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judeswhore · 11 months

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breaking up with jude and having to take all his things back to him

omg wait i actually wrote something abt this for a fic i was gna write and then scrapped so u can have it here, it’s not the best but

"y'know you could've just asked me to drop these off for you. then you wouldn't have to see him." katie riffled around in the bottom of her bag in search for something, her tone light despite her words and she only glanced at you briefly while waiting for a reply. tearing your gaze from the house across the road you shook your head, wiped your sweaty palms across the material of your trousers.

"i want to see him."

"you want to see him?"

"yeah. no. i don't know, kinda? i don't want him to think i've taken the break up badly."

him being jude. after almost three years of dating he'd brought the relationship to an end, a decision he promised you he hadn't made lightly. for you it was out of the blue, you hadn't been fighting and there'd been no signs, sure you hadn't seen each other much with uni and his career but that was something you'd grown used to. for him it had been building. he said he couldn't handle the distance anymore, that it was getting too much to love someone who was never around. you got it, sort of, but that didn't make it hurt less. this conversation had happened two weeks ago, you'd only just found the motivation to peel yourself out of bed to return a bunch of his things.

from across the car, katie threw you skeptical look.

"you've cried every day since and consumed like half of england's ice cream supply. you have taken it badly." you huffed and leaned into the back seat to grab the box, careful not to let anything tumble out when you pulled it into your lap.

"he doesn't need to know that." you best friends mouth opened, a disapproving retort on her tongue but you beat her to it, pushing the car door open. "i'm okay now. i want to do this in person." you stumbled out with the box, turning to close the door behind you but katie had leant across, her face soft, eyes just a little sad.

"hey, he doesn't deserve you, remember? this was his loss."

at his front door you simply stared for a few moments, unable to lift to your hand and knock. returning the things he'd left at your place made the break up seem much more real, like giving him his hoodies back meant it was a done deal. you were handing over a piece of your heart with the box of his belongings, because no matter what, that would always belong to him too. a dog barked a few houses down and forced you into action, your fist coming down three times on the white door.

there was a few seconds of silence, the click of the lock and then the door swung open, revealing a freshly showered jude. the first glimpse of him in two weeks tugged at your chest, made your tummy dip and it was difficult pushing back the overwhelming urge to press against him. your body told you to kiss him, habits didn't die easily, your mind trying to catch up with the slight difference in his appearance. he'd grown his beard a little longer and his hair hadn't been cut in the time you'd been apart. his bottom lip was cut.

"hi." his voice cracked and he made a face, sent you a half sheepish smile before clearing his throat. "hey."

"i brought your stuff." straight to it. you weren't sure you could stand here and exchange small talk with him without breaking down. there was the smallest bit of comfort in the fact that he looked as bad as you felt. there were dark circles under his eyes, he obviously hadn't been sleeping, and the grey joggers he was wearing had a multitude of different stains down them. something tugged again at your chest and you swallowed thickly, thrust the box not so gracefully towards him. "i think i packed everything, i can- if i forgot anything i'll get katie to drop it off."

like you should have gotten katie to do today because looking at him hurt so much you felt like your heart was breaking all over again. the air around you was tense and awkward, jude kept shuffling from one foot to the other and you couldn't stop your palms from sweating. it was strange how someone who used to make you feel so safe and loved suddenly made you want to disappear inside yourself. jude took the box with careful hands, palms flat against the bottom to avoid brushing your fingers. the second he had hold of it you tucked your hands into the pocket of your hoodie. you didn't want him to see them shaking.

"you didn't have to drop them off, i could've come by." he could have but you knew deep down he wouldn't have. something told you he would've avoided you at all costs until he went back to germany. "but thanks. d'you wanna come in?" your gaze snapped up to his from where you'd previously been focused on his shoulder. "to get your things. i packed them up when you text earlier."

"oh. yeah, sure." you nodded and followed him into the familiar living room, the pain in your chest doubling when the scent of his aftershave washed over you. there was a box of your things on his sofa, your clothes and make up, small things you'd left behind, things you never thought you'd have to take back. placed at the very top of the box was one of jude's england shirts, one of the first ones he'd warn for the senior team, the one you always wore around his house. nausea rolled over you at the fact he was giving you it.

"i don't need that." jude followed your gaze and you watched his throat bob on a swallow as he dropped his own box down beside yours. his fingers brushed the material.

