#also reminds me of that one video of the old British guy idk what its really called -artis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suinumi · 2 years

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In the 2nd part of Sui’s Terraria book ramble, i am going to talk about my personal favourite of the four:

The Exploration and Adventure handbook! taking on a green colour for its cover.

Well just from seeing who is on the cover, you can probably guess why it is my favourite handbook; the travelling merchant is the one narrating! Also, exploration is legit one of my favourite things to do in video games so the topic is also a nice bonus! Note that I will refer the travelling merchant as TM later on! I’m just lazy so i type out TM instead lmao

There is a lot to unpack here, the idea that the Guide asks around several NPCs to write a series of guide books is actually quite cute. It reminds me of the friendship journal from MLP season 4 since everyone gets to chip in, even if its just small tips and info. Hell, the angler even got a section in this book which i will show later on and i will also mention some head canons about it too!

Also, i feel like the writer does a better job at showing the personalities of the NPCs, which you can probably see from the intro. The skeleton merchant mentions, the TM trying to make this interaction a deal and the admissions quote feels likes something i can see the TM say or do hjbfjnvkd-

More skeleton merchant jabs in the unique sights in the underground page. I just found that quite amusing as this gives me a better idea on how these two merchants probably view each other. Also him suggesting that we sell the crystal hearts to him as a better option. Good grief this guy is such a rat i love it

(Also small mention of everyone’s favourite undead archeologist, thought you’d find that interesting)

IDK WHY but i always found Skeletron page in general struck out to me as quite wholesome. The words of encouragement like “you can do it!” and “Don’t get discouraged if you can’t beat him on your first try” is something i don’t really imagine as something the TM would say but I am not complaining! 15 year old me liked to imagine that he has a little bit of a softer side because of this AND the angler mentions in this book which You’ll see soon >:3

Also the enchanted sword section was quite fun to read as it shows his personality well.

Wanted to put these two pages here because of the guide voodoo doll mention. Bet y’all would like it C:

Furthermore, that omelette analogy really is the cherry on top considering i always feel horrible killing the guide and the TM here is like :D omelettes

ALSO that disclaimer about using the pwn hammer? Legendary and awful at the same time. But jokes said, the Hardmode biome page is probably one of my favourite pages in the book

The unicorn on the stick description kinda speaks for itself

…. a bridge….what….where….how?????

FINALLY i can talk about this, i wasn’t expecting it but I honestly LOVE how the writer gave the TM and the angler a nice friendly relationship. In the ocean biome page, the travelling merchant called the angler his friend and I’m just like ohHHHHHhhh <33333333333

I want to let you know that when he mentions other NPCs, he usually calls them as “colleagues” or “client” as with the guide. So calling the angler is friend is just so scrunkly

What’s more, is that the travelling merchant got the angler to write a section in the book. Even if he had to bribe him, the TM still called him a good kid and just said some nice things about him in general. This part is just so cute and is also why i personally headcanon the TM and angler to be on good terms :>

This is also another reason why I imagine the travelling merchant to have a softer side too :0

This small fishing section is quite a joy to read and this is saying a lot since i dont actually like fishing that much in game ^^;

I can really read and feel the anglers personality in these pages. He such a lil shit and i mean that in a endearing way :>

Aaaand here is the conclusion! I like reading these and the intro because it feels like the NPCs are greeting/ saying their goodbyes.

Finally I want to talk about how the TM literally says “cheerio” that’s like THE most stereotypical British way to say bye and as a Brit, this hits different and i don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I have never actually said or heard anyone unironically say cheerio in years LMAO

Anyways I headcanon the TM to be British because of this, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

The amount of headcanons for my favourite NPC that i have made because of this book MANNNNN

Like I said, this one is my favourite of the four so FINALLY being able to talk about it was just, such a huge joy for me. I hope you liked me rambling about this handbook. Once again, feel free to share your thoughts, opinions and even headcanons of the NPCs from reading these page shots ^^

Also i found a way to get around that 10 picture limit, I’ll just compile two page shots like in this post. I post from my phone/tablet so the limit isn’t 30, but i think i can manage this! Do let me know if the quality is okay and you can at least read it :0

I will be tackling the Hard-mode Handbook next and we are now halfway through the Terraria handbooks! Don’t feel too down as i also have the Official sticker book to talk about after the guides so i hope that gives you something to look forward to!

