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isolavirtuosa · 6 years

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Post Traumatic Drabbles: Breaking the Habit

[fanfiction] NaruSasu

Some drabbles following Post Traumatic and Post-Post Traumatic, ranging from fluffy nonsense to horror and despair.

1-4

Track 5: Breaking the Habit, in which relationshipping is hard and making good life choices is harder.

Track 5

Breaking the Habit

I could not stop laughing.

“What is so funny?” Temari asked, coming into the room.

“We don’t remember!” Gaara and I chorused, both going back into hysterics.

She rolled her eyes and sat down, cracking open a beer. “It’s getting late, Naruto, shouldn’t you be home taking care of your brood?”

“Nah, Juugo’s home,” I said, taking another sip. Thinking about home had a sobering effect.

“Boy, that better not be alcohol that you’re drinking,” she said, suddenly going hardass mom on her son.

“Dad said I could,” Shikanori protested.

Temari glanced at Shikamaru.

He shrugged.

“Fine, but don’t come crying to me if you end up puking,” she said, downing the rest of her drink. “I’ll leave you boys to your little party,” she concluded, snagging another can of beer and making her exit.

“It is getting kind of late,” Sora hedged. He was the responsible one in our teacher-student relationship.

It was funny how that always seemed to end up being the way.

“One more for the road?” Kankurou suggested.

“One more for the road,” I agreed, clinking bottles with him.

Sora seemed appeased, going back to his own beer. He’d been hyper focused on his training lately, but even he could kick back and relax on occasion. Now that Gaara was training Shika Jr., we spent a lot of time in Suna training with them. It was good for Sora to have a younger training partner who looked up to him. It gave him a boost of confidence, which was why he’d come back to train with me in the first place.

Also because he missed me and thought I was the coolest and best teacher ever, probably.

“Hey, Sora, that rotten Uchiha still with your woman?” Kankurou asked.

Well, there was that, too.

“I don’t have a woman,” Sora muttered, drowning his sorrows.

“You could kick his ass,” Shikanori encouraged him.

“Of course I could,” Sora said, crushing his can in his hand. “But I don’t care.”

Shikamaru gave me a look.

I shrugged.

He shrugged, too, turning his attention back to our shogi match. The only reason he wasn’t completely crushing me was because Gaara, Sora, and I were playing as a team. “When is Izu coming back to train with Sasuke?”

“Hopefully never,” I said cheerfully.

Sora sniffed his disdain.

There was no love lost in this room for Uchiha Izu.

“You look like you could use something a little stronger,” Kankurou said, offering Sora an apology in the form of hard liquor.

The party was really getting started now.

I somehow managed to keep a tiny piece of me sober so I could Advanced Flying Thunder God our asses home.

“Night,” I said, waving Sora off to the guest house. I’d finished building it last summer for when Sakura and Ino and the girls came to stay, but Sora and Izu were getting the most use out of it.

“Night,” he echoed, smiling peacefully. Sometimes getting trashed was good for the soul.

I crept up the stairs, quietly easing the bedroom door open.

Sasuke’s back was to me, the curve of his shoulder illuminated in the moonlight streaming through the window.

My heart tightened.

His shoulder moved rhythmically in time with his breathing.

All I wanted was to wrap him in my arms and squeeze him until we were one being. That was probably a perfect normal urge. I just missed him. He’d done a month at the clinic, then he’d done a month with Karin and Suigetsu, which was apparently something he’d needed. Now even though he was home, it felt like he was a million miles away.

I needed to feel our bond.

I tossed off my shirt, ignoring the chill of the winter air, and slid into bed behind him, hesitating only for a moment before putting my arm around his waist and pulling him closer.

His whole body stiffened. “Don’t.”

Sasuke had two ‘don’t’s. The first went along the lines of, ‘I am a fiercely proud Uchiha who is also vulnerable and shy, so I say ‘don’t’ in order to make it reasonably seem like I am protesting your love and affections which I in reality so deeply desire.’

The other ‘don’t’ just simply meant ‘don’t’, with the added parenthetical that, ‘if you continue, I will annihilate you and everything you hold dear.’

This was clearly the latter, so I pulled away.

He didn’t turn around.

