#and desert bluffs would be *chefs kiss* | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baptst · 2 years

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okay here's what i hone in on most in the absolution novel

firstly all the w’s the cult keeps getting from the absolute START is just so funny to me lmaooo. just when you think a member of the resistance is about to one up the cult, you are slammed right back into the ground and told no. it really hammers in on the concept that nothing you do changes anything.

john apparently has a lil house/space on joseph’s island for atonements and a whole ass room with human skin stapled to the walls. so he just,,, does this shit wherever lmao. his ranch, the bunker, the compound. i'd had a feeling he would have kept the sins Somewhere and i’m glad my hunch was correct. It makes sense for it to be on the island too. it’s the cult epicenter, so to speak. it’s where joseph’s main church is (though there were others before hand dotted throughout hope county) newbies would probably be indoctrinated there too.

secondly, miss holly. she was helpful to the cult throughout, but she still openly blabbed to will about 1) sleeping with john and 2) that john was saying shit to her WAY above her pay grade that he absolutely should not be telling her. she’s huge a liability, no matter how much she believes in their cause or tried to help after will deserted them. she’s also never mentioned again outside of that once in game instance so it’s safe to say she’s dead for security reasons.

john is such a master puppeteer like,,, if he didn’t love joseph so much my mans could easy take over and run shit himself (i mean,, he kind of is already. eden’s gate wouldn’t be anything without his expertise and financial aid) john manipulates the situation with mary may and drew, using his murder to blackmail her into silence, should she ever try to rise against them again. pre-reaping john is an absolute force to be reckoned with, even more so than in game. he’s super talky in game but i would have loved to hear more from him, especially in a setting of atonement. as seen in the snippets i shared a few days ago he is just flawless in the way he speaks and pulls you in. he uses everything he can about you against you in a way that can either feel sadistic or compassionate. it’s *chefs kiss*

as i said in my last post, i love that john’s out doin’ shit in the woods. we know he’s a busy bee anyway since he’s basically the cult’s spokesperson and going door to door trying to buy up every property in HC. it’s just nice to actually hear about him doing this shit.

also will’s still out there in the wilds. it would have been kind of fun to run into him in some capacity, like finding one of his camps. i know you can visit his old house tho (which they’ve called traitors bluff) which is something at least. considering he was slowly succumbing to some illness in the novel, he might not have survived long enough to see the collapse. if he did he would have been far enough into the mountains to get vaporized instantly.

#OUT.#today's been crazy busy so this is all over the place and not as detailed as i would have liked #might expand on things More Later <3 #but here we go it was a funky good time #i wish i hadn't listened to the audiobook bc my mans sounded too much like johnny cash and now i'm struggling #me: joseph and john would never use those inflections SIR #tbd.

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all-hail-i-guess · 3 years

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Ok WTNV doesn't get enough love/attention anymore so it's time for a mass appreciation/here's what you're missing post, please add on. Also, I'll try to avoid big spoilers but we'll see.

Diversity? Everywhere? Gender, sexuality, age, religion, race (somewhat up to speculation because no canon physical description, but we know some)

Functional relationships? Of all kinds? Carlos and Cecil is just *chefs kiss*, they clearly have a functional family going on (post Spy in the Desert included) and are also just so adorable.

And Kevin! His arc, and the relationships he gets to parallel Cecil and his (also ep 73 guys, come on).

The plot points that come back? Remember that plane we hear about back in the first episode? Yeah that's a thing. The Angels get some attention too.

Kinda a spoiler, but Khoshekh gets kittens! Just adorable!

Can we talk about Steve Carlsburg? I wanna talk about Steve Carlsburg guys. The character development both he and Cecil go through is beautiful.

Old Woman Josie, guys. I'll just leave that there (eps 103/104)

Just the huge cast of characters in general? We learn about so many people and in a way that makes us care about them, and they're as real as Cecil or Carlos.

Also, the balance of absurd and serious is so well done. I'm laughing my ass off every time the dog park is mentioned, or during...I mean any of the segments, community calendar, messages from sponsors, whatever. I also nearly sobbed listening to 149, which was interesting as I was on a walk.

On a less serious but also very genuine note, I desperately need to know what the FUCK is up with Cecil. Like, he can remember when Old Woman Josie...was a young girl? And he sounded the exact same back then?

Also the other towns? Like. Night Vale isn't isolated. There's weird stuff in Desert Bluffs, there's a town just full of ghosts (Pine Cliffs? Red Mesa? One of those).

Oh yeah and Desert Bluffs, Strex Corp. That's a whole thing.

Also the books! Are so good!

I love this world so much, it feels so real since we get so much information from so many different people and places. I would 100% drop everything to live in Night Vale, no questions asked.

