’ve discussed her, but she can’t resist the chance to know more about Cassandra even if it’s through her. “Yes.”

“Yeah! We ended up working together a lot on events and volunteer stuff. It took awhile for us to be anything but that. She’s a hard cookie to crumble. I am, too, though.”

“She’s...she’s a cookie, alright.”

Leliana giggles, and her gaze returns to her. “On a...well, okay,” she adjusts, “can I be real with you?”

“Real? Have you not been real this entire time?”

“Oh, hush,” she giggles some more, “I’m serious.”

“Sure.”

Leliana’s face goes back to that mature expression she had when she first sat down. Solemn. “I know that it may be easy to believe Cassandra is as put-together and unbreakable. But...you should know, it’s not all there is to her.”

Olivia shakes her head a bit. “I didn’t think it was.”

“I know, but, just trust me on this one. I know from experience.”

“Experience?”

She sighs under her breath, and dares to place a hand on Olivia’s knee. “Just be careful with her. I tease, but, she is my friend.” She then stands, facing her head on. It’s slightly intimidating -- scratch that, considerably. Leliana is jovial, but there’s an intensity to her. One you catch if you look long enough.

“I trust you get me when I say I would do anything for my friend’s happiness,” she adds, taking hold of her shoulder bag handle. Olivia doesn’t know whether to take that as a compliment, or a threat. Either way, she continues to eye her but play along.

“I do,” she answers, tucking some hair behind her own ear. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Leliana waves her hand, before looking over her shoulder. They both do, because coming up the path is a well-dressed woman with short black hair, a knee-length blazer coat, and those black leggings Olivia cuddled against on the couch Saturday afternoon. In that moment, Leliana’s reply hits home.

Not long after it does, she is smiling at Olivia and stepping back onto her merry way. “You’re turning heads. Take care.” She walks with a pep in her step, departing just as Cassandra draws near.

Well, that wasn’t foreboding at all, Olivia thinks to herself as she watches Leliana’s beanie grow smaller and harder to see through the neighboring figures walking to-and-from her direction. Cassandra’s boots scuff onto the grass, jerking Olivia’s attention out of her staring.

“What did Leliana want?” she asks, already folding her arms. Her nice leather satchel shines in the sunlight like it’s polished.

She sounds displeased. “Leliana?” Olivia blinks, “Oh, she just wanted to clear the air about the Gala. To say sorry.”

Cassandra’s eyes narrow and gaze down the path where her very nice and peculiar friend had gone. Not convinced. “Really. That’s it?”

“Yes!” Olivia smiles and hops off the bench, nearer to her. Her movement distracts Cassandra, which is what she hoped for. “You said it yourself, she’s your friend. You don’t trust her to make things right?”

“I trust her to do a lot of things. Namely: too much.” She starts to get caught up in it, but rather than raising the heat, she loosens up her shoulders. It’s like a well-oiled machine of emotions.

Cassandra then changes the subject to salvage the moment. “Anyway, I thought we could try the Greek place on the corner by Williamson?”

Olivia smiles. Now she’s talking. Dusting off her thighs, she follows at her side as they walk. The first bit of their journey is quiet, observant of the goings-on. It’s peak campus foot traffic, as people hurry to overwhelm the different food hubs all around. Cassandra doesn’t just have good taste, she has smart taste: Williamson is in a tucked corner, perhaps the most removed from the rush hour. Olivia had learned this when she went with Ellinor once, trying to satiate her Greek craving with the nearest place on Google Maps.

As they near the shop, Cassandra breaks the silence. “Yesterday was fun. Thank you again for making breakfast.”

“What? Oh!” Olivia waves it off, “It’s no big deal, stop thanking me! It was good to...to cook again.”

“Everything okay?” Cassandra notices the slight low-tick in her tone at the end. It’s almost cliche, the way it happens -- and she hopes she wouldn’t catch it. But she does.

“Yeah,” she brushes it off, “I’m just still processing lecture.”

Cassandra smiles, and lowers her gaze to the ground in front of them as they round the corner. It’s easy being like this with her. Easier than all the hype Olivia builds in her head about the way things are, the way they should be, and what they aren’t. In the moment, in the thick of it, it all makes sense. No comparison and no longing.

She folds her arms against her chest as they keep going. Only a minute or so ‘till gyro goodness.

--

An hour later they are sprawled on playfield grass nearby the shop, under the sparse shade of old trees planted around the perimeter of it. A bit like the Siberia of the campus athletic areas, out on its own in a nook of campus not many people frequent. For casual picnicking with food and bare feet in the grass for two women who say they have distaste for exhibiting affection, though, it’s perfect. 

Besides, they’re sharing bites of each other’s food, now. That shit is damn-near explicit. No one wants to see that rated X, woman-on-woman action. 

“I think we had a practice out here, once,” Cassandra balls up her gyro foil, the remnants of a meal long-gone. “It was miserable, actually.”

Olivia has long-devoured her gyro into oblivion, and is laying flat on her back beside her with her glasses on, taking in the blue and cloudy sky. “Oh? Is the grass not...green enough?”

“Is that a serious question?”

“I don’t know! Is grass...like...a factor to consider?”

“In a way, yeah.”

“Oh…” she wrinkles her nose, a foot itching the other with toes. “Huh.”

“Think of it this way,” she says as she twists open her hydroflask, the squeaking sound of the seal an echo of every single time a person does during class seminar discussions. “You’re a dancer. Flooring matters, right?”

“Pff, yeah, you won’t catch me launching myself six feet in the air to land on gravel.”

“See? It’s like soccer. Or any field sport. The grass you land on, run on, fall on. It matters.”

Olivia stares up at her shoulder, and can only imagine what her face looks like. It must be beautiful, because there’s an excitement in her voice that is almost infectious. Maybe, if she stays exposed to it, she could grow a...tolerance, of athletic occupations. Maybe. Maybe with Cassandra, she could do a whole lot of things.

She’s been to quiet. Cassandra glances down, looking like she’s expecting Olivia to be asleep or something. But when their eyes meet, it’s all grins and unexpected butterflies.

“You’re teaching me something new every day,” Olivia remarks as she lifts herself up, propping on her hands. “I like that. Keep doing that.”

Cassandra reclines back to be shoulder-to-shoulder with her. “I’ll keep doing it as long as you want,” she says sweetly, “even if you wish to argue about it sometimes.”

“It helps me process information. If I can’t fight about it, it isn’t worth knowing.”

“Socrates, reincarnated.”

“Not even!” Olivia chuckles, nudging her. She lingers in the lean-in a bit indulgently. Cassandra nudges her back, until they are both veering into one another and away like haphazard pendulums. Then, their faces still in suspension close enough to tempt. And then, the lean...the closing in...slow closing of the eyes...and then the kiss. If anything could convince Olivia movie scenes in life were real, it was the way it felt getting used to kissing her. To being kissed by her. To be the person she kissed, out of everyone.

She gets into it. Too into it. It’ll overwhelm things. She stops herself and pulls back. Her lip rolls as their eyes open into each other, and Cassandra looks a bit surprised.

“Um…agh,” she says, a bit short on a breath, but happy. 

Olivia grins. “Yeah. I know.” It’s terrifying. And so good.

Cassandra exhales in a smile, and they separate. This, this is the honeymoon sensation. Everything feels right, and generous. This is what makes brave risks happen.

