Thing is even if i go back to therapy if i tell her i want to kill myself she's just going to hospitalize me again

@summerstrash

god, I can't remember all of it because I had an intense brainrot session about it like 2 months ago and never again, but basically the plot kinda went like this (keep in mind that I still haven't actually read Alex in the Krakoan era, but I read some stuff in the wiki and extrapolated from there):

Alex goes to therapy after being all depressed and moody in the Summer house after all the Limbo business and Rachel tosses some clothes at him with a business card for some kinda pro-mutant therapist she trusts; after a few session he realizes some of his more toxic/problematic behaviors are bad and that maybe he should be single for a bit longer (and maybe even forever bc I WILL make everyone aromantic) while he apologizes to his exes and also comes clean about his feelings of inadequacy to Scott and etc etc etc basic therapy stuff yk?

He's doing better and growing his hair out as a symbolic way of showing his growth as a person (and also because his therapist suggested he try to do some permanent modifications to his body by his own choice to make him feel more grounded in his own body, he's very hesitant because he wants to be seen as normal, so he starts out easy with the hair [later on definitely gets some tattoos and piercings and goes to a leather bar to realize hey this is actually fun]) when he gets accidentally referred to as ma'am by some of the younger mutants that don't know who he is and something in his brain *clicks*; he goes home and starts googling what the fuck is going on, asks himself if he's a woman, but doesn't know how to answer that so he goes to his lesbian niece to try and parse these feelings; Rachel suggests he try out some pronouns with her and other trusted people (punches Alex's shoulder and says "At least your name is already unisex, auntie." and Alex actually does really like Rachel calling her aunt)

Anyway, she takes an impulsive leap to go on estrogen to force herself to do a slightly more permanent body mod like her therapist said and, slowly over the course of some months, actually becomes pretty happy about what her body looks like on E; she starts being a little more social and confident and standing up for herself around others and eventually everyone in Krakoa kinda knows that she's Cyclops' sister now

Cut to the 90s X-Factor team having some kinda villain do some wibbly wobbly time shit that brings the whole team from the Krakoan Era back to their time, but it scatters them around the country. X-Factor puts out a government APB for "people that match our exact description except older" to try and get them all in one place so they can send them back into their own time; Lorna and Jamie make their way to X Factor HQ themselves, Guido and Rahne go to Guido's parents' place and then the HQ from there, while Alex has decided to plop herself in a leather bar because while she /could/ go to the HQ, she doesn't know if it's the best idea to show her younger self what she looks like (hell, she wouldn't show herself to who she was half a year ago) and besides, it's not as if they would believe that she is who she says she is

The whole team minus Alex is in X-Factor HQ, the old team is kinda marvelling at how they look when they're older and someone (probably Jamie) points out "alright, now we just need old Alex and you guys can go back to your own time" and the Krakoa team collectively inhales through their teeth and are like "yeaaahhhhhhh about that... there's a reason you haven't found h- ... /Alex/ with that description."; old team is very confused but they refuse to clarify; the time displaced guys take it upon themselves to go and find Alex because they can't exactly give a description without her permission because they would be outing her

I think Lorna would be the one to find her sulking and frowning at a newspaper just reminding herself what happened during this time; she convinces Alex to come to the HQ so they can all go back to their own future, but Alex knows that if a younger her saw the tattoos and hair and clothes and most noticeably boobs that it would seriously disrupt the timeline, or at least /her/ timeline; Lorna agrees but remarks that they can just put some makeup on her and cover her up with clothes and Alex just sighs because she /just/ got to a point where she can be herself freely but now she has to go back to being that insecure and self-censoring man

They probably have like... some telepath (preferably Emma but idk if she's a good or bad guy at this point) come and erase the memories of seeing older Alex after they've sent everyone to their own time. that or the Krakoa era guys convince like.. Hank or someone else to take them back. I don't know, I can't remember the ending

This idea mostly happened because I had a brainstorming session of what trans Alex would actually look like and then it devolved from there. I'm doing some sketches today and will share them once I stop travelling and get wifi because I'm on a bus rn lol

Hello there Mika!! Your art is huge inspiration to me and I love it so much words can't explain it, I absolutely love your sketches, doodles, full art pieces, whatever you make I absolutely adore. Sorry for blabbing but just wanted to ask about things you really hate about sskk, like what the fandom does with the ship that you dislike?😭 Take care of yourself drink some water!💜💫

TW for sa mention!! Sorry but i ramble a bit here so im gonna add a cut!! (Plus the tw) Take care of yourself too and ill get some water right now actually😋

Okay firstly!! Hello!! Thank you so much!! And no worries no need to apologize its very sweet of you im so glad you like my art i really do appreciate it!! Thank you!

