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skam-season4 · 7 years

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Hog the Covers

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Notes:

This was written a long time ago and I'm not re-reading it before I post it, so good luck.

Isak hogs the covers.

He claims it's because he's spent all his life sleeping alone, but Even doesn't understand that argument because, up until Isak, he usually slept alone too.

Even from the first day they shared a bed, Isak hogged the blankets, and continues to do it to this very day. It didn't matter if it was in the Kollektivet, Even's parents' house, or their own apartment. It always ends up happening.

And Even has had enough of it.

He does find it cute on some level, because he wakes up to Isak burrowed tight into a cocoon of blankets, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't freeze his ass of. Every. Single. Night.

Even has brought it up on multiple occasions, from making casual teasing jokes to "Seriously. I have to have some warmth. You don't want me dying of hypothermia in my sleep". But every time, no matter what the occasion, Isak brushes it off like a joke, or just as teasingly denies he does it.

Even has tried everything. He's let Isak take all the covers and then pulled out a new blanket just for himself. Miraculously, in the morning, it's added to the pile of blue and brown bedding that's burrito-ed around the younger boy in the morning.

He's tried lying half on top of the covers so that Isak doesn't even have enough to grasp onto when he rolls over, but somehow, he almost consciously keeps tugging the blankets until they break free and envelop him in a pocket of warmth.

He's bought them a new blanket, one that's bigger then their whole bed. He figures that even if it makes its way over to Isak's duvet castle, some of it will hang off enough that he can climb underneath it. But that didn't work either. The blanket still manages to get itself wrapped around Isak twice over.

He’s even considered pulling a Malcolm in the Middle and sewing his t - shirt to the duvet.

Even can't live like this any longer.

So, naturally, being the King of Extra, Even plans a stakeout.

He goes through the normal bedtime routine. They strip to their underwear, Even leaving his white cotton t-shirt on, they brush their teeth together, and climb under the covers. Isak lies on his stomach with his head facing Even. Even lies on his side, and soon enough, Isak drifts off into a peaceful sleep. Even, on the other hand, has only closed his eyes for a few minutes. When he is sure Isak is asleep, he reaches over onto their dresser and grabs the little pad of paper and pen, sketching to keep his mind occupied for a while.

He's filled up a few small square pages with random doodles when inevitably, Isak rolls over, yanking the blue and brown striped bedspread with him. Even glances at the clock: 1:21. He scribbles the time stamp in the margins of his doodle paper for safe keeping. Then, not being too worried about waking Isak up (because let's be honest, that kid sleeps like a rock), Even returns the paper to it's place on the nightstand, flopping back down somewhat violently onto their mattress. He grabs the extra blanket he hid under the bed in preparation and snuggles into it, knowing fully that it will end up on Isak's side of the bed in the morning, but not really giving a fuck either way. It only takes about 5 minutes for him to fall asleep.

The next morning, things go normally. Isak wakes up while Even is padding around in the kitchen making eggs. They greet each other with a "halla" and a quick peck to the lips. Isak knows there's something different with Even today. They've been together long enough now that Isak notices the slight bags under his eyes, and he can recognize all the little idiosyncrasies Even has when something's wrong. And while it doesn't necessarily seem like there is anything wrong, Isak knows he's up to something.

The next night Even does the same things, just to be sure the times are consistent. That night, Isak rolls over at 1:36.

The third night, things go more or less the same. Isak falls asleep and Even kinda pretends to be. But tonight, Even has his phone in hand instead of pen and paper. He swipes the brightness all the way down, keeping an eye on the time as he scrolls through Pinterest looking for more DIY projects for the apartment.

It's around 1:15 that he sits up a little, closing Pinterest and opening a new app in place: Snapchat.

He only downloaded it about a month ago. Or rather, Magnus took his phone and downloaded it one Friday when he was too tipsy to really think much of it. Because Magnus was the one who set it up for him, the only people he had as friends were the Boy Squad, Girl Squad, Balloon Squad, and Kollektivet and friends (plus his mom, because she's woke af). He didn't use it that much. If he was bored he'd check to see what everyone was up to.