Guys there's so much more, keep this going, spread it everywhere. Night Vale deserves all the love.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #cecil palmer #carlos #cecilos #wtnv kevin #desert bluffs #Khoshekh #steve carlsburg #strex corp #red mesa #pine cliffs

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the-poppy-outie-effect · 4 years

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GATHER ROUND, NIGHVALEANS AND DUCKTALEANS ALIKE

I PRESENT TO YOU ALL (dun dun dun DUN) THE WELCOME TO ST. CANARD AU

Okay listen, I was in the shower thinking about Steve Carlsberg, okay? This is all Steve's fault. Blame Steve for it. (jk pls don't, Steve deserves the world) Anyways, I was thinking about how Steve's voice sounds almost EXACTLY like Herb Muddlefoot. Not to mention that the dynamic between Steve and Cecil (pre-episode 110) was nearly the exact same as Herb and Drake's in the Darkwing Duck cartoon. Then I remembered the AU that I ran across in a Drakepad fic by NinjaLibrarian (thanks @paragons-saga for correcting me!) where Binkie was Drake's sister. And it all fell into place. Here's a quick rundown-

Drake Mallard (Cecil) is the 27 year old host of Welcome to St. Canard, a community radio show in St. Canard that is neither small, nor a desert town, but the sun is still hot, the moon is still beautiful, and there's still mysterious lights floating overhead while everyone pretends to sleep.

Drake absolutely has the classic Cecil Palmer wardrobe- orange golashes, cat ears, and all. You can fight me on this.

Launchpad McQuack (Carlos) is a quirky scientist who found his way into town one day. Now I know what you're going to say- Launchpad as CARLOS? But JUST LISTEN- Launchpad is capable of knowing a LOT about something if he cares about it. In 2017 Ducktales, LP obsessed over Darkwing Duck and, as such, knows everything there is to know about it. My thought is that if he found science as interesting as he finds Darkwing Duck, my boy would be the best in his field. Launchpad is NOT DUMB. If you even start to say that he is, I will snatch your kneecaps and ground them into a tasty stew. So basically, yeah. Launchpad McQuack is a scientist who comes to town one day stating that St. Canard is the most scientifically interesting town that he's ever seen. Drake, a gay disaster, reports over the radio that the newcomer has perfect hair and teeth like a military cemetary. Drake fell in love instantly.

Herb Muddlefoot (Steeeeve Carlsberg...) is Drake's brother-in-law, married to Drake's sister Binkie. Drake dislikes him almost immediately- not because he's done anything wrong, Drake just really does not like Herb. Drake had helped his sister (who he still didn't really get along with but, y'know, he loved her cause shes his sister) raise her two children, Tank and Honker, up until she met Herb. (Yes, I know Herb is the boys' biological father in the show, just roll with me). Drake felt like Herb had taken over his spot as sole male figure in Tank and Honker's lives and did NOT like that one bit.

Yeah, Gosalyn is there. For her, a lot is the same as in DWD I think. Famous scientist Grandfather who passes away. In this AU, however, what if LP knew her grandfather, worked with him? Launchpad was a good friend of Dr. Waddlemeyer and when he passed away, he took it upon himself to adopt his young granddaughter Gosalyn. When he moved to St. Canard, he took her with him. (I like this because in show Gos and LP come into Drake's life at the same time)

St. Canard is a weird ass town, a lot like Nightvale, just a bit different in some ways that I have not figured out yet. Gimme a break, I only thought this up half an hour ago.

Hamburger Hippo instead of Arby's

Negaduck is Kevin. The Negaverse is Desert Bluffs. Nuff said.

"I said whoever cut Launchpad's hair, your mom's a ho!"

That's all I can think of at the moment, PLEASE feel free to add on or write fanfiction for this AU!!!!! I think it's great (but also horrific) so idk, help feed my addiction

And if, say, AntWrites or NinjaLibrarian or Cinnabunni could write some fanfiction for this, that would be just *chef kisses*. I love you guys' fanfics, they give me a will to live

That said,

Good Night, St. Canard. Good night.

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canid-slashclaw · 4 years

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Pocket Raptor Surprise

The heat from the midday sun beat down relentlessly upon the parched soil of the Dry Step Mesas. Off in the distance, massive vines snaked their way up from a ravine that looked as if the surface of Tyria itself had cracked open releasing some ancient and malevolent force. For a certain pair of intrepid (and over fashionably-dressed) bounty hunters, such trivial things were the least of their concern.

Amalthia tilted her head back as she raised a metal canteen to her gaping maw then shook the container a few times before giving her human husband an apprehensive gaze.

“Kal?”

“Yeah, babe?” Kaleb replied as he noticed a decidedly scolding look on her face.

“Did you, like, happen to forget to bring some extra water rations after knowing full-well that we’d be trouncing around in a godsforsaken freakin’ desert?!”

“Um, no,” he said with a shrug. “Besides, wasn’t that your responsibility? You know-- taking care of provisions and all?” He, then, gestured to her with a pistol finger and wink.

