EVERYBODY SHUT UP THIS IS IMPORTANT. stampy's ending My Lovely World

Diary of a Killer

not by SOMEGUY123

The "not by" author tag is because it was miscredited on the wiki that salvaged the story but had no source

So, for those unaware, I keep a huge freaking graph with all the stories i accumulated in a terribly connected timeline of events, so i can check back and forth and place new stories on a singular timeline of canonicity. It's real fun i'll upload the current version sooner or later.

This story is a diary style one, allegedly written by Jeff himself and there's just So many things that break the timeline i've built, but also there's so much stupid crap i wish i could add (You'll see).

Primarily what's keepign this story non-canon is the very explicit timestamps, age, birthday and "years since the first kill" not matching all the others (not even time travel can fix this) or the way Jane's relation is described. Accidentally however it matches a very incredibly lucky pattern of stories where Jeff is a alcoholic for a very particular set of years (yes, this is documented on the timeline)

Oh, also there's a surprise cameo at the end

This is one pretty stupid

CW// Fetish mentions, sex mention, alcohol, murder Click below to read the original unedited story

On January 4th, 2009 there was a book found in an old abandoned house that was raided by swat team to try to take down Jeff the Killer, he wasn't there. The book was a diary kept by none other than Jeff the Killer. It has been kept top secret since, until now. I will record only the details I find important as that most of this diary just has random words about killing and sometimes just random markings. He seems to be depressed by the fact that he is alone. All of this helps us to see the world in the eyes of Jeff the Killer. These are the entries…

November 17th, 2007 I found this empty book lying in the street and I guess it's a good time to start keeping a diary if I am to be properly remembered. It has been six years since I became like this, my life has been interesting since then. I'll be turning nineteen in just a week, I'm no longer a kid. November 24th, 2007 Well, today is my birthday and I plan to drink a bottle of wine that I have been saving for a long time, I got it from my childhood home before I left. The wine bottle is from 1896, it was one of my family's greatest possessions and I think it's time to drink it. I'll bet it will taste amazing. November 25th, 2007 Now that I am becoming sober again, I think I can write now. That was the greatest thing I have ever drank in my life, I drank the entire bottle. I've been lonely lately. I hate being by myself, to be truthful. I still remember Jane, all I wanted to do was make her beautiful like I am. Oh Jane my love, why do you hate me so? Well, I guess I should go on my nightly rounds, now if I can only get this damn van to start up. January 1st, 2008 It's new years! My resolution is to kill more, obviously. Just last night I killed this one girl, she smashed a lamp over my back and I still think I have pieces of in me, fucking bitch. Now I have to go see if I can get the lamp shards out of my back.

January 30th, 2008 I don't know what it is, but I can't sleep. I can sleep fine without eyelids, but its just something is keeping me awake. I think it could be Jane, she wants to kill me, I want to make her love me. Sometimes I've wondered if I really should still be alive. Alcohol seems to be my only companion. I've been living in this van in this abandoned amusement park, I need a better place to stay, I need someone. March 12th, 2008 Well, at least one of my problems have been solved, I found an old abandoned house on top of a hill next to some woods, I should be fine here, my van is parked outside of it. The house is secluded, no one would expect to find me here, I've seen how they are looking for me. I am still lonely, I talk to myself and I'm going batshit insane. Why am I fucking feeling like this?! March 25th, 2008 Living up here has been extremely eventful. There was something in those woods, by the name of Slenderman, it nearly killed me and us fighting caught the woods on fire. Worst of all, I found my family's graves, in a graveyard next to the woods. I shouldn't feel bad but I still do. What's happening to me? April 1st, 2008 I love April Fool's, especially when I'm killing. Instead of go to sleep, I say April Fool's, ah, humor. It makes me smile. I killed a lot of people tonight, it's been fun. I'm glad I'm starting to feel like myself again, my badass self, Jeff. Well, I've pulled up to my next house, this one should be good. April 4th, 2008 As if either my prayers have been answered or death has come for my soul, Jane has written me and she knows where I am. Her letter was quite cute really, heres what it said: "Jeff, I know where you are and I will kill you. I have waited years for this and now, you will die, expect me soon Jeff, I hate you." She's adorable isn't she? April 5th, 2008 Jane should be here any day now, I'm nervous. I should fight her off so I can live but I also want to impress her. Jane, you have no clue how much I love you, you are beautiful on the inside, I still keep that note you wrote me, I've loved you ever since. I wanted you to kill with me, be beautiful just like me. What is wrong with me? Jane I have many fantasies about us that I wish to come true, they are very erotic. Jane, why won't you love me? April 9th, 2008 As angels come and go, same goes with Jane. She cut me up pretty good but I was able to scare her off. I do admit I tried some things with her, but I just wanted to make her love me. She accepted defeat and left but saying she'd come back again when I least expect it. Oh Jane, you make my heart melt. October 31st, 2008 It's my favorite holiday, Halloween! This is a day I can go out in public, because everyone thinks I'm just wearing a costume. There is a local Halloween party going on in my area for people around my age. I'll go in, have some fun, maybe hook up with some girls, then finish off by locking the doors and windows and burning the place down. Tonight will be the best! November 1st, 2008 Last night went just as I pictured it, people credited my "costume" many times, I think I could have gotten one girl pregnant, and I burned the entire place down and got away. Lately some images have been going around of a smiling dog, before my encounter with Slenderman, I would have thought it was fake. If this dog is real, that would be awesome having a dog like that. A companion who shares my love of smiling. November 17th, 2008 I've been writing in this thing for officially a year now and its not even half way full. Lately stuff as just been same as usual, lonely and killing, nothing special. So, I'm out of ideas what else to write.

