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duuhrayliegh · 3 years

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my hero - request

request: anon: hi could you write a sebastian x female reader fic where she suffers from anxiety and feels bad because of it but he comforts her and tells her there’s nothing wrong with her and how strong she is even though she has this disorder

pairing: sebastian stan x female!reader

warnings: self-esteem issues, anxiety, toxicity in the fandom, language?

a/n: hey nona! you weren’t super specific on what type of anxiety that you wanted to reader to have, so if this isn’t what you had in mind, lmk and i’ll write you another fic! other than that i hope you like it!

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!

xoxo ray

check out my m.list

You and Seb met at a coffee shop in New York. It was totally cliche and seemed straight out of a storybook. You had somehow managed to spill coffee on that specimen of a man, and he was kind enough to let you pay for his dry cleaning. Your relationship didn’t grow until you ran into him again while you were at a bar with your friends. If he had any say in telling the story of how you met, he spotted you from across the smoky bar and he knew then and there that he had to get to know you. Truthfully, you liked his version, but the real one was just indescribable. It seemed, to you at least, that you were destined to be with this man. Seeing him twice in one week? Come on, that’s possible if you were in the small town you grew up in, but not New York.

You obviously had recognized him as an actor, but really you didn’t care. That’s what drew Sebastian to you in the first place. You treated him as if he was any other guy on the street, he was able to be a normal person around you. Now, two years later, you lounge on the couch of your apartment in LA that you shared with the man you love. He’s still auditioning for any role that catches his eye and you’re supporting him no matter what.

His fans for the most part adored you and your relationship with Sebastian. The fans who didn’t like you were your only issue with this whole affair, but they had nothing to do with Sebastian other than flood his socials with nasty messages about you. You weren’t perfect, that you knew all too well, and you tried to let the comments roll off your shoulders. Most of the time you were successful in your efforts, but other times they clung to your skin like an unwanted disease.

Sebastian was currently promoting his new project Endings, Beginnings. You were so unbelievably proud of Seb, he was doing something that made him happy. In this particular film, he was acting alongside Shailene Woodley, who was just amazing. Seb always came home gushing about the new inside jokes that they had come up with. One of your favorite things that Seb did with you was run lines. You liked having the inside scoop on his new works, but this one was harder for you. It had quite a few sex scenes between Seb’s character Frank and Shailene’s Daphne.

Not that it bothered you. Nope. Didn’t bother you. At all.

...mmm, okay maybe it bugged you a little. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Sebastian, it was… well you couldn’t really describe what it was. Whatever the case may be, it was putting you deeper and deeper into a funk, one that you were having a hard time coming out of. And Seb’s fans who weren’t in your corner, weren’t really helping you any.

A few nights ago, Seb surprised you with a casual night out in LA. He texted you before he got home and told you that he was going to be taking you out. Did he give you a dress code for the evening? No, he did not (wonderful, thanks so much Seb). You decided to dress in a half business casual, half rail me when we get home outfit. You ended up wearing an adorable bustier top that was embroidered with pretty blue and pink flowers, a pair of destroyed jeans covered your legs. You finished it off with a pair of nude heels, when you looked in the mirror, you thought you looked hot as fuck. It was around seven when Seb picked you up, mouth hanging open, in awe of your outfit.

“Oh my god. You look so beautiful, Y/N.” He opened the passenger door of his car after he hugged you, giving you a small peck on the lips. Sebastian drove you to a restaurant a block off of Thai Town called Home Restaurant.

“Babe, this place is so cute!” You squeezed Sebastian’s upper arm, jumping up and down beside him. “How’d you find this place?” Sebastian shook his head, smiling at you.

“I asked Shai, actually.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, and your heart sank a little. Why did it do that? “She said that the paps hardly ever come around here.” He leaned down pressing a kiss to your temple. “I thought that draga mea deserved a quiet night out on the town.” His voice rasped as he spoke in his native tongue, making a shiver race down your spine.

“Well, tell her I said thank you.” You offered him a small smile. He wrapped his arm around your waist, drawing circles on the exposed skin above your jeans. He spoke with the hostess as your mind drifted away. You were pulled out of your thoughts when he guided you to your table. Sebastian sat across from you, staring deeply into your eyes. You brought your hand up to rest your chin on it, staring back at him. “How’s everything been going?” You were genuinely interested in the answer and it made your heart warm watching his face light up.

