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#and everyone was reacting positively and i loudly went 'OH MY GOD' bc i was excited
silverislander · 4 months
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i know my anxiety is irrational and comprised of previous negative experiences instead of an accurate prediction of the future bc it still tries to make me feel bad about objectively funny things that no longer even align with my morals as a person
#did i ever tell yall abt how im the reason a choir i was in couldnt post a nice video. i singlehandedly ruined it#they were recording us reacting to the big revelation of where we would be going on our choir trip next year and we were HYPED UP#or at least i was. they were dragging it out and i was super excited#finally after 3 separate speeches and like 10mins of buildup (im not kidding) they told us we were going to...#literal drum roll. a guy in the drum section of the brass band was doing a drum roll. really funny guy i remember he was cool#... toronto!! (this was very exciting i had never been to toronto and i love getting to travel anywhere new)#and everyone was reacting positively and i loudly went 'OH MY GOD' bc i was excited#now the thing is. i had been trying not to swear anymore bc i felt like i did it too much (i was deep in religion at this point in my life#(the worst thing i would ever say was hell and that felt like a slur) (i was miserable 24/7 bc i had such high standards for myself)#and the other thing is. this was a church choir. we were IN the sanctuary at the time#multiple people turned to GLARE/stare at me and istg i felt smth inside me die a little i was beyond mortified#and i know they were recording our reaction bc i saw multiple people doing it. but no video was ever posted in the end 😭#i know 100% that was my fault bc i am very loud. you could absolutely hear me on that video + nobody else had that huge reaction#anyway. in the moment i was embarrassed but nowadays its so funny considering how i and those people turned out#i didnt even go on that trip i dropped out of the choir 3mos later bc i hated it there lmao#levi.txt#and now i think the fuck word is like top five most used words in my vocabulary and im not religious anymore. character growth#im nice to people and not weirdly judgemental abt whether their choices fit my moral standards#and most importantly of all im reasonably happy these days bc i dont try to make myself act like someone im not all the time!#i cant believe my brain still pulls that memory out sometimes to try and make me feel bad bc it just. does not work anymore
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latin-dr-robotnik · 4 years
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SonAmy AU - of knights and hammers
I’m feeling kinda low on inspiration after not having completed a thing I wanted for Sonic’s birthday (should I release it incomplete? Should I actually bother finishing it?), and so I went out looking for something to write, and I found some old ideas that for some reason I didn’t elaborate on back then (maybe I was overwhelmed with exams lol.) 
Prompt: basically this old ask
Now let me tell you a story about a different time.
‘Tis an old tale, from when the modern Spagonia we all know didn’t exist, and the kingdoms that joined under its flag centuries ago were as fierce and diverse as the stretches of land they ruled. 
The old Spagonia castle was the center of the bigger of said kingdoms, and it was located on the rocky coasts by the far south reaches, where the sun runs hot and the knights all over the continent face off against each other, all for the glory of the Queen... and a hefty gold prize.
For the past five years, the tournament has been dominated by a single champion, a knight with a gift of speed like no other, able to struck its enemies several times before they even have a chance to react. Nobody knows his name or where did he come from, but they call him the Knight of the Wind. In the sixth year of competing, everything looked like it was another sweep in his favor.
“Honorable people of our glorious Kingdom! Travelers from the kingdoms all across the world!” The announcer began, as the public flooded the tournament grounds with great enthusiasm, “welcome to the final day of our annual tourney, possible thanks to God and Her Majesty’s enlightment and eternal wisdom!”
The crowd cheered.
“The last bout of today will be a match of titans! On one side we have our five times champion and man of the people, the Knight of the Wind!”
The crowd cheered even harder as he raced into the arena, waving his hand at everyone and posing.
“On the other hand, we have a newcomer that has proven to be up to par for this tournament! Rumors say she’s from the northern lands, others believe it’s God’s own answer to Knight of the Wind’s speed. We don’t know her name, but folk around here have named her the Hammer Knight!”
