it has been a long day but. finally home 🧎‍♀️

1232

Did you make any money today?  Not today, because it’s a weekend.

What was the highest place you've ever jumped from?  I’m not too sure, actually. I tend to be cautious when it comes to jumping just because I always have this fear at the back of my head that I could possibly snap my legs in half upon landing lol.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river?  I don’t think I have.

Is there something you really want to buy at the moment?  I want a jumbo RJ doll but it’s quite expensive and not one of my priorities at the moment. 

Would you ever consider culinary school?  I want to learn how to cook but not passionate enough about it to enroll in culinary school altogether, so no.

What was the last souvenir someone got you?  It’s been a while since anyone went anywhere...

Do you have a favorite remix of a song?  I’ve never enjoyed remixes and just stick to original versions of songs. The one remix I’ll give a pass to is BTS’ Mic Drop with Steve Aoki just because that one includes a dance break that sounds really nice and gets me all hyped up.

Has the power gone out recently?  Yeah, like two weeks ago. I was working from home then so it had been a huge bother, but fortunately I had been charging my devices all day and also had enough data on my phone so I was able to continue.

Do you like driving at night?  It’s ok and actually pretty relaxing if it’s LATE late at night and there’s barely any cars. Driving in the evening during rush hour, on the other hand, is just fucking stressful.

What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument?  Depending on how it’s played, probably the piano or violin.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies?  Yes. It’s a pretty influential factor.

Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc?  No.

If given the chance, would you go to Ireland?  I mean, it’s not really on top of my bucket list but for the sake of travelling and experiencing a different place and culture I definitely would go to Ireland.

Are you afraid of standing on the edge of hills/skyscrapers/cliffs etc?  I am scared but whenever I’m given the chance to do this I kind of scrap that fear first and live in the moment.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar etc)?  No.

Do you have an absolute favorite name (boy or girl)? Alessandra, 120%. It is so beautiful-sounding, plus I love that you can use "Alessa" as a nickname. My Silent Hill obsession is quite thrilled by that, ha ha. < I love that name too, now that I think about it. For now, I think Olivia still tops my list.

Are you good at pronouncing foreign words?  My English is alright.

When listening to music, do you usually tap your foot etc to the beat?  I tap my fingers more than my foot.

Have you ever literally cried on a friend's shoulder?  Yeah but they were also my significant other then, so I dunno if that counts. I’m not super into physical touch so this isn’t something I’d do towards a friend, no matter how close we are.

Would you ever consider being a DJ at a party if you were paid?  Nah, I would suck.

Do strapless bras work for you?  No, my boobs are too small. 

Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc?  No.

Do you feel comfortable enough to wear short shorts?  Yeah, I just never really have the opportunity to wear them.

Have a favorite actor/actress from Old Hollywood? (Marilyn Munroe, etc) AUDREY HEPBURNNNNNNNNNN

What's your opinion on people who stretch their ears?  They can do whatever they want lol. I’m personally not a fan of the look but that’s my own problem to deal with.

Do you think tattoos are expressive art or unattractive?  Expressive.

What is your school mascot?  None of the schools I attended have one.

Have you ever seen a bear in the wild? I have never seen a bear.

What's the book you're currently reading?  Not reading anything at the moment.

Can you recall the most disturbing movie you've ever seen?  Eraserhead. Requiem For A Dream is also stressful to watch, even on your 2nd or 45th rewatch.

Has anyone you know gotten mono?  Possibly, but I can’t place names at the moment.

Have you ever picked an apple off the tree and eaten it?  No. Aside from the fact that I don’t eat fruits, apple trees aren’t native here so I’ve never actually seen one.

Can you say yes/no in different languages?  Oo/hindi, ne/ani.

Out of the traditional superheroes, which one is your favorite?  I don’t like superheroes.

Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10?  Not in my pants but my bed, but fortunately it just happened once.

Had any surgeries? What kind?  I have not.

Ever told your parents you hated them?  I had it written down on my journal when I was going through those rebellious puberty years, but it was only directed towards my mom because that had also been the peak of her emotionally/mentally abusive days. It’s funny because she snooped through my stuff then and saw the entry and ended up crying...and I didn’t even feel bad about it because 1) I meant what I wrote, and 2) she literally went through my shit. I still don’t feel bad about it.

Do you let your pets on your furniture?  Yes they can get on the couch and my bed.

How do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  I don’t really have an opinion lmao. If they are chips then they are going in my mouth.

How strong do you like your coffee?  I like milky/creamy coffee best tbh. When it comes to how strong they are I don’t have a preference.

Would you rather see someone of the opposite sex naked or nicely dressed?  Idk.

Would you ever consider visiting Texas?  I have relatives based in San Antonio and we’re pretty close to that side of the family, so yeah. 

If you could make a movie, what would it be about?  I’ve never been one for creative writing.

If you were kicked out of your current residence whom would you call?  My grandma or one of my aunts.

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Not at this point in my life.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus?  Oooooohh I love both!

Was the last person you kissed attractive?  Objectively yes, but I no longer feel the attraction I once held for her.

Are you racist at all?  No.

Do you read creepypasta? If not, you should.  No thanks.

Have you ever vandalized?  Yeah some desks when I was in grade school.

Would you ever scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? Most likely not. And by the way, they do not "infest" waters. That's their home. I hate that phrase so much. < This is a good point and I’d like to keep it here. Anywho, yeah I’m willing to do this but as far as I know they keep you in a cage when you go down in the water. I’d only do it if this was guaranteed lol.