“Sasuke.”

He still didn’t turn around.

I felt annoyed at being ignored. “What’s your problem?”

He turned slowly, eyes fixed in a glare. “You are a fucking moron.”

“Excuse me?” I growled, on my way to full-on anger.

“I can smell it on your breath!” he snapped.

“What, this is about me having a couple of drinks?!” I asked incredulously.

“Oh my god, how are you so fucking clueless?” he muttered, turning away from me.

I caught his shoulder, forcing him to look at me again. “I can drink as much as I damn well want. I’m not you.”

Something shattered behind his eyes, but he was already pulling himself back together before I could figure out what was happening. “Get away from me,” he snarled, shoving me.

“It’s my damn house.”

“That I pay for.”

“After you made me quit my job.”

“That you ha- no, you know what, no. I’m tired. Just get away from me, Naruto, for fuck’s sake.”

“Why should I?” I demanded.

“Because when I smell it, I want a fucking drink you moron!”

It felt like a punch to the gut.

“Fine,” I said, feeling startled and confused. I grabbed my pillow and stumbled out of the room. I found my way to the couch and pulled the afghan off of the back, wrapping myself up and passing out.

I woke up to sunlight, a headache, and slobber on my cheek. I groaned, scrubbing at it. “Makkun, please.”

“Why are you sleeping out here?” the pug asked, waving his tail.

In the continued contentious relationship of Sasuke and Kakashi, our former teacher had somehow thought that a talking dog would be an appropriate olive branch.

And yes, of course I loved our new pet, but he chewed all our furniture and licked all our faces and basically drove Sasuke crazy.

“Coffee,” I said.

“You’re sleeping out here because of… coffee?” Makkun asked, tilting his adorable pug head to the side.

“I’m brewing some now,” Mari said from the kitchen.

“You’re a goddess,” I marveled. I scrubbed at the crust in my eyes and made a few attempts to get off of the couch before finally succeeding.

“Rough night?” Mari asked, pulling some mugs down from the cupboard. One for me, one for her, and one for… Sora?

She caught me eyeing the third cup and hastily shoved it back in the cupboard.

“It’s too early for the nonsense,” I groaned, flopping onto my chair.

“I just miscounted,” she muttered.

“Really? Miss I Can Do Quantum Physics can’t count to two?” I grumbled.

“Is this ever not going to be awkward?” she complained.

“You dumped my disciple! For Sasuke’s disciple! And we all live together!” I cried. “You’re the one who made things awkward!”

“You kind of have me there,” she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder before pouring the coffee.

“God, please tell me Izu isn’t coming back while Sora’s here,” I prayed to my coffee.

“How long is Sora staying?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Probably until the awkwardness wins over his desire to get stronger.”

Mari did that same frown that Sasuke did when he was worried.

Then Sora came in, pausing when he saw Mari. “Good morning,” he said, giving her the worst imitation of a smile that I’d ever seen. “Is there coffee?”

Mari nodded her head to the pot.

Sora reached up to take the coffee mug from the cupboard that Mari had previously taken out and put back, poured his coffee, and downed the entire mug in one go.

“Go a little too hard last night?” I teased.

“I don’t look as rough as you,” he replied.

Mari snickered.

They smiled at each other briefly.

Sora filled another cup and made an abrupt exit.

Mari turned her frown on me. “You’re the worst, you know that?”

“What the hell?!” I protested. “Where is this coming from?!”

“It’s bad enough that you drink all the time, but why do you have to drag Sora into it?”

I stared at her. Then I rubbed my eyes before staring at her some more. “I’m too hungover for this.”

She made a disgusted face at me.

“You’re acting like I’m doing something wrong, and I’m not!” I snapped defensively. “And the main reason Sora was drinking so much was because of you, so….”

“Because nothing is ever your fault,” Mari said, rolling her eyes.

“According to you and Sasuke, everything is my goddamn fault.”

“Pretty much.”

“Mari, can we please not fight?” I groaned.

“Whatever.”

“Thank you.”

We finished our coffee in silence.

“You’re not being fair to him,” Mari finally said, putting her mug in the sink.

“To who?”

She sighed loudly. “Sometimes I understand why everyone thinks you’re dumb.” Then she smacked me in the side of my head.

