You're a dead man...not a Chrysler LeBaron. Kathryn Newton as Lisa Swallows in Lisa Frankenstein (2024) | written by Diablo Cody & directed by Zelda Williams

idk if anyone has passed around a post like this soo I’ll make one!

quick warning for Everything Everywhere All At Once, there’s a LOT of sequences of flashing lights and colors and rapidly flashing images at multiple points in the movie. Wanted to let any of my photosensitive and epileptic friends know this!

The Terror AU but it's a shitty chain restaurant and Sir John is the out of touch owner of the franchise and Crozier and Fitzjames are the managers who are constantly at each others throats but eventually start making out in the back. The lieuts are servers or shift leads or something, Blanky is that line cook who's been there for god knows how long, Hickey is the guy they send to clean the bathrooms when nobody else wants to do it and is never not smoking out back (me). Maybe Bridgens is a prep cook and Peglar is a food runner and they hang out after closing.

The docs and surgeons are bartenders.

Silna is the county health inspector and Goodsir has a big stupid crush on her.

I just came back from watching Dune...And wow what an incredible cinematic experience...No, I have no words

just saw poor things. aesthetically/thematically i would describe it as wes anderson for people who are unwell. it was more abt sex than i was expecting but like 10% less heterosexual than i was expecting. i think i’m easily compelled by narratives abt agency and personhood especially ones that lend themselves to metaphors for neurodivergence. now i want to reread frankenstein

finishes rereading a 430k fanfic like. wait who am i again

🌸

everytime i remember sam's canonically an actor i take 50x psychic dmg. For valentines day he gets to play romeo in romeo & juliet and he persuades var to step away from work to watch him since its just One night, u can stop working for one night just for me, right? and it totally changes var's entire life btw. he becomes the worlds biggest shakespeare fanboy even though he previously did not gaf about anything reading/watching that wasnt work related

Disappointed, bored & hurt, the worst trifecta:

I don't care what anyone else thought if the movie, if you liked it, good for you, I am happy you were able to enjoy it. I am not going to argue with you and tell you you're wrong for liking it and just being happy it actually got made because I don't want to ruin it for you. But I am going to say my piece regardless because I have been thinking about it all week and it is really bothering me and I want there to be helpful criticism out there for Scott Cawthon to pull from the fan base.

So I will start by saying that yes, I have been a fan since 2014 when Markiplier first uploaded his first video, and I have been watching countless YouTubers since then for it. Ranging from gamers who play the games, to theorists who disect them, and I cant even begin to count how many hours I have sunk into this franchise to watch all of those videos, so this isn't just someone coming in later and not getting it or something. Of course I caught things like Sparky the dog, and the Ella spring lock suit and thought "Oh my God, what a deep cut, how nice." But that in itself does not make a movie. Nor do the YouTuber appearances like MatPat being a waiter named Ness (as much as that moment was the highlight of the film) A movie needs to be written to make the audience CARE about it, it's world, it's characters. And this movie sadly just did not do that for any of the characters, be they human, ghost or animatronic.

Vanessa info dumping is a quick way to get the lore across, and yes fans already know the lore so I understand WHY things were done that way, but you should always SHOW not TELL. We fans would have loved to see it all unfold before our eyes, rather than just have some cop hang around for some reason to just spew lore out her mouth at us. We want to SEE the restaurant being established and built up, we want to see William spiral and finally decide to kill the kids, we want to see each conversation he had with each kid to get them to follow him, we want to see him kill them and put them in the suits, we want to see the kids ghosts adjusting to the suits and begin their rampage of killing guards.

That's Fnaf, that's what we are here for, the lore of the restaurant franchise, its history, its animatronics, that is all important for getting us invested, that and the mystery of it all since we like trying to solve things. So of course you don't have to show every single little thing lore wise, we do like to try to theorize and figure things out for ourselves when we are given enough pieces of the puzzle to do so, like if you are going to carry over that William also had 2 sons but you're planning to have them both be dead (one to Fredbear and one to Circus Baby) then you don't need to show us explicitly which one died first, but some things you really do need to layout for the audience to be able to feel invested in the movie. Again, like the characters, we have no reason to feel attached to Vanessa.

We don't know enough about her to care about whether or not she comes out of her coma. We have vague implications that William wasn't the best dad and that she has lasting trauma from that experience as his daughter, but we don't know what the trauma is or how severe her suffering was, so we can't truly empathize with her. Was she beaten by him? Or just yelled at or neglected? We don't know. And when building a character those sorts of things need to stated or at least hinted at more clearly to build intrigue and investment in the character. But they must be likeable as well, and non of the characters in the movie were relatable or likable enough. Mike was relatable, but his likability factor went out the window when he sold out his sister for a long dead brother that we also knew nothing about so we could care about him. The ghost kids weren't established enough as characters either, and while that may be because they have been there so long that they are not fully themselves anymore and you wanted to emphasize that it isn't really them just the negative emotions like anger and such that were left behind, it made it impossible for us to care about them beyond going "Oh dang, dead kids, poor things...Oh well, hey look at that animatronic." The only one who speaks is Golden Freddy's kid, and he was a brat.