Have you ever been drunk at work?  Hungover, yes. Drunk while at work, hell no.

Have you ever hit a parked car with your car?  No. My mom has done this with my parked car though -____- She had been backing up and I kept honking as she inched closer to my car, but she heeded me no mind until she finally hit me.

Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like?  We probably had but I don’t remember the details anymore.

Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal?  Bagels.

Do you prefer light or dark haired?  Dark.

Have you ever read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books?  Yes, I liked reading those in like grade school and high school.

Would you be prepared to do a job that you didn’t like, if it paid well?  I haven’t been placed in that situation yet, so I’m not actually sure how I would handle it. Depends on how much the money is, I guess.

Do you think age is needed for maturity?  No.

Do you believe the future is predetermined?  I don’t think so.

What words are most comforting to you?  Words of reassurance, like, “I’m just here,” “You don’t have to apologize.”

How important is money to you?  It is generally pretty important to me and I’m usually good at saving...I’ve just hit a road bump the last few months because getting into K-Pop means wanting to get something out of every new merch drop hahahaha. I went alarmingly crazy from April to June, but I made a vow to calm down starting this July; and so far, aside from pre-ordering the new Memories of 2020 DVD and buying some merch from the pop-up store, I haven’t bought anything else.

Is there anything you want to last forever?  Cold weather in the Philippines.

List three of your passions:  Writing, food, and museums.

How old do you want to live to? Just because I’m competitive even until age, I want to make it to 100 lmao.

What kind of love do you value the most?  Very comfortable platonic love. I highly value friendships where I can pretty much treat them like an SO hahaha.

If you could control one element, what would it be?  I don’t care.

Do you prefer foxes or wolves?  No preferences.

Could you ever deliver a baby?  OMG no I would be terrible and would for sure bring more harm than good to the mother.

Do you think suits are sexy?  Uh yeah.

Ever been called babe?  Yeah.

How old is your youngest sibling?  18.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name?  Angela.

Favorite boy’s name?  I guess I have several preferences, but I dunno if I have favorite boy’s names. I like the sounds of Lucas, Jacob, Liam, and Mason.

Are your parents together, separated, divorced, never married, what?  Married.

Do you go online every day?  For sure.

What is the best quality in the last guy you kissed?  I’ve never kissed a guy.

What do you usually do during a kiss? Depends on how passionate it is? < Yeah.

Do you have an older brother?  Technically no, but I have a cousin that I pretty much see as one.

You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do?  I love Biebs, but I would probably sell them. Some extra money is always good hahaha.

What’s the genre of the current song you’re listening to?  K-Pop, R&B.

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet?  Yeah, I already have two of them.

Would you ever sell your soul?  Erm, I guess not.

the only friend who i coul talk about this stuff isnt really interested in talking about me anymore so im just going to type all this overhsaring cap while trying to calm down from crying for 30 minuets an throwing up from the crying

i have an :::aunt”” who hates me because she is literally a raicst who stopped talking to my mother when she decided to marry someone who isnt from the same ethnicity as her and then of course she hates me for being a tainted person for his horrible offense!! i never really knew her she neve rinvited us to birthdays or anything she did at her house with her evil daughters and we did invite them for birthdays because i just very much remember not understanding why she is so distant (compared to my “”normal”” aunt) and just always wanted her to like me up until i grew up old enough to understand why it was that they ere all like this

now fucking 7 YEARS ago  was at my grandmas and i was looking at old photos and back then i was very much into ww2 and like 30s-40s time period in europe and all and i was fascinated by all the old photos she had and she allowed me to take a lot of old photos some she wanted me to bring back so i just scanned them and brought them back and some she just let me have i swear to god she let me have them some were of people she didnt know she didnt let me have any of her old photos besides the ones that had 2 copies but she pm let me have all of my grandfather’s (who i have never met) photos from the 30s-40s and these photos were my favourite ting in the world i usedto go over them once every month since fucking 2014 to see if they ware ok i recently planned to try and get an album for them bc i dont think it’s kept well in a box if you ask every close friends i have how many times i told them want to see something cool and showed them these photos i love these photos with all of my heart and they fascinate me i even wanted to san all of them and try to find maybe some site or subreddit that can help me translate some of the writings on the back of some of them as idk what language it even is and it’s all in cursive. not once in the past 7 fucking years (ok actually once but it wasnt here it as my evil aunt) did my grandma ever ask me for these photos because she kne wi have them and i keep them and i cherise them 

then suddenly last week when my supposedly normal aunt wwas here because my scumbag aunt visited my grandma when she had fucking pneumonia and my grandma got sick and she’s generally been like weird mentally lately like she’s not 100% in the moment. anyway they were both at her house when she was sick and suddenly suddenly my supposedly normal aunt claims that my grandma wants all the photos back. but does she say it herself? no. my aunt tells it to my mother.i got pissed pff and offended that she didnt call me. i am not a child. after some insufferable back and forth my grandma says she just wants the photos she’s in. ok. whatever. my aunt says she’ll go get copies of them and bring me back i dont care. then suddrnly when i went there to give it to them my aunt asks me if i have more photos and i like yes sure i have [everything i mentioned above] she flis out like i didnt know youhave them give them to me i didn’t know it i will copy of all of them!! like ok first of all not my fault you didnt know you live in almost the other side of the country sincr 2010 youre not suopposed to know that i took photos 7 years ago. notlike i have to share every detail. second of all i liteally did tell her something about this once. ok i tell her i will give her all the photos before she goes home she has a friend who works at a photogrhy store who can copy them for cheap.

