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ab-artist · 5 years

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Trick or Treat

My Sanders Stories tag: @allycat31415 @ninjago2020 @ajdraws0430 @singingjo @detroit-become-pan

@katatles-the-fish @sanders-trash-4ever @izzyfandoms

By AB Stories

WARNING: tiny sides, mention of poisoned candies and predators, nervousness, screaming/yelling, moxiety and roceit if you squint, POOR WRITING

You Have Been Warned.

"Hey! Everyone come down here for a minute!"

Virgil paused in his reading. The voice sounded like Roman's, virgil debated for a second whether to continue reading his R.L. Stine book or actually go down.

"Kiddos! Roman has a surprise for us!"

Welp, guess he's gonna read another time. Can't say no to patton.

When virgil made it to the common room, he saw patton enthusiastically talking to logan, who looked a little out of his league trying to calmly talk back. Virgil could only guess that patton was trying to get logan on board with what he wants by bombarding logan with his excitement. This is why you dont say no to patton, you're gonna end up saying yes anyways. (Unless youre truly uncomfortable or can't, whatever patton is doing always end up being enjoyable)

"Virgil!". At the sound of his name, he is pulled out his thoughts and sees roman.

"So glad that you're here, i had an amazing idea! And i do hope you'll participate!" roman exclaims excitedly

"Well, whats the idea?" virgil asks

Roman bounces in place, obviously excited to share his wonderful idea. "We're gonna go trick or treating in the imagination!" he squeals "as children too!"

....we're gonna what now?

Virgil simply stares at the creative side as he processes what he just heard.

Well, he thinks, its not a bad idea. That is usually what one does on Halloween, if you're a kid. But roman said they would be going as children so...its fine right? But the imagination could be dangerous, monsters could appear, the dragon witch could appear, and poisoned candy, and predators, and- no. This is romans imagination, he can make it whatever he wants. He could make it safe. Yeah..its sounds fun too.

Virgil blinks as he comes to a decision, only to notice everyone staring at him. "What?"

"Kiddo, you've been standing there frozen-"

"With the most enraged expression that could bring even the dragon witch to her knees" roman interrupts

"-for that past five minutes" patton continues, ignoring the interruption

"Oh.." virgil rubs the back of his neck, a little embarrassed he did that

"What were you thinking about, kiddo?"

"Roman's idea"

Roman fidgets, smiling shyly "..do you like it?"

Virgil had forgotten how nervous roman gets about people liking his ideas, he grins "yeah, it sounds like fun"

Roman beams, excitedly jumping again. "Oh this is wonderful! Its gonna be so much fun! Youre coming too right logan?". Logan side glances at patton nervously, "indeed." "GREAT! We'll meet back down here at 9 pm, be ready in y'alls costumes!" roman yells as races up the stairs heading to his room.

------

At 9pm on the dot, virgil appears in the common room in costume. First one here huh?

As soon as he thought that, he hears someone descending the stairs.

Patton was walking with the grace of an angel. His cat bug dress flowing around above his knees and his wings bouncing with each step he took. He looked utterly adorable. He and virgil made eye contact and virgil was about to compliment him when-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! CREEPY CRAWLER!!!!!!!!"

Patton fled to the kitchen to hide, nearly tripping on himself. "Wait- pat- its me virgil!" he calls out. Green eyes peer around the corner.

"My dark strange Vee?"

"Y-yeah"

"You look very, very scary....good job."

"I could change...if you want"

Patton lunges forward "NO! uh- i mean- you look good, its halloween, you're supposed to be sca-scary..or cute" patton stutters

Virgil blinks. "Oh well, thanks...you look cute..btw.."

A blush spreads across pat's cheeks. "..thank you"

"UGH! get a room you two! Gag!"

They both turn to the sound of the voice and see roman at the bottom of the stairs in all his costume glory. His Kusco costume a vibrant red, accentuating the curves of his body. His make-up lighting up his face.

"By the way," he purrs, " i looove both of y'alls costumes". He looks down at virgil pants, purple with red lines around the rips, curiosity taking over his features "what kind of spider are you stormcloud?"

"A peacock spider"

Virgil proceeds to throws his hands up in a U form and simply stares at them.

