/venting

Home Movie / Negan x Reader / S7 / 18+

Warnings: daddy kink, oral, unprotected/rough sex, slight dom!negan, talk of masturbation, Negan references himself as “the big bad wolf” (cringe but I love it), creampie, forbidden attraction, talk of voyerism, use of derogatory language, glove/leather kink (slightly)

Summary: Negan finds a smut tape of you on the video camera at Alexandria and makes it his mission to seek you out.

A/N: I got this idea in my head while I was watching the episode of season 7 where the saviours first visit Alexandria with Negan and he finds Rick’s confessional video as he’s emptying the houses out. also inspired by another Negan series called Polaroids by @reevesdriver on here as it’s one of my faves ever! 🫶🏼 I just had to write a Negan imagine in the TWD universe again bc as much as I like pre apocalypse Negan, I needed to write apocalypse Negan because there isn’t anything sexier to me than a murderous man swinging a barbed wire bat and talking about his dick, hope u enjoy 🤍 x

“Goddamn it.” You huffed out, a long breath leaving your lips as you shoved the deer that was on your shoulders further up to prevent yourself from dropping it on the ground. You’d been gone since the crack of dawn, with Daryl gone at this point in time, you were one of the best hunters that Alexandria still had. While you felt some type of way about putting in so much effort for someone else to just take the shit you’d risked your life for, you knew Rick needed people on his side at the moment. It would be foolish to try and be defiant right now, too much blood had been spilt recently and you didn’t want to be the reason it continued. Yeah, you’d played your part in the attack on the outpost but you’d all been in acceptance that it was just that outpost. That once that was cleared, you were rid of the foreboding threat that was the Saviours. How wrong you’d been in that moment, it was only the beginning.

You were now dealing with the aftermath of Negan, having to risk life and limb, bend over backwards to make him happy, the asshole. You couldn’t count the amount of times you’d had to hold your tongue to stop yourself from verbally berating his people, knowing what the consequences of giving them a piece of your mind would be. You hadn’t been there when he had killed Abe and Glenn, only hearing the horrid, sordid details after the fact.

The blood from the deer that you’d managed to kill was seeping into your white tee, making your shoulders feel sticky and matting up in the tips of your hair. You signalled a high pitched whistle, waiting for the large dark beige gate to be opened, allowing you enter back into Alexandria. Your eyes found the large sign, “Alexandria Safe Zone: Mercy for the Lost. Vengeance for the Plunderers.” You scoffed, how fucking ironic. The gate began to be moved, revealing three large vans parked up just a couple feet away from the entrance, the Saviour vans. “For fuck sake.” You thought, what could that bastard want with you now, you couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous.

“Negan, you’ll want to see this.” Negan turned to look at the saviour approaching him, holding out a small silver video recorder. “Well, what do we have here Grimes? Got my fingers crossed for a little freaky deaky!” He grinned, crossing his fingers in front of Rick’s face. He slid his hand into the leather handle of the camera, a video of Rick coming into view, looking a lot more threatening than he did now. He could barely make out it was Rick, with the massive beard grown on his face he wasn’t used to seeing. “Woah! Is that you? Underneath all that man bush? Holy shit, I would have not of messed with that guy… but you aren’t that guy anymore. Are you Rick?” He grinned, Rick stood with a stern look on his face, not moving. Negan continued to watch the interview, Rick speaking candidly about the amount of people that he’d killed. The video started to go static, indicating there was a tape that had been recorded on top of the original. Negan’s eyebrows furred in confusion, before his eyes widened at what the camera had blessed his eyes with. He watched as you were stood in-front of the camera, a light pink lace open cut babydoll set on, your breast sat in the cups, nipples on show for the camera. You started posing for the camera, running your hands through your hair, holding it up Pam Anderson style. A large sexy smile on your lips, turning to do a 180 spin, your smooth backside coming into view for the camera, Negan pulling the camera closer to his face, almost not believing what he was seeing. He didn’t recognise you, maybe it had been someone that used to be in Alexandria, wasn’t a member anymore. He growled lowly, that would be just his luck, the sexiest woman he’d seen in recent history just missed by a couple weeks. He moved his attention back to the camera, now watching you spread out on the bed, playing with your nipples while starting to rub your folds underneath your panties before the camera cut out, showing Rick’s interview once again.

“Fuck! Just when it was getting good!” He cursed, snapping the cameras screen back into place. A fire now in his stomach, his jeans now contracting around his hard bulge. He couldn’t get you out his mind, he knew he’d remember if he’d come across you before, so who the hell were you?

You’d managed to get the deer half way back to your house before being stopped by one of Negan’s minions, asking what you were doing. You ignored him, just wanting to get back, the saviour hadn’t liked that, grabbing you by the waist, dragging you towards the circle of people that were gathered around one of the vans. You could hear Rick talking about some guns that he’d found, apparently Negan thought you were trying to stash items, to prevent having to hand them over to his people.

“Negan. Got a rude bitch here for you, was about to run home, sneak this thing back with her.” You slightly rolled your eyes. “How am I meant to sneak a deer back, smartass?” You questioned, not believing someone could be so stupid. The man’s face contorted into a rage fuelled look, his hand raising up to you, before he had the chance, Negan whistled. “Hey! We don’t raise a hand to a woman, you know the fucking rules.” He stepped forward, now coming into full view of you, his eyes glancing over your body, looking like a kid on Christmas. You were still here, he couldn’t believe his luck. Lucille sat on his shoulder, his one gloved hand wrapped tightly around the bottom of the wood. “Now I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Negan.” He smirked, holding his free hand out for a handshake, his large frame towering slightly over you. You were met with a slight musk, you recognised it as an old spice fragrance, masculine and powerful. You looked at it, questionable look on your face before your hand met his, engulfing you from the size of it. His rough skin a stark contrast from the softness of yours, the movement felt foreign, you shouldn’t feel this way, especially when it’s him.

You saw Rick tensing up as he watched on from the sideline, wondering what Negan was up to, showing such civilness to you. “Nice to meet you, sir. I’m Y/N.” You stated, his smirk getting wider. “Sir? Oh, you my dear, are like the gift that keeps on damn giving!” He exclaimed, bewilderment sitting on the faces of those around you and yourself. What the hell did he mean by that? “Load em up, we’re leaving.” He commanded, the saviours starting to retreat back to their vans, Negan not moving from where he was stood.

A few of the Alexandrian’s moved away as well, not wanting to be in his presence for a moment longer than they were required to. “Now doll, take that damn thing off your shoulders, wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” You reluctantly agreed, placing the deer just behind you, before Negan nodded at two remaining men, them coming behind you to take your prized find. You scowled, fury raging inside your soul, you’d risked your life trying to get just one actual nice, fulfilling meal for everyone, just to have your hard work stolen off you. “I believe that’s mine.” You spat out, the fire showing from your eyes as you glared up at him. “What’s yours is now ours doll, or hasn’t Rick drilled that into you yet?” He asked, aware of the sexual innuendo of his words, his tongue rolling across his lower lip. You huffed, knowing if you talked back further, it wasn’t going to end well for you. You felt like you were tasting blood from how hard you bit down on your tongue, fists balled up.

Negan walked over slightly to the back of the last truck, the doors open, a load of stuff that you recognised from peoples homes in the compound. Picking something up, he walked back over to you, Lucille still sat on his shoulder. You saw the small video camera, not thinking much of it, not knowing there was a tape inside that you probably would have never wanted him to see. He placed it on your chest, it digging into your skin, sat just on top of your heaving breasts.

“You should be careful with such sensitive material, never know what kind of perverts going to come across it!” He joked, your eyes widening in embarrassment as you finally understood what he was talking about. You got a look of disgust rise on your face, you couldn’t believe he’d seen such an intimate piece of film. You went to grab the camera from him before he gripped tight on it, making it harder to move. “Now doll, it’s a good job I found this before any of my men did, you know that right? They would have taken this back with them and sat around in a circle jerk together, I however am returning this to you, soooo… How about a thank you, Negan?” He demanded playfully, leaning closer to your face, nose almost touching your cheek. You gulped shallowly, your hand moving over his that was holding the camera to your chest. “Thank you, Negan.” You managed to get out, the words tasting like poison to you.

He laughed, letting go of the camera, allowing you take it back with a yank. “You are more than welcome, baby. Also, in case you were wondering, you are most definitely my favourite Alexandrian now.” He winked, walking backwards before getting in the truck, holding his head out the window, giving a small wave to you as they drove out the front gates. You huffed, letting out a breath you didn’t realise you held in your throat.

It had now been a couple weeks since Negan’s last visit, he’d sent groups of his saviours in between but never actually visiting himself. You were thankful that this had been the case, you’d found yourself thinking about what could have been. You’d began to let your mind wonder to the scenario of meeting Negan in another situation, you couldn’t help but be attracted to him. He was one of the most attractive men you’d ever come across, it was just a shame he was also the most evil men you’d ever come across.

Unbeknown to you, he’d found himself thinking about you too, that fucking video. He’d managed to score some old age dvd porno films from supply runs over the years but he couldn’t even watch them to get off anymore, only thinking of your little smut tape. It wasn’t even like you’d done anything massively explicit on the tape, it shutting off before it managed to get that far but he had concluded that was probably worse. It allowed his mind to run at all the different possibilities, what did you sound like when you moaned, what would you sound like whimpering out his name as he was filling you up? What did you look like when you reached climax? All these unanswered questions racing through his mind as he got out his sexual frustration on his wives, not caring which one it was as all he pictured below him was you. Moaning out your name instead of theirs, the women not caring that much as they were only there to be used by him, no affectionate feelings connecting them to him.

You were currently in the garage, clipboard in hand, biting on the end of your pencil in anxiousness as you went over inventory. You were expecting another visit today, making you want to double check over everything to make sure there wasn’t any discrepancies in the numbers. That was the last thing you needed, especially since you were now actively trying to get plans in place to take the fight back to the Saviours. You were just finishing up when a loud knock startled you, the garage door vibrating at the motion. You put the clipboard down on the side, bending down to pull the door up.

“Well well well! If it isn’t my favourite Alexandrian. I’ve missed you, doll.” It was Negan, that signature grin on his face once again, eyes raking over your body. You felt sheepish under his wandering eyes, now knowing he’d practically seen you naked since he’d come across that video of yours. You sighed, hands resting on your hips. “What do you need, Negan?” You asked, him walking into the garage now, the door slamming back shut. The anxiety started to kick in as you were now alone with just him, as he looked over the shelves, picking up random items and studying them. “Nothing really, just wanted to see your pretty face. I just cannot stop thinking about you, doll! I wonder why that is, huh?” He laughed, you knowing what he was alluding to. He noticed how you crossed your hands over your chest, almost trying to shield yourself from him.

“Oh no no no! There’s no need for all that, I’ve seen those pretty babies already, you’ve nothing to be ashamed of, doll.” He sauntered over to you, towering over you again like last time, practically feeling the heat from his body on yours. You couldn’t take your eyes off his, the way he looked at you making you get slick. He wasn’t one to hide his true emotion, his jeans getting tighter as he imagined you as he saw in the video, putting on a little private show for him. “I’ve gotta know, what made you film something like that? You must of known someone could come across it, why take the risk?” He questioned you, hand coming to rub over his bearded chin. “In this world, there’s not much opportunity to feel sexy. I just wanted something to look back at when I felt down about myself.” You squeaked out, feeling very intimate. Here you were telling the leader of a rival camp your biggest insecurities, possibly giving him ammunition to further torment you and your people.

“Oh doll, you could be covered in damn walker guts, and I’d still think you were the sexiest thing on this damn shithole planet.” He purred, grabbing you slightly by the chin, making you smile slightly. You shook your head, pulling yourself out of his grasp. “What are you doing Negan? We can’t be thinking like this. I can’t be thinking like this. You… you are the enemy.” Your hands resting on the lapels of his leather jacket, the slight coldness of it sending shivers down your spine. You leaned dangerously close to Negan’s lips, his beard scratching the surface of your skin. “Rick would fucking kill me, he’d fucking kill me, if he knew I think about you the way I do. Think about you when I touch myself, wishing it was you.” You whispered, getting more confident in your tone, your eyes staring at his lips, then back up to his dark eyes, your lips partially open as you let out shallow breaths, anything you could to try and lower your heart rate that was pumping under your chest. The silence in the room was deafening, you started to get nervous again, like you were just waiting for him to recoil away from you and laugh at your confession, that this had all been a massive joke to humiliate you further. “Goddamn it doll, looks like great minds think alike because I’ve been doing the same damn thing since I saw that little treat on that fucking camera.” He chuckled, picking you up in one swift movement, placing you on top of the workplace bench.