Anyway, the point is that he only used it occasionally to talk to people one on one, and he never posted anything on his story. So, it's 1:15 and he has Snapchat open and night mode on, ready to catch the blanket hog in action. He sits there until 1:29 when Isak does roll over, and holds his thumb over the bubble at the bottom of the screen and waits for the red circle to close as Isak tosses and wraps all the covers and the whole duvet around himself. Even lets the video time out to ten seconds, puts a filter on it to make it a little brighter, and saves it to his memories.

The next morning as Isak rolls out of bed and is getting ready for school, he hears Even address him from the next room over.

"You know, you stole all the covers again last night." Isak snaps his head over to he direction of the kitchen from where he is at the table.

"Nei, I did not." He replies, his voice laced with childishness. Even returns from the kitchen with his tea mug in hand and sits down across from him.

"Ja, you did. You do every night. I freeze to death every morning, and you don't even care. You need to do something about it", Even says kind of smugly, raising his eyebrows as he sips his tea.

"Whatever", Isak says in English while narrowing his eyes. "You're just sensitive", he adds mockingly.

"You are aware that you have all the sheets wrapped around you when you wake up, right?" Even already knows he's won this argument.

"I- but- that's just- whatever", Isak sputters lamely.

Even nods in a way that seems like he just confirmed plans with a friend. Now Isak knows he's up to something.

Later that day, Isak, Even, and the rest of the Boy Squad are sitting around the courtyard chatting and eating lunch.

Jonas is retelling some anecdote about something embarrassing that happened to Magnus at a party on Saturday, Madhi occasionally interjecting a noise or a line to add the dramatic retelling. Magnus, meanwhile, sits by with a slowly reddening face as he sprinkles weak little "I did not"s and "That's not how it happened"s through the story.

Eventually the whole conversation spirals into The Best and Worst of Magnus anecdotes, which then get weaved into The Best and Worst of Isak anecdotes, because Isak is the boy's second choice of who to make fun of, Magnus claiming first of course. Jonas is currently reliving a story in which a girl in their elementary school class had a crush on Isak. Apparently, one day she tried to kiss him in the schoolyard, and he didn't know how to deal with it, so he just kicked her in the shin and walked away. All the boys thought this was extremely comical, Magnus in particular, who unnecessarily points out, "It's funny 'cause now he's with a boy now!" Even finds this whole story pretty hilarious and will definitely tease him endlessly about it later, but he has more pressing matters to attend to right now.

"Have I told you guys about Isak hogging all the blankets during the night?" Isak is immediately rolling his eyes, shaking his head, and saying, "Not this again, Even. You're so dramatic." All the boys turn to Even, Magnus' mouth hanging open slightly, all of them silently asking are you gonna do anything about this?

Even just gives a little shrug and drops it. Its okay, because he has a plan for later.

Later that evening, Isak is lying on their bed scrolling through his phone while Even sits at the table, sketching. Isak liked Vilde's latest post on Instagram, had scrolled through Facebook already, and was now checking Snapchat. Jonas posted a video of himself trying to film while skating, and ended up almost face planting. Eva posted a cute selfie of her and Penetrator Chris, Vilde posted a video of Chris talking about something weird and probably out of context, and Even posted- wait. Was he seeing this right? Even Even? Like, the Even he was dating that refused to post anything ever on his story Even? He clicks on Even's name.

Over the top of his sketchbook Even sees Isak jolt upright right before screeching an ear piercing, "EVEN! HVA FAEN!? HOW COULD YOU!?" Isak doesn't wait for an answer before he's springing up and crossing the room to Even, who is currently tipped back in his chair resting on its back legs and laughing his ass off.

"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE", Isak demands, and Even hands it over with a few more dissipating giggles. Isak opens the Snapchat app, pressing the three little dots on the right of the screen next to the My Story banner. He scrolls down and presses on the video captioned “I told you, gutta”.Upon reading who all has viewed the video (Jonas, Yousef, Madhi, Mamma <3, Mikael, Adam, Noora, Magnus, Elias, Eva, Sana, Mutta, Eskild, Linn, Vilde, and Chris. So basically, everyone that mattered), Isak lets loose another sting of profanities while slamming his fists into Even's chest and whining at the loudest possible decibel. Even is back to shaking with booming laughter while weakly trying to calm Isak down.

