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uwuyangin · 4 years

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i wish i were her. . . (hyunjin x reader)

✩ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: although (y/n) is only his best friend, she seems to have fallen in love with the one and only hwang hyunjin. however, it appears he has fallen for someone else and all (y/n) could do was watch in jealousy.

✩ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫 + 𝐚/𝐧: based on conan gray’s ‘heather’ song. sorry if this sucks, i’m a bit rusty right now with writing but i’m trying to improve! cursing ahead as well. friend’s to lovers au! credit to original owner of gif.

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you wished it didn’t hurt as much as it did. but you felt like your world was on fire and your body was slowly burning with each inhale and exhale. your vision had become hazy from staring too long, and even a single blink would cause irritation. but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the scene that played before you.

his hands were placed on her hips so naturally and teasingly, almost as if he wanted her to feel them lingering. the subtle tap of his fingers and growing smile of adoration showed that he was indeed paying attention to everything the girl was saying. the right side of his body leaned against the wall for support, and if this were any other moment, you would comment about his cool demeanor. however, your gut was twisting inside at the sight. the girl twirled a piece of hair in her fingers, too distracted by the beauty of him to stop her habit. they talked about anything and everything at the same time; their favorite colors, passions, what they did in their freetime, etc. they never stopped for even one second to pause and take a breath as their conversation was far too engaging. most students would complain about the shortage of time between passing from class to class, but this seemed neverending.

the school bell rang in your ears and shook you up a bit, making you bump backwards into your open locker. shit, only a minute to get to class. as you slammed the locker closed, you overheard their conversation clearly.

“i’ll see you at lunch? the usual spot?” she asked softly.

hyunjin nodded with a smile, his eyes crinkling as well. “yeah, of course. see you then.”

the girl reached up on the highest of her tippy toes and placed a gentle kiss upon his cheek. he stared at her with widened eyes as that was their first interaction of PDA. a grin soon broke on his face and he chuckled to himself as she scurried away not long after.

hyunjin turned in his tracks only to see you standing at your locker with a locked gaze on the tiled floor. typically you were first to enter a classroom so it was weird to see you standing around doing nothing. especially with only one minute left to get to class. he stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed over, a frown on his lips.

“(Y/N)-ah? are you okay?”

this snapped you out of your thoughts as you glanced up at the man before you. he looked so concerned... you always loved the way his lips would pout when he worried about you. It made you feel special in a way. but nothing about this was special. not when you felt like digging yourself in the ground from being second best.

“i’m fine.”

you lied, and it was obvious. hyunjin knew you better than that. at least you liked to believe so. you watched the way his eyebrows furrowed in confusion because you were typically so open to talk to him. simple sentences weren’t something you believed in. rambling was one of your hobbies, and hyunjin loved that about you. it was clear that you were not mentally okay so he sighed and walked a bit closer, trying to examine your face for more evidence.

“i know you’re lying. what’s wrong?” he pressed. he cocked his head to the side with some of his bangs falling in front of his face.

he looked so beautiful like that and all you wanted was to reach out and caress his cheeks. to tell him how much you loved him and that you would do anything for him. literally anything. nothing could ever amount to him and you knew this. you knew you were in over your head with this friendship because he could never see you like that. could he?

“i-i don’t want to talk about it.” you mumbled.

your eyes avoided his though it was hard as all attention was on you. the second bell had run, signifying class had started. you inwardly cursed as you were missing mathematics and you knew you needed to bring up your grade.

“look, I have to get to class-” you started but hyunjin interrupted you.

“hey, hey. i’m not letting you go until you tell me what’s wrong. what are best friends for?”

god, that hurt a lot. best friends. that’s all you’ll ever be. because you could see how head over heels he was over this girl. you’ve never seen him be so happy and giddy, like a new chapter of his life was being discovered.

your frown deepened and hyunjin grew more visibly confused. why were you pushing him way?

“hyunjin, I really don’t want to talk about it with you.” your response was somewhat cold, and emphasized on the ‘with you’ part.

“what is that supposed to mean?”

it was no doubt that he was hurt. you always came to him for everything and now you couldn’t even tell him what was on your mind. he knew that your friendship was important but now it felt as if it was just a gap between the two of you. you couldn’t go to him anymore for things, instead, you depended on yourself. you felt alone even if hyunjin offered to hear you out. it wasn’t the same; it never would be the same. you rolled your eyes, and started on your way only to feel him tug at your arm. you stumbled backwards and scoffed.