His action only enabled his wife in unleashing both her inner, as well as outer, charr. “My responsibility? Are you freaking kidding me!? You damn know good and well that it is my job to maintain all the weaponry and your job to handle the other logistics… like keeping us fed and hydrated. After all, you are the chef de partie of our little outfit, right?”

“Woah, woah. Stop right there, miss pissykitty! Just ‘cause you have fangs, horns and a furry tail doesn’t automatically make you the only master-at-arms here. We’re a team, remember? It’s both our jobs to watch each others’ backs.” He stepped closer towards her offering his hand.

She looked away, bowed her head, sighed for a moment before looking back into his eyes then letting out a subdued growl. “Gah! You’ve got a point. Sorry, love. It’s just this heat is really putting me in a pissy mood.”

He gently clasped hold of her paw then gave her a kiss on her lower right ear. “I’m sorry too, babe. For being an idiot and all. Yeah. The forgetting the water thing? That’s totally on me.” Amalthia leaned her head into his, gave him a gentle nuzzle under his chin then licked him on the face. “Why yes it is. But I suppose I can find it in my heart to forgive you... this time. But piss me off again and you’ll find yourself greasing your own piston for at least the next six months.”

“Well that’s comforting to know. At least we can cling to each other until we succumb to dehydration and someone eventually finds our mummified remains lovingly wrapped in each others’ deathly embrace,” Kaleb said with a smile as he began to massage the back of her thickly muscled neck.

She looked lovingly into his brown eyes as a fangy smile flashed across her face. “Mister Grimwald – you have got to be the most wonderful bundle of human weirdness that I’ve ever come across. Okay… I think the heat is really getting to me now.”

“Why’d you say that?” Kaleb looked at her puzzled.

Her ears began to twitch. “Don’t you hear it? Oh wait… your hearing isn’t as sensitive as mine.”

“No. I do hear it. Oh wait… look!” He swung his head around suddenly then pointed towards what appeared to be a chicken-sized velociraptor. She turned and saw it as well.

“Hey little guy.” Kaleb reached into his coat pocket then pulled out a roll of dried meat as he began waving it at the small creature. The raptor cautiously backed away from him while making a high-pitched chirping noise. “I’ve got some jerky. Wanna try?”

Amalthia shook her head. “Um. I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kal.”

“Aww. C’mon, Ama. How bad can a little fella like this be?” Kaleb said as he pointed towards what appeared to be the creature’s nest. “Hey look. Eggs. If we take one each to nourish ourselves and save the rest, then maybe we can hatch them. Katie always wanted an unusual pet.”

His charr wife let out a more forceful growl this time. “No! We are not hatching anything that comes from this awful place. Remember why we came here -- for the bounties, right?”

Her husband huffed. “For the bounties. I got it. But, dammit Ama, we could raise a clutch of these and sell ‘em in Lion’s Arch for a fair amount of coin. I mean what kid wouldn’t want one of these for a pet?”

Shaking her head, Amalthia promptly reached into her husband’s rucksack then pulled out a field guide titled, Tyria’s Field Guide to Native Flora and Fauna Vol. IX. Using her long clawed index finger, she quickly thumbed through the pages until found what she was looking for.

“Let’s see. Raptors… raptors… Big, mean teethy, poison clawed… Oh. Here it is!” She looked up only to find that her husband had suddenly darted off towards one of the nests. As she watched him snatch up the eggs then put them into his rucksack, she began to read aloud what was in the guide. “Pauxillum fiken talus admorsus – or more commonly known as the Pocket Raptor, is a diminutive subspecies of the common featherbeak raptor and is almost exclusively found in the Heart of the Magumma Jungle and is… oh for Scorchgazer’s sake... are you even paying attention to me, Kal!?”

Her husband gave her a thumbs up even though he was still engrossed in gathering up more eggs from the nest.

“It says pocket raptors are vicious creatures that will bite your face off if half given the chance. So you’d better put those eggs back now before mamma comes back.” She angrily snapped the book closed then shoved it down into her pants pocket.

The mesa suddenly became alive with dozens of high-pitched chirping noises. As Kaleb stowed away the last of the eggs, he was immediately greeted by three more of the tiny raptors. Each of them tilted their heads trying to get him into their field of vision as they began moving towards him at an alarmingly brisk pace.

“Back away from them, Kal. Now!” Amalthia yelled just seconds before the trio lunged at her husband.

With reflexes rivaling those of a cat, Kaleb dodged the assault as the three little beasts leaped just inches above his face. Whirling around as fast as he could he pulled forth his revolvers, Sweet Pea and Lulu, then leveled the barrels at his attackers making sure that his wife was not in the line of fire. The bore of each pistol erupted in a plume of red-hot gas as two of the critters exploded into grizzly globs of flesh and guts; the demise of the third followed a split second later.

