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#and during CoAi week too when I don’t want to think about any of my fics besides Critical
letstrywritingmaybe · 9 months
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Shiho lets Shinichi bejeweled 💎✨💖
Shiho doesn’t keep Shinichi locked in the basement over his love of mysteries~
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multiply014 · 5 years
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Accomplice (2/?)
Again, Happy ShinAi Day, everyone!
This isn’t really ShinAi, but I wrote this chapter to Accomplice to start off the prompt posts for my 31 Days of CoAi project! If you haven’t seen my meta post yet:
I will be posting very short fics daily from 4/2 to 4/30! (tag: x prompt fills)
If you’re interested in my ramblings about the CoAi fics I’ve written, I’ll be talking about them one at a time daily from 4/1 to 5/1! (tag: x fic posts)
And, finally, on 5/1, I will be posting One Chilly Morning, which is the third chapter to One Rainy Afternoon, to end my 31 Days of CoAi project… 
This month will be a ride, for sure! As much as I’ve expressed how incredibly painful preparing this project for me is, it has been loads of fun for me to express my love for CoAi, and in such a grandiose manner too!
I think I consider this project my love letter to CoAi. I’m a sucker for the romantic, sorry, haha!
I hope everyone enjoys it, too, to the very end!
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31 Days of CoAi Prompt Fill 1 of 31
Accomplice
Fandom (Pairing): DCMK (CoAi) (KaiShi) Title: Accomplice Summary (Word Count): AU where there is no APTX, and the partner became the accomplice. (2493+?) Links: Also on AO3 and FF. Part 1 is also on Tumblr (tag: x dcmk accomplice)
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“This is the fifth time you hit me, detective!”
As what’s becoming usual between the two of them, Kudo Shinichi ignores Kid’s complaints as he chases Kid across a maze of hallways and stairways, this time in the TV station building where Kid nicked the showpiece during live broadcast.
The way this Kid is much more talkative tells Shinichi the thief he’s been chasing for the past heists is Thief Kid. Only Thief Kid.
And that pisses Shinichi off more than he’d like. Is Thief Kid thinking he can just pull off whatever he wants against him without the assistance he’s particularly proud of?
Shinichi can’t deny Thief Kid did manage to escape last time. And the other time. And that other time, too. But that’s in the past. The present is much more important because in the present he’s been leading Thief Kid into a dead end and he’s been wonderful in cooperating so far.
Yes, a dead end that does not include rooftops, nor windows and, even, vents.
All this while kicking various office property at Thief Kid that he swears is necessary for him to be able to lead Kid into his setup. Yes, all necessary. He can’t help that he has just that good aim since he’s just that good at soccer, and that Thief Kid can’t dodge completely right?
As Thief Kid leaps to the right after Shinichi kicks a trash can to his left, smoothly going into the room Shinichi has been steering him into since the chase began, he shouts, “Will you stop being so violent if I answer one question of yours?”
Shinichi enters the room in a beat, and excited as he is with his plans falling into place, he doesn’t even think before he asks, “You’re alone this time?”
In the middle of the room, Thief Kid is stunned into silence for more than a second, and Shinichi feels seeing the expression is so gratifying... until Thief Kid laughs. As much as Shinichi wanted to remain unaffected, the corners of his mouth turn down, uncontrollably, to an unmistakable grimace.
They stay like that for a short moment, Shinichi blocking the only exit to the room and Thief Kid cackling while holding his sides, in full of view of the unamused detective in front of him.
Thief Kid, after laughing for a good while, wheezes, “...That’s it? That’s the question?”
Shinichi’s scowl grows deeper in reply.
Thief Kid, as chatty as he’s proven to be these past heists and as shameless as Shinichi had always assumed him to be, continues, “Are you trying to pick me up? Or are you trying to pick me up?! Oh, another misguided youth, you wouldn’t be able to handle me! To be honest, the safer option is to fancy the good ol’ me in front of you! Oh, but then, dear, why so violent! You must be gentle when courting! That must be why you’re still single, detective...”
Not even bothering to focus on whatever nonsense Thief Kid has been spouting, Shinichi backs up a few steps to end up just outside the doorway, and proceeds to kick the bin nearby in a perfect trajectory to Thief Kid’s incessantly babbling mouth.