See you in the next one! :D

#terraria #terraria npc #my post #relogic #traveling merchant #terraria book ramble series

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axel-mania · 4 years

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Please talk about Zack.

favorite thing about them

If I have to choose just one it would be his humbleness, which leads him to be considerate in real life, but also has great implications for his character. Not only does it mean he’s able to identify how an ego can grow out of control and portray it suitably obnoxiously, it also means he’s happy to debase him doing ridiculous things and portray himself as completely destroyed by his opponents. Then there’s when his true humbleness even shines through in his character when he tries to downplay his accomplishments around the other Suzuki-gun members and bashfully shuts down their praise. Really love that.

least favorite thing about them

The way his dramatic selling makes me scared for him! He goes all glassy-eyed and limp and still through his pride tries to fight the exhaustion weighing down his body, as if he can be more than the human he is with enough confidence and effort. I suppose this isn’t particularly rare for wrestlers, but the way he specifically portrays it is so striking visually. If I have to give a real dislike, it’s that he’s held onto the British Heavyweight Title for so long. It belongs in its own company, and I feel it’s kept him from being in serious contention for the IWGP belts.

favorite line

“What’s next for Zack Sabre Jr.? Oh, bumming... I’m just going to fuck you,” said Zack, referring to Orange Cassidy, after bowling him over and saying some muffled even more NSFW things. Non-Seb readers, please watch the video! It’s always been lovely how aggressive Zack has been in getting through the message that his opponents are attractive to him, but even as a joke this is a whole new level of gay.

brOTP

Taichi, though Best Friends are tempting. Godspeed You! Zack Emperor. is an incredible friendship to watch. They’ve apparently wasted away the nights not just dancing but doing their best to have heart-to-heart talks through the language barrier, and this sincere attempt at understanding is what I think gives them a very close and natural feeling connection. They’re always on the same page in the ring, and Taichi sincerely tries to calm Zack down, and Zack sincerely tries to promote him, and Taichi thinks Zack is the nicest foreigner he’s ever met and a true British gentleman, and the way they hug and openly consider themselves brothers, and the way they always end up talking about the same things, and the way Taichi was so possessive of Zack after the Tag League civil war match oh wait oh no--

OTP

I mean, we all knew where this was going. Murder besties, Zakupe, El Desperado/Zack Sabre Jr. This is my M/M OTP period, actually, but you know that too, and you’ll probably know everything I’m about to inelegantly say. I guess what’s important about this pairing at the heart of it is that Zack is sweet and naive and unaware of SZKG power dynamics enough that Despy can go to him and be supported without worrying about it being chased by pain or a put-down. From the start of their tag partnership, it was clear that Zack liked Despy, and trusted him and his instincts where others didn’t. He’s even gifted Despy a vape pen, and then there was even the vegan bagel incident. Unsurprisingly, Despy latched on and awarded Zack’s attention with devotion, promising to be there for him, rubbing his shoulders whenever they’re together, making an effort to joke with him to get through the bullshit. They stay physically close and touch each other constantly whenever they’re given the chance to appear in the same place. That certainly implies something, though we can argue about what exactly.

Then there’s the little we know of how Zack reacted to Despy in NOAH, and the intrigue he must have felt, facing this mysterious guy whose face he can never see, who acts romantically towards him one second and then tries to injure him the next. That dissolved into the comfortable companionship they have now, but there’s no reason Zack wouldn’t still find Despy too interesting for his own good. Especially now that he can see what he looks like under the mask, lol. As you and others have pointed out, it’s important for both of them to be with someone that truly likes them and that isn’t an unattainable object to be chased, or an enemy to be destroyed. It’s their best chance at healthiness, and means they can finally have the intimacy (and handsome partner) they deserve. Two seemingly unloveable awful people choosing each other. Suzuki-gun is great at having a fierce loyalty and respect for anyone in their group, and absolute disregard for anyone outside it like they’re the scum under their shoes. And that kind of us against the world dynamic is just fucking great, tbh, especially between the two most visibly othered members of the group.

nOTP

I guess it would have to be Zack and the Boss. The Boss acts like his father more than anything, and Zack admires him like one, and there is a severe power imbalance there… the Boss is clever enough that he knows exactly what he could get away with ordering Zack to do, and that is a very wide pool of things. I’m not saying it couldn’t be written well, and in fact I’ve enjoyed fic where a younger Minoru time-travels and does things with Zack, but it’s not something I’m ever going to want to see. Maybe that’s hypocritical though because I fucking love the ship that is Taichi’s unrequited crush on the Boss lol

random headcanon

He and his old tag partner Marty Scrull are amicable exes. They have a quiet sort of affection for each other, never intense but in a way that feels like they knew each other well once and can always rely on the other person as a comfortable place to be whenever they cross paths. It’s not just they had multiple tag team iterations, showing their relationship endured even after they stopped thinking of the two of them as the center of the (wrestling) world, but they also kissed and fell asleep on each other... But it feels like maybe Zack has evolved past Marty now, idk.