“It’s been going really well. Everyone we worked with was real nice, it made all the scenes more comfortable.” Seb’s eyebrows rose at the mention of the scenes and you knew which ones he was referring to.

“Oh, right.” You tried not to let your emotions show.

“Yeah, we’re about to start teasing some of them to promote the show.” Seb sighed at the thought of having to use social media, you shook your head at him.

“I’ll help you with it, you dork.” You laughed to hide your discomfort. “Which scene did they approve for the posts?” Sebastian began to speak when he was interrupted by your waitress. After the two of you ordered your food, the waitress returned with your drinks. Sebastian took a large gulp of his before answering your previous question.

“They want me to post the trailer and then the scene between Frank and Daphne at the bar.” You tried to think back to the script, remembering the context. Frank and Daphne were meeting after Daphne had gone out on a date with Jack. Daphne was claiming that she didn’t want to be a wedge in their friendship, then proceeded to make out with Frank. If you were recalling correctly, Frank and Daphne’s first sex scene followed soon after.

“Okay, we can do that. Do you have any behind the scene pictures you wanna post too?” Seb got out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll to see. He had several different photos of him with Jamie and then him with Shailene. He showed you his phone on a picture of Shailene leaned against him on a couch, her arm over his waist. A red filter colored the photo, you had to hand it to him, it was a good one to use. “We can post it whenever we get home, love.” Sebastian locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket, to focus solely on you.

“How has your day been, draga mea?” You bit your lip as you thought about what you’ve been doing. You’ve been working towards your Master’s, so your days have been filled with preparing for your dissertation. On top of that, you’ve become a bit of an influencer on different social media platforms. Really, you believe your popularity came from your relationship with Sebastian. You’ve been giving his fans the content that they’ve always wanted. Not only that, but you’re active with them.

“My day was good today. I had to edit a few papers from my other classmates but other than that I didn’t do much. I did make a few TikTok videos, but really today was a bit of a lounge day for me.” Seb smiled at you, proud of how hard you’ve been working.

“I should be getting a few days off soon, so we can relax together in the apartment, if you aren’t too busy with your classes.” He stretched his arm across the table, palm up waiting for your hand. Seb pulled your hand up to his mouth, placing a sloppy kiss onto the back of it. His eyes settled on you lovingly. To Sebastian, you were the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

The two of you managed to finish your meal in peace. No fans came up to Sebastian asking for photos, no paparazzi swarms when you left, just a quiet meal for a normal couple in love. After you got home and you were snuggled in your pajamas alongside Sebastian in your comfortable bed, he handed you his phone to read over his post for his Instagram. The paragraph was sappy, about his time working with Drake, the director, and working with the rest of the cast. Seb always was a softy, never was able to hide it, especially in promo posts.

“It looks good to me. Are you going to post it now? Or wait until tomorrow morning?” Seb debated, he probably should wait and do it tomorrow, but he was most likely going to forget to do it. He clicked post, putting his phone on charge and snuggling into you.

“Thank you for always being there for me, Y/N.” He kissed your jawline, nuzzling his face into your neck. “It really means a lot to me, baby. I love you so much.” He wrapped both hands around your waist, pulling you to his front. You smiled wide, momentarily forgetting all of your troubles.

“I love you too, Seb.” You turned your head slightly, pressing a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Now let’s get some sleep, love.” Little did you know that a single post could ruin all of the progress that you thought you had made.

*********************

You woke the next morning, alone in bed. You could hear pots clanging in the kitchen of your home, bringing a smile to your face. Before you left the safety of your bed, you checked your socials out of habit. You opened Instagram first, seeing an absurd amount of notifications this early in the morning. Your smile dropped as soon as you opened the first post. Comments on Sebastian’s post about Endings, Beginnings and his chemistry with Shailene weren’t entirely out of the ordinary. They were to be expected, they were playing parts in a love triangle. People were ‘shipping’ Shailene with Seb and Jamie, so that wasn’t too crazy.

What hurt you were the comments saying, “living for shailene and sebastian! she’s a much better match for him than y/n.”

“never thought that y/n girl was going to last, glad he’s going w shailene”

“shailene and seb supremacy”

“yes! i’ve always supported seb in everything he’s done, but i rlly questioned him when he got w that y/n girl. what was he thinking?!”

Tears gathered in your eyes as you continued scrolling. You never thought you and Sebastian never fit. You knew that people had issues with your relationship, but you never let it get in your head this bad. You checked your explore page, pictures of you and Sebastian from last night were riddling the page.

