#also the book has some AMAZING dragon designs like holy shit
Note
NO SAY YOUR DRAGON PIECE I WANNA HEAR
AAAAAAA!!! I REALLY WAS JUST GONNA GET SAPPY FOR A MOMENT IS ALL BUT FUCK IT NOW IM GOING!!!!
truly didn't think anyone wanted to see my bullshitting in the tags but uh here we go
LONG POST AHEAD (SPIN WENT FUCKING BRRR)
[below the cut is me being very sappy about my love for dragons]
Intro
Okay so I know you might mean about got/hotd (and i will get there) but I very much adore dragons and just need to scream about them for a sec.
Ever since I was little, I always had a huge affinity for dragons. I don't know what exactly drew me in but it probably had something to do with their amazing designs, colors, and personalities they got to have. I own like several different dragon books (4-7) because that's how obsessed I was as a kid. I wanted to know anything and everything about them, not realizing dragons have such a vast lore and change between depictions-- but little me did not give a fucking shit. I collected a book that went through like the basic overview of dragons, I got another book (drawing book) that went through different types of dragons, and a few more that I can't remember off the top of my head. Anything remotely dragon related I wanted because I was that kid. Not to mention the vast amount of drawings and writings I did about dragons. I made oc dragons, backstories, came up with a different language — I’m pretty sure I even talked about dragons in my school work. I was obsessed man (still am).
Now I watched a lot of different shows/movies/games even that had some dragon in it-- and it would instantly become my favorite thing from it. So obliviously , I grew attachments to a lot of them but here a just a handful who mean the most to me, the dragon kid--
Mulan - Mushu
I will never not love this funky lil man, okay? Like who the fuck doesn’t want a little pocket sized dragon to follow you around?
He's giddy, exuberant, and most importantly funny. Honestly, why I probably love Mulan so much is for him alone. I know I wished, for like the longest time, to have a lil dragon who would follow me around everywhere/talk to me— that was the dream for me. Although the boosts himself up to sound all big and bad dragon, he really comes across as friendly which I enjoyed a lot. He’s comedic but in the end proves that’s he’s truly has a big heart. Most book depreciations I had read had always either made the dragon big and scary or like all-knowing and untouchable. For me, as a kid, Mushu was a little hilarious red dragon that could keep me company, give me advice (albeit maybe a little bad), or just chill in my company. He was the almost ideal dragon in my brain I wanted to bond with and take on grand adventures.
Spirited Away - Haku/Kohaku
Now, I preface this with I have Spirited Away in DVD— and would put that disk in religiously; that was my movie.
I love Spirited Away (one of the first anime movies I ever watched) for all the incredible character designs and to the sheer magnitude of the fantastical setting it take places. As a kid, I wanted to explore those strange worlds between and see all different types of people, creatures and just experience fantasy. Like, yeah is it pretty fucked up watching your parents turn into pigs-- but holy shit, yall see No-Face???? My fucking beloved right there; I adored them immediately when I watched that movie. like their design, although “basic” is very fucking cool and they’re such an amazing fucking character, even without having to say much. Absorbing creatures and using their voices to speak but also gaining their personality-- there is so many layers to No-Face, it’s impossible not be intrigued and infatuated with them. (
I say all this (not cause i was drawn off subject) to say--
Of course was also drawn to Haku. Yes, kid me had a big fucking crush on him(i mean truly who didn’t have a crush on hm bro); he fits my lovely lil blorbo niche perfectly. The stoic yet observant character was very interesting to me and I wanted to know more about him upon immediately seeing him. Then there was his dragon form, which is one of my favorites till this day; the white and green fur is iconic. He’s a bit more feral in that form but he’s not feral for no reason. His name has been stolen from him, forgotten so he acts accordingly; untrusting, aloof, and callous until Chihiro saves him from Yubaba’s control. Once gets his real name again, he’s free again and he does what he is meant to do. The reveal of him being a river spirit, and the way in which his dragon moves, smooth and flowing like water-- it’s simply perfect!!!
HTTYD - Toothless
Now I wasn’t the biggest biggest fan of How To Train Your Dragon (I say having seen the 2nd movie in theater), I did enjoy the seeing all the varied types of dragons in the show, especially Toothless. First off, Night Fury is a hard name for a species of dragon. The concept of a disabled dragon was something I’ve never seen before, and it was very cool to see a dragon adapt to having an artificial limb. Then there was also the retractable teeth, which I thought was fucking cool too. Toothless’s curious, cat-like, personality was very nice to see and I enjoy the little goober.
Hobbit Trilogy - Smaug
I know The Hobbit trilogy gets a lot of shit but I can’t help but to like it for a bunch of different reasons. One of those being Smaug. Look I know every other dragon on this list has been actually either sweet or they’re not really mean but I just had to like this motherfucker.
Foremost I absolutely adore his design, I think he also has another great and amazing dragon design. The sheer eyes scene at the end of ‘An Unexpected Journey”, had lil ol kid me wiggling in my fucking seat. He’s so fucking big (even though he’s one of the smaller ones in the universe) and seeing how easily he tore about Laketown in meer seconds was terrifying-- but also super cool. His look and movements are very fucking creepy too. The way he shifts around when talking to Bilbo when he first discovers him, it’s very clear it is a predator stalking his prey. He knows he’s intimidating and uses that to his advantage; keeping his movements slow so his “victims” can get the idea that he is this massive, undefeatable being. He’s proper and respectable, his ego and pride getting the best of him because he knows there’s nothing they can do to hurt him; they can’t possibly kill him. Then when he’s finally angered, his stature changes and he begins using his body like the weapon it’s designed to be. He’s agitated and swats with his tail and tries biting a whole lot more because at this point he doesn’t give a fuck.
Smaug is such a douche of a dragon too, he embodies the typical dragon instincts (wanting his big ol pile of dwarf gold) whilst being a snarky bitch about it. He’s both archetypes of dragons in one, all knowing and an asshole, who doesn’t care who the fuck he’s got to hurt to get to his fucking gold. He toys with Bilbo, simultaneously warning him of Thorin’s downfall but also making him fear the things to come. Then when he finally sees Thorin again, he eggs him on-- knowing how easily he gets under his skin, knowing that really he can’t do anything to hurt him; he does the same thing with Bard. He uses his words to pick and pry at people’s head because he’s got a superiority complex; he is a high being, why should he listen to anyone else? I love how strong his ego was, how much he really gave no shit about anyone else and how even visceral his death was-- like watching a flame finally die out.
GOT/HOTD - Rhaegal, Viserion, Drogon, Syrax, Caraxes (spoilers btw)
What you’ve all been waiting for!!! So funnily enough, I did come into the GOT scene pretty late (around s6-ish) and I really enjoyed lots of things about the series-- especially the dragons.
I adore the design of these boys so much-- they huge, different colors, spiky and look like they can (and very much will) turn your ass to dust. But at the same time we can see their thoughts and emotions through their eyes, how they process the words from Dany or the emotions from others. I truly think they have a level of empathy, besides with Dany, and their little softening expressions as they recognize those emotions and then go about doing their dragon business.
The depiction of dragons in GOT is really one of my favorite, because just like humans they have bonds, whether it’s between their rider or even each other. Rhaegal, Viserion, and Drogon being Dany’s children was so sweet to me because even through the struggles they recognized her as their rider, their mother and wanted to protect her and they also see each other as family. They’re a unit! It did hurt badly seeing their reactions to Viserion’s death and then Drogon’s was painful because their own little family fell right a part through their fingers. We see how badly Dany takes it but also Drogon who loses his brother’s and his mother in the process. He’s hurting just as bad but there is no comfort as he still wants to follow his mom to the end, and there’s no sympathies for him from anyone. I like to think him burning the throne was a way for him to process his ever growing grief, destroying the thing that had destroyed the only family he had ever known.
Okay so with HOTD I am very happy to see dragons back again, like bro I missed them so much.
I love the relationship that Syrax and Rhaenyra have, it’s so sweet and perfectly mimics how Dany was with her children. It’s very clear the dedication the two of them have between each other and she easily picks up on Rhaenyra’s emotions. I love Syrax’s color, although there is something about her face shape that I don’t really like, she’s a beautiful dragon.
Then there’s Caraxes (i apologize for the bias that is about to come out). I fucking adore Caraxes, his design is literally everything, like god he’s so fucking badass. The blood red color, the horns; truly a magnificent dragon indeed. I read somewhere that he’s deformed which is why the way he looks like how he does and also sound like that and I still think its amazing. He works with his elongated body, using his long neck like he’s a snake. He’s so fucking beautiful, I adore him.
It’s very clear he’s got the same strong bond with Daemon and he’s clearly very protective of him. Perhaps they bond in a way because they both feel out of place in the family (dragon lineage for Caraxes) because they’re so different from everyone else.
In conclusion - i think got/hotd dragons and their riders should go off and chill on beaches and be happy because they deserve it.
Closing
Now if you made it this far (or just scrolled all the way down), I congratulate you; you made it through me losing my entire fucking mind. Truly I haven’t had a big time to talk about dragons like this in a while or in such detail and if you read I hope you enjoyed my thoughts. There are so many cool and interesting things about these creatures and I always and happy to see all different sorts of approaches to them. Anyways ramble over.
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March 7, 2021: Wolfwalkers (Review)
Well, it’s not a 98%. Close enough, though...
Because this film is...fantastic. It’s amazing! Come on, it’s such a good movie, what else were you expecting? This one was a corker, it was just a good time. And I’m definitely watching this one again, I promise you that.
But here’s the real question: is it my favorite Cartoon Saloon film? Well...
Yeah, sorry, Song of the Sea still takes that role for me. And to be honest, The Breadwinner gives it a run for its money, too. Definitely better than The Secret of Kells, although...not that much better. I’ll elaborate, I promise. But this is still a great movie! ALL of Cartoon Saloon’s films are great movies, come on!
But, since it’s not a straight-up 100%, I’ll break it down, as well as my very unimportant issues with it. So, let’s get into it. Check out Part One and Part Two of the Recap for more, if you’d like!
Review
Cast and Acting: 10/10
Yeah, if this movie has one thing over the Ghibli films, it’s the voice acting. And yeah, I realize that I’m judging this English-language film vs. the dubbed Ghibli films, and that’s unfair. But even without the Ghibli films factored in...this movie’s got some fantastic voice acting. I can say quite honestly that there isn’t a weak performance in the bunch. Worst ones are probably the two farmers, and they’re completely fine. Climbing on up, we’ve first got Tommy Tiernan (as Sean, and he’s pretty great) and Simon McBurney (as Oliver Cromwell, and he does a fantastic job). Then, Sean Bean and Maria Doyle Kennedy as the concerned parents, and hot damn, they’re great. Kennedy barely gets time to shine, but is great when she does. And Bean? Holy shit, Sean Bean is fucking AMAZING in here!
But no...no, they’re all outright bad compared to the stars of the film, and some of the best young voice actors I’ve ever heard. Don’t know what it is about Cartoon Saloon, but they always get great kids for their films, and Honor Kneafsey and Eva Whittaker might be their best! These two are powerhouses of the film, and their voices inhabited those characters perfectly. I mean it when I say that these two were perfect. Bravo!
