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selfcareparker · 3 years

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okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

#ok i wrote some if this on the tube/on the bus/at the dentist/in bed so if this seems like it’s all over the place #that’s bc i was literally all over the place skshg #*of #also i love how you used tags skajahsg #lovely anon #<3 #sorry if some of the sentences didn‘t make sense or were too fucking long i wrote half of this half asleep #and i know i dont have to apologise but still like no one should have to read all my page long sentences that arent even proper sentencesskk

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phancystuff · 7 years

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Trying to Remember How it Feels (To Have a Heartbeat) 3/7

Pairing: Dan/ Phil (Phan) Summary: Dan moves into a new apartment in London and, though it’s a step up from his old apartment, his landlord gives him strange warnings while he’s touring the place– something about the last renters leaving because of ghost sightings. But, Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural. He quickly changes his tune when he meets Phil Lester, the ghost haunting his apartment. Well, if haunting means quickly becoming the best friend he’s ever had. (Title from Harry Styles’ song Two Ghosts) Notes: Part 3 of my Spooky Week Special! This fic is almost 100% already written and I plan on updating it every day until Halloween. Please note that, although this fic has the warning of major character death, it is not in any way graphic. Tags/ Warnings: ghost au, Halloween, major character death (obv. it’s a ghost au lol), depictions of panic attacks, angst, fluff, HAPPY ENDING, mentions of suicide (it happens in a movie they watch)

Read it on A03 Part One Part Two

Dan and Phil got even closer after their argument. They continued to play video games and watch movies and shows. Dan made YouTube videos and Phil helped with the whole process, itching to edit something again. They fell into a downright psychic rhythm. Phil cooked for Dan. Dan bought Phil things off Amazon, just to see Phil’s eyes shine with delight when Dan shoved Amazon boxes at him. Dan bought him video games, stuffed animals, DVDs, an iPad. Dan tried to convince Phil to make a Twitter account, just to interact with the world again. Phil couldn’t do it; it felt wrong, somehow. Like he was lying to people. His moral compass was much stronger than Dan’s.

Dan, meanwhile, became obsessed ghost research, wanting so much for Phil. Dan wanted to find out why Phil was stuck in one place, unable to float past the entryway of their flat. He wanted to find out why Phil was stuck as a ghost in this life, anyway. Wasn’t there some ‘great beyond’ that Phil was missing out on?

The problem with ‘ghost research’ was that there were so many crazy people out there who hadn’t even interacted with a single ghost, trying to convince the world that there were experts. There was a lot of information to sift through. A lot of suggestions to try that sounded ridiculous. Dan really couldn’t find much information about the questions that he really had, so he had to resort to testing out things that were interesting, but largely unimportant.

The first ‘fact’ that the two boys decided to test out, was whether or not Phil could change his appearance. They were sitting on the couch; Phil was playing online Mario Kart on the switch (“What happened to lying to people?” “Mario Kart doesn’t count, Dan! Who cares if you’re playing against a ghost?”) Dan was on his macbook, reading a dodgy-looking page called “The Laws of the Poltergeist,” when one of the supposed ‘laws’ peaked his interest. Ghosts are in complete control of their physical manifestation. Most simply choose to continue to look like what they did when they died.

“Phil?” Dan lowered the screen of his laptop, watching Phil’s mii drive around on the Rainbow Road map.

Distracted, Phil yelped when a red shell hit his car in a direct hit. “Huh? What?” He was in fourth place now.

“Have you ever tried to look different?”

“How do you mean?” Phil jerked his head and shoulders, almost as if he was trying to turn his car faster with the help of his body.

“I mean, this site says that ghosts can look like whatever they want to look like. You could look like Sarah Michelle Gellar if you wanted to!” Phil’s character raced toward the finish line, crossing it and locking in fifth place. Phil groaned.

“Oh, um. That would be weird! You couldn’t get me to stop looking in the mirror if I looked like Sarah Michelle Gellar.”

“You get my point, though. Have you ever tried?”

Phil put down the controller on the couch next to him, gripping his own chin and looking thoughtful. “Ah, no, I guess I haven’t. I never considered trying to look different. I don’t even know where I’d start.” Dan looked down at the same blue shirt and sweatpants that Phil was wearing the day they met. The outfit still confused Dan; in his old videos, Phil usually wore dark jeans and nerdy t-shirts.

“You could start small? Try changing your shirt? I mean, you’ve been wearing nothing but pjs this whole time, how rude.”

Phil smiled, looking down at his worn outfit. “Oh, hmm. I have no idea what I would change it to.”