Thief Kid deftly sidesteps to avoid the projectile, all the while dramatically intoning, “Whoa, whoa, detective, keep that up and you’ll chase me away! I’m not an M, really, I’m actually pretty vanilla! I prefer the traditional way of courting—”
With a snappy kick to the top of the bin that had fallen off, Shinichi manages to hit him right on his arm this time, and Thief Kid yelps, “—Ouch!”
“Hey! Ok, ok, I’m alone today! Tch!”
Seemingly soured by another arm injury, Thief Kid throws a familiar canister hard on the spot on the floor between the two of them almost petulantly—but Shinichi is prepared. He quickly wears the mask he had Hakase make and rushes Thief Kid.
He’s just four—no, three big steps away from Thief Kid, and then he feels a prick right smack in the middle of his forehead. He feels his senses fade, and the foot he had raised in an effort to take an even larger stride to handcuff Thief Kid lands on the floor without strength, and he falls, face down.
“This is going to cost me big...” is what Shin hears over the hissing of the cloudy white gas from the canister, which is evidently not the sleep gas he had been preparing for.
The last thing he hears is a big sigh before everything cuts to black, and it frustrates Shinichi that he knows exactly why this feels like déjà vu.
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When the next Kid heist comes around, Shinichi’s face is set to such a grim expression that even Nakamori-keibu is apprehensive about going near him, much less ask him why.
Shinichi doesn’t notice the dark aura arising from him though. He’s mentally going through his plans and their preparations, watching the clock as the seconds tick closer and closer to the announced time.
Still, whatever his plans and how intricate they may be, Shinichi certainly didn’t expect that before the heist has even started, he’ll find himself blacking out already.
And out cold he is, with a handful of seconds to spare before the clock rang out the time.
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As soon as Shinichi regained consciousness, his resentment overrode his survival instincts and, without even taking note of his state and his surroundings, he immediately forces out the words, “Is this a thing, you rendering me unconscious?”
“Hit him again and I’ll make sure you won’t be able to move a single limb for a week,” is what he hears before he can even regain his focus.
It’s that flat voice, familiar in its tone, at the same time unfamiliar due to the high, decidedly feminine, pitch it now has, that responded to him.
It’s him—or her, Escape Kid. Shinichi feels a bit of pride, being able to force both Kids to act against him.
But then again, he can’t exactly gloat right now since there’s a dangerous intent emanating, not so much dripping killing intent, but enough menace to know Escape Kid fully intends to go through his threats.
And he can’t even lift his head nor open his eyes yet to see just where he’s been dragged off to.
Quite possibly, and correctly, expecting him to stay silent in his disorientation, Escape Kid continues, “I trust you’re smart enough to understand with just one warning, detective. Because I only warn once.”
Shinichi hears a rustle of clothes and shuffling of feet, and he deduces that Escape Kid is about to leave. Escape Kid stops a moment though, and Shinichi hears them say, “And. Not that he’d need me to outwit idiots… but he’s not alone. So since you aren’t any help, stop messing with us. Else—”
“—You’ll knock me out at every heist. How very imaginative of you, and how very unlike a criminal,” Shinichi croaks, with as much ridicule as he can, cutting them off as he struggles to sit up, tied up as he is.
“So noble,” he continues, hoping it drips with as much sarcasm as he intended that to have. He can finally open his eyes a bit, the light flooding his sight, surprisingly, since he expected to be locked in a dark room, even when he’s managed to open them in just tiny slits.
“Clearly I’m the villain here, and it’s Kid, innocent Kid, who must be protected at all costs—” Shinichi stops suddenly when he manages to successfully lift his head and he finally sees his kidnapper: brunette—no, that’s not the right shade—locks, mostly hidden by a black cap, tied in a low ponytail, in a black bodysuit and tight-fitting black pants, with a plain tactical belt laden with pouches, boots securely tied, eyes that, though blocked by the cap, he can feel literally and figuratively looking down at him, a murderous looking smirk that chills his bones—
“Yes, yes, detective dear, I must be protected at all costs! I am the clearest, most precious, gem, the purest white pearl of the deep blue sea, the paragon of innocence! I’m just a kid after all!”
The room that had dropped several degrees in temperature returns to normal the moment Thief Kid started his boisterous entrance. Shinichi turns his head to see the familiar gaudy white outfit, cape swishing as if to emphasize his unending droll claims to virtue.