Plot and Writing: 8/10
Here’s where the film is a touch weaker than the other Cartoon Saloon films for me, because while this was a good story by Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart, with great writing by Will Collins, it wasn’t their most impactful for me. It’s also, to be honest, quite predictable. Which, no, isn’t a bad thing for a kids’ movie, but it was noticeable. Here’s the thing: Song of the Sea wasn’t super predictable. I was touched and surprised by the ending, and it’s still my favorite of the Saloon films. The Breadwinner...oof, yeah, I had no idea how that one would end. And Kells wasn’t as unpredictable, but it also had some major surprises in store that kept me on my toes. But Wolfwalkers? Didn’t feel it. Knew that Moll would be OK at the end, and that was the main crux of the tension of the story. Now, that said...there were still definitely things that surprised me, like Bill getting bitten, and the two retaining their status as Wolfwalkers in the end. That did surprise me, and it definitely isn’t like the story was bad, even a little bit. Just was basically what I expected.
...Except for Cromwell dying. WHAT THE FUCK. The Cartoon Saloon universe has a REALLY interesting alternate history, I tell you what! Goddamn, I hope they do one that takes place in the USA with some of our folklore and mythology. Like...OOH, I GOT ONE. Paul Bunyan story! Do something with Bunyan and the Ox. Or OOH, EVEN BETTER, Pecos Bill! Actually, maybe not Pecos Bill. John Henry? Eeeeeh, that might be complicated. I dunno, but there’s something there, Cartoon Saloon! There is something there.
Directing and Cinematography: 10/10
I mean...it’s Cartoon Saloon. It’s amazing. Tomm Moore is great again, joined this time by writing partner Ross Stewart. Looks like Nora Twomey is working on another film called My Father’s Dragon, and I am READY for that shit. But yeah, I mean...come on. It’s funny, because this movie’s production and release were heavily affected by COVID-19, and it doesn’t show. There is a single criticism that I can give to it, but it doesn’t belong in this section. Because the directing and cinematography are typically amazing. Goddamn beautiful. As for the one potential flaw...
Production and Art Design: 9/10
Understand: this is a nitpick. Bu if I had to pick on anything here, it’s simply the animation cells showing the sketches lying underneath. Now, Disney ended up doing this with an era of films in the 1960s and ‘70s (The Many Adventures of Winne-the-Pooh, Robin Hood, The Jungle Book, the Aristocats all did this), but it’s still a little distracting here. And that’s it. Character design is goddamn amazing, and actually made me want to start drawing a bit. The artistry of the backgrounds and set-pieces is stellar, and the stylized designs of Cartoon Saloon somehow never get old to me! It’s just...amazing. Like I said: the underlying sketch thing really is a nitpick, and I don’t even mind it, personally. It’s honestly good to see the work behind a 2-D animated movie, you know? So, yeah, just the one point.
Music and Editing: 10/10
Bruno Coulais and Kila knock this music out of the park all-around, and I have nothing negative to say about it. I’m not sure which track is going in my playlist, but one of them is. Maybe “Running with the Wolves”, and I’m only a little ashamed to admit that. OK, what about the editing by Richie Cody, Darren Holmes, and Darragh Byrne? I mean...yeah, it’s amazing, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Animated films rarely have poor visual editing (unless they’re REALLY bad), and the sound editing usually takes the hit. However, no such problem here. Again, sound editing is fantastic in this movie, from voice mixing to sound effects to overall balance. It’s all pretty goddamn great. No complaints here.
Yeah, 94%. I mean, of course, right?
Sure, it’s not Ghibli-levels of profound, but it is fantastic all the same. Who cares about profundity, anyway? It’s just a good goddamn movie! And like I said in the beginning, I’ll be watching this again very soon. Beautiful.
But I think it’s time to start wrapping up the animated portion of this month with something closer to home. Now, I’d love to do Disney, and I was actually going to see Raya and the Last Dragon in theaters this week (yeah, really, not kidding), but other stuff got in the way. And I’ve seen all Disney films other than that. So, what’s another fully American studio who’s produced a movie that I somehow haven’t seen? And, that movie has to be fantasy? Well...
March 7, 2021: Onward (2020)
#wolfwalkers#cartoon saloon#tomm moore#honor kneafsey#eva whittaker#Sean Bean#simon mcburney#tommy tiernan#maria doyle kennedy#fantasy march#user365#365 movie challenge#365 movies 365 days#365 Days 365 Movies#365 movies a year#nyssalance
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Mina-san, bonne lecture~! (Tsuki recaps his feelings about Kamen Rider Saber, a personal essay.)
So, Saber... what a wild ride it's been, huh? Just a quick heads up, this is very long and rambling, and also contains spoilers for everything in Saber. It's fine if you don't wanna read all this, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there.
TL:DR, Kamen Rider Saber's an undercooked hot mess I absolutely adore, warts and all.
Speaking as objectively as possible, it's a 6/10. Probably closer to a 5 than a 7... it's not great: All the different plot elements are cluttered and weirdly paced; character focus is disjointed and clearly biased toward certain characters, leaving great ones like Kento and Ogami, interesting ones like Kamijo and Hayato, and underdeveloped ones like Sophia and especially the Shindais in the dust; not to mention its balance of comedy and drama is off, and while both are very effective, there's a lot of mood whiplash that can take you out of the story. I also feel like a lot of the easily avoidable character conflict could've been easily resolved, even in universe, by simple conversations. Be careful Fukuda, I think Inoue might sue you if he finds out you've been biting his style and doing it worse.
Rider shows have a very frustrating tendency to drop cool form ideas and not do anything with them, and I don't think it's ever been more the case than with Saber. There's a similar argument to be made with the majority of Heisei Phase 2 after Gaim, but wow. The suits are expensive to make without just straight up recycling everything, I get that, but man, I really wanted to see more Wonder Rider forms. How come Touma got all the fun, eh? Of note are the Blades King of Arthur forms (which look amazing by the way), Espada's Jaaku Dragon forms (one of which I even drew last night), even the non-elemental random Wonder Ride Books all have awesome design elements that go tragically unused. Even if the other Swordsmen just kinda have the ones they do get to use slapped onto them, that's at least something. Touma also just straight up only uses Diago Speedy twice and never again. You have cool props guys, don't waste them like that!
Speaking of waste, Espada, goddamn. Since most of the Wonder Ride Books are Story Type and he needs one very specific Story Book to transform, he doesn't get much of... anything, really! No Wonder Rider forms like Blades, Lamp Do Cerberus being exclusive to Ganbarizing, only getting to use the Ride Gatriker like once, he even spends the second and third arcs as a completely different Rider, then once he comes back he doesn't get a King of Arthur-granted upgrade or even a Necrom Espada form. ...at least, not yet anyway. I'm holding out hope for Espada x Necrom and the eventual Saber V-Cinemas. Extra Rider stans, we will be well respected someday.
The Unreal Engine CGI used for fights in early Chapters was pretty good but wow it feels disconnected and they really drop it quick. I feel like if the animators had more freedom to use as many forms as they want, we'd have gotten a lot more mileage out of the books beyond... decoration basically. I actually really liked the CGI sequences, they felt creative and were fun to follow along with.
The soundtrack is pretty great on its own and conveys what it needs to, but they seriously overplay the orchestral themes. It honestly feels kind of... stock at times. I think my favorite parts of the score are when it winds down, since it feels a lot more natural and lets the cinematographers and actors speak for themselves.
As awesome as I think Falchion's design and the Mumeiken Kyomu are, The Phoenix Swordsman and the Book of Ruin comes up short as its own standalone thing. You'd think 30 or so minutes of non-stop action would be awesome, and it almost is? It's as good as a typical episode of the series with a higher action budget, but it kinda drags on a bit too long; and although I think Emotional Dragon looks cool, it feels a bit tacked on. Coming off of the incredible Zero-One REAL×TIME, it doesn't give you much room to breathe, which Rider films are typically great at handling. I also thought the resolution for the kid's subplot was kinda forced. He does an okay job at acting considering his age and doesn't overstay his welcome, but I really don't see how 20 minutes of violence and action is enough to convince him to be brave enough to go play with the other kids. 5/10, it's closer to a 4 than a 6 and I think that maybe Zero-One should've stood on its own if they really had to push back Kiramager Bee-Bop Dream because of the pandemic.
Alright, with all that said... As imperfect and undercooked Saber was, like Ghost I can consider it a personal favorite, 10/10. Call it a guilty pleasure if you want, but holy hell it's just the show I needed. Takuro Fukuda has a talent for creating fun, wonderful characters and utterly fascinating worldbuilding and concepts. It's a shame he doesn't utilize them fully, but hey!
The action and fight choreography are pretty top notch as usual. Lots of beautiful shot composition and set pieces, and plenty of great angles to help keep up with the extra busy action. I love watching the suit actors perform and they deserve all the respect in the world for their hard work in those hot, sweaty, and heavy costumes. Their visual design is also top notch, with lots of unique and fascinating forms and cool weapons I desperately want to play with despite being broke, all with spectacular finishers and hype jingles with the voice of Akio motherfucking Ohtsuka calling them out. A real feast for the eyes. Not a single bad suit among them, yeah I said it, fight me.
The crossover specials are soooo good too.
-I went over my feelings on the Zenkaiger crossover episodes in a separate post (good luck finding that btw), but to sum it up, they were great character moments for Zox and the Shindai siblings with lots of great screwball comedy and some good old fashioned meta humor.
-The Ghost crossovers are great little side stories all about how Daitenku Temple somehow had the Ghost Ijunroku Wonder Ride Book? I genuinely have no idea why it was there, or how Makoto had the Specter Gekikou Senki, and as far as I remember neither of their origins are explained. Did Luna or Tassel hand them off to them and told them to wait for a sword guy? And why do these generic French Revolution Gamma villains working for Danton get their asses handed to them so easily by Kanon, who literally just became a Rider? I thought that Makoto deciding to adopt all the Kanon clones into his family was both hilarious and adorable though; considering all the crap they went through, I think it was a good ending to this plot. Gimme Espada x Necrom already Toei/Bandai/Fukuda/whoever I need to yell at, give Kento things to do, I beg you.
-I haven't actually seen Super Hero Senki since it's not available for subbing yet, but apparently there's a Journey to the West plot starring the Taros and Ohma Zi-O and I want to see that so badly.
Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra? Yoohei Kawakami? A match made in heaven, that's what they are. All of their themes are absolute bangers. All of them. Almighty, Kamen Rider Saber, Sparks, Taju Rokou, all excellent and empowering pieces. Rewrite the Story, Will Save Us, and The Story Never Ends are all amazing inserts done by the cast, and it makes me wish we had even more of them to help break up the monotony of the score.
The characters are what easily make this show such a great watch though. For the most part, they have great personalities and chemistry, consistently fun and interesting scenes, well acted and... sometimes well-written development, and deeply investing personal stakes.
Narrating it all is the delightfully eccentric Tassel/Viktor, portrayed by Romanesque Ishitobi "TOBI" of the Paris-based Les Romanesques. I was utterly confused by his presence at first, wondering why there needed to be a narrator when the story would've been perfectly fine without it. He even got a special spot in the opening despite having no stake in the plot despite seeming to live in Wonderworld, who the hell is this guy? But then I thought "OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD". I thought it'd be some subversion of expectations, true form, "That Was His Mistake!" shit. Trust me, it made a lot more sense in my head. I'm very happy that they didn't do that, as I grew to love having male Yuuka Kazami as my narrator, and when he was shown to be actually important by being friends with Yuri my mind was blown. And doubly so when I realized just how deeply necessary to the plot he really is.
