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#and I'm also feeling bad about bringing all that home and inflicting it on O. on her last weekend before rush time at work
khargaotte · 2 years
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So I did not sleep well last night and today has been a Mess because of family reasons (I tried to make a vent post and then it started getting novel-length bc the context has been brewing for many years but let's just say it involves my brother in law being a manipulative, anger-prone asshole to my sister who is two weeks from giving birth), it's 4pm and I haven't had lunch, and I'm hungry, but any time I try to take a bite from my plate my stomach knots and I can barely swallow. Fun times.
Ah and my mom is gonna arrive in an hour and stay over for the weekend for reasons related to said family drama, so I'm gonna have to wrangle her own anxiety/paranoia about my brother in law preventing my sister from seeing her forever in addition to my own exhaustion, stress about work, and worries for my sister and her kids (one of which isn't even born yet).
Ah and I was supposed to finish a thing for work today bc it's due Monday but uh guess I'll be working tomorrow because I clearly can't focus enough to finish it today. Just another pebble on the pile.
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hanazou · 3 years
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Hi! Could I ask for Dazai, Ranpo, Kunikida/Atsushi with an s/o who frequently picks their skin/scabs/scalp. My psychologist, mom, and I are pretty confident that I have ASD, and it's a relatively common stim. This can also happen with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety disorders -- I'm not sure if this suggestion is too centered around a reader’s identity! (Also, it's not intentional self-harm; it relieves stress and boredom, but just happens to cause damage :/ If you're uncomfortable, I understand) Thx! <3
dazai, ranpo, and atsushi and a lover who constantly picks skin/scalp/scab.
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📜 Books : Dazai | Ranpo | Atsushi
📜 Word count : 2.3k
📜 Shelf : Paperback
📜 Category : Headcanons
📜 Genre : Fluff, with a tiny hint of angst with Dazai and Atsushi
📜 Caution : Vague mentions of disorders and insecurities
📜 Note : Don't worry, @my-introvert-hideout! I'm not uncomfortable nor is this too specific. In fact, I had so much fun writing this! I chose Atsushi (because I kin him I resonate with him better), I hope this does your suggestion justice. I apologize if any of these is inaccurate.
Enjoy your books! 💛
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Dazai Osamu
He's an ex Port Mafia executive and currently employed as a detective. Never doubt that he'll catch on your habit the first time you display it around him. But only when things are official between you two will he take an action about it.
With his background and quick wits, Dazai knows a lot about the quirks people can have, where they came from, and why they do it. By judging from your expression and slights of movements, he knows that it's caused by your certain conditions and nothing like deliberately inflicting pain on yourself. After all, he's well accustomed to self harm itself too, and he doesn't see it in you, not that way.
Dazai's understanding on your habit will be more personal rather than analytical--because of his self destructive tendencies. He can relate to you in this aspect, but whether this is a bad or good news is completely up to your personal interpretation.
Only after things become official between you both that he steps his feet into ‘that’ zone, deciding now he has the right to interfere. He's the type of guy that perceives intervening with issues like this requires a special established relation with you beforehand, if not, who is he to say anything?
Dazai doesn't mind that you never took the initiative to tell him first, what matters that is he knows and he has for long. He'll take his chance of intervention when you start picking yourself again, but only when it's just the two of you around. If you're with the other ADA members or within a crowd, he'll just figure out something to distract you and do it subtly.
The private moment will come sooner than you think. With a swift move that escaped your eyes, he has taken your hand hostage. "Nuh-uh," He cooed. "You're prone to injure your pretty skin."
His direct words will push you off guard. You'll notice that he knows about your quirk, maybe get a little shy from not realizing that he knows if you're the shy type of person.
Dazai is a clingy guy and even more so as a boyfriend, your habit will only give him a legitimate reason to hold your hand wherever you two go. Your hands will sweat from constantly holding his. He will definitely use it as an advantage to tease you too.
"I have to go to the bathroom, can I trust your hand or do I have to keep holding it?"
You will literally throw his hand away. "What th—Go by yourself."
Dazai has loads of tricks up his sleeve, and combined with his knowledge, he knows more than one or two or three methods to help you. Whether they are effective or not depends entirely on you and your condition. Sometimes his tricks are so subtle that you didn't even realize until you think back about it.