And its hard for me to say exactly? Im still very much into bsd but ive been distant with the fandom for a little while now BUT!! From what i remember what i usually didnt like was when people would make them so..two dimensional kinda?? BSD has pretty morally complicated characters and it was really weird when people would flatten sskk's personalities down to just some ship dynamic bc they are SOOO much more complicated than that. And thats just as INDIVIDUALS!! Even when considering them together theres a lot to think about when it comes down to their functionality, whether or not its viewed as romantic or platonic. And of course youre always gonna have those people who just water down any mlm ship into some weird dynamic that doesn't even fit the character's relationship which is just obviously Not Great.

And then as far as the characters individually i feel like a lot of people baby atsushi its really odd. Like that man has gone through some shit he is GROWNNN. I think its because hes the "softer" one out if the two or whatever. Which yeah he's nicer, its made clear akutagawa isn't a great person but atsushi isnt the exact opposite of akutagawa or the "softer" one. They're narrative foils of eachother, they mirror many of the other's character traits and atsushi has also done some Not Super Stellar shit. Do i think most of it was within reason? A little, considering what hes been through and exactly what he did. I do think he is the better person between the both of them - and i feel like thats also proven - but he is by NO means "innocent" or anything weird like that.

Then for akutagawa its really only that weird sa headcannon that originated from something he said in Beast (i can't remember exactly what, but i remember thinking it was NOT enough to warrant a hc like that. I remember that much). And as someone who's been through that a couple times i think its one thing if its some way to help someone cope or feel more seen (more specifically it isnt my business to cast judgement -unless it hurts them or someone else- and im no therapist), but i have seen people apply the headcannon simply because they say its "implied" or it "makes sense". Which, once again, as someone who's gone through that i think thats just. Weird. I dont like it. I personally try to stay away from any talk about it at all from anyone.

I also don't like when people make it seems like Atsushi has to save Akutagawa or something like hes some knight in shining moral armor. Its much more complicated than that and I could go further into this but it would be a whole rant about their characters and dynamic and itd go on FOREVER. So im just gonna say that akutagawa is also a grown man and knows well enough what hes doing with himself, even if its unhealthy (not that Atsushi is any better but lets be real no one is this show really is) and he wouldn't listen to atsushi if he didnt want to anyway. This part is really just personal opinion though, and i don't cast hard judgement on people who see them that way. Im not the type to care enough.

So yeah i guess it wasn't really hard to say at all LMFAO but otherwise i dont think ive had any other issues abt it?? I dont pay much attention to things i don't like anyway so im not easily bothered lol

But i hope this answered your question!! Plz lmk if i missed or misinterpreted something!! It was nice to talk about BSD again anyway though, ive missed it.

Last night I watched People vs Richard Wheatley again. I think I may have missed something in the conversation Barba has with Olivia. What exactly would have happened if Barba didn't take Wheatley's case? He said that Wheatley would have hired some shark to come after the NYPD, Stabler and her.

If she was to take the stand and face this "shark" of a lawyer, what would they have on her? Barba said her relationship with Elliot but isn't that just hearsay? There is no proof of a relationship. Olivia has never said she and Elliot have had a relationship beyond partnership. I'm just wondering if there was something that I missed in previous SVU seasons (I've only really watched up to the end of season 17 then started again when they announced Meloni's return) that would truly have a negative effect on her career if it was presented in court.

I initially thought he was talking about her lying on the stand about nearly beating William Lewis to death while handcuffed. If that truly was one of Barba's concerns wouldn't that be about him looking out for himself also. In Psycho Therapist, he said that Lewis's lawyer would go after her for excessive force for crushing his skull while he was hancuffed. He then told her to make sure she studied her initial testimony to the grand jury to keep her story straight? He knew she lied on the stand. Was he worried about that situation being brought up again? Or was it something in the seasons I missed? If there is more could you please tell me the season and episodes? Thanks!

so we talked about this a lot around the time that the episodes aired, but here's kinda where i landed with that he's protecting her thing.

he's not going to bring up the perjury thing, bc as you point out that's gonna wreck him as much as it wrecks her. someone else could bc she publicly confessed to it - the brass walked it back afterwards but a different attorney could raise doubt about that. now that still feels partially selfish, right?

so the thing is, another defense attorney isn't gonna get up there and be like hey isn't it true you're fucking this guy? bc 1) you never ask a question you don't know the answer to and 2) she's not.

but.

sex is not a requirement for olivia's judgment to be impaired.