“Did you think about me claiming your pussy, doll? Fucking you until you can barely remember your goddamn name? What would Ricky say if he saw you submitting yourself so easily to me, the big bad wolf?” The dark tenor of Negan’s voice caused you to whimper in half fear, half pleasure. You could tell his personality was darkening to the more intense side, the jolly joking and fucking about traits were completely absent. You didn’t feel terrified though, like you did when he committed some of the horrific atrocities in front of you, the feelings of excitement causing your hairs to stand on edge and your pussy getting wet with every word that spilled out of his mouth.

“I did, god I want you inside of me.” You confessed, as Negan’s hands ghosted over your cleavage that was exposed by your tank top, before he pulled it over your head, your breasts spilling out of your lace bra. He shoved his gloved hand into your mouth, commanding you to suck. You obliged, your hands holding his arm in place as you swirled your tongue around the two thick fingers, head bobbing up and down as you did. The leather of the glove rubbery on your tongue, causing you to moan onto his fingers.

He grinned at you, a deep grunt as he leaned over capturing your right nipple into his mouth, suckling it, swirling his tongue around and biting it with his teeth causing you to moan and pull his head against your chest as you kept sucking hard on his fingers. He did it again, giving you light bites and licks, alternating between your two erect nubs. Negan removed his fingers from your mouth with a pop, bring them down to give one final pinch to your nipples, the wetness of his one hand causing the cold air to make your nipple more sensitive.

“Get on your knees, I want to see your mouth full of my dick, doll.” Negan grinned with a wicked smile, his hands undoing his jeans, letting them fall to pool at his boots. You felt your mouth salivate, eager to take him as slid off the table onto your knees. You started to lick him, going from bottom to top slowly, teasing him like he did to you with his dirty sweet nothings in your ears, hearing his low groans. You sucked the precum from his tip and swirled your tongue under his head, and then looked up at him, making sure you held eye contact with him, opening your mouth and taking him in little by little, bobbing your head up and down. Your mouth was being stretched wide, you started to move a little faster, sucking him, licking him, taking him deeper and deeper until you felt him in your throat. He was big, causing you to gag a little as your eyes began to water, your throat starting to get a sore feeling within it as he fucked your throat at a quick pace. He gave a slight gasp and his hand took a firm hold of your head keeping you in place, as his hips bucked, making it his mission to get as far down your throat as possible.

“I need to fuck you now, doll. Get up here.” Negan pulled back to your feet, slamming you stomach down onto the table, almost ripping your jeans as he pulled them down your thighs, your moist panties now on show, one tug and the flimsy material broke in two halves, now fully exposing your slick entrance to Negan. He rubbed his dick up and down your slit eliciting a pleasurable moan from both of you, pushing his length inside and then pulling out and rubbing it down your slit again.

“Please... Negan! Please!” You whimpered out, pinching your nipples, trying to get some relief from his teasing. He smirked down at you, that dark gaze watching your every move. “Please what? I want to hear you saying you want daddy's dick. I want to hear you beg me. Come on little girl, say it.” he demanded as he rubbed his length along your wet slit. “Please daddy! I want you deep inside me, please fuck me!” He groaned and pushed himself hard inside your walls, with no hesitations. You screamed, even being sopping wet, you were too tight around his shaft. He leaned on top of you and started to kissing your neck, biting lightly. Negan felt you getting used to his girth, you started to move your hips against him, wanting friction. He started to thrust in slowly, checking for your reaction to his movements. “I'm fine, please, fuck me daddy!” You moaned out, Negan pulling almost all the way out of you and then thrusting in hard making you gasp.

“You're loving this doll, aren’t you? Yeah, you're loving having my dick inside of you. I’d love good old Rick to walk in right now, see you bent over for the big bad wolf.” he chuckled, turning you on even more. Thrusting again and again building up speed, going faster and harder, just like you had imagined he would in your dirty dreams, but so much better than your imagination. “I'm going to fuck you like the slut you are and you are going to thank me for it.” He whispered in your ear, pulling your hair with one hand and holding your hips firmly with the other as he snapped his groin into you, making your ass ripple with the powerful movements. “I want to hear you doll, thank me.” You almost rolled your eyes at the narcissistic request but your brain was too blank to comprehend it. “Thank you, thank you Negan!”

You focused on the obscene sounds of your bodies echoing around you, amplified by how small the garage was. Negan continued fucking you rough and hard, until you felt the orgasm surging inside of you, building fast and strong. When it finally hit you, you screamed with the intensity of it, your body shook with the pleasure waves, running through your core. Negan released your hair to hold your hips so he could keep fucking you. His thrusts shortened, you clenched around his length, a groan leaving his mouth, feeling him finally release just after you. Negan pulled himself out of you, watching as his cum spilled out of your hole, dripping slightly onto the concrete floor below you. He leaned on top of you, leaving small kisses on your spine, body covered in a light sheen of sweat.

“Y/N! We need you out here! Negan is on his way!” You turned to Negan, a confused look on your face, he’d snuck into the compound to fuck you and now you had to act like he wasn’t even here.

happy sleepover saturday!! who's your fav character in arthurian legend? what's your favorite movie that makes no goddamn sense?

oh this one is Targeted

okay so first my fave and then my fave obscure/underappreciated character

fave is of course my boy gawain. i want to put him in a jar and shake him up until he cries. like. my man is so interesting. all the people close to him agree that he's super noble and kind and goodhearted and just. but also he has a sense of humor!! and even more interesting than that is he's willing to throw himself under the bus for the betterment of others

in sir gawain and the green knight, when the green knight comes to challenge someone in a duel to the death, gawain makes a big show about how he's Clearly the most suited one there and how it would be silly to challenge anyone else and no one could really take on the green knight except for him. he makes himself look like a completely pompous asshole. but also that spares literally everyone else from having to rise to the challenge of facing a very terrifying and clearly magical foe. everyone gets off scott free by saying "ugh big headed gawain showing off again, lets all watch him get his ass kicked" while they can secretly be relieved none of them had to step in, or WORSE say no to the challenge and make king arthur and his court look weak. by making himself look like a dick (something everyone there knows he isnt) he lets everyone save face while also protecting them from almost certain death and he does it SO well that the green knight is none the wiser. like. big brain moves only from my boy gawain

in a COMPLETELY different tone he's such a fucking horse girl and in one of the stories (i cant remember which one. yvain maybe???) gringolet his horse gets stolen and the man just like lies on the ground crying about it. he loves his horse so much!!!! and its so funny!!!! he's so strong and brave and his horse gets stolen and its full toddler hours from noble knight gawain. the other knights are like my man you gotta pull yourself together and gawain is like *snot and tears* MY BEST FRIEND GRINGOLET

now my favorite obscure/underappreciated character from the arthurian canon is moriaen. i dont blame people for not knowing him because his story is very rare and hard to find but more people should!! he's the only knight of the round table who's canonically black and he's really fascinating

its very clear in the text that, while there's some stuff thats obviously MMMM,,, today, it was the author at the times attempt to be really progressive and accepting. moriaen has very dark skin and a lot of the characters in the story have never met a black man before and are originally very scared of him. however in his story moriaen comes to be known as the MOST christian and noble of all the knights of the round table (in a time where christian = good and moral) and the people who were originally afraid of him are so impressed by his good heartedness, morality, and strength, that they come to value and praise him. also his father, who is a white knight of the round table, actually ends up going back to [unspecified country in northern africa] to pursue justice for his mother's kingdom. like its very elementary social justice kind of stuff today but for the medieval period this was RADICAL and its really really cool to me

on the topic, for the movie question, everyone should watch king arthur legend of the sword (2017) because like. is it good. no. does the story make any sense. no. is it historically accurate or faithful to the canon. god not even a little. does it fuck severely for no goddamn reason and go so fucking hard at every opportunity? GOD. YES. its genuinely a piece of ART and i mean that in the most derogatory and highly affectionate way possible. it makes no goddamn sense but its SUCH a good time everyone should watch it

hi emma!! what are your tww thoughts? like otps, headcanons, favorite episodes or arcs, fave characters? tell me anything! i love your blog and this show is amazing so i just love talking to people about it- feel free to rant about anything tww related!

hi! thank u sm for enjoying my blog haha. i really do have a lot of thoughts so let’s get into this

my favorite character is josh. which i feel like is so predictable knowing myself. my inner monologue really is: oh look at this semi-attractive main character who is kinda an asshole i must love him. i love how biting and brutal he can be but then he can be an absolute softie (when he gets donna that xmas gift in 1x10 hello????) also he’s from connecticut like me and that’s what i call #solidarity 

also josh in the entirety of the supremes um yes feminist icon get the first female chief of justice elected

and can we give a special shout out to how jacked josh is despite those ugly suits they put him in. 

broke: sam seaborn is hot

woke: josh lyman is hot

my favorite character after him is such a toss up. it’s either cj or bartlet or donna. really depends on the day. all the main characters are so good it’s pretty impossible to choose

favorite episodes (bear in mind i’ve only seen the show all the way through once): noël, in the shadow of two gunmen, the supremes, celestial navigation, 17 people, literally most of season 2, 20 hours in america, game on.

hands down my favorite episode is noël. we love a josh-centric episode

bradley whitford did not have to go off so hard but he did!!!! emmy winning king!!!! also his acceptance speech is too cute

favorite arcs: everyone finding about MS (that string of 5-6 episodes might be the most solid string of tv episodes ever), the santos campaign (especially in s7 once donna was there), and for the dramatiqueness of it all, gaza

this isn’t an arc, but i love it whenever the characters get fired up about gun control

the best scene of the entire show might be when josh and toby lose their actual minds over daylight savings 

there are a couple ships on the show that i find cute (jed/abbey, zoey/charlie, perhaps even sam/ainsley), but THE otp and one of the key reasons i started the show, is, of course, josh and donna

i fucking love slow burn. most of my favorite ships are slow burn. i like it when it takes, 5, 6, 7 seasons for a couple to get together. i am far more entertained. and that was josh and donna!!!!!

(even though they should have gotten together after gaza. maybe even after jed’s reelection. i think i just wish sorkin wrote them because i feel like he would have given us a wedding ep)

but anyways!!!!!!! i love their dynamic and how they push each other and make each other better people (mostly josh growing from knowing donna). their first kiss is iconic as hell 

also their kiss(es) in transition fuck. janel and brad’s sexual chemistry did that

there are just too many good josh/donna moments: every time she ties his bowtie (which janel said was basically a sex scene for them), josh telling embarrassing stories about donna and saying “those are nice stories. i’d like you if i heard them,” the entire snowball scene like did he really have to stop his train of thought just to tell her she looks beautiful, donna taking josh to the hospital at the end of noël, literally every single time they look at each other, IF YOU WERE IN AN ACCIDENT I WOULDN’T STOP FOR RED LIGHTS

the list goes on and on

as you can tell josh and donna take up 80% of my thoughts

ok headcanons let’s go

j/d basically moved in together after their trip to hawaii. in that one week, things that needed to be said were finally said and they said screw wasting any more time, let’s just be together and be happy

they get married the summer before the midterms in connecticut. they try to keep it small but when two presidents show up, it’s anything but

by year 3 of santos’ term, j/d have a little boy. seeing josh lyman brutally take down republican house members while an infant is strapped to his chest in a baby bjorn is a sight to behold

santos wins his reelection. donna and josh quit the white house and start a think tank. sam takes over from josh and donna finds an apt replacement for herself. helen and matt wish nothing but the best for the couple even though they’ll be sorely missed

the barlets love baby lyman and it gives j/d an excuse to escape to new hampshire every odd weekend. 

(when baby lyman was born, josh had his doubts as a father. jed pulled him to the side and said “i know you’ll be great. how do i know? because you’ve had great fathers like noah and leo”)

when baby lyman is 3, donna runs for congress. she easily wins, especially with cj and toby helping out behind the scenes. josh becomes a stay at home dad who gives the occasional lecture at georgetown. he couldn’t be happier. 

Do Not Go Gentle: Buzzcut Season

Link to song: Buzzcut Season by Lorde (my other absolute fave)

Synopsis: The history of Hybern and Night Industries. 

Ao3 Link

Chapter 17: Buzzcut Season

War.

The word echoed in my mind, and all I could see was his face twisted into that vicious snarl of his.

“Please,” I breathed, “Don’t do it. Not for me. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.”

“What are you talking about?” Rhys demanded, his eyes full of concern and confusion. When he finally understood the fear in my eyes, the trembling of my fingers, he shook his head. “No, Feyre—not with Tamlin. Not with Spring Corporations.”

I flinched at the sound of his name.

Rhys sighed, then gently took me by the elbow and lead me over to the couch. It was directly in front of the map I’d seen before. Rhys wandered over to the coffee counter, and I heard the whirring of a machine. He spoke over the noise.

“Spring Corporations, for the last six months, has been working with Hybern and Co to import and sell Cauldron. C’s made their way into Prythian’s black market about three years ago, and since then can be found at nearly every party, frat house, club or back alley. They are all anyone wants right now, and the price they go for has never been higher. Hybern and Spring have been profiting big time off of these druggies. But they can’t maintain their supply anymore.”