Some people cheered, but most of the attendants could be heard talking. She stepped in, no waving, no posing, and seemingly unarmed.
“Now, as we receive our Queen’s blessing, let the fighting begin!”
The two stood on opposite sides, not moving or anything for a moment, until the Knight of the Wind broke the ice.
“So, a new challenger, huh?” He shouted, lowering his guard in the process. “A mysterious one, no less!” He started moving slowly, keeping his eyes on her. “Oh, you think you can come here, no name or anything like me, and steal MY tournament? Ha, that’s lame!”
Hammer Knight stood completely still, on guard, as the Knight of the Wind kept half-circling around her, looking for a strategic oportunity to strike like a lightning bolt.
“What’s up, girl? Are you completely frozen inside that heavy armor?” He kept mocking, then shifted to a charging position - right shoulder in front, ready to strike. “Or is it that you just wanted to meet your hero? Look, if that’s what you want, I’ll give you a quick demonstration, but it isn’t free of charge!”
As soon as he finished talking, the Knight of the Wind charged directy towards Hammer Knight, zipping across the arena in the blink of an eye. A cloud of dust covered the entire arena, as the public loudly gasped. 
When the cloud dissipated, the Knight of the Wind was standing alone, Hammer Knight nowhere to be seen.
“Heh, might’ve crushed her so hard she completely vanished.” He uttered to himself. “Okay! Thank you all for coming, it’s been a fantastic tournament but you know I’m the only o---”
The Knight of the Wind turned around to greet the astonished public, when Hammer Knight appeared magically in front of him, swinging a giant hammer she previously wasn’t wielding. The impact sent him flying straight to a wall, with the public gasping again.
He recovered quickly. “Oh... so there you are. Nice cheating, girl, but playtime’s over!”
The battle continued for several minutes with the Knight of the Wind charging towards Hammer Knight with no results for him. She would always dodge him or counter him with her hammer, as he got more relentless - and later exhausted. The public was having a hard time processing what they were seeing.
Exhausted, the Knight of the Wind tried to spice up his tactics, now dashing erratically in an effort to confuse Hammer Knight into striking at the wrong moment. He only managed to hit her shoulder, but as soon as he stopped to catch a breath, she knocked him across the entire arena again. 
This time he wasn’t getting up. After another loud gasp from the public, they started cheering Hammer Knight, and so the announcer came back.
“What an amazing combat we’ve just watched, folks!” The announcer had problems trying to contain the excitement. “Our Knight of the Wind... isn’t getting up it seems! That can only mean... Hammer Knight is our new champion! All hail Hammer Knight!”
The Knight of the Wind wasn’t completely unconscious, and as soon as he heard that Hammer Knight was victorious, he haphazardly got up ran away. Hammer Knight tried to reach for him, but got caught in the midst of celebrations.
Later that day, the Knight of the Wind was sitting inside his personal tent, reflecting upon what happened earlier, until he got interrupted by a messenger of the Queen.
“Pardon my interruption, Sir, I have an urgent message coming from the Queen.” The messenger stepped inside, the Knight facing his back to him.
“If it’s urgent, then tell the Queen to call her new shiny friend, Hammer Knight.”
“You don’t understand, sir!” The messenger urged, “‘tis an important matter that needs your unmatched speed. The Queen needs you to lead and reinforce our troops at the northern border as soon as possible.”
The Knight didn’t move. “I already made up my mind, I’m telling y---”
Another figure stepped inside the tent, interrupting them.
“Oh... I didn’t mean to...”
It was Hammer Knight. 
The messenger freaked out. “Oh my God, it’s really you! I’ll... leave you two alone, if you excuse me.” But before exiting the tent reiterated, “Sir, please consider what I told you. We are leaving this evening, the entire kingdom needs your help.”
The Knight of the Wind wasn’t on a good mood for any of this.