"it's basically yours, it doesn't fit me anymore so i don't need to keep it. i thought you'd want it." you only shook your head, you couldn't wear that shirt knowing that it was connected to a part of your life that didn't exist anymore. jude always made comments about how he liked seeing his girl in his shirt, he'd always pull you close and smother you in kisses and tell you how pretty you looked. you couldn't wear the shirt knowing you weren't his girl anymore, knowing one day someone else would wear that shirt. that he'd find another girl. you tried to talk around the lump that had settled in your throat.

"i don't want it, jude."

"right. no, of course not." again he cleared his throat and you needed to leave, needed air before the tears started and you collapsed in his living room. jude took the shirt and held it between both hands. for a few moments you were both quiet, watching each other, unsure what to say and before you could blurt something you'd regret, you reached for the box.

"i should-"

"i am sorry, y'know. i didn't- i never wanted to hurt you."

"but you did."

"i know and it's killing me. i should've told you how i was feeling instead of letting it drag out and leaving you in the dark. you didn't deserve that." his words were rough and you'd known him long enough to know he was fighting back tears. you also knew if you watched him cry, you'd also cry and you'd promised yourself you wouldn't do that in front of him. you wouldn't let him see you vulnerable like that again.

"no, i didn't."

"baby-" the endearment slipped from his lips from habit and you froze on your turn to the door, stomach dropping and that ache building even more in your chest. jude shook his head a little and rubbed the back of his neck, his bicep straining against the soft cotton of his shirt. "i'm sorry."

"i know you are but that doesn't make me feel any better. i don't- i can't have this conversation again, i can't hear you say you don't love me anymore, jude." pain and regret twisted his features and he shook his head. he made to reach for you but thought better of it, pressed his hands to his sides.

"i didn't stop loving you."

"stop it." your bottom lip wobbled and you had to stare straight at his chest to avoid the look in his eyes. "you can't- i don't want you to lie to me. you broke up with me, you don't do that if you love someone."

"that's not fair."

"life isn't really fair, is it?" without thinking, your fingers raised to tug at the necklace around your throat, a nervous habit you'd picked up years ago. it was only then that you even realised you were still wearing it, the silver "j" suddenly feeling hot and heavy against your skin. "oh, i forgot.."

setting the box down again, you fiddled with the clasp, awkwardly unclipped it before letting the piece of jewellery drop into jude's palm. he stared at it for a few seconds before shaking his head, trying to push it back towards you but you'd already picked the box back up.

"no, this is yours, you don't need to give me it back."

"i'm not gonna keep wearing it, jude. why would i?"

"because-"

"i'm not yours anymore, remember? i'm not gonna wear a necklace that says i am. i don't want it." your tone was harsh, harsher than necessary and it made him flinch, his brows drawing in. "wearing that let me pretend that this wasn't real, that it wasn't actually happening but it is and i can't keep lying to myself. everything reminds me of you and it hurts. i don't want it to keep hurting."

jude dropped his gaze, let his eyes instead focus on your hands. you were both quiet for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say. you'd gotten everything out of your systems the day of the break up, there was nothing else to say other than goodbye. you cleared your throat and nodded a little awkwardly towards the door.

"katie's waiting for me."

for the second time in as many weeks, jude let you walk away without another word.

#hey jude :)#jude bellingham #leigh’s baby blurbs #sinclaiirs baby blurbs #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham smut #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham blurb

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saprophetic · 3 years

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hi besties i'm finally making a post abt my feelings on forsaken! namely the fact that it absolutely could have — and should have — been avoided. (ft. Cayde's Death Was His Fault And He Knew It.)

both petra and cayde, when they brought uldren to the prison of elders, knew that there was something wrong. petra, one of the people who knew uldren the best, could tell that he wasn't himself — she didn't know about the taken bullshit + that the hallucinations were from riven, but...

(from Free | Part II in the Forsaken Prince lorebook)

They take him to a discreet landing dock on one of the lower levels of the Prison of Elders. When his containment unit hisses open, the glow and the mist silhouette an Exo with glowing blue eyes and a woman with her weapon drawn. Petra herself.

She stands there in silence. He knows she wants to kill him. He knows she wishes him to say, "You've done well."

"She speaks to you?" Her words are curt and direct. "What does she say?"

As he looked into the prince's eyes, he saw a fleeting shadow of darkness dance across their normal ethereal golden glow. Variks looked back to Petra.

"Petra Venj… I—I do not understand."

"I know. It's… Something's wrong with him, Variks. He's… mad. Lock him down—lock down the entire cellblock. No one in but you or me. Speak of this to no one. As far as the system is concerned, Uldren Sov died over Saturn."