Olivia pulls her knees up against her chest and opens her mouth. Pausing, and struggling, but she gets it out. “H-hey, I keep meaning to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“This weekend. Do you have anything planned?”

“This weekend?” Cassandra tilts her chin, gazing out at the empty half-brown field. “Not really. I mean, if you wanted to do anything, I was going to…” she trails off. The butterflies hum in Olivia’s core, but she does her best to stay steady.

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Well, that’s what I was gonna say. Our friend Dorian, he’s having this Halloween party thing. Ellinor and I were invited, and we can bring plus ones. I was...I mean I know you’re not into parties like, in the...the Hangover sense…”

“‘The Hangover’ sense?” She asks, alarmed. 

“Uh y--no! Not that bad, just!” she laughs anxiously, “okay more like...like Clueless.”

“The one where the guy is an asshole and she and her best friend get a fight ab--”

“No, try...uh...fuck,” she shuts her eyes hard and taps her forehead, “well, okay, it’s a thing. It’s just...a production. Dorian, he--”

“Dorian Pavus, right? I know him.”

Olivia’s train of thought, derailed in a half-second’s worth of what the fuck. Her eyes go wide, and she whips her head around. “You know Dorian Pavus? God, please don’t say Church. Don’t say it.”

Cassandra raises a brow. “No. Not Church. I don’t know him well, but I know of him. He’s...interesting.”

“He’s really cool. I mean, we go to the same gym and he works there part-time like me. I mean, he’s...he usually just calls me the name of a blonde character. Like Elle Woods or...you know, Piper Chapman.”

“Piper Chapman.”

“...Yeah.”

Cassandra nods slow. “Okay. So, I was right to say...interesting.”

“Okay yeah fine. But he throws amazing parties, and all of my little crowd will be there. Ellinor and Cullen are going!” She throws it in like it’s a last ditch brownie point to take her over the edge. The look of overt skepticism on Cassandra’s face is telling, though.

“I imagine this won’t be no small backyard BBQ,” she rejoins, taking a second sip from her open canteen before putting the cap back on. “But this also explains why Cullen all of a sudden started his laundry this morning.”

“Does he not do his laundry?”

“He…” Cassandra looks for the words, “He does. It’s not that he’s not all about that kind of stuff. It’s just...for some reason laundry is like a tell-tale sign he’s emotionally preparing himself for something. Once, his sister tried to run off to Nevada to be in some cover band her friends made and his half of the suite smelled like lavender linen on steroids.”

“Oh…” Olivia frowns, “that’s...intense.”

“Yeah. It was fine though, in the end. Don’t say I told you that. He’d die if anyone found out. Especially you, or the team.”

“No worries. I don’t really hang out in that crowd anyway, you know that. I mean, Ellinor and I showing up at Rylen’s party...”

“Rylen doesn’t throw parties, he throws beer in an ice cooler and pulls out a frisbee yelling at everyone to dare him to ‘Air Bud’ it,” Cassandra jests harshly, her legs criss-crossing as she sits up.

“I wasn’t saying...well, I just meant that it’s not the same thing. Dorian’s parties aren’t small like that, but they’re fun! And good people will be there. I’d like you to go with me.” With me.

Cassandra quietly looks ahead. Her fingers pensively tousle and twist at the grass, but she doesn’t prick or pull. Only feeling, only tactile.

“Liv, there’s…there’s reasons why I tend to keep things lowkey.”

“I know,” she’s quick to offer compassion, perhaps a little too quick. “I get it. No drama, the better. I just didn’t want to go on ahead without considering you. We did say...well, you said we should be compassionate with each other, and communicate.”

Cassandra half-smiles, and her shoulders roll straight. “Yeah, but there’s...well. thank you for considering me.”

Her heart flutters. “Anytime.”

“Does this mean you’re asking me to be your date?”

Olivia purses her lips, and her shoulders bunch. “Maybe. You don’t even have to wear a costume. I’m doing the ‘deadly sins’ thing with Ellinor. You can just wear whatever you want.”

“So that is why you were arguing about Ellinor being Wrath. Hm. You have a point, there.”

Oh, God, if she ever heard you say that. Olivia’s reaction is half smile, half grimace. “Yeah. She’ll warm up to it. I think I might go as Envy. Make things fair so that neither of us win the coveted and almighty Lust mantle.”

“That would be the favored one, between you two.” Cassandra takes Olivia’s hand into hers, so cooly it makes Olivia blush. “I don’t think you’d be Envy though.”

“What? Oh, is this where you call me Sloth?”

“No way,” Cassandra huffs, “I was going to say Pride.”

She echoes her thoughts back when her and Leliana talked on the bench. A second affirmation of her search. Pride? Pride. Alright. She looks out, her head going from side-to-side as she thinks it over.

“Pride. How would I dress as Pride, though?”

Cassandra’s tongue is quicksilver. “Simple, wear what you had on when you came to Rylen’s with Ellinor. You could have been the dictionary image for it.”

“Oh, fuck that! You!” Olivia has urge to do something she hasn’t done in years. And certainly not to anyone she’s been involved with. She shoots her arms out to Cassandra’s sides and begins to tickle her, fingers spindling up and under her arms. It’s a daring move, one you’d think someone like Cassandra would stiffen and admonish. Yet, in a strangely amazing twist of fate, she lurches and begins to laugh. Laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Falling back onto the ground as her knees bend towards the sky, curved and kicking as Olivia rushes up and over her. Laughing,right along with her out of sympathy.

It’s a light she’s never seen, Cassandra losing control like this. And she loves it. She is so stunning.

“Stop it! S-stop!” Cassandra cuts in between laughs, breath escaping quick and shallow. “Y-you! Ahh!”

Olivia gives an Aha! To her tone, Then, it all starts to slow down. Laughs ease. Cassandra’s snuck her arm around Olivia’s waist, holding her close despite having been held captive. Chuckles boil down to snickering, and then recuperating heavy breathing.

“You...you didn’t tell me you were ticklish!”

“I-I,” Cassandra bubbles out the remainder of her glee, “I don’t think that’s something you...you brag about.”

“I think it is!” Olivia argues, chest half on top of hers. “You, ticklish? It’s like the world’s best kept secret.”

“Well, now I have to kill you, so it will stay that way.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

Cassandra smiles and clings to her, the strength in one arm enough to nearly crack the spot in Olivia’s back that’s been a problem for her since 9th grade. Good to know for future amateur chiropractor needs.

The romantic position they’ve found themselves in sticks, the Siberia soccer field enough of a stowaway place for something considered ‘PDA’ to be acceptable. Olivia is engrossed, her chin resting on her chest. A subtle, lucid breeze combs through the edges her hair.Cassandra’s olive skin basks so well in the sunlight overhead, especially when she’s contented.

“This party,” Cassandra says after a few moments of wordless admiring, “it would be fun?”

“Hmm, Yes. I’d be there, after all.”

“Well, then I suppose it is my kind of fun then.” She agrees, but there’s a touch of carefulness to the end of her sentence. Carefulness from trying despite implicit reluctance. Olivia pauses to examine, but is only met with a well-meaning stoicism.

“You mean it?” she questions, sliding her knee in between Cassandra’s to rest.