Roman leans over, stage whispering to patton, "why is he doing that, its weirding me out"

A voice cuts in from behind. "That is the Maratus volans, or peacock spider, mating dance. Although you are doing it wrong virgil, the spiders vibrate to catch the attention of a mate and then they raise the legs for display and move side to side". Logan steps down from where he was standing on the stairs.

Virgil quickly drops his arm. "ITS A MATING DANCE!!" he screeches, voice rising on 'mating'.

Logan tilts his head "you didnt know?"

"Look virgil i love you and all but im not interested", mischief fills his eyes, he leans closer "but i doubt patton minds" he whispers

Virgil flushes, "sh-shut up, you idiot!". Virgil grabs a couch pillow and flings it roman. Roman squawks.

Patton turns to logan, leaving the other two to banter.

"Who are you, lo?"

"The Doctor"

"Doctor who??"

"Yes"

"...no i meant- oh..", realization dawns on patton, he smiles, "you look great lo!"

Logan nods "Thank you, you look very good as well"

"Thank you!" pat chirps

"Virgil look your boyfriend is cheating on you-" WHACK.

"we arent dating!!" virgil yelps, furiously blushing

The other side also is as red as a tomato, staring at the other two with wide eyes.

Surely roman wasnt implying virgil liked him, that not true right? Virgil couldnt possibly like him back. Wait does that mean virgil knows about how he feels? Oh god no, he's gonna be rejected and they're gonna stop being friends and-

"BOO!"

Everybody screams.

Deceit cackles while the other try to get their hearts to stop pounding at their chests. "If you guys aren't done, i wouldn't like to get going" deceit say after he stops laughing

Roman perks up, "OHMYGOSH! Are you Bill Cipher!!"

"No" he proudly, posing a little bit

Roman squeals "I love you costume, you look so good!"

Deceit's cheek go little pink. "Lets not get going" he says, pointedly avoiding looking at roman.

----

When they get to roman's door, roman preceeds to knock on it.

Tap taptaptap tap!

It glows for a few seconds then opens.

One the other side is a neighborhood, houses decked out in decorations, kids and families dressed in costumes. The smell of candy and the sound of laughter filling the air. It looked absolutely amazing, the people looked happy, the decorations looked scary and almost real and some were just cute looking.

"After you" roman says

Patton steps through first, his size immediately shrinking and shrinking until he looked like a child.

Patton looks at his tiny body, "oh woah!" he squeals in his now squeaky voice, he turns back to everyone, "come on guys!"

And one by one the other stepped through the doorway and turned into a child. Once everyone was through the door closed and disappeared.

"Yo-you can make it come back...wight?" virgil asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice as he glances where the door once was.

"Of couwse" roman assures

"TIME TO TWICK OR TWEAT!" patton squeals

And off they went, starting with the house closest to them. Roman had made this world so that all houses has all the good candies and no spiders, theres nothing to wowwy about pat-pat!

They're knocking on the door, to the house they're at at the moment, excited for more candy, when the door opens.

"Dwagon witch!!" roman yells

Virgil puts an arm around pat and hold him closer. All of them looking ready to bolt(except roman who looks ready to fight)

The dragon witch just laughs, amusement in her eyes. "Worry not little prince", roman pouts at that, "im not here to ruin your night. I too, enjoy this night and simply wished to participate". She turned around to grab something, the small prince tensed, and turned back with a small cauldron. Full of candy.

All the sides yelled 'CANDY' when they saw.

"Of course you must say the magic words to receive some" the dragon witch said

"TWICK O TWEAT!!!"

After everyone got their candy, they thanked the dragon witch and started to leave. Except roman. Roman went up to the dragon witch and tugged on her dress.

"Yes, young prince?"

Roman didnt say anything. He just away and, to her surprised, hugged her.

"Thank you" he whispered quietly before running off back to his friends.

The dragon witch closed her door with a small smile on her face.

It was nearing the end of the night and everyone had long since grown tired. Pat was dragging his feet, virgil was cranky, deceit was pretending he wasn't tired, logan looked dead on his feet, and roman was shifting from foot to foot because his feet hurt.

"Who wants to go home?" the little prince tiredly asked

A chorus of 'me' rang about.

"O-...okay" roman yawned

He snapped his fingers and the door appeared.

It took much effort to walk to and through the door. Everyone turned back to their right age immediately after they passed through the door and then trudged to their rooms. Mumbles of 'goodnight' filled the air.