“Why?” The world of drugs and illegalities still confused me to high hell, but Rhys remained calm and focused. He strode over from the coffee bar with two mugs in his hands, and handed me one. The smell was peppermint, and one sip of it had my stomach calm. He sat beside me, hands wandering over the map.

“This, here, are the ports. They used to import everything and operate out of here, the warehouse. That’s where I had my guys working to deliver them.”

“Wait, wait, how did you get caught up in this?”

“I’ll explain after. Anyways, we used to distribute from here to our dealers. But now, they can’t import anymore. They were caught with some misdealing at the border, and now they have no incoming supply. So they need a new facility to start producing here, in Prythian.”

“Okay, but what’s the issue then?”

Rhys sighed. He took another marker, then circled the mountains and territories north of Prythian, Illyria. “He’s looking at buying the reserve.”

My mouth fell open, and I immediately blurted, “Hybern can’t do that. That’s protected land. That’s their land.”

“I know,” Rhys sighed and fell back against the couch. “But this city has an asshole of a mayor in charge who doesn’t quite care as long as there’s money in his pocket.”

My brows furrowed. “He can’t do that.” I repeated, furious. I didn’t know much about Illyria, but I knew that their people, the Illyrians—they’d been there for hundreds of years. They were native to this land before Prythian was colonized, before the city had a skyline at all.

“He can, and he’s trying. The land, though they claim is protected, is under city jurisdiction. No matter what we do, feds aren’t getting involved because it’s not federally owned. It’s up to the mayor and the people to decide. And as you know, the Illyrians aren’t very popular amongst city people.”

It was true. They had a reputation for their coldness, and were known only for their cheap gas prices and bars.

“For years my people have been marginalized. They have no voice, no means to make a living. We’ve been demanding for better government infrastructure, for healthcare, for schools, but the only thing that seems to be opening up are more bars and liquor stores.” His eyes closed. “My people have been suffering. The homicide rates, the suicide rates—they’re six times higher in their territories than here.”

For a few moments, we were quiet. I only looked down at the map, disdainful that I’d never been told of the suffering lingering just beyond the city limits.

“If they buy that land, their homes will be destroyed. But that’s not all—they’ll employ those people. They’ll give them a pittance of a salary for menial work, and three quarters of them will be addicted to C’s before the first month of production is over.” He glanced at me sidelong, the usual spark in his features gone. “My people will only suffer more than they already have.”

I shook my head, eyes still focused on the map. “So what are you doing?” I wondered. “What can I do?”

Rhys hesitated for a moment, then said, “You seriously want to work with us?”

I thought it over for a moment, and realized quickly that I hadn’t been so passionate about something in… in years. I’d loved my job at Hum’s. It was something to do. Something to make the days go by without submitting completely to the numbness filling my bones. But this…working with my friends, trying to destroy the people who had ruined my life…

“You need to tell me how you got involved with Hybern, though. I want to know the whole story. I want to know what exactly it is you all do in this building before signing anything.”

Rhys looked to me for a few moments before saying, “Night Industries works security. Exactly like I explained to you: security detail, cybersecurity, infrastructure security, we do it all. We have real estate holdings, we have hundreds of investment projects. But security is our main focus.”

“Why?”

At that, Rhys smirked. “Because no one thinks the people that are protecting them actually listen in.”

“And by that you mean…?”

“Information, Feyre, costs more than any currency you can imagine. Secrets are worth more than a hundred kilograms of gold. Because they are leverage. Insight. A way into your enemy’s mind, the thread you pull for the fabric to fall apart completely. Nobody thinks the security guard in the front of the limo is listening in on their conversations about sly deals. Nobody thinks their security software is actually reporting back to the manufacturer whenever a new file is uploaded. Nobody thinks the guard at the museum party is noticing who walks into the bathroom with a married man for a quick fuck.”

I sat back for a moment, trying to process everything he was telling me.

“I first caught wind of Hybern’s dealings because I was the one who worked his security detail when he first came to Prythian. As soon as my people reported back, I realized that I was sitting on one of the biggest drug operations to ever enter Prythian. Days later I was in Hybern and Co’s office, speaking to Mr. Hybern himself, proposing a business plan for his future dealings here.”

“Why did you help him?”

“It’s easier to know your enemy by being their friend. But back then, I was stupid. I moved too fast. Before I knew it my guys were in the streets practically dealing the stuff themselves. By then I knew I was in too deep, and I tried to back out as quickly as possible. But they had me by the balls. Bookkeeping on which my name wouldn’t be erased if it ever came to light. Irrefutable incriminating evidence that would flush my life and my business down the drain.”

“How did you get out finally?”

At that, Rhys’s face completely shut down. He only said, “By chance. I saw my opportunity and got the fuck out of dodge.”

By the sound of his voice, I knew not to push him. I only said, “I’m in.”

The storm in his eyes cleared up at the words. “What?”

“Whatever it is, I’m in. I’ll do it.”

“Feyre,” Rhys said quietly, “take some time to think it over. It doesn’t have to be right away.”

“What would my position be?”

“For starters, you’d be my personal assistant. That office out there would be for you.”

“I have very limited experience working in offices.” I never wanted to think about that janitor’s closet ever again.

“I know,” Rhys hedged, “and it won’t be like that at all. We’ll start you off slow, get you used to our systems, help you work your way up. Cerridwen, Azriel’s assistant, will show you all the ropes. We’ll start you off on half-days and work you up from there. If ever you feel sick, tired, anything—you have the day off, no questions asked.”

I eyed him nervously. I couldn’t believe, in the course of two weeks, I had gone from Spring Corporations straight to their enemy, ready to accept a job offer two days after nearly ending it all.

“Like I said, take your time, Feyre.” Rhys said softly. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I’ll think about it.” I promised. “Over dinner tonight.” I added.

“Jesus Christ, I hoped you forgot.”

***

When we got home, I took a nap while Rhys cleaned up the main floor. He’d turned it into his office while he was working from home, despite the fact that he had a perfectly usable office upstairs. He said it was ‘too dark’ (despite the wall of windows it had), and I knew full well it was just because he wanted to keep an eye on me while I lounged on his couch reading and watching TV. As though I would try to suffocate myself to death with a pillow.

My alarm went off at seven, and I dragged myself to the bathroom to make myself look presentable. I donned some of the nicer clothes Mor had bought me, just jeans and a t-shirt, but each were soft and expensive looking, that made the guilt within me fester even more. For the first time in a while, I looked at myself in the mirror, and was terrified of the face who stared back.

I hadn’t noticed the thinness in my face until my cheeks had hollowed out and my skin was pale and white. My hair had begun falling out a while ago, coming out in heaps of strands in the shower, and it’d lost any traces of shine and glimmer that it originally held. Not to mention, my waist had thinned out as well, and my ribcage stood out starkly against my skin. The t-shirt, thank the Gods, was loose. All I had the energy to do was run a comb through my messy hair, brush my teeth and splash some water on my face. Though it wasn’t much of an improvement from before, at least it was something.

Downstairs, Rhys had cleaned up most of his mess, leaving behind only his computer on the corner of the coffee table before the TV. In the kitchen, the counter was clean, and something smelled glorious as the sounds of kernels popping emanated from the microwave.

“Popcorn?” Rhys wondered as he pulled the bag out and dumped the contents into a bowl. I nodded my head and pecked at a few kernels. My stomach, thankfully, did not protest at the buttery taste across my tongue.

At the edge of island were two games stacked atop one another: Pictionary and Monopoly. I raised my brows.

“My family takes game night very, very seriously. It doesn’t happen often. When it does, I always have to buy a new table.”

“A new table?”

The doorbell rang, and a look of misery overcame Rhys’s face. “Because someone always ends up flipping it.”

I stayed in the kitchen while Rhys wandered unhurriedly to the front entrance. Once the door opened, it was instant chaos that overtook the household. There was so much noise and voices that I could barely decipher who had walked in the door, only the fact that someone had wrapped in their arms. Cassian’s comforting scent enveloped me, and I sighed as I hugged him back, missing his cheerful spirit.

“Feyre! You could’ve at least given me some rent money before you left.”

I forced the best chuckle I could as he released me, and his full, toothy smile shined above me. Before I could even say anything his hand was already reaching for the popcorn. I guess Rhys hadn’t said much about my abrupt move out of his apartment, and I wasn’t sure if I preferred it that way.

A low voice sounded from behind me, “We brought pizza. Mor requested banana chilis, I’m sorry.” Azriel nodded to me, and I gave him my best impression of a grin. It didn’t work.

“It’s like you’re trying to burn off my tastebuds.” Cassian whined. Mor was already moving around the kitchen like a hurricane, plucking wine glasses from Rhys’s cabinets and pulling a bottle of rosé from her purse. She only replied to Cassian, “You’re one of the only ones here with an inkling of culture, honey. Your tastebuds should be adapted to spice by now.”

“I’m going to ignore that slightly racist comment. And remind you that you and Feyre are the minorities in this party.”

“Do you have anything strong, Rhys? I don’t know why they keep inviting me to these.” Amren commented. She’d already taken up a spot sitting on the kitchen counter. By the lack of looks she was getting, I guessed that was her usual seat.

“You’re the one that keeps showing up, Amren. Nobody’s forcing you.” Cassian argued.

Amren quipped, “You parked in front of my apartment building and threatened to honk all night until I got in with you. I don’t want a public disturbance added to my criminal record.”

Added? was all I could think to myself as Rhys pulled out a bottle of vodka. Amren smiled—well, smile was the best word for it, it was more like a wolf bearing its teeth. He poured her a knuckle’s length, and she knocked it back in one gulp. Rhys took one look at her and the bottle, then left it there for her on the counter. She poured herself another then kept it next to her, like a dragon guarding its trove.

“I know you don’t like talking about work at home, but I have to tell you one thing.” Azriel said.

Mor and Cassian both rolled their eyes at the same time (Mor tried to claim jinx, but Cassian refuted you can’t jinx something non-verbal). Rhys, though, was at full attention. In his hands was a glass of what looked like scotch. Suriel’s words kept playing in my mind, but I was thirsty—and a glass of wine wouldn’t hurt. Just something to ease me into this new dynamic. I stood and went to the pantry and grabbed a glass, then went to the fridge where I knew Rhys kept his stash of white wine.

Behind me, Azriel asked, “Do you trust her?”

The room was silent, save the sound of the wine pouring into my glass. Quietly, I put the cap on the bottle, then slid it back into the fridge side door. When I turned, five sets of eyes were turned to me. I only took a sip of my drink, then looked to Rhys.

“Do you?” I asked curiously. Rhys only exhaled sharply.

“Seeing as though I might be hiring miss Archeron, yes, I do trust her, Azriel.”

Cassian’s eyebrows lifted in excitement. “Seriously, Fey? You’re coming to work with us?”

The name threw me off, and I flinched. All I could see was his face, his and Lucien’s, the stupid nickname they’d called me for years. It only made me tilt back my glass, wanting to blur the lines of their faces until they were unrecognizable.

“I have not agreed to anything yet, so don’t get your hopes up.” I took another sip, then pinned Cassian with a look. But not the type that was antagonizing or joking. I stared at him, dead serious, and said, “Don’t call me that.”

Cassian blinked. Even Mor looked between the two of us, shocked, only for Cassian to say, “Message received.”

“I got a call this afternoon,” Azriel said, trying to clear the air as quickly as possible, “that they’ve arranged a meeting for next week.”

“Hybern and the mayor?”

Azriel shook his head. “No. The mayor and Spring Corporations. They’re having lunch at West Border.”

“So he’s taken over as Hybern’s coordinator?”

“More or less. The mayor trusts Ivy. They’ve made deals together in the past, the mayor’s profited off of a few strategic property investments. It would be too direct to get Hybern directly involved.”

There was nothing else to do but sip my wine. Anything but think about his kind features and golden hair. Because I knew those investments. The limited amount of information he’d shared with me, I remembered, was about the mayor’s dealings. I’d even been to one of those lunches with him, a year back, when they were discussing a new condo development on the east side.

“We can’t let that meeting happen,” Rhys said, “or we have to intercept it in some way.”

“What do you want us to do? Waltz in dressed as waiters and pull the fire alarm?” Cassian interjected.

Amren, seated at the kitchen counter, seemed like she was pondering the idea fondly.

“Can we hold this meeting tomorrow? I’m hungry for pizza. And Pictionary.” Mor said.

“That pizza is inedible.” Cassian grumbled, but picked up the boxes and wandered to the kitchen table anyways.

“That’s why the Gods gave your Neanderthal-self opposable thumbs to pick off the peppers.”

I took a seat at the table between Rhys and Mor. Cassian instantly dug into the pizza box, tearing away the red peppers with an animalistic furiousness before nearly inhaling the slice. Mor savoured her piece slowly, and I reluctantly took a bite. The peppers set my tongue on fire, and I washed it down with a sip of wine.