(both from Reacquaintance from the Most Loyal lorebook)

"Of course. Of course." Variks noticed Petra's gaze lingered a little too long on the prince's cell. He could see she was troubled, even ashamed. Petra saw him watching and composed herself, back straight, all Wrath. She met his eyes. He could see her trouble, her shame.

"Variks. My friend." Was that tenderness Variks heard in Petra's voice? "He is changed. His eyes…" She stopped herself. Reset. "If he speaks, don't listen. He speaks lies. Terrible lies." And with that, she walked away, Cayde close behind. The doors to the cellblock slammed shut behind them.

petra absolutely knew that uldren was having a mental breakdown — and she threw him in prison and then tried to cover it up. because she knew that what she was doing (once again: throwing her friend who was having a psychotic break into maximum security prison) was morally unjust. she knew, and she felt guilty about it.

rather than even ATTEMPTING to get uldren any sort of help for what she surely assumed was grief and trauma... she just threw him in prison. and cayde helped her do it.

AND, as a matter of fact — when variks tried to tell her that uldrens problem was a sickness and asked her to let him attempt curing it... she told him no. so variks let the prison break happen.

(from Chain of Souls in the Most Loyal lorebook)

But if it worked—perhaps Fikrul could be cured. Perhaps—if what Variks suspected was true, and Fikrul's corruption was related to the Prince's affliction—Uldren could be cured, too.

Variks had said as much to Petra, but she'd refused to listen.

"You will not experiment on the Prince."

"Our Prince is ill. To keep him here… hide him from Awoken eyes… not right. Not right."

"I've made my decision, Variks."

(from Where Loyalty Lies in the Most Loyal lorebook)

By the end of that day, the Prison of Elders descended into chaos.

"Your time WILL come, Variks."

Uldren sits in his favorite spot, gazing in his favorite direction. "She told me so. She has but one last wish of you."

"No, your grace." Variks' voice was gravelly with emotion. "It is I who has one last service for you."

Variks left before he could change his mind.

the entire reason that the prison break happened is because:

petra and cayde put a man they assumed was only having a grief-induced psychotic break into prison, knowing that what uldren needed was help. (actually that's unkind of me — cayde just wanted to kill him and fikrul both.)

petra then tried to hide it from the awoken people.

when petra was informed that uldren had a Magical Illness going on, she told variks that he wasn't allowed to try to cure it.

variks, despite everything, still held loyalty to the reef, to mara and uldren.

speaking of the prison break, that leads me to part two, or "Why Cayde's Death Was His Own Fault, And He Knew It"

quickly summing up the important beats in the beginning cutscene in forsaken:

the prison break starts

petra calls cayde and the young wolf for help stopping a prison riot

petra realizes that it isn't a riot, it's a break

cayde goes down to maxsec by himself to stop uldren & the barons, taking out a large part of the prison infrastructure in the process

cayde tries to solo an entire room of barons and gets the shit beat out of him

he gets out his ghost in a room full of enemies to heal him... and proceeds to get his ghost killed

he then gets bitchy to uldren (like... about The One Thing that he knows will fuck w uldren)

guardian_i_dont_feel_so_good.mp4

he flat out tells you "that's what i get for playing nice" like. he ABSOLUTELY knew his death was his own fault. he was reckless and conceited and got himself killed.

and at no point did he want to be avenged. this isn't a post about cayde but frankly he would have hated that the guardian went on a revenge rampage. like, he didn't want that.

anyway. quick aside to say that i'm a prison abolitionist so the whole "prison of elders" thing puts a bad taste in my mouth ANYWAY, but the fact that they put an obviously ill man in prison instead of trying to help him is just... hmmmmmm. i Really don't like that.

the events of forsaken Could Have Been Avoided, if only someone had gotten uldren help instead of allowing him to be further isolated.

quick edit to add that also forsaken could also have been avoided if mara had told uldren that she was still around, but... she didn't care enough to. forsaken is a tragedy on all fronts.

#mine #my meta #ig #destiny #uldren sov #forsaken #petra venj #cayde-6 #variks the loyal #this unsurprisingly got long. so. here! have this

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yourmidnightlover · 3 years

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ssa hotchner: chapter 2 - one week

TW: threats, language, talking abt abuse/what happened to y/n the night before, mild drinking

WC: 5,116

series masterlist

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you woke up to the bright sun peeking in through your window past the hills, shining brightly into your eyes. you sat up, and rubbed your eyes in attempt to wake yourself up even more. you looked over at your clock to see the tie was already half past 6 a.m.

you didn't have to go to work for the first time in what felt like forever. trudging out of bed, you made your way into your bathroom and started the hot water.