Upping the level of absurdity, Thief Kid, hands on his hips, goes on to say, “On the other hand… you! I was wondering where my persistent suitor was and I go and find him cheating with you!”
Escape Kid’s smirk had long gone from her face. Now a small amused smile has taken its place, as she says, “I knew he was your type. You would never have put up with him otherwise.”
“Hey! I missed you too, don’t be jealous now... After all," Thief Kid clears his throat, "I’m not alone, right?”
“… You..!”
“Heh, the queen has issued her decree! By her majesty’s orders, I can be injured no more!”
“… Calling you a birdbrain would insult the birds, really…”
“If her majesty would give me her hand, I would love to whisk her away from this dull and gloomy place, very unfitting of her personality as bright and sunny as—”
“Shut up. Let’s go, idiot.”
“Aye! By your leave, madame!”
Shinichi finds that he doesn’t have the words to describe what he’d just been audience to, except, maybe, a romcom skit starring a brazen flirt and an overprotective tsundere..?
Thief Kid’s voice blasts through his thoughts though, as he calls out, “Hey, I just saved you from the devil’s wrath; you owe me one, detective!’
Shinichi, having done nothing but lie down then sit in who knows how long, finds himself feeling incredibly tired already throughout the whole affair. Since he still can’t move his arms and legs, he can only reply, “I owe you. Really.”
In contrast to Shinichi’s I-might-as-well-be-lying-in-a-ditch-since-I-can’t-do-anything-like-this mood, Thief Kid is in high spirits, answering in an almost too-bright tone, “Was that your attempt at sarcasm? Anyway, yep, you do! You really wouldn’t want to know what she can and would do. See you! Someday, maybe, you can make it up to me and her royal highness. Until then, you’re in my debt!”
Shinichi feels this the most radiant he’s ever seen Thief Kid, even as he scrambles out the door, shouting after Escape Kid...
… Leaving him with a temporarily paralyzed body, bruised ego, confusion, and, if he’s being honest, keyed up anticipation over the next heist.
Except he’s not being honest, so he settles for annoyance and curses both Thief Kid and “her royal highness” under his breath.
I only warn once, your ass.
You owe me, your ass.
Meanwhile, two figures escape with the stolen scepter, unbothered and uninjured.
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Check out my 31 Days of CoAi series on AO3 for a better formatted information on my project!
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multiply014 · 5 years
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Wherever (2/2)
I thought I’d have this up before the year ended but, well, here we are, ha ha ha.
With this, one promised extra chapter down, many more impulse promises to fulfill… Oh well, I dug this pit on my own… TAT
Also, if you could drop an ask, it would really brighten up my day! It doesn’t have to be about anything, really, I’m just lonely, haha! As always, thank you for reading! (ノ´ヮ`)ノ*: ・゚
Fandom (Pairing): DCMK (CoAi) Title: Wherever Summary (Word Count): How can you protect someone thousands of miles away? (3662) Links: AO3 and FF
Part 1 | Part 2 (Current)
Days pass by quietly—as quiet as life with Shinichi Kudo can be. That is, to say, it’s not really peaceful, but it isn’t really all that different from how the past few weeks have gone: a mix of school, cases, trips and more cases.
That doesn’t mean it’s been exactly the same though. Aside from the obvious difference that is the addition of a Miyano Shiho in class (and in their, Ran and Shinichi’s, daily routine, Ran’s mind unnecessarily adds), Shinichi just seems... brighter. He’s as lively as before he pulled the whole on-and-off disappearing act for an entire year, but now just a notch more carefree, open and teasing. There’s also a whole new level of sarcasm and dry wit about him, though Ran has this niggling feeling that he doesn’t always throw replies laced in, what she thinks is light-hearted, mockery, only when—only when what? (Ran decides to think about that more tomorrow.) At the same time though, he’s much more laidback, and she can see in his shoulders that have lost their weeks’ worth of tension that there’s a particular aura of security that’s enveloping him.
But those are the little things that only Ran can see. If Sonoko were asked—and Ran did, of course—nothing’s really changed. Ran can’t blame Sonoko, since, after all, she hadn’t been there when Shinichi looked like a ghost, or someone soon to be a ghost, frozen at the doorstep of the Kudo mansion. Now, he’s nearly blindingly bright. Thinking back to Shinichi’s empty gazes out the window before a certain event happened (Shiho arrived, her mind uncooperatively supplies), it’s almost scary how quick the change was completed. As if the period of time where Shinichi just looked so lost, and empty—which she now refers to as Those Months—didn’t happen at all.