Rintaro/Blades is up there as one of my all time favorite secondary Riders, since his curiosity is always consistently funny and adorable, his forms are all gorgeous and impressively designed, his relationships with Mei and Touma are absolutely sweet and compelling to see unfold, and his arcs about becoming willing to call out those he views as family and coming to terms with his feelings of inadequacy and both moving past and using them to strengthen himself are always great lessons to pass on to kids. ...even if they took like 10 goddamn episodes to be conveyed in what could've been 5, but hey, Takaya Yamaguchi does a stand-up job all throughout. Rider veteran Eitoku's refined, almost logical movements with the Suiseiken Nagare absolutely beautiful to see in action, and his final form having the same white and blue color scheme as Zooous's base form is an amazing touch I don't see appreciated enough.
Mei Sudo's also absolutely wonderful, serving as the perfect emotional core of the story, responsible for most of the funniest lines, sweetest character moments, and some of the most deceptively compelling drama. Asuka Kawazu brings the perfect energy for such a dynamic and well rounded character, and absolutely nails her scenes of quiet turmoil. As much as I would've loved her to become a Rider, I don't think she really needed to. She's already done so much to help, and as cool as it would've been to see her pick up a sword and fight alongside them as Espada, Calibur, or Falchion she's already endeared herself to me as one of my favorite supporting characters in the whole franchise.
I can't get enough of my homeboy Kento Fukamiya/Espada. Like Rintaro and everyone else for that matter, he also suffers from Saber's pacing issues; and like his predecessor Valkyrie from Zero-One, he doesn't get a proper upgrade aside from his Wonder Combo, instead becoming an anti-villain using a completely different powerset and shifting the Raimeiken Ikazuchi out of focus for the Ankokuken Kurayami, and I feel there's a serious missed opportunity to see him use Jaaku Dragon with Alangina. However, Ryo Aoki's performance is probably among the most easily praiseworthy in the whole cast, managing to convey both Kento's kind and knightly stoicism as Espada and his emotionally unstable despair as Calibur perfectly, in conjunction with Yuji Nakata's experienced and expressive stuntwork.
Ren Akamichi/Kenzan's a dark horse favorite for sure. I remember back when Saber was first picking up, people hated this breezy mad lad for being such a simple character at first. Overly concerned with strength? Black and white world view? Annoyingly energetic? Agh, real-feeling character flaws, I hate them, get him away from me! But then y'all came crawling back. Eiji Togashi's apparently a bit of a rookie actor, and it really shows with some stilted delivery and the way he sometimes bobs his head when giving his lines, but man he improves dramatically as the series goes on. His inexperience ironically ends up really selling his character development, and his unexpectedly beautiful relationship with Desast is special evidence of that. The Fuusouken Hayate's three modes and Satoshi Fujita putting them to excellent use through his stellar acrobatic movements are also really cool.
Why did Luna have to be a child for so long? Does Wonderworld not age whoever inherits its power? Well since Luna randomly becomes an adult in Super Hero Senki and some of the final episodes, I guess so? Miku Okamoto does a fine job for a kid actor, but she's basically done all the heavy lifting for the whole series and doesn't give Mayuu Yokota enough time to get a feel for her character as an adult. How did she choose Touma to inherit the power anyway? Does she just subconsciously decide to trust him with it upon seeing how kind and passionate about storytelling he is? Well if that's the case, why didn't Kento get at least some of that power too? He's just as important to the merchan- I mean Luna-chan, isn't he? Why did Tassel pick her over someone who isn't a literal child who'd be understandably terrified about basically becoming an embodiment of storytelling?
Sophia also kinda suffers from the same problems. Rina Chinen's voice is very pleasant to listen to, but she doesn't really do much beyond serving as a source of exposition and support. I think her dynamic with Mei's adorable, and given her kindness I can certainly understand the respect Northern Base has for her, but she doesn't really contribute a whole lot. If she could use the Kurayami and become Calibur all this time, then why didn't she take it from Kento and Yuri and do so earlier when Kento decided to go back to being Espada? I know she's not much of a fighter and as the closet thing the Sword of Logos has to a leader after Isaac's death I'd understand not wanting to put her at risk, but considering Storious is destroying the world, and she's very evidently kicking a lot of ass in the first part of the final battle even in the basic Jaaku Dragon form, I think it would've helped a lot, just sayin'. Tassel at least has the excuse of being unable to interact with the real world, but Sophia obviously didn't just be put in charge of Northern Base just because she's a pawn in Isaac's plans right?
Ryou Ogami/Buster is also a victim of the disjointed character focus. I have no problem believing he's an excellent father and fighter thanks to Yuki Ikushima and Jiro Okamoto, respectively, but he feels a bit flat and simple in comparison. His rivalry with Desast is randomly dropped, his wife doesn't even show up until the final episodes, he's kinda sidelined in terms of action a whole lot. I imagine that must've sucked for the Rider Dads out there. He does get to star in his own manga, and that was pretty good, so I guess I can't be too mad.
Tetsuo Daishinji/Slash fares better though. Hiroaki Oka, being a Kamen Rider fanboy himself, manages to make him among the most relatable characters in the series. Not only are his hyperfixation on swordsmithing and anxiety played surprisingly believably, Hirotsugu Mori letting him cut loose is extremely cathartic and hilarious, and you really feel for him when the Onjuuken Suzune becomes the first victim of Calibur!Kento's sword sealing.
Yuri/Saikou's another dark horse favorite, for me at least. "Oh great, Avalon guy's got even more merchandise to sell, I wonder what his Sword of Light is- it's himself. Well... that's different." I admit, I didn't like him at first. He felt like he was there to fill out character dynamics in the absence of both Rintaro and Kento, I thought his gimmick was too silly even if his design and jingles were bangers, I didn't particularly care for his power set. But then XSwordman came around I totally got it. He's an endearing, hard-working man trying his best to catch up on all the cool shit he missed, unafraid of experimentation, ready to throw down at a moment's notice, serving as a wonderful bit of consistent support for our heroes, a truly knightly individual, an absolute Chad. and goddamn does he make me worry. Tomohiro Ichikawa, I salute you good sir.
Even if they fall short compared to the rest of the cast, the Shindai siblings are at least cool enough to not wanna write out entirely. They kinda devolve into comic relief after they become allies, something that villainous Riders from Chase onwards are very prone to doing, and it's especially awkward in their case because I think that they kinda get off scot-free for obeying the obviously sinister and crazy Isaac for so long, as well as driving a wedge between a lot of people and threatening children in Reika's case. I think their sibling dynamic is nice though, even if Fukuda recycled it from Makoto and Kanon and has some... questionable possessive undertones as a result. It's cool how they're basically foils to Touma and Rintaro though. The dispassionate and methodical Reika/Sabela is beautifully played by Angela Mei and her moments of emotional depth are fascinating to watch. Her Rider form is a thing of beauty, and its use of literal the Eneiken Noroshi's smokescreens and Yuki Miyazawa's precise and deadly stinging strikes are a joy to watch. And while Ken Shonozaki's not given the best direction as the undercooked plate of 7-Eleven fried fish that is Ryoga/Durendal, he manages to sell him as an experienced and hardened warrior with an awkward side that's especially evident in the Zenkaiger specials. His goddamn RWBY weapon that is the Jikokuken Kaiji is absolutely sick, I'm a sucker for transforming weapons and its combination of time and water powers is really cool, especially with Yasuhiko Amai's deliberate and forceful acting in the suit.
Daichi Kamijo/the Second Calibur, for as brief as his story was, was a pretty cool starter villain. Hiroyuki Hirayama brings this poor bastard to life in a genuinely touching way. I love how as Calibur he goes full force on his creative use of Wonder Ride Books for attacks, and his debut as Jaou Dragon got my blood pumping. His end is also deeply tragic, and I really felt for him when he realized just how badly he fucked up. Hayato Fukamiya also does wonders for the backstory, and while he also doesn't get much to work with, Mitsuru Karahashi makes his regrets and love for Kento feel genuine.
Legeiel and Zooous are both very intimidating and entertaining villains. On top of being just the right balance of goofy and threatening, Kairu Takano and Koji Saikawa's stage presences are both very strong, and their mixture of camaraderie and in-fighting is extremely believable. Zooous's rivalry with Rintaro feels incredible to see through to the end, and although Legeiel doesn't get quite the same treatment, Elemental Dragon had such a cool debut that it more than makes up for it. Their final fights are also absolute spectacles. I don't think their sympathetic angle works even close to as well as it does with MetsubouJinrai or even the Gamma, but I get it, power corrupts, and you probably feel a lot of sadness and regret for things you've done when you die unless you're a right bastard.
Isaac/Master Logos/Solomon is kinda generic. As wonderful as Keisuke Soma is, he doesn't get much dimension to work with. The result of that is while he nails being as smug and punchable as possible, he feels almost... comically generic. Genta Umemori from Shinkenger was full of personality! He was also basically some guy, but he was fun, he felt connected to the rest of the cast! Meanwhile the only real time we get to see Isaac's depth is when we see him crying over his failures. I almost appreciate him being unapologetically evil though, since I've seen way too many shows where redeemed villains get off scot free for way worse things, and some where they outright demand you to sympathize with them despite them doing nothing to warrant it.
Bahato/Falchion surprises me by not just being a movie villain whose actions affect the main plot, but also being a movie villain who actually gets to appear in series as a recurring threat! ...and it's not a particularly great showing on his part, sadly. Masashi Taniguchi does a wonderful job with what he's given, but his character feels like a retread of Eternal without any of what made Katsumi Daido a compelling and frightening villain. I'd like to believe Yuri when he says that he used to be a good person and a hero to the people, but I can only hear so many anime villain monologues about the pointlessness of life and the beauty of destruction before I can never take them seriously again. ...I think that's his biggest problem, actually. I thought he was an overall uninteresting and generic villain in the movie, and the cartoon nihilist he's shown to be in series is only a small step up. He still feels like filler. If only there were a far better written and much cooler villain who takes on the Mumeiken Kyomu after his de--
Desast is probably one of the finest anti-villains I've ever seen in recent years. On top of an absolutely badass character design and the excellent combination of Kazuya Okada/Danki Sakae's suit work and Koki Uchiyama's stellar voice acting, his story being so thoroughly intertwined with Ren's makes their shared journey and bromance a borderline Shakespearean tragedy. His struggle for identity despite Storious treating him as nothing more than a failed experiment and the Sword of Logos treating him as a mere monster really gripped me, and the way he uses what little time he has left to encourage Ren into blossoming on his own is absolutely beautiful. I think his enmity with Ogami is criminally underexplored in series, considering he killed several of the previous Riders and how Ogami's in desperate need of screentime.