Your heart dropped.

There were pictures of the two of you from last night with parts of your body circled. The exposed skin above your waistband, the excess skin on your neck and arms. You don’t know where they got these pictures, but your stomach was steadily sinking with each picture you saw. The door of your room opened, revealing a smiley Sebastian with a plate full of eggs in one hand and a cup of orange juice in the other.

“Good morning, baby.” You quickly shoved your phone away from you, wiping your tears away from your eyes to meet his. His brows furrowed immediately. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” You snuffled quietly, before answering.

“Uh, nothing. I’m just so proud of you.” You smiled at him, not wanting to bring down his already happy mood with your problems. Was that entirely healthy? Probably not, but you were doing it anyway, consequences be damned.

“Oh, well you don’t have to cry for me, Y/N. Even if you’re proud.” He walked up to your side of the bed, placing the cup and plate on your nightstand. He brought his hand up to your cheeks, wiping away your tear streaks. “You know that I only like to see tears whenever it’s me causing you so much pleasure you beg me to stop.” He winked at you, smirking at your rising blush. To say that didn’t lift your spirits for about half a second would be a lie. Sebastian brought the plate to your lap, waiting for you to start eating. At this particular moment, after seeing all those horrible pictures of your body, your appetite had gone out the window, but he was so smiley.

“After you eat, I want ya to shower.” Sebastian’s hand came up to your jaw, cupping it as you used it to chew the eggs. “We’ve got a long day of lounging and enjoying each other's company ahead of us.” Sebastian stood from the bed, throwing a wink at you as he left the room dramatically. You stopped eating soon after he left, the food tasting like ash on your tongue. At some point, you got into the bathroom, staring at the reflection in the mirror.

Your phone was in your hand again. The pictures flooding your Twitter feed. Shaky breaths left your mouth as you watched your reflection tilt its head. Tears began gathering in your eyes as it felt like you weren’t in your own skin anymore. You had worked so hard to be comfortable in your own body.

It’s amazing how just one picture can ruin everything.

You leaned forward on the countertop, hands holding up your weight. You shifted towards the mirror, examining every miniscule detail that your eyes could see. Your lids came down quickly, tears dragging down your cheeks. You squeezed your eyes closed, shaking your head back and forth.

“You are not going to let this get to you.” You took a few deep breaths as you turned on the shower. Not wanting to be around the mirror anymore, you kept your bath short, talking to yourself the whole time. By the time you left the bathroom, it was steamed completely, you couldn’t see your reflection even if you wanted to.

“He loves you.” You had a mantra and you continued to repeat it as you walked into your shared closet. “He loves all of you.” You pulled one of his old t-shirts off a hanger. “Sebastian loves you.” A pair of your underwear and his loose boxers covered your lower half. “Sebastian loves all of you.” You shoved your feet into a pair of fuzzy pink socks, leaving the closet still muttering to yourself. You tucked your phone into your waistband after checking your socials again. You know you shouldn’t have, but there was some part of you that just wouldn’t let you not.

The same shit covered your For You page on TikTok. Videos from the trailer of Seb and Shailene and then videos of you and Seb, comparing the two relationships. “They do fit well together.” You thought to yourself. A part of you wondering why Seb was with you in the first place.

“Did you say something, love?” Sebastian looked at you from the couch. A blanket was strewn over his lower half, his upper body inviting, waiting for you to join him. His smile dropped when he took in your glassy eyes instead of your usual happy expression.

“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” He started towards you, eyes running over your body for any outward injuries. An understanding look crossed his face when he saw your phone clutched in your hand. “Y/N, talk to me, baby.” Sebastian’s hands rested on your shoulders, lightly caressing your biceps. You recoiled from his touch, feeling uncomfortable in your own body.

“Just some stuff that some fans posted.” Seb’s thumb traced just under your eye, wiping away the tears. He held his right hand out for your phone, to understand what you were talking about. His brows furrowed deeply as he scrolled, not fully processing how destructive his fans could be. Sebastian always believed that they were the best fucking people in the world. He knew that they could be mean, but this was something else.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about, Y/N.” Sebastian’s voice was firm. It was almost strong enough to cut through the fog invading your brain, but not quite. You had officially zoned out. Dead to the world. Lost in your own thoughts. No matter how destructive those thoughts may be.