November 18th, 2008 (Jeff is drunk in this entry and this is the best I could translate) Jane you are so fucking hot, I want to fuck you forever. Jane I love you so much, you are so sexy. I want to fuck you in a shower of blood and I want you to slash me with that knife some more as I let you smile forever too. Fuck me Jane, fuck me. November 19th, 2008 Damn I was drunk last night, I must have been fantasizing about Jane. As you can tell, I have some interesting fetishes. December 1st, 2008 Winter is here. I love winter. The cold feels good on my face. I honestly hate spending Christmas alone, it's unfair. I just wish someone was there to spend it with me, someone like Jane. I feel so lonely and sad. December 16th, 2008 I feel odd, something seems to be going around my house, I don't know what but I hear it just running around my house. It's honestly very weird. It's probably a damn coyote who strayed too far from it's pack because it always makes canine laughing sounds, but in a way, not like a coyote.

December 17th, 2008 I saw it, it was the Smile Dog. It looked at me with its beautiful smile, and also saw my smile. I want to tame this animal, I believe we can be the best of friends. I will watch for him and be ready. I will not spend Christmas alone. December 25th, 2008 It's Christmas and I'm not alone. I approached Smile Dog with some flesh I had from another kill and he took it, and we knew I would be this dog's proper owner. We are sitting at a warm fire. I got what I wanted for Christmas, a friend. Now if only Jane were here.

This was the last entry of the diary, Jeff's current location is unknown, I released this because I wanted you to know about who Jeff really was. He was a crazy killing psychopath, yes, but he still had a heart.

Reclaimed Crown

Sequel to fan fic written for me by @imaginemycroftholmes

Lucy had been living in London For three or four months. Everythign had happened so Fast.  She was still processign the idea that the man who had raised her wasnlt her father and that he mother was retired spy and her real father. “I am still not sure about callign you grandmother. I barely know you.”

Mrs. Holmes looked at the young eoman “I am just glad you came out of your room. Mycroft is way too good at keeping secrets.  he didnlt even tell us until about year ago you existed.” 

“the odd thing is those few times i was able to get itnernet access without mother knowing i stumbled on John watson’s blog and i didnlt think Sherlock was real persomn i just thought he was fictionalized account of a real person.” she sat eating “How am i supposed to get to know my father when he;s busy so much.” 

“Because Lucero, my dearest brother is a git. if i am using that term properly. I of course figured out about ten years ago you existed he of course denied because, i assume your mother, didnlt want him to find you I deduce her husband was letting you sneak out at certain times hopign you would show up sattelute and eventualyl be located..”

A few days later in the kitchen of Mr. and Mrs Holmes “Behave, Mike. In the 120 days that young woman has been living in london you’ve only spent three days with her. I know your father taught you better than that.”  she had been a mathematiician and there were time her husband has taken care of Mycroft and sherlock alone.  “Is this your laptop?”

“Upon which depends the security of the Free World, yes, you’ve got potatoes on it.”  he winces when his mum slaps him upside the head

“You may be an adult but don’t sass me Mikey.”  she paused “That young woman up there is a lot like you she’s got deep sense of empathy and you’re  being so indifferent.” she looked at him “Lucy told me what you did the night she found she just needs you to be the man you were that night.” 