Shinichi is back to being his normal self. Well, as normal as he can be, and, again, she finds that this normal Shinichi isn’t exactly the same as before. It’s a novel experience, acting like an observer. Well, that’s not really true… Ran isn’t entirely new on being the sidelines—she had done so after all during Those Months, but during Those Months, she had been an observer of one. Now, she’s an observer of two. And she can’t help it, she can’t help but notice. Shinichi sitting beside Shiho. Shinichi eating beside Shiho. Shiho trailing behind Shinichi as he walks. Shinichi adjusting his pace and sliding beside her the moment he notices, which happens almost the instant she starts slowing down. Their shared glances. Their shared smirks. Their banter.
During normal days, only she can tell the difference. After all, all three of them are in the same class, eat lunch together, walk the same road home together. She can’t help their class seating arrangement, but Ran eats her lunch beside Shinichi as well, the three of them forming a row, engaged in comfortable, light conversation about classes and classmates and teachers and schoolwork. During lunch, and on their way home, the conversation they share naturally includes her and her reactions, Shiho using her hand to cover the smile that tells of her increasing amusement as she struggles to keep a straight face whenever Ran gets so close to kicking Shinichi unconscious. Sonoko teases her when she asks if there’s anything different—Ran, you’re just getting territorial over your husband! Just get back together, honestly! But, then again, she thinks that maybe, maybe, it really is just her being over-sensitive. Perhaps, perhaps, she is just unused to being in a group of three.
But when Shinichi comes across a case, which, of course, he often does, the difference becomes so glaringly obvious that she wonders how the others are so blind. Shiho disappears as soon as Shinichi disappears. Or, when she doesn’t disappear, she knows exactly where he is or what he’s doing. She stays back most of the time, usually leaning on a wall or casually looking at trinkets or details in the background. But, when things get heated, she’ll appear at his side in a moment. During these moments, Shinichi barks orders in short, sometimes unfinished, sentences, and she sometimes doesn’t react, but everything gets done in a beat anyway. Shinichi doesn’t look back once. And then, once the case comes to a close—dangers had all passed, his deductions relayed to the officers—he turns and walks a few steps back from where he had been, exactly beside where Shiho will be. And Ran might not be the brightest but she can definitely tell, he doesn’t look because he doesn’t need to.
Of course, of course, Shinichi has changed. A person doesn’t stay the same all their life. And she can see, he’s grown up. And perhaps that’s the biggest reason for his change, and she’s happy for him, for his growth, but—but, how come? How can Shiho seamlessly integrate into this new world of Shinichi’s? And she gets this funny feeling that it’s not even Shiho attempting to—she gets the impression that Shinichi is simply letting his world run with her already in it.
It’s their world.
So, she waits. She waits for Shinichi to tell her: who is she? Who is she to you? This question, she finds she can’t ask him herself. She doesn’t really want to think why right now. She doesn’t really want to think why in the foreseeable future either.
It makes sense that if she can’t ask him, she should consider asking her. One afternoon, after Shinichi successfully convinced Shiho again to go out with the girls “and actually be a highschooler”, and Sonoko rallied the group to ban Shinichi from tagging along this time after Shiho kindly reminded her that they would benefit from avoiding coming across a corpse, she finds herself alone with Shiho in the classroom while everyone else is chasing Shinichi away for them outside. She knows he probably bribed Shiho again to go, having watched their quiet banter by Shiho’s desk from her seat shortly before the chaos, and having seen Shinichi’s changing expressions: from teasing, to fond exasperation, then to fake resignation, and, there it had been again, that smirk they share.
Ran finds herself looking at Shiho’s direction. She silently observes Shiho, who is currently moving with a calm and grace that Ran personally thinks is somehow wasted on the simple chore that is clearing her desk and packing up her things. The moment she’s done, she lifts her head and her gaze instantly locks with Ran, who suddenly feels as if she’s been caught doing something bad.
Before Ran can even think of dissolving the tension, though, Shiho has already spoken, “Sorry, Ran-san, I’ve made you wait.“
The sunlight on her hair and the tiny apologetic smile on her face jolts Ran to automatically reply, “Oh, oh, it’s nothing!”