unpopular opinion

I don’t understand why people hate him! Everything about Zack that’s supposed to be awful and obnoxious I just find funny and endearing. But then I’m broken and can’t properly react to wrestling anymore, a heel apologist, so...

song i associate with them

You’ve made me associate Zack with Colossus by Idles. The flurry of pro-wrestling references and passion for justice in the second half definitely captures what he’s trying to do! This is actually an easy one because Zack is such a big music fan that I can also listen to anything he’s mentioned like, say, Nothing Great About Britain by slowthai, and think of him.

favorite picture of them

The beauty of his submission work + his gentleness and patience with others + striking imagery + intimacy, hands. Also the skulls and adorned hearts remind me of Despy

#zack sabre jr #njpw

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bwayfanficblog · 5 years

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Opinions on the BMC OBCR!

(Friendly reminder this is just my opinion! I think this cast recording is over all insanely good, I’m just being a little nit picky because I’ve loved BMC for a while. I had the privilege of seeing BMC in NYC in March, which was amazing and the live performance did influence my opinions a bit. If you have doubts about Will Roland as Jeremy, seeing it live will flip your opinions. Trust me. ❤️)

(edit: my overall opinion of this is that it’s great, but it��s trying WAY too hard. Am I the only one who thinks that the try hard sound completely erases the actual message of BMC? that you don’t have to be someone or soemthing you’re not to impress someone? I feel like the old score was just as amazing and the new actors could’ve done it justice without all of these wild changes. They basically took the creepy retro vibes out of BMC to keep up with modern broadway. I don’t have a problem with it, I just think that it erases the actual message of the show to an extent. I am so in love with Will Roland! He was wonderful live. Feel free to message me and discuss this!)

More Than Survive

- Inclusion of more dialogue is good but I kinda think it breaks up the flow a little

- Will Roland yesss, this song is actually how he sounded live, I wish you could see how incredible he looked and acted during this song

- Inclusion of the “Boyf” dialogue is cute and definitely should’ve been added to begin with

- The new harmonies on “Christineeee” where Jeremy goes up a step is so nice

- Michael’s new part is just as adorable as before, kinda sad they took out the “so own it!” line tho

- Buttt more sweet giggles from Michael makes up for it!

- I don’t like how they cut off the last Canigula so quickly to make room for the chorus singing though idk

- The louder beat slaps tho

- I don’t like how Chloe’s last “I like gay people” is isolated unlike the original cast recording

- Will gives a heartbreaking “I’m never gonna be the cool guy” performance though like damn I almost cried

- The “na na na” is now “na ahh ahh ahh” if that makes sense and it doesn’t give as much impact which makes me wanna die bc that part was so pretty

- Will’s riffs at the end make up for it

I love play rehearsal

- There’s more instruments at the start and I think a flute which is so pretty!!

- Stephanie yessss with those improved vocals

- I think the extra instruments overpower her soft sweet sound at some points in the song tho

- YESS the dialogue that’s now included yesss

- The extra instruments at the end actually add more tho I love it

- A little more dramatic

More than survive (reprise)

- ICONIC

- IM SO HAPPY THEY INCLUDED THIS

- nothing bad to say other than I’m not a fan of the weird pop-y instrumental at the end, when I saw it I think it was a little more spread out instead of included in the song but I could be wrong

The Squip Song

- Gerard’s vocals have gotten even better like yes

- The instrumental sounds about the same as the old recording which makes me glad they didn’t change it too much

- Jeremy sounds scared when he says “you got quick” and I don’t know why ? That’s kinda odd like buddy are you good

- Is rich ok like at all in this song

- The song isn’t as like soft if that makes sense

Two Player Game

- Michael sounds like wants to die when he says “apocalypse of the damned” at the start shaksksks

- BUT THIS SONG IS SO GOOD it’s another one they didn’t change very much

- The instrumental is a little more pop-y but otherwise it’s still got that retro vibe

- George was keeping it real and not changing his vocals in the song for us thank u

- Will Roland come thru with those harmonies once again

- Jeremy’s verse is really soft and sweet and I love it he just sounds done

- The extra lil video game sounds are spot on

- The “You know that you are my favorite person” lines are done so perfect but I’m sad Michael’s little giggle isn’t as prominent

The Squip Enters

- Jake’s “that freak is freaking out” isn’t that funny in this recording sjsksksksk I’m sad

- The Squip’s surfer voice was less prominent live and more realistic and I’m not sure I like it that much in the recording

Be More Chill PT 1

- The Squip has a solo part at the start!! It’s adorable

- Jason Tam yessss

- The Squip calling Jeremy Bae and Boo makes me wanna die tho

- The first part isn’t sung anymore which makes me wanna die too bc he has such a nice voice

- The Squip’s vocals in the chorus tho yes ma’am

- Instead of Jeremy saying “Jesus” he just has a lil panic attack that poor boy

- The Squip kinda sounds British in some parts of it

- You can hear George doing a funny voice for his mall character which makes me laff

- “Jerry?” —“jerry-ME” I love Will

- Chloe is a lot more pissed in this song

Do you wanna ride

- The instruments overpower Brooke in some parts

- They didn’t change the vocal lines too much but they did slow the song a bit ?