“But she is a teenage girl.”

“She’s Holme dear brother. She’s almost as clever as i am.”  Sherlock said as he entered. “Mum, I’m babysitting Rosamund for the Watsons.” he paused “Lucero is in the living playing with Rosie.”

In the living room “Hey there Rosie. I am Lucy. so you are my uncle’s god daughter. So london is new to you too.”  she was busy talkign to the baby and didn’t notice Mycroft was watching her. 

Mycroft sat and watched her “Lucero, i am sorry i didnlt ask you to come here for yourself i asked you come for me.  Then i realized i have no idea what to do.”

She looked at him “I am nto sure what to call you. i accept that you are my biological father. but i am still dealign with hte fact that the man i grew up with called me bastard who should have been aborted.”   she still woke up with those ringing in her ears.

Sherlock took Rosie into the Kitchen and Lucy went and sat next to Mycroft. “I am not sure what to call you.  I am not sure it would be repectful to call you Mycroft.”  she looked at him “Eventhough i am not sure what to say or do.”

At dinner she sat and felt awkward “the thing i i never felt like i belonged in maine.” 

“Because you didn’t belong in Maine Dear.” Mrs. Holmes said “You are A Holmes and we can always tell when we are welcome somewhere.”  she hugs Lucy “You are welcome to stay here as long as you want to dear. we;ve been living here alone since Mike and sherlock left home.”

Later that night at Mycroft’s flat “Lucero, he wasnlt doing it to be a dick. Quentin knew you were listening and he also knew you would never talk to me so he created an opening where i could speak to you alone. i admit it was a bit over dramatic. But everyone i know is a bit over dramatic.” 

“I suspected as much. I have a theory that he was sendign me outside because he knows you can hack sattelites and he was tired of Mom hiding me from you.” he writes down a seemingly random group of letters “you’re seeing how clever i am. first of all this is gibberish.” ahe folds it into and origami crame and hte letters realign spelling out Estrella “Star.”

“your name means light but the name you go by means Star.” she looked at him “I take it you’ve been recieving the anonymous little trinkets i sent during your performances.”

“they are in the small treasure chest on my dresser. one of hte few things i brough with me to London. My dance teacher says i have natural talent. i just canlt neail the pirouettes very well.”

“Oddly your uncle does perfect pirouettes.”  he said with a smile “I am sorry for being distant i picked up Sherlock’s habit of being emotionalyl distant and havign hard time expressing emotions.” he looked at her “The east wind is coming and watch your back.”

“You were i nthe audience at one of my performances i remember seeing you lurking in the shadows.” 

“You only saw mw that one time i’ve actually been to most of them.  Quentin told me about them.”  he gently squeezed her hand “we were tired of keepign secret from you. we were just afraid to tell you.”

a few hours later “Oh Yes. Friends. it has always been hard for me to make them dear girl. Forgive me.” Mycroft sighed “You look tired.”

“i am tired. but this is hte first time we’ve had a conversation since i came here. i feel like you just dumped with your parents because you are just as confused as I am.” she said

A few months later at Charity ballet Recital 

Sherlock whispers to Mycroft “Is she aware you’re having her followed. The other one is following us and there is a certainty that if she is aware of Lucy she will take her.”

Mycroft “We’ll deal with the east wind when they make themselves known. i am more introgued by the young man that is sitting i nthe second row. he’s been sitting i nthe second row everytimeLucero does a ballet routine and he leaves after she is done.”

Molly “really are you completely ignorign the fact that lucy is an attractive young woman.” Lucy and molly had become friends because sherlock suggested Molly be her female influence in London, rather than Mycroft’s assistant. The fact was Molly knew exactly who it was.  he was a young pre med student that was studying in london and she was teaching him anatomy and Lucy had met him i nthe morgue.

after the show was over Lucy ran over and hugged Mycroft “Dad! how did i do.” he flinched a little that was the the second time she had called him Dad.

“You did well, Lucero.” he looked up and saw the young man from the Audience standing there. 

