I don't think I will ever get over this

Ashton saying 'I love you' at TMH Düsseldorf, 18.04.22 💗

Depression is not okay. Being SUICIDAL, is definitely not okay.

Okay so I was here to tell a story about my friend. He is my friend since I was in 1st year college, sobrang tahimik nya noon. Mahiyain, tapos he’s not comfortable sa madaming tao. Pero nasali sya sa barkada namin. We know na introvert sya. He can’t face you fully kapag kausap mo sya ((well, before yon, pero he gained confidence nung nag 4th year na kami)). Ganon. Lagi namin sya kasama kapag may galaan kami. As in he’s part of our Barkada. :)  He loves to play games, he can buy anything he wants ((yes, he’s rich)), before lagi sya nanlilibre ((he has a huge amount of allowance siguro)). He loves anime. He loves collecting stuff ((like anime plushies or what do you call that digimon or yu gi oh cards)). Ganon. Parang yun yung buhay nya. He seldoms posts about his real life, especially families. ((parang di ko pa nga ata nakikita family pics nila tho)) ~ well, i’m a stalker type of girl you know HAHAHA kaso I haven’t stalked anything about his family.  So I don’t know the real story. I can’t remember kung kelan ko siya finollow sa twitter, but all I know na nakikita ko na posts nya is about anime, or yung mga collectibles nya, or mga games nya. Di ko masyado pinapansin. Pero kaninang umaga. That was arounf 4:35am, I scrolled on my twitter timeline and I saw his tweet saying “Di na ata ako magigising bukas, oh well...” and I saw my 2 friends replied around 3:30am and the other one around 4:00am, saying “May pasok pa tayo sir haha” and “pst arat na gising” ((arat = tara na binaliktad jsyk)), I’ve got goose bumps when I read their replies. I didin’t thought at first that he’s suicidal. until I saw the icon of his twitter account which is a guy under a hanging rope. 

So I stalked his twitter account, and saw some suicidal thoughts. He even changed his header picture saying “I’m fine” but still there’s a rope wrapped around the letter F ((which symbolizes of hanging himself)). And a thought I remembered, he’s been like that for a long time ago, but maybe he’s full enough na ngayon. That’s why I replied also and I said “Tiktilaok sabi ng manok HAHAHA Gising na!” pretending that I’m not getting his thought. Then medyo malelate na ako, so Left home and went to school. Nung dumating ako sa school, yung girl na isang nag reply dun sa tweet nya I said “Girl, si ced..” then naintindihan nya sabi nya “Uy oo gago, suicidal na sya, kausapin nyo yon” And I approached two of our barkada guys, sabe ko “Uy, si ced, try nyo kaya sya kausapin” kase mag close sila eh.  then, I was shookt by their response:

“DI YON, LAST YEAR PA SYANG GANON, DI NAMAN NYA TINUTULOY”

I got a little bit angry with their response, kase naman omg guys, palibhasa kase kayo, you haven’t had a thought of being suicidal, kase maaayos ang buhay nyo. I myself, experienced being a suicidal, pero I’m weak. I value my life. I’m an optismistic person kaya nalabanan ko yon. Pero that’s what I’m pointing about, matagal na syang suicidal, sa sobrang tagal, baka this time na trigger na sya. Kase sa sobrang tagal, bakit hindi nawawala yung thought nya na yon. It means, no one’s helping him. No one is standing right beside him. Kaya nahihirapan syang labanan yung depression. Very very delikado yung ganon kase maybe he doesn’t know what to do anymore, then yun yung mag trigger sakanya na gawin lalo yun. Di ko sya kaklase, pero I want to know kung pumasok sya. So, when I got home around 1:00pm, I did my things and around 3:00pm, I asked one of our barkada na girl, na classmate nya, I asked kung pumasok sya. She said no. Then I sensed na alam nya din, sabe nya sakin may nagsabi na din daw sya kanya about kay Ced, isa sa batchmates namin, na kausapin na daw si Ced. Kala ko kami lang nakapansin. So yun, until now wala pa akong balita ulit kay Ced. I don’t know kung anong nangyari sakanya. Sabi ng iba namin kabarkada is baka daw umuwi sa bahay nila ((pag may pasok kase, naka condo sya mag isa)) Hay, I want to comfort him talaga. I want to make him feel na he have friends na susuportahan sya. I just want to be a friend na pwede nyang maging outlet ng positiveness. I hope he is okay. :(