“Do you want some inspiration?” Dan clicked away on his keyboard, pulling up the Topman site and picking a red flannel shirt. He spun the laptop toward Phil, showing him the shirt. “Try that?” Phil stared at the image, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration.

“I don’t even know what I’m focusing my energy on,” Phil mumbled. Minutes of silence went by and Dan was starting to think that this ‘poltergeist fact’ was crap. Suddenly, he watched with wide eyes as Phil’s blue shirt slowly morphed colors. It turned purple, first. Then red.

“Phil! You’re doing it!”

The ghost looked down and saw the red t-shirt. “Hey, wow! Look at that! I mean, it’s not long-sleeved or plaid, but it’s definitely not blue anymore! Do I suit it?” Phil twisted his torso around, proudly showing off the color. Dan looked at Phil in the new shirt, smiling. Dan hadn’t seen the ghost in anything but blue and the sudden change brought out all the wonderful things about Phil’s appearance. His blue eyes and clear, pale skin seemed to glow brighter.

“It looks good, Phil! Damn!” Dan tried to hide the truth of his comments in overexaggerated banter, but Phil still blushed in response.

“I’ll work on that one. I think with a bit of practice, I could make it so I can change my clothes every day. Like I’m dressing myself again! What was that website you used?”

Dan showed Phil the Topman website and asked his followers to send him some outfit suggestions, ‘for a friend just getting into the world of fashion.’ Dan’s heart glowed with the realization that, slowly, Dan was giving Phil little bits of his humanity back.

Phil practiced his new found power obsessively. Dan often found Phil in front of a mirror, staring hard at his face with a familiar look of concentration. Often, Dan’s computer would be next to him, propped up on the bathroom sink. Phil quickly gained the ability to easily change his clothes and he loved it. He wore flannel, nerdy tees, button-ups with zany patterns. He tried every suggestion that Dan’s twitter followers sent in, including some utterly ridiculous ones like camouflage dungarees and a shirt with obnoxious tassels. Dan liked when Phil insisted on Dan watching him ‘try on’ outfits. Phil would ask Dan’s opinion and spin around, walking across the lounge like he was on a catwalk. Dan would watch him fondly, showering him with compliments and slowly realizing that he was falling every so slightly in love with a ghost.

Sooner or later, Phil discovered that he could also change his hair. After one memorable afternoon with bright teal hair, Phil stuck to simply changing the length. He wasn’t as experimental with his hair as he was with his clothes. When Dan had asked why, Phil had just replied that, although his haircut was a little out of style, he couldn’t help but feel that he wouldn’t be him without the emo fringe. Dan couldn’t disagree. Phil decided to shorten his hair a little bit, trying the shaved sides look that everyone had in the year 2017. Phil came out of the bathroom one morning after making this particular change and Dan’s mouth actually dropped open. “What, does it not look good? I swear I tried. Maybe I should just stick with the long, emo fringe.”

“No, no, it looks really good. You look older! Like how 30 year-old Phil might look.” Dan stared at his friend, openly gawking. Phil looked really attractive. Dan wondered what their life would be like if things had gone differently. If Dan and Phil had met when they both had heartbeats. He reached out to Phil, wanting to touch his new hair. Phil jerked back, but didn’t do so in time and they made skin-to-ghostly-skin contact.

Dan called out, pain searing through his fingers. They felt like he had stuck them in the snow for hours. “Fuck, oh, ow!” He breathed on his hand, frantically trying to warm his digits.

“Crap, sorry!” Without thinking, Phil stuck out his hands as if to grab Dan’s, but Dan jerked them away just in time.

“No! That’s not gonna help, you idiot.” Warmth started to return to Dan’s hand and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yeah.” Phil’s voice broke and Dan looked up from his hands, alarmed. He watched a tear escape the corner of Phil’s eye. “I was always a touchy person. I cuddled every person that ever showed me an ounce of affection. Out of all the things that I can’t do anymore, not being able to touch people is the worst.” Dan watched in horror as the tears came faster and spilled down Phil’s cheeks. The ghost wiped them away roughly.

“Oh, Phil.” Dan didn’t know what to say-- or do, for that matter. How could he comfort someone he couldn’t touch?

“Sorry for getting emotional. Your hand made mine feel so… warm. I forgot what that felt like.” Phil looked at his hand in wonder. Dan distracted Phil with another outfit suggestion and they didn’t talk about the occurrence.

***

After a week of practice, Phil found that he could also morph his face and body. This really made him nervous. He couldn’t shift his appearance drastically (“Dan, the Sarah Michelle Geller dream will have to remain a dream”), but he could age himself up or down. It was like his body knew what to do; Phil just had to think about doing it. Phil didn’t really want to age himself at first, but he slowly grew used to the squarer jaw and the new wrinkles around his eyes that appeared when he concentrated on his true age. He found that he liked being taller, even though he was always still shorter than Dan. He also enjoyed occasionally scaring Dan by appearing seven years old and asking him to “come play with me!”