the cut on your face looks exponentially better than it did last night. the handprint's swelling on your face had gone down quite a bit, but the bruise on your arm was definitely still there.

you brushed your teeth while you waited on the water to warm up. once the shower was ready, you shed your clothes and hopped inside. you took your time, letting the events of last night try to sink into your mind.

after you finished up, you used a towel to dry your hair a bit and got dressed in some leggings and a large t-shirt. you figured you might as well be comfortable if you didn't have anything else to do.

going back into your living room you decided to read the note that was taped to your gate. you pulled the bin out, followed by the shoe box, followed by the note.

you've been receiving them for close to 7 years now, ever since that high profile case you did for the bau. honestly, there was no telling if the letters were from more than one person. they are all typed and printed out.

at first they were all 'thank yous' for putting away a serial killer, but then came the anniversary of him being in prison... and people got a bit angry. then, people who were grateful for you putting him away forgot about it, as they should since they have lives of their own, and all that was left were the people who were angry.

the people who would wish you were dead. the people who think you should be inside there with the other killers. the people who were upset about you putting their 'true love' away for good. those were the people you were scared of.

the people that knew your address.

the people that sent you death threats.

those were the terrifying ones. the ones that kept you up at night, looking out of your window, trying to see if anyone was truly out there. nobody ever was. logically, you knew that nobody was out there lurking.

but if you told big bro, he would go all fbi on the letters. he would try to figure out who sent them, and send them to jail themselves. you didn't know if they were truly a threat, so what's the point in poking the bear? if they got too terrible, you would tell him. maybe...

you son of a bitch. you should've been his last victim so you wouldn't be here and he would be. you're nothing but a manipulative little bitch.

you don't deserve anything you have handed to you.

go die, bastard.

you folded it back up and placed it in the box, the bin, then pushed it underneath the couch.

were you worried? of course. would you tell anyone? not yet. if your fear became unmanageable, you would let someone know.

the only problem with the notes is that there was no return address. you put up security cameras everywhere around your gate in hopes of catching the culprit(s) on video, but sadly they were able to hack into the cameras you had gotten.

you would check the video footage after you received a note or picture. the time stamp went from 8:54 to 9:03, meaning they probably hacked into it before they got there.

maybe garcia could find whoever hacked into it every night if you needed her to. surely she would be able to work her magic when necessary.

you went into your room to check your phone for any new messages.

a <3: what're you doing for lunch today? feel up to spending time together two days in a row? let me know whenever you can; there's no case today.

you: i don't have any plans at all today, i guess i'll just have to suffer through another lunch with you.

and... sent.

unknown number: hi, y/n. it's spencer. i just wanted to know how're you doing? is the cut on your face okay?

you: hey back genius :) i'm doing pretty well, all things considered. my face is looking much better than it was before i went to bed, thank you for asking.

send.

while waiting for a response, you decided to clean the house a bit. you vacuumed your rugs, washed the dishes in your sink, did your laundry, and that was pretty much all you had to do today. everything done before 10 a.m.

checking your phone, there were two more messages, one from each of the guys.

a <3: great! would you mind just meeting me at the office around 11:30?

you: that's no problem at all. any place in mind?

you checked the other message from spencer.

spencer :) : i'm glad you're doing well, y/n. and to clear things up, your face didn't look bad at all last night, bruise and cut included.

what a little charmer...

you: thanks for the clarity, it's very appreciated. so how've you been since last night? save any other damsels in distress?

you put your phone down and decided to start getting ready. you opted for some blue jeans, high rise, and a lavender halter top. you paired that with some white high-top converse and threw on your gray blazer spencer brought you from last night, after you retrieved it from the dryer.

wearing something so casual, you decided to just wear your natural hair to the office. you did, however, need to cover the remnants of your adventure last night so aaron wouldn't be upset upon seeing something.

you used some good ol' color corrector, concealer, a bit of foundation, and some powder to cover the bruises and fail to disguise the cut. then again, there's not much that can be done to cover that up.

you checked the time on your phone, 10:53, and saw two more message notifications.

a <3: i was thinking about ordering some mexican food to the office so we could just stay there.

you: i'm good with anything, so that sounds great! i'll see you soon.

you sent the message and hopped over to the one spencer had sent you.

spencer :) : sadly, no other damsels. although i suppose that could be considered a good thing to most. oh! and if you were wondering, i got your number from garcia. i wasn't stalking you or anything, no worries.

you: yes, i'm glad i was the only damsel in need of saving last night. also, if i were to find out you had been stalking me, i don't think i'd be afraid. in fact, i'd probably be more flattered that THE dr. spencer reid would consider me stalk-worthy.

was it flirtatious? yes. would it make him flustered? probably. would i enjoy being the person that flustered him? absolutely.

sent.

you got into your car and began the journey to quantico. the drive isn't very long, only about twenty minutes. you hopped out of the car, and made your way to the front desk to check in. looking over your shoulder, you saw none other than spencer reid walking up to you before the woman gave you your visitor's badge.

