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stawscweam · 5 years

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The Ultimate Stand Bang List-REDONE

Here’s the complete list of Stands I would and would not bang. I used the wiki, so the list is divided in the 6 parts that have Stands. Enjoy. And stop fucking asking me who I’ll bang damn it. EDIT: Nope. Now I will bang every Stand. No exceptions. Don’t care.

EDIT EDIT: fdsalkfjsalf i deleted Standalous, so this post was lost. But never fear, I am here with the repost! I’ll add any new Stands in Jojolion when I get caught up (WHENEVER THAT WILL BE UGH SO MUCH TO DO)

Honorary Stand

KRISTOFFS-BIZARRE-ADVENTURE

Pros: Hilarious, sweet, and has a hot bod B)

Bang?: YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I WOULD, WOULD BANG

Stardust Crusaders:

Star Platinum

Pros: Hot, strong, precise, he might actually “ORAORAORA” during the do, wouldn’t that be great?

Bang?: Would bang

Hermit Purple

Pros: Bondage

Cons: Thorns

Bang?: I mean, I don’t think you can bang vines but you can use them during the act sooooo? Yeah would bang?

Magician’s Red

Pros: Hot (Like no he’s actually hot, he’s a fire chicken c’mon very warm), strong

Cons: Beak face (can’t kiss), feathers, probably get burned I don’t know

Bang?: Ye, would bang

Hierophant Green

Pros: Tentacles, bondage

Cons: Tentacles, no proper mouth so can’t kiss

Bang?: Yeah would bang

Silver Chariot

Pros: Quick and precise

Cons: He’s probably really cold unless he takes his armor off but still

Bang?: Yeah would bang he’s such a cutie

The Fool

Cons: Sand

Bang?: Would bang

Tower of Gray

Cons: It’s a beetle

Bang?: Fuck no would not bang do you want to bang a beetle I don’t fucking think so, next EDIT: NOPE. WOULD BANG A BEETLE

Dark Blue Moon

Cons: Razor scales (like ouch?), barnacles (no thank you), no proper mouth, I mean doesn’t he really only work super well in the water so like you’ll probably have to be underwater to do that and just like no EDIT: How about yes!? Underwater sex is kinky as fuck

Bang?: Would bang

Strength

Cons: It’s a fucking ship

Bang?: I’m not banging a fucking ship, would not bang EDIT: I WOULD SO FUCK A SHIP HELL YEAH

Ebony Devil

Cons: It’s like a puppet doll thing, besides hate sex ain’t my thing EDIT: Now it is

Bang?: Would bang

Yellow Temperance

Cons: It’s like…yellow goop and it eats you basically, I mean you could bang it I guess but like I wouldn’t recommend it?

Bang?: Like no, would not bang EDIT: Like yes, would so bang

Emperor

Pros: I mean, since it can home in on things, but like that’s a bullet homing in inside of you ummmm no?

Cons: It’s a gun

Bang?: I mean you could shove it up your butt, but like personally no, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, I’M SHOVING A GUN UP MY BUTT AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME

Hanged Man

Pros: Yay finally a humanoid-ish Stand!

Cons: But it’s a mummy, and like can it only fuck you through your reflection or what??

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: MIRROR SEX IS IN. WOULD BANG.

Empress

Cons: How would this even work?, like first you need the blood of the user to fall on you and then the Stand grows but like it’s not a separate entity since it’s trying to absorb you on your body and no. No.

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: I’LL MAKE IT WORK, WOULD BANG

Wheel of Fortune

Cons: It’s a fucking car

Bang?: I’m not going to bang a fucking car, would not bang EDIT: NOPE. GONNA BANG A CAR, GOODBYE

Justice

Pros: Humanoid-ish Stand again!

Cons: Too bad it’s a skeleton, a fog skeleton

Bang?: I’ll pass, would not bang, but it’s a very attractive skeleton (don’t ask me how this is possible) EDIT: I WOULD BANG A FOG SKELETON, DON’T CARE

Lovers

Cons: It’s a fucking robot mosquito

Bang?: I’m not banging a fucking robot mosquito, would not bang bye EDIT: HELLO, ROBOT MOSQUITOS ARE HOT, WOULD BANG, NO QUESTIONS

Sun

Cons: JUST FUCK A REPLICA OF THE SUN. JUST DO IT.