Then there's our main villain, Kamen Rider Storious. Robin Furuya brings an incredible amount of charisma to this character, expertly portrayed as both a sinister, manipulative bastard , and as a lonely, tragic figure that arguably makes him feel even more villainous. Speaking as a struggling writer myself, it's easy to feel stuck in the idea of "fuck it, who cares, maybe everything is predestined", but I can't imagine what it's like to know that as the truth and carry it with you for all that time. All of your grand ideas have roots from your experiences, and you're not the only one who even could have those experiences. It's easy to just fall into despair and give up trying, but would that make you happy? Sure, Storious is sadistic, he may be fulfilling his goals, he may be ungodly powerful... but it's not enough for him, is it? All of his friends are gone, one of them even at his own hand, he probably doesn't have any idea what to do after he destroys all the world's stories, Touma even reached his full power before he did, and his downfall is so predictable that even a blind person could see it. He even seems to welcome it, what's up with that? But then I realized... OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD. He's so far gone, he's so desperate to stick it to the Almighty Book, he's willing to twist the archetype of the Hero's Journey so hard, it snaps in two. What I think is interesting is that he's ironically trying to chase the trend of "edgy superhero story" that became super popular in the 21st century. The Boys, Brightburn, Kamen Rider Amazons, The Sentry, No More Heroes, Magical Girl Site, even mainstream comics from DC and Marvel... Surely Storious must've seen the cruelty and tragedy these stories are filled with, but he chooses to go through with trying to force the world into this direction anyway. Did they, along with seeing the ever-popular tragedies of legendary playwrights and bleak satire of the twentieth century fuel his despair?
And yet... there's one who stands in determination against his ideals.
Our hero, Touma Kamiyama, the titular Kamen Rider portrayed by Syuichiro Naito and Kousuke Asai, he speaks to me on a personal level. There're plenty of jokes to be made about his procrastination in early chapters, his godless fashion sense, and him doing the funny run up the slope, that's all fine and dandy, but I rarely feel so connected to a character the way I did Touma. The struggle to create, find companionship, live your life, reach out to others... these're things a lot of people struggle with, and of course you see them depicted a lot in media about creators, but Saber gets to the root of what the greatest thing about storytelling really is. Giving people hope, while using the pain of the past as fuel for the future. Sure, Storious may be right about how every story has been done as far back as human civilization gets, he may even be right about how any spin or creativity humanity has is outright predestined. It should be pointless to even try, right? That's where Touma Kamiyama disagrees. He didn't spend all that time fighting and creating just to give up at the idea of predestination. His novel writing-fueled creativity in his early training, his devotion to his friends that let him surpass Kamijo as Dragonic Knight, his compassion for the Primitive Dragon that let him combine their powers to destroy Legeiel as Elemental Dragon, his resolve that let Xross Saber dethrone Solomon, and his passion for the craft of storytelling that let our heroes channel their wishes into Wonder Almighty... all stemming from the belief imparted onto him by his predecessor that "Hope lies beyond your resolution." And that you decide how your story ends. He may not be the greatest Rider to some, he may be as lame as others think he is, he may not even be my favorite, but I have no issue calling Touma Kamiyama... Kamen Rider Saber, one of the all time greatest carriers of the Kamen Rider name.
The final chapter's definitely not as great as some other Rider finales, but goddamn. Primitive Dragon consciously choosing to save Touma is so sweet and such a great emotional payoff, I loved jamming out to the opening theme while our boys lay the smackdown on Storious. Wonder Almighty's a fitting final bit to close the main series out with, if not exactly a great one. I think the cover is great, and the book's body is a lovely shade of candy apple red, but I really don't like how its pages are just the covers of the other books copy-pasted onto onto the pages, that feels lazy. Maybe if it were a panorama of all the books' characters, I'd like it a lot more as a symbol of how unified the Swordsmen are, but eh, what can you do? On a related note, does this mean all the "last episode extra final forms" of the Reiwa Era are gonna be named after their series's opening? That's a neat idea.
I felt a lot of feelings seeing all those video messages of Rider fans all across Japan talking about their favorite stories, and how their passion and fond memories help reshape the world. Mei's monologue at the ceremony about is also really touching and- IS THAT A HUMAGEAR!? :O
Y-yeah dude, it is! Wow, where have you guys been for the past 48 episodes?! Are you guys doing okay? How come you're like... the only one here? Is the technology of Hiden Intelligence only really that prevalent in that very specific metropolitan part of Japan and they're just not coming around much over here? Is it like Dragon Ball where anthropomorphic animals are just vibin' with humans while the heroes are off kicking ass? Apparently he's played by Hasegawa Keiichi, who wrote this episode and had the award ceremony named after him. ...is Hasegawa Keiichi a HumaGear in this universe then? Did he set up this award ceremony in Touma's honor? If so, why is it named after him? Did reading one of Touma's books lead to his Singularity? I know this is just a cameo, but... god, I have so many questions that probably will never be satisfactorily answered.
Overall, if I had to compare Saber to anything, it'd probably be Sam Reimi's Spider-Man trilogy. It's awkward, stupid, overwrought, undercooked, illogically written, scattershot, cheesy as fuck, and has a tendency to squander its otherwise fine execution; but the sheer passion for storytelling, sense of spectacle, deeply fascinating characters, and belief in the ideals set forth by the cast, crew, and fans are absolutely admirable. Improvements would certainly make it an overall better experience, to be sure, but there's something deeply captivating about how wonky this series is. Seeing everybody get their happy ending after all they've been through felt extremely gratifying though, and I may have to wait another for the epilogue to and then wait for Revice, but... man. I'm hella proud of our awkwardly-emoting, fashion disaster novelist and all of his heavily flawed friends for carrying the Kamen Rider name on to the future. Here's hoping Revice will keep it going.
Alright, that's everything I wanted to talk about. Sorry this was so long and ramble-y, I had a lot to say. I'll probably be liveblogging Revice as episodes of that come out, so... look forward to that, I guess. See ya.
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Legacy of Dominic Deegan: Part 2
See my original first impression here.
Last time, our hero, Snout, rudely picked up some weed from a giant animal thingy. Turns out it’s one of the many ingredients he needs, as he also takes a giant leaf, steals web from a spider, and with that he gives himself a shirt. You would think that in Deegan world, people would actually herd sheep more to get wool, unless Mookie believes PETA propaganda. Of course he does.
Turns out Snout is looking for a new home, and he finds a cave, as well as a talking...piece of paper? Pagefinder, or essentially, medieval Siri. Cool. Wait, what happened to the orc frenspeak? I guess Mookie realized it was kind of stupid so he just returned to making orcs write like humans again. Pagefinder is a spell that finds lost pages, and even he gets edgy, but at least his edginess is played for laughs. Speaking of playing edginess for laughs, Snout has to go to the Blood Horror Canyon to get the first lost page. I suppose it’s a bit funny, but if Mookie unironically creates another Chosen Superform in this comic then it’s just gonna be dumber in hindsight. Another joke that i find kind of funny occurs with the signs. Turns out Snout is being followed by...evil demon cthulhu thing, but he accidentally stabs him in the eye with a falling spire.
An exciting battle occurs with the weirdo thingy, and Snout tries using Pagefinder as a shield, and as a result we get the first F bomb in Dominic Deegan, if Mookie didn’t include dicks earlier i’d congratulate him on graduating from middle school. Turns out Pagefinder’s ink just killed the beast. Huh, i’m amazed, you CAN kill something in this universe without turning into a superform! Anyways, Snout finds the first lost page but it has a hole in the middle of it, rendering it mostly incomprehensible. Wah wah. Eyeroll face occurs, which is...i suppose the traditional version of the punchline face? Snout asks Pagefinder for help but he can’t, and he messes up Snout’s face again in his self-pity. I mean, even if it’s a repeated punchline i still think it’s way better than butt-less chaps and Spark’s alliterations.
Snout goes back to the weird eye thing’s library. I suppose the frenspeak earlier was actually the way the owner of the library, Bort, types. We’re shown a twist that Pagefinders actually can’t communicate in other languages so WHO REALLY IS THIS PAGEFINDER?? Pagefinder says he explains everything once Snout has found the last two missing pages. I have a theory, Pagefinder is Trapped Deegan. Of course, it’s a Mookie’s signature SHOCK TWIST that you totally can’t expect. The biggest evidence against it however is that Pagefinder is actually a likable character. No wait, turns out Snout’s theory is that Ink Witch is communicating with him through pagefinder. He needs to find a gruesome, evil tree and we get another eyeroll face. Fuck it, i’m just gonna call it the Modern Punchline Face (MPF) as opposed to Classic Punchline Face (CPF) because i know that’s gonna be common now.
We get another recycled gag with the signs which reveals Skori Trees can shoot branches. Snout makes it into Skori territory and is bombarded with branch bullets yet avoids every single one??? What is he using? Magic? He manages to make it out of Skori’s grasp without a single scratch. Okay so far that’s the first really dumb thing in this comic, because Snout apparently is either using dodging magic or extremely athletic. He tells Pagefinder he hopes to get the berries Ink Witch may have used instead.
Pagefinder gets a piece of dat berry, and suddenly a giant arrow pops up and she drags Snout to the next page...which is Skori Tree. MPF Number 3 occurs. Snout tries to make friends with the tree, but Skori wants nothing to fucking do with the orc. I wonder if Siggy hung that orc family from a Skori tree, just to bury him some more? So Snout’s next plan is to fly to the tree by using the Pagefinder. He makes it but Skori begins to make his plan impossible. Skori gives him the finger but Snout gives him one back. Then...the tree just gives up? Snout gets the missing piece, and we find out the ol’ Dullminic went to Asinoteph, where dreams become visions, and apparently he tried to see the future, but instead he saw...oh boy, next page will unveil the twist. Did he see the past? the present? the winter of his discontent? the apocalypse? the Chosen? Whatever it is, it’s probably dumb.
Snout gets ready to sleep, and even Pagefinders need to sleep. We don’t get reprise of the orc dick this time. No wait, we do, as we see Snout in a dream, where an ink vortex...happens. What? No blood? No gore? No horror? Hmm, maybe Dominic saw THE INK? Snout makes his dream diary, and presents his questions about the last page, that basically ask readers to think about these questions too. I actually like this. It makes our hero look more huma...er, orc, and being used to Gene Catlow mystery exposition it also helps recapping the ongoing mysteries of the comic without pretentious third person pronouning and vague vagueness.
Snout goes to last missing page, which is held by an orc with a beard. Is that a male crone? Old Stoneraper? How come Snout does not have tusks? Honestly, i like him way more without the damn tusks. The old bastard smiles kindly when he sees Snout and gives him the page. Holy shit? An orc being nice to another orc? That’s like...a fucking fever dream. The orc then commits magic disappearance thing. Yup, i’m sure it was Old Stoneraper. Turns out, Deegan did actually see the end of all prophecy, and beginning of his legacy. Um, what? So does this mean that the visions are now gone forever? Thank fucking god, because it got so fucking confusing in the original comic. But wait, if he’s looking for his legacy, is he talking about Snout? Or is he like, looking for someone with good legacy in a talent show? I dunno, lay your theories on me Snout. But before that, the old orc comes. But the Pagefinder warns him that he is in a TERRIBLE DANGER. Oh boy, never mind orcs being nice. All orcs are still assholes to eachother, thanks Siggy.
Snout tells the old orc he was one of the few who didn’t hurt him, if he only kneeeew. Snout asks Old Orc what happened to him, and he falls to...visionscape, sigh. He runs towards a strange ink cube before returning to reality. Turns out Old Orc took all the pages. Oh hey, our protagonist does mistakes, and he actually suffers from them. That’s the first time EVER i’ve seen that in this blog, and then...Pagefinder dismantles. Not gonna lie, it is competing with Sleeve in terms of saddest inanimate object death in a webcomic. Snout wonders what is he gonna do, when he remembers his strange dream. Turns out Dominic Deegan recorded a song called “The Day i Dreamed Again”? No wait, a poem. Turns out Dominic learned to see visions again, and wrote a book about lucid dreams. Bort does not have it, so he has to go into another library. We reach the page i saw in my last Webcomic Check, where poor ol’ Snout is afraid of leaving his new home, and even makes a full list of pros and cons of leaving his home. Not gonna lie, Mookie does actually explore a lot of things he can do with a deaf mute protagonist, as opposed to having a deaf mute protagonist for the sake of having a deaf mute protagonist.