- The harmonies are really nice though come through Brooke and Chloe

- The end is also sped up a little

- Brooke’s giggle and the little French at the end was so cute

Be More Chill PT II

- “Everything about me makes me wanna die” LINE WAS SO SAD

- the instrumental build up was so incredible !!

- This is probably my favorite song for the Squip he just brings it vocally

- JEREMY’S LITTLE GIGGLE AFTER “be mORe CHILL” I CRIED

Sync Up

- This replaces the original More than survive reprise

- I don’t like how it takes Michael’s little part out of it because I think it was necessary plus the instrumental part of that slapped

- Also I think it gives us a good insight into the characters but it could’ve been placed somewhere else maybe?

- I also think the beat isn’t very uniform and is kinda messy and the dialogue is more interesting than the actual song

- It shows how nice Jeremy is tho

- I liked this song live better because the actual song just isn’t interesting enough to be a song on its own

- Jeremy and Brooke’s interactions in the song is really nice

- I love the distorted little “na na na” from more than survive though you can tell it’s slightly off

- I don’t like “head to play rehearsal” instead of “drama practice” though I don’t think it flows well

- I’m sad they changed one of my favorite songs !!

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into

- Once again stronger instrumental, especially guitar

- The vocal track doesn’t seem to be changed very much again thank u god

- Weird clappy sounds ??

- The harmony on “absolutely” YES

- Christine’s little breathy laugh after “I guess there’s a part of me that wants to” yes sir

Upgrade

- Brooke speaking French at the start SNSKSKSKSOSK

- I think the dialogue gives more insight into Brooke and Jeremy’s relationship

- “Jere-Bear” NAJAKAKA

- THEY TOOK THE LITTLE “damn” OUT NO

- Jake and Christine’s part is cute but it felt a little out of place for some reason and I don’t know why, like the little sad dialogue they have about Jake’s parents feels weird but it’s really

- “I’m tired of being the person everyone thinks that I am” feels like it should’ve been a part of sync up instead of upgrade

- Brooke saying she was happy Jeremy looking at her instead of Chloe first made me wanna bawl

- Also it makes me wanna punch Jeremy

- Poor Jenna got like 1 like in this song

- I feel like it wasn’t smooth transition into Loser Geek Whatever at the end I don’t like the whole weird chorus thing leading into it at all

- Feels out of place without Michael’s little part at the end, I’m sad they’re cutting significant Michael parts, I know they kept it in LGW but it felt more in place in upgrade

Loser Geek Whatever

- It’s great and Will re recorded it for the album because it seems to have more emotion and be more genuine

- He sounds super excited at the start and it makes happy

- One of the few songs that managed to keep BMC’s kinda creepy computer tech vibe which is weird because it wasn’t even in the original album I wonder if it was written newly or was a draft from the first run back in 2013-2015

- A little more upbeat but in a good way

- Will’s vocals sound a lot better than the first recording

- Extra beeping at “my one real friend” was nice

Halloween

- Brooke does a little bark at the start awe

- The beat doesn’t go as hard as the OG cast recording which sucks bc it went hard

- Everyone kinda sounds like they wanna die at the start again which seems like common theme??

- The chorus doesn’t slap either what

- The song also got cut a little short I think unless I’m crazy but I feel like it was longer than this?

- Extra verse at the end and I don’t really like it

- Kinda boring now and doesn’t give you a panic attack vibe like the OG one did

Do You Wanna Hang

- Only song where they changed a lot that made it better

- Included the dialogue at the start which makes the song make more sense

- The Squip’s Voice is so smooth ssnskskskw

- Chloe’s losing her mind a little but I love it

Michael in the Bathroom

- Jesus George’s vocals OWN MY WHOLE ASS

- He’s only gotten better somehow

- No to the new pop-y sounds in it it takes sad creepy feel out of it

- Too much instrumental added bc it doesn’t sound like ballad anymore

- I dunno how I feel about it because George’s vocals are perfect but the instrumental is doing him dirty and not making it sad enough

- This song gives me anxiety now wjsjsksks and I don’t know if that’s good or bad?