Molly “Be back in moment.” she signals him and they both leave the room “Mycroft doesn’t know about you. THe Molmes family doesn’t trust outsiders that easily. Sherlock still doesnlt tell people we’re dating.”  he looked at her and nodded 

“But she’s nothing like them. from the few times i;ve been i nthe same room with either of them.” he said 

To be continued.......

what I want to bitch about today

خدامتنا من زمان باطه جبدي . و مادري شقول غير عن هالشي. والله شقول!

first thing inna yinbnaha li2ana khadamatna il oola en7ashat.

fa ya3ni “less than ideal circumstances”.

okay.

same night, ommy w oboy yabooha. tamam, whatever, yallah.

i was nice and polite 6ab3an li2ana awal yoom laha, etc.

omy w oboy galaw inna kanat ib mukan bils3oodiya w ra7at deeratha li 3 sneen w al7een raddat il kuwait. w ihya mustarja3a, ma3nata kanat fee bait bil kuwait w radooha. whatever, according to my mom “we were desperate” even though we weren’t because all of us were going to travel for the summer.

yes this story starts over the summer.

whatever. bakamil il salfa.

3ogob a few days, tgool 7ag ommy inna she can’t work too hard or carry “heavy” things like groceries because she fainted and hemorrhaged right before giving birth to her daughter. and that’s also why she has memory problems and can’t remember things. and also that she’s surprised that she has to work in our. house broo7ha because in saudi she was the third maid w ma7ad depended on her.

inzaaaaain bidaina.

fast forward and you can imagine to how difficult it is with her in the house. she doesn’t recall recipes and also cannot cook even when recipes are written down for her. she stayed in bait mama 3ayda for 2 weeks while we were all traveling and didn’t learn to cook anything. mama 3ayda and sarah were told if she learned anything, and sarah says she kept telling her but that she couldn’t retain anything.

oboy w omy is saying “ee mashallah ommich ra7 takith ajir for hiring her in our house”

ma tifham how to clean anything and no matter how many times you tell her she cannot retain it. tried writing things down with her. lazim tkooneen lazga feeha all the time to teach her over and over. so shinu asawy ana? Ana broo7i anathif dary every week except friday lama agool laha tyee tsawy a deep clean. because itha lazim i hold your hand daily, just fuck off w let me do it broo7i.

tried teaching her to clean cars, as in, i was outside with her holding the hose and sponge and cleaned my own car and asked her to replicate it on my mom’s car. she did well. next week, my dad literally almost lost his mind because she had covered the windowshield with so much dust and he couldn’t see behind him.

the point of my rant: ILYOUM omy tgooly to not “overwork” her. because she’s “sick”. please bear in mind that she has been “sick” 5 times over the seven weeks we have been quaratined. not saying she’s lying. bes there are people who are cut out to do manual labor. this bitch isn’t. i would also like to add that her “work” doesn’t fuckign exist. my mom is cooking because she doesn’t want to overwork her 3ishtaw. my mom cleans and does the laundry herself because she doesn’t trust her to not mix the colors and whites. i do my room and my laundry myself, as i made clear. so her work is washing the dishes for 4 individuals. abdullah doesn’t let anyone clean his room. i’m not exaggerating. but, ya, fuck her il9ara7a. and i’m angry with my mom for her saviour attitude. and i’m angry with her for not believing me? that’s been a constant issue bainy w bain omy which requires another rant but my mom didn’t believe inna and “معيدة” until one of my uncles told her that a TA is a mu3eeda. and then i told her “ya i keep telling you inna i am”. and she kind of was like “weee ee i guess so”. whatever, i’m not keepign track of all this bullshit. bes it hurts. and it DEFINITELY HAS COLORED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE BTW

il9ara7a 3abalha she’s taking over the work for 3ayda and she’s helping her. bes what the fuck yumma. itha bitsaween shu’3ul ilbait killah laish yaybeenha? walla ishhal ma9khara. w lama nridha to her maktab, which better be soon gabel la i kill her myself over everything she’s fucked up in my room before i told her to stop going in there, they need to be told inna she’s sick. li2ana it isn’t okay to be told when she’s in the house and has her iqama that “oh btw i’m sick and these are all the things that i cannot do”

ma 3indina mukan for another maid because my sister’s kids exist. and the reason i brought up how money is annoying with my mom is because she says they “saved” 150 dinar going to another maktab not one where she was having a conversation with another woman because the one they got 3ayda was cheaper.

you get what you paid for, and it’s awful when it comes to actual human workers, bes il9ara7a 120 dinar bil shahar is alot for a person who cleans dishes every day, does half the cooking with my mom, is not trusted with laundry or ironing, cleans only my parent’s bedroom/bathroom/living room, w bas.... hatha shu’3ilha. w 6ab3an the other half of my mom’s job is to chauffeur her to the doctor when she feels sick.