I gaped at her.

“Sasuke literally just admitted that he’s an alcoholic, and you think it’s fine for you to go out drinking all the time?!” she cried, using excessive hand gestures.

“What does that have to do with my drinking?!” I protested.

“Ugh,” she said, stomping out of the room.

I was feeling offended on top of the horrible headache I had. I went outside and shuffled my hand around the gutter until I found the pack of smokes I’d hidden away. Makkun came and rested his head on my knee while I sat and smoked. I patted him absently, trying to find my center.

Sasuke came outside, squinting into the light and looking like death warmed over. He sat down on the ground next to me, reaching for the cigarette dangling from my mouth.

“Babe, come on, you quit,” I said, holding the cigarette away from him.

“So did you,” he graveled at me, still half-asleep. He took the cigarette and took a drag.

I watched him smoke the cigarette that I had bought, and the gears in my head started sluggishly moving.

“I’m going back to bed,” he said abruptly, handing me the remaining stub that barely had a drag left in it.

I watched him go back into the house.

“Want to go for a run?” Sora asked, coming over to me.

“God, no,” I groaned.

“Come on,” he said.

I dragged myself to my feet. I was actually starting to feel better, the good old kyuubi healing kicking in, but I was still sluggish.

Running on sand was the worst.

We ran, and my head started to clear.

“Sora, am I complete asshole?” I asked as we ran.

He half-smiled. “Sometimes.”

“No, really. Am I insensitive?”

He looked at me, not breaking his stride, studying my face carefully. “I’d say more obtuse than purposefully insensitive.”

“Is that better?” I asked.

He shrugged, directing his sight forward again.

We kept running.

“Thanks for last night,” he said, suddenly breaking the silence. “It’s what I needed. I’m too in my head sometimes, you know?”

“I do know,” I agreed. “It’s okay to relax sometimes, kid.”

“Yeah.”

We ran out to the training area and started sparring. Our stomachs rumbling told us when to take a break and go back to the house.

I washed up quickly before heading to the kitchen, happy to see that Mari had made lunch.

Sasuke hadn’t come back down.

I shoveled some food into my mouth before going upstairs. I knocked on the door and received a grunt of acquiescence, so I opened it and stepped inside.

He was still in bed, wrapped up in blankets.

“Mari made lunch,” I said.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. “I’m not really hungry.”

“I could just bring you some rice, you know, so you have something on your stomach,” I offered, eyeing the rows of pills lining our nightstand that remained unopened and untaken.

“Okay,” he agreed.

I smiled at him, and he half-smiled back. I brightened even more, going back downstairs to get the rice. I paused in my task and opened one of the cupboards, grabbing a couple of other things.

“Here,” I said, dumping the other stuff on the bed before handing him the rice and chopsticks.

He frowned at the smoking patches. “Trying to tell me something?” I shook my head. “They’re for me,” I said, opening the box and sticking one on my arm.

“So the cigarettes are for me?” he asked, his mouth twisting in amusement.

“They’re for the trash,” I said, throwing them in the wastebasket next to the bed.

“Don’t waste them,” he said with a frown.

“I shouldn’t have bought them in the first place.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, but you’re just going to buy more, so don’t throw money away when things are tight.”

I blinked. “Money’s tight?”

He sighed, looking away.

“You didn’t tell me…” I said. “I’ll pick up some ninja jobs.”

“It’ll be fine,” he said, waving it off.

“I’m happy to help,” I insisted.

“Well I need you here,” he answered sharply.

I looked at him.

He wouldn’t look me in the eye.

I waited.

“Juugo’s going to Orochimaru’s,” he said suddenly.

“WHAT?!”

“Don’t react like that, you know that Orochimaru knows more about his abilities than anyone else.”

“Which he used and manipulated to make the freaking curse seals!”

“Naruto.”

I took a breath. “Yeah, okay. I know Juugo’s been… losing it more often lately, but I dunno. He belongs with us, not creepy ass Orochimaru.”

“Orochimaru will help him, and then he will come back where he belongs.” There was a little spark in his eyes as he spoke.

“Do you really think he can help?” I asked, sitting next to him. I thought about letting our shoulders brush, then thought better of it.