- The few lines and instrumental lines are the same as the OG which is good

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (reprise)

- SO HAPPY THEY INCLUDED THIS TOO

- Whoever’s playing that flute was told to play that shit LOUD

- Jeremy’s “Christineee” omg he’s so in love

The Smartphone Hour

- The new instrumental sounds at the start sound bonk

- The phone sound effects make me wanna die dndkjssk

- Tiffany Mann’s voice COME THROUGH

- The “whoaaaa” was changed which makes me sad

- I’m glad they specified it was Jake’s house because when I listened to the OG one at first I was like did he just burn down a random house ??

- The dialogue between Chloe and Brooke is kinda dramatic now but it’s not a bad thing

- KATHYLN CARLSON’S VOICE IN HER SOLO CHORUS YES SIS

- the whistle noise has gotta go that’s what my track coaches whistle sounded like when I wasn’t running fast enough

- I’m scared now the dance break sounds like salsa music

- “Matches, ashes” was changed to “drama, drama” girl what

- Brooke’s screams yes

- The random auto tune voices in the back are trying to capture the creepy vibe that this song originally has but isn’t doing it

- This song isn’t changed much though and still has the OG vibes which is good

The Pants Song

- The weird piano at the start scares me

- The lyrics have changed a bit too

- I’m not too familiar with this song because I don’t listen to it so often but it doesn’t sound too different from the OG cast recording which is good instrumental wise

- The chorus sounds different though I don’t know how I feel about it

- The “Michael in the bathroom” melody playing in the back during the dialogue YES

- Omg the dialogue where Jeremy’s dad tells him to say it like he’s in the army omg I’m weak

- YES THE HARMONY RIGHT AFTER RHAY DIALOGUE

The Pitiful Children

- My fav song

- Not this version I don’t think but

- I don’t mind the lyric changes but I think it takes the dark creepy techno vibe out of the song

- If it was anyone other than Jason Tam singing this version I wouldn’t like it

- The chorus lost its punch with this new pop sound

- I’m really confused as to why the lyrics had to change tho these make less on an impact, I think a solo song with Jeremy and the Squip about Christine would’ve cooler

- The Squip and Jeremy’s harmonies tho like fuck me up

- The techno voice singing “lets save the pitiful children” is eh like it makes it cheesy

- I’m scared of the Squip singing “Squip Squip Squip”

- “Everything about us” run is still amazing as always

- I just realized the Squip is using Christine to manipulate Jeremy into squipping everyone that makes sense that’s why the lyrics are changing

The Play

- The dialogue at the start is different but it makes sense, it’s Jeremy realizing the Squip made him Squip the whole cast

- The instrumental sound is the same thankfully

- “Michael makes an entrance” sounds like Michael wants to die is he good

- It adds Michael and Jeremy’s fighting dialogue in it which I like and adds the two player game melody in the back

- Jake’s “living the upgrade” line was cut short :((( I love his voice

- They changed the “having sex” convo between Brooke and Chloe which doesn’t make it relevant to that scene anymore ?? But they also validate each other so idc

- The “I love play rehearsal” melody playing when Christine talks yes ma’am

- “I’m stronger than you think I am” I LOVE JEREMY

- The LGW melody playing when Jeremy is telling the Squip to fuck off

- Jeremy and Michael saying “oh god” back and fourth to each other in different tones of voice is an accurate representation of having a best friend conversation

Voices in my head

- The start sounds like pac-man and I’m so here for it

- RICH HAS HIS LISP YES QUEEN also his harmonies !!

- This instrumental is kept pretty much the same too which I’m happy about

- “Don’t dump her on Halloween” BYE I love u Brooke

- “We are your squad” AWE

- It’s so pure

- The second verse has some lyric changes but I like them more

- LGW melody is playing when he and Christine talk which is so soft bc he’s like owning being a loser?

- The “bowling alley performance art” line wouldn’t make sense if you haven’t watched the show but it’s cute

- The loud flute is present again shsksksksks

- Awe the ending harmonies are soft

- The Squip was tripping balls in the end of that wtf

- The “na na na” runs at the end don’t sound like the more than survive ones sjsksksk

- “You ready?” I LOVE

- Jeremy is such a dork and I love that so much in this song

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lunasaturnine · 4 years

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Vienna and cultural trauma

WOW so cool to sign into tumblr and see 99+ notifications, and think “oh a post got some attention,” but it’s actually just general attention!

My astro blog is ready for some action! Or maybe ppl are just bored bc of the quarantine. Either way, it would be cool to write.

I want to write about VIENNA.