"hi there, damsel," spencer smiled as he greeted you. you walked closer to him after thanking the lady.

"hey, hero," you laughed as you both got closer. "is it too soon to hug you?"

"oh, uhm... not at all. i was actually-yes. i do want to- i'm just gonna..." he stuttered as he opened his arms for you to snuggle into.

"i like your hugs," you surprisingly announced.

"th-thank you," he smiled as he rested his chin on your head, secretly enjoying the coconutty scent that wafted off your hair into his nose.

"yea this is gonna be the new greeting tactic for us. just saying," you huffed into his chest.

"i wouldn't mind that at all," he laughed before you pulled back from his embrace, giving his shoulders a little squeeze before relinquishing all contact.

"okay, i'm here to see aaron. i'm assuming he's in his office, like always?" you rose one eyebrow in question before feeling a hand on your shoulder, turning to see aaron.

"i'm not always in my office," he rebutted as he embraced you in his arms. "how are you?" he asked nicely.

"i'm good! i hope you aren't overworking yourself like you usually tend to do," you voiced into his chest. he pulled back, not releasing your shoulders but looking deeply at your face.

"what's that?" he pointed to your cheekbone, his brows furrowing in concentration.

"oh, pshh. it's nothing," you shrugged as you waved his hand off, noticing spencer behind aaron with a look on his face that suggested you tell your brother what it was.

"y/n. what happened?" he pushed, giving you his 'brother' look.

"fine," you huffed. "i was gonna have to explain it eventually," you rolled your eyes. "last night before i left, ron got a bit handsy. before he did too much, spencer showed up to return my jacket. things got out of hand, ron might've slapped me, spencer might've pushed him against a wall, all's well that ends well," you grinned in hopes that he wouldn't have understood a word you just uttered.

"ron slapped you?" he asked in disbelief, his face still showing no emotion as per usual.

"yea, but spencer stopped him before he got to do anything else. oh! i don't have a job at all anymore, so i'm free for the next two weeks," you pressed your lips together.

"reid was there?" he turned to face spencer, who's face looked like a deer in the headlights.

"yup. i don't know what would've happened if he didn't show up. i really owe him, aaron," you said, trying to calm your brother down from the edge he was not-so-clearly teetering on.

"well, reid. uhh, thank you. and y/n. you should've told me this the second it happened," he ordered, looking at you shooting daggers.

"sir, yes, sir," you nodded off. "i'm sorry i didn't tell you. i just knew you'd be upset and i figured since everything's okay now that it wasn't important," you shrugged, trying to diffuse the situation.

"it is important. it will always be important because you're important to me," he emphasized before taking a deep breath. "as long as you'll tell me next time i think i'll be okay."

"great! now when's the food supposed to get here because... food," you excitedly asked as you followed aaron as he turned to go to his office.

"it'll be here in about 10 more minutes," he announced as he motioned for her to sit beside him in the chairs in front of his desk. "so... what's the full story of what happened?"

"are we really gonna talk about that right now?" you huffed, clearly over the situation from last night.

"yes. we are. harassment is a serious issue that should be dealt with accordingly. you know that, y/n," he reasoned, propping his arm on his desk as he looked at you with his stern face.

"i do know that. i also know that he only ever did that to me. he has a wife and two kids; he'd never do anything to put them in jeopardy," you announced, trying to convince aaron not to press the issue any further.

"but he would be willing to risk a law suit from you because of what happened?" he questioned in defiance, not accepting the ask to drop it.

"i wouldn't give him a law suit, aaron. you know that," you remarked, leaning in towards him slightly.

"you should. logically, you should sue him for hitting you. and i'm assuming for whatever else he's done to you in the past," he corrected you.

"how do you know he's done anything in the past?" you questioned, aaron nodding his head to the side. "right. profiler," you sighed. "look, he used to call me names i'm uncomfortable with, but now i won't have to deal with him. i don't work there anymore and never will again."

"you may not work there, but what if another woman starts working in the office? who's to say he won't harass them as well?" you looked down into your lap, fondling your fingers in avoidance. "look, i'm not trying to be rude about it. i just don't like seeing you hurt, and to know that the guy who hurt you isn't getting anything done to him is ludicrous."