“He’ll try,” Sasuke said. He handed me the half-empty rice bowl.

I put it on the nightstand.

Sasuke wrinkled his nose.

“So you need me here to take care of the kids or what?” I asked, ignoring his expression. I could take the bowl with me when I went back downstairs, no reason to make two trips.

Sasuke was quiet, still frowning at the rice bowl. “I need you,” he finally said.

“It doesn’t feel like you need me,” I said, trying to keep the hurt out of my voice and failing. “It feels like quite the opposite.”

“Naruto,” he said, voice strained.

“It’s like there’s a hole inside of me, and I keep trying to find ways to fill it, but nothing helps,” I told him, clenching my fists to try and stay calm. “So, yeah, I’ve been drinking a lot lately, and I’m starting to see why that’s not really fair to you, but I need something, some kind of escape. I can’t do this day in and day out, have you stay up in your room all the time and barely talk to me, barely touch me, barely even look at me. This is the most you’ve talked to me all month, Sasuke, and I just… Sas’, baby, love, please, I need something.”

“…I don’t have anything to give to you.”

I started to cry out of frustration and quickly composed myself. “Is this how you feel every day?” I whispered. “Like something’s missing?”

“You could say that.”

I looked at his stoic face. “I can’t imagine what you go through, you know? I really can’t. I wish I was more understanding. I wish I didn’t do stupid things like come home drunk. I’m trying to be better, but it hurts and-fuck I want a cigarette,” I growled, scratching at the patch on my arm. I tried to think about things that weren’t painful and hopeless so I didn’t become an emotional mess again.

“You don’t need to try, Naruto.”

I looked at him with thankfully dry eyes. “Why, you already gave up on me?”

He smacked me in the arm, and it actually filled me with joy. “No, dumbass.”

“Then what?” I asked, trying not to get my hopes up. No matter how much I wanted Sasuke to just shake off his depression, he had to work through it in his own way and in his own time.

“You give me what I need,” he said. “I don’t always want what you have to give, but you always give me what I need.”

“I don’t really think I get it.”

“That’s fine. But if you come into my bed reeking of alcohol one more time I will decapitate you.”

“Okay,” I agreed, because he wasn’t really going to decapitate me. Probably.

“Just stay at Gaara’s,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Even though all you want is an escape, and I’m off selfishly having one?”

“Wow, moron, you actually understood the situation for once.”

“I understand things.”

“You’re an understander?”

“How did you know I was going to say that?”

“Because I love your dumb ass.”

“I love your dumb ass, too.”

“That wasn’t as cute as you think it was,” Sasuke muttered, looking a little happier.

“I’m very cute,” I said, grinning at him.

“You’re fucking old is what you are,” he said, but there was actually humor in his voice so I didn’t get mad.

We sat quietly for a while.

“We’re not good for each other right now,” Sasuke finally said.

“You said you needed me.”

“And that was shitty of me,” he said, shaking his head. “I really just want you to sit at my beck and call while I continue to ignore you.”

“So you admit it,” I said, but there was no ‘ah-ha’ to it. We’d played this game long enough to know all of each other’s moves.

“Go somewhere with Sora. Go travel.”

“I’m not going to just take off on you when Juugo’s gone, too.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“The kids do.”

Sasuke looked down at his lap. “Mari will be here.”

“Well, let’s talk to her,” I said. “I’m not going to just assume that she’s willing to take on all that responsibility, and I don’t want her to feel obligated, either.”

“…can you do it?” The light was already starting to drain from his eyes.

I swallowed. “Yeah. I’ll go talk to her now.” I stood up to leave.

Sasuke caught my wrist.

I swallowed again, willing myself to be the strong, manly man that I always claimed to be.

“I’m going to be better when you come back,” he said. He pushed some chakra into me before letting go.

“When I come back from talking with Mari?” I teased. That little bit of chakra was sending tingles up and down my spine.

“Dummy,” he said, rolling away from me and pulling the covers up.

“That would make me really happy,” I said, watching as Sasuke and the bed slowly became the same inanimate object.

He didn’t answer.

I picked up the bowl from the nightstand and headed down the stairs.

#narusasu #fanfiction #isola post traumatic

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