Dan continued on his quest for ghost facts, but ones that proved to be true weren’t really forthcoming. The two boys tried new experiments with electricity, but gave up after Phil blew out one too many lightbulbs. Phil tried to ‘possess’ objects, but that one was just a complete failure that ended in Phil running into Dan’s wardrobe and knocking a pile of books off the top (“Who puts books on a wardrobe?” “Who tries to possess a wardrobe?”) Phil was too nervous about trying to possess a person. It seemed risky. Dan on the other hand, bothered Phil about it on a regular basis.

One morning in September, Dan was eating a bowl of Crunchy Nut at the dining room table when the subject came up again. “I’m just saying, Phil, if you possess me, you might be able to leave the apartment! Can you imagine that? You could see London! We could fly out to Japan.”

Phil snorted. “You’re way too eager for me to possess you. Is it a secret kink?”

Dan choked on his cereal, swallowing milk down his windpipe. He coughed. “Phil!”

“I’m just saying.” Dan cleared his throat. Phil always acted so innocent, then pulled these innuendoes from nowhere, completely throwing Dan off.

After recovering, Dan spooned another mouthful of cereal past his lips. “Hmm… secret kink, eh? I mean, it is the ultimate loss of control. Enter me, dad!”

Phil grinned. Banter between them was like a perpetual tennis match; they were always on the same wavelength, playing off each other’s sense of humor perfectly. Dan often wondered what making a video with Phil would be like. Their chemistry would probably be viral. “I’ll never get used to everyone ironically saying dad in 2017. How does it even make sense?” They sat in companionable silence until Dan was finished with his cereal. He got up and rinsed out the bowl, running a hand through his curly hair, trying to determine if a shower would be necessary. He sat on the kitchen counter.

“I am serious about trying out the possession thing, Phil. If there’s even a little bit of life I can give back to you, I want to.” Dan turned around, leaning against the sink and staring at Phil.

“Dan,” Phil warned quietly. “I’m dead. My life is over and that’s ok. You can’t stop living your life on account of me.”

“I haven’t stopped living my life!” Dan was annoyed. They constantly had this conversation ever since Dan became obsessed with his ghost research; Phil warned Dan not to get too close and lose out on his own life. Dan argued that he wasn’t doing anything different with his life. This is how it always had been; he had an internet job and not many friends. He was an introvert and slight agoraphobe. If anything, Phil had made his life better. “I’m allowed to do what I want with it. I’m allowed to decide that I want to help my ghost friend have a little fun. Why is it any different to be friends with you than it is to be friends with another living person?”

“Because I can’t leave here. I can’t experience the world with you. I can’t make YouTube videos with you, we can’t get a dog together, I can’t steal your cereal, I can’t…” Phil’s words were lodged in his throat. “I can’t touch you, hug you, cuddle you. I can hug everything else in this flat all I want, but not the one thing that I actually want to hug. That’s not friendship, Dan, that’s… where are you going?”

Partway through Phil’s frustrated rant, Dan pushed off the kitchen counter, wondering how they had been so stupid. Phil could hug everything else in this apartment, but Dan! Of course! “Hold on, gotta go get something! Sorry, Phil, this is important!”

“We’re having a serious conversation here, you can’t just run off!” Phil got up and followed Dan to his bedroom, watching with annoyed confusion as Dan rifled through his wardrobe, pulling out a pair of jeans, hoodie, beanie, and gloves. “Is this really the time to get dressed? Are you going outside?”

Dan spun around to face Phil, arms filled with clothes. His eyes were shining with excitement. “You can hug everything in this apartment except me. Phil Lester! You’re a genius!”

“I still don’t understand? What are you on about?”

“Put these clothes on and I think you’ll be able to hug me.” Dan thrust the clothes at Phil who looked at them with wide eyes.

Phil’s frustration fell away. “Could that work?!” Phil grabbed the clothing quickly and stabbed his legs through Dan’s jeans, his legs refusing to go fast enough. He scrabbled at the fabric, dropping the waistband in his excitement. “What am I doing? I’m a ghost!” Phil phased through the clothing, letting it settle on his body. It didn’t feel any different than normal, but he was used to having no sense of touch. Completely suited up, Phil paused and stared at Dan. “What do you think it’s gonna feel like?”

“I don’t know,” Dan whispered. “I just hope it works.”