In the morning everyone will join up in the common room and sort through their candy, eating some along the way. But for now they'll go to sleep after an awesome night of trick-or-treating.

AN: idk where the moxiety and roceit came from, it just happened 💜💛 💚💖

#my sanders sides story #my post #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides #moxiety #roceit #doctor who #bill cipher #catbug #spiders #emperor new groove #halloween special

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gravity-falls-musical-official · 7 years

Text

Scene List

Gravity Falls Musical Final

Scene One – Mabel and Dipper sing a song that introduces a bunch of the characters and the Journal. First half of the song is Dipper and Mabel’s opinion of the summer (Dipper: kill me now before I go insane. Mabel: Oh my gosh this is gonna be awesome!). BREAK: Dipper finds the journal. Second half of the song: suddenly, everything is weird, monsters, ghosts, and spells. It’s crazy! (Dipper: So much to explore! Mabel: Ooh! Vampire teenage boys!) NOTE: Mabel already has Waddles, Robbie is dating Wendy, Gideon has already been met. :: 3.5 minutes Survive the Summer (Dipper, Mabel, Stan)

Scene Two – Gideon shows up for his date with Mabel. :: 2.5 minutes Just a Widdle Love Song (Gideon, Ensemble)

Scene Three – Dipper is working in the Mystery Shack as the “half boy, half wolf” and he starts to complain about the fake attractions to Stan. He could catch something easily! Stan sings. Mabel returns home and tells Dipper what happened. Dipper tells her that he’ll break up with Gideon for her. :: 4 minutes Nobody Wants to Know the Truth (Stan, Ensemble)

Scene Four – Dipper goes to get Gideon to break up with Mabel. Gideon gets angry and uses his powers to attack him. Meanwhile, Mabel talks to Wendy about what she should do. Mabel makes a decision and bursts in just in time to save Dipper. She lectures Gideon and the twins leave. Gideon mutters a threat and, after they leave, he takes out his journal. :: 5 minutes

Scene Five – Stan tells Dipper to go do a hard chore. He does it while grumbling. Dipper leaves the room and the Journal drops out of his hands. It opens to a page that talks about another hiding spot near the place he first found his Journal. He, Mabel and Soos decide to go and investigate. :: 3 minutes The Author (Dipper, Mabel)

Scene Six – Mabel, Soos, and Dipper find the laptop near the Journal’s first hiding spot. Soos says that he can fix it up. Then, Mabel and Soos go outside to see if Soos can lick his elbow and discover Gideon making a deal with Bill Cipher. He makes a deal with the demon and Mabel/Soos return to the Shack and try to help Stan. :: 5 minutes Do We Have A Deal? (Bill, Gideon)

Scene Seven – Mabel and Soos return to the Shack and warn Dipper about the danger Stan’s in, but Dipper seems…reluctant. Nevertheless, they enter Stan’s mind. Dreamscaperers events play out, what with Dipper finding out the real reason why Stan keeps making him do all of the hard chores. They defeat Bill and return to the 3rd dimension, when Gideon takes the deed to the Shack and kicks them out. :: 6 minutes

Scene Eight – Soos takes them to his house and Stan gets a call from Dipper and Mabel’s parents. He assures them that Dipper and Mabel are fine and lies obviously. He wonders about what he’s going to do. He’s about to tell Dipper and Mabel something, but they’re gone. :: 1 minute

Scene Nine – Gideon tells his parents why he wanted the Shack – he wants to find the last Journal (Journal 1). Dipper and Mabel try and steal the deed, but they’re caught. Gideon gets the third Journal from Dipper. Dipper and Mabel are kicked out. Gideon finds that there are three Journals and comes to the conclusion that Dipper must have the first one. He goes after them. :: 6 minutes

Scene Ten – Dipper and Mabel get on the bus. They’re on their way back when the bus stops suddenly. Gideon uses his amulet to grab Mabel and trap Dipper. Dipper escapes and manages to beat him and save Mabel. Mabel in turn saves him with her grappling hook. The police arrest Gideon for attacking the Pines twins and Dipper and Mabel are town heroes. :: 5 minutes

Scene Eleven – The Pines family returns to the Mystery Shack. Dipper shows Stan the Journal and Stan takes it and leaves. Soos gives a fixed laptop back to Dipper, who makes a vow to finally get to the bottom of who the author is. :: 3 minutes