Needless to say, Isak will definitely get him back for this.

Notes:

I don't know if I want to continue these. We'll see.

#skam #skam fic #my fics #my fic #evak #evak fanfiction #evak fic #skam isak #isak skam #even skam #skam even #isak valtersen #isak #even #even bech naeshiem #even bech næsheim

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sanguinesprout · 7 years

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Therapy/Counselling Diary #7 (plus some small but heartening accomplishments and a few other little frustrations)

Hmm... hmm... it’s hard to say how I’m feeling right now, a strange cocktail of refreshing see sawing determination with a little kick of spicy proudness mingled in with the usual bitterness of overhanging doubt and the chill of all those nerve-wracking fears. Tastes pretty terrible, probably an acquired taste, but unique non the less. I’m no expert at all, but I’ll give it a generous 2.3 stars overall.

Last week was... it was not so bad actually (or maybe that’s just cause I’ve forgotten a lot of it already lol). I pushed myself to try harder to do some of the things my counsellor wanted me to do, what I myself wanted to do and le gasp, it happened..! I guess her hard talk really did stir something good in me after all. To put it real brief right here for now, I went out a lot more than I usually would (just mundane stuff like shopping and supermarkets tho) and I did the phone orders thing!!!1! Not once but multiple times over three days! Yaaay! But this week I need to continue it and even one up it... boooo-- uh, I mean go me!! @w@

There were times I totally copped out though and it feels bad man as usual, but I at least tried and I was able to prove some of my presumptions and preconceived thoughts mostly wrong! It’s something! It’s a big step, an accomplishment for me, don’t downplay it silly me! *pats self on back and proceeds to go in hiding again- no no!* This week is already feeling a little bleak but I just have to toast it up a little, let myself get cosy in this newer environment by just being there and exposing myself to it more. C’mon, I can do it! ^^

Okay onto the actual counselling session, which was yesterday. I literally only just made it on time, phew haha. I was a little anxious going up to the room cause there were some other people around in the corridor but w/e no1currs really and that goes for every other situation everywhere else. When you’re absorbed and focused in what you’re doing like other people are and not constantly looking around and assuming people give a damn (which they don’t) then it’s all good!

Um, anyways she did the typical ‘how are you/have you been’ and I gave her my weekly self scoring sheet but also I told her I forgot to give her that self esteem sheet and presented that too. I told her of my achievements last week and she congratulated me, told me I needed to pat myself on the back more and that she’s glad last week actually helped get me off my butt (she said she felt kinda bad about it too, but not so much now that she saw it had a good effect kind of thing too ^^). I agree last week did help, though I definitely wouldn’t wanna go through that again though lol.

We went over the cycle from before real briefly just as a reminder that actually doing things is the best way to break it and to progress and I have this homework sheet consisting of a table with columns for my preconceived thoughts of a situation (which I am to score with a percentage I believe it), my emotions and feelings that arise, and my uhh re-scores and feelings after actually facing and going through the situation. I haven’t actually looked at the sheet since yesterday so I totally winged the explanation just then lol but it’s about linking thoughts and emotions and that’s pretty much the gist of it. I’m kinda nervous about filling it in and I’m leaving it to the end of the week to do it, which is bad, but I’ll at least know what to put in it better by then hopefully.

We went over some of the things I wrote on the self esteem sheet, some of my examples for the unhelpful negative behaviours and we discussed them for a while but only got through a few. She said she’d go over the other ones next time, we agreed I should continue to do what I did last week but maybe try even harder. (There’s lots of small details in the discussions which I can’t remember properly or can’t place in the right time slot rn oh welp ><”)

Then the session ended there (15 mins early) idk why though. But now that I think about it, maybe there was nothing else left to say or not much plan or other things needed to discuss in particular for the last 3 sessions so maybe just try and stretch what content we have on hand to discuss kind of thing? Or maybe she needed to go somewhere like the toilet? lol who knows xD

I was feeling the session felt pretty short (my explanation also), but wasn’t all that bothered about it tbh, I’m not paying for it or anything and it gave me a little time to do other stuff before meeting with my sis. I plucked up the courage to go to a shop on my own again, I had a few things in mind that I actually wanted to look for which like the counsellor has said before will make it easier to motivate and immerse myself into doing things. I think I might write about this experience on the feelings-thoughts sheet.