“Be careful not to touch my face, ok? I don’t want to hurt you.” Dan nodded and Phil tentatively reached out with his gloved hand, touching Dan’s cheek. Phil closed his eyes and smiled. Even through the glove, he could feel Dan’s human warmth. He could feel something! Seven years of nothing, of numbness, and he could feel something. Phil’s eyes opened and he met Dan’s stare. “Does it hurt? Should we stop?”

“It doesn’t hurt. It just feels like I’ve dressed an ice sculpture and now it’s touching me.” Dan smiled and stepped closer to the clothed ghost, holding his arms out.

Phil couldn’t prepare himself for the feeling of stepping into Dan’s arms. He pressed every inch of himself up against Dan, feeling the warmth of him seep through the clothes that separated them. Phil could feel Dan’s heartbeat echoing in his own body. Phil suddenly remembered one time when he was small and he decided to play outside in the snow, without his snowsuit. He stayed out for way too long, the snow melting and seeping through his clothes. When his mum yelled for him to come inside, he was a shivering, wet mess. His mum made him take off all his clothes right in the living room and she wrapped him up in an electric heated blanket and placed him on the sofa. Hugging Dan felt a little bit like that. Except if that warmth had also been the feeling of life and happiness and laughter and home. Phil felt that he might burst from the emotions and sensations crawling across his skin and filling his empty body.

“God, Dan. I can’t even tell you what this feels like.” Dan smiled against Phil’s shoulder, shivering. He couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or the overwhelming wave of love that crashed over Dan. They parted and stared at each other. Dan’s hands gripped Phil’s back and Phil’s gloved hands lay on Dan’s shoulders. Dan wanted to tell Phil how he felt. How much he loved him. How much he wished for things to be different. But, he also didn’t want to interrupt this moment and, something in Phil’s blue-green eyes told Dan that Phil understood it all without it having to be said.

The ghost closed the space between the two boys once more, embracing Dan and getting as close as possible. “Thank you, Dan. Thank you for everything. Thank you.” Phil cried, repeating those two words until Dan couldn’t understand him through his sobs. Dan realized, with an intensity that he had never really experienced before, that he would do anything for Phil.

When they parted again and Dan rubbed his hands over his arms, trying to warm himself up again, he looked at Phil’s glowing face and said: “You are going to try to possess me.”

***

For days, Phil tried to convince Dan that they shouldn’t try possession. He came up with every possible excuse: it was dangerous, they couldn’t do any research before doing it, they didn’t know what would happen, Dan could get hurt or worse. Dan didn’t seem to care about his own well-being and Phil got more and more frustrated at Dan’s lack of self-preservation.

“You cannot tell me that you haven’t been itching to leave this apartment for the seven years that you’ve been trapped here!” Dan hadn’t been able to leave the argument alone; he couldn’t go five minutes without bringing it up. Phil groaned loudly. They were cuddling on the couch, both of them wrapped in many layers of Dan’s clothing. Phil’s layers allowed him to touch Dan and Dan’s layers kept him from feeling the life-sucking chill of Phil’s skin. They had been inseparable since discovering the clothing trick. They cuddled on the couch, cooked hip to hip, and hugged randomly and constantly.

Despite wanting to keep Dan safe, Phil couldn’t keep him at arm's-length; Phil was already addicted to the solid feel of the living boy. The whisper of life that he gave to Phil. And when Phil wasn’t touching Dan, he felt all the more sad, numb, and lifeless. This was the biggest reason why Phil didn’t want to possess Dan. What if he got addicted to Dan’s life? What if he didn’t want to go back to being a numb ghost? What if he went too far and something happened to Dan? Phil would never forgive himself. Phil had been keeping these details to himself, not wanting to frighten Dan.

“I am curious! Of course I want to get out of this bloody apartment that’s been my literal prison for years.” Phil said, frustrated.

“Then I don’t get it. Let’s do this thing.”

“I’m scared.” Phil gripped Dan closer to his chest, thankful that he couldn’t see the boy’s brown, pleading eyes. It was make rejecting him even harder.

Almost as if reading his mind, Dan pried himself out of Phil’s grip and slipped down onto the floor, staring at Phil. “I’m going to be fine. What’s the worst that can happen?” Dan smiled reassuringly, “I trust you completely.”

“You shouldn’t. I don’t trust myself.” Phil stared past Dan, looking at the wall beyond his shoulder.

“Phil?” Wanting further explanation, Dan reached out a gloved hand and lightly gripped Phil’s chin, silently asking for Phil’s full attention. Since there was nothing covering that piece of Phil’s body, the chill in Dan’s hand was harsher. He held back a wince.