“Yeah. If you can handle Rylen and the others, I should be able to handle your crowd.”

Olivia is reminded of Ellinor’s eye-for-an-eye logic, and her brow furrows. “My crowd is...I think you’ll like them. I mean, they’re all just really gay and well-dressed.”

Cassandra holds back a chuckle. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah! You saw! And besides, we can join them. Be gay, and well dressed, and if you’re lucky we can also be gay and well-dressed in taco bell,” she whispers the ‘taco bell’ part like she’s a screaming concert-goer, something that provokes Cassandra into poking her ticklish waist in return. More giggling, more effortless giggling, and it’s all even.

“See! I am the master of persuasion!” Olivia rejoices, still stuck on the feeling of lounging on her. Class where? Campus whomst?

“You have talent, I think you’ll go far in life.” Cassandra rubs up the side of her back, before laying her head into the grass and closing her eyes. Grinning and inhaling, nice and deep. “Alright, a few more minutes, and we have to head back. Or, at least I do.”

“So we do.”

Cassandra opens an eye at her, but Olivia only winks. A last exchange before she lays her head back down on her chest.

Cassandra exhales. “So we do.”

It’s all so good. No dramatic fights, no screaming matches, no salty comments. Just them. It’s so potent, Olivia understands why Ellinor was so moth-drawn-to-flame when her and Cullen started...doing things. This is fucking great. It’s like...nothing can touch her, and everything is as good as it’ll ever get. Which is pretty damn good, by her standards. Not even Leliana’s odd behavior can get her down.

Though, admittedly, as they took the last minutes they could to rest in the sun-baked grass, she wonders. If Cassandra was not all alright, then, what would she ever have to hide? She peers up, tempted to ask straight out. Cassandra has her eyes closed, and she’s so tranquil. Her hand wrapped around her, making her a part of it. Olivia can’t stomach the idea of ruining it.

What goes on inside that head of yours when no one thinks to ask? If you have your reasons, what are they?

She gives up, and lays her cheek back down, and the world washes away for a moment longer. The trees and their enduring leaves sway gently up above in a wind, A moment that screams ‘take your time.’

Family Pet Bloggers Journey 2020 888011000 110888 This post might consist of associate links. We may make money or items from the firms mentioned in this message. < img data-pin-description="Pet Bloggers Journey 2020: Share Your Adventure-Our annual blog site testimonial addressing inquiries concerning last years accomplishments and also this years objectives.”src =”https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_700/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020-700×467.jpg”alt= “Pet Bloggers Journey 2020: Share Your Adventure – Golden Retriever pup gazing to the left.”class=”wp-image-29596″srcset=”https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_700/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020-700×467.jpg 700w, https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_400/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020-400×267.jpg 400w, https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_150/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020-150×100.jpg 150w, https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_768/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020-768×512.jpg 768w, https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_735/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020-735×490.jpg 735w, https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_img,w_1200/https://puppyintraining.com/wp-content/uploads/pet-bloggers-journey-2020.jpg 1200w”dimensions=”(max-width: 700px)100vw, 700px” > Welcome to Pet Bloggers Journey 2020!.?.!! I ‘m so satisfied tobe organizing the inaugural Pet Bloggers Journey. If you haven’t already you’ll wish to have a look at our previous post that includes a little of background behind the Pet Bloggers Journey. Animal Bloggers Journey: Share Your Adventure Today we put our typical blog subjects on hold and celebrate our accomplishments, share the desires we have for our blog sites, speak about objectives, and also urge our fellow pet dog blog owners. So, let’s get going and start the Pet Bloggers Journey! If this is the very first you’ve heard of the Pet Bloggers Journey and also you would certainly like to get involved, you’ll discover all the details as well as the inquiries in this blog post. Pet dog Bloggers Journey 2020 Pet Bloggers Journey– Share Your Adventure 1. When did you begin your blog site? And also, for anybody dropping in for the first time, please provide us a fast summary of what your blog is about. My initial article went reside on this blog site on August 1st, 2007. Yowzers! I’m turning up on my fortunate 13th blogiversary! I began my blog to chronicle the trip of my initial Guide Dog pup in training, Stetson. Ever since I’ve educated lots of Guide as well as Service canine pups sharing my training ideas and experiences along the road. 2. Name one thing about your blog, or one blogging goal that you accomplished throughout 2019, that made you most pleased. This blog site is my full time work. Yep, it’s mored than a year because I quit my task in corporate America. Among my 2019 goals was to enhance my earnings. Exactly how did I do this? I requested for more money. It seems basic enough, however when put into practice it’s exceptionally challenging due to the fact that if you’re like me then you’re complete of selfquestion. Am I worth that much? Do I do an excellent task? Is my blog worthy? In 2019, I brushed aside my self question, got the phone, and straight out requested more money. And also guess what? They claimed yes! 3. Which of your 2019 article was your favored and also why?( Please consist of a link.) We started this blog site due to Stetson. In 2019 we said goodbye to Stetson . Shedding a pet after 12 + years is nothing short of ravaging. Not a day goes by without me considering my buddy. Stetson, we miss you every day. Here’s Stetson’s memorial post: Stetson, Our First Guide Dog Puppy In Training As I answer this question I’m wearing a set of socks covered with Stetson’s adorable face 4. What was the biggest blogging obstacle you encountered in 2019, and how did you tackle it? June 2, 2019– Google Core Update. It had been a while because I was actually slapped down by Google. On June 2nd … well to be truthful it took a day or two, however by the time the dust resolved I shed about 25 %of my traffic. Yep, quite considerable when blogging is your full-time job. Just how did I tackle this difficulty?“I understand what I need to do now. I got ta keep breathing. Due to the fact that tomorrow the sun will increase. That understands what the trend could bring?”– Name that motion picture.– Actor: T _ _ H _ _ _ _– Movie: C _ _ _ A _ _ _ Yep, I kept building ahead as well as currently I’m seeing some rebound and also ideally by June 1st 2020(pre-google put)my traffic will certainly have enhanced by 25 %. 5. One objective that we all appear to share is we want to reach even more individuals. What is your # 1 tip for bringing more traffic to your blog? I understand how to obtain even more website traffic to my blog site. You’re not going to like my solution: My # 1 suggestion for bringing even more traffic to MY BLOG is to create even more material. I think producing more web content is the solution for most of us very long time blog owners. Sure Colby, however what would your # 1 tip be for new blog owners, those of us attempting to reach that 25K Sessions to join an advertisement network like Mediavine!.?.!? I recognize a great deal of blog writers have actually discovered a ton of success with Pinterest (tip, tip perhaps you and I should up our Pinterest game). I am not one of those blog owners. I obtain about 20K sessions a month from Pinterest. Good, but not wonderful. What’s your # 1 idea? Guys, there’s no magic bullet on this set. There’s a lot you require to do as a blogger. Carol Bryant and Maggie Marton’s publication Pet Blogging for Love as well as Money is a fantastic summary with tons of great tips as well as info. It wasn’t until I review their book that I realized how much you need to recognize to be a blogger. That being said if I only get to dispense one pointer … My # 1 pointer would certainly have to be to resolve your viewers’s troubles. What problems do your visitors inform you over and over once again? Ask yourself: what concerns do you have that you would certainly like solved in a post. Email your visitors, create an article, or social media sites message asking what troubles are they taking care of today. After you gather these questions/problems answer them in agonizing information. 6. Do you do sponsored posts/reviews? If so, what do you discover jobs best as well as exactly how do you establish what to bill for an article, social media shares, and so on? Otherwise, is this something you would certainly such as to do even more of? What hurdle is getting in your means? My ideal suggestions for funded posts/reviews is to not offer on your own short. Ensure you make money what you deserve. When I initially started I approved cost-free items in return for my sincere review as well as I was delighted that was back in 2008. Today I believe all pet dog blog writers ought to bill something for a funded post/review. Just how do I determine what to charge for a sponsored blog post? Initially, right here are some tools that inform you what they assume you should charge: TapInfluence When I was with their network they had a suggested rate for funded articles,–. I’m not with TapInfluence any longer, however I believe their recommendation for my blog was $500 per article. Social Bluebook– they have a tool that tells you just how much to charge for sponsored work. I just visited their device and also the recommended rate was $679.75 per post. These are the 5 things I consider when determining how much to bill for a funded blog post: How several hrs do I need to purchase this job?— You must get paid for your time. What premium should I charge for uploading to my blog site?— Your viewers trust you, you get traffic, your blog site has history. There is a lots of value in your blog. Add— Shares to social media sites, email newsletter, and so on. Is this included or are you billing an extra fee? Just how much does the item cost?— If it’s a costly product I could think about that when determining what to bill. Do I want to do it?— Sometimes these projects fit perfectly with your internet site other times it fits, yet really feels required. I believe the elephant in the area is what are pet blog owners charging for sponsored posts? Below’s my answer Over the previous few years I’ve charged anywhere from $300– $1,500 per sponsored blog post. 7. Looking forward to 2020, if you complete only one thing with your blog site, what do you hope it is? Raven is mosting likely to have another clutter of young puppies. I would certainly such as to continue helping Service Dog Organizations by giving pups for their programs, but I’m uncertain if I will certainly proceed raising litters. I had a collection of articles concerning Raven’s initial trash of Golden Retriever pups, yet I haven’t done much ever since. For Raven’s final clutter I ‘d such as to put together a video collection regarding increasing a litter of young puppies. 8. What steps are you preparing to take to guarantee you reach your objective? A trash of pups is a lots of work and also they expand quick! I have a pretty good idea of when the pups will certainly get to significant milestones. When functioning with video clip I discovered one of the most crucial points is to have a script for what you want to shoot, in the past. I need to create a manuscript for every single video clip I intend to generate. Currently the strategy is day-to-day video clips which implies I need to create 56 scripts in between currently and whelping day!.?.!! Don’t fret, we’re not intending on having pups until September 2020. 9. The blogging landscape is constantly changing. What adjustments in blogging do you see can be found in 2020 and beyond? What plans do you need to develop? Basically considering that I started blogging people have actually been anticipating video clip will control the web. I think it’s time to hop on that wagon. I did a lot of video clip (by my requirements) in between 2010 and also 2012. Ever since I haven’t done way too much. 2020 will be the year of video clip for me. Starting in February 2020 I plan on generating one video weekly. Raven will certainly have one more clutter in 2020. I’m planning a video clip collection for her final litter. An additional young puppy might be signing up with the family members. If so, I’ll have another video series in the jobs. Recall— when I did my Puppy In Training TV collection my apple iphone did not have video as well as I did everything with a Flip Camcorder. Remember Flip Camcorders? 10. If you could ask the pet dog blogging neighborhood for help with one obstacle you’re having with your blog site, what would it be? Yearly I invest a lots of cash on my e-mail provider, yet I do not assume I’m obtaining very good ROI from my email checklist. What is your # 1 tip for constructing an effective email list? There you have it. My payment to the 2020 Pet Bloggers Journey. Currently do not fail to remember to drop us a line in the comment area and hop on over to the following article in the Linky. It’s a great time to talk with old buddies, make new ones, share wisdom, as well as absorb the knowledge of others. Thanks to everyone for participatinng! Make certain to add the straight link to your article below, as well as consist of the Linky code on your blog to make it simple for every person to hop to your post. Leading Picks For Our Puppies FINEST PUPPY TOYWe Like: Snuggle Puppy w/ Heart Beat & Heat Pack-Perfect for new pups. We obtain all of our Service Dog pups a Snuggle Puppy. IDEAL DOG CHEWWe Like: Best Bully Sticks-All of our young puppies enjoy to attack, nip, and chew. We love utilizing Bully Sticks to assist divert these undesirable habits. IDEAL DOG TREATSWe Like: Wellness Soft Puppy Bites- One of our favored treats for training our solution pet pups. Look into more of our faves on our New Puppy Checklist.