“Well?” Amren wondered, staring at her perfectly manicured nails. “Are we going to get this ridiculousness over or what?”

Azriel collected the Pictionary box from the kitchen island reluctantly and set it on the table, pulling away just in time before Cassian dug into the box, grease dripping from his fingers.

“Remember what I told you Feyre?” Rhys murmured beside me.

“Yup,” I said, “if anyone but Azriel wins, then they’re cheating.”

I finally finished Call Down the Hawk ! Here’s my first reaction (very spoilery!!!!) 

- On the whole I loved it. Loved most of the new characters, the themes, the more grown up vibe and the expanding worldbuilding. Is very clearly a set up, opening novel so a bit frustrating in the pacing but nothing major, just a lot more questions than answers. I just felt like it was still the start of the novel, rising tension and then boom ! the end. Had the same feeling with the Raven Boys tbh. But mostly I didn’t want it to end so soon. 

- this book is so sad ? but sad in a nuanced, gotta cope with it, adult sort of way. Like TRC was about a cool adventure quest, of course there were threats but it was full of magic and friendship and the thrill of becoming yourself and wanting *something more.*This is about stopping the end of the world and people having no good options and I can’t think of one main character in this book that isn’t like...subtly devastating. But it’s sad in a way that centers the agency of the protagonists and how much they care and how hard they’re trying, so it doesn’t feel fatalistic or gloomy. It’s just *arrrrrgh my heart*. They’re all trying so hard to cope but if they don’t find a better way to cope with their problems soon it’s going to kill them. Lol the young adult mood nowadays or what. 

- Ronan broke my heart, really. I loved that on one hand there are clear signs that he’s grown so much - he is able to show tenderness, to be open about his sexuality, he’s taken control of his dreaming to a point where he’s capable to help Hennessy - but at the same time he’s clearly depressed and he doesn’t know his place in the world and feels like everyone is moving on without him. Because the implications of his powers make it impossible for him to live a ‘normal’ life. Surviving your teenage years and self-acceptance is only the beginning ; then you have to deal with a world that isn’t made for you. He needs to find his people. This is just so, so relatable for a neuroatypical twenty-something...feels like a punch in the face. I am sooooo happy he found Hennessy and I can’t wait to see where their relationship goes. Worried about Bryde and how easily he could manipulate Ronan, though. Also, I am interested in the new sun symbolism attached to him - the kid permanently dressed in black with his ‘night horrors’ previously - now he’s making little lights/little suns everywhere in the guise of fireflies or floating flowers or little lights ; he has sundogs and a sun blade. Obviously there could be a link to the fire that is slated to destroy the world (and Kavinsky’s fire dragon !!!!) but it can also very much go in the direction of ‘stepping into the light’ and full life giving potential and sun-drenched tomatoes and happiness. MAN his arc in this trilogy is going to rock so hard i just cannot wait. 

- I just love Hennessy and her girls so, so much. The idea of living with clones of yourself is so fascinating to me...the fact that Hennessy struggles with the similarities with her mother, the artist who killed herself, and how caring for the girls seems to be a substitute for caring for herself, which she can’t manage. That scene in the bathroom...heartbreaking. Like can you imagine not being able to sleep for longer than 20 min ? That’s torture. Nod her relationship with Jordan, so complex. This idea of ‘my parallel universe self can live a better life than me if I keep all the self-hate’ ; of dreaming a better version of yourself. They care for each other so much but there is so much resentment being trapped in that state of being too. I wonder why Hennessy dreamed copies instead of something else : out of a need to be less alone with her plight ? To find others like her ? Or is it a darker ‘take her not me’ way to hide ? The fact that she gets a moon sword in the end (the moon being a reflection of the sun duh) makes this symbolism all the more present. Maybe she had this struggle of feeling like a copy of her mother, beautiful and wild and doomed and codependent on the man she loved. I can’t wait to see where this goes. I was just heartbroken that most of the girls had to die. Plus some bi rep yayyyyy (and more characters that are not white dudes ftw). It’s interesting that the Lace picked her specifically to torment ; I can’t help but feel it’s tied to that unsteady sense of self. Anyway, I really hope Hennessy gets to a place of love and self knowledge and self care and being surrounded by people who love her. I feel like her POV really underlines how tiring it can be to doubt yourself so constantly. 

- Declan Lynch ! Wow, I just love love love a POV switch that shows unsuspected depths about a previously disliked character. His arc is really *eldest sibling plight* taken to the extreme. Being boring for survival because you can’t afford to be a problem. Yup, extremely relatable too. It’s very refreshing because a lot of the MC of TRC have this ‘edgy cool we don’t like rules vibes’ which can come over as very immature (i meah duh they’re teens) and Declan had to grow up too fast and his sticking to the rules and trying to impose structure on Ronan’s life and completely draining his own life of any sense of joy or individuality, feels half like a survival technique half trauma response stemming from the terror of being given responsibilities at way too young an age and coping with the chaotic environment he grew up in and the constant threat of discovery. It’s like, textbook ‘child parentalization’ and it really sucks and Niall Lynch is an incredible asshole. And Ronan is pretty much stuck in father worship mode and turning all his anger towards Declan. The growth there...is going to be super therapeutic. And I love his thing with Jordan. Survival makes it impossible for them to be their true selves but they find something true together ? Aww. I can’t wait for them to be together at the Barns, which is really Romance Central in this universe. (I foresee angst too but ehhhh). And more art flirting and museum dates. 

- I also love how dream beings are getting more autonomy in this book. I think Declan distancing himself from Jordan in the end is this old complex about being non-magical and therefore inferior, but also because he doesn’t consider dreams to be real people capable of consent or interiority. I found the idea of Aurora Lynch always extraordinarily fucked up and in this book we learn it’s even worse - that she was basically a copy of Declan’s real mom ? Imagine growing up with that...no wonder he hates Niall. Though the idea of Mor O Corra doing the same thing is really intriguing, makes you wonder what the fuck happened there (was it a mutual decision ? was it a revenge thing ? Man their whole family is just so messed up lmao. But I just love the idea of Boudicca and the magical lady mob though.) And Matthew learning he is a dream and starting to deviating from his ‘happy but kind of dumb’ behavior in the previous books. He’s always been this previsible creature but now he isn’t and I feel like a big difference between him and Jordan was this knowledge. She has this knowledge of what she is and she immediately has more sense of self and agency and I feel that that’s a key theme of the book - knowledge, self knowledge. It’s basically what the ‘Call Down the Hawk’ title links to - Bryde talking about the man who turned into a falcon and then a hawk and learning so much about the world ; calling down the hawk would mean the man coming down and sharing this knowledge ; for Ronan it’s as well meeting and helping Hennessy ; so it’s about knowing your own nature through meeting people who are like you, as well. I love !!!!!

- Adam ! Not enough Adam in this book. I spent the book missing him, but that makes sense, because that’s the mindset Ronan is in. He represents what Ronan can’t have, and the Longing tm just permeates the whole book. Everytime he appears he’s just the epitome of cool, whether as dark academia vibes Harvard Student with his queer clique the Crying Club or Hot Motorcycle Boyfriend. He knows exactly what Ronan needs - understands his distrust when Ronan wonders if this is the Real Adam, tells him ‘go slow’ instead of just don’t, wants to take a look at Bryde to check the dude out, drives eight fucking hours on a motorcycle he can’t even drive properly to spend three hours with Ronan...he’s just like a dreamboat in this one lmao and after all the shit he went through in TRC...Therapeutic. But he is also increasingly distant and it’s so painful in a delicious way - the longing between characters who are already together but who are being kept apart by life is one of my fave angst tropes ever. Ronan wants to grow old with him and has romantic horny farmer dreams about him and the whole ‘tamquam alter idem’ thing...Boi i die that shit is just so...Romance tm. And I love how true to them it is, they’re achingly tender and yet there is still that strong chaotic shithead vibe between the two of them. Honestly the fight with the murder crabs was fucked up but made me laugh so much too. But then Ronan not being able to stay ? HEARTBREAKING. Ronan having Adam under ‘MANAGEMENT’ in his phone...really fucking funny but also feels like Ronan puts a sense of stability and direction in Adam and now that Adam is so distant...he feels extra vulnerable so he compensates with jokes. Ouch. Anyway I really want more about Adam and the Crying Club. Adam’s mix of cold, calculating pragmatism and compassion and understanding ? I love him so much, damn. I hope he’s a POV character in next book. I can see Ronan disappearing with Bryde and Adam looking for him, tbh. He’s too important to Ronan to stay on the periphery forever I hope. 

- the Carmen Farooq-Lane chapters were my least favorite, especially when she’s with Parsifal - it felt kind of repetitive. I feel like Maggie’s villain chapters are often sort of a weak point - the bad guys tend to be either ‘Vague Ominous Cosmic Horror Entity that wants to Destroy Everything’ (also often a terrifying reflection of mental health issues/existential terror) or ‘Evil Prep’ lmao, and I had the same feeling w the Whelk or Greenmantle chapters in TRC. That said, I feel like Farooq-Lane has potential. Her persistent self delusion about how she’s the good guy is fascinating. Her ‘evil sibling, obvious trauma hidden by politeness and cleanliness, probably is going to have a redemption arc’ thing feels very Gray Man. Her punching Ramsay moment was very ‘hell yeah’ and tbh I already ship her with Liliana - who feels a bit underdrawn at the moment too, but interesting potential. The Moderators, still, feel a bit too ‘generic lawful evil agency’ yet, but the concept is interesting. I really really love Bryde as an idea though. His speeches to Ronan are fascinating ; from one aspect they really illustrate a fascinating concept of the Earth coming back to real magic but from another, he sounds like a cult leader. Selling this idea to vulnerable people that their difference makes them special - and well Ronan and Hennessy definitely are, but does that make them better than other people ? Seen as how Ronan reacts to Declan, it feels like he would be vulnerable to that idea. Hennessy not so much ; I can see her accept Bryde’s help out of pure necessity maybe, but not be swayed by his lies. I really feel like they’re going to need each other. 

- So much cool worldbuilding...The Fairy Market concept is amazing (but also scary as shit right...like they’re selling people ? Probably dreams but that is still fucked up as hell ? Then again we’ve seen dreams die in pretty casual circumstances so the question is very much ‘so...what is personhood here?’). The idea of Visionaries is absolutely horrifying. Some people saying Adam could become one ? My god I’m not sure if I could stand those levels of angst. His ‘seeing the future of the world instead of people’ thing though...feels very compatible. Or at least like Adam could contrebalance the Visionaries’s visions somehow at the very least. Anyway, this is going to hurt. But it’s cool to have more answers ; the ending of TRC left a lot unexplained in my mind about the Lynch fam or why all those people wanted the Greywaren so bad etc. So this is very satisfying. 

- So Miss Maggie really went wanting to be normal at the expense of your true self is no way to live and also if you don’t create what you need to, you're going to die ? haha thanks for the callout i feel attacked. But honestly her saying that this was about the necessity and price of creation man I am soooo interested in where this is going to go next. All in all a stellar book, 10/10 would read again to overanalyze (yeah more than this even), most frustrating thing is waiting for the next one 

Throwing the Bouquet

A/N: Cos my best friend sent me this one post that talked about someone throwing the bouquet into Sans’ (Undertale) face, and I thought, what would be better than my fave emotionally constipated couple? hehe

Warnings: Fluff, frustration, swearing

Pairings: Jihan (JIsoo x Jeonghan), Jicheol (Jihoon x Seungcheol)

If you want a certain pairing or scenario you can ask me here!

It was THE day. The single biggest day of Jeonghan’s life, and the happiest day of Jisoo’s. They’d thrown the whole “groom can’t see the groom the day of the wedding” tradition out the window, because they’d be damned if they couldn’t see each other (also Jeonghan needed help with his tie).

“We’re really getting married,” Jisoo breathes, staring at themselves in the mirror, dressed in black and white suits, hair styled and makeup done.

Jeonghan grins at his fiancé, pressing a loving kiss to his lips. “Yeah, we are, and I can’t fucking wait, jagi,I love you so much,” he murmurs, kissing Jisoo again.

Jisoo responds eagerly, arms wrapping around Jeonghan’s neck, wanting more of his loving boyfriend/husband. Jeonghan groans, biting down softly on Jisoo’s plush bottom lip and–

“GUYS!!! WE HAVE A WEDDING TO ATTEND!! FUCK YOURSELVES SILLY A F T E R” Seungkwan screeches, slamming the door open and glaring at the two of them. “This is why there is tradition you horny assholes!!” he huffs, and Jeonghan winks. 

“Well I know my asshole is horny,” he chuckles, and Seungkwan makes a noise of frustration, shooing them out of the room and towards the ceremony.