Blue eyes met brown. Phil whispered: “You’re addicting. Your presence, your warmth, the life inside of you. I feel--” Phil paused. “I feel like if I got ahold of all of you, I may not want to let go. I may not be able to.”

Dan sat, stunned. Their gazes were locked for a little moment of infinite. Dan searched Phil’s eyes for what he was describing-- selfishness, addiction, a lack of control. Dan shook his head, only finding joy and kindness. He thought back to Phil’s videos on the internet; they showed a boy only interested in bringing joy into other people’s lives. He thought back on their very first interaction when Phil had calmed Dan down during a panic attack, caused by his very presence. A thousand little memories darted and danced through Dan’s brain, all reminding him that Phil was the best person that Dan had ever met. “No. I trust you.”

Phil let out a cry of frustration and disbelief. “I don’t get how you can have so much faith in me!” Dan let out a little surprised gasp as, suddenly, Dan was left with just a pile of his own clothes as Phil’s physical form ceased to exist. Dan could still feel the phantom touch in his cold fingers. He buried his head into his own clothing, wondering what smell Phil would have left behind in them if he was still living.

Phil didn’t re-manifest himself again that day. Dan knew he wasn’t that far away. He didn’t really understand what kind of form Phil took when he didn’t have a body-- Phil had try to explain it before, using several broken metaphors. But Dan really couldn’t understand, having never personally experienced it. From what he understood, without his physical body, Phil was more of a presence in the apartment, which meant that he was still watching Dan. He was just choosing not to interact.

Despite this, Dan didn’t stop talking to Phil all day. Mostly, he told the ghost boy how immature he was being. “You’re supposed to be my elder, Philip!” Dan called out to the kitchen as he stirred a pot of soup. “You can’t run from arguments.” Dan grumbled as he watched their abandoned episode of Rick and Morty. “My mum always said you’re not supposed to go to sleep angry.” Dan whispered as he crawled under his sheets and drifted into a fitful sleep.

“You’re never going to drop this.” Phil said the next morning, sitting on the right side of Dan’s bed, purposefully not wearing any of Dan’s clothes. Dan opened his eyes, waking at Phil’s words. He said them seriously and evenly. Dan rubbed his eyes, and pushed himself up into a sitting position, his blanket slipping down his bare chest.

“Um, no probably not.” Dan had enough sense to be a little sheepish. He had always been stubborn. “I just want to give this to you. Let me give this to you.”

Phil stared at his fingers, wishing he had some inanimate object to spin. “But why?”

Dan’s stomach dropped; he wasn’t anticipating the question, even though it was a very valid one to ask. Dan had only known Phil for a couple months. Not quite a half year. And yet, here he was, offering the ghost his body. And, if things went wrong, his life. Dan knew the reason why he was willing to do this for Phil. Anyone could figure it out if they just thought about it. “I think you know why.” Dan said tentatively, wishing that Phil was at least wearing a pair of gloves so he could grab the ghost’s hand. He considered reaching out anyway and just ignoring the bite of cold against his skin. Dan decided not to at the last minute, guessing that Phil had his reasons for talking to him without the protective layer of clothing. Phil was silent for a long minute, still refusing to look at Dan.

“Ok. But why?” Although almost identical in phrasing, this was a completely different question. Dan closed his eyes at words left unsaid. Why did Dan love Phil? It was easy to answer, a thousand responses springing up in Dan’s mind all at once. But, was Dan going to be the one to break the silence and bring those words out into the open? There was a moment of sudden clarity and confidence, but the silence stretched on for too long and the moment was gone as quickly as it came. Phil pressed his hands into his eyes. “Ok, this is too heavy so early in the morning.” A watery, shaky smile greeted Dan’s eyes as Phil turned to look at him for the first time that morning. “Do you wanna watch some YouTube in bed?”

Dan felt like a coward for agreeing to the plan. They spent most of the day in bed together, Dan eating snacks and both of them giggling over YouTube poop. They pressed against each other through Dan’s duvet and the words that Dan yearned to say burned just under the surface of his skin. He swore that Phil could feel them through the thin material of pajamas and blanket.

Chapter four

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #ghost au #halloween #spooky week #spooky week special

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growthvue · 6 years

Text

Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher

A Behind the scenes peek at the 10-Minute Teacher

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

I’ve been asked about the podcasting equipment setup and software that we use on the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast. After 220 episodes in one year and over 430K downloads, we’ve settled on a configuration we like. In this post, I’ll share the setup and help you get started.

Just today, teacher Eric Walters from Marymount emailed me about the setup I use. Rather than typing this email over and updating it each time, here’s a post you can bookmark that I’ll keep up to date with information on the podcasting equipment setup and software we’re using now. This way, we can send info on our podcasting setup anytime someone asks. We’re happy to share.