so now i know the reason this is happening is bascially my “normal” aunt and ym evil aunt literally manipulate my grandma into caring about these stuff because i know the thing here. THE CRIME here is that my evil aunt does not have these photos. i know she wants them, the reason i took them 7 years ago is that i knew there was no way on earth my mother would have these at any point and i just decided i want them (and my grandmother ALLOWED ME). but whatever. copy the photos have it your way i dont care

now my aunt came to take them todaynd i told her when she called “you  are giving me back the original photos i got them 7 years ago it’s not fair to take them” she says ok. i meet her downstairs and i chat to her and i tell her again “really you give me back the original photos ok” and suddenly when she physically has them iin her hand she says no!!! i will give you back the copies!! i say no youre lying i wouldnt have given shit if i knew you’d do this. she starts making excuses about how they need to have the originals because what f they’d want to give it to a fucking holocaust msueusm. i tell ehr why on earth give a meuseum original photos give them the copies. she says no and i was tired and irritated and i just told her whatever she got what she wants by lying so i dont care anymore. and i left her in the street and went home. i lost it on the way it happened an hour ago and im still crying. i cant believe this shit happened. these photos were mayb one of the most important things in my life. i just cried annd cried and lost it and lost my cool and started screaming and hitting everything. i tried calling her telling her it’s not fair she lied to me why is she doing this. i got sick of playing stupid and i said i know they only did this because they want my other aunt to have the photos. she then accused me (and my mother) of being the liars who took the photos and never said i had them (what the fuck?) and then lying saying we don’t have more (literally not true) and then she called me A CRAZY INSANE PERSON for crying and freaking out and telling her i know why all this shit is happening. and she said she doesnt want to talk to me becaus ei’m crazy and she hung up. i literally fell down crying and threw up and hit myself for being so stupid. i now understand why she wanted ALL the photos. including those of random who no one knows. because they just want them to have it.

i know my grandma doesnt love me as much as she loves them. my grandma also stopped talking to my mother once she got married but then she “got around it” but my evil aunt is he rfavourite daughter and her kids are her favourite grandkids and my “nrmal” aunt and them always meet toether and do family stuff together and never with us and they never see anything wrong with it.they even accuse me of “contributing to this stupid fight” even tho it’s insane to even say this like this thing started 2 years before i was born because of RACISTS and i was treated like shit as a child by these ppl but i’m still seen on par with their behaviour!!! so they dont care. i actually wholly believe my grandma want my shitty aunt to have those photos actually. i fele so stupid. this was my favourite possession in the world and i was stupid enough to let it go. i still cant stop crying until now i actually hate everything. im sick of all those insane people in every side of my favmily there are insane people on my father’s side i have sociopathic theives who dont even care their brother fucking died from brain cancer and most of which i dont even fucking know and on my mother’s side there are just a bunch fo self obsessed freaks who hate me for the crime of being born

Drunk uncle Dante explains: Christmas

So recently I watched a very funny video called Drunk uncle explains Christmas and I couldn’t help but think of uncle Dante trying (and failing miserably) to explain Christmas to a very curious little Nero. 

In this context, Dante is visiting his parents’ house for the holidays (Eva and Sparda are still alive in this AU) as well as Vergil and his son Nero.

This was written purely for laughs and giggles, so don’t take it too seriously. By the way, this is the video I'm parodying with this short fic if you want to check it out, although I changed a few things to adapt it better for the purpose of this story. It’s in spanish though, but you can turn the subtitles on. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

..........

It was the night before Christmas. A chilly air ran through the ever so active city of Red Grave, which currently had its streets covered in a soft and pristine layer of snow reflecting all the colorful lights that decorated every corner of the city.

People gathered together in their homes to share a most anticipated reunion with their beloved families, mouth-watering food served on their dinning tables to celebrate the holidays, as well as the numerous wrapped presents hidden underneath the Christmas trees ready to be opened.

And of course, the Sparda household was no exception to these festivities.

Tiny hands wandered around a beautifully decorated tree, its fingers feeling around the decorations that sparked curiosity and wonder in the eyes of little Nero. Tucked between the trees branches, a porcelain star caught Nero’s attention, his little fingers reaching out at the trinket. His attempt was interrupted however, when a very loud snore broke the silence that had covered the living room.

Nero turned around searching for the origin of the sound, finding out that it was his uncle Dante who had fallen asleep on the couch nearby.

“Uncle Dante? Uncle Dante, don’t fall asleep yet!”

As small hands nudged the man’s shoulder, Dante slowly woke from his drunken slumber, having already downed a couple of wine bottles (and probably a whiskey one too), though due to his demonic heritage, he only felt a bit tipsy.

“Ummm, c’mon kid... let your uncle sleep for a little longeeer.”

“But uncle Dante, it’s only seven o’ clock. Dinner will be ready any minute now, and we haven’t even opened the presents!”

“Ughh... fine, you’re lucky you’re adorable as hell.”

Dante stretched and yawned while little Nero sat on the carpet, next to the toy train set his grandpa Sparda had set for him early.

“By the way uncle Dante, can you tell me the story of Christmas? Pleeeaaase? You always have the best stories!”

Dante sat silently until he finally relented thanks to the huge puppy eyes his nephew was giving him. “Alright then. But only because I’m the coolest uncle ever right?”