Welcome to Pet Bloggers Journey 2020! I’m so pleased to be organizing the inaugural Pet Bloggers Journey. , if you haven’t already you’ll want to examine out our previous post that includes a little bit of background behind the Pet Bloggers Journey.. Pet Dog Bloggers Journey: Share Your Adventure Today we put our regular blog subjects on […] The post Pet Bloggers Journey 2020 showed up initially on Puppy In Training.

source http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/pet-bloggers-journey-2020/ from Lucky Dog Solutions https://luckydogsolutions.blogspot.com/2020/06/family-pet-bloggers-journey.html

Misconstrued: Part 5

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Finally back with an update! I think this one will please some of you, I hope, but this won’t end after part 6, at this point, we might go all the way to 10. But I do have another story in the works, I’m really excited to share it with you all!

Also, thank you again for the response I’ve been getting for this story.  I enjoy reading all of your comments!

Anon:  I don't know if this is too specific but could you do something about Angel ruining a date and later admits it because he loves them and then they have some angry smut and late night fluff

Word Count: 6731

Warnings: Angst. Mild violence

Previous parts

Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4

Masterlist

Tag List: @iambabyharry​ : @justahopelessssromantic​ : @carlaangel86​ : @marvelmaree​ : @mrsamaroevans​ : @ifoundmyhappythought​: @woahitslucyylu​ : @cind-in-real-life​ : @briannab1234​ : @fairygardenss​ : @gemini0410​ : @everyhowlmarksthedead​ : @losolvidad0s​ : @whyisgmora​ : @comasi-world​ : @xserenax-13​ : @chibsytelford​ : @welovethesponge​ : @claytoncardenasbabymama​ : @jadert15​ : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer​ : @trulysuccubus : @pananegra : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass​ : @encounterthepast​

Two weeks have passed since you and Angel broke up. You’ve avoided the clubhouse and your tio has not forced you to come, respecting your wishes. You avoided Carniceria Reyes, getting your meat from the grocery store instead. You went from work to home, occasionally stopping by the grocery store or some fast food place. You somehow never ran into Angel, which you were thankful for. 

There were times where you would listen in, trying to see if he brought someone home, but you never heard anything. You heard EZ, Coco and Gilly very often, but never another woman, which you were thankful for.

You thought the heartbreak you experienced with Diego was something, but this? It was the worst.

Half the time, you just found yourself crying without any provocation. And other times, you would think you’re at the mend, but the tears came again. You always thought people were ridiculous for crying over their significant other they had for a whopping month, but here you were doing the same thing.

The length of time didn’t matter, it was about the connection. 

And you definitely had that connection with Angel.