On the topic of the animatronics, they were perhaps the biggest disappointment in the entire movie. It seemed like they were left as silent vessels for the kids both to try to make them scarier and fit the first game since they never talked in Fnaf 1, as well as to try to further emphasize the fact that this was about the ghost kids from the MCI situation. But it didn't work in either of those favors. The bots weren't scary, like the only time they had any level of intimidation factor was when Freddy stomped over to Mike when they were first introduced, and that was purely because of their size difference. The animatronics just came across as goofy. Like, how could they be threatening when they are so weak and slow that Bonnie and Freddy have to work together to lift one single little table? What makes them scary in the games is what they are capable of, how we see them move fast, how they are capable of intricate thought and planning, how they hide behind a friendly and calming facade but they are truly sinister and can outmatched any human in speed, strength and durability. But seeing the bots in the movie move so slow, barely be able to lift, go down so easily from one shot of a stun gun, it just takes any chance of them being perceived as an actual thing to fear away immediately. Not to mention the red and orange glowing eyes. It's like they are playing red light green light with their eyes and I could only laugh whenever I saw them. Where was was the iconic and chilling black with white pin pricks we all know and love? Those would have sent chills down any player's spine seeing them. The animtronics just looked so silly, and didn't have anything to backup their danger factor aside from killing some random break in thugs, 2 of which walked right into their own Demise so the bots didn't even have to work for it to show what they are capable of, (Freddy and Bonnie). And I get it, I know they were staged this way because the people in the suits probably can't see or move that well in them, and those physical limitations inhibit what can be done for the movie. But if that is the case, then why even bother making real suits and animatronics for this? If it is going to negatively impact the movie by posing such limitations, then don't waste the time or money on them, just use CGI. I would have preferred that even, since it would have allowed the animatronics to be as close as possible both look wise and feel wise to the game. As it is, Chica is the only one who perfectly matches how she looks in Fnaf 1. The boys all have slight color issues that keep them from being accurate adaptations. Really getting the creature shop to make them real was a mistake in every way except for the fact that it gives a chance for people to meet them irl at exhibits and stuff. But that isn't worth it if it requires shooting the movie in the foot. The animatronics should have been present more, they should have DONE more, they ARE Five Nights at Freddy's. We need them to be more involved, otherwise it feels less like a FNAF movie and more like the Fnaf bots making a cameo in some family drama movie.

Also, let's talk more about Mike and his whole dream thing. We got it the first time, we didn't need to see it over and over and over again. That was boring. Heck, the whole first 1/3 of the movie was just tedious and dull with all the setup and family drama, it felt like I was left waiting for the movie to actually start, like I was watching a required video before I could actually watch the movie. Yes, it was important to establish how down on his luck Mike was and why he needed a job and how this was his only option for work so he had to take it, even if it wasn't ideal. But the bots didn't even attack him until around night 3 or 4. So it was less about Mike coming back to the job despite the danger, and more about Mike just coming back despite it not working great with his schedule. And his backstop could have been established far faster and with less monotony. It took up so much of the run time that we could have spent better elsewhere, such as fleshing out William some more or on the animatronic side of things like I said earlier.

And God, William, oh William...He is just never going to be an actual threat again, is he? Like, odd enough to shift him from being British to just being American, but he was portrayed as so goofy as well in this movie. As Steve Raglan, I understand him being an upbeat and lighthearted guy, but when we are shown him in the suit, he should have had more buildup, there should have been more suspension and hype to make him FEEL like more of a threat. Him controlling the other animatronics should have also been shown, I don't care if it was him disguising himself as a friend via sound illusion disc's or some stereotypical remote control or what. But leaving it vague for anyone to see there to theorize about (or forcing them to read the books to understand) just takes any tension out of it by making it feel like a rushed cop out. His whole little speech about him creating disobedient monsters just felt sad and weird and out of place. And his delivery of his iconic line felt shoehorned in to be able to point at it and say "look, look, ah ha he said the thing" and was really just pathetically given, rather than it being more of a menacing and knowing promise. Plus, when we only know of 6 kills under his belt and all of them were children who couldn't fight back and we didn't even see how creepy and cunningly he lured those kids in to their deaths, we really have no frame of reference for what he is capable of and why we should fear him. Like, sure maybe he wasn't actually aiming to kill his own daughter, but if he shoved a big knife through her gut and she didn't even die and he actually WAS trying to kill her, then that's pretty sad. Makes him come across like a failure of a killer and more of a joke than anything. He couldn't even kill Mike for crying out loud, and Mike didn't have a gun like Vanessa did.