Snout begins his quest the next day, believing he might lose so much if he stays in his homeplace, and the mysteries on his mind keep him up at night. He sees...a lot of things, but thankfully does not bump into any werewolves, dragons or four armed naga things. He finally finds a place called...Mongreltown, but is immediately followed by something. That something is the spaceship that destroyed his home. Mongreltown can wait as he sees the spaceship has crashed. Out of it comes...the Ink Witch, who looks way more adult than any other character Mookie has drawn. Ink Witch is happy to see Snout but remembers he is deaf so she talks in form of ink, and that’s where we leave our story.
So far, i really really like this. The only problems i had were the increased usage of cheap punchline pages and MPF, as well as the rather cheap ways the spaceship arc and the battle with Skori Tree were resolved, but on the contrast there was a LOT of stuff i enjoyed, and i can’t believe i’m saying that about a Mookie comic. Snout is actually a very likable character, and his design has grown on me, his unique status as a deaf mute protagonist was explored, without turning him into a stupid exposition machine, as he only writes when it’s necessary. Pagefinder (RIP) was a very likable character and Mookie seems to be mocking himself with some of the jokes in the comic. The mystery of Dominic Deegan’s fate didn’t really get me invested yet as it’s still an actual mystery that’s important and not just a side thing that’s resolved through third person pronouns and “unseen” reveals. Also we’re shown so many new creatures and species on this comic, none of which are hideous furrybait. It really helps upgrading this setting to an actual fantastic setting and not just “modern setting with fantasy textures applied” that the original comic’s Dominion was. Also, the comedy was actually kind of funny even with the occasional repetition and the MPF.
It’s not the best comic i’ve read ever, but it is the best comic i’ve ever read on this blog. There is a little bit of dread in me though that this comic might go downhill sooner or later. This is still Mookie writing this.
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i can’t believe i’m doing this
@jhscdood listen i got No Time to write the fics for this right now, but have some Fellowship of the Pod People (but not like that) Headcanons.
@ all of the rest of you, please for Eru’s sake help yourselves: literally nothing would make me happier than to have someone else write this shit so i could read it like the lazy asshole i am.
None of this will make a DAMN LICK OF SENSE if you aren’t familiar with the Not Your Mama’s ABO Clownfish AU that @silentwalrus1 created with @skellerbvvt and @galwednesday in the Magnificently Weird MCU Stucky Gem Scents & Sensibility
shit this got hella long don’t look at me but please all feel free to correct/expand/modify because I just whipped these off to decompress after a long day
The Númenóreans are responsible for all that “reef” “pod” and assorted “fishy” terminology, so while “pod” “reef” etc may be the accepted academic names, they’re often replaced with local variants and colloquialisms. The Númenóreans picked this linguistic quirk up from the sea-obsessed Noldor elves, so it’s sometimes used in Rivendell and Lothlorien too.
(The Sindar elves fucking hate that)
(Sindar use bee euphemisms instead. It’s all “hives” and “skeps” etc etc etc. Try to tell me Thranduil isn’t a Queen Bee. I FUCKIN DARE U. The wine is all honey mead. Hex honeycomb aesthetic for the win. Even the dungeons.)
(FYI Dwarves ALSO have a Hexagonal Aesthetic and that just Really Gets Thranduil’s Goat.)
everyone’s got their own local names for alphas and omegas too because seriously who fucking came up with that, i bet there’s a whole appendix at the end of the red book about terminology and shit
(Now I’m having meta thoughts about linguistics and there being a clownfish!Tolkien to go with the clownfish!Middle Earth. And now I’m thinking about the Inklings being a pod and if i follow THAT rabbit hole any further I’ll fu cki ng AS C E N DHJKfghjk.)
Anyway
Men smell gross. Everyone else is agreed upon this. Unflattering comparisons to badgers and weasels have been made.
This makes “MANFLESH” 12000% more hilarious ur welcome
it’s funny cuz Men are big into perfumes. Incense! Herb Sachets! Oils and tinctures! Have you ever seen a olde tyme perfumers’ box? That kinda shit. Everyone has their Signature Smell.
but elves especially are like you still smell like man stop trying to hide it.
The Dúnedain embrace The Musk. (some have fully weaponized it)
this is very important: Aragorn Smells Amazing. (to be clear, still very Man Smelling, but awesome. first time he goes all I AM UR KING everyone in the throne room goes a little glassy eyed.)
Minas Tirith, being old, is very Old Numenorean Oceanic Aesthetic. Give me all that white stone carved to look like coral and driftwood holy shit YES.
WHITE! TREE!! GARDEN!!!
ATHELAS!!!! SCENTED!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!!!! (pairs well with lemon and other citrus smells.)
veering away from Gondor now
The Rohirrim stick with horse metaphors because of course they fucking do. Also, since they’re more nomadic, the entire concept of a “reef” as in a physical structure is kind of ??????? to them. So. “Reefs” = “herds” and “pods” = “bands.”
Fresh Hay is considered to be Peak Homely Smell in Edoras. Tapestries! Only The Softest and Nicest and Most Beautifully Tooled leather! leather smells!
OH SHIT GIVE ME ALPHA-FOR-LIFE-EOWYN MEETING FOREVER!OMEGA FARAMIR *HEAVY BREATHING*
(oh shit while we’re in the neighborhood, Dúnedain Rangers tend to be solitary As, which spooks the natives like whoa, but the Ithilien Rangers are generally O, and their waterfall hideout is totes a big ole reef.)
hang on i forgot about elves
Listen, I’m not super into elves myself but I’m imagining that they are perpetually switching back and forth between A and O depending on the day — nay, the HOUR — and the extremes between A and O are much less extreme for them than other races.
Every other race finds this super weird and disturbing.
Legolas is like “hm this forest is making me feel very O.” And Aragorn and Gimli are just like ‘what’ and then suddenly Leggy smells very O too and Aragorn and Gimli are like ‘WHAT’
Feänor is the exception. He turned the dial all the way to A and broke the goddamn knob off.
Galadriel can go from Maximum Softe O to Roid Rage A in .0004 seconds. “iiiinstead of a dark lord yyYYOU WOULD HAVE A QUEEEEEEN!!!1!” and the Hobbits are literally bowled over.
Elves in general smell woody but also very ocean-y i think? Have you ever stood in a pine forest by the ocean, where you get those light, clean wood and cedar and pine smells all shot through with sea breeze? Like That.
But elves are more into visual/audio. Soft singing. Leaves moving in the breeze. The whisper of pages in a library.
and the light. Elves are lighting wizards, they are all about that gentle starglow.
(I’m also having thoughts about the Lothlorien Elves embracing that A-ish urge to be Up High. A holdover from Galadriel’s time with the feanoreans? I'm not as up on silm lore as I should be)
but let’s get back to my happy place:
THE MUTHAFUCKIN SHIIIIIIIIRE
Hobbits really embrace dat sweet sweet O lifestyle. good food and warm hearths. throw blankets and pillows. hugging and cuddle puddles and playing footsie. gardens. Gardens. G A R D E N S.
“Going A” is done as rarely as possible. the transition takes about a month and Hobbits who are “going A” tend to call in sick like it’s some unsightly thing.
Tooks have an unusually high rate of going A. Of course they do.
Bilbo has never gone A. Not! Once!
Neither has Frodo.
Sam did, after the breaking of the Fellowship. Merry and Pippin did, in Fangorn, when they grew six inches. The three of them all stayed A after that, for the most part. YES EVEN SAMWISE. it was v scandalous.
Hobbit “reefs” are called “warrens” (unless ur rich, then they’re Smials and they’re Only For Family) and their “pods” are “nests.” “Nesting” is a whole Thing.
Hobbits! Smell! Like! Baked! Goods! Not sweet but like… warm. Humans sometimes turn their noses up and call it a “yeasty” or “beery” smell but it’s usually much more a rising-bread smell. Pipeweed smoke and sweet florals make a nice contrast to the perpetual bakery window smell.
Hobbits are very mouth/taste/chew oriented. Mouthfeel is a Big Deal. Recipe Books are Heirlooms. Courting is frequently Food/Drink Oriented.
Rosie Cotton brews the finest ale in all the land and she did that for the express purpose of seducing Samwise Gamgee
He Did Not Realize.
Courting that is not food/drink oriented is Flower/Plant oriented.
Sam Gamgee became the finest gardener in all the land in the desperate hope of wooing Mr. Frodo.
He Did Not Realize.
Everyone Else Realized. Merry and Pippin especially considered it Peak Comedy.
(they eventually worked it out.)
last but not least:
there’s just no way around it. Dwarves smell like dirt. nice dirt tho! Petrichor and stone with hints of copper and metals. Smoke smells. Rich spice smells. Eau de forge is considered a particularly desirable perfume. Dwarves don’t particularly notice smell though (for reasons that will become apparent) when it comes to Softe Things they’re much more about dem sweet sweet sparklies, and fur, and being super fucking tactile.
Dwarves are SUPER into haircare, like, every night the Company of Thorin makes a braid circle and exchanges hair beads.
(elves are also super into hair care. this too really Gets Tharanduil’s Goat)
Dwarf social structure is like… hobbits in reverse. They tend to default to A status, hence their general rowdiness but with strict codes of conduct to help manage conflict. They’re just these huge roving groups of A’s just rough-and-tumbling around their one O. dogpiles are peak pod bonding. aaaaand the alpha reek kind of tends to make them all a little noseblind.
Poor Bilbo.
Lucky, Lucky Bilbo.
But also poor, poor Bilbo.
Most dwarf Royals go O, but Thorin hadn’t been O since he was 24 and got chased out of Erebor by that pesky dragon.
Dwarf “reefs” and “pods” have their own terms in Khuzdul that do not translate well but have to do with crystal growth. Rough translations are “lattices” and “cells” (Hence the hexagon aesthetic)
Wizards Have No Designation. They Smell Like Gunpowder and Lightning. It Is Very Disturbing For Everyone Around Them.
A
N
Y
W
A
Y
Give me EveryoneLives!au Hobbit stuff. Bilbo trying to homely up the lonely mountain! Thorin going O and chilling the fuck out as a result!
Give me fellowship!pod!! Aragorn is the diplomat! Pippin is the wild child! Gimli is the Adventurer! Frodo is the peacekeeper! Boromir is the den mother!
How Much More Heartrending is the Breaking of the Fellowship if the fellowship was a pod????
and then you’ve got the fractured podlings: Merry and Pippin bonding hard with their new Rohan and Gondor stress-pods. Sam going A to protect Frodo from Gollum while Frodo tries to adopt this weird frog into their pod. The Three Hunters as Nick, Nora and Nelson (Gimli is Nick, Leggy is Nora, Aragorn is Nelson.)
Give me post-war Legolas and Aragorn and Gimli (and Arwen too) breaking cultural boundaries and proving that yes! Interracial Pods Can Work! these differences are cultural, and cultures can be melded! nothing wrong with this! if half-elves exist and can have kids of their own, then elves and men are not separate species, and I’d bet a significant limb that the same is true of all the other races so
GIVE IT TO ME
ok i gotta stop now.