Scene Twelve – Stan goes into the basement and starts the portal again. :: 1 minute

44 MINUTE MARK

Scene Thirteen – From Dipper and Mabel’s conversation, we pick up that the events of Gideon Rises happened a week prior. Mabel is sowing sock puppets for her newest crush, Gabe, and Dipper is trying to hack into the computer (unsuccessfully). He slips into the Mindscape, where Bill makes his deal. Dipper refuses and jolts awake. :: 4 minutes Do We Have A Deal? Reprise (Bill)

Scene Fourteen – Mabel and Stan are in the kitchen, Dipper comes in. Mabel bails out on Dipper, instead choosing to work on her Sock Opera. They argue and Dipper, enraged, leaves to try and crack the passcode on his own. :: 2 minutes

Scene Fifteen – (Explained in song) Dipper tries once too many and triggers a data erase in five minutes with one more try. He consents to Bill’s deal and becomes Bill’s puppet (unintentionally). Bill explains that Dipper’s getting too close to some major answers, and he needs to destroy everything. He destroys the laptop and finds out that Mabel took Dipper’s Journal for her play. :: 4 minutes Just A Puppet (Bill, Dipper)

Scene Sixteen – Mabel’s play is about to start. Dipper tells her what happened and she says that she’ll help him. She defeats Bill before the play starts by tickling him. :: 4 minutes

Scene Seventeen – The twins return home to find Stan getting arrested. They’re put in a car and they watch the whole scene unfold. Stan is taken off stage. They figure that they can prove Stan’s innocence by finding the security tapes. They rush inside (note: the following events happen downstage. The curtain is closed, the twins downstage right, Stan coming back and going downstage left) and find a lot of surprising evidence against Stan. Focus switches to Stan, who is handcuffed in a chair. He escapes and races offstage. Mabel finds the code and they go to the vending machine, where Soos is guarding it. They punch in the code and descend (curtain opens to reveal the portal). They find the other two journals and are about to shut down the portal when Grunkle Stan comes in. They break into song. Mabel chooses not to shut down the portal and Ford comes out of it. :: 7 minutes Trust No One/I Trust You (Dipper, Mabel, Stan)

INTERMISSION - 1 HOUR 05 MINUTE MARK

Scene Eighteen – The men break into a duet when Ford and Stan explain things. The family gets rid of the agents outside and the brothers have a bit of a talk. A Tale of Two Stans (Stan, Ford, Ensemble) :: 3 minutes

Scene Nineteen – Dipper and Mabel come down the next morning and start talking to Stan. Mabel starts talking excitedly about how their birthday is only a few days away! Ford suddenly bursts in with the cycloptopus. He catches it and retreats back into the basement, leaving a disappointed Dipper. :: 5 minutes The Author Reprise (Dipper, Stan)

Scene Twenty – Ford devises a plan to keep Bill out of the Shack, and Mabel goes out to get unicorn hair. :: 2 minutes

Scene Twenty-One – Ford takes Dipper with him to Bill-proof his mind. Dipper uncovers parts of Ford’s past. Ford explains in a song and shows Dipper the Rift – it’s cracking. Mabel bursts in with the unicorn hair. Ford does something with it and it supposedly protects the Shack. :: 3 minutes Trust No One (Ford, Bill)

Scene Twenty-Two – Dipper and Ford go out and go into the UFO under the town to patch the rift. Ford sings Apprentice to Dipper, but mid-song, a piece of tech comes alive and grabs Ford. Ford is dragged offstage, and Dipper rushes after him. :: 3 minutes Apprentice (Ford)

Scene Twenty-Three – Mabel comes on and sings “Growing Up.” She goes from being excited to being very sad. She hears the Reprise over walkie talkie and runs off. :: 4 minutes Growing Up (Mabel, Wendy, Soos, Ensemble)

(JOIN WITH SCENE TWENTY-THREE) Scene Twenty-Four – Dipper comes back on, chasing Ford. He frees his uncle and accepts Ford’s apprenticeship. :: 3 minutes Apprentice Reprise (Ford, Dipper)

Scene Twenty-Five – Dipper comes back, but Mabel runs off. :: 1 minute

Scene Twenty-Six – Mabel is confronted by an obviously disguised Bill. She gives him the Rift and Weirdmageddon starts. Mabel is put in the bubble. :: 3 minutes

