#am I being sensitive idk
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y’all remember we’re talking ab allegations of pedophilia and human trafficking and domestic violence right. real-life abuse. this isn’t fucking hannibal or Genshin or some shit even as a joke these posts are fucking weird
#sorry i turned rbs off this post is radioactive#og tags ->#am I being sensitive idk#but kdot’s been talking ab a very well-documented history of drake w predators and being a predator#also allegations of him abusing his partner#why make posts like this#x#kendrick lamar
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uh hi i don't know what i'm doing. being cute?? maybe??
#hopefully???#idk the more i look at this the more i CRINGE#like im cute sure.... but Am I Fuckable or am i being cringe#ALSO MY TONGUE IS SO FAT WTF IS THIS#i was like i gotta cover that dang thing up somehow#be so niceys to me im sensitive#good girl speaks#jester.jpg
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merry christmas eve is this a good time to fess up to being ao3 writer baselinerallies
#im done living in secrecy. im tired of hiding. its time to be true to myself.#also cat keeps laughing at me and at this point i need to fess up before i do smth ridiculous#and maya was v nice abt it too and it made me feel better abt it#but yeah idk im kinda just! more comfortable being open abt it now! so yeah here we are#or at least id like to be more comfortable abt it#but i thiiiink you guys are sweet enough that im not super duper terrified to admit it#and id like to start talking abt my writing on here#but like skdbfksjdk#……….pls be nice i am sensitive abt this#but feel free to ask me stuff#if you guys want :’)#okay im done im gonna post this before i chicken out#tennisms
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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i actually do feel like ive been doing slightly better at this lately though.. like replying to peoples posts and trying to initiate conversations and dms and stuff... so i am winning a bit
#🎇#and i mean. i actually do know how to socialise. i am fine at it#i just experience the horrors constantly & dont like to burden people with my existence when its unwanted & say things uninvited & etc#i do want more people in my life im comfortable with so i dont feel these things talking to people all the time but man#ig it's hard because i don't blame people for not being that interested in talking to me when i don't make it easy to talk to me#and i struggle so much with like. when i bring up a topic and they dont really show interest & im like o. ok. and then i just never want to#bring up anything because it keeps happening and it's easier to just talk about things they like#but then that makes me boring and hard to talk to because i dont offer anything to the conversation but its because i feel like my existenc#is pointless to the conversations we have because nothing i say going to get a response so we may as well just talk about what u want#idk. i know its a personal problem of mine and i should be fine just saying whatever i want etc and i might be misinterpreting the signs#because im hypersensitive to it after the shit ive been through#but its something im conscious of at least and i do try to continue to bring things up and offer things to talk about and stuff anyway#ive been trying to do it more lately. and starting conversations even if i feel unwanted because i know its likely just me being#overly sensitive . and continuing to reply to peoples post even if they never reply because im probably oversensitive about that too. etc#i want to make friends arg
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#ive got this awful feeling i just want to scoop out#i feel stupid and sensitive#like ive hardened myself to all this shit so the fact that i’m being affected by it is also making me mad at myself#my family didn’t want me around for thanksgiving and didn’t want me there for the family christmas party and didn’t want to#spend christmas with me because my mom doesn’t want me around the extended family because of how far in my transition i am#and my gf put off asking her fam about bringing me over for christmas for a month#and barely just asked and it sounds like they don’t want me there either#and tbh i kinda knew they wouldn’t#but also i feel like my gf also didn’t actually want me there which is why she put off asking for so long#and idk#i felt like with how far along i am in emotionally and physically recovering from stuff#and then also having a partner for the holidays for the first time#i would’ve left my sad sandra bullock era. but i have not#the only person who wants me around for the holidays is my dad and ive got such a weird relationship with him#and it literally would just be me and him alone#my dads side of the family doesn’t want me there either bc of the trans thing i just feel really fuckin#disgusting#feeling very goop monster
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Am I the only one who won't be really upset if Sabine is Force-sensitive in the Ahsoka show?
Like, yeah, I acknowledge that it goes against established things in Rebels and not every character needs to be force-sensitive. but also. my inner 12-year-old won't be complaining if my specialest blorbo gets to float things.