I just took a course about somatic healing of trauma and it gave me a good overview of how trauma recovery works. Chapter 1 of trauma recovery is gathering resources. Chapter 2 is dipping or oscillating back into the memory, whether it’s a clear memory or just something held hidden in your body, with your new resources, and allowing circles to complete. Chapter 3 is being bigger bigger brighter in the world !!! (It’s a nice course, it’s on somatopia.com, it costs $40 if you have that to throw around, it’s like 2 hours of videos of a nice man talking in a soothing voice in intelligent language about healing from trauma)

Now I’m thinking about cultural trauma and Vienna. I have long felt that helping to heal the Hitler wound of Vienna is one of my soul’s major dharmic thrusts. So I googled “healing cultural trauma” and most resources out there talk about the trauma of the victim culture. That kind of trauma is totally different, because it recommends amplifying the traditions and greatnesses of the culture, and when you’re a cultural perpetrator of violence, amplifying the greatness of your culture is a trigger because cultural superiority is what lead your culture to be violent. But there are still a lot of resources with a lot of valuable information. I’ve only skimmed a couple things so far and it seems like one thing people emphasize in cultural healing is human connectedness.

The internet is a little hard to navigate on this topic, but I found an NYT editorial called “I loved my grandmother but she was a Nazi.” The author’s sweet grandma was literally a Nazi but she was a nice person who didn’t hate Jews. When the author talked to her about it, she would deflect. “He said a lot of things, I didn’t listen to them all” and “I was caught up in my own life” etc. The author says, that’s bullshit, there’s something she’s avoiding, and I can’t understand what it is or why she’s doing it, and I’m hesitant to say this because it might seem like I’m trying to forgive Naziism but I’m really just trying to understand who I look at when I look at my grandmother. It’s the most direct address of the West’s Nazi wound that I’ve found in my two and a half minutes of searching on google and I think it’s on the nose.

In the readmore are my more concrete thoughts on potential resources for Western/German/Viennese healing, and thoughts about what working through phase 2 would look like for a perpetrator culture.

Resources

On this reddit post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/5nfqwp/my_grandmother_grew_up_in_nazi_germany/

there are some resources. First of all, 1. there are people from diverse backgrounds respective to WWII, coming together and talking as equals in the same kind of “room.” The descendants of the persecuted and the persecutors are together and they are not enemies. The knowledge, and SOMATIC FEELING EXPERIENCE, of that, can be a resource. I am typing over this brusquely and that’s Mercury magic for you and you should know that I just burst into sobs. That in just a couple of generations, the grandsons and daughters of enemies can be together and not hate each other and even love each other is an immense resource and can be leaned into at any point. There is a vast well of cultural relief available here. My tears are thankful, grateful tears, tears of relief. I am thinking of the parks in vienna that are holocaust memorial parks. I am thinking of that horrible statue out in front of the Albertina that is a memorial to cultural violence but at the same time, also represents the trapped soul of the Perpetrator culture, since we are all One. In the same way that a piece of music which opens with a terrifying chord represents both the terror experienced by the terrorized, and the menace of the terrorizer, AND THE FEELINGS IN THE terrorizer that caused them to generate this chord... off on a tangent, and I’m not sobbing anymore! That was crazy. I have a tendency to lock my feelings up, but being alone in this house and in this quarantine, I can open up locked wells of feeling like that.

That resource is IMMENSE, and it’s RIGHT in front of our faces all the time. I took a class on 20th century germany in undergrad, and the professor was a young guy with a Nazi grandfather, well I’m not sure if he was a Nazi but he was a German soldier, and he remarked on it. And I think at the time I thought “how lovely” but if you sit with that feeling, it’s deep as hell. And if you sit with it from the perspective of a penitent perpetrator, it’s REALLY FUCKING DEEP.

So that’s available. Im gonna post this real quick as a way of saving the draft but I have more ideas.

Okay. Continuing,

Resource 2 also from reddit post

The top respondent says his German POW uncle had a British GF. That’s similar to the first resource, but more immediate. I’m sure there are lots of stories like that. Intercultural experience that nullifies certain tensions

Resource 3 also from reddit post

The stories of people who did do the right thing... maybe. I dont know. I’ll get off this post soon but it’s interesting. Idk if this counts as a resource, it’s kind of a tangent, but the more I learn about karma and trans-life inheritance of it, the more it seems true that it really is better to die living in line with your beliefs than to live safely. Like the person in Pweuy’s post. That father died but his karma was pristine as far as this was concerned and perpetrator trauma did not cling to him.

ok jesus this is an interesting post... the girl skipping over the river of blood as it trickled out of the asylum... the hitler youth boy befriending a lamb and the nazis slaughtering it in front of him... the russian soldier who guarded the german girl because she reminded him of her daughter...

