#and 2. its loud and 3. its complex to use/clean (its a blender)
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Tired, in pain, can't sleep at all. This sucks.
#oh eggs are simple!#diary#personal#disordered eating#so like. i want to eat better. but. the amount of work i need to achieve that seems impossible#like. i need things to be easy and fesible for me to do.#buuuuut i have all these hidden limitations like. i just hate touching/dealing with raw meat or eggs or anything#its bc my moms germophobia transfered to me 💀#and like. i wont use x machine bc 1. im scared of where its placed it might have splatter from *something*#and 2. its loud and 3. its complex to use/clean (its a blender)#and all pans are just hard to predict when theyll be clean and it bothers me so i dont try to cook much lately#bc i can never plan when ill have energy#and theres too many meals in a day!!! and i refuse to do anything without hyper research!!!!!#LIKE I MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT FOR MYSELF THAT IT STRESSES ME OUT A TON AND IM TIRED. really tired#and looking at quick recipes are all like no they arent!!!! its stressful!!!!#whats super annoying is i make more complex things regularly bc theyre just something simple to me.#...tho not necessarily. just. ugh. its annoying and contradictory#idk how to eat well and keep myself alive#i like trying new things but i also eat very VERY selectively#why cant i just have a pill or something and never eat unless i wanna#its infuriating and stressful and idk what to do about it.#rules rules rules rules rules rules rules. so many arbitrary horrible hard to understand rules.#pls give me suggestions if u want. just fyi im also super picky with fruits n veggies... honestly how am i still alive????#probably bc i live with my parents haha... ha.#i think id be on disability or homeless otherwise.#or something idk. im a mess. send help pls.
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