“Yes! The best one too!” Nero giggled enthusiastically, which always warmed his heart to no extent.

“Ok, fetch me that book over there.”

Nero handed the requested book to his uncle, which he proceeded to open and read out loud, starting with the story.

“Alright. Long, long time ago... in the ancient Egypt-”

Nero giggled once again “Silly uncle Dante! Papa says the story took place in Jerusalem.”

“Ok, ok then. So, Mary was doing housework, ironing some clothes because their housekeeper was fired-”

“Like they did to you uncle?”

Dante sighed “No- I wanted to stay at your grandparent’s house for a few days longer, that’s it!”

“You were kicked out of your office because you owed five months worth of rent, you irresponsible imbecile!” Vergil shouted from the studio where he was currently reading.

“Oh shut up Vergil! At least I know what a condom is!” Dante rudely shouted back at his twin before proceeding with the story. “Then, an angel arrived and his name was Gabe. Gabe told Mary not to be afraid because she will have a baby, who will be named Jesus and who will be the son of God. And Mary was cool with that.”

“Wait uncle Dante, how are children born?”

“Well that’s another fun story for another time, but in Mary’s case it was thanks to the Holy Spirit. Not so ‘holy’ tho, considering he messed with Joseph’s wife.” He snorted while a confused Nero tilted his head to the side. “Okay then, Joseph doubted Mary’s virginity, so he demanded a divorce.”

“What does virginity mean?”

“It’s like a hundred dollars bill. If you keep it, it serves no purpose, but if you use it, it’s gone forever. So make sure to spend it well and at the right time!”

“Ohhh I see.” Poor naive Nero, completely oblivious to what his uncle was talking really talking about. “Also, there were divorces at that time?”

“Yep, they were called ‘stonings’“

Little Nero nodded in complete awe at what he perceived, was his uncle’s great knowledge.

“But of course Mary demanded a divorce first, and exclaimed that she was keeping all the money, the car, as well as-”

“Stop mixing stories you buffoon! That happened to you with Lady!” Vergil’s angry voice once again interrupted the story.

“Stop bringing up my personal matters in front of the kid Verge!”

“Scum!”

“You son of a-!”

“Uncle Dante!” Nero’s innocent voice calmed Dante’s nerves, allowing him to take a deep breath and relax.

“Sorry ‘bout that, now where were we? Oh! Well it was the Holy Spirit, and Joseph wanted to take Mary to Las Vegas for their honeymoon... buuut they didn’t have any money, so they settled for Bethlehem instead.”

“There were honeymoons at the time?”

“Of course! You needed lots of money tho... but one day youuu Lady, wait ‘till I hit the jackpot and then you will see!”

“Get over your problems already!” Another exasperated interruption from his twin, Dante surely wasn’t getting any rest.

“Well then. The couple arrived at a cheap hotel room when suddenly, Mary went into labor. And that’s how sweet baby Jesus was born, our Lord and Savior I suppose.”

“Whoaaa...” Dante couldn’t help but feel proud that he managed to keep his nephew entertained with his fun, albeit inaccurate, stories. “Uncle Dante, was Jesus a good person?”

“Good? He was great actually! He could turn water into wine and stuff!”

“Can I drink wine too?”

“Of course! The bible says so after all.” Dante was about to hand his nephew the unfinished bottle of wine he had kept next to the couch when suddenly-

“IF YOU GIVE WINE TO MY SON I SWEAR ON OUR DEMONIC LINEAGE THAT I WILL MUTILATE YOU BEYOND RECOGNITION!”

“Damn it!” As soon as Vergil’s voice entered his ears, he quickly retracted his hand, taking the bottle of wine and putting it as far away as possible from innocent little Nero who jumped at the immense power and fury in his father’s tone.

“Let’s continue with our story. Thus Mary uploaded Jesus’ baby pics to Twitter and the Fairly OddParents star-faved the pics-”

“Nooo uncle Dante! That’s not how the story goes!” Nero laughed wholeheartedly “Papa told me once. The star was up in the sky and they weren’t the Fairly OddParents, they were the Three Wise Men.”

“Okay okay, three men, got it.”

“Three WISE men. And they were kings!”

“Whatever you say kid.”

“And one was black!”

“A bit racist if you ask me.” Dante rolled his eyes and bit back a laugh before continuing. “So, the star told the three wise kings to follow them for God’s sake, literally, and they arrived at the stable where Jesus had been born with gifts for him. One gifted him gold, the other gifted him myrrh-”

“Wait uncle Dante, what is myrrh?”

“Let’s say... it’s a kind of herb.”

“Like the one papa once found under your bed and stabbed you with his blue floating swords for?”

“It was for medicinal purposes I swear!” Dante nervously responded, flustered by his nephew’s sudden question. “Ahem... and the other dude gifted him incense.”

“Why incense, uncle Dante?”

“They were in a stable! You ever been to one? They smell like crap!”

“What about the massacre of children in Bethlehem? Papa also mentione that.”

“Of course! Hitler was a monster, worse than any demon I ever encountered!”

“Noooo silly uncle Dante! It was King Herod! Hitler was austrian and from a different era.”

“Whoa whoa whoa kid, who’s holding the damn book again?”

“The book is upside down uncle Dante. And that’s not even the Bible, that’s papa’s favorite book.”