Assuming you're thinking of seeking help from experts, Dazai will be totally with the idea. "I can feel your earnest effort for this, I'm glad for you."
He'll take you to your appointments and wait for you, and sometimes walk you back home, which is also another trick to ditch work and piss Kunikida off. Two birds with one stone, right? :)
Expect him to shower you with loving words after every session. Maybe it will even make you feel corny. But truth be told, he'll deeply ponder about your condition, you, and himself. He's well aware of his nihilism and ponders whether the words he said are genuine or just part of the new personality he adopted when he left Port Mafia that sometimes run on autopilot.
(aka he suspects he's not being totally earnest with his sweetness)
If it's the latter, the corny lovey dovey words will double as an effort to help you and himself. Don't blame Dazai too much, he has trouble differentiating between what’s good and bad (as what was said by my man Oda), but at least he's trying hard for your sake.
When you show some progress, he will be so expressive in praising you. His self doubt or whatever it is, that can wait. His darling comes first.
Dazai will give a hug or two and other romantic stuffs like that even if you're in public. He's a tease and you know you love it. If you especially get embarrassed about it, he'll try to fluster you even more. Is it to distract you or himself? Nobody knows.
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Edogawa Ranpo
This Yokohama's best detective is well versed in a lot of things, psychological conditions included. If you have any condition at all, it doesn't take him long at all to understand it. Nothing escapes his pretty green eyes.
Ranpo's approach will be the opposite of Dazai. His will be more analytical rather than emotional or personal.
In the scenario where you don't feel too confident about your condition, you might be constantly worrying Ranpo will make a blunt comment about it. But trust me, you don't have to worry anything about it with this guy. He’s straightforward, but he’s not rude.
Even if Ranpo hasn't had any personal experiences of feeling/witnessing this sort of thing firsthand, you can count on him to be knowledgeable about it, although his words won't be exactly delicate. He knows that some people have problems if it's addressed boldly and he knows where the line for him lays.
Ranpo is the type of guy to think that if you never told him about it, then that's your decision and it's nothing to make a fuss about/make complaints for, but he's not going to pretend he doesn't notice. He doesn’t hold back his tongue.
He will treat this situation slightly akin to a case for him to solve. Why? Because first of all, he’s your boyfriend. Who else is better fitted to take care of you and analyze the root cause? Second, because of that personal attachment with you, he will feel the obligation to step in.
When nobody is in the agency office since they don't slack off like him, he'll stretch back against his chair, hands behind his back, and call out your name who stayed behind to assist and babysit him.
"Won't you hurt yourself if you keep doing that?" He asks, his sharp eyes closed. Blunt questions are his signature. You will instantly freeze, only realizing that you were going off with your habit.
You won't feel the need to explain it, because you know that he knows, and he knows that you know he knows (do I make sense? this sounds like that one Dazai and Fyodor meme)
"If you want, I know some ways to help and I'm acquainted with some experts." He says easily, stuffing his mouth with chips. After he swallows, only then his green eyes opens. "You're hurting yourself, you know that?"
I'm not going to sugar-coat his personality. If you want heartfelt, supportive, and warm words, talk to Kenji or Yosano because you won't hear it from Ranpo. But the brighter side is that Ranpo is a very good listener and offers practical suggestions that you know are fool-proof. With each word you vent to him, the more methods spring up in his head to help. Lucky of you to have him!
If you agree to seek professional help or his own, he's a different kind of romantic than Dazai who knows how to swoon you off your feet. Ranpo’s praise won’t be like Dazai’s (since receiving conventional praises is his thing), but he'll say something rather indirect like "Good for you. Nobody knows what's best for you other than yourself, not even me."
After your sessions are over for the day, Ranpo will gift you his favourite snacks. Chips, cookies, ice creams, jellies, sodas. Do you know how lucky you are if Ranpo gives you his favourite snacks? Mostly it's because he's not confident in sweet talks so he's hoping that you'll get the gist of what he's trying to do.