Maybe she heard the stammer in Ran’s reply, or maybe the loud beating that has somehow filled Ran’s ears has reached the now too empty, too quiet classroom, but Shiho must have picked up something for her to ask, “...Is there something?”
Who are you? Ran wanted to ask, but she suddenly found that she couldn’t bring herself to ask her either.
And so, they simply continue standing in their places. In Ran’s silence, there must have been something again which prompted Shiho to say, ”I’m just a friend, Ran-san.” Ran admittedly did not know how long the silence lasted before Shiho had said—
What? Wait, what?
Is she a mind reader? Ran’s eyes widen. She’s confused—had she asked the question out loud after all? And then her mind parses what had just been said: a friend, is what she had said, but if you are just a friend then what am I?
“Hmm, I don’t know how to explain it, Ran-san, just that you don’t need to worry. He is my friend, as I am his.” She quickly adds, “His friend, I mean.”
She’s a mind reader, Ran concludes, because she is a hundred percent sure she did not say anything just now. Her mind goes back on track in a moment: Shiho’s words echo, you don’t need to worry. It isn’t like she doesn’t see Shiho’s casual avoidance, like she’s making way for the two of them, for Ran and Shinichi. If there’s anything Ran has noticed about Shiho, it’s that she has this odd habit of gradually slowing down her pace or moving a few steps back once some kind of moment passes, making Ran feel like there’s an imaginary line somewhere that she has drawn and doesn’t dare cross. Of course, Shinichi doesn’t know, or doesn’t care. 
Either way, it really isn’t her fault that Shinichi practically gravitates towards her. That’s how it is from Ran’s point of view anyway, and, wow, just thinking about it kind of felt bitter. Her mind unhelpfully adds that they’re not even in that kind of relationship anymore, so there isn’t any real need for this bitterness, for these questions, and for any explanations. And of course that makes her feel even more bitter—
“And I am yours as well.” Shiho’s clear voice brings her attention back to the classroom. Now, she can see Shiho’s warm eyes on her, and she just feels so guilty, so, so guilty that she would even harbor the slightest bit of bad feelings towards this girl. It is just too obvious that she’s usually cold from her few attempts to be cordial, but she does it anyway, tries to be at least less chilly, more lukewarm to other people.
Somehow, she remembers her first meeting with Kazuha-chan.
Shiho continues, “If you’ll have me, of course.” The smile doesn’t leave her face. Her warmth, when facing Ran, is real and natural and it always makes Ran wonder if they’ve met before. For now, though, Ran doesn’t dwell on it, instead nodding and almost shouting an, “Of course!”
Ran idly thinks that she must have done something special in her last life for her to be special to this special person with a beautiful smile on her face, now a bit wider, as she now asks Ran if they should go together to meet the others now.
She agrees.
They walk together in companionable silence. Surprisingly, Ran finds that the unease in her heart for the past weeks had somehow calmed. She is aware that although the question she had not asked had received some kind of reply, in the end, it did not get answered, not in the way it mattered, at least. She knows it will return to plague her mind again, but for now... For now, she gained a friend. Or, rather, she felt like a dark fog had been lifted from her, allowing her to see that for the past days, beside her is a friend, her friend.
It doesn’t take long for two of them to reach the rest. Waiting for them outside are the clearly triumphant group of girls, seeing that Shinichi is nowhere to be found in the vicinity. She catches herself sneaking a peek at Shiho, and she herself is unsure why she’s even doing so. Shiho turns to look at her and their eyes meet. Almost in sync, the two of them smile. Ran smiles, feeling giddy at the release of some of the stress she had unknowingly taken on for so long. And Shiho smiled… why? Ran doesn’t have an idea, but she isn’t compelled to ask. They’re friends after all, so she’s sure she’ll have time to get to know why. Right now, it just feels amazing, and she can’t help but smile wider. Maybe, later, she’ll think about it. 
For now, though, they have a festival to prepare for.
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multiply014 · 5 years
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Spell (4/26): Drop
This is the Spell entry in which I try to tie up all the entries together so far, and send more abuse towards poor Shinichi's way.
I thought I'd be able to finish more than one chapter, but no... welp. I'll try to have a chapter up from my list of WIPs every 1-2 weeks, try being the operative word, ha ha!