Seungcheol snickers as he watches a flustered, flushed Jisoo walk out in his black tux, tie slightly askew. Jeonghan follows right after, looking the perfect picture of an angel, aside from his kiss-swollen lips and very obvious hard-on.

“Keep it in your pants Yoon, still gotta get through the ceremony, the same ceremony your grandmother is at,” Seungcheol reminds Jeonghan smugly, watching as Jeonghan curses and tries to readjust himself.

Jihoon shakes his head, turning to help Jisoo fix his crooked tie. “You sure you wanna marry this idiot?” he gestures to Jeonghan, whose hand is in his pants to… readjust himself.

Jisoo laughs lightly, eyes filled with love and adoration as he stares at his soon-to-be husband.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure,” he sighs fondly, and Jihoon feels a twinge of jealousy. He craves for a relationship like theirs, but his job as a producer means far too many late nights, and not enough time to date. His eyes follow Seungcheol, who looks impeccable as usual. His platinum hair is slicked back, and his tailored suit hugs all his best features sinfully.

Jihoon can’t help but think about Seungcheol’s shoulders, about how broad they look in his blazer, how strong his arms look with the fabric sitting just that little bit too tight, and god, the way his pants hug his ass, full and perky an–

“Hoonie, you’re drooling,” Jisoo snickers, and Jihoon shakes himself, wiping at his mouth just in case.

“Shut up, let’s go,” he huffs, ears tipped tomato red. “You’re the bride, gotta be waiting to walk to the altar and all that jazz.”

Jisoo bursts into laughter, and Jihoon grumbles unintelligibly about stupid American friends, pointing silently at the spot Jisoo’s supposed to stand when the wedding march starts up.

Jeonghan fidgets at the altar, waiting for his beloved to appear at the end of the room.

“You saw him like twenty seconds ago, relax,” Seungcheol nudges Jeonghan, who just takes a shuddering breath to try and calm his racing heart.

Only to have it knocked out of him when he sees his husband-to-be appear, cheeks flushed with excitement and happiness.

It feels collectively like forever and not any time at all. Before Jeonghan realizes the priest is calling them man and husband. Jisoo grins shyly at Jeonghan, eyes sparkling with love and happiness.

“You may kiss the groom,” he announces, and Jeonghan tugs Jisoo close, pressing his lips against his husband’s lips.

“I love you,” Jisoo whispers against Jeonghan’s lips, and the elder (by only 2 months!) grins back, whispering back to his newlywed husband.

His husband!!! Holy shit!!!

Seungcheol shoots Jihoon a glance, and the groomsman’s ears turn bright pink. He grins to himself, satisfied with knowing that he has some sort of effect on the young producer.

The ceremony quickly moves to the ballroom where the reception is held. The drinks and food are free flow, and some of the guests have wandered to look at the spread offered. The newlyweds however, first have a very important task.

Jisoo holds his bouquet on stage, ready to throw it to the group of bridesmaids and groomsmen gathered below. There’s chatter and gentle ribbing over who will catch the arrangement of colourful hydrangeas, but before Jisoo can turn around, a gentle hand stops him.

“Let’s switch things up babe,” Jeonghan coos, taking the bouquet from Jisoo. “I’ll do the bouquet toss,” he promises, wicked glint in his eye.

Jisoo suppresses a giggle, turning around to announce the news...

Only for Jeonghan to throw it.

Right in Seungcheol’s face.

Jihoon panics next to Seungcheol, and reacts instinctively, catching the bouquet that bounces off his ‘date’s’ face. The Daegu native flails for a moment, tossing it in the air, stunned as he stares at the hydrangea petals scattered around him.

“Oh, would you look at that! Looks like you’re next, Cheol!” Jeonghan proclaims, congratulating his best friend dramatically. Jisoo snorts with laughter, shooting Seungcheol a sharp look, eyes darting between him and Jihoon.

“You know the rules! bouquet catchers have the first dance!” Seungkwan crows triumphantly, dragging Seungcheol and Jihoon out onto the dance floor.

Seungcheol lets him, dazed and also confused – how does someone like Seungkwannie have so much strength?!

The younger practically throws them onto the dance floor, hissing to Seungcheol to man the fuck up and ask him out.

The music starts, and they stand together awkwardly, Seungcheol’s hands hovering over Jihoon’s waist and hip. They move in a circle, dancing as far away from each other as socially acceptable. Seungcheol can feel eyes boring into his back, and he just knows it’s Jisoo and Jeonghan.

Stupid, meddling newlyweds in love, he thinks to himself, brow furrowing slightly. Jihoon stops, staring up at Seungcheol.

“Is something wrong?” Jihoon asks, and Seungcheol’s heart nearly stops from how fucking cute he looks like that.

“Do-do you wanna-maybe- uh-go for a plate? i mean date? its like fate right i mean-”

Jihoon stares at him, eyes wide and unmoving.

... welp you fucked up.

“...Yes....” Jihoon stammers, ears turning beet red and hiding his face in Seungcheol’s chest.

Jeonghan snorts, tugging Jisoo closer so they can eavesdrop, watching the mess that was their two best friends.

“Don’t fake that hesitancy you imp just be happy about it already,” Jisoo snickers, and Jeonghan bursts into laughter, spinning Jisoo away before his savage husband embarrasses them even more.

Jihoon turns even redder, cheeks and ears so hot Seungcheol thinks he can feel it through his suit. He runs his hands through Jihoon’s hair soothingly, telling him it’s okay, but he can’t hide the excited grin on his face.

Jihoon said yes, holy fucking shit he said yes!!!

Please like reblog and comment i read them all and it makes me happy!

☄ ♞ ღ

☄ your favourite da:i codex entry

boyyyy da:i has the best codex entries in the series hands down, which is saying a lot b/c the lore for dragon age has always been fun to read. i loved all the entries in trespasser, given how many of my headcanons they confirmed

i’m going to go with one that, while i had these thoughts pre-trespasser, informed my opinions of solas and what he considers worth remembering based upon what elvhenan thought was worth putting in a library. among other things about solas:

The pages of this book—memory?—describe a pair playing, colliding in the air, bodies formed for kissing, stroking lines of heat as molten as the sun. The dance is fluid, roiling, never ending, lovers tangled in a laughing knot that rolls on for years, a promise never to be parted, whatever ages come.

An annoyed thought intrudes, from one who marked this memory after it was recorded:

“By the gods, find a private chamber!”

this codex is kind of simple, but also very informative? for one, these two are kissing for years, which when you think about solas in a relationship post-veil kinda makes me sad when i think about how much he would’ve loved to have this life for himself and ian if he hadn’t fucked up a whole bunch. it’s a simple thing that was lost when the veil was created, and time flowed and a linear pace.

also i’ve talked before about how when solas loves history, he isn’t just talking about big battles or moments that change history, which as someone who has studied history: that is what most white cis dude historians are into. i had to watch for two semesters senior year as this one dude struggled to find something original to talk about for his senior thesis for general patton when it’d have been easier to find something if he focused on something else in ww2. solas’s tendency to focus upon memories of ppl who aren’t remembered is just another reason i take issue wen anti-solas ppl try to characterise him as MRA-ish, but that’s a story for another meta.

what i was going with here is this: elvhenan thought this memory worth preserving, it’s still there even after some intern had to categorise it and write a finding aid and all that fun stuff. reading this and other memories from the vir dirthara, it’s honestly no wonder solas delights in memories of spirits of love playing matchmaker or baking.

♞ your favourite da:i mount

i already answered my fave, which is the tiddles majoris war nug, but i’m also very fond of the wild hart. it’s what merrill rides in my inquisitor pt. it’s bright purple and she loves it very much.

ღ your favourite da:i banter

me: don’t do a solas banterme @ me: don’t tell me what to do

Solas: How do you feel, Iron Bull? Do you need a distraction to focus your mind?

Iron Bull: Well, this area’s low on dancing girls, sadly.

Solas: King’s pawn to E4.

Iron Bull: You’re shitting me. We don’t even have a board!

Solas: Too complicated for a savage Tal-Vashoth?

Iron Bull: (Grumbles.) Smug little asshole. Pawn to E5.

Solas: Pawn to F4. King’s Gambit.

Iron Bull: Accepted. Pawn takes pawn. Give me a bit to get the pieces set in my head. Then we’ll see what you’ve got.

i love this whole set of banter b/c of how much it shows you about both bull and solas. solas using underhanded schemes, sacrificing his queen, distracting with a pawn, while the bishop wins the game. bull moves more as a unit, it’s the sort of fight i can only imagine both have fought before, strategies that have won them battles.

but i also love this banter b/c it shows how even if solas gets very angry at bull when arguing with him about the qun (probably the angriest he gets in banter– and i think this is b/c he knows how smart bull is and how close he is to breaking out of the toxic things the qun has taught him) he still has a pretty close friendship with him. other banter he answers questions for bull that he doesn’t when blackwall answers. also since ori discussed how solas helps cole calm down before a panic attack sets in, i’m going to discuss how solas was trying to help bull here.

he knows one of bull’s fears is the savagery of the tal-vashoth, and by playing mind chess with him he’s letting bull prove to himself that his mind is as sharp as ever. i just rly love bull and solas a lot, they’re both very smart people, and i think ppl don’t give their friendship in tal-vashoth bull pts enough credit.

broadway stans

you heard me right, i’m about to call out a complete group of people that are so conceded in their superiority to everyone else that they’ll deny this! in all honesty, there’s exceptions to the horror of the stans in the community that adore broadway, but some of them, most of them, are a display of a train wreck.

there’s no rule saying you can’t love broadway or the actors that are apart of building the shows. but there’s a rule you learn, or at least should, when you’re very young that one must treat others how they wish to be treated. and for some reason, these people don’t get that?

not just respect for the goddamn actors, but the new stans that want to be apart of the fun. it’s tempting to see these cliques of girls and guys always stagedooring and being best friends with an actor or actress, but when approached by a new fan, they would turn their back on them in a second.

it’s all sweet nothings and sugar coated tweets and posts about how much they love their friends and shit. would they even know how to open their arms to a new person? who only, gasp, likes three shows that are basic and scream they’re not a true broadway fan?!

that’s the other thing. no one is a true broadway fan until they’ve experienced at least a certain number of shows live, have physically met their faves five hundred times, and have a collection of a thousand playbills displayed in an aesthetically appealing way according to these superior assholes. for some reason, you also have to be starring as the lead in your school’s show or local theatre to even be considered worthy of any attention. it’s an indirect, non stated list of rules that are implied in their posts. if you don’t fit in those categories, if you don’t have a group of people to constantly fish about and hang out in nyc with - then you’re irrelevant!

let’s talk about how thick headed some of these people are when it comes to their privilege in seeing so many shows, meeting their beloved actors, and basically living in nyc. i’ve seen numerous girls cry over the day they meet some white guy and how much they had in common and be so overwhelmed in happiness it fills my entire stream. they’re having a splendid time, nothing wrong with that until their ass starts sobbing that nobody loves them and they miss their faves.

psa to all! some people NEVER meet their faves. some people NEVER see a single show live. some people can’t buy fifty playbills a week. some people don’t HAVE that privilege, so it’s time these girls and guys got a wake up call that reminded them how blessed they are to even step foot in the city.

speaking of “faves,” it would be wrong of me to look over the fact that there’s always a “mega stan” or a person who is just suddenly proclaimed the “biggest stan of all.” that is, if they’ve met this person and constantly talk about them and just love love love them. because of those achievements, they’re the one with the title of the best stan.

that’s a whole lot of bullshit. there’s hundreds of people that love that person. not just this “biggest stan”. even if someone hasn’t met them or given them boxes of gifts, it doesn’t mean they’re any less than that person. actors appreciate all their fans, in case you didn’t know. not one person in particular. sure, they hold memories with certain people, but it’s awfully shitty to have this concept that one person has full rights above all to be the only one that loves this actor or actress endlessly.

it’s funny how skewed the theatre community gets when it comes to stanning people. we’re supposed to be connected and not against one another. just because someone insults the person you love doesn’t mean you hold grudges. it means you need to listen and move on. it means you broadway stans far and wide need to fucking get some thick skin. it’s not all about you, darlings. theatre is about being accepting, so it’s about time these privileged, whiny kiddos learned a lesson or two.

I honestly wish people wers allowed to be indifferent to characters and ships. You don't have to come up with a bunch of reasons why you don't really like them, you can just move the fuck on.

Girl, I feel this so hard tbh! Fandom culture on tumblr has basically gotten rid of any ability to be indifferent, or be subjective, or like have a personal opinion about ~anything~ with out someone taking it as a personal insult against them somehow, or arguing with you, or sending you anon hate, or making a vague/call out post about you, or something fun like that. It’s obnoxious. 

Any time I talk about why I love a favorite character, I literally feel like I am a defense attorney making a closing argument for someone accused of capital murder. It gets to the point sometimes where fandom honestly feels like homework. I don’t even bother talking publicly about stuff I don’t necessarily like or the reasons why. Partly because it’s just not how I like to spend my time, but also because it’s just always an absolute nightmare.