"i know. you've always looked out for me since we were kids, but i'm not a kid anymore. i'm a grown woman and can take care of my own business when i need to," you replied softly, placing your hand over top aaron's in comfort. "but thank you, for always caring. i know you do it because you love me, even though you don't say it often," you laughed, trying to bring some light hearted-ness to the situation.

"i do..." he nodded along. "love you, that is," he added with a rare smile.

aaron has always been there for you. ever since you were kids, because of you dad he would take the role of protector for both you, sean, and your mom.

because of his role of 'protector,' he has this external shell that he feels as though he can't shed. in his mind, if he sheds it he's not able to mask his feelings, leaving not only himself but also those he protects vulnerable.

"i love you too, a.," you smiled back, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it from your grip. aaron took his phone and checked the time.

"the food's here now," he announced as he went to go pick it up from the front desk.

when he returned he gave you the food and you began to eat together, him telling you the latest garcia story that got quite the kick out of you until his attention went elsewhere.

"... so...?" aaron asked sneakily, a sly grin appearing on his face.

"... so what?" you furrowed your brows in question as you took a sip of your drink.

"you and reid, huh?" he widened his eyes in suspicion.

"what about me and reid?" you wanted to press him further, even though you knew exactly what he meant.

"that's exactly what i would like to know. what's going on with you and reid?" he finalized, pointing his fork accusingly at you.

"nothings going on with me and spencer," you raised your hands in defense. "i just drove him home after he intervened in the... situation, last night so i made sure to thank him. he texted me earlier today to ask me how i was holding up after yesterday evening- like a gentleman," you pointed out, raising your eyebrows to establish some sort of dominance you knew you didn't have over your brother.

"right," he said in a sing-song voice, you rolled your eyes at his tone.

"shut up," you scoffed as you threw away each of yours' trash. "so, i think it's time for me to go," you smiled as you turned to face aaron from the doorway.

"ahh, right," he sighed with a small grin. "i actually talked to strauss about getting you onto the team," he raised his eyebrows.

"did you, now?" you smirked. "what'd she say about it?"

"she said that you'd need to fill out an application, and that if you were to be hired there'd be a trial run first to see if everything would work out smoothly," he announced happily.

"really? so there's a chance i could work here?!" you squealed, rubbing your lips into a tight line from the excitement.

"a pretty good one, at that. i actually have an application right," he reached over his desk to retrieve a couple pages stapled together, "here," he smiled, handing you the application forms.

"oh my gosh!" you shouted, throwing your arms over your brother's stomach and squeezing him tightly. "this is so exciting! do you think i'm actually qualified?" you asked, pulling back from his embrace.

"are you kidding? of course you are?" he asked incredulously. "just fill those out, return them to strauss, and i'm sure she'll review them quickly," he nodded.

"right. i'll get going now," you smiled widely. "thank you, a. thank you so much," you said, giving him one last hug before you whooshed out of the door, papers in hand.

you walked down the stairs and out of the glass doors towards the elevator. the doors started to close after you pressed the 'lobby' button, but there was a brown satchel stuffed between them to stop the from closing right before they shut. once thy opened back up, you noticed who the bag belonged to.

"hey, spencer," you smiled, scooting over in the elevator to make more room for him.

"hey, y/n. how was your lunch?" he asked, returning your smile.

"it was pretty good. aaron gave me an application for the bau, which is very exciting," you bit back a wide grin.

"really?" he asked happily, his eyebrows raised, you nodded in return. "that's so great!" he said cheerily, wrapping his arms around your waist an lifting you off the elevator floor as the two of you giggled together.

"i know! if i'm being honest, i'm a bit nervous about it, y'know?" you said as he placed you back onto your feet, your hands still on his biceps.

"why? we already know you'll fit in well and do great. what's making you nervous?" he asked, his head tilting slightly as he looked at you with a confused expression.

"i don't know..." you started. "i guess since i've only worked at one job, doing one thing, moving nowhere, staying stagnant, i just don't know anything else," you shrugged.

"it's actually incredibly normal to feel nervous about a new job. over 80% of working professionals feel nervous or anxious when starting a new job," he clarified as the elevator doors opened, you both walking out together. "think of it this way: you know the material, you're more than qualified, you know everyone you'd be working with, and you're passionate about what you'll be doing. there's no doubt that you'll do amazing," he encouraged as you continued the walk to your car.

"thank you. at least i know i'm not the only one that gets this way," you sighed. "so why'd you walk all the way out here?" you giggled. "don't you still have work?"

