god how are my husbands the most amazing men in the world

im slow to figure out things about myself but im doing it still! for example, that unless i am talking w someone with the understanding that the conversation is independent of establishing our relationship, i actually ought to keep personal things to myself! on account of im both very withholding of even minor shit about myself but also can be overly friendly to anyone i wanna be nice to when sometimes they dont deserve it and actually suck! like dont get me wrong not letting anyone feel like theyre getting to know me doesnt mean i think the alternative is being mean or whatever. or that on occasion i dont have an accurate sense of getting Good Vibes from people just like i (more often) get an accurate feeling of bad vibes from someone. but just generally it takes a long time to get to actually get to know me in cases that i can think of where im like "yeah im comfortable with this person and trust them with my genuine thoughts and feelings" vs cases where im like "i automatically made efforts to be Earnest and Forthcoming in friendly interactions with this person and in the end i wish i hadnt even bothered and even though me talking to someone and telling them stuff about me was an effort to become more comfortable with them, i dont think i ever actually was comfortable." like dont get me wrong! i may be a "requires level 900 to unlock" person who takes like, ages to genuinely befriend, but i don't pretend to be worth that effort or something! thats just how i am and its more hurtful to me than anyone else to blame myself for not being more comfortable around people. i dont pretend to have a lot of friends or expect a huge friend group anytime soon! im really particular about what it takes to feel like i trust someone's okayness and its pretty rare to come across people i like a lot right off. but that is just how it goes! in the meantime i have to remember these things about myself and try not to be so upfront about trying to connect with people because then i feel imbalanced b/c of how much of a big deal that is for me and how much effort vs how unlikely anyone else is to feel like they are making that much effort in return. like im good at being my own company and just because i always thought the idea of having a lot of friends would be great and started out probably overeager to gain that, doesnt mean that trying to gain friendship with anyone who seems even vaguely relevant isnt really just overly draining and for no real purpose......and while im always reflexively trying to be as nice as possible to people i end up regretting it a lot, not so much because they are jerks about it as i just feel like ive always gotten myself into a disproportionate situation / a situation where i feel like im assumed to be better-known by people than i am, not necessarily through any deliberate fault of theirs or mine / just accidentally spending a lot of time and energy on people i dont feel like i'll ever be that close to because i just automatically start out on the pattern of being interested and friendly towards them as my Being Nice instinct smh. tldr i should be more reclusive as my heart is!! and let myself be picky about who im friends with. because a lot of times i just end up realizing im not actually like...feeling like theyre a friend but its just been habit for a while. sometimes its been that people are actual jerks and then i just make an effort to be distanced from them gradually. but like i just always end up blaming myself a lot because im just not naturally suited to being comfortable with many people, especially in a short period of time after meeting them. and thats okay cuz whose problem is it but mine if i dont have a lot of friends. and like yeah in theory itd be great if i found like fifty people i liked a lot, the more socially appealing and connected you are the better, but i just dont. im not talking about being mean to people or treating them badly or being inconsiderate or anything, im just talking about im socially weird and not in a Fun way just an actually weird way and its hard for me to find people i think i truly get along with. and thats fine and im just trying to make myself be aware of it and stop blaming myself for not clicking with other peoples social styles and not try to be friends with someone before i feel like i like them, or even more importantly, until i feel like they like me, because whats really crap and embittering is ending up feeling like the person who someone likes isnt even actually you. anyways, how demanding is it to just be telling myself to let myself maintain the distance i need to feel comfortable until i can tell i like someone and they seem like they'll be just as cool to me, right. im sure i'll keep repeating this mistake as its not a deliberate choice on my part but being aware of shit can help. gradually. maybe one day i'll have enough friends that i can call them a group but in the meantime i can cut back on exposing myself to situations where i end up feeling crappy becoz ive never considered my own weird needs as important in the whole deal tldr Embracing No Friends Cryptidity

What to do when someone is experiencing a psychotic break or episode

(From the perspective of a verifiable psycho)

This guide comes with the preface of:

If you dont have a psychotic person in your life (who is probably already telling you these things) you really. Dont need to insert yourself into most situations where someone is disconnected with reality. As such, im mainly focusing on crisises (in this context a crisis means someone does not have adequate/qualified support to work through a breakdown)

#1 Dont call the fucking police.