another attorney, one who is not barba, is gonna go through liv's record. they're gonna see that for every incident of excessive force, every shooting in elliot's jacket, liv was there. they're going to see all the complaints in liv's jacket. they're going to see the mandated counseling for both of them. they're going to see that, handcuffed or not, liv beat the shit out of lewis. they're going to see that she ducked her protective detail, went after him, that lewis died and she claimed it was suicide but no one believed her, and they even convened a grand jury over it. they're going to see the facts.

and they're going to use the facts to introduce the concept of reasonable doubt about olivia's motives and testimony.

they're going to say he has a history of violence, and so does she. she's as bad as he is. she's as likely to railroad an innocent man as he is - there is at least one documented case where liv interrogated an innocent man to the point he broke, and confessed to something he didn't do, and spent more than a decade in jail because of her (they're not going to mention she got him out). they're going to point at elliot and say she's too close to this man, too much like this man, and her squad never should have been handed this investigation in the beginning, but they were. they're going to say how much damage did she do while she was in charge? they're going to say why shuold we believe she wouldn't lie for a man she cares for, wouldn't do anything to help him? they're going to say captain benson can't be trusted where detective stabler is concerned, bc it's documented that they're reckless together and that she's been reckless with other people's civil rights. barba shows the tape of the initial interrogation and says that liv noticed what elliot was doing and tried to stop him, and therefore elliot is a bad man; another defense attorney is going to say she knew what he was going to do, and let him into the room anyway, and therefore she is bad. another defense attorney is going to say she has a habit of fucking other cops - cassidy and tucker are on the record, now. liv got bounced out of svu briefly bc of her connection to tucker. they have room to insinuate without asking outright.

another defense attorney, who is solely trying to sow doubt, is going to drag olivia through the mud, and whether or not she is currently fucking elliot never has to play into the bargain.

barba won't do that. he didn't do that.

Paige/Jinny enemies to lovers - is it still enemies to lovers if only one of them knows they're enemies?

ok, so this is pre-season four, bc it's the only way I can see it working. sometime in season two/three, Jinny's latest master comes to San Francisco. maybe he's trying to impress the source, wants to kill the charmed ones, etc. point is, he's in SF, and Jinny is out of her bottle for some reason, and she takes advantage of being in a crowded city to make a break for it, punches her master in the face and just books it the hell out of there. she's not really thinking, bc he can always just order her back in, but he comes after her nonetheless, grabs her by the arm and gets physical.

enter Paige.

she's just coming off work, she's had a long day and she's tired, but when she sees some creepy old dude with his hands all over this young woman, very obviously threatening her, she goes a little bit apeshit. she cold-cocks the demon, yells for someone to call the cops, makes a huge nusiance of herself until everyone on the street is looking. and the demon knows he's outnumbered and he's too smart to make a further scene, not when he's got Jinny's bottle to control her with, so he takes off before things get worse. only he dropped the bottle when Paige punched him and Paige picked it up to give it back to Jinny, inadertantly making her Jinny's new master.

not that she has any idea of this, because she has no idea magic even exists, she just thinks she rescued Jinny from some kind of abusive relationship. for Jinny's part, she's not about to tell some random mortal that she's a genie; she doesn't know what kind of wishes Paige would make right off the bat, and she can't risk losing the chance to get wished free. so she decides to bide her time, gain Paige's trust, then betray her later by getting her to make a very crucial wish.

but Jinny underestimates Paige, and Paige's compassion, and that when Jinny tearfully insists she can't go to the police, Paige will take her home with her to take care of her because she's obviously terrified and traumatized. and when Paige asks who Jinny was fighting with, Jinny calls him her master, so Paige is now convinced that she rescued Jinny from some kind of sex trafficking situation that Jinny doesn't bother to correct.

Jinny tells Paige that her family is dead, and she has no home, and Paige offers to let her stay on the couch. and she offers Jinny new clothes to change into, and free run of the fridge, and a shoulder to cry on if Jinny ever wants to talk about what she's been through, and Jinny's kind of baffled bc no one's ever treated her like this. not in the underworld as a lowly demon just trying to survive, not when that sorcerer seduced her and then cursed her into the bottle, and certainly not from any of her previous masters. it's been a long time, if ever, that she's experienced kindness, and she finds that she kind of likes it.

she lives on Paige's couch for a while. days, then weeks, then months. she and Paige get along well enough that Paige just never asks her to leave, plus Paige is aware of the whole 'alone in the world, nowhere to go' thing and she's not about to throw Jinny out into the street. Jinny goes out and explores the city and then gets a job at a coffee shop near the apartment, bc Paige never ordered her back into the bottle, never set any limitations on how far she could go, and she's kind of bored and maybe a little addicted to the shop's coffee and what better way to have a free, unlimited supply. she finds herself talking to other people, and helping people, and slowly doing more and more good. her bottle sits on a shelf somewhere in the apartment, gathering dust.