Amalthia drew a holosmithing sword from her waistband as her entire body became aglow in a brightly lit shroud of charged energy. Scores more of the creatures appeared from practically every nearby nook and cranny as they began swarming the couple from all angles. A series of deft swishes from her alighted blade reduced several of the vicious attackers to piles of dust as more of the ravenous critters quickly emerged to take the place of their fallen littermates.

“We’ve got to get the hell out of here!” His wife said as her energy shroud began to take on a faint red glow. “Either this asuratech, or my temper is gonna blow at any moment. And when it does, I promise it isn’t going to be pretty.”

Kaleb holstered his pistols then drew forth the greatsword that he had slung on his back. “Bob – time for some action!”

With a series of lightning fast strokes, Kaleb and ‘Bob’ managed to cleave dozens of the little beasts in two as he re-positioned himself in a back-to-back stance with his wife. Moving with an unspoken synchronicity, the husband and wife bounty hunter team hacked and slashed their way through the onslaught until they reached the relative safety of a nearby natural bridge.

Amalthia pointed towards a bluff in the distance. “Hey, look. A downed airship. I’m willing to bet there are some supplies up there, including water.”

Kaleb shook his head. “An airship? Damn, we must have overlooked it the first time around. How could we have missed seeing something that obvious?”

Amalthia laughed. “Because you, dear husband, were too damn busy picking up raptor eggs for your little pet menagerie.”

As the couple wandered closer, several figures began to emerged from atop the bluff. Clad in black and silver armor, the pair quickly realized the individuals were Pact soldiers who were most likely survivors of the airship crash.

“Ho there, stranger,” yelled the tallest Pact member who obviously looked to be a norn and, was in all probability, the leader of the group.

After they met up with the surviving Pact members, Kaleb and Amalthia pitched in to help set up a makeshift camp complete with a mess hall and cooking station. As Kaleb sat down and began guzzling down a huge stein of fresh water, the Pact leader sat down beside him and chuckled. “Word has reached my ears that your cooking skills are the stuff of legends. Thanks to you and your amazing, and also most unusual wife, my troops will enjoy the first good meal they’ve had in a good long time.” Kaleb smiled at the compliment. “Your ears wouldn’t be wrong. But the misses? She’s one helluva cook too, yanno. Not that I had anything to do with it, mind you.” The Pact leader let out a boisterous laugh as he gave Kaleb a hearty slap on the back. “By the spirits, you must be part norn. At least in heart anyway.”

“Chow had better be ready soon. Moog has been staring at me for the last hour. It is not that his staring alone that has me concerned so much as when he starts staring at the salad condiments then back at me that gives me some pause for concern. Not that I think he would actually do anything, mind you, but...” a sylvari Pact member said as he casually pointed towards his asura comrade.

“Oh please. Just looking at you gives me indigestion. Where is our sustenance?”

“Say please.” Amalthia’s voice chimed throughout the tent as she walked towards the table carrying a pan of what appeared to be full of some type of fluffy yellow substance. “Be careful. It’s very hot.” Kaleb looked at his wife and beamed. “Damn, babe! I can’t wait to try it.” She smiled back, her fangs showing. “And I can’t wait for you to try it, my love.”

Once the portions were doled out, everyone in the camp ate heartily then thanked Amalthia for the delicious meal. She sat down beside her husband and nestled her chin atop his head.

The norn Pact leader looked at the unusual couple and commented, “that whatever it was, was absolutely amazing! What did you call it, again?”

Both Kaleb and Amalthia said in union, a frittata.

The norn looked dumbfounded. “Oh. It tasted just like eggs.”

“That’s ‘cause frittatas are made with eggs,” Kaleb pointed out. Amalthia just nodded with a smiling closed-eyed grin.

“Oh. I see. That meal must have been truly magical because during the crash, our only container of poultry products was smashed against the rocks.”

Then it suddenly dawned on Kaleb. He turned around then looked his charr wife in her eyes then asked, “Ama?”

“Yes, Kal?”

“What did you use to make that frittata?”

She rolled her amber eyes, put a clawed index finger to her pursed lips then looked up for a moment before looking back at Kaleb. “Just what was on-hand. Why?”

“Eggs. Where did you get the eggs?” Kaleb demanded. The norn butted in. “Yes. Such a meal is deserving of a special name. Something memorable, something legendary!”

Amalthia scratched her chin for a moment before responding. “Something memorable... something legendary. Hmm. Let’s see -- I suppose the only thing one could possibly call it is...

...Pocket Raptor Surprise!”

#gw2 #gw2 fanfic #gw2 writing #guildwars 2 fanfic #guildwars 2 writing #the outliers #kaleb grimwald #amalthia steelblade #gw2 humor #gw2 fanfiction #tyriaslibrary

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