Diego was more present in your life, which was no surprise for you. At times, you welcomed his distraction, but more often than not, you wanted to be left alone. He just wouldn’t leave you alone. You’ve made it clear to him numerous times that you weren’t interested, that nothing was ever going to happen, but he didn’t seem to care. He resonated that he just wanted to be there for you, to make up for lost times. 

But you realized that at times, friendships ended for a reason. The more you spent time with Diego, the more you realized that you two grew up to be two different people and you’re not exactly sure if you wanted to have anything to do with him. Besides the fact he used you, Diego was very self-centered and he didn’t care for the consequences of his actions as long as it favored him. 

Laying on the couch, you had Netflix on to Avengers, you’re not sure which one, but you just needed some noise to silence your brain. It worked every once in a while. 

But most of the time it didn’t.

Diego was sitting on your armchair, just watching you. It truly pained him to see you at your current state. He thought he was doing you a favor by pushing Angel out of your life. What he failed to realize was just how much Angel truly meant to you. Even after Regina had called you out, you were never like this. After a few days, you were able to face Diego, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to face Angel. Diego would try to bring you to the clubhouse, you would refuse and throw a fit, it surprised Diego. You were never so cold towards him, but now, no matter how hard he tried, you just didn’t give him much of anything. You were cordial, would laugh at some of his jokes, but otherwise, he felt as if you didn’t want him there. 

It was new. 

He wasn’t used to this. You always smiled whenever he came around. You always cracked jokes with him, your witty response was what drew him to you in high school.

“You okay babe?” Diego watched as you looked at him, giving him a small smile. He knew you were hoping that would appease him, but it didn’t.

“I’ll be fine, can you stop asking me every thirty minutes?” You knew he meant well and you didn’t say it in a snappy tone, but being asked every thirty minutes was excessive.

“Sorry, just want to make sure you’re okay.” Diego felt small then, he was so used to you hanging on to his every word, blushing when he would be sweet to you. But this side of you, he’s never experienced it. You were just not having it. 

“And I get that, but you’ve been here with me, I’m fine.” And just like that, your mood turned on him. 

“But I know you’re not.” Diego countered. 

You really didn’t need this tonight. All you wanted to do was watch the Avengers, ogle over Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth, occasionally Robert Downey Jr. The last thing you needed was Diego’s constant nagging. It surprised you how you felt towards Diego. You remembered vividly how much you adored Diego and always craved his company, but now, it seemed like you couldn't get rid of him. It was so opportunistic of Diego to pop up the day after Angel broke up with you, your favorite snacks and drinks with him. You thought it was sweet and a much needed distraction. But now, you just didn’t want the company. You wanted to wallow, cry it out, drink it out and eventually move on. 

You’re not exactly sure what Diego wanted, but you had a feeling it was along the lines of coming back to Stockton with him. And quite honestly, for you, he could go fuck himself. 

“Diego, can you just go? I just want to be alone.” You sighed, not really wanting the company.

“Please stop pushing me away. I know he broke your heart and all I want to do is be there for you.” Diego pleaded. 

You scoffed. “Very convenient of you to be here for me as soon as Angel broke up with me.”

“Well I blackmailed him into doing it so yes, I knew it was going to happen.” Diego realized his mistake as the words escaped his mouth. You were never supposed to find out. Diego didn’t want you to know that he purposely sabotaged your relationship. 

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” You sat up then, anger coursing through your veins. The nerve of this asshole. How were you ever friends with him? 

“Look, Angel is in bed with the rebels, if your tio found out, he would murder Angel, Coco and Gilly, he might include you too because of how close you are to them.” It was part of the reason that Diego threatened Angel. It was to protect you. He knew how terrible it would look. You would be tried by association. Diego saw the way your face changed when he mentioned how Bishop may involve you in the trio’s mistake. You didn’t seem fazed by the information he dropped on you. Then it dawned on him. “You knew.”

“How could you do this to me?” You accused Diego, the tears welling up in your eyes. “You broke my trust so long ago, but you just shattered it now.”

Diego grimaced, his whole world was falling apart. This was not how he expected things to go. “Y/N, please.” He moved to kneel in front of you, but you immediately stood up, as if the mere contact of his skin to yours would cause a burn.

“You sabotaged my relationship, for what? I told you I was done.” You wrapped your arms around yourself as Diego watched you helplessly. “I love him Diego, and you ruined our relationship. I never did that to you, no matter how much it hurt seeing you with another woman. If you were happy I could live with that and be happy for you.” 

“But you weren’t happy!” He argued.

“How would you fucking know that?! You’ve been out of my life for four years, no text, no call, no contact, nothing. You can’t just march back into my life expecting things as they were. They’re not. Back then, you were the only thing I saw, the most important thing to me.” You began to sob. You hated that you cried when you became far too emotional. “You didn’t appreciate me then and you still don’t appreciate me now. You’re just mad because you’re no longer number one, you’re doing that same pattern again. When you could feel me slipping away, you come and tell me what you think I need to hear in order for me to come back to you.” You wiped the tears coming from your eyes, the overwhelming feeling of betrayal sinking it. “It’s not going to work this time. You don’t love me Diego, you love this idea of me you have, the person that would do anything for you, the person that hung on to you with every word. The person who looked at you like you held the sun and the moon, she’s not here anymore.” Your eyes connected with Diego. “You let me go four years ago and you can’t take that back. I just want my friend, not this guy who wants to rekindle something that's never going to come back. I need my friend."

It dawned on Diego just how badly he hurt you. The toxicity of how your relationship with him became for you. He realized too late just how much you meant to him, how much he couldn’t live without you. He wanted to tell you that he was miserable without you and how that scene between you, Regina and himself always replayed in his mind. He wished that he was braver to face the consequences of being in a relationship with you. 

You were right. 

Love wasn’t about being selfish, it was about loving the person you love anyway you could and at times, that meant loving them from afar. 

Diego watched as you continued to cry, covering your mouth to silence your sobs. The way your shoulders were shaking, he knew you could hold it in for so long. He cut the distance between you two and enveloped you in his arms.

He fucked up.

He was man enough to admit that.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” Diego kisses the top of your head holding you. 

You wrapped your arms around him as you cried it all out. The frustration of this whole situation. You were angry at Diego, but you were also angry at Angel. He should have told you, you two were a team now, but you figured that’s not how Angel saw things. Maybe this was Angel’s way out and Diego just conveniently took advantage of it. 

“Come home nena, let home heal you.” 

You didn’t respond to him because running away doesn’t solve anything. You’ll figure out how to deal with it, you always did. Santo Padre became your home, regardless if Angel existed in Santo Padre or not. 

“You’re not forgiven, I hope you know that.” You informed him as you pulled away.

“I know, but I’ll make it up to you.” 

“How can you? You sabotaged my relationship.”

“I will, you just have to let me in, let me be your friend again.”

“I don’t think I can, not right now, the wound is too fresh. I can see why you did what you did, but like I told you, we’re done.” You weren’t ready to forgive Diego. His indiscretions were too much this time around. Though, you would think that the whole issue with Regina would have been a much greater sin towards you, but it wasn’t. This one was, the one person that made you actually feel love was taken away from you by the one person you wished loved you as you loved him years ago. It was kind of ironic, a twisted vicious circle. 

Diego nodded his head. “I’m going back to Stockton next week.”