Once he gave a closer inspection, Dante realized he had been holding the book upside down indeed. Moreover, once he closed it to look at the cover, he noticed that it had been Vergil’s beloved anthology of William Blake all this time. 

Sighing and setting the book aside, Dante turned to his lovely nephew “Look little Nero. The important thing about Christmas is that we are all here gathered as a family. It’s not about the gifts or the turkey, it’s about love, like the one of the family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. It doesn’t matter where we come from. Joseph raised Jesus with lots of love, and that’s why he became such a good dude and sooo famous.”

Nero smiled warmly at the words, and Dante couldn’t help but ruffle his cute nephew’s soft white locks of hair, making him giggle.

“That means...” Dante continued “that even if you are not a planned child, like you Nero, we still love you all the same.”

“Huh? Not planned?” Nero tilted his head in confusion. “Does that mean... I’m adopted?” Tears were beginning to form at the corner of his baby blue eyes. However, Dante couldn’t even explain the misunderstanding when a loud bang resonated through the entire house.

“DAAANTEEEEE!!!” Vergil had barged out of the studio and into the living room, furious to the point that he had Devil Triggered and with a halo of summoned swords around him.

Needless to say, poor Dante had to run for his life from his rampaging brother, a chase that was soon put to an end after Grandma Eva stepped out and reprimanded both siblings with a rolling pin and a look so stern and powerful that made them both cower in fear and respect. Meanwhile, Grandpa Sparda decided to stay and calm down little Nero, showing him his new train set until the boy was giggling blissfully once again.

Just another normal day at the Sparda household after all.

Still not over it

An airing of grievances based on each person because why not?

Niece 1: Graced us with her presence for lunch and was moody. Fun! SIL said she could help set up her grandma’s new Fitbit to which she replied “That requires time I don’t have” while she played a game on her phone. When we came home from lunch she went to pack for her next job and to stay with her boyfriend and made no attempt to hang out. Please note that a big reason for the venue change to Turlock was due to her pouting over not being able to join. When she finally came downstairs and MIL, E, and SIL and I were playing a game and didn’t immediately stop and fawn over her she abruptly shouted “WELL BYE THEN” and stomped off. So she’s doing great. Also her tattoos are ugly.

SIL: Idk, just allows everyone to be awful and puts her head in the sand and is willfully blind to the dysfunction. Offered to trade hair dryers with her pouty mother (see below) which is 🙄

MIL: Oh where to start? After I told her politely no thank you I don’t want to touch your pacemaker/scar, grabbed my hand as I protested yelling at me to TOUCH IT. Boundaries are for other families! She was her usual racist, insane, ignorant self and I’ll spare you those details because you don’t need that negativity in your life. Flits between being a weak old lady who may die any minute now and decidedly NOT FRAIL THANK YOU VERY MUCH depending on how she’s trying to manipulate the situation at hand. Spoke ill of E’s late aunt (his dad’s sister in law) who was always nice to me. Go figure. She was also pissy about her birthday gifts. It wasn’t the exact hair dryer she wanted! She can’t read her new Fitbit that she asked for! I hate her!

Niece 2: She’s ok I guess? Wasn’t around much and clearly hates the dynamic around there.

E: Oh man. Told me I lack compassion for his “poor mom” who has “lost everything” because I dare note that she got herself into this spot through sheer determination to do what she wanted, common sense and her children’s concerns be damned. Decided in the morning that we had to go over and visit before leaving for home and proceeded to sit on his phone while I tried to carry a very strained conversation with his family. Has a really big blind spot about his family’s behavior and an attitude of “what am I supposed to do?” and “I can’t change them!” Cool.

It’s all just really frustrating because in the moment E acts like I’m insane for having basic standards as to how I want to be treated, but once we got home he said the weekend was “a lot” and suddenly felt bad? And here’s the thing: I’m not asking him to go no contact; I'd just like to be able to opt out of gatherings and not have it be A Thing. 

Answer all the questions!

Alisons: Sexuality?

gay 

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

he/him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?

January 23, 2000

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

I think so

Baneberries: Favorite song?

im really feeling Dimple by BTS right now

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my home family is me, my dad and Cammie. before college I saw my mom once a week. my dad’s side of the family is a bunch of Polaks, my grandma says she isn't polish but we have other thoughts (thats a joke...kind of) they are all mostly not affectionate and they show they care by making fun of each other and if you look at it from the outside it looks like we all really hate each other but thats just how we do things. my moms side is not like that at all, they all pretend to really care about each other but theres a split where half of them are really liberal and the other half is very conservative and borderline racist. I don't doubt that they all genuinely love each other and they do provide for each other in crisis times but they don't really....like each other u know. and the two sides of my family could start world war 3 with the hatred they have for each other 

Begonia: Favorite color? 

steel blue 

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

turtle 

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person 

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

id be a cat they are always so chill and they know they can do whatever they want and they're right  

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

the house I lived in only had 1 story that was safe for children to be in so I was very bad at using stairs until I was 12 because I never had to 

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? 

if I could do whatever I want id probably visit my mom and apologize for all the things I would never say otherwise. spend some time with Charlie and Lio. tell him all of the things im too afraid to say now. and end the day with Cammie and my dad, probably crying. 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

greece maybe? somewhere on the Mediterranean that isn't Cassis because I want variety 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

not yet

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

2 in each ear 

California Poppy: Height?  