1 HOUR 32 MINUTE MARK

Scene Twenty-Six – A very beaten-up Dipper takes shelter in the mall and tries to call Mabel. He tries to find her. He explains that it’s been three days (plus what happened when Bill found him and Ford is explained). He bumps into Wendy. The two talk and make a plan. They go offstage. :: 3 minutes

Scene Twenty-Seven – Wendy and Dipper get to Mabel’s bubble. Dipper tells her to wait – he’ll convince Mabel to leave. He goes into the bubble. :: 1 minutes

Scene Twenty-Eight – Dipper goes in and the twins sing a duet about growing up. They end up leaving together. :: 3 minutes Fantasy vs. Reality (Dipper, Mabel)

Scene Twenty-Nine – Quick. Dipper and Mabel come out and they meet up with Wendy. They go offstage. :: 1 minute

Scene Thirty – Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy arrive at the Mystery Shack. They go inside to find that Stan, Soos, and other townsfolk are there. Tearful reunion! Soon sees that Dipper is injured and he brings the twins up to their old room in the attic. Soos gets Dipper all bandaged up. Stan puts the two to bed and sings a song. Dipper and Mabel wake up and Mabel goes on Dipper’s bed. They sing a duet and go offstage with an idea. :: 6 minutes What Could I Have Done? (Stan) Survive the Summer Reprise (Dipper, Mabel)

Scene Thirty-One – Dipper and Mabel tell the survivors their plan. The ensemble sings a song as they build the Shacktron. :: 4 minutes Take Back the Falls (Ensemble)

Scene Thirty-Two – Bill fights against the Shacktron and the infiltration team sneaks in. They unfreeze everybody and form the circle (Pacifica’s role in this musical is questionable), but it doesn’t work due to sibling bickering. Everyone (except the Pines family) is frozen by Bill. Dipper and Mabel decide to take on Bill. Bill rushes after them as they run offstage. The Stan brothers try to think of a plan. Dipper and Mabel run back in and realize that they’ve gone in a big circle. Bill catches them and grabs them. He taunts “Ford” (“I think I’m gonna kill one of them now, just for the heck of it!”) and the grunkle stops him. Stans pull the switch and Ford erases Bill out of Stan’s mindscape, also erasing Stan’s memory in the process. Weirdmageddon disappears and everyone returns back to normal. Mabel refuses to believe that Stan is gone for good. She pulls Stan offstage and Dipper, Ford, and Soos follow. :: 8 minutes

Scene Thirty-Three – The newscaster reports on all of the major events of the Post-Weirdmageddon Era. First off, Stan managed to recover his memory! They also cover the twins’ birthday party. Stan and Ford made their big announcement, and Soos became the new Mister Mystery. :: 1 minute

Scene Thirty-Four – The twins say their goodbyes. :: 3 minutes Growing Up Reprise (Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Ford, Wendy, Ensemble)

END - 2 HOUR 02 MINUTE MARK

Tag list: @somer-joure @kerbabbles

#draft

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

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Whistle Down the Wind

by Dan H

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Dan on The Name of the Wind, with reference to Superman, Macgyver and Roger Rabbit.~

While I was reading The Name of the Wind (which is called The Name of the Wind, and not In the Name of the Wind, despite the fact that I keep on being tempted to call it that) I stopped every thirty seven seconds to inform my girlfriend that I just didn't know what to make of it. I've finished it now, and I still don't know what to make of it.

So you should have a pretty good idea of what to expect from this review. Plus, y'know, spoilers.

A comedian, I think it was either Phil Jupitus or Bill Bailey (one of the Never Mind the Buzzcocksteam captains anyway) once observed that he had loved Captain Scarlet as a kid, but had always found himself with the same old problem. Captain Scarlet would get into trouble and he'd think "oh no, how's he going to get out of this?" Then he'd realize "oh yeah, he's indestructible." Yes, it was a joke. Yes, Phil or Bill or whoever it was, was mostly just trying to get a laugh, and yes in fact the way you deal with that sort of problem is by having Other Things at Stake but it does highlight a serious underlying problem.