Now instead of saying “I like this character/ship because I find them entertaining and engaging, or I really relate to their POV, or they are hot and I want them to bang, or I just do” you have to come up with like an exhaustive laundry list of not only why they are a good character, but also of all their flaws so you aren’t “white washing them” or “romanticizing them” or whatever. And instead of saying “I don’t like this character/ship because there are things about them that bother me or make me uncomfortable, or I don’t really like those characters together, or it just doesn’t do anything for me, or I just don’t” you have to come up with all these moralistic accusations as to why they are The Worst. 

And there is no in-between either, your either a stan or an anti. The minute you criticize a character or say anything remotely negative about them, you’re a hater. The minute you praise them, you’re glorifying them and obviously saying they have never done anything wrong ever in their fictional lives. From what I can tell, being an anti or a stan probably takes more mental dedication and effort that I’ve ever given anything in my entire life; INCLUDING the Bar Exam. But those terms get thrown around all the time along with all kinds of other moralistic accusations and buzzwords. There’s this mentality that people not only owe you their reasons for liking or disliking something, but also that you have any right to tell them those reasons are or aren’t acceptable. I mean discussion and debate is one thing, but that’s rarely ever what the response is. There is no more subjectively enjoying or not enjoying things. It’s all about being the most right and the most meta and the most morally justified. It always has to be A Thing™. 

It’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it? Because we would never operate like this irl… For example, I absolutely fucking hate skiing. And I have plenty of what I consider to be very valid, personal reasons for hating skiing: I hate the cold, I hate having to wear big coats, I have terrible balance so I fall a lot and falling on ice hurts like a sonofabitch, being cold SUCKS, my lips and skin get chapped really easily, I have TERRIBLE knees and ankles which don’t help the falling situation, it reminds me how out of shape I am, ski lifts aren’t my fave, the helmets are super uncomfortable, I really fucking HATE the cold, ect. and so forth. I just don’t like it, it’s not fun for me, I have my reasons, and I will gladly tell any of this to anyone who asks. But no one is going to like, call me from a blocked number to anonymously start an argument with me, or jump in to call me an misogynistic asshole and fail at life, or tell me all my reasons are made up and I only just hate it because I stan the beach or ship snowboarding instead, or refuse to talk to me or be my friend anymore or anything like that because I hate skiing. 

Everything about our preferences is subjective. You get a subjective outlook simply from being alive and having experiences in the world. There really is no such thing as being completely subjective, especially in regards to our likes and dislikes. That’s not how life works… But on here for some reason it does and yeah, it’s exhausting af.

okay well @melodymeddler​ has asked me to do All of my ocs so here we go! (it’s under a readmore so you dont have my children clogging your dash)

galatea

Full Name: galatea lol Gender and Sexuality: demigirl, polysexual & polyamorous Pronouns: she/her or they/them Ethnicity/Species: gerudo  Birthplace and Birthdate: uhhhh Desert and november 4th Guilty Pleasures: she’s a good person usually but sometimes ya just gotta be Morally Ambiguous, ya feel? Phobias: losing her control of herself, death What They Would Be Famous For: saving the world!! What They Would Get Arrested For: stealing shit like cmon honey OC You Ship Them With: narei! OC Most Likely To Murder Them: probably dhulsaei but it’d be like a huge misunderstanding lol Favorite Movie/Book Genre: action/adventure. like tomb raider because That Her Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: when there are love triangles! she’s like “date both of them asshole!” Talents and/or Powers: very stealthy, agile, and acrobatic. can also talk her way out of anything Why Someone Might Love Them: the snark is real, has the wittiest retorts Why Someone Might Hate Them: bc she started as part of an oc/canon character ship lol How They Change: she learns not to rush headlong into things and learns that she’s not infallible. she also learns not to judge things by appearances like she hates when people do to her Why You Love Them: she was one of my first ocs that i started developing independently! i’ve really got a soft spot for her

narei: 

Full Name: prince narei (i’m not sure that gerudo have last names? so he doesnt have one lol) Gender and Sexuality: cis male, pansexual Pronouns: he/him Ethnicity/Species: gerudo Birthplace and Birthdate: Nonspecific Gerudo Village (not gerudo valley tho), july 13th Guilty Pleasures: romance novels Phobias: he’s really scared of cold. he doesn’t have much experience with it and fears that his limbs will fall off. What They Would Be Famous For: being a somewhat okay leader (with help) What They Would Get Arrested For: dark magic (he did apologize though) OC You Ship Them With: galatea (it’s mostly one-sided though) OC Most Likely To Murder Them: dhulsaei, but only if he’s actively endangering someone Favorite Movie/Book Genre: he says it’s action/adventure but, like i said before, the boy loves a good romance novel Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: miscommunication (you can catch him in his quarters screaming “JUST TELL HER” into his pillow. he should take his own advice) Talents and/or Powers: dark magic, swordfighting, handsomeness Why Someone Might Love Them: he honestly tries his best? most of the things that happen to him are not his fault (key word there: most) Why Someone Might Hate Them: he does a lot of things without thinking through them first, including spouting some pretty sexist ideology. however, he does grow past this, and it’s an important part of his character arc to me How They Change: he learns to look at all perspectives of an issue before taking it on, and he does a lot of introspection over his arc that helps him move more towards where he really wants to be Why You Love Them: he and galatea are my two favorite ocs because of how different they are tbh. i love putting them in situations where their differences complement each other and honestly i love how galatea helps him to be a better person. i just. yes

hokulani: 

Full Name: hokulani iona  Gender and Sexuality: cis female, bisexual Pronouns: she/her Ethnicity/Species: native alolan/hawaiian Birthplace and Birthdate: hau’oli city, march 16th Guilty Pleasures: fatty starchy foods. they’re not good for her but they’re good for her soul Phobias: being forgotten, not being able to speak up for herself What They Would Be Famous For: winning All the Medals in the paralympics! What They Would Get Arrested For: being young and reckless and accidentally doing something illegal OC You Ship Them With: a little bit with noelani but not really OC Most Likely To Murder Them: i don’t honestly think any of my ocs would? Favorite Movie/Book Genre: generic sports movies. she adores space jam with her whole soul Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: she hates rivalries, actually. she wants them to be friends Talents and/or Powers: she has incredible stamina, even though she’s in a wheelchair. she’s also very strong and will beat you in arm wrestling always Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s cute and determined lol Why Someone Might Hate Them: because she rushes in and does dumb things, and then is stubborn about how the thing she did was the right thing How They Change: i think she learns to accept her disability over the course of the island challenge, and she begins to see that she can do amazing things while being in a wheelchair (because she can!!) Why You Love Them: because i love paired ocs and she and noelani are my faves

noelani: 

Full Name: noelani kalani Gender and Sexuality: cis female, bi Pronouns: she/her Ethnicity/Species: native alolan/hawaiian Birthplace and Birthdate: iki town, march 16th  Guilty Pleasures: she likes to have coffee and chocolate past 9pm despite her insomnia Phobias: bugs. anything that is creepy crawly is a no from her. What They Would Be Famous For: her dance skills! she’s primarily a ballet dancer but she does other styles as well, and she’s very skilled as a ballerina :D What They Would Get Arrested For: being accomplice to something hokulani did OC You Ship Them With: a lil with hokulani OC Most Likely To Murder Them: mihlanna probably Favorite Movie/Book Genre: you know those horse movies everyone makes fun of? those are noelani’s favorite. Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: not sure this is a particular cliche, but she gets very bad secondhand embarrassment, so much that she’ll have to turn off the tv/stop reading and just walk around for a while to shake it off Talents and/or Powers: very skilled dancer, abnormally good balance even for a dancer Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s not the type of person who you’d expect to take the island challenge. she seemed to be content where she was, but she journeyed with hokulani anyway. Why Someone Might Hate Them: honestly? bc i have like no experience writing hawaiian/hawaiian-coded characters and i’m probably going to fuck it up at least six times (side note pleeeease tell me if anything i ever say is offensive because that is not my intent and i want to be the best person i possibly can <3) How They Change: noelani learns not to judge things by her first impression of them. for example she thought hokulani wouldn’t be able to do anything except sit at home after her accident, and yet they traveled across all of alola together! she also learns that when hokulani is set on something it will be done no matter the collateral damage lol Why You Love Them: she was the oc i made when primarina was first announced <3 i love dance, even though i’m not too good at it myself, so i love having an oc who’s good at dancing too.

camille belrose:

Full Name: camille adelaide belrose Gender and Sexuality: cis female, straight Pronouns: she/her Ethnicity/Species: kalosian/french Birthplace and Birthdate: coumarine city, june 16th Guilty Pleasures: chocolates and sugary things which are bad for her figure but FUCK when you’re crying about augustine sycamore at 3 am you need a box of russell stovers Phobias: bugs, if it crawls she hates it (except araquanid) What They Would Be Famous For: covering a huge story What They Would Get Arrested For: going the extra mile for a scoop (i shit you not she’s climbed fences before) OC You Ship Them With: none OC Most Likely To Murder Them: hokulani if only because they’d disagree on everything Favorite Movie/Book Genre: rom-coms Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: when an “ugly” girl is just a pretty brunette with a curvy figure? like what the fuck? Talents and/or Powers: would do anything to get paid. anything. Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s arguably the most fashion-forward of my ocs and you wouldn’t catch her dead in something un-coordinated Why Someone Might Hate Them: she’s stuck up as fuuuuuuuck. also started as a canon character/oc like galatea lol How They Change: she becomes less snobby and more appreciative of the things around her Why You Love Them: because i love making her swear in french it’s my favorite thing

aria:

Full Name: ariadne jane raptis Gender and Sexuality: demigirl, straight Pronouns: she/her or xe/xir Ethnicity/Species: whatever the pokemon equivalent of greek is/sinnoh! Birthplace and Birthdate: twinleaf town, march 21st (i have a lot of pisces ocs holy shit) Guilty Pleasures: making people angry. it’s the one thing that keeps her sane Phobias: death, deep water What They Would Be Famous For: winning the most fucking super contests ever holy shit What They Would Get Arrested For: honestly? public intoxication, but not until she’s way older OC You Ship Them With: none OC Most Likely To Murder Them: mihlanna or cerys Favorite Movie/Book Genre: high fantasy this girl has a billion d&d characters Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: when humans are always portrayed as the default race. like no tell her about gnomes please Talents and/or Powers: empath, very good at sewing, has a nice team of pokemon Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s adorable and also only five feet tall Why Someone Might Hate Them: she gets angry extremely easily and takes it out on everything around her How They Change: she learns how to work with other people without destroying entire towns in the process! Why You Love Them: sinnoh is the best region fight me.

cheyenne solberg:

Full Name: cheyenne rose solberg Gender and Sexuality: agender, pan Pronouns: they/them Ethnicity/Species: mixed native/white Birthplace and Birthdate: goldenrod city, august 13th Guilty Pleasures: pop music (it’s the same four chords but it’s so catchy) Phobias: losing their friends, dying alone What They Would Be Famous For: writing the best jazz cello repertoire known to man What They Would Get Arrested For: not caring enough and accidentally walking out of the house without a shirt on OC You Ship Them With: estelle!!!!!!! estelle!!!!!!! OC Most Likely To Murder Them: sylharice, she doesn’t see how they can just not care Favorite Movie/Book Genre: horror Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: when the girl in the horror movie is a dumbass. like please Talents and/or Powers: mad cello skills, unyielding love for their gf Why Someone Might Love Them: they’re incredibly critical but also extremely appreciative of music Why Someone Might Hate Them: they don’t care enough. at all How They Change: i like to think that they learn to care a little lol Why You Love Them: i just made them yesterday and i love them!!!!!!!

estelle beaumont:

Full Name: estelle louise beaumont Gender and Sexuality: demigirl, lesbian Pronouns: she/her Ethnicity/Species: kalosian Birthplace and Birthdate: lumiose city, july 18th Guilty Pleasures: cute violin/cello duets with her enbyfriend!! Phobias: cheyenne losing interest in her (which will never happen) What They Would Be Famous For: being the best violinist! What They Would Get Arrested For: doing something illegal to stop cheyenne from doing something illegal OC You Ship Them With: cheyenne!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OC Most Likely To Murder Them: galatea Favorite Movie/Book Genre: horror Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: jumpscares! she’ll be clinging to cheyenne nonstop Talents and/or Powers: very good violin girl, looks at things big-picture Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s a sweetheart holy shit???? Why Someone Might Hate Them: because she’s one of those “all sides” people who insists everyone gets a voice How They Change: she learns that some people just need to shut up. Why You Love Them: listen i made her and cheyenne yesterday they’re the greatest

sylharice amastacia:

Full Name: sylharice amastacia Gender and Sexuality: trans woman, gay as fuck Pronouns: she/her Ethnicity/Species: high elf Birthplace and Birthdate: somewhere in the wild, march 4th Guilty Pleasures: her flaw is “i can’t resist a pretty face”. she is quite literally too gay to function Phobias: losing her agency What They Would Be Famous For: creating the hit single “call me maybe but with all the pronouns changed to make it super gay” What They Would Get Arrested For: adultery....oops OC You Ship Them With: there’s a character in her backstory named diantha who she’s very much in love with but also diantha’s married so that’s a Bad OC Most Likely To Murder Them: dhulsaei Favorite Movie/Book Genre: smut novels Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: badly written foreplay Talents and/or Powers: she’s a very talented bard! she likes her rapier.  Why Someone Might Love Them: such a beautiful gay bard  Why Someone Might Hate Them: because i suck at using my offensive spells i’m sorry d&d group How They Change: i’m anticipating some coming-to-terms with the whole adultery thing in the future Why You Love Them: fuck dude i love playing gay bards

dhulsaei:

Full Name: dhulsaei aurelia doesn’t have a last name because her father was a rando Gender and Sexuality: demigirl, bisexual Pronouns: she/her Ethnicity/Species: sylph Birthplace and Birthdate: rugged reef, she can’t remember Guilty Pleasures: her vice is alcohol. she’s like always drunk Phobias: being controlled What They Would Be Famous For: saving the world with her posse What They Would Get Arrested For: public intoxication without a doubt OC You Ship Them With: i highkey ship her with @melodymeddler‘s oc leo lol OC Most Likely To Murder Them: sylharice probably Favorite Movie/Book Genre: epic plays Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: when there’s an improperly translated bit of language/bilingual characters written terribly Talents and/or Powers: sylphy shit, very good at stealthing, way smarter than she looks Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s cute, she has a british accent, and she’s almost never sober. what’s not to love Why Someone Might Hate Them: she says she’s neutral good but she’s more on the chaotic side of that alignment How They Change: she’s learning that snooping on her party’s things can sometimes lead to bad things. also that if you challenge a boat to a drinking contest, you will lose and get turned into a dog. multiple times. Why You Love Them: i love playing dhulsaei holy shit. it’s all the me i’ll never be

kit willoughby:

Full Name: katrina carlotta willoughby (call them anything but kit and they’ll murder you) Gender and Sexuality: agender, bi Pronouns: they/them Ethnicity/Species: half-elf Birthplace and Birthdate: a port town, august 1st Guilty Pleasures: self insert fics Phobias: crashing and dying horrifically What They Would Be Famous For: a cool and daring expedition! What They Would Get Arrested For: flying in a no-fly zone OC You Ship Them With: none  OC Most Likely To Murder Them: dhulsaei, they’d get into a stubborn-off Favorite Movie/Book Genre: action/adventure Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: when flying is written poorly, and they know Talents and/or Powers: they’re only a recruit right now but they know their shit (spoilers: they don’t but they defo act like they do) Why Someone Might Love Them: they’re spunky and resilient! Why Someone Might Hate Them: they do things without thinking them through fully. a lot. How They Change: they learn that they’re not always gonna be right, and that dying isn’t really that bad. Why You Love Them: full disclosure: they’re 100% a self-insert oc. i don’t give a fuck tho

Teen Titans #6

Nobody wants Aqualad on the team. NOBODY!

I guess whoever escaped was in prison for fucking puppies and butterflies.

The Review! The issue begins with Damian watching a news report about the escaped convicts. The report immediately goes from the convicts to shark attacks being up four hundred percent. So that means there have been, like, four shark attacks this year? I suppose there could be more if she's just talking about shark attacks in general along the entire coast of California. But I'm assuming she specifically means the Bay Area. Why would the Teen Titans care if people were being eaten by sharks in San Diego? That's not their territory! Let Animal Man take care of that shit. Anyway, that probably means the shark attacks and the prison break have more in common than anybody suspects. Was King Shark ever arrested for fucking puppies and butterflies? Damian is spending quality time with Goliath because, in comic book terms, Goliath isn't a boring pet. I'd like to see Damian have some loving interactions with Batcow. I'm beginning to think he takes Batcow for granted.

If Benjamin Percy hadn't written so many comic books about how racism is bad, I might look side-eye at that "yo."

Remember how Vibe was written in the eighties? Sometimes white male writers trying to write an authentic minority character stray a little too far into the field of stereotypes. Unless Percy just thinks adding "yo" to the end of a statement is just how young people speak. I can accept that. What I can't accept is that he wants to try to capture how young people speak. It's impossible! It's so unauthentic in so many ways that you'd be better off not to bother. Using terms to identify with a particular group isn't the sole territory of young people, of course. Everybody does it to prove their in-group credentials. I mean, I don't, of course! I'm so unique, I make up my own words! That's probably why nobody can fucking understand my intelligent and wise digressions.

Is throwing up in my mouth due to the phrase "mouth orgasm" a mouth orgasm? Because if it is, I am spent.

Beast Boy serves a vegetarian meal because it's his turn to cook. Everybody disrespects his decision and Wally runs off to steal some pizzas. What a bunch of assholes. It's one night per week! Fucking respect Beast Boy's dietary choices! Granted, his tofu platter might be terrible. But it isn't terrible simply because it's tofu. Nobody even tastes it to see if it's any good! It looks like deep fried tofu chunks in some kind of curry sauce. And if that's what it is, I'll have seconds! After my mouth wakes up from the nap caused by the orgasm. After lunch, Titans Island is invaded by a reporter seeking a totally non-hit piece about the new group of heroes bringing serious danger to San Francisco residents while selfishly blocking those residents' ocean view. I hope she makes them look terrible! Her name is Bonnie Chung and she's probably a devotee of Brother Blood. That's how things work in Teen Titans comic books, right?! Bonnie, live on the air, calls the West Coast "the Best Coast." She also says the Teen Titans tower is "the freshest, hottest, superhero pad on the planet." She must be the member of staff who does the local fluff pieces to make it seem like their city is the most exciting city to live in. Also, she might be a fraud because she works for KARE Channel 7. Excuse me, comic book. But I grew up in the Bay Area and Channel 7 is KGO. This comic book is so unrealistic. Beast Boy gives Bonnie a tour of Titans Tower while proving he's a lech and an asshole who can't go two minutes without sexually harassing a female member of the team or humiliating a male member. Some people reading might think he's hilarious. But then those people don't have to live with him. I wonder how many pairs of Raven's panties he has hidden under his mattress? I was going to say "Starfire's panties" but I doubt she wears them. Also, panties. That word is almost as ludicrous as finger-banging and lovemaking. Meanwhile in landlocked New Mexico, Aqualad is fucking with his poor fish! He's all, "I have power over you! Ah ha ha ha! Bend to my will!" Also, his name is Jackson Hyde. That has to be one of the most dangerous last names. How many Hydes die each year when a maniac or tiger is running loose on the streets and somebody yells, "Hide! Hide!" Everybody hides but the Hyde is all, "Yeah? What dude?", as he casually turns and gets brutally devoured or chopped up, respectively. I mean, non-respectively, unless the maniac is a cannibal and the tiger has carving knives tied to its paws.

He's trying hard to be different because he's a teenager! Duh!

So Aqualad is gay. The above panel is the third panel after he's been introduced. You have to get that sexuality thing out there as quickly as possible before all the heteros start believing the character is one of them by default. Percy's reveal here is as good a way to do it as I've seen even if the writer part of me always bristles at the way sexuality has to be mentioned as quickly as possible. Since it's an unseen component of a person's make-up, it obviously needs to be mentioned to be known. Remember, there were decades and decades of comic books where gay characters just didn't exist and gay fans just had to read into every detail as best they could to find a hero they could point to and say, "See? Totally gay!" If sexuality isn't mentioned, the status quo will assume heterosexuality. At some point in the future, writers will be able to introduce a team of young superheroes without instantly calling out which ones like to fuck which other ones and people reading won't automatically assume they're all hetero. It'll be a much more exciting time of fan speculation and intrigue because non-hetero sexuality won't be taboo; it will just be accepted. Until then, just get used to somebody pointing out that a character isn't heterosexual as quickly as possible. Look, there's still some mystery to what Aqualad's penis is up to. He might also like to fuck women! And fish!

How about keeping him safe by backing his play and flipping the fuck out on anybody who disrespects him rather than trying to convince him to not be the best Jackson Hyde he can be? Which — let's face it — isn't going to be that great considering he's Aqualad.

Meanwhile back at the interview slash tour, Bonnie Chung is all, "This was a great interview. It's totes going to go viral! You're going to be so famous!" Then she disappears into the Bay, hopefully to never be seen again because she's been eaten by a shark. Oh, that interruption didn't last long. And I guess Beast Boy didn't care that Bonnie disappeared under the water because the scene shifts back to New Mexico where Aqualad is already talking about the Teen Titans tour video that went viral (I guess KARE didn't really care either? They have a whole hour between five and six that they need to fill!). Some hero Beast Boy turned out to be! Did he forget he could have turned into a penguin and followed after her? Sure, he didn't see her disappear under the water. But he did see her scarf lying on the water. He couldn't even bother to investigate? So back in New Mexico where Aqualad has seen the viral video and is all jazzed about maybe being a Teen Titan, he decides to show his boyfriend his powers. His boyfriend decides to treat Aqualad like a pariah because why not? The guy is already dating a dark skinned gay guy with weird mutant tattoos. You can't expect him to accept much more than that! He's all, "Dude! I know we were just talking about how my dad doesn't accept me for who I am and how it sucks but, um, you know what? I can't accept you for who you are, freak!" Aqualad decides to move to San Francisco. That's like Mecca for gays! I hope that wasn't disrespectful to Mecca and/or fucking other guys in the ass! I bet the main people I offended with that last sentence were lesbians because I didn't account for them with that whole fucking other guys in the ass thing. But adding something more would have ruined the flow of that super intelligent and wise statement! Meanwhile, the Teen Titans are attacked by King Shark. He must want Beast Boy so he can ask him to turn into a puppy or a butterfly. The Ranking! No change! This has all the aspects of Teen Titans comic books that drive me completely crazy. That being said, it's one of the better incarnations so far!

I was taggeroni’d by Good Friend @traumyu to do 2 tag memes and so here I am!

“Rules: Tag 9 people whom you’d like to know better.” See but like. I’m Shy and Afraid of tagging people so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Relationship Status: Living With And Probably Practically Married To A Literal Taro (jacoob)

Lipstick or Chapstick: chapstick bc i look like a fucko with lipstick on 

Last Song I Listened To: A song that someone I tangentally know via a friend’s discord’s soundcloud song titled “a track”.

Top 3 Shows: I. Dont Know? Probably,, even though I don’t really like it as much anymore, is steven universe, as far as western shows? Also right now is JJBA. I guess. A third would be. Hum. Fucken.... yoi i dunno dude. I don’t like, watch shows very much

Top 3 Characters: The Person Amethyst Could Be If Written Better, Joseph Joestar, Ari from the Obscure Game, Okage, That Everyone Should Play

Read More bc the next one is Longer

1) how old are you? I think I’m 23?

2. what are you currently doing in life? I wish I knew tbh? But rn im at community college for a library tech degree so I can work a good position at a library cuz. I like libraries i guess?

3. what are you talented at? See now this one is hard bc used to I’d say “drawing” but i have not drawn much in the last like years i dunno how many but it’s been a few since i’ve like, owned a sketchbook. But in a General Sense I am very good at learning new things. I can get a hang of pretty much anything pretty fast and I may not be like the best at it but I’m usually pretty good at it? So I Guess that’s a talent, is the ability to learn quickly, if that counts.

4. what is a big goal you are working towards (or have already achieved)? Like.... Get a stable job I guess? I don’t really work with “big goals” bc I don’t think I’ve ever achieved a “big goal” in my entire life, and so manking big goals just makes me worried. My big goal is to move out of my dad’s house I guess but framing it as a big goal makes me nervous so yea.

5. what’s your aesthetic? i have like.... 2 distinct aesthetics. This first is like, pink, and glittery, and soft, like, a small and fluffy grandma who knits things. And like plants and nature, and softer pastel colors, and vintage my little ponies, and children’s toys in general. Light purple, light pinks, light blues, even browns sometimes? sometimes even light yellows? flowers, and gardens, and little succulents, and like Sweet Lolita Fashion (the japanese kind not the nasty kind) and stuffed animals, and water creatures, and no makeup, and just in general Very Soft And Cute, like a big fluffy pompom ball. Here are links to sets on my polyvore like this.

x x x x x x

Then the other aesthetic is very very different, it’s neons, pastels, black and white, translucent things, reflective clothes, shitty plastic, neon signs, eyeballs, General Not-Bloody Body Horror, “Vaporwave”, when pastels then also paired with neon or dark colors or black or white, very defined like... color blocking? but gradients are okay too, but harsh color blocking is a Fave, weird looking plants and animals, FUNGI, polka dots and patterned things, Honestly Enjoys Cyberpunk Aesthetic, heavily into videogame aesthetics and merch and things, likes gaudy makeup and doesn’t mind wearing more unorthodox clothing, and in general Very Harsh And Punkish, kind of like a Team Skull Aesthetic. Here are links to my polyvore of things that fall into this

x x x x x x

the rest of my polyvore is generally a mix between the 2 aesthetics which i guess could be considered My Aesthetic

6. do you collect anything? Hmmmmmmmmmmm vintage my little ponies mostly, but I haven’t actively collected them in like a year or so? maybe more? I’m really bad with the concept of time. But I do have like A Collection of them that I love dearly.