“I’m glad. You don’t belong in Santo Padre.” 

“I don’t. You’re right.” Diego wanted to add that he didn’t belong anywhere unless you were there, but he knew that wouldn’t get him much. “For what it’s worth, I truly am sorry for what I put you through. It was selfish of me to blackmail him, but I was looking out for you.” He took a USB stick from his pocket, placing it on your coffee table. “It has the copies of the pictures I took of Angel and them. As a show of good faith.”

“Just go, please.” You walked over to your door and opened it, surprised to see Angel standing there, his arm up to knock on the door. 

He saw the tears in your eyes and he frowned. He heard you yelling and he immediately came out of his apartment to check on you. It pained him, but he knew Diego was over much more often. At times, he was listening intently to see if you let Diego in, but he always just heard Netflix and he was never happier to hear Avengers play over and over again. 

Diego and Angel made eye contact. The pure hatred they had for one another was evident and you felt the tension in the air.

“I’ll see you later nena.” Diego kept his hands in his pockets, walking past Angel.

Angel opened his mouth to speak, but you slammed the door shut. Sighing, he turned around and Diego was already halfway down the walkway.

“Hey,” Angel called out, jogging after him. “What the fuck did you do?”

“None of your fucking business Reyes.”

“Anything that has to do with her is my business.”

Diego scoffed. “She knows. She knows I blackmailed you and apparently, she knows about your shit with Adelita. Are you fucking with me? Did you just take the bait to get out of your relationship with her?”

Before Angel even knew what he was doing he punched Diego causing him to fall on the floor. Diego tackled Angel to the ground, getting on top of him as he attempted to punch Angel as well. Angel was able to block most of his attempts before he turned him around, landing shot after shot on his face. All the frustrations, the anger, the absolute hurt Diego has caused was being released by Angel. 

“You motherfucker!” Angel roared as he continued his assault.

“Angel!” He heard EZ call out to him.

He heard footsteps behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He continued his assault and he felt as if Diego was letting him. He was no longer defending himself.

EZ pulled Angel off of Diego with Gilly’s help. Coco checked on Diego and was slightly disappointed he still had a pulse. His face was bloody and he was groaning due to the pain.

“Fuck Angel, what happened?” Coco questioned.

“She was yelling at him, he upset her.” Angel was breathing heavy, all the adrenaline coursing through his veins. “She fucking knew.”

“What?” Coco, Gilly and EZ asked in unison. 

“Y/N, she knew about the rebels.” 

Coco and Gilly shared a look, which was not missed by Angel. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, how can you involve her? If Bish found out, he would wring her alive too.” Angel scolded. “This is a team fucking effort, how can you not tell me?”

“Angel, it wasn’t on purpose. She was talking to us about the cartel and how she wished we weren’t involved and it just happened. I’m sorry man.” Coco knew and Gilly fucked up, but they trusted you and shared that information with you in full confidence. 

“How much does she know?”

“All of it.”

Angel couldn’t believe this. It was the reason Coco pushed him to be truthful, to let her know about Diego’s scheme because she already fucking knew. He broke up with her thinking it was for the best while he deals with Diego when he could have avoided this all together. 

They heard the door open and saw you walking out of your apartment. You looked at all five men, Diego on the floor holding a handkerchief over his mouth. Walking away, you shook your head, done with the Mayans drama for the night. 

“Y/N,” you heard Angel call out after you.

Thankfully your car was right by the entrance of the gate. Quickly you got in your car, turned it off and reversed. You waited for the gate to open, locking your doors so Angel couldn’t open it. As soon as the gate was open enough, you drove off, leaving Angel behind.

He made his choice. 

He chose not to trust you and let Diego come in between you even though he promised he wouldn’t. You understood the reasoning behind his madness, but that didn’t mean you were okay with it.

Angel watched as you drove away. He made his way over his bike, but EZ stopped him.

“Just give her time.” EZ advised. 

“No, I fucked up. I can’t let her slip away.” Angel ran over to his bike and immediately went after you. He caught up to you quite easily and he followed you all the way to Bishop’s home.

He cussed under his breath. He turned his motorcycle off, going over to the driver’s side where you remained. 

“Baby, open up.” Angel knocked on your window. 

You remained looking straight ahead, grabbing your phone, you thought of calling Bishop to come outside, but you didn’t want him to fight your battles for you. And regardless of what happened with Angel, you didn’t want him to get in trouble.

“Y/N, listen to me, I fuck up. This is what I do. I was given one option and I didn’t stop to think of any others.” Angel explained. “I wasn’t going to let it go on for long, I was going to get you back. Please, mi Dulce, you have to believe me.”

His words were registering, they just weren’t sinking in. It was always like this. You were the sacrificial lamb or the one that they couldn’t risk anything for since their standing with Bishop and Marcus would be tainted. At times you wished that they knew that it was two separate entities. For you it was. You would never actually tell your tio’s about their member’s indiscretions towards you. Someone getting hurt over what happened behind closed doors was not your forte. There were times that you wanted to tell Marcus about what happened with Diego, to tell them what Regina said to you, but you didn’t want to, especially after what Regina said. 

‘What are you going to do now? Cry to your tio’s?’ Regina scoffed. ‘Only reason all these Mayans are nice to you is because of who you’re connected to, otherwise, you’re just some fucking tomboy that they all want to screw just to see what’s underneath all that baggy clothes. Don’t flatter yourself honey, there’s nothing to look at so you can stop hiding behind those clothes.’

Bishop watched from the window, debating if he should go out or not. It was hard for him as your uncle to really let you fight your own battles, but this thing with Angel, it had to be between you two. If he held back on killing Diego for using you, he can hold back on hurting Angel till you gave him some sign to do so.

“Is that Y/N?” Bishop heard Marcus questioned.

“Yeah primo, she’s in her car talking to Angel.”

“Angel, good kid, with a good head on his shoulders.” Marcus took a drag of his cigar. 

“Acts on impulse though.”

“You mean like you?” 

Marcus and Bishop both chuckled. 

“Just like me.”

“Is he going to be a problem like Diegito?” Marcus and Bishop knew all about Diego’s moves. It was naive of you to think that it wouldn’t get back to them, but they pretended it didn’t. They knew how it would greatly upset you if something happened to Diego and quite frankly, they didn’t want to deal with your mother who would most likely tear them a new one. 

“No, he won’t. Angel’s too smart for that and he actually loves her.”

After fifteen minutes of sitting in your car, with Angel now leaning against it smoking, you decided it was time to go outside. Angel would never leave you alone. You looked down at your phone, Angel saw it was Diego calling you. Pressing the button on the side of your phone, you ignored Diego’s call. Looking over at Angel, you gestured for him to move away from the door. Angel did and you stepped out of your car, holding your hand up when Angel made a step towards you.

“You have to believe me, I know how this looks, but I couldn’t let him jeopardize all the work me, Gilly and Coco did.” Angel explained. He noticed that you appear thinner than before, your clothes had always been big on you, but it just looked much bigger than usual. He knew that your break-up took a toll on you, but it did on him as well. It was difficult for him to be near you, yet, he couldn’t come see you. He would see glimpses of you whenever you would come to the scrapyard to pick up some parts for the shop or when you would help Coco out with his kid, but it was rare. At times, he would wait for you to come home if he didn’t see your car there and it hurt whenever you came home with Diego. “I love you, I didn’t want to do this, Diego followed us to Santo Madre and it just fell apart from there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Angel froze then, he didn’t have a good explanation for that because he should have told you. It was what Coco advised him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew about the rebels?” 