Bang?: Would not bang, EDIT: HOTTEST STAND THERE IS, YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I’M BANGING THE SUN B)

Death Thirteen

Bang?: Would not bang, nope let’s continue bye EDIT: CLOWN SHINIGAMI UP IN THIS BITCH!? FUUUUUUUCK YEAH LET’S GOOOOO, WOULD BANG

Judgement

Bang?: Just no, I’m not going to bang a genie type Stand, I’m just not, probably try to kill me during the whole thing nah man, would not bang, HELL 2 U EDIT: NAH WOULD BANG

High Priestess

Cons: It’s basically a mask with arms and hard as diamond teeth, that’s a big no for me

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: THAT’S A BIG YES FOR ME, KINKY AS SHIT, WOULD BANG

Geb

Cons: It’s water?

Bang?: Would not bang, I mean you could maybe I don’t really know but I wouldn’t? EDIT: I’m going to fuck water

Khnum

Cons: How would this even work? You’ll basically have to bang Oingo and sure he could transform into somebody else or whatever but no

Bang?: Nah, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Tohth

Cons: It’s a fucking book

Bang?: No man, would not bang EDIT: IM FUCKING A BOOK

Anubis

Pros: Human booooooooodeh!

Cons: Jackal head, welp can’t win em all

Bang?: Would bang, hey at this point I’m desperate

Bastet

Cons: It’s an outlet

Bang?: Would BANG

Sethan

Cons: It’s a shadow and it can quickly de-age you, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, how would you even fuck a shadow, how would you go about that?

Bang?: WOULD NOT BANG, I do not recommend this Stand EDIT: FUCK THAT, I RECOMMEND IT. WOULD BANG YEAH

Osiris

Pros: Fairly attractive

Cons: Lower half is basically mist so perhaps no “you know” to “you know” but who knows? Maybe he can materialise a lower half, dunno

Bang?: Would bang, as long as I don’t lose a bet I’m good so fuck it let’s do it

Horus

Bang?: Would bang

Atum

Pros: Fairly attractive, a lower half (which really just makes me think Osiris can form it, so hell yeah)

Bang?: Would bang

Tenore Sax

Cons: It just like creates illusions man

Bang?: Would BANG, DON’T KNOW HOW BUT YE

Cream

Pros: Big, hot (for a monster, please lower your standards if you’re even still reading this omg bless your soul)

Bang?: Would bang, hell yeah

The World

PROS: HERE HE FUCKING IS, JFC, BIG, STRONG, HOT AS FUCK, ALL OTHER STANDS SIT DOWN, YOU AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON THE WORLD

Bang?: HE CAN FUCK ME ALL NIGHT LONG, ALL DAY LONG, OH MY GOD YES, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Diamond Is Unbreakable:

Crazy Diamond

Pros: Big, strong, hot, he can basically heal you if things get a little too rough I mean what

Bang?: Oh fuck yeah, would bang

The Hand

Pros: Big, strong, fairly attractive for a Stand

Bang?: Would bang

Echoes

Pros: Act 3 would probably be really vocal, so that could be fun

Cons: Act 1 and 2 aren’t all that human-like so

Bang?: Would bang Act 3

Heaven’s Door

Pros: Could probably read how you like it and stuff, he’s cute

Bang?: Would bang

Aqua Necklace

Cons: I mean it has a humanoid figure but it’s still like liquid

Bang?: Would bang

Bad Company

Pros: I’m sure I can find an army of little men useful in some way *wiggles eyebrows*

Cons: They’re little men so you can’t really bang em??

Bang?: Would bang, I can think of uses for them so

Red Hot Chili Pepper

Cons: Pretty fucking ugly, no proper mouth

Bang?: Would not bang, I mean you can but I won’t EDIT: I WILL. WOULD BANG

The Lock

Cons: It’s basically a fucking lock?

Bang?: Um no?, would not bang EDIT: UM YES? WOULD BANG A LOCK

Surface

Pros: Okay but like you could have it mimic yourself, you could literally fuck yourself, you could let it mimic somebody else and unlike Oingo’s, you’ll be fucking the Stand not the user! How great is that!?!?!?!?!?!?