Okay. Before I go on, I want to clarify that I am not specifically talking about people who held Nazi beliefs in their core. There is a special type of perpetrator injury that is specific to that kind of thing, true villains and terrorists. I’m talking more about “ordinary Germans” who didn’t think very hard and got swept along, moderate supporters to moderate resisters. As a culture, they were moved by the tides into Naziism. They have culpability, but not the exact same kind of culpability as perpetrator people. The culture moved to perpetrate these crimes, and they were a part of that culture. That’s the specific kind of wound I’m interested in healing. There is a poster on that page whose grandma really loved Hitler...

Ok! I spent a lot of my energy in that page, now its 10PM and I still have veggies to prepare. I need energy for this next thing I was going to talk about.

Resource 4 - this one specific coffee shop

I’m putting *s in its name because I like this blog anonymous. P*****n is a coffee shop in Vienna that is the only happy place I went. There were places that were ok... and fine... maybe pleasant... but this place was American levels of happy. Waiters danced around and were actually relaxed and happy. P*****n’s theme is intergenerational communication. It hires grandmothers to work behind the counter, and make pies, and you’re supposed to buy a slice of their pie and talk to them a bit. And then the waiters are young, and they communicate with the Omas. And the Omas are maybe not old enough to have been Nazis but their parents were.

They also include a bit in all their menus about intergenerational dialogue and wondering what more they can do and how they can be more of a space for it.

I had MANY genuinely pleasant little experiences there... and I think that little space that some person with a vision made, is a blossoming flowerpot with lots of healing energy where true dialogue could happen. So that could be a resource too. The happiness of that place. In fact, these conversations could happen there.

But I wouldn’t want to break the space. The course I just took talked about titration, which is just accessing a TINY part of the traumatic memory, so you don’t get overwhelmed. This is a very icy fucked up conversation for a lot of people. My Viennese friend told me to talk more quietly about it than I was. Actually I did talk about it there with some people! The German girl was surprised that I thought Vienna had a wound. So was the Irish girl actually. For other people it’s really evident. My Viennese friend. D**n. Rf: “it’s ALL I feel when I am there.” ME. God that conversation was sooo gentle and sweet and light. The Irish girl was wondering if she should move to Vienna or stay in Barcelona, and the three of us talked about Vienna nd it was SOOOOO LOVELY, holy BALLS.

But even if we don’t hold conversations there exactly, that could be a really good place for conversation to start. I could reach out to the people who run the shop to ask them about it. And then maybe conversations could happen in other places (don’t want to spoil the sweetness of the shop).

Resource 5 - personal as I investigate maybe not really a resource - but yes maybe it is a resource: Grounded, comfortable people who are Viennese, and who understand the goals and also understand the sensitivities of Viennese people more than I do;

Resource 6 - people who are experts at cultural healing in victim cultures

Resource 7 - fostering dialogue between those two parties, also me.

Again I’m really playing fast and loose with the idea of resources. Maybe. We’re starting to move into phase 2, also, because with this dialogue, I want to open up some scripts for how to TITRATE sensitively.

phase 2

For instance, notice that I didn’t say something like “Remembering Vienna’s amazing heritage of incredible music that has the power to redeem and heal equal to and more accessibly than religions.” I think it’s true that Viennese music is a major healing resource (BEETHOVENSCHUBERTMOZARSKLTBSLJRTHBLEWSKJNS:OFDFD), but since it is bound up in Viennese identity, that notion is complex. Also, it’s not only that Viennese identity is nasty because it’s nazi and therefore that gives Schubert etc a dark tint, but also, the grand things that Vienna has contributed to western culture are now a part of Vienna’s current wound of degradation, cheapification, and humiliation by TOURISM. although I will say that I think Resource 8 should be MY OWN deep internalization of the healing power of Viennese music. Posting again to save...

...not only does that music help me be healed, but it also helps me understand healing process in the specific language of the culture i’m interested in

okay. Phase 2.

A picture of what I think sorta needs to happen

I think Omas that say “It was just a lot of talk, we ignored it” and “I was busy in my life”... I think what needs to happen for a perp culture is for them to actually own their part in the villainy, to claim it and stand in it and feel the pain, and say “I’m SORRY, this was HORRIBLE, I AM SORRY.” THIS WILL ALLOW THEM TO BECOME NEW!!!!!!!

That’s a v different healing process from like native american healing etc.

I really think somatic approach is a better road in than cognitive because, god, imagine cognizing all of this HORRIBLE SIN bit by bit knowing your culture perpetrated it and not having anyone to blame it on. Jesus.

How might the process of getting there look?

This is vague especially now that I don’t have that burst of energy. Conversations...

Here’s a question. After resource gathering.

“Knowing that bells rang for Hitler in Vienna, how does it feel to be Viennese?” IN YOUR BODY?

Damn THAT’S GOOD! THAT’S THE FUNDAMENTAL QUESTION. How does it feel to be Viennese? The goal is for it to feel OK.