“So you’re saying this is my fault?”

“No, fuck!” Angel was frustrated, this wasn’t how he wanted this to go down. In his perfect world, after you found out that Diego blackmailed him, you would run into his arms and that was it, happily fucking ever after. But Angel realized this was his world and there was no such thing. “There’s no excuse, I should have told you, you’re my girl, I should have disclosed it with you.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” 

“What?” 

“It doesn’t matter now, you obviously didn’t trust me enough to tell me, which is fine. But I really wished that we didn’t start anything because at least I would still have you as my friend.” You crossed your arms over your chest, looking at the floor. You hated that it was difficult for you to make eye contact with someone when you were in a confrontation, but you were working on it. “For what it's worth, I’m glad I lost my virginity to you because it was with someone I cared about.” You smiled bitterly, trying your best to hold your head up high. “You hurt me worse than Diego did, because with him, at least I always misconstrued whatever the fuck our relationship was. With you, it was very clear that there was something there, I just misconstrued how much you trusted me.”

“Baby, please.” Angel pleaded, stepping closer to you, but you shook your head. “You know I love you, there’s no misconstruing anything, I fucking love you. All of this, I sacrificed this to assure my mission wouldn’t be done, but I would never leave you. You have no idea how difficult it was for me to end things with you.” Angel was going to wait till you woke up to break it off, but he wouldn’t have been able to do it. As soon as he saw the tears in your eyes, he would have retracted whatever statement he made and made it up to you the whole day.  “Just give me another chance.”

“You said you would never let Diego come in between us, remember? We went to the beach, you told me that you would never let Diego come in between us.” 

Angel remembered that and he regretted letting Diego come in between you. 

“I can’t take back what I did. But if you would give me another chance, I can show you that I am worthy of you. Diego’s the asshole in this story, I did what I did to protect you.” Angel knew he was protecting his own ass, but in some ways, like Coco said, he would be no good to you if he was six feet under. 

"Do you really think so little of me? That you couldn't trust me with the truth. This is bigger than just you, I'm just as much a part of this and I should have had a say. You don't get to make the decisions for everyone Angel, you don't get to decide what's best for me.”

Angel realized then that he should have just told her. This was bigger than him and she should have been part of this decision. If he was going to make her his partner, he should have spoken to her and made the decision together. Coco was right, she’s been a part of this life all of her life, if anyone would understand his madness, it would be her. 

"I was just trying to protect you" 

“Don't. We both know that's bullshit. You were protecting yourself.” You spat out. “So when were you going to tell me that Diego was blackmailing you?”

“As soon as I fucking buried him across the border.”

You nodded your head, chuckling at Angel’s words. “Yeah?” You took the USB stick that Diego had left on your table. Tossing it to Ange he caught it with ease. “Make sure you clean up after yourself next time.” You made your way over to Bishop’s place, unlocking the door quickly so Angel didn’t have a chance to catch up to you.

When you walked in, you saw him through the window. He looked up at you then, wanting to come after you, but Bishop appearing at the window caused him to halt his steps. He would wait for you at your apartment, he wasn’t done with you before and he definitely wasn’t done with you now.

“Everything okay mija?” Marcus questioned.

You looked over at your tio, nodding your head, giving him a small smile. “Yes, I’m fine.” You sat beside him, which in hindsight may not be a good idea since he was smoking. Standing up once more, you go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. “I heard Diego is going back to Stockton.”

“Yeah, Creeper is back, we don’t have much use for him now.” Bishop sat by Marcos. 

You sat at the other end of the table, placing your glass in front of you. “Good, glad he can go home.”

“You know he stayed for you.” Marcus pointed out.

“I do, but it was futile, I’m not really sure what he wanted with that.”

Marcus and Bishop looked at one another, shaking their heads. 

“Maybe he wanted to apologize for letting that bitch disrespect you.” 

Your eyes widened at Bishop’s words, unsure exactly of what to say. Looking over at them, they had stern looks on their faces and you felt foolish thinking they didn’t know.

“You knew.”

“Of course we did.” Bishop scoffed at her suggestion that he or Marcus would know nothing about what transpired between her and Diego. “Your mother called us, demanding that we beat the fucker alive for what he did to you.”

It would be your mother. 

Amaya Losa was a force to be reckoned with. She knew her connections and used it wisely. It was rare that she called Marcus or Obispo for anything, so when she did, they did whatever she requested, except for hurting Diego. They knew it wouldn’t do anything but hurt you further. Bishop was able to talk his sister down and think rationally. He wanted to be Diego, strip him of his patch, but he refrained from doing anything knowing it would upset you. 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Cause you wouldn’t have wanted us to hurt Diego, regardless of what he did to you.” Marcus knew his niece. He remembered how sweet you were growing up, always wanting to please your mother since your father died when you were still young. You saw Marcus as your father figure and it’s never changed since then. You never wanted to do anything to tarnish their names within the club, which was why you acted as appropriately as you could. When Regina called you out, you swallowed your pride and still showed your face at Stockton. 

You felt emotional, tears welling up in your eyes. Your tio’s always protected you, even if you didn’t know it. Knowing that they knew about Diego and chose to remain silent, it surprised you. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew about Diego?” You looked at them, wiping the tears that escaped your eyes.

“We never liked Diego for you, the fact you distanced yourself from him, knowing how much you meant to him, it was punishment enough. Diego was not the same after you left. He was just another member wearing the patch with no direction. Regina always tried to push him to become something more, but you know him, he hated being pushed or challenged.” Bishop explained. Leaving scars on his body would have definitely appeased their anger and your mother’s, but the way Bishop and Marcus saw it, leaving him emotionally crippled due to you walking away was much more jarring than any physical damage they would do to him. “Without you there, he didn’t have much of a purpose. He was a good rider, but never reliable with guns. He had a mean right hook, but again, Diego was just a good foot soldier. He would never actually move up the ranks. You gave Diego confidence because of your connection to us, but without you there, he was just another member with a patch.”

“I think you’re giving me far too much credit.”

“Maybe, but you didn’t see him when you left.” Marcus made a few visits to Stockton and whenever he did, Diego was quiet, not as talkative as when you were there. He didn’t have anyone to bounce off his energy with, to balance him out. 

“Why’d you come here? You rarely come visit me.” Bishop teased his niece, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Diego was at my apartment, he was annoying me so I decided to come here.” 

“Why didn’t you just call Angel?” Bishop knew that Angel had been gunning for Diego for quite some time. Ever since the day you slapped Angel, he noticed that Coco, Gilly and Angel watched Diego like a hawk. Every move he made, they knew about. It was slightly unnerving, but he didn’t question it. As long as they didn’t kill Diego, he was fine with whatever else they decided to do. He knew the three stooges weren’t that idiotic to kill a member. “He followed you all the way here.”

“Angel and I broke up.”

“You think Angel’s going to give up on you?” Bishop knew for a fact that Angel was not. 

It was only a matter of time till you let Angel back in again. 

If Bishop had to lock you two in a room till you made up, he fucking would. 