As always, my askbox on tumblr is open, and thank you for reading! The next Spell entry will be... someday... maybe...
Here’s Entry D : Drop.
Fandom (Pairing): DCMK (CoAi) Title: Drop Summary (Word Count): The first thing he notices, as in all his other dreams, is her. (1857) Links: Entry on AO3 and FF Entries collected as a series on AO3
A | B | C | D (Current) | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Z
D : Drop
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Shinichi’s dreams are plagued with an unending sequence of Haibara marching to her death in an assortment of ways. After all, in the time they had been together, they had faced death countless times. They had always pulled through, though, even in that one case when he’d thought he’d lost her. But not in his dreams.
Hmm, that one, he hasn’t dreamt of that one this month yet. He feels a morbid mix of excitement and fear—he can’t wait to hold her in his arms, can’t wait to talk to her, talk with her, about anything, about nothing, about everything, even if the conversation is just another rendition of the past, can’t wait to feel his tears in his cheeks again because he’s too tired and cried out outside his dreams. But he isn’t thrilled about seeing her bloodied body, hearing the faint rasps in her voice as she speaks until there’s just him and the silence and the cold, cold fear. He’s terrified. He doesn’t forget the feeling of a gaping hole in his body, eating him, widening itself, as she talks about inanities like doctors and breakfast, about idiocy and gratitude, in a voice that sounds like she’s going farther and farther away, and he’s powerless, and then—and then he wouldn’t be able to hear anything, because she didn’t, couldn’t speak.
They survived that. But in his dreams, it always ends right after she closes her eyes.  
He knows, of course, that it isn’t real, that these are only dreams. Even in his dreams he could not save her.
Oh, that’s right, then these must be called nightmares.
—Ah, but then he can see her here. That alone instead makes it a dream.
Rather than the cold tiled floor of one of the many similar-looking laboratories, however, his dream tonight finds himself bent over the edge of a cliff at the side of a small forest clearing.
The first thing he notices, as in all his other dreams, is her.
Haibara. Her eyes are wide open and bright, closing only when a particularly strong gust blows her bangs, her hair, into disorder. Her lips, previously in a tight line in exertion, had already morphed into a smile, mocking as always, but a chuckle escapes her when the wind had calmed. Even after reliving this moment again and again in his dreams, Shinichi still doesn’t know why she had laughed—a Haibara chuckle was as good as a normal person’s laugh—but he’s working on making himself believe it’s because of relief. Because of him.
Well, it’s only logical. If a person was seconds away from hurtling off the cliff to the raging currents of the rapids below, only for said person’s wrist to be caught by said person’s partner thereby preventing the fall, wouldn’t they feel relieved?
As it is currently, Shinichi, as Conan, is bent over a cliff tightly grasping Haibara’s left wrist as she dangles precariously midair.This is so twisted, he thinks, when he feels his heart speed up as she opens her eyes and looks at his, as the warmth from her wrists seep into his palms and, just, inside, where he’s just been so cold.
He remembers this case, and he remembers his heart going into overdrive as well then, but instead it had been from the adrenaline of the just concluded suspect chase and almost-confrontation, and from the danger that had yet to pass. Her right arm had been broken during the faceoff, where, instead of chasing Shinichi, the suspect had zoned in on Haibara who, of course, had the luck to choose a path that leads to a dead-end. In true Haibara fashion, she had been able to cling to the protruding rocks on the underside of the cliff after being thrown off while the culprit hurriedly ran off to hunt Shinichi. Just as her hand had begun to slip, Shinichi had caught her wrist, thankfully finding her in time due to the blood trail.
He remembers straining to pull her up, but his limbs had been injured too, and the medical team that had attended to him after the wrap-up had told him then that it was nothing short of a miracle that he’d been able to hold anything, much less a child’s weight, for any amount of time at all. And so, he remembers failing to pull her up, having a difficult time even just holding on, both of them stuck in a limbo, with the balance quickly tipping towards the rapids and not towards safety.
His dreams, of course, are painfully faithful to his memories, and this dream is the same: her injuries are there, his injuries are there, and thus, his failures are there. And she would notice, like she noticed then, that Shinichi was getting closer and closer to the edge and off the cliff with her. And she would decide, just like she decided then, to raise her broken arm to struggle off his grasp and fall alone. The smile on her face is the same as ever.
Another struggle, and this is where he says—
”I will never let you fall! Never!”