...
yeah there’s probably a star trek one of these coming too
kill me
(And hey jhscdood I’m not saying you have to come back at me with more lotr clownfish or ocean’s 11/Star Wars/M*A*S*H/Leverage/West Wing/whatever clownfish But I would certainly consider it a Fair Exchange if you did. MORE INSTITUTIONALIZED SOFTISM. MAXIMUM SOFT FISH FRIENDS.)
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tEn cHaRaCtErS
I was tagged in this meme by the awesomely rad @francisthegreat whom I’m lucky to have as my friend :) Also I’m sorry this is so late! I didn’t see you tag me until like yesterday, I had exams this week haha. This was very hard to make because I have a LOT of feelings.
Ten characters from ten fandoms:
This list is going in ascending order, meaning my very favorite faves will be last on the list.
10. Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)
First of all on this list is this asshole, gosh I have no idea why but there was a period of time where I absolutely loved Gravity Falls and I shipped with a human form with Dipper mostly because of the amazing art and some pretty complex fics written for the ship. It was a wild ride and honestly thinking about this phase of my life always makes me feel weird, like I liked him purely because I liked reading shippy fics starring him.
9. Pearl (Steven Universe)
This one is kinda weird too? Idk man I absolutely love Pearl’s design and the way her character is written. I’m not in loop with the SU fandom because ugh it’s not a happy place to be but I absolutely love browsing art of her. I love how she’s such a broken character for a kids show! I used to read SU meta and they’d go on and on about how she’s a shit character, an asshole towards Amethyst and toxic. But tbh, I feel like she’s just a complex character that made bad choices at times, she’s trying to get better, she’s trying to cope with the loss of Rose someone she probably loved in more ways than one and how she felt Rose chose Greg over her, and now she’s gone. I mean, she just can’t let go and I think that’s very human.
8. Pitch Black (Rise of the Guardians)
Alright but this fandom was the first one I’d ever been in once I started out in tumblr. It was very cool and leaves bittersweet memories tbh, I absolutely adored the art and fics this fandom churned out, I used to ship Pitch and Jack Frost. The thing about Pitch is the fact that the fandom practically merged the movie with the lore from the original Guardians of Childhood the movie is based on. In the book, Pitch has such a tragic backstory, his name was Kozmotis Pitchinier and he was the best general of the Golden Army. After capturing all fearlings, he was designated to guard the prison of their imprisonment , he was haunted by their whispers and pleading and his only solace was his daughter, of whom he kept a photograph of in a locket. But one day, sensing his weakness, the prisoners imitated her voice and hypnotized Kozmotis to believe she was being held inside with them. Frantic, he opened the doors to release her, but was instead possessed by ten thousand Fearlings.
Sorry for the long summary but I just want people to know more abt his backstory haha.
7. Loki (MCU)
I didn’t really know about Loki until I watched Thor: The Dark World in the cinema and I was instantly in love despite this movie being the absolutely worst of all the MCU movies, which looking back I’d have to agree. Loki is yet another tragic character whom I’m sure everyone already knows about. I think Loki is a vulnerable character who tries to be good, wants to be good but he just can’t, or he tries and other people just won’t accept him. He’s a frost giant and those people are considered monsters, how can he not be bitter that he’s the very thing ha’s been indoctrinated to hate and fear. He is a very complex character that the MCU practically does not do enough justice mostly because he’s portrayed as a villain in the movies. But I wouldn’t consider him a villain, more like an antihero, nobody trusts him and he doesn’t think anybody can love him either. I’ve only read a bit of his comics and I gotta say Loki deserves so much more than what he gets.
6. Dr Strange (MCU) (I’m breaking the one character per fandom rule idc)
I know a shit ton of people absolutely HATE Dr Strange, and for a variety of reasons too. They hate him because Benedict Cumberbatch plays him and hating on BC is practically the new edgy on tumblr. People think Dr Strange should have been played by an american asian and all that yada plus the ancient one being whitewashed. While I agree some aspects of Dr Strange is problematic, I think people need to give it more credit, at least watch it for the cool effects that the stupidly huge amount of people worked on. Also as an asian, I can guarantee you most people outside of America doesn’t give two shits about these controversies and movies should be a source of pleasure instead of thinking about all the negative shit only. Dr Strange deserves so much more, he’s an interesting and while he does share some qualities with Tony Stark, he’s his own character with his own issues. Plus his comics are very fun to read, come on, magic in the Marvel is such an awesome concept. Fuck you haters, I just wanna have a good time with the magic man.
5. Sherlcok Holmes (BBC Sherlock)
This is also one of my earliest fandoms on tumblr. Sherlock season 4 absolutely ruined it with all the queer baiting and the shitty plot. But Sherlock had always left bittersweet memories for me too. Mostly because of the absolutely amazing and complex fics written for it, I will never understand how fic authors do it but Sherlock fics were amazing and I would gladly choose these fics over canon any time.
4. Asuka Langley Soryuu (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
I have so many feelings about this bitch right here, honestly one of the most relate-able characters for me. Asuka is a very human character, she’s very proud and has emotional issues. She was considered the best of the best and was trained to be an Eva pilot since she was four because she’s a child genius. However she has a tragic backstory, her mother underwent some tests and became insane, believing that Asuka's doll was her daughter and refusing to acknowledge the real Asuka, referring to her as "that girl over there." She eventually commits suicide by hanging herself; Asuka found her body when she went to tell her the good news that she had been chosen to become an Eva pilot. She couldn’t let go that Shinji the main character was starting to become a better pilot than her despite training for months only. She suppresses a lot of her emotions and had unhealthy ways of coping. I just want her to be happy.
3. Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood)
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is what I would consider the holy grail of anime tbh. Edward is just about the most selfless person out there in the fictional world of anime. I love the fact that Ed and Al started their journey off with mildly selfish reasons that is to return their body parts whom they lost to in a deal with Truth to bring back their mom which ultimately failed. In the end, Edward is willing to lose his alchemy, the very things that defines him, that started this whole mess, that is the source of his joy and misery for the sake of gaining his brother’s body back instead of selfishly using the Philosopher’s stone that’s made using human souls. I just want this shorty to be happy and I’m glad he is with that satisfying end.
2. Hitsugaya Toshiro (Bleach)
The reason this guy is ranked so high in my list is mostly because, he’s been there for me since I was a smol kid, I’ve had a crush on him ever since I was 10 and I could never let go. He’s the one fictional character whom I still fallback to every time things stagnant, I love reading fics about him, he’s just so cool! He’s a child genius with a sword that can shoot ice dragons. Plus he’s always written in such a complex way in fics, Kubo missed his fucking chance by not expanding more about his character in the manga, but clearly Kubo is incompetent when it comes to plot so whatever I guess.
1. Kylo Ren (Star Wars)
The Star Wars fandom or specifically the Kylux subfandom is probably the happiest plave I’ve ever been in since forever. It’s the first time I’ve ever talked to anyone at all online, I only lurked around in other fandoms but Star Wars made me able to brave the fandom and talk to people in it, I’ve met so many amazing people and read amazing fics in it, it’s mostly due to the KRB discord chat that I’m still going strong with this fandom. I absolutely love Kylo Ren and can he please crush me between his thighs. The thing that attracted me to him besides his unconventionally attractive appearance is his emotional vulnerability. Kylo has been neglected by Leia and Han as a kid and sent away to jedi school with Luke, he’s been manipulated by Snoke as a kid and Leia and Han just don’t think they can take care of him properly, they’re afraid of him and always too busy with their work, Kylo wasn’t planned, the way their relationship worked just wasn’t ideal for child rearing, Kylo was left alone with Luke, unable to understand why his parents don’t want him anymore, how he was too emotional for the jedi way. While what Kylo did was not justifiable with all that murdering, it’s not a stretch to say that he was very mush a victim of circumstances too. I related to Kylo a lot as I’d been sort of neglected as a child too, both my parents were always busy with work and I only saw them during mealtimes and before bed.
Sorry for the long post ya’ll! I have so many emotions about fictional characters haha.
I’ll be tagging @magicandmalice , @omega-hux, @tezzypants, @darktenshi17,
@comraderevelin, @kylocatastrophe, @dargason-under-the-fantasia, @oblioknowlton, @evilblubber, @plasticpill and @glass-oceans that is if ya’ll want to, I had fun and went super overboard.
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Failings and Flaws (Part 1) — Why D&D 5th Edition is bad
We’re starting off with a bang aren’t we? Seeing how criticizing the things people like makes them feel defensive, I find it might be best to open up with a disclaimer:
Regardless of the flaws your system has and how bad it actually is, that does not mean you cannot enjoy it!
It is a common, but mistaken notion that anything someone likes is absolute good and that it cannot be bad. In a future post I’ll tackle a system I actually love. Just to make things fair!
Enough procrastinating though, let’s see why I cannot stand D&D 5th edition and why I do not think it to be the renaissance of tabletop. I will be handling this chapter-by-chapter for the most part. There will be varying lengths as some chapters simply have more to talk about than others. I will keep foul language and vitriol to a minimum, but...
Let’s just say I’m passionate about a hobby I love.
Chapter 1 Introduction
I was going to skip this because no one really reads these, but already we have a giant red flag. Skipping the bulk of racist references from Dark Sun, explanations of situations that the rules don’t account for, and other things, we place our focus right on the ‘Wonders of Magic’ section. Already we can see magic being placed on a rather high pedestal, while also being strangely outlined as “rare”.
Considering there are entire church organizations of clerics, schools of magic, and nearly every village having a hedge mage of some sort, I’d hardly call it rare. Uncommon, sure, but rare? Not in Greyhawk. The default setting is still Greyhawk, right? We’ll have to find that one out later.
I realize it sounds like a nitpick over language—and it is, to a degree—but the place where language matters the most is in the introduction! This is where you tell people what your system is about and describing a franchise that has long been about high magic and heroic fantasy as having a scarcity of magic (that is what “rare” means) shows a deep misunderstanding about it. This is actually integral to understanding D&D 5e’s failings and why, even if it is an okay game (and that’s being generous), it is a terrible iteration of D&D.
But let’s move on and ignore how this section contradicts itself. For sanity’s sake.
Chapter 1 (for real this time)
It is actually very rare for a section dedicated to making a character to have some severe flaw with it. Sometimes it’s a good example of how not to make a character, but that is not as common as one might think. Ultimately it comes down to a few things I’ve noticed as being treated as the default.
Such as rolling ability scores. It is honestly something I take a lot of umbrage with. You can harp on about how there is no ‘winning or losing’ in D&D, but let’s face it: people like to feel like they’re accomplishing things. When you introduce a stat rolling system as the primary means of finding out your attribute scores, you are potentially denying people that. It is possible for a highly mediocre character to accomplish things, but more often than not they end up either dying in an unsatisfying way or they end up having to get coddled. Which seems to defeat the purpose of rolling stats in the first place.
At the very least they still have point buy, but why is this not the default? Perhaps Mearls was wary due to the rather misplaced thought among the community that it’s for “min-maxers”, a common bogeyman among tabletop groups. A bogeyman I actually find absurd on its own, but that is a discussion for another time.