==============

The next day, you stopped your car in front of the motorcycles, watching as Angel, Coco and Gilly made their way out of the clubhouse. Coco seemed upset, immediately lighting up a cigarette as he walked ahead of Angel and Gilly. You could see Angel and Coco becoming heated with one another as Gilly looked on, you then heard Riz, and knew that some shit just went down. 

“You picked the perfect fucking time to come.” You murmured, shaking your head.

Just as Riz was walking away, you saw another car pull up and you knew that car anywhere. It was Regina’s car. Diego came out of the clubhouse then, his face immediately souring when his eyes landed on the car. 

You debated whether or not to get out of the car, not wanting to deal with Regina after having your talking with both Diego and Angel last night. But at this point, fuck it. If you were able to face off against Diego and Angel, Regina was nothing. 

Sliding out of your car, Regina’s eyes immediately went to you and realization hit her face quick. She always had a hunch that Diego was staying in SoCal for you, but he didn’t think Diego would go back to you. She sunk her claws in and she never thought he would break away. Being with a Mayan provided a status in Stockton and she needed to keep that. Association with the Mayans provided you protection and it was something she needed after all the shit she spoke to others. 

“You fucking kidding me right now? You came to Santo Padre to look for her?” Regina’s shrill voice rang out through the yard, an audience immediately forming. 

Angel noticed your arrival then. 

“Don’t fucking start Regina, the fuck are you even doing here?” Diego attempted to move her away, but her eyes were rooted on you.

“Three fucking years you haunted our relationship and you weren’t even fucking there. You happy now? You got your precious Diegito?” Regina made her way over to you, shrugging off Diego. “You must think you’re hot shit because Diego ran after you? It was only after I dumped him baby, and now I’m back for him, so just like before, you’ll be thrown to the side.”

Angel wasn’t going to let this bitch talk to his girl like that. He moved to stand behind you, wrapping his arm around your middle. “Is there a problem here babe?”

You couldn’t help but feel safe with Angel’s arm around you. His mere presence gave you strength and you were thankful for that, even if you were still upset at him.

“No, just Diego’s trash looking for it’s dumpster.”

You heard the roar of laughter coming from behind you, which you guessed to be Coco and Gilly. Your Tio Bishop and Tio Taza were at the porch, chuckling as well, hearing your words to Regina. She stood there, speechless, looking at Diego who was laughing as well. 

“Fuck you, you’re nothing but trash. You think you’re hot shit cause you have all these men around you, let’s see how tough you are when they aren’t around.”

“Name the time and place, bitch.”

Before Regina could reply, Diego dragged her off to the side, leaving you with Angel.

“Damn baby, I love your feisty side.” Angel kissed your cheek, his arm still wrapped around you. “Doesn’t it feel good to be back in my arms?” 

“Fuck you, Angel.”

“Name the time and place baby.” He was teasing you and it was irritating you, yet you tried to fight off a smile. 

Angel knew he was far from being on your good side, but the fact that you weren’t ignoring him anymore, he took it as a good sign. 

He’ll win you over, he was confident he would. 

==============

EZ stood beside you, watching Angel fight Riz. Boys will be boys and you laughed at how easy it was to handle conflict within the Mayans. Beat the fuck out of each other in the ring and it was a done deal. 

“So, how are you and my brother?” EZ handed you your usual pineapple cider they keep in stock for you. 

“Nothing there.” You shrugged, wincing as Riz got Angel in his back. 

“Right,” EZ chuckled. “You know why he did what he did. Angel is impulsive and he was trying to do everything to protect you.”

“I’m sure he was and so was Diego.” You took a swig of the cider in your hand, watching as Angel got the better of Riz. As much as you were upset at Angel, you still had to admire how fucking good he looked. “Wished people would see that my tio’s and myself are two different entities.”

“Angel sees that, but he also knows that you two have not been two separate entities for a year now. If he’s doing something, you’re more than likely to be involved as well.” EZ explained. “Bishop is a smart man, and he knows you and Angel well. He won’t be able to separate you two when it comes to shit like this cause he knows Angel wouldn’t be able to hide it from you. Regardless of how Angel handled things, you know he loves you.” You heard the gunshot, signaling the end of the fight. “You weren’t the only one broken up about it, do you think I like sleeping on my brother’s fucking couch? Nope, but I did it to make sure that he didn’t drink himself to oblivion.”

You two watched as Angel hugged it out. Angel looked over at you, a smirk on his face as the blood dripped down his cheek, sweat making his chest glisten. You watched as the girls waited for him and Riz by the entrance of the ring, waiting to patch him and Riz up after their fight. 

“Go patch up your man.” EZ playful elbow you on the side. 

“Go patch up big brother, Ezekiel. Sure you’re used to it.” You teased him right back. 

“Mi dulce, come help me clean up.” Angel stopped by the clubhouse entrance, pulling your attention away from EZ.

“Your brother is calling you.” 

“Yeah, no, think that call was for you.” EZ walked away, leaving you with Angel.

“I can clean you up Angel.” One of the girls who followed him to the entrance offered.

“Go right ahead sweetie, don’t forget to kiss his boo boo’s too.” You winked at Angel, downing the rest of your drink and turning away from him. Looking at the time, it was nearing nine in the evening, good time to leave. 

“You really gonna let some other woman clean me up?” You were started by Angel’s sudden presence, moving away from him. 

“Can you not do that?” You placed a hand over your chest to calm your heart. Being around Angel usually caused your heart rate to rise, but pair that up with being scared, it made it worse. 

“Come on, clean me up.” He took your hand, pulling you towards the clubhouse.

“Angel, that girl literally fucking offered.” You pointed out as he opened the door.

“Don’t give a fuck, I want you.” Angel led you to his room at the clubhouse, opening the door and closing it behind him. He sat down on his bed, his eyes on you. Crossing your arms over your chest, you were slightly nervous. Being alone with Angel was dangerous for you.

“Come on Angel, don’t do this.” You leaned against the door, thinking of a way to get yourself out of this one.

“Don’t do what? All I’m asking is for you to clean up my wounds, you did it before we got together, why can’t you do it now?”

“Angel, things are different and you know that.” You sighed, shaking your head. You opened the door and you heard him get up. “I’m just getting a wet cloth, sit down.” And you did as you told him, coming back with a wet cloth and stepping in between his legs. You cleaned the dried blood on his face, thankful that the cut on his nose was not gaping, meaning it didn’t need any stitches. “You should shower.” You instructed him. 

“You gonna join me?”

“Angel, I told you, we’re not okay, far from it. Just give me time.” You cupped his face, he leaned against your palm, sighing. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I really am.”

“I know,” you stepped away from him. 

“I don’t want to lose you. No, I can’t lose you.” Angel hated how dependent he became towards you, but it was difficult not to be. The feeling you provided by your mere presence was never something he experienced. All he wanted was to be around you, to be with you. 

You stepped back in between his legs and kissed him, his arms immediately wrapping around you, pushing you against him. Pulling back you rested your forehead against his, he kissed you again. You pulled away, putting more distance between you two.

“You won’t lose me. Just need time to figure some things out.” 

“We can figure it out together baby.”

“No, this is just on me. Got to work on me before we can be really together.” You wrapped your arms around him, missing the hugs Angel would give you. “I love you, Angel.”

“I love you too.”