He remembers shouting the lines the first time with irritation, desperation, pain. Now, in his dreams, he speaks them, almost whispers them, like a promise. A broken one, he thinks, and he’s filled with so much longing and yearning so out of place in the current predicament, and it suffocates him. Why did he have to dream this tonight, why this one, when they talk so little in this moment, when the moment ends too quickly as she falls and he’s left with nothing, nothing, nothing but an empty room and a hole in his chest because he’d failed again—
“Oh, detective, but you already did.” Her faint whisper starts the countdown to her third struggle, that leads to her fall, alone. Each time he gets to this part, he wonders if this memory is his mind or his heart at work. Had she really said it?
Louder now, she practically orders him, “Find me.” Her smile widens just a bit.
In his memories, he recalls panicking. He had stumbled over his words then, frantically shouting “No! No, no, you can’t survive a fall this high!”
“Want to bet?” was her only reply then, with a challenging look so misplaced in a tiny body in tattered clothes and bloody arms. “Don’t be stupid—HAIBARA!” He had screamed then, completely uncaring if the suspect were to find him and just push the both of them off.
He says none of those things now though, and in the silence, the Haibara in the dream skips to the part he hates the most. She swings her arms and slips out of his grip, slackened due to the strain and made easier by the blood and sweat in his hands and her arms. She drops to the rapids, the sickening splash too loud for his ears, even when he shouldn’t have been able to hear past the current.
It is usually at this point that he wakes, or he transitions into another memory, another scene of Haibara dying. He idly imagines what’s next—is it the burning cabin? That would be nice, he gets to see Shiho. Or, the burning stockroom? Perhaps, the top floor of the skyscraper? He hasn’t had that dream for awhile, maybe this time he can quickly deviate from the script—he’d be the one to drag her to the car this time.
But he doesn’t. He doesn’t wake, nor does he find himself in another place in his dream. He’s still on the cliff, and he—he lets a minute pass, then two. After what feels like five minutes pass, he bursts into a run, as fast as his injured legs can take him, towards where she would be, in his memories.
Does this mean he can save her this time? Can he see her again? Is she alive, in this version of his memory?
He moves to find her, of course he knows where. His mind hasn’t let him forget how he found her at the bank just right after the bend in the rapids with glazed eyes, taking shallow breaths.
He also remembers how he’d searched for her halfway around the globe only to come back with nothing; his deductions and instinct had failed him. Would his dream let him find her this time? Where is she?
He’d always managed to find her, in the station, in the cabin, in the room; he had always managed to read her, in the bus, in the train. But now, where is she? Where is she?
His feet are heavy, but he tries to keep his pace anyway, and soon, he arrives at the place where he’s supposed to find her. He feels his heart squeeze the instant he sees a figure lying on the ground. She’s here. Is it wrong to think that he feels as if he’s in a dream, when he’s actually in a dream? He doesn’t delve into it too much—the only person he’d be able to debate it with is currently on the ground wheezing.
She’s here. She’s here.
She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s here. “So what do I win?” She croaks the question out as soon as she hears his movement slowly approaching her from the forest. It’s the exact same line she had used then, to let him hear her, and he had rushed then to her side as soon as he did. He had been shaking then, and now, too, because he’s just—completely overwhelmed that this dream continued and let him find her, alive, breathing, rasping out the infuriating words even when, in this dream, she hadn’t actually been able say the words that provoked him to a bet that he didn’t have any choice in entering, that he wouldn’t want to win anyway.
He doesn’t know what’s so different about tonight that made his dreams finally turn into actual dreams—she’s not dead this time, she let me find her this time, she—she’s right here.
He doesn’t trust himself to speak. Maybe, if he says the words he had said then, the dream will end. And so, he keeps his mouth shut and instead, he hugs her tight.
The contact is probably hurting her, given her injuries, since he, himself, can feel his body breaking at the force he’d used to hold her. But he’s here. And she’s here. And he has never felt so content, has never felt the warmth coursing through him in ages, has never had his senses filled with her in forever.
When he feels her hands on his back, hugging him back, his eyes fly open. The forest is gone, the river is gone, she is gone. The wetness from his eyes is all too real, and he can almost feel her warmth as it quickly fades from his body, together with the tears that escape him after so, so long.
He’s awake, and only a cold room and a hangover greet him.
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