Bang?: HELL YEAH, would bang

Love Deluxe

Cons: Uhh it’s hair

Bang?: I’m not fucking hair, would not bang EDIT: IM FUCKING HAIR, IT’S DONE

Pearl Jam

Pros: Okay but get this what if you’re giving Tonio head and you swallow and he has his Pearl Jam inside his “stuff”, it could like cure you of whatever ailment you have, right? Man I don’t know but think about it, or what if you’re eating out somebody? I mean just think about it, that’s all I’m asking

Cons: They’re like little cute tomato onion things?

Bang?: Would bang, the uses are there just think on it okay

Ratt

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: STILL WOULD NOT BANG

Harvest

Bang?: Would not bang, man hell no I’m not even going to put thought into this one (Sorry I really don’t like this Stand, I don’t even know why) EDIT: ACTUALLY YEAH I STILL REALLY HATE THIS STAND SO NO, STILL WOULD NOT BANG

Cinderella

Pros: She’s pretty

Cons: But no proper mouth

Bang?: Sure, would bang

Boy II Man

Pros: Kind of attractive I guess

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: Would bang

Highway Star

Pros: Mmmmmm hot body, proper mouth!!!, fairly attractive

Bang?: Would bang

Super Fly

Cons: It’s a fucking telephone tower man

Bang?: Man no, would not bang, get outta here EDIT: HELLLLLLLLL YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, FUCKING A TOWER IS EASIER THAN FUCKING A SHIP, GET OUTTA HERE MYSELF, WOULD BANG

Enigma

Pros: Pretty attractive actually, nice body

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: I mean yeah why not, would bang

Cheap Trick

Bang?: Fuck off no, would not bang EDIT: FUCK YEAH WOULD BANG

Atom Heart Father

Bang?: EWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOO, would not bang EDIT: EWWWWWW YEEEEESSSSSS, WOULD BANG

Stray Cat

Bang?: Would not bang, WHO THE FUCK WOULD BANG A PLANT CAT? EDIT: I FUCKING WOULD???? WOULD BANG

Killer Queen

PROS: HERE’S THE MAIN BAE, AHHHH FUCKING YEAH, FUCKING HOT AS SHIT, THIGHS, ABS, MUSCULAR, HE’S A KITTY, BEAUTIFUL EYES, I COULD GO ON

Bang?: OH FUCKING HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER LET’S GO, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG, new meaning to “Sex Bomb” AMIRITE!?

Vento Aureo:

Gold Experience

Pros: He’s a wittle cutie pie and has a nice wittle bod (I don’t know why I’m babying him, I just really love GE), okay but with his powers, I’m pretty sure you would have the best orgasm of your life (hah) if he hits you with his life powers, since your senses are heightened, just think about it alright

Bang?: Hell yeah, would bang

Sticky Fingers

Pros: Hot, nice body, *unzips dick*

Bang?: Oh yeah, would bang

Aerosmith

Cons: It’s a fucking toy airplane

Bang?: I’m fucking a toy airplane, would bang

Moody Blues

Pros: He’s pretty fucking hot to be honest with you guys, probably could relive past bangs with his rebroadcasting ability, I mean I’m just saying

Cons: No proper mouth tho, such a shame

Bang?: Would bang

Sex Pistols

Bang?: WOULD NOT BANG, they’re my precious little babies I could never!!! Nooooooooo!!!!, I mean I can think of some uses for them BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO EDIT: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WOULD BANG

Purple Haze

Pros: Fuuuuuuuuck PH is so fucking attractive all around, probably crazy in bed too mmm

Cons: His mouth is like stitched up but I find that hot too, BUT UHM HIS VIRUS???????, but with PH Distortion I guess this can be avoided since the viruses like eat each other?? But still would be scared to, but it would be worth it in the end (at least for me anyway)

Bang?: Would bang, probably die in the end, but oh man so fucking worth it just look at him

Spice Girl

Pros: She’s so beautiful oh my gooooooooood

Bang?: Please yes, would bang, definitely

Black Sabbath

Pros: He has a mouth and everything I guess

Cons: But he’s not really all that attractive

Bang?: Uhm, I’ll just say no, would not bang EDIT: MMMMMMMM YES WOULD BANG

Soft Machine

Pros: Pretty attractive

Cons: No proper mouth man

Bang?: Yeah, would bang, I wonder how you could use his deflating ability in a kinky way hmm