Sebastian noticed that you were already too deep, having experienced this with you many times before. He was aware that you were self-conscious, insecure, however you want to describe it. Your anxiety always got worse when you were stressed. Prepping for your dissertation was definitely a stressful time. Add on top of that, Sebastian was constantly pulling you from your work for various reasons. Had he contributed to this? Scratch that thought, he didn’t have time for that. He needed to bring you back down to Earth, back to him.

“Y/N.” His hands hovered over your hips. “I’m going to touch you for a second.” He directed you to the couch, settling on the coffee table in front of you. His fingers lightly traced circles onto your knees, as he assessed how he should approach this.

“Y/N. Baby?” Sebastian hesitated before bringing his fingers up to your chin, not wanting you to react badly. “I’m right here, Y/N, it’s Sebastian.” His left hand hadn’t left your knee, continuing to trace small patterns into your skin, giving you something to ground yourself with. He watched you blink and swallow harshly, inhaling sharply before opening your mouth.

“Why are you with me?” Your chin trembled with unvoiced sobs. “You deserve the world, Seb. I’m not even--” Your sentence was cut off by a loud whimper causing tears to start streak down. Sebastian wasn’t sure if this was a situation where you wanted him to be involved, so he waited for a sign.

“I’m not even worth a glance from you.” Your hand came up to wipe at your runny nose. “They’re so right. You need to be with someone like Shailene.” A bitter sob racked your body, making your body fold in half. Sebastian caught you before you hurt yourself.

“Y/N. I love you.” He always heard you say that to yourself when you thought he wasn’t listening. He knew that you suffered from anxiety, so he was always watching. Always paying attention to your little cues. The little things that he could use to help you as much as he could. “I love all of you.” He held one of your hands, running his thumb over the back of it.

“I don’t care what they say, baby.” He lifted your face to his, steel blue eyes locking with your cloudy pair. “I picked you.” He pecked your right cheek. “I want you.” A peck to your left. “I want only you.” One to your forehead. “It’s always been you, Y/N.” Another on your chin. “I love all of you, Y/N.” Sebastian landed a final short kiss to your lips, lingering for only a second.

“I want you to understand something, Y/N.” His gaze never left you. “I’m not going anywhere.” His brows raised as he hardened his voice. “I’m especially not going anywhere at the behest of my fans. I love them to death, but they don’t get to decide who I love.” Sebastian shifted to sit next to you on the couch. “Is it okay if I put my arms around you?” All he got was a brief nod in return, which was expected.

“I’m yours, Y/N. As much as you’re mine.” His arms descended around you, wrapping you in a loving embrace. You turned to face him fully, bringing your own arms around his waist, shoving your head into his neck.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all my shit, Seb.” Sebastian almost missed your comment because you spoke into his shoulder and through loud snuffles. He backed away to look you in the face.

“I signed up for this, Y/N. I’m here for whatever we go through.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “We go through ‘your shit’ together, Y/N. This is a partnership, a two-way street.” He looked at the weak smile on your face, heart warming slightly at the sight. His face turned serious, casting a glance at your phone on the coffee table.

“How long have you been sitting on this?” He knew how quickly your mind could twist things, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. You bit your lip, not meeting his eyes anymore.

“Just since this morning.” He held you away from his body, watching your expression.

“Is this why you were crying earlier?” You gave him a meek nod in response. “Baby, I thought we talked about this. We have to talk to each other when we think we’re going to go into a funk.” The two of you had talked about it before, but you didn’t think this was going to be a funk.

“I should’ve been able to just shake this off because I know you love me and you won’t leave me because of something that some people on the Internet say.” The words left your mouth before you could process everything, your mind quick to defend itself.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You don’t always have to be able to shake something off. We just have to keep each other in the loop.” Sebastian looked over your tear-stained face, pressing a kiss to your forehead again. “Let’s ditch the phones today. Just spend the day in each other’s arms, how’s that sound?” You smiled softly, nodding at the man in front of you. He got up quickly hiding both of your phones in the kitchen somewhere.

This definitely wasn’t a solution to dealing with your anxiety, Sebastian knew that. It also wasn’t dealing with the toxic people on the Internet, but you didn’t need that right now. You needed to be immersed in an environment that accepted what you were going through without judgement, Sebastian could provide that. Seb hummed happily when you snuggled into his side under the covers on your couch while he searched for a movie. He kissed the top of your head and he felt you smile against his stomach.

“I’m proud of you, draga mea.” You turned to face him, a confused expression lacing your features.