Police officers are not mental health specialists, they are regular people at best and paranoid sadists at worst who have guns and license to kill when they "feel threatened", who have had maybe a couple hours of psych training that relies on pseudoscience/bad psychology and fearmongering.

If you call the cops they WILL escalate, they WILL handle it badly, they PROBABLY will traumatize the person, they will LIKELY assume drug use, and an already vulnerable person might die

If you call the cops on a psychotic person and that person dies, idc how good your intentions were, it is (partially) your fault

(Just add a whole mess of exponents to that statement if the psychotic person in question is visibly queer or a person of color, especially a transfemme person or a Black man, but *any* mentally ill person is endangered by cops)

#2 CONSENT

consent doesnt magically disappear when someone is in crisis, and not all psychotic episodes = crisis.

Talk to them!!! They are still a human person!!! Theyre still "in there". Use the rest of this guide to communicate as effectively as you can. Ask before you do anything--before you involve anyone else, before you touch them (at ALL, even a hand on the shoulder needs consent), before you move them, etc. ESTABLISH if they are in crisis. ASK if they want help or attention. ASK if they feel unsafe. ASK ASK ASK.

Crisis is relative!!! For a lot of us, a different experience of "reality" is normal every day business that we live with. Do not assume someone is in crisis unless they tell you. Do not assume they are in pain unless they tell you. Ask if they want help but do not assume they even need intervention unless they consent to it.

#3 do NOT tell them its not real

When im curled up in the corner screaming and in pain, or even sitting catatonic on my bed bc I'm too paranoid to move, shaking me and telling me its not real isnt going to help.

I know its not real. A LOT of psychotic folx know its not real. That actually adds to the problem, because being told "its not real" isnt going to magically make my brain stop fucking making shit up, ok? If im somewhere else and saying shit that doesnt make sense, talking about people youve never heard of, gods angels faeires etc.: dont tell me its not real, ASK. QUESTIONS. A person who does not experience the same reality you do is still a person. Consent does not disappear. We are people whether or not you understand us.

What does that look like? I might be yelling about my friend mike. "Whos mike?" You should ask. Ill tell you that mike is a minor deity and a good friend of mine: you should imagine youre having a conversation with any other person talking about a friend of theirs. "Are they nice?" "How did you meet them?" "Where are they from?" Are all good. Its very context dependent. Listen. Communicate.

The sense of normalcy I am offered when someone asks placating and mundane questions about my celestial headmades does a LOT more to assuage my panic and fear when im in crisis than people telling me its not real amd that i need to "snap out of it"

Imagine a psychotic crisis is like barreling down the highway in a car. Trying to "snap" me "out of it" is dropping a concrete block in front of the vehicle to halt it: my body is going to keep going, smash through the windshield, and do a Lot more damage than say, cutting the engine and letting the car lose momentum on its own.

However, i might ask someone if something is real, if they can see something, etc. If this is the case, be honest, but dont be an asshole.

"No, I cant hear it" "no, i dont see anything jn thr sky" "no, that doesnt seem real to me".

Honest, nonjudgemental.

Its four in the morning so im gonna wrap this up, but I will leave by saying:

Someone having a crisis is as much your responsibility is as mutually agreed upon. If someone is having a psychotic episode and you insert yourself and they tell you to fuck off, even if that person gets hurt afterwards, it is not your responsibility.

Psychotic people are PEOPLE goddamnit which means we always have inate autonomy and our consent or lack therof must be obeyed. We are responsible for our actions. You are not a savior. Etc.