So, here’s the basics. There are always little tricks, however, this gets you started.

Here’s a quick view of my podcasting equipment setup at my desk. The Bose headphones Kip got for me aren’t essential and are probably one of the more expensive parts of this gear except for the computer. The microphone setup will hook to most computers.

Microphone

My microphone setup as the host

I use the ATR2100- USB Microphone. This is an upgrade from the Blue Snowball that I used to use and I’m much happier with it.

On Stage Foam Ball-Type Mic Windscreen. I use the black but you can get other colors.

NEEWER Adjustable Microphone Suspension Boom – I attach this to the bookcase beside my desk.

NEEWER 6 inch Studio Microphone Mic round Shape Wind Pop Filter Mask Shield with Stand Clip – This gives one more layer of protection from those “plosives” (the nasty reverberating “p” sound that can really mess up a show.

I’ve always had cheaper earphones, however, on a recent trip to Dubai, Kip got me some Bose QuietComfort 25 Acoustic Noise Cancelling headphones. I have an old audio jack, make sure if you get them to match the jack you’ll be using. I like it to be wired but I plug it directly into the computer, although the ATR2100 does have a jack on the back. I’ve found that I get a truer sound that way.

Recommended mic for guests

When we’re on Skype (not face to face)

Logitech Clearchat comfort USB headset 390 – This is an older mic but wow, it is great. It makes for great sound.

I use a Macbook Pro for recording and my husband has a Lenovo PC for editing. I’m not sure if they really matter in the end.

When we’re in the same room

I used to use the Blue Snowball Mic for this but wow, it was terrible for echoes and took a whole lot of editing work.

So, the prices came down on the ATR2100 and I bought a second one and boom arm and windscreen.

Royalty Free Music

I purchased the royalty-free stock audio from Audioblocks.

Software

When the guest and I are not in the same room

Skype – Using Skype is awesome as long as Dropbox and other bandwidth hogs are turned off. Also, make sure that you really encourage people to be on a wired connection.

Ecamm Call Recorder for Skype. Note that you can try it for free. They also have it for Facetime. The secret is that you want TWO TRACK recording. That is one of the secrets to great audio.

Audacity is a free, handy open source audio editing tool. I use this to teach my students how to edit audi. You’ll notice that I’ve used the double arrow at the bottom of each audio track to make them taller. A tall track makes it so much easier to edit!

When the guest and I are in the same room

I record into Garage Band after pairing the two mics so we can do the two-track recording. It is a little tricky to set up the first time, but it works.

A note about three guests

My show is just 10 minutes and I like each guest to get attention. So, I really try not to do three-person recordings. The problem with three person recording is that it puts the two guests on the same track. I could invest in a more expensive setup to go with three-track recording, but I prefer just to keep it down to me and a guest.

That way we can have a high-energy conversation that sounds like two excited friends are talking about education.

Editing and Workflow

Basic Editing

Then, I export it and do some pre-editing in Audacity, which is free.

Kip and I have a shared folder in Dropbox and I export with two tracks out of Audacity into Dropbox. All of the prerolls and post-rolls I record into Audacity and export. I export a single mp3 for my transcriptionist, Kymberli for her to work on and paste in Google Docs.

Dropbox is our sync tool between all of the people involved with the show.

Final Production

Kip then edits in Adobe Audition on his Lenovo Laptop. He’s an engineer so he uses top of the line software. He finishes and saves it back to an mp3 file in our finished folder.

Tagging and uploading

Then, I use ID3 Editor to tag with all of the podcast tags you have to have. This is tricky. I also add the graphics here to the mp3 file.

Then, I upload to Libsyn which also syndicates to iTunes, Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, and more. I’ve spent hours configuring this powerful hosting service to syndicate everywhere.

I create the graphics for each show in Canva.

Blog Post

Kymberli Mulford transcribes the show. Then she puts it in the Google Doc.

Airtable is an indispensable tool for linking all of the people involved in the show. It helps us track and stay organized. It is part of our essential podcasting software. The guest information in the blue is a clickable link. One click and it opens the official profile submitted by the guest.

Database Tool: Airtable

Lisa Durff pulls all of the guest info and submitted information out of Airtable. Airtable is truly a gamechanger for us. This cloud database is a powerful tool and easy to use. Guests put their bio in and more. It is a workhorse!

Then, I use a handy Google Doc to WordPress plugin to pull it over. The only thing I DON’T like is that you lose the alt tags for the graphics and can have accessibility issues. Alt tags are used for those who have visual disabilities because their browsers will read the graphics to them. Also, it is used by search engines. So, often, I’ll replace the graphics with new ones once I pull it over.