“For what, Seb?” He stroked your face with a single finger, mapping out your features.

“I’m proud of how you handle yourself. I’m amazed at how strong you are, even when you think you’re not.” He leaned closer to you, whispering his next words. “You’re my hero.” One corner of your mouth twitched upwards, not wanting to accept it. You rolled your eyes playfully, settling back onto his stomach before speaking.

“I love you, Sebastian.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

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randomnotesofmyown · 3 years

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Psycho Pass (17)

Episode 17 - Iron heart

Order was restored in the city, yet damages and losses had been done.

Agents of Division one assess the aftermath of the chaos that resulted in

1) destruction across the city, 2) Kagari unaccounted for, and 3) one enforcer of Division two took advantage of the chaos and fled.

Masaoka asked Ginoza if he thought Kagari would escape.

Tsunemori wondered if they had won. Kogami replied "Detective work is, by nature, about treating wounds. Our investigations start after there are victims."

"But at least with this lost game we were able to end in a draw. We just have to settle with that." "In the end, what did all that talk about the safety of the Sibyl system mean?" "A safe and perfect society is just an illusion."

"In this society, people depend on things that are convenient but also dangerous. Our government made us take risks. But the risks were dispersed and distributed so cleverly that no one was able to notice it."

"Everyone might have been looking the other way. Precisely because there was danger...they had to act as if there wasn't instead, in order to keep their sanity." ep17-07 "I don't like to lump people together when I speak, since everyone is different...but I'll generalize broadly here."

"They can unknowingly try to evade their responsibilities."* Then Kogami changed the subject, saying that "how they're going to judge Makishima...the problem is what happens next. It's a far more difficult and troublesome task than shooting a dominator."

"it's an undeniable fact that he committed crimes." Kogami said in a teeth-gritting voice. "In any case, we still have that idiot Kagari to worry about. He split off from us and went down to the basement. Why did the communication end there?"

Ginoza and the others were still assessing the damages caused by the chaos instigated by Makishima. Kunizuka noted that "a large number of people needing mental care...detention facilities overflowing with people...economic losses due to crippled city functions..."

"It's too early to talk in the past tense. There's still the matter of his sentencing... The judiciary has been abolished for a while now. It will probably be difficult to prosecute someone based solely on evidence" said Masaoka.

Masaoka, "Okay. Okay." Then, Ginoza got a call from the PSB Chief. The Chief told Ginoza that the cases Makashima was involved in would be investigated by a special team formed by the Ministry of Welfare, and it was thus out of the hands of the PSB.

The Chief continued saying that Makishima's case being a unique one, medical staff would have to be there whenever he is interrogated, and it was important to keep the information confidential. Ginoza tried to voice his opposition, "Makashima Shogo was very likely involved in various crimes in the past. In order for the facts to come to light, the PSB needs to be able to interrogate him!" "Are there any unsolved cases in those past crimes you mentioned?" "No...but..."

"No, he was disposed of." The Chief corrected herself. "Rather than being worried about an arrested criminal, you have a big problem at division 1, don't you? An Enforcer escaped...and he's still missing." Ginoza, "We still don't know if he really escaped." Chief, "The Sibyl system has already been restored. Enforcer Kagari hasn't been caught by the surveillance network because he's been steering clear of it as he moves about. As it stands, you'll be held responsible." "That's...uh..." When Ginoza told division 1 the Chief's decision, Kogami exploded.

"What makes you think you can talk to me like that?! You're an Enforcer!" Kogami, "This is not the time to discuss our positions! It's strange that we aren't even allowed to question him when we were the ones who arrested him, isn't it?!" "It wasn't my decision, if you want to complain..." "'If you want to complain, talk to the Chief directly.' Is that it?! I'm an Enforcer, there's no way I can see the Chief, is there?! If I actually march into her office, it's you who will be in trouble, inspector." Then, as Kogami walked out of the office, Kunizuka shut her eyes. Her eyes remained closed as she answered Tsunemori's question of what would happen.

Ginoza ordered the division to search for Kagari. "Depending on his actions, it could mean the end of the PSB for different reasons."

Makishima came to. The Chief greeted him, "It's been a while, Shogo. It's good to see you haven't changed a bit."

"I don't think we know each other." "Well, my appearance has changed quite a bit in the past three years, so...First, I need to offer you an apology. About the book I borrowed from you a while back...I lost it due to the troubles that I had to go through." Makishima took the book and was noticeably surprised. The person he lent that book to was Touma Kouzaburo.