So, I went in, a little uneasy at first, but not as much as if it would have been a place I’ve never stepped foot into before. I perused at my leisure and tried my hardest not to be overly conscious of other people around, which I noted to myself do actually going about their own stuff and don’t pay you any mind at all which lessened the nerves a lot. I found some things I wanted, and this was another relief as I always get that niggling feeling that if I leave without buying they’ll think I stole something (but looking around the internets randomly, I came to know that this is a super common feeling which is comforting and I shouldn’t worry about it too much because so what if I didn’t buy anything, I just couldn’t find anything I wanted and that is totally fine!).

Partway in the last leg of my perusing, my sis phoned me and told me to hurry up and all that stuff and it kinda made me feel real antsy. I continued looking though at a slightly faster pace but she ended up calling outside and told me to hurry up even more and was waiting for me outside so I cut my browsing short and hurried to pay and felt pretty down about it. When paying I queued up behind a group of guys and felt self-conscious but well, they no care really and I got over it and ignored the thought.

I went to the self serve till (the only kind open, so I wasn’t avoiding or anything) and proceeded to pay and I’m so glad I know how to use them as we use them most of the time my sis goes to the supermarket with me lol but I still was feeling pretty self-conscious and the ‘unexpected item in bagging area’ still gives me nerves and it happened twice to me but the assistant came over and fixed it straight away without me saying anything (which was a relief because I was feeling a little cowardly by then, but I would’ve been a little prouder of myself for actually asking).

I went with my sis to some other shops after that, I voiced that she was being quite mean on the phone and later she apologised, she was in a pretty bad mood in general and also the car park time wasn’t much and most of the bad feeling was dissolved. We then went to some other other shops with my mum in addition and I went off on my own to peruse which was nice though I couldn’t find anything I wanted, but it’s best not to waste monies on things I don’t need anyways. I got kind of sickly on the way home which wasn’t great but the general day was pretty alright.

There was somewhere else I wanted to go and me and my sis planned to go soon after but it was delayed and later I just kind of chickened out and took a nap instead :/ I was really tired and still sickly feeling though. I hope to get this sorted out this week still though, maybe I’ll tag along with my parents this time round, it’ll be okay! ^^

I also went to see a specialist doctor, I got a phone call for the appointment two days before the actual day (probably someone else cancelled) and I took it. I could’ve said no and waited even longer, but I didn’t, because health is important and should be dealt with asap! I wish I could bring myself to apply this to some of my other worries, but I’ll get there. Anyways it went alright, the typical general treatment route, but at least it’s something, now I’m waiting on my regular doc for the next steps.

The kind of funny thing is though (in reference to my last post or maybe the one before it), is that I have been recommended to take anti-depressants (BUT not for depression) they happen to help with migraines and oversensitivity which affects me all the time pretty much. A lot of medicines help with other conditions they were not primarily made for, I only realised this in the recent years lol. I’m a little wary and I’m hoping that it’ll help, maybe even kill two birds with one stone, but if it doesn’t then oh welp and onto the next thing they recommend. I want to get better every way I can and there’s no harm trying (except maybe side effects ugh) it’s just the stigma thing again, it’s... complicated .__. But it’ll be okay!

In terms of my own art and online dabblings, I actually spent two of the days I did phone orders doodling and editing stuff a little. I wasn’t really going to draw anything seriously but my non serious doodle started off pretty alright and I continued it and finished it, which I kind of felt proud of as usually I start things and never finish them because I get scared to mess it up or think it’s not good enough. It has its flaws of course, I’m such a nit picky person and I know I need to improve, but looking past these things, I really like what I did and am glad I persevered and completed it.