Jinny maybe also starts seeing a therapist. Paige's suggestion, to help her deal with the trauma she's lived with for so long, and normally Jinny would laugh at the idea of spilling her guts to a mortal, but it's rather cathartic to talk things out, at least as much as she can without revealing magic. she asks Paige to come with her to one of the sessions; Paige holds her hand when her voice starts to break, takes her out for ice cream and a long walk in the park afterward.

Jinny's been living with Paige for almost six months when she realizes that Paige keeps the fridge stocked with the fancy lemonade Jinny loves, that she's got a toothbrush in a cup beside Paige's on the sink, that she knows Paige's favorite coffee order to bring to her at work as a surprise. that maybe she's falling in love with this mortal she's supposed to be tricking.

she has a bit of an existential crisis then. she's supposed to be evil; it was what she was born to be, it was what all those masters made her with their treatment over the centuries. but Paige doens't treat her like she's evil, doesn't treat her like any of the others. Paige treats her like she's something wonderful and worthy, Paige smiles when she sees Jinny making breakfast in the morning, says 'thanks, babe,' in that scratchy voice that tells Jinny she's still half-asleep and not actually listening to what she's saying. Paige is - Paige is maybe in love with her, too?

Jinny's not entirely sure how to deal with that.

so she doesn't really; just shoves it to the back of her mind, thinks about it every once in a while but not for very long. certainly not enough to be obsessing over it. she has a mission after all, and she can't let these pesky feelings for Paige get in the way of her revenge.

but then Paige comes home that night having crashed a stranger's funeral, and she's all wired and jittery and she asks Jinny if she wants to go clubbing, and then they get attacked by a demon and Jinny's mind is made up. Paige is hers, and no demon, not even the Source's personal assassin, is getting his hands on her.

Paige's new sisters being the Charmed Ones might be a bit of a bigger obstacle, but Jinny will deal with that after she finds a way to tell Paige about the whole genie thing. and find a way to get free without trapping Paige (or anyone else bc Paige wouldn't like that) in the bottle. and then she has to tell Paige how she feels.

omg. tbh ten times funnier if leo as a whitelighter can sense jinny is a genie and goes hey what���s with the the genie and paige is like jinny? and piper and phoebe are like GENIE?? and jinny’s like okay word i guess this is how i’m meeting my gf’s family also yes paige i am a genie but to be fair! i also didn’t know you were a witch. so like. i didn’t wanna scare u or anything. also funnier if piper or phoebe or hell even prue frequented the coffee shop jinny went to actually scratch that prue was a regular at the coffee shop jinny works at and they do chat a lot bc like. idc prue comes in on her lunch break or something to get away from bucklands and just chat blah blah blah they kind of become acquaintances where u barely know each other but r still homies and then prue kinda stops coming in and jinny’s like oh okay bummer ig but then like four weeks later prue shows up not remotely at her regular time with a camera bag slung over her shoulder and jinny’s like ??!!! okay spill and prue talks about how she quit her job at the auction house and is finally pursuing her dreams of photography and how liberated she feels blah blah blah prue & jinny talk about the concept of freedom with jinny definitely having her takes we’ll say prue has an art show with her photography and tells jinny about it jinny of course brings her girlfriend paige bc paige is also an artist they get all dolled up for the art show blah blah blah and they even like idk buy one of prue’s photos and have it in their apartment bc like again paige is an artist i think her apartment would be filled with a lot of art. paige even briefly talks with the photographer herself - what an interesting woman! and at some point in 2001 prue stops coming to the coffee shop and jinny wonders what happened to her but accepts that she’ll never really find out and doesn’t worry about it too much maybe she moved somewhere new and is taking amazing photos & living her best life. at least that’s what jinny hopes. flash forward to paige and jinny minding their own business in their apartment when piper and phoebe kick down the door like power of three spell now we need electricity come on lets go! and stop dead in their tracks bc that photo over the dining room table. where did you get that photo. and paige is like we bought it at an art show and jinny’s like yeah the artist used to get coffee at the place where i work and piper and phoebe are like that’s prue’s photo. that’s that is a photo prue took that’s her work and paige’s mind is kinda reeling bc holy shit she like. she met prue before. and she didn’t remember til now but she met her and they talked about their favorite artistic inspirations and the studio where they were both taking self defense classes at at the time and she had talked she had met prue before. prue had liked her. she had met her sister.