Kraft Work

Cons: Kind of scary tbh

Bang?: Nah, would not bang EDIT: YAH, WOULD BANG

Little Feet

Cons: Really scary looking

Bang?: No thank you, would not bang, but I can think of some uses for that shrinking power let me tell you EDIT: yes thank you, would bang

Man in the Mirror

Pros: Loving the shades holy shit, that’s hot

Cons: No proper mouth :[

Bang?: Yeah, would bang

Mr. President

Bang?: I’M NOT FUCKING A TURTLE, GET OUT, WOULD NOT BANG EDIT: WELL YEAH STILL WOULD NOT BANG

The Grateful Dead

Pros: Tentacles?

Cons: I mean, if you’re doing the frick frack with him and his whole power depends on body heat and like nooooooooo, do the “thing” and you’ll age hella fast nooooo would not recommend

Bang?: Noooooooo, would not bang EDIT: PLEASE YES WOULD BANG

Beach Boy

Cons: Ehm, it’s a fishing rod

Bang?: I personally would not bang, but hey each to their own, shove it up somewhere man I don’t know EDIT: I’M SHOVING IT UP MY SOMEWHERE ALRIGHT, WOULD BANG

Baby Face

Pros/Cons: To be honest, it just depends on who the mother is since he gets his personality from her, but hey he’s cute so

Bang?: Why not, would bang

White Album

Cons: Ghiaccio wore it, so???????? I mean? I don’t really know?

Bang?: I’m not sure? I would love to bang Ghiaccio but this is a Stand bang list damn it so uhhhh????????, would bang?

Clash

Bang?: I’m not fucking a fish shark thing, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Talking Head

Bang?: Ewww no, would not bang, how would that even work EDIT: I DON’T KNOW BUT WOULD BANG

Notorious B.I.G.

Bang?: Noooooooooooooooooooo, would not bang, again how would this even work it’s like a fucking creature thing like no and it like attacks things that move so if you try to bang it might kill you??? or like I don’t even know just no EDIT: IM FUCKING B.I.G.

Metallica

Bang?: I love this Stand so much, but NOPE, WOULD NOT BANG, HOW EVEN WORK, DUNNO, DON’T WANNA KNOW, I’M NOT REALLY INTO BLOOD PLAY???, NEXT EDIT: FUCKING THEM, WOULD BANG

Green Day

Cons: Kinda creepy looking and like mold???? No thank you

Bang?: Would bang EDIT: B)

Oasis

Cons: Again Secco wears it so uhhh????

Bang?: No, would not bang, not even the user hell no EDIT: WOULD BANG, still not the user tho

Chariot Requiem

Pros: He’s really cool looking

Bang?: I mean why not man, would bang

Gold Experience Requiem

Pros: Mmmm fuck me GER, he’s so hot

Bang?: You fucking know it, would bang

Rolling Stones

Cons: It’s like a fucking rock what the fuck would you even do with it

Bang?: No, would not bang EDIT: FUCKING A ROCK LET’S GO, WOULD BANG

King Crimson

PROS: *FANS SELF*, OH FUCK, HERE HE IS, OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS, HE’S SO HOT, HE’S JUST SO FUCKING HOT, HIS BODY, HIS TWO FACES (PERPETUALLY PISSED OFF), HIS CALVES, I LOVE KC’S LEGS SO MUCH YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

BANG?: FUCKING HELL YES YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOOOOOOOW, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Stone Ocean:

Stone Free

Pros: HER SHAAAAAAAADES, she’s so fucking beautiful, also bondage

Bang?: Fuck yes, would bang

Kiss

Pros: She’s fucking hot bruh

Bang?: Yuh, would bang

Burning Down the House

Cons: Isn’t it a fucking room??

Bang?: I mean I guess you could bang inside the room, maybe on top of the piano and shit but no, would not bang? EDIT: WOULD BANG

Foo Fighters

Bang?: FF is basically sentient plankton and I love her, but no, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG FF

Weather Report

Pros: He’s so fucking cute

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: Yessssssss, would bang

Diver Down

Pros: I love Double D, he’s so cute!!!