5′1

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

no but I wish they were real

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

green sweatshirt, black “skinny” jeans, black vans, green and orange floral hat 

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I kept my closet light on every night for the first like 10 years of my life 

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

Lio

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

courier new 

Columbine: Are you tired?

eternally (not actually, im chillin right now)

Coneflower: Dream job?

head songwriter/performer/art coordinator/all that shit for a touring solo act (me, im the act)

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

Puppy and Fred were both Dalmatians, and then Allie and Tom who were cats (I still have all of them at home except for puppy)

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Aquarius 

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

ive done lots of things that are worth having me remember, im not sure that ive done anything worth having other people remember 

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

literally not care at all

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

Cammie I think

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

talking about things when they actually matter 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

I finished editing one of my songs! I performed live for the first time in over a year! I uhhh started growing a penis!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

fine, not extraordinarily good but not bad 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

not one bit 

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

nothing :) sleep?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

fantasy ideal is like. waking up and making out with my boyfriend and then going to an amusement park for a couple hours just cuz we can, spending the evening performing and then getting wasted with that same boyfriend in our luxurious house 

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

play piano and lay on piano 

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

like 5 that I would genuinely consider friends 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

I try too hard at some things and not hard enough at other things and never the right amount about literally anything

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I can see anything as art or potential art 

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

hm. well. inability to talk about things when they matter. boobs. ugly in general. lazy. the list goes on

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

I really liked creating entire universes. like literal different planets and creatures that live there and relationships between them and the way they live their lives. 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

my mom going to jail

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

I picked Sam as a holder name while I was discovering that I was trans because it was very easily gender neutral and started with the first letter of my birth name and then when I came out I still hadn't picked a better name but I didn't want to hear my birthname anymore so I just said I was going by Sam. when I changed it legally I made it Samuel because I no longer related to gender neutrality and I never had a nickname growing up and wanted Sam to be my birthname. Somehow Alexander just came to me as a middle name, I didn't really think about it at all and was doodling things about names and wrote “Samuel Alexander” and was like huh. and didn't think about it for months. and then in class one day I said “guys I don't even have a middle name” and Hailey was looking up names and came up with a couple and wasn't satisfied with her findings and then she found Alexander and was like “ok this one for sure” and I had never even mentioned to her that I was considering Alexander and then I was like well this is it. later I realized that when I was little I usually picked the name Alex as my character names but then decided I couldn't use it because I wasn't cool enough. I still feel like im not cool enough for the name Alex but now I go by Sam to some people and Alex to others 

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Jackson, Michigan. I usually thought that it sucked because theres not a lot for like teenagers to do there. but I was never one of those who despised it there, which is how most people who live there feel. now that im in Ann Arbor I realize that there just aren't a lot of opportunities for what society says teenagers should do, but that we made do. I realize now that Jackson is actually pretty rad and I can't wait to go back there tomorrow. I miss it a lot. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

really awful lavender walls with pink, green, yellow and blue butterfly decor everywhere. my sister and I shared it and never changed anything about it from the years of 2003-2012 (2012 being when we moved out)

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

I kind of mentioned this before. It sucked in lots of ways. I was really suicidal for a long time. I hated all of my family situations. I thought I would never amount to anything, I thought I would never have the courage to come out as anything. I didn't think I was gonna go to college. but I also had some really awesome lovely friends in middle and high school, Max, Hailey and Eli in particular. Eli and I have some differing views and don't talk a lot anymore, and Hailey and I had a really bad falling out, but we had no tension it was great. with Max is where most of my “teenage fun” (?) happened tho. he had a car and we did dumb shit like go to Cascades and random parking lots and grocery stores. we smoked weed once and got drunk once. those days were great and I never thought about my family and was never suicidal when I went out with Max on random high school nights

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

we were moderately close when I was really little, and then my parents started getting divorced and some shit went down between us and we didn't talk for 6 months. when I started talking to her again things were very tense. I didn't like her and I didn't want her in my life at all. our relationship is still strained but I love her now and were never going to agree on everything and she's always going to hold to a lot of her ways, and were never going to have the relationship I wish we did. but she's doing her job as a parent now and thats what I care about. she has a very specific personality based off of pop culture and ive kind of developed some of that in my own life. she's hard to explain

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

until I was like 5 I genuinely thought that he hated me, but in reality he was just stressed and worked all the time and didn't really know how to be a parent. we were never exactly close when I was young, I was kind of afraid of him. then the divorce happened and he realized that I am a person with thoughts and feelings and goals and that he was in charge of helping me develop, now all on his own. he didn't do a great job with that transition, and kind of just started treating me as an adult. but it worked. we got really close and stayed that way for a few years. then he got in a new relationship and all of her children moved in with us and they were awfully behaved and him and his girlfriend treated my sister and I as if we were also awfully behaved even though we aren't, so for that time period I had strong feelings that he wasn't being a good parent and was quite frankly being neglectful, which honestly was true. now that they no longer live with us (them? I don't live there anymore) I feel like our relationships is a lot better. could also have something to do with the fact that ive moved out. now that im rebellious and don't care what he thinks my life is a lot better. aside from parenting, he's a really cool person. he plays guitar and has lots of knowledge about musical equipment, he is the reason I took this path in life and he supports me because that was his dream too. he is also so good at being a mechanic like his customers are so loyal that he moved companies and most of them came with him, he's great at it and has so much knowledge. he just in general has a lot of knowledge and great stories and is very funny. I love him a lot