How to Learn How to Create Your Own Podcast

Now, there are so many other moving parts to this, however, John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur On Fire has a free podcast course which is where I got started on the technical side of things.

There are so many things we could talk about podcasting – it is so much fun although it is very hard work.

If you decide to create a show or have other questions, just leave a comment or contact me.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This episode includes some affiliate link. This means that if you choose to buy I will be paid a commission on the affiliate program. However, this is at no additional cost to you. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher published first on http://ift.tt/2xx6Oyq

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strivesy · 6 years

Text

Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher

A Behind the scenes peek at the 10-Minute Teacher

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

So, here’s the basics. There are always little tricks, however, this gets you started.

Microphone

My microphone setup as the host

I use the ATR2100- USB Microphone. This is an upgrade from the Blue Snowball that I used to use and I’m much happier with it.

On Stage Foam Ball-Type Mic Windscreen. I use the black but you can get other colors.

NEEWER Adjustable Microphone Suspension Boom – I attach this to the bookcase beside my desk.

Recommended mic for guests

When we’re on Skype (not face to face)

Logitech Clearchat comfort USB headset 390 – This is an older mic but wow, it is great. It makes for great sound.

I use a Macbook Pro for recording and my husband has a Lenovo PC for editing. I’m not sure if they really matter in the end.

When we’re in the same room

I used to use the Blue Snowball Mic for this but wow, it was terrible for echoes and took a whole lot of editing work.

So, the prices came down on the ATR2100 and I bought a second one and boom arm and windscreen.

Royalty Free Music

I purchased the royalty-free stock audio from Audioblocks.

Software

When the guest and I are not in the same room

Skype – Using Skype is awesome as long as Dropbox and other bandwidth hogs are turned off. Also, make sure that you really encourage people to be on a wired connection.

Ecamm Call Recorder for Skype. Note that you can try it for free. They also have it for Facetime. The secret is that you want TWO TRACK recording. That is one of the secrets to great audio.

When the guest and I are in the same room

I record into Garage Band after pairing the two mics so we can do the two-track recording. It is a little tricky to set up the first time, but it works.

A note about three guests

That way we can have a high-energy conversation that sounds like two excited friends are talking about education.

Editing and Workflow

Basic Editing

Then, I export it and do some pre-editing in Audacity, which is free.

Dropbox is our sync tool between all of the people involved with the show.

Final Production

Kip then edits in Adobe Audition on his Lenovo Laptop. He’s an engineer so he uses top of the line software. He finishes and saves it back to an mp3 file in our finished folder.

Tagging and uploading

Then, I use ID3 Editor to tag with all of the podcast tags you have to have. This is tricky. I also add the graphics here to the mp3 file.

Then, I upload to Libsyn which also syndicates to iTunes, Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, and more. I’ve spent hours configuring this powerful hosting service to syndicate everywhere.

I create the graphics for each show in Canva.

Blog Post

Kymberli Mulford transcribes the show. Then she puts it in the Google Doc.

Database Tool: Airtable

How to Learn How to Create Your Own Podcast

Now, there are so many other moving parts to this, however, John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur On Fire has a free podcast course which is where I got started on the technical side of things.

There are so many things we could talk about podcasting – it is so much fun although it is very hard work.

If you decide to create a show or have other questions, just leave a comment or contact me.

The post Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher published first on http://ift.tt/2yTzsdq

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patriciaanderson357-blog · 6 years

Text

Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher

A Behind the scenes peek at the 10-Minute Teacher

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

So, here’s the basics. There are always little tricks, however, this gets you started.

Microphone

My microphone setup as the host

I use the ATR2100- USB Microphone. This is an upgrade from the Blue Snowball that I used to use and I’m much happier with it.

On Stage Foam Ball-Type Mic Windscreen. I use the black but you can get other colors.

NEEWER Adjustable Microphone Suspension Boom – I attach this to the bookcase beside my desk.

Recommended mic for guests

When we’re on Skype (not face to face)

Logitech Clearchat comfort USB headset 390 – This is an older mic but wow, it is great. It makes for great sound.

I use a Macbook Pro for recording and my husband has a Lenovo PC for editing. I’m not sure if they really matter in the end.

When we’re in the same room

I used to use the Blue Snowball Mic for this but wow, it was terrible for echoes and took a whole lot of editing work.

So, the prices came down on the ATR2100 and I bought a second one and boom arm and windscreen.

Royalty Free Music

I purchased the royalty-free stock audio from Audioblocks.

Software

When the guest and I are not in the same room

Skype – Using Skype is awesome as long as Dropbox and other bandwidth hogs are turned off. Also, make sure that you really encourage people to be on a wired connection.