(Also, I suppose this is a nitpick, but why was he able to kick Mike in the suit without the spring locks going off? That was a hard jarring movement, and the foot meeting Mike was applying resistance, don't you normally have to be careful how you move and breathe in those things so as not to set them off? How can you harshly kick someone AND get tazed without it tripping the spring locks?)

I don't know, the whole thing just felt like it was relying on fans to just be satisfied with seeing Easter eggs, cameos, and feeling what superior or something for already knowing everything? I mean, the whole movie was so predictable, every single plot point of it, even Vanessa being his daughter wasn't a surprise to me or my friends that just went and saw it with. I've seen people say they went in with a Bingo sheet, and that is not a good thing at all. The run time was poorly allocated to the wrong points, and such important things like building the world of the Freddy's restaurant chains and its characters kind of got the screwed over. I watched this thing twice and hesitate to ever watch it again because my opinion of it already started out not so good with the first watch and fell to bad with the 2nd. I might actually cry if I try to watch it again. I don't like knowing I've waited years for this and hoped and prayed for the best, only to see red flags popping up when the trailers were released and then going in with low expectations telling nyself to ignore the warning bells in my head and actually seeing it, it's just so disappointing.

I love this franchise dearly, it's done so much good for so many good people. It gave so many people jobs as YouTubers who are a joy to see spread positivity and light in the world. Heck, the games also got some people to look at Chuck E Cheese in a new light and give it a visit. It's brought so many people together and inspired the next generation of game designers and story tellers. Nothing will ever shake me from its clutch, even back when Fnaf 3 came out and I felt disappointed I didn't give up on it, and that was back when it was still new enough that it didn't have a strangle hold on me yet. So of course I'm not going anywhere even if the Ruin DLC and movie were kind of a flops. I will still be here ready to go to the theater to give the 2nd movie a try when it comes out, I just hope that Scott and the crew learn from this and make better choices for the next one. Because I really want this series to be treated with the love and respect that it deserves.

Regardless of any complaints though, thanks to my fellow fans for being so devoted to the series as well and getting it past the Mario movie in terms of views for streaming, (the Mario movie was bad in its own way, mostly with Peach's...everything, and the voices of all the characters and stuff) so I'm glad to see it surpassed that shamless cash grab of a movie at something. And I am happy that the movie wasn't just abandoned after being in development purgatory for so long.

This again, was in no way meant to deter fans from enjoying it if they found something in it for them, keep enjoying it. If all you wanted was a cheesy movie that wasn't taken seriously and was intentionally bad, then all the power to you. But it truly is not for everyone. Hard core fans, casual fans, it doesn't matter, it truly comes down to what you were looking for in a movie. And I love Scott Cawthon and his dedication to the fans, but this really wasn't it and I know he can do better, so I darn sure will be voicing any complaints I have with the film to push him to push the movie crew to do better.

Romance is alive and it lives in the movie fallen leaves by aki kaurismaki <3

I'm going to eternally hate myself for the way I met Billie Piper but I do miss Rose Tyler on my screen and the newest Doctor Who clip indicates that Donna Noble had a daughter and named her Rose. I'm gonna scream.

Got the pizza box from amc :] now I just need to get the regal one since they're apparently different

feeling quite a bit better so i'll be easing back into writing today prob!

trips. falls. stumbles. rolls. slides. tumbles.

bagel (through tears)

YOU UNDERSTAND NOW. YES. THE WAYS THIS MOVIE HAS PUT WORMS IN MY BRAIN

ok so. media can do That

I was already completely flummoxed at the prospect of JOSH GROBAN playing SWEENEY TODD, but in the course of this article’s opening paragraphs I also learned there’s a Merrily We Roll Along revival coming with Daniel Radcliffe?? (I presume playing Charlie, since obviously Jonathan Groff will be Frank.) Nothing against either of these gentlemen but: what the fuck is. going on.

Yes, I know, Broadway productions rely on ***stars*** now, I know, but. like. Casting is still casting, you can’t just pull names out of a hat. Josh Groban? as? Sweeney? Todd????? You want me to believe that man as a serial murderer and an allegory for twisted class warfare? THAT MAN?? Can Daniel Radcliffe even sing, and, equally importantly, can he deliver patter?

secondarily, while I think Annaleigh Ashford is great, I also do not think she makes any fucking sense for Mrs. Lovett. whither the older, possibly somewhat stout character actresses. my god.

@glintglimmergleam help