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my Papa (grandpa on dads side) was my entire heart. he loved me more than anything and I felt the same about him. he died when I was 6 and I can't really get more into it because it is one of the saddest thing that has ever happened to me and I don't think I will ever get over it. his wife, my grandma, has surprisingly been one of my most supportive family members with my transition. she took me to France and not any other grandkids. I think im her favorite no offense. I also lived with her for a long time so we're moderately close. now that im older and don't care what my family thinks of me its really easy for me to talk to her. my grandma on my moms side lived with us 4 months of the year but she had some sort of mental problem that never got diagnosed that made it slightly uncomfortable to be around her, but she loved us with her whole heart and I love her too. her husband I only met twice in my life and I don't care about him at all

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

I met my crush by force 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I don't really have anyone that I look up to in the traditional sense 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

in love. making sufficient money off my music that I can take extended break periods and my partner doesn't have to work. having exciting adventures all the time

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

god. lol

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Cammie

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

not to be narcissistic but genuinely probably when I play a whole song on piano and can feel that im playing everything correctly 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

this is an unfair question! I usually put the nerf in the middle of the night at Michaels story because its lit. 

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

uhhh being abused. haha

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

easy when they are social issues or they don't personally affect me. hard if I have to tell another person my personal views on them or something they do

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Cammie

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 7 hours with waking up approx 6 times in there 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

school. sometimes thats not enough and I don't get up

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I don't have a job

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

I really like my blue/gold/white sweatshirt and the green and orange floral hat im wearing now (bc its from cassis)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

gay punk alcoholic wannabe skater kpoppie 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

I reallllyyyy want a Yoongi funko pop at this moment in time. in general I never know.

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

not knowing if he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

literally 0. i haven't read a book like last march (?) when I sped read The Kite Runner in 48 hours for a class 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

I have no clue! hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

unfortunately 

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I want to dye my hair a fun color but am afraid 