Makishima asked the chief for confirmation. And the reply was

"When I heard that you fell into the hands of the PSB, I felt that it was terribly unfortunate. But...that face...plastic surgery...No, that's not it. Considering that body structure, you're a different person." "Your friend Senguji Toyohisa achieved whole-body cyberization, too, right? But artificial body technology that is this flawless hasn't been made open to the public."

"Nothing of the Touma Kouzaburo you know is left except his brain." "What's going on? The culprit of those grotesque serial killings that seriously upset society is now the head of the PSB? It's not even funny." "In a precise sense, that's not the case. I'm not the only Kasei Joshu, and I'm not always Kasei Joshu, either. Our brains are unitized so that they can be swapped easily. We always take turns using this body...Well...it also serves as a bit of a break from our everyday work. " "'We'?" "Yeah. I am only a rep. I was only entrusted with talking to you here since you and I are old friends. We've never shown ourselves to people, but when it comes to our name, we are famous in a manner of speaking. You should know it, too. People call us..."

As the two talked, a music played in the background. And I couldn't make out what it was.

Kogami and Tsunemori went to the basement of Nona Tower to look for Kagari. Kogami was certain that Kagari would not run off.

"Then, abduction...kidnapping..." "Or he was killed in a way that wouldn't leave any traces of his body. For example, using the Decomposer mode of the dominator or something." Kogami deduced. Tsunemori got a call from Ginoza and learned that a broken dominator was found. The fact that the dominator was located at least 20 km from the Nona Tower made Ginoza question the possibility of Kagari not being caught even once by the cameras.

Cut to the Chief and Makishima. Chief, "As for the incident this time, your aiming for the right target was just like you, to say the least. In fact, your friend was able to discover the truth." The Chief tossed Che's smart phone at Makishima. He saw the video and played it

"The Sibyl system is said to use a PDP model, an extensive network of supercomputers performing parallel distributed processing. It's not really a lie, but it's far from the truth. It's ability to utilize a knowledge base and to perform inferences were not achieved solely by speed gains in conventional computing. By parallelizing the system that was able to do those things and expanding it mechanically, it was just given massive processing ability, that's all. The fact is that a system that expands and speeds up its ability to think by incorporating human brain activity was already put into practical use more than fifty years ago. Precisely because we kept this technology secret and used it carefully, today our country is able to function as the only country on Earth ruled by law."

"By having about 200 of the 247 connected in sessions at any given time, we can continuously monitor and judge the Psycho-Pass of every single person in this country."

Makishima saw the moment Che died in the video and kept his gaze on the screen as the Chief continued her talk, "After all, the ability to judge using only mechanical programs is limited to stress measurements based on the Hue check at best. Specifying Crime Coefficients, which indicate a more profound human nature, requires a higher degree of thinking ability and judgment. "

"What a joke. Management of a fair society by machines...A society that doesn't depend on human egos...People accepted the Sibyl system because that's how it was presented. And yet, it was actually done arbitrarily by you, an aggregate of human brains?"

"No it is boundlessly fair. We judge and supervise people. We are already an existence that transcends mankind. This first qualification to be a constituent member to the Sibyl system is to have an irregular personality that doesn't fit in with mankind's conventional standards. Without aimlessly empathizing with others...without being lost to emotion...you should be able to oversee human actions from an outsider's viewpoint. Such talent is desired. For example, like the way you and I are." Makishima made an inquiry sound. "I too am a unique human whose Crime Coefficient can't be determined from his Psycho-Pass. Because of that, I've experienced a great deal of loneliness. A personality that cannot be measured even by Sibyl's collective intellect is called criminally asymptomatic. Those with this personality are distinguished from all citizens and have a new ideology and sense of values. By finding such valuable people and taking them in, the system has continued to expand its range of thinking and gained new possibilities as an intellectual form." And Makishima realized why Touma disappeared without being executed. "Yeah, I was added as a member of the Sibyl system. I was puzzled at first, but I was able to understand its splendor very quickly. Omnipotence achieved through the expansion of both understanding and judgment sharing one's cognition with other brains, I feel like I'm a prophet right out of a myth. I understand everything. I feel that everything in the world is under my rule. There's a limit to the amount of pleasure a person can obtain. But pleasure brought out by intellect is infinite. You can understand that, can't you?" "Yes. It's not really hard to imagine." "Both you and I have been isolated and oppressed in this world full of contradictions. But we don't need to grieve over it anymore. We should be proud of the nobility of the mission given to both of us as our fate. The time has also come for you to take your proper place!" "In other words...you're telling me to become a member of the Sibyl system?" "Your intellect and deep insight...those are qualities we eagerly seek out in order to further evolve the Sibyl system. It's not to say that we can't make you a member by force. But...'value exists only in the acts based on one's free will'...those were your words, right?"