Ecamm Call Recorder for Skype. Note that you can try it for free. They also have it for Facetime. The secret is that you want TWO TRACK recording. That is one of the secrets to great audio.

When the guest and I are in the same room

I record into Garage Band after pairing the two mics so we can do the two-track recording. It is a little tricky to set up the first time, but it works.

A note about three guests

That way we can have a high-energy conversation that sounds like two excited friends are talking about education.

Editing and Workflow

Basic Editing

Then, I export it and do some pre-editing in Audacity, which is free.

Dropbox is our sync tool between all of the people involved with the show.

Final Production

Kip then edits in Adobe Audition on his Lenovo Laptop. He’s an engineer so he uses top of the line software. He finishes and saves it back to an mp3 file in our finished folder.

Tagging and uploading

Then, I use ID3 Editor to tag with all of the podcast tags you have to have. This is tricky. I also add the graphics here to the mp3 file.

Then, I upload to Libsyn which also syndicates to iTunes, Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, and more. I’ve spent hours configuring this powerful hosting service to syndicate everywhere.

I create the graphics for each show in Canva.

Blog Post

Kymberli Mulford transcribes the show. Then she puts it in the Google Doc.

Database Tool: Airtable

How to Learn How to Create Your Own Podcast

Now, there are so many other moving parts to this, however, John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur On Fire has a free podcast course which is where I got started on the technical side of things.

There are so many things we could talk about podcasting – it is so much fun although it is very hard work.

If you decide to create a show or have other questions, just leave a comment or contact me.

The post Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

0 notes

aira26soonas · 6 years

Text

Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher

A Behind the scenes peek at the 10-Minute Teacher

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

So, here’s the basics. There are always little tricks, however, this gets you started.

Microphone

My microphone setup as the host

I use the ATR2100- USB Microphone. This is an upgrade from the Blue Snowball that I used to use and I’m much happier with it.

On Stage Foam Ball-Type Mic Windscreen. I use the black but you can get other colors.

NEEWER Adjustable Microphone Suspension Boom – I attach this to the bookcase beside my desk.

Recommended mic for guests

When we’re on Skype (not face to face)

Logitech Clearchat comfort USB headset 390 – This is an older mic but wow, it is great. It makes for great sound.

I use a Macbook Pro for recording and my husband has a Lenovo PC for editing. I’m not sure if they really matter in the end.

When we’re in the same room

I used to use the Blue Snowball Mic for this but wow, it was terrible for echoes and took a whole lot of editing work.

So, the prices came down on the ATR2100 and I bought a second one and boom arm and windscreen.

Royalty Free Music

I purchased the royalty-free stock audio from Audioblocks.

Software

When the guest and I are not in the same room

Skype – Using Skype is awesome as long as Dropbox and other bandwidth hogs are turned off. Also, make sure that you really encourage people to be on a wired connection.

Ecamm Call Recorder for Skype. Note that you can try it for free. They also have it for Facetime. The secret is that you want TWO TRACK recording. That is one of the secrets to great audio.

When the guest and I are in the same room

I record into Garage Band after pairing the two mics so we can do the two-track recording. It is a little tricky to set up the first time, but it works.

A note about three guests

That way we can have a high-energy conversation that sounds like two excited friends are talking about education.

Editing and Workflow

Basic Editing

Then, I export it and do some pre-editing in Audacity, which is free.

Dropbox is our sync tool between all of the people involved with the show.

Final Production

Kip then edits in Adobe Audition on his Lenovo Laptop. He’s an engineer so he uses top of the line software. He finishes and saves it back to an mp3 file in our finished folder.

Tagging and uploading

Then, I use ID3 Editor to tag with all of the podcast tags you have to have. This is tricky. I also add the graphics here to the mp3 file.

Then, I upload to Libsyn which also syndicates to iTunes, Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, and more. I’ve spent hours configuring this powerful hosting service to syndicate everywhere.

I create the graphics for each show in Canva.

Blog Post

Kymberli Mulford transcribes the show. Then she puts it in the Google Doc.

Database Tool: Airtable

How to Learn How to Create Your Own Podcast

Now, there are so many other moving parts to this, however, John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur On Fire has a free podcast course which is where I got started on the technical side of things.

There are so many things we could talk about podcasting – it is so much fun although it is very hard work.

If you decide to create a show or have other questions, just leave a comment or contact me.

The post Podcasting Equipment Setup and Software I use on the 10-Minute Teacher appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

from Cool Cat Teacher BlogCool Cat Teacher Blog http://www.coolcatteacher.com/podcasting-equipment-setup/

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