Lack of Motivation

Here's some history... Before my grandpa had his heart attack I had noticed some changes in his mental state. Along with that he had a couple falls, some dizziness, some confusion and had a couple car accidents. I had been taking him to appointments attempting to find out what was going on. Then in December when he forgot to renew his liscense he agreed to let me drive him full time until he could get legal again. Which since he lost sight in one eye almost a year prior he agreed we would go to the eye doctor first.... we kind of himhawed around with that until I could get a doctor to put in writing that he shouldn't drive any more. Which they would all tell him he shouldn't drive... none would actually put it down. By the time I found out that the state will request (at families request) a retest grandpa had had the heart attack. I was taking him daily to see his wife for lunch at the nursing home, running his appointments and mine and when he was home in between the heart attack and surgery I would go to mine in the morning and be with grandpa until dinner time because his meals needed prepared so his numbers would be good. (He's diabetic) The only reason I could do this is because I'm off work due to an injury I recieved in June at work. I do 3 hours of physical therapy 3 times a week. I had worked until August but it got worse so they took me off. Our family thought it was ok to leave me with his care. If I had an appointment I couldn't even convince a couple of members of the family (who live in the house with him and don't work) to check on him every hour. I tried to take 2 days off during that time and both times the family member coving me said they were sick. I have a 10 year old son. My partner would keep him when he wasn't at work. He would go to school and if my partner worked an evening shift I would go get him while grandpa had his evening nap and we would go right back. I couldn't do night shifts because I had to take him home. So I would set up grandpas pill box call my grandpa in the early morning and at night and would tell him the day and the time of medicine to take. He would some times lie or forget anyway. My brother was the family that lived there said he would check on his meds but never did. It was hard. I did it because I love my grandparents and they raised me taking care of me. I am bipolar, have anxiety and a migraine condition. When I struggled with my pregnancy and was alone my grandma picked me up and hired my brother to move me. There was never a question on my care for them.... But no one is taking care of me. Some more background... I mentioned my bipolar and anxiety? I've been off my medication for about 5 months now because my partner and I were/are trying to get pregnant. During my grandpas heart attack my anxiety symptoms got so bad and I was spending all of my time at the hospital so my grandpa wasn't alone. I had some close to fainting spells and high blood pressure, dizziness and I wasn't sleeping. My mother, my grandfather's daughter complained I'm when she was at the hospital the entire time about gas, how long it would take her to get home, was extremely focused on my grandfather dying and how she could make some money off of all of it. She called the family up and exaggerated and lied about my grandpas condition and attempted to get furniture split up. During the time there she continuously made prejudice comments about every one she saw including overweight Healthcare workers, Amish people who use "our facilities" Muslims and compared a gentleman in a suit with a gentlemen in a tracksuit. We ended up fighting when I asked her how a bisexual woman of native American decent with an adoptive father who was Mexican ended up being so racist. And she ignore me fainting in a hallway having to pick myself up and crawl to a bench because she was too busy yelling at me. My brother didn't visit at all. And my partner never checked on me, or my grandfather. Not until I told him I was hurt he hadn't yet and he checked on me that one day and hasn't since. During this time he hasn't helped around the house, given me a hug and has only thrown fits if I ask him to help. He's even said random things like what have you done all day or why don't you do it. Just a week ago Grandpa had to go back to the hospital... he fainted during his check up and they found his blood pressure was everywhere and he was severely dehydrated from starving himself. He's been diagnosed with clinical depression and deemed unable to care for himself and won't be able to return home after his rehab at the nursing home. I spent 10 hours in the ER with him before they got him a room. My mo. Came out for an hour most of which she spent making sure either had eaten then left. No one else checked on us. He was there for 5 days the last two I couldn't be there because I was in the ER. there my partner took me for severe abdominal pain with my period. I was given some pain medication and after being asked if I had many sexual partners.... they gave me pain medication and told me that women have been having periods for years and I spent the time barely able to stand. All my partner did was tell me these things happen. I had no one to stick up for me. Turns out several tests later I was urinating blood, could barely pee at all from inflammation from what they think was a ruptured cyst. Of course they didn't even do a urine test in the ER. So I have to wait for a full diagnosis until it happens again but they think I have PCOS. During that time no one could be bothered to visit my grandpa in my stead or pick him up to take him back to the nursing home upon release. He had to be transported by ambulance. I'm writing all of this down because I'm so alone. With everything. All that I do for months I've been alone. Monday while I was rearranging furniture alone in my house with a back injury and a neck injury. My partner and friends went to a comedy show and he stayed out all night with his brother. He came home and got pissed off that I asked if he would throw this trash away since he was sitting next to the trash can. Said he was just going to move it by my desk and when I agreed because he just leaves trash there on his desk anyway he called me a jerk. I thought it was just a quick jab and ignored him then he started stomping around screaming, saying why don't I just throw his trash away and ended up pushing his office chair across the room which spun around and hit me. Today I tried to talk to him about an employee where he works who was rude to me. My partner insisted that this kid wasn't rude to me because he's such a nice guy and that I needed to pick my battles and not argue with his employees through the drive through window. When I said that he didn't understand my partner flew up from the couch, threw a pillow across the room and started screaming at me in my face saying that was a personal attack. I said you don't understand. That's what set him off. When I told him I wasn't going to accept his behavior that it was violent and uncalled for I got told to shut the fuck up alot.. more stomping around and screaming in my face and he told me it was my fault he's acting this way because I MADE HIM. our front door blew open at one point in time and he slammed it so hard our cast iorn candle holder fell off the wall onto my son's piano. Nothing broke but my partner insisted he wasn't violent because nothing broke and no one was hurt. So I told him I was leaving him. That I'm lonely enough I don't need to be scared of him too. All he could focus on was trying to win the arguement about the kid in the drive through and insisted that by me saying he didn't understand I attacked him some how. I eventually just felt like this is how I've always been treated by every one. How can I expect to be treated better? Then how can I expect to be an equal rights activist when I can't even get the people around me to treat me right? I demand that others be treated better but feel like I'm not worth that? I wanted to die... I don't feel much different now. People need me but it doesn't stop me from feeling that way. People needing me to exsist to take care of them doesn't make me feel loved. My son seems to be the only one who's capable of that. Background on kid at the window... I'm non binary. Born female I identify as both genders or as neither gender.... kinda figuring it out. I'm also a Demipansexual which means I'm not sexually attracted to people unless I feel a deep connection with them and that their gender identity doesn't matter to me. My partner is a straight male. I've been pretty open with friends about my identity... my mom knew me as bisexual up until recently when I came out to both my parents. My father is Uber Christian but my youngest brother who is only 9 has been telling my dad he feels like he's a girl for years and struggles with oppositional defiance disorder and bipolar which has really opened my dad up. I'm also a feminist and equal rights activist. Which my partner claims to be as well... up until he's faced with it in the real world. Any case the fight today was about me being in the drive through and thus kid called me miss like 4 times. I asked him not to twice. And he asked me why. So I said you really shouldn't have to use gender pronouns at all. And he said Meh, that's life then shut the window. 1 he was socially akward.... like why keep the window open to talk to me long enough to even have the chance to call me anything 4 times? I'm just waiting for the car ahead of me to move. 2 I don't care what people call me. I look like a woman. That's not the issue. I'm not an idiot people don't just know what to call people and I answer to whatever people call me. 3 I'm not a miss. My partner and I had a union ceremony and we are husband and wife. This kid made an assumption and me asking him not to call me that should have been enough for him to just not call me that. So to do it again... then ask why... is just rude. Like would you act that way if you used the wrong pronoun for a baby? No. I could have answered with well I'm glad Mrs. BUT me asking him to stop should have been good enough. ANY ONE asking him not to call them that should have been good enough. 4 I was pleasant. I know this kid didn't mean anything by it AND he's a kid. He's not psychic and that's how I see any of it. Plus he's not entirely misgendering since I'm not fond of the pronouns availible for nonbinary. So I chose to be informative. Why not? He works with my partner and being abrasive really doesn't get anywhere. Then there was the Meh, that's life and window shut. THEN I was offended. THAT was rude. Like kid you kept the window open, you felt like talking to me since I couldn't pull forward and you very awkwardly ended every single sentence with Miss. How are you miss, your total is Miss, here's your receipt Miss. What'd you say Miss? Have a nice day Miss. I'm not the only one in town who isn't their assigned birth gender either. Heck it was rude to keep doing it when I asked you not to then it was rude to ask why but I figured youth right? That I let roll. But I couldn't not do something after that. I'm not the only one in the world who deserves respect of some kind. 5 I called it in. Didn't use my name but they know me cause well my partner. And we'll from what I gathered from them and my partner is this guy couldn't have been rude because he's the nicest person in the world and I must have been sitting at the window arguing with him. Cause yea.... I do that. So again no support from my partner. Who has been training his employees to ask if they want a barbie or a hot wheels car because gender doesn't matter with toys. It's just when it concerns me there seems to be an issue.