The only other thing that really stands out is that small change to “finesse” melee weapons and ranged weapons. That being Dexterity to both attack rolls and damage rolls. I have mixed opinions on this. Making things simpler is fine, but Dexterity is often considered a “god stat” due to how much it’s worth.
Well, there’s also the advancement table barely being helpful, but this is the flaw of making a system “modular”. Let’s keep going.
Chapter 2 : Races
Now we’re going to talk about races. I will refrain from being a “grognard” so to speak, but I will be looking at the mechanics of them closely.
I’m also going to ignore the constant use of “diversity” throughout this book. Diversity is good and desperately needed in the hobby, but the way it’s constantly signaled at feels like it’s trying to draw attention away from something. We already got a nice dose of some archaic 90s racism with the previous blurb about Dark Sun.
This isn’t a social issues blog, so I’ll keep that to a minimum.
Already it seems we are trying to appease both the “old” D&D crowds of pre-4e and the 4e crowds. At least people will be ecstatic to know that Gnomes are back to being a race in the core rulebook, but the raceplosion of 3.5 and 4e has still been dialed back. They often do that to sell more books, but it took a while for 5th edition to start truly releasing content compared to its predecessors. In fact, D&D 5e used to be so devoid of content and took so long to come out and presented such little information that on many boards it was considered to be vaporware.
I’ll confess to being one of those people and I still think that what we have gotten is a sign of a definite decline. However, tabletop as a hobby in general has been shrinking. It does that sometimes and the absolute wealth of specialized board games has been cutting into traditional RPGs quite heavily.
Anyways, I’m losing track of the topic here. Let’s see how 5th edition handles races.
First we have Dwarves. Or Dwarfs, if you prefer. No huge issues with their description, it’s typical and generic, but that’s the default. All I have to say is this:
What? Female Dwarves don’t have beards?
Joking aside, it’s very typical- hold up.
Darkvision got nerfed, huh? In older versions, Darkvision let you see within a threshold of darkness as if it were normal lighting. Now it only lets you see it as dim light. Interesting.
Racial combat bonuses against Giants and Goblins are gone. I would argue that this is a good thing as it separates culture from race and allows for things like dwarves who live in overworld urban centers who would probably not have this kind of combat training...
But then they still give them obviously cultural bonuses. Oof. I would argue that race and culture should be separate, but we can ignore the problems that arise from them being treated as similar and instead move onto Elves.
Who are still perfect. Good grief.
Nothing else- wait a moment. Darkvision? Now things are starting to make sense. It seems that Low-Light Vision from older versions and Darkvision have been pushed back together into something resembling Infravision from the AD&D days. Except a little less evocative. A weird change, but I guess we wanted to make things easier on new players and “sees farther in dim light” and “sees in darkness” are too complicated of distinctions.
Another curiosity is that racial penalties appear to be missing. This is definitely something of a hold over from 4e and I am fine with it. It’s a definite positive for people who might find an entire group of people being dumber to be offensive.
Now we are onto Halflings and what the hell is that?!
Ugh. Ugly design and art aside, let’s see. They try to avoid making the obvious faux pas that Halflings often have by making them nomadic thieves who travel on colorful wagons. You don’t get points if you guess what that’s a caricature of. In fact, they emphasize the default Halflings being Hobbits with the serial numbers filed off. This is what they originally were, so it’s a return to form of sorts.
They are even better at saving throws now. A reroll on a natural 1? With no daily limit? That’s fucking amazing. The Stout Halfling is also a rather clear winner here. Being survivable is valuable in D&D.
It’s time for Humans. Yawn. Not because Humans are dull, but it is very hard for a fantasy setting to make them exciting it seems. Either they are just the generic everyman or there is an almost uncomfortable and, dare I say, cringe level of “humanity fuck yeah!” to them. There is also a curious level of Forgotten Realms discussion in the blurb-
Wait. Is the default setting fucking Faerun? Did Mearls seriously, in the same breath, use Faerun as a base and then imply that D&D is low magic? Holy shit.
Moving on from my brief stint of acidic bile, we see that Humans are still the everyman. Big yawn. However, something draws my attention. Particularly that ‘variant rule’ box. Two piddling attribute score bonuses (but they can still be valuable increases, especially with a hard cap on stats) are nothing special, but proficiency in a skill (akin to 3.5′s free skill point) and a feat of their choice?
Given 5e’s feat design (we’ll be tackling that one later) that is a significant boon. In fact, it’s safe to say that humans are most likely one of the strongest races again. Some things never change.
Dragonborn are next. They essentially became the gateway furry race in 4e and it seems that we are keeping them here. Now, I don’t have a huge problem with Dragonborn, big dragon people are cool, but I can see how some people might have an issue with it, especially given their old and new lore. Whatever. We get a little blurb that people might be afraid of Dragonborn because your average peasant is kind of racist. Sure. Though I feel like if you are normalizing oddities like this enough for them to viable character options, only the most rural of folks would act like this.
Then again, probably not.
Their stats are typical and what you’d expect. There’s also a blurb about Draconians from Dragonlance now being evil Dragonborn. Okay? They say that they lack breath weapons and have unique spells instead, but they don’t say what these are so it’s an actual waste of fucking space to mention. There aren’t any subraces or actual variants, which is a bit egregious due to how different dragons are.
Now we are at Gnomes. I don’t like them. I find it funny how they have been downgraded from a core race to an unusual one. I also find it bizarre and I am curious about the reasoning behind it. People may find a sense of dread in the “Seeing the World” section outright saying that Gnomes tend to be obnoxious pieces of shit and I would agree with them.
Fuck Gnomes.
Mechanically speaking they are odd in that the base race barely applies anything at all whereas the subraces add in the vast bulk of it. All Gnomes are more intelligent than others, but for the most part it seems that they are keeping the differences between them significant. Which is fine.
Half-Elves are kind of whatever. No subraces, despite Elves being different from one another. Okay.
One of the most problematic races of them all, Half-Orcs, are still in. They’ve been a core thing for a while, but it can make some people uncomfortable. Whether it’s due to the typical circumstances of their birth or the near-alcoholic levels of urges to commit violence, they are worth a lot of complaints. You can tell good stories involving these, but it’s a hot topic that may not be worth tackling.
As usual they are oriented entirely towards hitting things good and being hard to kill. Halflings are more survivable though.
Now here’s something interesting: Tieflings, but no Aasimar. Surely with the subrace system an overall Half-Outsider with subraces involving the main planes would be better? I guess not. Oh well. Surely Mearls has used this subrace system to allow for Tieflings that have descended from different devilish lineages? No?
What a fucking waste of potential. Again. I really have nothing more to say about this.
They’re what you expect.
That’s about it for this post. The next one will pretty much be solely dedicated to classes. There’s a lot to go through there and this post is already painfully long. Long enough that I may break it up into two parts in the future. We’ll see. Until next time!
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1, 9, 13, 15, 21?
It’s really hard for me to keep a running most/least etc list in my head at all times because I’m so scatterbrained, so I’m just going to answer these with the first movie that pops into my head given the prompt, I hope that’s ok!
1. What’s the Most Depressing Movie You’ve Ever Watched?
The Movie that comes to mind first is Fried Green Tomatoes, because a) dead lesbians, and B) I think it was the first movie I ever watched that made me full out sob. The book is even worse because it has cannon lesbianism and focuses more on the two main character’s relationship.
Watership Down, is also fairly depressing for a movie about bunnies, even as a metaphor for, idk, totalitarianism and what have you.
The Sleepers was…It got so bad. Like, legitimately traumatizing depending on your age and certain triggers you may have, It made me look at Kevin Bacon in a completely different way, and I can never fully trust any character in a role he plays because of this movie.
The Last Airbender, a movie that Totally Does Not Exist is depressing for….so, so many reasons, none of which have to do with plot, aside from its own failings. And isn’t that the most depressing thing of all.
Special mention goes to any movie set in America in the1910s-20s era that has a happy ending. I can never bring myself to enjoy them 100% under the looming threat of the eventual great depression.
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9. The Most Aesthetically Pleasing Movie You’ve Ever Watched?
The animation, art direction, and overall style of Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Rebellion, in keeping with the series it’s based on, is gorgeous.
Also, The Thief and The Cobbler, while not a great movie (or even a particularly good one really), is very artistically pleasing.
For live action, Pan’s Labyrinth is pretty awesome, in the traditional sense of the word.
The Adams Family movie is pretty fucking great in the set design department.
While there are many things wrong with the 2005 Phantom of the Opera Movie; aesthetically, I enjoyed all of it.
Far From Heaven is also pretty aesthetically pleasing, in terms of color and throwback style.
A lot of Bollywood musicals are so on point in this department that they deserve a mention, my favorite Bollywood movie probably being Om Shanti Om.
Also, one of my favorite childhood movies growing up- A Little Princess -looking back, is pretty aesthetically pleasing too.
Wow, there were a lot this time around, haha.
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13. Your Favorite Comedy Film?
Why would you do this to me, this is impossible.
I am however very partial to Clue, since it combines some of my favorite types of comedy: Dark Humor, Witty Dialogue, and Slapstick.
Muriel’s Wedding, if it counts as a comedy, which I think it does, is a movie that has a very secure place in my heart.
I will go to my grave defending The Road to El Dorado and it’s comedy, which holds up to this day, as well as Emperor’s New Groove.
Ultimate Problematic Faves Include Drop Dead Gorgeous, bc although a lot of the comedy still holds up, some of it is now inexcusable like holy shit. And My Cousin Vinnie.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit is and always will be a classic. In fact file that under the aesthetically pleasing column too while we’re at it. I fucking Love that movie.
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15. A Movie The Everyone Else Loves that You Hate?
I’m usually pretty laid-back about movies, and I still don’t like super hate it or anything, but Brokeback Mountain was so boooooooring. I still cried at the end, bc i still like felt for the dude, but I was also glad it was over.
Silence of the Lambs is a classic I’m sure, and again i don’t really hate it, but it could not hold my interest. it was well put together though.
A Clockwork Orange feels like a it should be a warning tale (like it was originally supposed to be), but it’s one that ends with the bad guy getting the opposite of his due comeuppance (which I know is a different ending than the book) so it looses all meaning, and as such reads like two hours of gratuitous physical and sexual violence with no real purpose, all told in an accent and with such an idiosyncratic speech pattern that is too difficult for me to make even the effort to ever parse again, given what it turned out to be. The film making itself was fine, and the acting was good too, but i still hate this movie.
Also, I know this makes me a monster but, Bambi was like an hour and a half of boring fluff with a singular, non redeeming trauma in the middle.
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21. A Film with An Amazing Sountrack?
I’m gonna assume we’re excluding musicals from this, or I would be here all day.
Guardians of the Galaxy (1 & 2) were both amazing, especially within the context of the films themselves
Labyrinth bc Bowie, obviously
Muriel’s Wedding again, because I’m a sucker for ABBA
O Brother, Where Art Thou, Which is a soundtrack I have owned since high school when I first saw it.
Interview With a Vampire, which is a soundtrack I have had since I stole it from my Mom in high school, haha. Though I have mixed feelings on the movie Itself. I don’t hate it at all, but I can only watch it about once a year.
The How to Train Your Dragon Soundtrack has some really great Instrumental pieces and a pretty sweet Icelandic pop number at the end too.
And finally, I know It’s not a film but the Bob’s Burger���s Soundtrack is awesome and I am happy that I bought it!