#like idk. a lot of the people i talk to about the ahsoka show irl have been viciously opposed to the idea of force-sensitive sabine#which i understand#but also. as someone with a force-sensitive sabine au. i am admittedly a little fond of the idea?#and then all the people telling me it's a horrible concept get me feeling down about it#because like. i get that an au is different from canon. that's the whole point of an au.#and something happening in canon =/= something happening in an AU#but they don't KNOW i have an AU of that because no way am i telling these people about my fanfic-writing alter ego#and so they don't care about bashing on it#and i know this is stupid but some of the people at work were talking so much about it being awful that for a good 10 minutes#i tried to think of ways to retcon sabine's force-sensitivity in time heals because i convinced myself that everyone thought it was stupid#until i forced myself to remember that i ain't kriffin writing for THEM#and if i want my blorbo to FLOAT THINGS#then my blorbo is GONNA FLOAT THINGS#jessica's controversial star wars opinions
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okay sorry but i keep asking one of my friends to let me know when she's free so we can do something because i haven't seen her since 2022 and she never gets back to me because she's That Busy and then she just told me that her and her coworkers are going out 🧍🏽♀️like can you just tell me to go fuck myself at this point 😭
#this is not a “im your only friend” thing because im not that insane#but like omg...#i've asked So Many times and it's silence#sorry that i want to actually see people...#like idk. maybe im being too sensitive about but also wtf#and she lives like 10 minutes away from me#i am surely having A Night#lisa.txt
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ok i literally only did two prompts but thats it for now i will get to the ones in my inbox tomorrow ✌️✌️
#chronic pain rlly be like this tho#i hate feeling like i have to justify taking breaks like. its due to impostor syndrome honestly.#same w putting watermarks or dont repost disclaimers on my art#i didnt do it for a long time cuz i was like eh its not good enough for that#but like it doesnt matter if its good or not its still like... my art and i should safeguard it#what was i talking about again OH YEAH chronic pain#i felt kinda shitty for not being able to draw as much cuz my art feels more simple than rendered stuff#that ppl could churn out in a day#but like. im litrally physically disabled bro and also it doesnt matter how 'simple' i draw its still stress on my body#idk one person was mean to me and it made me sensitive lmao#anyway.... ill draw whats left in my inbox and then afterwards i'll be back to doing requests thru kofi#i did raise the price of my doodles but it is because of my arm pain im sorry if u think my doodles are worth less#but i am willing to negotiate if u genuinely cant afford it depending on complexity
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my partner is going to be looking for a part time job (wfh atm) and im bawling at my job bc i dont want us to have conflicting schedules bc if we do im going to be so fucking alone at the apartment and i cant deal with myself alone
#im so worried#i am just#i do not want to be alone i am not ok being left alone#bad shit always happens and i always get left alone#and forgotten and idk just i cant fucking bear it#shutup sensitive#god#im jsut#bruh#and i fucking#changed my life and it was just fetting better#it was juuust tfndndnf i moved away two yesrs ago and i jsut#i dont have a good feeling about this#uuuuugggh
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basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it
#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried#im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that#im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal#just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭#and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails#like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow#and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things#like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice#and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off#she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭#why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin#AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed#im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim#like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now#and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT#but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work#like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough#the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY#hella goes home
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maaaan it's a weird vibe when a youtuber with the conceit that they're a licensed clinical therapist actively talks about how they don't accept sponsorships they don't put their full backing behind, and then that same youtuber accepts a supplement sponsorship repackaged as "bedtime hot chocolate"
#kat chats#sorry to randomly bring this here lol this feels more like a tweet but#idk i didn't want to try to chop it down#idk idk maybe i'm being ~sensitive~ most youtubers accept sponsorships from shitty companies#but i take issue with this one in particular bc this person is SO anti wellness machine#and anti capitalist and anti bunk science and stuff#and so when you have that as the basis for her entire audience and then you promote a sleep supplement#even if You Are only talking about the personal effects you had when you took it#the supplement itself is masquerading as a science backed and clinically trialed product#and i am sure there was a trial and i am sure it was clinical but there's no insight into that trial's methodology#if there was a control group#if variables were involved#AND it's not certified by the FDA which granted no supplement is#and the FDA has its own issues#but idk if this study is even peer reviewed#and so basically all that is to say it frustrates me because this person's audience is here BC they believe in her credentials#and to advertise this supplement to them lends credibility to a company that is SPECIFICALLY trying to masquerade as scientific#when its trials methodologies are hidden and therefore not repeatable#maybe i shouldn't care so much#but it Bothers Me
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#I’m so tired of being the way that I am dude#I’m sensitive and fragile and emotional about fucking everything#I’ve been pulling away from my friends the past few months so that they don’t have to deal with it#but now it’s just being put on my online friends#and I hate it so much#I don’t know how to change#I don’t know how to not get upset over so much#sometimes I feel like I’ve come far and other times I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all#it’s so frustrating because it makes me so paranoid#do people dislike me because of this? are they talking about me? am I just a burden that people tolerate?#I just want to be fucking normal lol and I don’t know how#I’m too autistic and just a huge baby about everything all the time#I’m so stressed and overwhelmed about so much lately#but I can’t just keep using that as an excuse#do people just roll their eyes when I apologize because they’re tired of it and know it will happen again?#I want to just hide away#so that people don’t have to deal with me#and it sucks because I’m not saying all this to be like woe is me please feel sorry for me please reassure me#I’m just getting my feelings out#now is a great time for my schedule to be changing to not allow for regular therapy lol#idk man#I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
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having opinions in this fandom but not saying any of them
#its too hard and takes too long to articulate what i wanna say#and i dont want to get into it with anyone really. so i will just sit here. stewing in mild frustration. its fine#part of it is also bc like. i do have points i think i could make#however i also know that at least some part of it is also just me being biased/overly sensitive and i dont want that to bleed thru#idk. ive said too much (has not said anything and is in fact just vagueing my own opinions in the tags)#also shoutout to this image i didnt have one for this post at first so i pulled up a big stickman reaction pic compilation post i had saved#and this one was so perfect like yes that is how i feel simmering in my feelings at my computer thank u#discourse#<- well not really this is all 100% vagueing but the vibes are bad u know#i am just making this post in the hopes that it frees my brain from said bad vibes by putting them out into the world#anyways does anyone want to walk into the sea with me
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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Thank you for bearing with me while I was temporarily put back on my hinges. Currently sourcing a screwdriver and a hammer to become properly unhinged again
#y'all are real ones#still feeling a certain sort of way but#they def dumped the warp core on this one#idk i am a sensitive little sunflower but I pretend I'm not#I think it was cause it was meant as like fun jokey but the underlying message was what I've been told since forever#gotta find the creation motivation again#and I HATE being told what to do especially by people who don't know what I'm doing#and by people 99.9% of the time it's men and fuck that#if janeway don't need no man then why would I#also might be having the (rare) resurgence of hormones it happens like once a year and it's always terrible zero stars#well aware that should be a monthly thing but I am built different (incorrectly)#tiny breakdown part of overarching larger wtf am I gonna do with my life
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