Heck, he'll even wait for you (partially because he doesn't know how to go home by himself, but that's not the point) quietly without whining that it's taking too long. To occupy himself, sometimes he'll bring some papers of the cases Fukuzawa gave him and solve interesting cases. But when you emerge from the door, everything is forgotten and his attention is fully back to you.
"Oh, you're finally finished!" He springs back up to his feet, arms expanded.
I encourage you to tell him about your sessions. He'll compliment you in his own ways believe me.
"My super deduction concludes that you did well." He says as you pop out the popsicle he gave, a cheeky grin on his face. Oh, you one lucky fella.
On the way back to the agency, presumably on a train, if you're getting better, Ranpo will definitely smile cheekily to himself, prideful of you and him.
"I'm always right, after all." He says. "What do you think, aren't I such a great boyfriend and detective? You're lucky to have this combination all for yourself!"
Damn right you are.
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Nakajima Atsushi
This will be slightly lengthy.
In terms of discovering this quirk of yours, Atsushi's approach will be different than Dazai and Ranpo's. If anyone is insecure about this one aspect in your relationship, it will be Atsushi.
Let's be frank, Atsushi's abused background didn't let him know much about the world, disorders/special needs included. We're talking about the boy whose first idea of survival was to jump on strangers. He was thrown into the real world without any experience and minimum social skills, it's almost impossible he immediately clicks on the reason behind your habit.
Despite so, Atsushi will notice it, weretiger senses used or not. Growing up abused, he was forced to notice the microexpression changes on people’s face and their quirks/habits as a defense mechanism in case he earns someone's ire (remember about the infiltration mission with Akutagawa on Rats of the House of the Dead when he said he can hear when someone’s mind snaps). Even though he believes you will never pose a harm to him ever, he couldn't help but to overthink every single little thing you do. He just can’t help it.
Constantly picking your scalp/scab/skin makes him free fall to the assumption that you're anxious around him since he knows that people sometimes fidget when they feel unsafe. At first, he thought that you're nervous around him. Is it because he's a weretiger? Because you don't trust him? Because you think of him as a hindrance?
This sweet boy thinks a lot about you. You basically live in his head rent free, and ever since he noticed your habit, you will quickly climb up the ranks of things-Atsushi-overthinks.
He will address you about his insecure thoughts after they're brewed aka rotted his brain long enough
When you're picking your skin, Atsushi will call your name softly as he fidgets. "Are you, maybe, uncomfortable around me?"
The confusion you will feel. "What?"
The conversation will spin around how and why that thought even popped out, and because of mutual confusion, it will take a while until you're like "OH. That's why."
You will have to explain it but he's not that dense as to he'll keep asking "Huh?" As I mentioned, anxiety is his old friend. He understands very well the constant need of having to pick to ground yourself and alleviate the intruding thoughts.
He will apologise for assuming things himself, maybe overreact a little, blaming himself for thinking things are about him when it’s actually about you, and he will be very tender about it. After all that, he will do everything in his power to help with your condition.
Atsushi will keep your hands busy by holding it before you start picking yourself, gently, but firmly. He will use his heightened senses to pick on the signs before you pick your skin/scalp/scab and try to distract you by doing anything.
Remember that one scene of his entrance test where he panics, not knowing what to say to Tanizaki? yeah he will be like that.
"AAH! Look! A cat!"
Then Atsushi will get more creative. He will not hesitate to spend the money from his cute wallet to buy lotion/moisturiser for your skin that smells so good (thank you for your help to guide him pick it, Kyouka), hoping it will help you. Maybe he'll get you gloves to match his own (matching couple things are never outdated). You won't pick on your fingers that way.
If you ever want to talk about your condition, please, share it with him. I insist. He insists. It's a win-win solution for both of you. His faith that you truly treasure and believe in him will harden (helps with his self esteem), and you get to throw off the load burdening you down.
He also feels it's his responsibility, part of that is because of his Headmaster's words, but mostly because he treasures you that much. If he caught you picking again, he'll become super worried and so guilt ridden.
If you decide to seek professional help, he will be 100% supportive. I won't sugar-coat again—Atsushi will detect his disappointment at himself for not being enough to help you on his own, but at the same time he's also realistic. He knows that he doesn't have what it takes by himself.