Cons: Again no proper mouth

Bang?: Yup, would bang

Goo Goo Dolls

Cons: Creepy as shit

Bang?: Noooo, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Manhattan Transfer

Cons: It’s a fucking thing! I don’t what to call it but it’s a thing!

Bang?: It’s a fucking thing I don’t know! No, would not bang! I don’t even know what it is! Love the user tho EDIT: I’M FUCKING A THING, WOULD BANG

Highway to Hell

Bang?: Would not bang, how even EDIT: I DUNNO BUT WOULD BANG

Marilyn Manson

Pros: Humanoid body

Cons: Kinda ugly tho, no proper mouth

Bang?: Nah, would not bang EDIT: YAH, WOULD BANG

Jumpin’ Jack Flash

Cons: Isn’t it a fucking suit thing too???

Bang?: Would bang

Limp Bizkit

Cons: It’s basically just an ability, no physical form

Bang?: No, I would have to fuck an invisible corpse, like jfc I’ll pass thank you, would not bang EDIT: WELL. YEAH IT IS AN ABILITY. SO…YEAH NO.

Survivor

Cons: It’s a fucking thing as well!!!!

Bang?: NO! It would just turn the sex extremely violent and someone will end up dead or something, I do not recommend this Stand, would not bang EDIT: FUCK IT, WOULD BANG. DEATH BY BANGING

Planet Waves

Pros: Pretty hot

Cons: Face kinda ugly tho

Bang?: Yeah, would bang

Dragon’s Dream

Bang?: Would not bang, just…no bye EDIT: YES HELLO, WOULD BANG

Yo-Yo Ma

Bang?: Nah he ugly, would bang EDIT: B)

Green, Green Grass of Home

Cons: You wouldn’t even be able to approach him???

Bang?: How!? Would not bang, even if he didn’t activate his power still would not bang, he’s creepy looking, love the Stand tho EDIT: BEING CREEPY IS A TURN ON, WOULD BANG

Jail House Lock

Cons: Ugly as fuck bruh

Bang?: Nah son, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Bohemian Rhapsody

Bang?: I mean, it can bring characters to life but you’re fated to what their story is and just nooooooo thank you, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, HELLO? EVER HEARD OF ROLEPLAYING!?!?!??

Sky High

Cons: It’s a fucking beetle and rods ewwwww

Bang?: No, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, if i can bang a robot mosquito i can bang anything

Under World

Pros: Pretty cute

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: I guess, would bang

Whitesnake

PROS: OH FUCK ME, THERE HE FUCKING IS, OH GOD, OH GOOOOOOOD, HE’S SO FUCKING HOT THO, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO ATTRACTIVE, HIS BODY, HIS VOICE, HIS PERSONALITY, UGH, UGGGGGGHHHHHHH I’M FUCKING BLUSHING HOLY SHIT

BANG?: PFFFFFT NO SHIT SHERLOCK, PUT ME IN A THREESOME WITH THE WORLD AND WHITESNAKE, FUCKING DO IT, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

C-Moon

PROS: MMMMMMM I FIND C-MOON SO ATTRACTIVE I’M SO SORRY

BANG?: PLEASE YES FUCK ME PLEASE, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Made in Heaven

PROS: HE’S PRETTY FUCKING CUTE I WON’T LIE

CONS: HIS LOWER HALF IS A HORSE HEAD AND LEGS??????

BANG?: I MEAN, NO, BUT HE’S STILL ONE OF MY FAVOURITE STANDS, BUT NO, WOULD NOT BANG EDIT: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I WOULD SO BANG MIH GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Steel Ball Run (EDIT: Actually SBR Stands are so different so most of these won’t be edited):

Scan

Bang?: Uh. How would this even…no, would not bang

Ball Breaker

Bang?: *scratches head* No, would not bang

Tusk

Bang?: I find all Acts of Tusk extremely adorable, but no would not bang any of them EDIT: UHM. YES WOULD BANG ALL OF THEM BYE

Ticket to Ride

Bang?: It’s not really a Stand like the others with a physical form like Star Platinum or something you wear like White Album, so would not bang, SBR is being difficult oh my god

Cream Starter

Cons: It’s a fucking spray can?

Bang?: Would not bang a fucking spray can

Oh! Lonesome Me

Cons: SBR hates me. It’s not like fucking ugh it just allows Tim to separate his body parts with rope and shit man, no physical form

Bang?: Nooooooo, would not bang, can’t bang??? Would bang Tim tho but like he’s not a Stand

Hey Ya!