I also tried posting something online, not on here, but I actually did it for once at least! It was nothing amazing, in fact it was really really lame, just a scrawl from another time but I still like it and that’s all that matters, right? Right! I was really struggling over what to write in the descriptions (much like how I spend ages agonising over writing comments) and still keep feeling iffy about what I wrote but it’s actually all fine, so I should stop worrying about it! Hear that silly me? Don’t fret and don’t regret, it’s fine so keep going! :D

Some people (very few) even liked my picture and one person even commented some thumbs up emojis. It’s really nice of them ;w; I don’t think they were bots and I looked at their pages too. The person that commented has a page full of beautiful art and idk I just felt like omg ahhhh they’re so much more amazing then me and super intimidated and wasn’t sure what to do about the comment and still haven’t done anything and it’s been a few days .__.

They probably like loads of peoples stuff though, and also there’s no obligation to have to like their stuff back (though I have a feeling that’s probably why they liked my awful doodle in the first place, to draw attention to their own page, but I shouldn’t assume, that’s bad, maybe they really thought my doodle was okay and kindly wanted to encourage, who knows). I think maybe I’ll like the comment at least, I don’t want to be rude >< I’m just scared that if I do go and like their stuff, I’ll feel obligated to always do it kind of thing, I’m still just so scared of interacting with people (also this person doesn’t speak english it seems and language barriers are my death, but this person didn’t mind it, so uh uh wait I’m being such a baby again ;____;)

I’m seriously overthinking things way too much again!! I get this feeling when I think of people that may have taken their time to read my posts or even the few people that have liked a post or two. I’m seriously very very grateful and would hug you if I could but I don’t know what to do from then and it just keeps swirling and nagging me inside and I’m so sorry >< Overthinking and social awkwardness will surely be the death of me. I need to stop all the uncertainty and what ifs and silly assumptions and just do what I feel! Why is it so hard..? ;^;

I actually got so scared I didn’t post the next small doodle I wanted to, but I need to get over it and just get it done and continue and post the things I’ve really really been wanting to post for months. No one actually cares about all the silly things I think they do, I can’t read minds and I can’t go one thinking that I can. The same for just people in general irl. I was actually a little proud that I was so self-conscious out in public as much recently, that I noticed people are too busy in their own world and that I’m silly for thinking they would expend the brain energy to linger on me negatively. Another mantra sort of thing I’ve been thinking is ‘IDGAF (and no one else does)’ lolol for reals, but it seems to be pretty effective so imma keep it! :>

Losing motivation and becoming disheartened is so easy. I’m going to continue small and simple and build up from there in every aspect and it’ll get easier and I’m gonna keep my grip real tight on that motivation and determination and soak in all my accomplishments no matter how small or insignificant they seem and convert them into even more positive energy! Imma do things!! Imma do lots of things and not get mad at myself even if I don’t manage to do some of them! Baby steps is the way to go! c:

Like always I get a bit apprehensive when writing these or even thinking of doing so, but they are actually very useful! I can sift through and explore my thoughts better now and I can help re-motivate and re-direction myself with them and I even think my writing and expression in general has gotten better! It’s a good thing, it’s an achievement! Be happy silly self! ^^

Worry just makes the world seem all the more scary. Break the cycle, break the cycle, snap it to pieces, crush it into dust and let it fly away in the wind and never return! >< Keep going, reach higher, climb further (without forgetting to take rest stops in between and continue onwards with renewed vigour) past the sky and the stars, you can do it! Moar fancy fancy motivation!! x3

I guess I’ll stop here, I think I’ve got most of the stuff down and there’s stuff I wanna do now that I’ve pieced my motivation back together some ^^ When I go to my drafts to write, I see the to do/dream list I wrote last time and it reminds me of all the things I could do, it definitely needs to be tidied up but it’s nice seeing it! I’m pumped! :3

I hope things go well for myself and everyone out there, go go!

Have a great evening! C:

#therapy #avpd #anxiety #social anxiety #depression #thoughts #feelings #*pats self on back*#feels good man #keep going #break the cycle #don't give a damn about the irrational #do it all for yourself #never regret #no obligations #baby steps #try your best!#onwards to victory!

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