Um, speaking specifically about Wiener trauma and their welcoming of Hitler, a few years ago, I read this in some guidebook, Vienna’s government acknowledged that they welcomed Hitler and that they were wrong, and investigating that is important for my mission. It’s cool because 1. it’s a Big Ol Step and 2. it lays groundwork for all of this.

Step 3 is really beautiful to think about. In the course I took, it’s where the instructor got out of his soothing calm neutral demeanor and started speaking passionately and bursting with smiles.

In addition to being able to be more firmly grounded in their own individual and cultural identities...

Okay, so, I’m drawn to this because I’m drawn to it, punkt. That’s all. But also, and I think I’m really late on the uptake here, I think I was due in Vienna many years ago, I think that whatever work I do in Vienna is helpful for the echoes of Naziism in today’s world, such as Trumpism (which does not...exactly... have the same kinds of premises but uses a lot of the same kinds of mecahnisms) and actual brazen nationalism, white supremicism, and far right movements. Hitler is a LOUD and REVERBERANT figure in our history for this kind of energy, and if we can do healing surrounding him, re-discovering resilience in the moderates, helping them go through the emotional journey they need to go through, they will be a beautiful resonant horn call from the past, a solid core of NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that will strengthen the culture of the entire FUCKING world.

Music will be a part of it.

I have always loved Vienna, and I can’t really analyze it. I love it like a girlfriend. I know she’s problematic. And she can be really really horrible.

The wound is deep. The horribleness, the life negating quality not only of the FUCKING WRETCHED SHOP CLERKS, but also of the WAY -- THINGS -- HAPPEN, of the overall weird ass SPIRIT in Vienna, is... God DAMN WHY do I like that city so much? It’s bizarre. It’s very pervasive. I don’t enjoy experiencing it, I don’t think it’s attractive, I don’t like it. I love Vienna THROUGH that wound. I REALLY LOVE Vienna. That’s one of the clearest things that I know in my heart. I love Vienna... and that’s the whole story. It’s one of the easiest things for me to say.

Lots of people love a city. We do it for reasons. I think our hearts are drawn where they are drawn because we are attracted to healing the specific karmas of places. The karma of my hometown is mainly racial, with native american underneath. The coffee shop that is equivalent to P*****n serves often as a place of racial conversation and healing. It is actually pretty amazing. And once there was a white supremacist with a gun there and he stood up on a table and let people see his gun. He didn’t yell or anything. But that vital thing happened there in that coffee shop.

Excuse me I also love coffee shops and Vienna is the land of coffee shops.

Okay. I love Vienna! I literally love Vienna, with my heart. I love Vienna.

One last thing. I’m saving then editing...

The postscript: A major resource, and it kinda sidesteps some things, is language. It will be much better if German is spoken in these conversations. When I went to Vienna last, I didn’t prepare my German because when I went to Vienna first, everyone spoke English and it was simply easier to speak English all the time, so I figured I wouldn’t try to give the illusion and disappoint. But lo... the native people really, really resent it if you don’t even try to speak German. They actually seem to experience it as an injury. It is wild, if you’re not expecting it.

ALL OVER VIENNA I saw the Graffiti stamp/brand, “Tourism is terrorism.”

When I was in the airport and the cute customs dudes asked me the purpose of my visit, I said “TOURISM” and they laughed. That was fun. But it was a lie. I was a pilgrim. I... know I was a tourist, technically. But I felt such hatred for the tourists standing like apes in front of the Schubert statue in the Stadtpark. Their wretched selfie smiles plastered on top of the emptiness of their experience. My purpose in Vienna had nothing in common with theirs. And I claim that I didn’t do a lot of the tourist things - not many museums or concerts or whatever.

One of my more pleasant memories was going into a used book shop and asking about a book in the window, a German-language edition of the tao te ching from 1923 (a very strange time). I asked in English. The clerk was confused and asked if I spoke German, and I answered in German that I spoke some German, but was learning, and knew the TTC very well, and that it’s simply usually easier to speak in English. I might have used imperfect German, but I felt dignified and natural doing it.

Ok, not only the German language, but the quiet Viennese demeanor of Scorpiness. Scorpscorpscorpscorp. Quiet, observant, emotional, and responsive to gentle tenderness and consideration, and traumatized by brashness.

Both the spoken language, and the language of the demeanor, I think are somatic approaches that sidestep cognitive...things and make the culture feel unconsciously accepted and open.

On my first trip I learned howwwwww AMERICAN I was, and then on my second trip I opened myself up to my inner Wiener and was quiet and scorpy, and I felt warmth emerge from the people and city in response. It felt really right, and it felt like i was honoring...her, and it felt um sort of romantic. ha

#Vienna #Wien

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