His Headmaster's words will echo again, again, and again. "You failed to help your own lover? Have this orphanage taught you nothing—have I not taught you anything? Will you ever amount to any good?"
He will fight it back harder than usual because now, it's about you. He can't afford to fail you, especially you. If you do talk about your condition to him, it will calm him down by a lot.
In short, your condition impacts Atsushi more that you ever thought. Please support each other.
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ghostnebula · 3 years
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I'm sorry for the VERY LONG ask thread I'm about to send, but I've had this au concept stuck in my head for months & I need to inflict it on someone else just to get it out of my head. Here goes: It starts out sad. The Losers went to fight Pennywise, things went to shit, Richie's the only one who made it out. He ends up living w Patty, when Kay shows up. She ended up getting Bev's letter & wants to know what the fuck. They explain as best they can & she ends up joining the Sad Sack Commune 1/?
In this au Kay & Patty also have the Shine, bc there's no proof they don't (as far as I'm aware). The three of them Somehow get contacted by Maturin, who lets them know there's a ritual they can use to fix things. They decide simple is best, & just send back each of their childhood addresses & an instinctive feeling that something bad will happen if they don't contact each other, to themselves summer of 1988. Flash back in time, they all become penpals & even visit each other a couple times 2/?
Kay & Patty also end up meeting at least some of the Losers. Stan, Bill, & Eddie are obvious, but I also like the idea of them meeting Bev too & becoming penpals w her. I also headcanon Kay as black, so potentially Mike winds up being at least an acquaintance, even if they don't become full-fledged friends until the summer of 89. I like the placement of Ben telling the others abt Derry's history in the movie but I DON'T like him taking Mike's role as historian, so instead I've decided 3/?
that instead he just tells them a few things he learned FROM Mike, bc they became friends while hanging out at the library. Ben tells them Mike would know more & they decide to meet up w him later that week (Kay, Richie, & Eddie are at least fairly well-acquainted w Mike as well). Bev's Pennywise encounter happens, w a slight change to movie canon: They ALL go up at first, & when Richie is told to be lookout, someone points out that he shouldn't be alone when kids are going missing 4/?
and anyway it'd look weird for a kid to loiter outside a building he doesn't live in for potentially hours. So the 8 of them decide to rotate in and out in 2s & 3s. After that, they go off to relax & see Mike's bike. ROCK WAR! Mike is now part of the Losers Club. He tells them more Derry history, they figure out IT lives in the sewers & go to the Well house on Neibolt. Another few changes here: 9 Losers means 6 can go in while 3 stand watch, one team for each floor. Eddie's arm isn't broken 5/?
But Ben DOES get clawed up, and a small fight does break out, similar to the movie. It gets calmed down quickly, though, when Bev & Kay point out that they CAN'T go right back, they need to be together to fight the clown & Ben needs medical attention before he can do ANYTHING. Richie ends up leading Ben & Eddie back to his house, Stan & Mike split off so Mrs. Uris can drive Mike home instead of him biking, & Kay & Patty hug Bev & tell her & Bill to call Richie & Stan when they get home 6/?
before rushing to catch up w Richie (who they're staying w for the summer). Stan's bar mitzvah happens, Bowers breaks Eddie's arm & he also finds out his meds are placebos. Bev DOES NOT get kidnapped, her dad gets possessed like the book & she hits him w the toilet tank lid like the movie, then calls her friends & tells them to meet her at Neibolt in 30 minutes, if they're late she's going in w/o them. They all show up, Richie w a trashbag to put over Eddie's cast, & go to fight Pennywise 7/8
I don't know if they actually manage to kill IT as kids or if they come back as adults, but I DO know that if they have to come back both Stan & Eddie live. Patty having also fought the clown means she & Stan would be leaning on each other, so Stan wouldn't kill himself(/be murdered) & an extra 3 people than movie canon means Pennywise's attention would be split even more, so he might not get a chance to attack Eddie, & if he does, there's 3 more people who can help drag him out.
Hello anon thank you so much for this ask and also I love you. There's so much to love here but Richie having the foresight (and understanding & love) to bring a plastic bag to stop Eddie's cast from getting wet is literally my favourite thing I've ever heard. That's adorable. What a sweetie. Oh my god. I love him.
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