"uhh, yes. i-i do have to work. i just f-figured- i just wanted to uh, talk to you?" he stuttered out, clearly not realizing how charming it was.

"well, thank you, spencer. i really enjoy our little chats," you nodded as you unlocked your car. "thanks for walking me out. i'll see you?" you asked.

"yea, yes. i will uhm, see you later. goodbye, y/n," he smiled gorgeously.

"see you later, spencer," you grinned back as you closed your door and began to drive off after buckling up.

halfway home, you got a call from someone. you pressed the bluetooth answer button on your radio to answer.

"hello?" you replied, readjusting your hands on your wheel.

"y/n hotchner. i can't believe you were at the office and didn't even bother to say hi to me!" emily's voice rang through the speakers.

"emily! hello to you too," you giggled.

"you even said hi to reid! but not me?" she shouted. "what gives?"

"sorry, i just kinda ran into him, i guess. well, he ran into me," you corrected yourself.

"what does that mean?"

"well, he kinda stopped me while i was in the elevator so he could talk to me. he's such a good friend," you complimented.

"only friend?" emily asked suggestively.

"yes, em. only friends," you laughed at the insinuation.

while it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to be more than friends with him, it certainly wasn't the right time for a serious relationship in your life yet.

"righhtt... anyway, that's not the only reason i called you," she stated.

"and why did you do that?" you asked as you turned onto the highway, a straight shot to the street with your house on it.

"i wanted to know if you'd like to come with us to a bar after we get off of work tonight?" she asked.

"hmm... who's 'we'?"

"well there's me, morgan, garcia, and you if you'll come?"

"sure, it sounds fun," you agreed. "besides, not like i have anything to do with no job and all," you laughed out.

"great! now we could probably convince reid to come now that you're going!" she exclaimed.

"jeez, em," you huffed as you rolled your eyes and turned onto your street.

"you know it's true. morgan's already teasing him about it and everything," she snorted out over the phone.

"oh poor spencer..." you grimaced as you thought about the relentless teases.

"yea, yea, yea. but you're coming, and there's no backing out! i'll just pick you up before i head to the bar. be ready at 8, ma'am. dress hot, please, garcia and i already agreed to it," she demanded.

"yes ma'am, sounds good," you nodded even though she can't see you.

"alright, love you, bye," she said, holding out the 'e'.

"love you too, bye," you said as she hung up the phone, finally turning into your driveway to be met with your gate.

you entered the code and the gate opened, allowing you to drive half a mile up to your house. you had always wanted a nice, big house as a child. the kind that people had in movies, and everyone looked at online. you signed a lease for this house a while back, and got an amazing deal on it sense you knew who owned it previously.

unlocking your door, you walked into your house with the papers in hand. you walked into your dining room and started filling the papers out easily. it was only 1 p.m., so you had a while before you had to start getting ready for going out with them tonight.

*******

you threw on a maroon colored corduroy skirt, tucking in your spaghetti strap, black tank top. adding some black heeled booties, you added a few silver pieces of jewelry.

after adding some mascara, lip gloss, and a bit more powder you felt like you were ready to walk out of the door. you did a few spritzes of perfume before grabbing your black crossbody purse, letting it hang on one shoulder before grabbing your black denim jacket, dashing out of the door to emily's car.

"hey em," you said as you swung the door open, crawling not-so-gracefully inside.

"hey there," she said as she examined what you were wearing. "i seriously did my makeup for half an hour and you come out looking like that? it should be illegal to look that hot, y/n," she rolled her eyes with a huff.

"are you kidding me?" you replied, looking over to see what she was wearing herself.

she had on a short, black dress that had a low neckline, allowing tasteful cleavage to show through. she wore that with some red pumps to match her lipstick and some shimmery eyeshadow.

"okay, you can't say that. you look hot, em! don't sell yourself short," you punched her arm playfully.

"yea, yea, yea," she said, beginning to drive out of your driveway.

once you arrived to the bar, it looked like it was almost full. the music was loud, and you could feel the base through your feet on the floor. it took you about a minute until you could find the others, derek, pen, and spencer, sitting at a booth in the corner of the bar.

because of how crowded it was, you sat across from penny and derek and in between spencer and emily. you were practically on top of spencer because of how small the seats were, the poor guy.

"damn, you look great, y/n," derek gushed before looking at spencer with a smirk. "don't you think, pretty boy?" he laughed out, earning a jab from penny in the stomach.

"play nice, derek," she scolded him. "but you do look great, y/n. your legs look amazeballs in that outfit... like wow," she exaggerated.

"oh, shush," you blushed. "i'm kinda hungry... you guys?" you asked them.