“What do you want?” He let out, notably upset. “You already took the tournament and the gold off my hands, are you going to take this tent from me as well?”
“Not at all,” she softly replied, then kneeled behind him, “I need your help.”
Contrary to what he expected, Hammer Knight didn’t want to take anything from him. After little consideration, he got up and turned to face her for the first time since their battle - now without any piece of armor, just some regular knight robes. He took a long stare at her, silently admiring the one rival that managed to best him. After a minute of silence, he answered. 
“Go on.”
She nodded, then looked up to him. “A war is brewing between the three kingdoms. I’ve been travelling all across the land, trying to stop this, searching for people that could help me, but nobody would listen to me. That’s what led me to you."
“Why would I want to prevent a war, though?” The Knight of the Wind reflected. “It’s all the more chances for me to kick ass, and right now that’s all I honestly care, or need.”
“You don’t understand, do you?” Hammer Knight lamented. “Imagine how this would impact across the land. Fields and villages burning from here down to remote places like the small kingdom of Apotos. There’s a big offensive coming from the East, I bet you it wont stop at the three kingdoms, and people only seem to listen to you - even the Queen herself! Knight of the Wind, please consider the risks at play.”
The Knight of the Wind stood silent for a moment, reflecting.
“I guess the rumors were true.” He let out. “And I guess I can’t let down my people, after all, I always helped them when in need.” He lended a hand to her, she grabbed it and got up. “Just point me out to where we have to go.”
After a moment, he added:
“And by the way, just call me Sonic.”
-------------------------------------------------------
BONUS (bc I got pretty invested in this AU already):
After talking with the Queen, Sonic and Hammer Knight went up north, to the spagonian border. They joined the troops stationed at the border that very same night, and while Sonic was talking with everyone and sharing stories, Hammer Knight was sitting on a nearby cliff, overlooking the river that separates both kingdoms.
After noticing her abscence for a while, Sonic finally found Hammer Knight atop that same cliff, and sat next to her.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been there.” Hammer Knight commented, pointing out the valley beyond the river. “I wonder how is everyone doing... my family and friends...”
“So, it IS true, you ARE from the northern lands! I mean! Your people will likely be happy of seeing their champion back.” Sonic pointed out, trying to contain himself. “Think about it, the triumphant return of Hammer Knight! I doesn’t sound cool to me of course, but for everyone else I bet they’ll love it.”
Hammer Knight chuckled. “Oh, stop being so spiteful! There must be a silver lining to it!” 
“Well, the fact you are the only worthy opponent I’ve faced might count... Hammer Knight.”
“Just... just call me Amy, okay?”
“Fine... Amy.”
The two stood in silence, watching the moon’s reflection on the river.
Conversation came back after a while.
“So, Sonic, have you been up north before?” Amy asked.
“Well, five years of being Spagonia’s champion granted me a world tour already!” Sonic playfully answered. “I think I remember the northern lands, I would’ve visited them again on my sixth year on tour if, y’know, I had won that tourney!”
“Well, now you have the chance to tour around with the new champion!” She teased.
“Yeah... kill me, please.” He joked, and both laughed.
Amy let out a sigh and leaned on his shoulder. 
“I think I like you, oh, Knight of the Wind.”
Sonic didn’t say anything. But on his mind he started considering the thought of actually enjoying moments like that. Maybe she was a lot more valuable to him than just a worthy opponent.
The next morning, the Knight of the Wind and Hammer Knight went on their first adventure, hoping to stop any potential threat to peace.
(Author’s note: hey, got anything for me? Send it to my ask box!)
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boojersey · 5 years
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VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN
*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN
cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences
What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!
How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such
Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it
Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)
Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!
If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception
What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman
Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them
Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol
What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear
Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 
What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic
What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)
What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire
Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either
Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo
Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that
What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day
Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)
Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar
Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother
Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it
Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried
How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 
Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)
What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself
What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick
Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me
What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history
Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.
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