7. what’s a topic you always talk about? Bideogames to be fucking honest

8. what’s a pet peeve of yours? I have. So many. Like I’m being overwhelmed thinking about them bc there’s so damn many. In General Though recently a Big Little Issue i have is people who mess up Big Time in bideogames (like ffxiv when they cause a wipe) but then when someone else messes up in a much smaller and less impactful way (dies but doesn’t kill anyone else bc they just vaguely messed up like one mechanic) the person who messed up Big Time before is like “fuck you why are you even here”. Like bitch???? Fuck OFF??? And Like i’m generally very Accepting of when people mess up mechanics but when they then go on to tell other people off for something it’s like. Literally, asshole. Literally, shut the fuck up.

Another is just erp in general. Also when people try to be ~kawaii!!! uguu~~ and its just Annoying. And also when other people cut me off or don’t respond to me when I say things, even multiple times at multiple volumes (which is often both irl and online). Anyways I could go on forever but I’m going to stop myself before i get too frustrated just Thinking about these things.

9. good advice to give? i don’t like. have any good advice ever. lmao. the best advice i can give is to Not disorder your eating with diets bc it is absolutely disordered eating bc it will fuck you up For Life. Even if you get “”cured”” from anorexia you’ll still have disordered eating bc it Never Fucking Goes Away. So basically don’t even fucking START dieting or ANYTHING bc it WILL fuck you up for life. Diets don’t work anyways if you’ve ever done or looked up any really unbiased (meaning not funded by the diet/food/pharmaceutical industry) research ever in your entire life.

10. what are three songs you’d recommend?

The JJBA Battle Tendency Opening  of which I am currently Obsessed with

Butter Sugar Cream by tomggg and really anything by tomggg

Mottai Night Land by Kyary and basically anything by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu

I’m too shy and afraid to tag people so I’m Apology,,,

Chat appreciation of Shadowhunters while watching it.

Shadowhunter season 1: Paki dramas me: uh, ok. Solve soon. Boring. Shadowhunter season 1: Alec loves his “brother” me: Ughhh... c'mon, can't we not go there? Please?. Shadowhunter season 1: Paki drama turns into incest-like drama me: wow. The topic is a things here?. I thought this shit was not a thing here. Anyway, Paki drama. Let's pass to the important thing. Shadowhunter season 1: *people fight, punch, kick* me: AAHHHH please, someone teach everyone (except Hodge) how to fucking punch! It's painful to see those fish-punch, those catty-kicks and the whip. Please, no more whip. It's horrible to see how bad are those scenes. Shadowhunter season 1: Paki drama. “I love you. I can't. I go fuck my friend”. More Paki. Brother-zone. me: Pleaseeeeee. Stop this. I'm here for the gayness. Shadowhunter season 1: Magnus Bane appears me: Much better. Shadowhunter season 1: Magnus Bane shows he is intelligent, old, charismatic and despite everyone in the serie says he is a Lothario, he is loyal to his sentiments me: Wow. I love loyal-shit, so healthy. Very zevran. Shadowhunter season 1: Parabatai drama. me: uh.... this is weird. But for some reason, I like this. Showing other type of bonds beyond mere friendship and romantic relationships? ok. This is not bad. Relationships are weird things that not always are in those 2 extremes but in between. Shadowhunter season 1: Simon and friend-zone drama me: Ughhhhhhh. C'mon. Make this better... dont' go there.... Shadowhunter season 1: More paki drama. Now it's a mexican soap opera drama. That woman is her mother, that men is her father. *Oh, you are my brother*, and the friend's uncle's mother's son is her son... no, wait. Too much. Let's put all that in a AU. Me: Ughhh. Pain.... Shadowhunter season 1: Appears Luke and Raphael me: Good shit. Guys at the rescue, fucking kicking asses to anyone who is too dense. Shadowhunter season 1:  paki drama gets dense me: ughhh, Luke, bite them!. Stop this shit! Shadowhunter season 1:  Isabelle fights in heels me: *grabbing my chest painfully * Shadowhunter season 1:  Meliorn me: Wow. A sensual guy who is the embodiment of the beauty and the sensuality and he is not a boring white guy. Wow. Good shit there. Shadowhunter season 1: Malec episode me: I was here for the gayness.... but... c'mon... this is so fuckign cliché, childish, and so Mexican soap opera.... I was laughing there!. Instead of being shocked by the whole situation. Anyway.... Shadowhunter season 2: Paki drama. With demon-blood drama. “Mom wants me dead because I want to fuck my sister”. Me: *yawn  *  Pleaseeeee. Shadowhunter season 2: Magnus drama with his child traumas and the drama of death and immortality me: Oh, yeah. I knew you were a dark char. Delightful. Shadowhunter season 2:  Alec goes into beauty sleeping mode. me: Please... don't. Don't do the “sleeping” kiss scene to wake him. Shadowhunter season 2:  Magnus kisses Alec me: *grabbing my chest painfully * Stop thiiiis... *facepalm * give me good gayness.... pleaseeee. Shadowhunter season 2:  *Maia Appears * me: Oh, yeah, I needed that kind of woman. Werewolf woman that feels like a doggy when she is friendly and feels like a fucking fierce wolf  when angry. Yeah, I prefer CGI instead of bad punching scenes, too. Shadowhunter season 2:  Hodge dies. me: well, there it goes the only person in the whole serie who knows how to fight.... *cries* Shadowhunter season 2: Magnus and Camille drama. Me: Ok, that hits. That hits in the middle of the mortality, of the fear of loneliness and of “true love”. Shadowhunter season 2: Isabella becomes addict. In heels. Me: WOW. This is impressive. Loved that twist. Still please stop her whip... ugh. Shadowhunter season 2: Paki drama. Now I'm not your sister, but I dont know. You are now, once again, the same guy that you were in the first episode of the first season.  But mom dies now. Drama, drama, drama. Paki, paki, paki. Me: sigh Shadowhunter season 2: Cleophas, Angel's screams, all the lore of blood, demon and angelic blood and stuff. Me: Entertaining. Good. Shadowhunter season 2: Faery Queen wants war and makes a deal with Valentine. Me: WOW. Look that shitty asshole!. What a fucker! Shadowhunter season 2: Raphael and Isabella's addiction. Raphael asexuality. Isabelle polyamorous woman says “I dont care about sex, let's have a relationship”. Rapahel runs away. Lol. Me: Look at this good combination of chars. I can say that I like this. Shadowhunter season 2: Soul-sword leashed. Me: AAAHHHH. Magnus! Maia! LUKE! Shadowhunter season 2:  Vampire drinking angelic blood= daylight vampire. Me: Well, this is interesting... and I can see so many conflicts there.... Give me more. Probably season 3. Shadowhunter season 2: Paki drama. I'm not your brother, neither that woman is my mother, now I'm the son of another guy, and I rule over all of you, losers. Also, I'm not demon-blood creature, but an Angel itself, almost. I can activate my runes without stupid wand, you fucking bitches, I have GPS and I cure cancer. I'm fucking God!!!. Me: WHAT? Shadowhunter season 2: And my sister now works like a warlock. She can portal us. Me: WHAT!? Shadowhunter season 2: Greater demon. Magnus loses his body. And soon, will lose his life. Me: WHAAAT? Wait, slow down. What's this shit.  Can't anyone listen the fucker? He moves his hands in a Magnus way, please!. Nobody can't do that all the fucking time. What a losers these shadowhunters are.... god. The HANDS!, looks the hands!!! It's magnus! Obviously!!!. I'm disappointed of you, Alec. Shadowhunter season 2: Chips and DNA for all down-world creatures.  Simon says this looks like nazism. Maia says she is arrested by cops for being black, she didn't expect shadowhunters doing the same shit. Me: Worale. Esto es de la buena. This is getting deeper and more serious and getting better. Much better. Shadowhunter season 2: torture consequences over Magnus' mind. Mom-drama. Amber-cat eyes. Roasting step-dad. me: Wow. This character is the whole thing in this show. You can't stop comparing how plain are the rest with this one, simply because 400 years old is something hard to compete, ofc. Shadowhunter season 2: Valentine captured by Sebastian. Sebastian in general. More paki-incest drama. I was never loved, I want someone to love me. My fucked twisted daddy won't love me, so I try to be loved by my sister in ... any ways. Me: AAAAAAHHHHHH STOP THE SUBTLE INCEST DRAMA! Shadowhunter season 2: Parabatai drama. Me: sigh. Shadowhunter season 2: Alec's father, the same one who said Magnus was a Lothario, cheats on his wife. Me: Look who is the lothario. The flamboyant bi man clearly not. Shadowhunter season 2:  “You of all people, Alec, would understand what means to fall in love” says daddy. Me:  what an asshole! Magnus is not a fuckign affair, you fucker Shadowhunter season 2:  “magnus is not an affair, dad” Me:  There.  Alec will never do that to Magnus. He is too virgin and busy for that... lol. Besides... hell, Magnus is always there for him and has magic of all fucking types, he is intelligent and wise, always in a good mood, joking all the time, trustworthy as fuck. You have to be a shit to lie to him.... Shadowhunter season 2: Alec lies to Magnus while talking about Trust (TM). Me: Are.... are you.....*grabbing my chest painfully * Are you fuckign kidding me?.  Alec! You are not my fave, but hell.... you piece of shit. Shadowhunter season 2:  Magnus says “You lied to me, Alec. It seems that it runs in the family” Me:  Wow. Touché. Destroy his dark shadowhunter heart!!!!! Shadowhunter season 2: Magnus goes to ask for help to the Fairy Queen. Me: …. well.... that was excessive, no?. Magnus, you are old enough to know... this is not useful at all... c'mon, stupid asshole, you are just hurt because the fucker of your boyfriend lied to you. Bump him but don't fuck up all your people! Shadowhunter season 2: Magnus remember time with Alec. Scene of acceptance when he shows his cat eyes. “They are beautiful”. Me: Hell, this hits me 100 levels of my soul. Stupid scene. Stupid beautiful amber eyes. Shadowhunter season 2: Paki drama. I killed dad, and my no-bro/fuckbuddy is dead, and I will return him alive. Parabatai drama. Me:  Ugh, this can't be ok. Returning dead is proved to be a bad decision. Always. ALWAYS. The crow turned aggressive when he came back from death!. Shadowhunter season 2:  Ends Me: Yeah, Ok, season 2 was much better than 1. I liked the gayness here, but... no lesbians, fuck. Where is my healthy cute relationship of lesbians in a main char? I don't want lesbian in the background. Well, so far, I have Magnus. Healthy Magnus is so good. Shadowhunter season 3:  *dead people coming back from death + daylight vampire + angelic blood* in stand-by Me: uh... I can't decide who will be the villian: Jace or the fucking Queen.

ranting under the cut. tl; dr - to the crowd at the show last night:

don’t drag someone into a pit if they don’t want to mosh

this isn’t complicated - don’t be an asshole!

my partner and i went to a rise against show last night. this was exactly a month after i’d had top surgery, and it was kind of a celebration of recovery. rise against have been one of my fave bands for a long time, i was really excited for the show, and at the start it was fine. 

then the pits started up.

like, i don’t care if other people want to mosh - it’s good music to mosh to, and had i been on my own and not been still fragile i might have. i wasn’t - i was with my partner, who a) worries about my safety a lot and b) has a visual impairment, and walks with a white cane.

i got dragged into a moshpit and hit on the chest and on the back of the head. we both punched people, and managed to get out of the pit, but enough had been done - for the rest of the night i couldn’t properly enjoy the show without being scared of getting crushed or trampled... 

... all of which is starting to make me wonder if concerts are really my thing. like, yes, it’s amazing to see my favourite musicians live, and singing the words to your favourite song about queer rights with 3500 others singing with you is incredible. but i don’t know if that pain and that fear that i felt last night is worth it.

[on an unrelated note, on the train there a truly nasty woman from liverpool harassed and threatened us both, pretending that she’d reserved seats - either she hadn’t or the company had double-booked, probably the former - with so much aggression and refusal to accept a reasonable compromise. had she been polite, we would have moved halfway. as it was, she was so confrontational i thought about getting her kicked off the train. that didn’t set us up for a good night either, tbh.]