“dude, what the hell? i have to get going,” you fumed.

“no, i want to know why you’re acting like this. i know you’re stubborn but not this stubborn. why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong? i want to help.” he insisted, and it was obvious he was growing annoyed.

you let out a bitter laugh. “you want to help me? oh, so now you care. just leave me alone.”

this took him by surprise as he let go of your arm, looking you up and down as if you were someone else. what happened to the (Y/N) he knew? his best friend didn’t act like this. his (Y/N) would’ve given in and hugged him, telling him what was on her mind while he issued advice. he was always known to be the shoulder to lean on but it appears (Y/N) didn’t need him anymore.

“what do you mean? i’ve always cared about you and our friendship. you’re not making any sense-”

“god, hyunjin! i don’t want to talk about it!”

your voice broke at the end, and if you continued to speak anymore then tears would begin to fall. you knew hyunjin hated seeing you cry because it always made him cry. the last thing you needed was being caught in the hallways during classtime in an emotional wreck.

hyunjin’s eyes softened at the sight of you and knew that you would crack any minute. he knew you like the back of his hand, sometimes better than he knew himself. “you can always tell me anything. i want to know what’s wrong, (Y/N)-ah. please stop trying to fight me.”

his words sent you over the edge, and the piled up angst had spilled out. you were angry, upset, and heartbroken. tears released from your eyes and slowly fell from your cheeks, your strong facade fading. he watched in silence as you became a mess in front of him. he wanted to know who hurt you and what he could do to kick their ass. nothing hurt him more than seeing you in such a state.

“it’s you! you’re the problem! you never make time for me anymore, and i feel like i’ve been replaced. we’re supposed to be best friends, right? it doesn’t feel like it anymore.” you exploded, only telling half of the truth.

hyunjin stood frozen in the spot as he was shocked that he was the problem. had he really been making you feel like that? before guilt could settle in, he soon became irritated because he had tried to make plans with you, tried to talk to you, but all you did was push him away. what exactly was he doing wrong? he could tell you were holding back from something and he clicked his tongue at her.

“i have tried to make you feel included in everything i do. i’m sorry if i’m more preoccupied with my time but i do try to fit you in as well. don’t tell me this whole thing is one-sided.” he couldn’t help but to get defensive.

“no, you don’t! all your time goes towards her, and it’s bad enough i’m losing my best friend-” you started but soon cut yourself off, almost outing your feelings. hyunjin rose his eyebrow at you.

“nevermind, i don’t care.”

“no, no. keep going. because as far as i’m concerned, you can’t seem to accept that i finally found someone who i love and you want to be selfish and tell me i should make more time for you? i’m sorry that i have more than one person in my life, (Y/N). but i’m finally happy.”

hyunjin knew his words were quite harsh but they were true. he felt happy, and he felt as if you should see that. if this were the other way around, he would be ecstatic for you. however, his shoulders slumped and his face softened once more at the way you crumbled before him. you were crying more than before, and it looked as if he went too far.

“i am in love with you, hyun. but i can see you don’t feel the same.”

your words were so soft and broken. he froze in his spot, his ears perking up at the word ‘love’. his whole body felt on fire and his cheeks warmed up from being put on the spot. despite his flustered state, hyunjin tried to reach out towards you. “wait, w-what?”

“it doesn’t matter.” you forced out and wiped at your tears before brushing past him, wanting to just head home and skip the rest of your classes.

as you continued on out the entrance of the school, hyunjin remained in his spot while staring blankly at the ground. he felt so dumb, and the guilt was beginning to settle in. you were in love with him, his best friend was in love with him. he felt his chest clench as he felt the second hand heartbreak you had been experiencing these past couple of weeks. he had been unintentionally hurting you and because of his defensive state, he had told you that she was more of a priority. he felt stupid and helpless in that moment. but more importantly, hyunjin felt defeated as he knew that things would never return to the way they were. though he should feel platonically about this situation, something in him was ignited about the fact that you were in love with him. so he leaned against the lockers and slowly slid down, collapsing against the tiles. all he could do was sit there and think about what to do next, regret filling his system.

let me know if you would like a part two. :)

#stray kids #stray kids angst #stray kids scenarios #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #angst #kpop angst #kpop au #heather #conan gray #songfic

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