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Thank you for the questions!~ as always I enjoyed answering them. Even if I am the most indecisive person I know when it comes to stuff like this, haha. ^_^
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How Do You Approach Worldbuilding?
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We’re honored to bring this roundtable conversation between three of speculative fiction’s most exciting up-and-coming authors: Emily Tesh, A.K. Larkwood, and Everina Maxwell. In it, the writers and IRL friends have a funny and insightful conversation about everything from fantasy maps (yea or nay?), writing an emerging romantic relationship (how do Tesh and Maxwell do it so well?), and worldbuilding (the struggle!).
In honor of the recent publication of Tesh’s Drowned Country (the sequel to last year’s lush, folkloric fantasy Silver in the Wood), we’re running the first part of the conversation. We’ll finish the conversation in February, in celebration of the publication of Maxwell’s first novel, a gay space opera about princes in an arranged marriage called Winter’s Orbit. (Larkwood’s The Unspoken Name, a fantasy about an orc priestess turned wizard’s assassin, hit shelves back in February.)
Now, without further ado…
A. K. LARKWOOD: Hello, I’m A. K. Larkwood, also known as Kassie, I wrote The Unspoken Name, a book about what happens when you’ve been brought up with a terrible purpose – and then, when it comes to it, you can’t go through with it. Csorwe expects to die in the Shrine of the Unspoken One, but she’s rescued by a strange wizard who says he has a new task for her – and the question is how far she’ll go to serve the person who saved her life. It’s also about loyalty, sacrifice, and the special bond between truly annoying coworkers. I have spent most of the plague year so far doing a series of increasingly recherche craft projects to procrastinate working on the sequel. Surrounded by crochet animals, painted lampshades, wholemeal loaves and small watercolors of fruit, I now have no choice but to… participate in this Q&A.
EMILY TESH: Hi! I’m Emily Tesh, and I wrote the Greenhollow Duology – Silver in the Wood, a story about what happens when the centuries-old avatar of the greenwood meets a handsome young folklore enthusiast with more curiosity than common sense, and its sequel Drowned Country, a story about being a person with no common sense who has accidentally stumbled into the role of a woodland demigod. I am not nearly as good at craft projects as Kass so my plague year procrastination has been spent replaying video games I have already played for hundreds of hours; at this rate my next book will be some sort of thinly veiled Starbound/Mass Effect/Two Point Hospital crossover in which all problems are solved by completing picross puzzles.
EVERINA MAXWELL: I haven’t done anything productive in quarantine but I’ve taken a whole lot of naps. Rounding out the SFF combo, I’m Everina Maxwell and I wrote Winter’s Orbit, a queer romantic space opera about arranged marriage, intergalactic politics, and slow healing from the past. To prevent a war, disreputable media darling Prince Kiem is ordered to marry Count Jainan of Thea, a quiet scholar grieving the loss of his previous husband. The match shouldn’t work, and the political waters are treacherous–even before Jainan is accused of murder. On with the questions!
Q: Let’s kick off with, what are we reading at the moment?
LARKWOOD: I really enjoyed Zen Cho’s The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected In Water, which is a snappy, funny, and rather touching novella about a nun who joins a group of bandits. If you’re looking for something longer, I also loved The Changeling by Victor Lavalle, which is about… a book dealer whose wife commits a terrible crime. Or is it??? I actually don’t want to tell you anything more about it because it’s such a wild ride. I picked it up and read the first page thinking ‘I’m not sure this is for me but let’s see’, and ended up eating up the whole thing in one go.
MAXWELL: My concentration has been a bit shot lately what with 2020 happening, but I’m excited to dig into Of Dragons, Feasts and Murders by Aliette de Bodard–Vietnamese mythology and murder husbands!
TESH: I have also been suffering from the pandemic of it all when it comes to reading, but I really enjoyed The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo – love the novella length for when you are having a hard time concentrating, and it is gorgeously written.
Q: LARKWOOD: As we know I am a nerd who loves a fantasy map, but I understand you two are map-agnostic verging on anti-map. Please explain this wrong opinion to me.
TESH: OK, my map agnosticism has two angles:
As a reader and as a profoundly geographically confused person anyway, it is 100% likely that a fantasy map tells me nothing. We are crossing the Pointy Mountains to enter the Forest of Spiders? Fabulous, bring on the spiders. I do not care which direction they are coming from, I promise to be equally alarmed by them regardless of point of origin. I will literally never refer to a map when I am reading a book. It gives me nothing. Probably this is a personal failing.
As a writer I am suspicious of mapping, especially mapping too soon, because it can pin you down to things you are later stuck with (oh no I put a river here and now it’s in the way – or even worse, oh no I need a river and the map says I haven’t got one.) And then that prevents me from using my all-time favourite setting trick, which is ‘Coincidentally We Have Found Ourselves In A Location That Precisely Echoes Our Emotional State.’ (The spiders… are the characters’ feelings.) For example, a good chunk of my novella Drowned Country is set in Fairyland, which ended up as a painfully barren and empty landscape – because that is where the characters are, emotionally speaking, so that was the setting I needed. But I couldn’t have mapped it – I am not a detailed planner and I often don’t know what emotionally significant locations I need until I hit the relevant sequence!
Obviously the usual caveat applies to all this which is ‘you can do anything if you do it well’. Even I can acknowledge that a good fantasy map is a thing of beauty. For example, Kass, I am deeply pleased by the map from The Unspoken Name, which turns a front-of-fantasy-novel standard into a character moment – want to tell us about how you designed it?
LARKWOOD: I’ll be honest, my intention with the world of Unspoken was to make a fantasy setting that could not be mapped. (For those who haven’t read it: the setting is composed of many worlds connected by portals to an eerie hyperspace labyrinth called the Maze.) I was feeling burnt-out on the idea of a fantasy setting as an alternate universe or RPG setting or any other kind of internally consistent simulation. I wanted to make something not just implausible but impossible, and was feeling very harassed by the idea that someone might ever try to tell me that I was wrong about alluvial plains or something, so the original concept was actively contrarian about geography. For instance, there were rivers but no seas, because they had all been poisoned and destroyed by divine warfare thousands of years ago (take that, The Water Cycle!).
Having made this unmappable world my immediate thought was “but how do I map it, though?” In the actual book, the Maze serves the dual purpose of giving us kind of a space opera feel, and also lets me do a lot of different surreal landscapes while giving the characters the ability to zip around quite freely from one location to another. So the map in the book is a collage of different fragmentary maps of different worlds – it’s supposed to give the impression that the main character has maybe been compiling it on her travels.
MAXWELL: My editor asked me for a map three times. On her third attempt I realised I could no longer pretend I just hadn’t read that line in all her previous emails, panicked and opened PowerPoint, because Paint intimidates me and all I can do with a pencil is stab myself. This tells you everything you need to know about my mapmaking process.
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Q: LARKWOOD: So Silver In The Wood/Drowned Country and Winter’s Orbit are both about a winsome fool who eventually kisses someone more sensible. I’m consistently impressed by how well the two of you can leverage an emerging relationship as the main conflict of your books (sometimes I try but I’ve always gotta put in a big snake or a haunted water feature) – what’s your approach to developing romance dynamics in your writing?
MAXWELL: I love deconstructing romance arcs. It’s a good example of something I could never get right when I started out, so I spent years trying to improve it. Different people have different bits of the writing toolkit when they get into the game (I’ve read Silver in the Wood; Emily was apparently born with the romance kit), but having to put work into something does give you a huge appreciation for what you like and an iron-clad knowledge of what you want to put on the page.
For me, it starts out very simple. You have a flawed character. Everyone else looks at them and thinks, oh, a normal person. Except another main character, who gets to know them and goes: holy shit, this thing you do is amazing and hot – which your first character doesn’t recognise, because to them it is Tuesday. This happens both ways round, and now you have pining. Then life comes at them hard (or in the case of Winter’s Orbit, a murder investigation and an irate press officer), and they both use their skills as a crowbar to crack that problem apart while the other one hands them screwdrivers and tries to remember not to stand there with their mouth open. Now you have accomplices, which is even better than pining. Then they start to trust not only in the other one’s skills, but that the other one will use those skills for the partnership—for them. Now you have a relationship built on a rock-solid foundation, and incidentally a team that everyone else looks at and decides is not worth messing with.
The draw for me is always a whole greater than the sum of its parts. Separately they have flaws and chips and a few veins of gold. Together they are brilliant.
TESH: I am so glad Ev had a smart answer because mine is just ‘and then… they kiss’ and that’s a plot, right.
LARKWOOD: you’re both right, and also witches. I didn’t even know there was going to be a romance subplot in Unspoken until like, the third draft.
Q: LARKWOOD: Both your books take place in a setting which puts interesting pressure on those characters, whether it’s the forest primeval or a bureaucratic labyrinth of space offices. For me one of the great pleasures of writing SFF is that you can shape the world however you like (you will notice that in The Unspoken Name and sequel I somehow managed to construct an entire setting around big snakes and bad ponds). How do you approach worldbuilding?
MAXWELL: There are dozens of ways to approach worldbuilding, obviously, but I think the commonality is like growing pearls: you pick a grain of truth and irritate everyone around you until it turns into something that looks shiny from far away but smells fishy close up. That metaphor got away from me. What I mean is you tend to write what you know, which is an old and hackneyed statement but says something useful about how we can get from blank pages to spaceships.
I don’t know what it’s like to live in a multi-planet space empire. But I do know, intimately, how large bureaucracies work and the multitude of ways they go wrong. I know what snow looks like through glass on a night when you’re already tired and can’t escape to bed for several more hours, which means I know something about the climate and the rhythm of the day. I know how someone sufficiently charming can avoid learning the requisition system and just walk around security controls, which means I know what that requisition and security system looks like. And that gets built out in layers: every time you add an element, you think through more of its consequences, like layering colour on a page. You can very successfully build a world by starting with mountain ranges and rain shadows, obviously. But alternately you could just start with a deep well of creative frustration at the millionth time you’ve filled out Form 34-B, and build it up from there.
Q: TESH: We have joked at various times about our ‘casts of thousands’ – a phrase I think we stole from an essay by Diana Wynne Jones, discussing her short story Carol Oneir’s Hundredth Dream, where the same tiny group of characters are the ‘actors’ in hundreds of different dream narratives. I know I reuse characters or character types from story to story – spot the Large Sad Man in everything I write – but what about you? Who are your cast-of-thousands characters? What are the advantages of reusing a character type rather than lovingly handcrafting each new character from scratch?
LARKWOOD: I guess for the same reason that it’s easier to buy a box of watercolours than to grind your own pigments from the raw earth? The way you mix and apply them is what’s interesting, unless being the guy who makes his own paints is your whole thing – a cool thing, don’t get me wrong, but not everyone needs to write Ulysses.
Anyway I freely admit to this. The antagonist of The Unspoken Name first showed up in a comic I made when I was 14 in which he was an immortal demon overlord and drug baron, which seems like a bit of an unwieldy career combination now I think about it.
If I’m remembering correctly, Carol Oneir’s cast eventually goes on strike because of how clunkily she deploys them as stock characters – the lesson I take from this is that you can get away with dropping your immortal demon overlord in anywhere as long as you hide him well enough.
To be continued…
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this conversation, coming at you in February 2021.
Winter’s Orbit is now available for pre-order. Drowned Country and The Unspoken Name are available wherever books are sold.
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