@ahsoka-ina-hood replied to their post: "So what is your number 1 draw to watching the Ahsoka show?"

@kenobster I am asking I yearn to know

Oh god lmao. Okay.

First of all, I would like you to know that I answered an anon's ask for the sake of describing the Vader Mpreg AU just for you lmao (and anon, ofc). Otherwise, this post would've been WAY too long.

Second of all, part of what I liked about The Rise of Skywalker is that Palpatine only ever thinks of himself. His creation of Snoke and the other strands is very ego-driven and selfish — to his own detriment. Palpatine's strands are always derivative and flawed from their original template. In other words, the only successful strand (aka Rey) occurred when someone else's DNA mistakenly got involved. I found that very in-character for Palpatine, very fascinating, and... well, suffice to say... unsurprisingly important for later. :)

In the Vader Mpreg AU, lizard brain has regrettably tasked me with coming up with a justification for one of Palpatine's unique modifications to Vader's body. Maybe Vader starts miscarriaging (he is going through an awful lot). Or maybe Palpatine is testing some new method of strand creation. Whatever the case, lizard brain would like it if Palpatine found it annoying to have to insert the uterus via surgery every time. Since Vader's already pooping out of a bag, Palpatine finds it Convenient™ to detach Vader's bowels from his asshole entirely. That way, the butt canal can instead be hooked up to the uterus with a synthetic cervix.

Is the butt canal stretchy enough to poop out a baby? No.

However, Palpatine can create some pre-fertilized clone-baby eggs and slingshot 'em up Vader's butt canal like merch from a t-shirt canon. :)

Maybe one day, Palpatine decides that preparing fertilized eggs in a laboratory is not perverse enough. Maybe he decides that it'd be fun to implant a synthetic ovary next to Vader's uterus that is genetically engineered to produce unfertilized eggs with Palpatine's DNA. Once complete, Palpatine can then fuck Vader's butt and make his clone babies the good ol' fashioned way.

With a touch of Jurassic Park Science, maybe Vader's DNA can accidentally get involved. And, just like what happened with Rey, maybe Vader's DNA could potentially lead to an non-uggo, totally normal-looking baby. And maybe.... just maybe.... this happens to be the exact same pregnancy Vader is enduring when he flees to Obi-Wan and pleads for sanctuary.

Maybe, lizard brain proposes, this baby can even be a specific Star Wars character. A character of unknown origins who is extremely hot and full of Anakin-esque qualities. A character who first appeared in a trailer for the Ahsoka series....

Do you hate this idea? Don't worry. I do, too.

lol this is an area of science i am. not familiar with. but if a ship hitting a planet while travelling in hyperspace would kill everyone on the planet... i think we might just have pretend that can't happen in SW because it would render the death star completely obsolete. and without the death star would it even be star wars

I KNOW I KNOW but also, lbr, the idea of the evil empire spending twenty fucking years designing a planet killing super weapon that could be substituted for by one (1) totally normal average ship with the hyperspace navigation safety control turned off is....extremely funny. very on brand of fascist empires. I have to assume the gffa hyperspace controls all come locked to not let you jump into a moon for like. exactly this reason. Just a hard coded 'no the fuck you will not crash into a [space object]', even if that means sometimes you put in the command to jump and ship is like 'haha whoospy🤪 that coordinate can't be found 🤪 we're weeary sowwry, try again?🥺🥺?'

(but also yeah the irl science behind this is...eh look, in theory it's 100% legit, small surface area + high speed = fuck load of force, enough force and you can break planet no sweat, in practise you run into issues like 'how tf do you get the [what the fuck ever] you're firing at the planet into low orbit to start with, how do you keep it there, and also how do you not destroy the whole planet bc like, you live there too.)

Okay so I could post @/ahsoka-ina-hood's submitted poll but I can't create my own polls, unless I can but I haven't noticed. I guess if it happens soon it'll have worked?

Which is the no chip time travel au? I am intrigued

haha, so, I have not actually talked about this uh anywhere (I think? I might have mentioned it in dms briefly with someone but: brain is a sieve right now so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), mostly just been turning it over in my head like a worry stone because whoo boy would it be very a lot to write even as a short oneshot -- basically, don't worry, you haven't missed anything!

the no chip time travel au is basically just: take a cody who is a few years into the Glorious Empire -- we'll say nine, maybe just edging on ten, because it's funny --and he's a good little cog in the fascist machine. The jedi are dead, long live the emperor, some things are inevitable, he occasionally finds himself missing the war his general but that's just rose tinted nostalgia, he knows it was a pain in the ass at the time.

And then he wakes up back on kamino. pre empire. Which: fine. force shit is weird. He's just gonna ride it out, like, the empire is in fact inevitable, maybe he'll shank a couple of people he knows will be a pain in the ass later, it's whatever. He's just got to grit his teeth and bear it for three years and then he'll be back where he should be, in the empire, where things are like they should be: efficient and regulated and not so goddamn messy. naturally, cody then is dragged, kicking and screaming, towards "oh actually empire bad huh", via 'thank god the empire is only [x] time away', 'well maybe it would be better (for me) to just shank kenobi now', 'huh ok so maybe some things were better pre empire', 'maybe it would be better (for obi-wan) if I just shanked him now', 'oh the empire is only [x] time away'

Galaxy's most reluctant protagonist has negative 11th hour moral revelation, then has to make the choice he's already made once and didn't realise was a choice. And also, What Do You Do With A Problem Like Vader

10 songs/10 people

tagged by @notquiteaghost; I love talking about music and also seeing what other people are listening to, so cheers for the tag!

(10 songs I've been listening to lately; some of these are on my songs-to-listen-to-while-at-work playlist, so. props to anyone who guesses those I guess.)

Despicable by grandson

spillways by ghost

end of beginning by djo

tormentor by W.A.S.P

Auld wives by bear's den

warsaw by dessa

the legend of the mother swan, by the HU

training montage by the mountain goats (high five; also just listening to the entirety of this album constantly)

farewell to welfare by grace petrie

Ténéré Tàqqàl, by Tinariwen (+IO:I)

tagging in no particular order and with zero pressure: @lttrsfrmlnrrgby, @glimmerglanger, @elwenyere, @dodger-chan, @bytebun, @frostbitebakery, @ahsoka-ina-hood, @calika, @galateagalvanized, and @goddammitjim