Cons: Ugly and creepy looking but thank you for being a Stand I can comprehend banging!

Bang?: Would not bang

Boku no Rhythm wo Kiitekure

Bang?: It was like little time bombs with pins and shit man, no, would not bang, damn it SBR

20th Century Boy

Bang?: *bangs head against desk* Again, you like wear it? Soooooo???? Would not bang

Wired

Bang?: Hooks man, no man, just no. Would not bang

Mandom

Pros: I mean, he doesn’t really have a face but he’s cute in his own way

Cons: I mean, he doesn’t really have a face? Or a body?

Bang?: I mean, how would even bang him? Would not bang?

Catch the Rainbow

Cons: It’s a mask

Bang?: No, it’s a mask. Would not bang

Tubular Bells

Bang?: It’s more of an ability than anything, no physical form a fucking again so no, would not bang, c’mon SBR be nice to me

Scary Monsters

Bang?: I AM NOT BANGING DINOSAURS, NO, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BYE, BYEEEEEEEE, WOULD NOT BANG, WOULD NOT RECOMMEND, MOVING ON

In a Silent Way

Cons: Creeps me the fuck out

Bang?: Naaaaaah, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Tomb of the Boom

Bang?: Nah fuck that it ugly looking, would not bang, next

Tatoo You!

Bang?: Would not bang

Sugar Mountain

Cons: FUCK A TREE. JUST FUCKING DO IT. GO AHEAD.

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: I’M FUCKING A TREE

Civil War

Pros: Humanoid figure!

Cons: Scary looking tho

Bang?: Would not bang

Chocolate Disco

Cons: Uh. It’s like arm grid thing.

Bang?: Uh. No. Would not bang

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

PROS: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL FUCKING RIIIIIIIIGHT, HERE HE IS, HERE HE FUCKING IS, THE ONE AND ONLY BUNNY, SO HOT, SO GODDAMN HOT, AND HIS BUNNY EARS JUST LOOK AT EM, AND A NICE FUCKING BOD, could probably have an orgy with the user too if you want since parallel worlds and what not

CONS: NO PROPER MOUTH THO

BANG?: YA DARN FUCKING RIGHT, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

JoJolion:

Soft & Wet

Pros: S&W is actually the cutest fucking thing, look at him, precious baby!!!! He has a great butt too

Cons: Poor baby has no proper mouth

Bang?: Totes, would bang, pretty sure you could come up with some kinky stuff with his ability to temporary take something away too

Fun Fun Fun

Bang?: No man, would not bang EDIT: YES MAN, WOULD BANG

California King Bed

Pros: Pretty cute

Cons: Uhhh no proper body

Bang?: Nah man, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Paisley Park

Pros: She’s pretty cute too

Cons: No proper mouth, a shame

Bang?: Sure, would bang

Born This Way

Pros: Humanoid figure

Cons: Ugly

Bang?: Would bang EDIT: B)

Les Feuilles

Bang?: Fucking eww no, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, KINKY

Nut King Call

Pros: Humanoid figure!

Cons: Ugly!

Bang?: Would not bang, but I love the Stand EDIT: SHUT UP, WOULD BANG

Paper Moon King

Cons: FUCK ORIGAMI. FUCK YEAH.

Bang?: Would bang EDIT: FUCKING ORIGAMI B)

I Am a Rock

Pros: Okay but what if he uses his selective attraction on his own spiked dick or something and hits your sweet spot or whatever without fail as y’all are doing “the thing”, tbh I’m just spouting shit because I’m pretty sure nobody has read now this far

Cons: Those spikes look like they’ll be painful man

Bang?: Love the Stand, love the user, but would not bang EDIT: BE QUIET, WOULD BANG

King Nothing

Pros: Pretty cute actually

Cons: No proper mouth and…puzzle pieces

Bang?: I don’t think it would be comfortable? Would not bang? EDIT: BEING COMFORTABLE IS FOR CHUMPS, WOULD BANG

—

I’M FUCKING DONE I’M GOING TO CRY THIS TOOK TOO LONG OH MY GOD

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #standcest #your resident number one stand fucker is back in town #rambles

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