The Name of the Wind is a peculiar book (which is part of why it's causing such a stir at the moment). It is primarily told in the first person, but unusually for a book with first-person narration, the narration is actually contextualized. The book begins with a simple village inn in a simple, grimy fantasy world. The text draws our attention to the barman, a man named "Kote". Although he seems no more than a simple innkeeper, we know there's more to him than that - he has red hair for a start, and under Article Five of the Fantasy Literature Act of 1972 it is illegal to have a redhead in a fantasy novel who isn't Totally Special (Ron Weasley slipped through the net due to the Sidekick Exemption Clause).

The town has the usual small-town worries: bad roads, a hard winter, attacks by demonic creatures, that sort of thing. The demonic creatures (who aren't really demons, they're creatures called "skraelings") have already jumped one villager, who escaped more by good luck than good judgment, and there's probably more coming. Simple Innkeeper Kote heads out into the woods in the dead of night and slaughters them in single combat, and this prompts a meeting with a travelling Chronicler called Chronicler, who has come to the sleepy village looking for a legendary hero called Kvothe who, surprise surprise, turns out to be one and the same as our mild mannered flame-haired barkeep.

It's here that the story switches to first-person narration, where it stays for the rest of the book. Kvothe arranges to dictate his entire life story to the Chronicler over the course of three days (which, it seems likely, will correspond to three books). In the course of this negotiation we establish several very important things about the book. Firstly, that it's going to be Kvothe's story as narrated by Kvothe. Secondly, that the Chronicler is a renowned debunker whose great passion is seeking out the truth behind legends (this will become A Theme). Thirdly, and most importantly, we learn that Kvothe is totally awesome at everything. We witness Kvothe cracking the shorthand-like cipher in which the Chronicler writes his notes with a speed and efficiency that makes the Universal Translator look plausible, and we learn a little of his dazzling exploits:

I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity ad my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age that most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep. You may have heard of me.

Now as the book progresses, we learn that at least some of these claims are not all they seem - Kvothe doesn't so much burn down Trebon as happen to be nearby while it gets burned down by a third party. He gets expelled from the university, but his expulsion is suspended as a matter of course. This is part of the second point established above: the book is basically all about the boundaries between myth and reality, men and legends. Regardless of all that though, the fact remains that Kvothe is totally awesome at everything, and that lies at the heart of my problems with the book.

I should say now, in case it gets lost in all the nitpicking, carping, and pettifogging, that The Name of the Wind is genuinely good and highly readable. It's one of those fantasy books which you can compare to serious literature without sounding totally risible. It deals intelligently with its themes and ideas, its characters are fairly well realized, and it's obviously going somewhere quite interesting.

None of that, however, gets me past the Captain Scarlet problem. "Oh no! how is Kvothe going to get out of this? Oh yeah, he's totally awesome at everything."

Long time Ferretbrainers, or people who know me in real life, will probably be aware that I have a George Silver-like fondness for identifying paradoxes: contradictions which it amuses me to highlight and declare irreconcilable. Kvothe is the perfect example of something I might glibly call the "Macgyver Paradox".

It is widely accepted that a hero who merely has unlimited power isn't interesting to write or read about. There's a reason that Lord of the Rings focuses on Frodo instead of Gandalf, or that Feist no longer writes books about Milamber. If a character can just wave a magic wand and make all his problems go away, he can't face any meaningful obstacles, and if he can't face any meaningful obstacles, he can't have any meaningful development as a character. Unfortunately, people assume that this very sensible, very important rule only applies to supernatural sources of power. Worse, they tend to assume that the best way to avoid relying on supernatural sources of power is to make their character "resourceful".

Of course, there's a giant problem with "resourceful" characters, which is that they wind up being exactly like the all powerful characters only worse. Sure, Superman can force majeure his way out of most situations, but it's relatively easy to think of situations where it would not be helpful or desirable for him to rely on his superpowers. It is much, much harder to think of a problem where it isn't helpful or desirable to "come up with a really clever plan". By trying to create a hero who relies on ingenuity instead of superpowers, all you do is turn ingenuity into a superpower. If Macgyver and Superman were both trapped in a sealed room that was slowly filling up with gas, it's Superman who would be in the most trouble. Sure he could bust his way out, but that might detonate the gas and kill a bunch of innocent people. Macgyver on the other hand can just use the gas to jury-rig a blowtorch, thereby getting himself out of the room and taking care of the explosives in one fell swoop. There's a reason that Batman beats Superman in The Dark Knight Returns: power is always finite, but "resourcefulness" is unlimited.