"i could go for some cheese sticks," emily replied.

"i ate before we came here," spencer replied with a smile, leaning into your ear a little bit to answer.

"so cheese sticks and... cheese fries? i adore cheese fries," penny added.

"i'm okay with whatever. i'll go order," you said as emily got up to let you out.

"i'll help," spencer added as he scooted out with you.

"great, any drink requests?" you asked, pointing out to all three others.

"jack and coke," emily requested.

"anything fruity they have!" pen told you.

"whiskey, on the rocks," derek said with a smile.

"you've got it," you said as you turned around, realizing how crowded it was as you tried to weave through the first few people in your way.

you felt a hand grip yours firmly, turning to see it was spencer's hand you felt a sigh of relief wash over you. he leant down to your ear to talk to you, so you leaned a bit closer to him.

"i'm gonna put my arm around your waist so we can get through easier. is that okay?" he asked. his breath on your neck and ear almost distracted you from the question.

"y-yea. that's uhm... that's okay," you nodded your head as you felt his arm snake around your waist, pulling you closer to his side.

you moved one of your arms around his torso in return, squeezing yourself further into your side so you could avoid bumping into as many people. you could smell his sweet cologne, and the smell of what seemed to be coffee and old books. the warmth of his entire being was undeniable, drawing you closer to his presence.

eventually when you made it to the bar, you both kept your arms around the other. after ordering the food and drinks, you finally pulled your arm back, but stayed just as close to him.

"have you filled the application out yet?" spencer asked sweetly, leaning into your body.

"yea, i finished them just before i got ready to come here, actually," you nodded your head with a smile. "i guess you could say i'm a bit eager to start working."

"i think that's a good thing," he smiled brightly.

"oh, it definitely is!" you agreed. "i'm just so bored at the house. i've only been gone for a day and i need something to do, y'know?" you shrugged.

"busybody?" he questioned.

"oh you have no idea," you laughed, pushing his shoulder back playfully.

"i guess it runs in the family. hotch is always working on something as well," he mentioned. "so working at the bau would be a great fit for you both."

"yea, i sure hope so," you said longingly. "so what else do you do for fun... besides reading and working, of course," you asked.

"uhmm, i enjoy magic, i guess," he expressed.

"really?" you perked up, straightening out your posture at what he revealed.

"yea. i know a few little party tricks. wanna see?" spencer proposed, you nodded eagerly. "okay," he licked his lips as he began digging into his pocket and pulled out a $20 bill, also getting a pen. "watch..." he said as he jabbed the green paper with the pen.

"okay?" you squinted your eyebrows at what he was doing, unsure of where this trick was leading.

he then started to drag the paper around the pen, not tearing the bill at all. you felt your jaw drop in awe as he continued playing with it. then, he drug the pen all the way out of the bill, not a hole in sight. he made the bill disappear, leaving you stunned.

"what? how did you-? where did it-?" you stuttered, looking at him accusingly.

he reached around your hair, behind your ear and pulled out the same twenty dollar bill as earlier, a smug look on his face as he did so.

"okay... wow." you said as you began slow-clapping in awe. "i'm thoroughly impressed, spencer."

"thanks," he smiled shyly as he tucked the bill back into his pocket. "i've been doing magic since i was a kid. it's one of my hobbies when i'm we're not trying to catch serial killers," he shrugged.

"i'd say you've picked a good hobby," you chuckled. "i bet kids love it when you do them, huh?"

"yea, it's quite the entertainment for children," he nodded. "i love their reaction to it. it just makes me happy that i can bring a smile to their face."

"that, spencer, is fascinating," you complimented as the bartender handed you the drinks and spencer the food to take back to the table.

walking back was much easier than your journey to the bar, people actually making way for others with their hands full of refreshments. at least some people still had their manners.

"okay guys," you addressed as you began passing out the drinks, "here is your whiskey, jack and coke, and a tequila sunrise for pen."

"ouuu! i like the sound of that!" penny cheered as she took a sip of the drink, her eyes widening with delight.

"thank you, ma'am," derek thanked as he took a sip of his drink.

"absolutely perfect, y/n," emily relished in her beverage.

the rest of the night was fun. you laughed, joked, and danced with the girls. you even got to know spencer a bit more, much to your liking.

the next day you turned in your application, and was surprised when you got the job on the spot. you would begin your trial run in one week.

and you couldn't believe how fast that week went by, because as soon as you blinked, you were in the bullpen of the bau at your very own desk.

#spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer reid #y/n #agent hotchner #y/n hotchner #ssa hotchner #criminal minds #aaron hotchner

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