Feeling fed up, Makishima shut his eyes. When he opened his eyes again, he picked up the book and replied that he didn't find becoming a cog in a machine appealing. The Chief continued her persuasion. "Of course, this would not impede upon your independence as an individual. In fact, as you can see, I'm still maintaining a sense of my self as Touma Kouzaburo. All you have to do is say a single word, 'yes.' The operation will be completed on our way to the Ministry of Welfare using the equipment we have here. The Makishima Shogo known to the public will disappear with your body, but you will become one of those who rule this world with no one being the wiser."

"That sounds like the doctor in Balnibarbi," Makishima said as he got up. The chief was confused, and Makishima recounted the story of what that doctor do to get politicians with conflicting opinions to reconcile: carry out a surgery to transplant half of person A's brain to person B and vice versa. "Once that is done successfully, they could 'produce that moderation as well as regularity of thinking'. For the self-conceited lot who think that 'they come into the world only to watch and govern its motion', Swift writes that it is the most desirable approach. " Sensing that all the persuasion effort didn't pay off, the chief reached for the dominator hidden under the desk.

The moment Makishima saw the chief pointing a dominator at him, he threw the book in her face. Then he lifted an equipment and smashed it in her head, knocking her over before he proceeded to disarm her. "You probably thought I wouldn't resist until I knew where I was, but as usual, you aren't very careful."

"By saying that, you hinted that we're in transit. We're not inside the PSB, as I judged that I could escape." "Why? You should have been able to understand the joy of omnipotence and the pleasure of governing the world..." "Just like God?" Makishima went on, "That might be pleasurable in its own way, but unfortunately I'm not into being an umpire or a referee, as I can't genuinely enjoy the game if I were one." Makishima then sent the Chief flying.

She crawled, trying to grab the dominator. Makishima wouldn't allow it.

Makishima smashed an equipment onto the chief, who begged him to stop.

Makishima blew a hole on the plane and escaped.

Kogami got up from a nap, about to drink coffee when he felt Makishima appeared next to him.

Shocked, he leapt away. Panting, he looked at where he felt the presence of Makishima and saw no one. Then he received a call from Makashima.

"It's not something worth you putting your life on the line to protect. I just wanted to let you know that. Well then, I'll see you around." Kogami called Ginoza, and was told that the plane carrying Makishima reportedly crashed.

End of episode 17.

*The subtitle provided was "We can involuntarily try to avoid our responsibilities" However, the very sentence that Kogami spoke before this one still carried the hint that Kogami regarded himself an outsider to the society, and to the human race as a whole. It made no sense if he would go from seeing himself an outsider from one sentence to adopting an exact opposite attitude in the next. So I changed the translation of "自分の責任を回避する努力を無意識に行うことが出来る (Source of the transcription here)" a bit.

Comment 1) Things I noticed from the conversation between Kogami and Tsunemori. Kogami distanced himself from the society he observed, he didn't consider himself a member of the society he lived in; he considered himself an outsider. Tsunemori, on the other hand, regarded herself a member of that society.

2) The conversation between Makishima and the chief touched on multiple topics. And it took me quite a bit to figure out how to summarize it. Makishima and Touma were similar in the sense that they both saw themselves outsiders to the human race and, with their level of intelligence, they did not see other humans on equal footing. The difference between them, though, was that Touma still yearn for recognition and wanted to be worshipped. It would satisfy his vanity even if that came from people he thought were beneath him. And in the process of playing God, he actually came to care about the world. Makishima was not one who would take up the burden of becoming God for those who lived like livestock, those he considered humans in shape only, and their worship was worthless. He want to find meanings, and he wanted to be entertained by seeing others acting on their own free will, making their own decisions. Sibyl, being a system that took care of everything for everyone and made things effortless and meaningless for everyone, was precisely what Makishima wanted to destroy. The knowledge that Sibyl system was a congregation of human brains only made Makishima despise it even more.

#psycho pass

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