I suppose I should explain what all this has to do with The Name of the Wind. Basically the book concerns itself with Kvothe's origin story. He is raised as a wandering player, amongst the "Emera Ruh," a race of travelling performers who I won't describe as "Gypsy-like" since I know bugger all about Romany culture. It's no big spoiler to tell you that his idyllic childhood is cut short when his troupe is slaughtered by a group of quasi-mythical demonic entities called the Chandrian (the name seems to be plural). After this he lives wild in the woods for almost a year until he finally breaks two strings on his lute and heads off to the big city to get some more. Here he gets mugged and beaten up in short order (losing his lute in the process), and spends the next three years as a beggar living a horrible, Dickensian hand-to-mouth existence.

So far, so good, except that this goes on for nearly a third of the book, with very little real progress being made, and then suddenly he encounters a storyteller and then apparently "his mind wakes up" and he bluffs his way off of the streets and into comparative wealth and comfort, literally overnight (he pawns a book he's been holding onto for sentimental reasons, and then gets a bunch of free clothes by impersonating a nobleman). If it sounds jarring, it is. It's like that scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit: "You mean you could have done that at any time?" "Not at any time, only when it was funny."

This pattern continues throughout the rest of the book. Kvothe gets into a bad situation, and then he gets out of it by being totally awesome at everything. Then fate (or his enemies or, dare I say it, the necessity of the plot) gets him into another bad situation, and he gets out of it by being totally awesome at everything. Even that I could almost forgive, except that everything follows the same awkward, jarring pattern as his years as a beggar: helpless ... helpless ... helpless ... totally awesome at everything ... helpless ... helpless.

After he stops being a beggar, Kvothe manages to persuade the University not only to let him in, but also to pay him for the privilege. Here he picks up the obligatory High School Enemy, an obscenely wealthy, obscenely influential nobleman by the name of Ambrose. Perhaps I'd have been more sympathetic towards this plotline if it hadn't been done in ... well ... every single boarding school based story ever. It's got to the stage where I can't even distinguish between the descriptions of Ambrose, that dude from the Black Magician Trilogy, and Draco Malfoy any more (I think they're all blonde, but they all run together in my head). Like all Boarding School Rivals, he's somehow powerful enough to totally wreck Kvothe's life, yet also clearly totally inferior to him in every way.

For example, as part of his continuing struggle to stave off starvation, Kvothe takes to playing his lute at a highly prestigious local music venue. Not only does he wow the audience by playing the single most difficult song in the world ever, but when Ambrose tries to sabotage him by magically cutting one of his lute strings, he completes the song anyway, thereby making people even more impressed at how totally awesome at everything he is. However, his plan to use this event as a springboard to find a noble patron is thwarted because Ambrose tells all the nobles not to support him.

Okay, fine, Ambrose is rich and powerful, but are you honestly telling me that his family has no enemies whatsoever? That there isn't one nobleman in the whole damn city who don't think that ticking off some uppity brat is a fair price to pay for being able to get one of the greatest musicians who ever lived playing at your banquets? (Seriously, when Kvothe plays his lute, people practically ejaculate into their pants he's that good). Is there nobody out there in the cutthroat world of noble politicking who would actually relish the opportunity to piss off Ambrose's family, with an orgasm-inducingly awesome pet musician as an added bonus?

Like with

my review

of the Age of the Five trilogy, I've had to take a step back from what I've just said to think to myself "god, when you write it all down like that it just looks absurd". Kvothe is a musical genius with an eidetic memory, precocious magical talent, wisdom beyond his years (the book constantly tells us how totally young he is " the broken down world weary version we see in the inn is only twenty-five), limitless courage, and infinite resourcefulness who only suffers setbacks at all because the rest of the world goes out of its way to screw him over. Hell, he's supposed to be so cool that he's literally reciting the entire damned novel from memory. The fact that this kind of thing works at all and is in fact quite entertaining to read about is testimony to the genuine merits the book possesses.

When all is said and done, The Name of the Wind is a genuinely engaging, genuinely interesting Fantasy novel. I genuinely enjoyed it and would genuinely recommend it but, as you might have gathered from the fact that I wound up using the word "genuinely" four times in the last sentence, I'm still hugely confused about it (genuinely confused, in fact). I really, really hope that the "Kingkiller Chronicles" (the name of the series, in case I didn't mention) will turn out to be the classic everybody is predicting. I really hope that Kvothe's ludicrously expanding skillset won't start to become annoying and implausible (or rather, more implausible). I really hope that we'll actually find out something about the goddamned Chandrian in the next book. I kind of hope that it will turn out that Kvothe has been totally lying about a lot of this stuff, but I don't think that will happen.

The Name of the Wind (no "In", remember) is an entirely readable, quite well-written book that raises some interesting questions about the boundaries between history and legend, reality and myth. Its protagonist is remarkably likable given that he's a colossal Genioos. The plot is remarkably engaging given that nothing much happens. I'll certainly be picking up the next volume in the hope that I might be able to make some goddamned sense of it all.Themes:

Books

Sci-fi / Fantasy

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Rami

at 14:30 on 2008-07-23I'm glad you liked it! Kvothe's total awesomeness made even me, gushy and enthusiastic as I

tend to be, think twice

-- but I really can't wait for the next one... in

a few months' time

, anyway...

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Michal

at 07:44 on 2011-07-02Hmm, I've avoided this book so far for the somewhat silly reason that one of the interior cover blurbs is from Robert J. Sawyer...I've found a strange correlation between "books I dislike" and "has blurb by Robert J. Sawyer", but I really should just give it a shot.

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Dan H

at 12:03 on 2011-07-02I wasn't sure who Robert J. Sawyer was, so I looked him up on Wikipedia and:

a) Wow, he *really* looks like Steven Merchant

b) OMG! He's the guy who wrote that book Kyra's got on her to-read pile about the blind girl who has experimental surgery which allows her to SEE THE INTERNETS!

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Michal

at 16:44 on 2011-07-02

He also nearly ruined my childhood.

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Alasdair Czyrnyj

at 01:12 on 2011-07-03Sawyer also tends to push the "science vs. religion" pretty hard in science/rationalism/whatever's favor in most everything he writes, but he doesn't really understand religion enough to criticize it effectively, so it just comes off as a strawman-fest.

Wow, he *really* looks like Steven Merchant

Really? I thought he was tubbier than Stephen Merchant.

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Vermisvere

at 03:24 on 2011-07-03

Sawyer also tends to push the "science vs. religion" pretty hard in science/rationalism/whatever's favor in most everything he writes

I'd probably be best off avoiding it then. I found that a lot of the books that I read which have the "science vs. religion" concept in them tend to, at one point or another, grind to a painful halt in terms of plot and turn into a mish-mash fest of mental wanking where the characters turn into your average 6th graders debating theology.

Angels and Demons by Dan Brown is a good example. *shudder*

Wow, he *really* looks like Steven Merchant

Hey, he does too!

Well, whadya know...

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Michal

at 04:15 on 2012-01-20Well, I finally gave it a go. Got about 70-some pages in before I gave up.

I think it was the bit where Kvothe deciphers the Chronicler's super-duper-complicated shorthand system in a matter of minutes that had me let out my first gigantic groan. But on a less superficial level, it was just pretty clear that the book was Not For Me.

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Dan H

at 10:14 on 2012-01-20I think that's a fair assessment. This is one of those books where people will tell you to stick with it because it gets better, when in reality it just gets more like itself, which means people who like it start to like it more, while people who don't like it get more and more irritated.

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Dan H

at 20:18 on 2012-01-20Double-posting like a noob, it occurs to me that the bit where he deciphers the Chronicler's shorthand system is a particularly sensible breaking point, because it's not amenable to all of the "unreliable narrator" arguments that apply to most of the rest of Kvothe's Mary Sue qualities. He might be lying about everything else, but he can't be lying about that.

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Michal

at 05:14 on 2012-01-21Well, I did feel particularly sensible at that moment. The framing narrative, at least from my meagre experience of the book, seems to serve more to affirm Kvothe's awesomeness rather than subvert it (he, like, kills demon spiders and knows magic and is super-smart and stuff!).

Are there any inconsistencies in Kvothe's narrative in this book or the next one? Because his voice, when telling this story, is essentially the same as that in the frame, but with an "I" swapped in for the "he". The guy recalls long inconsequential conversations his parents had when he was young in a way that doesn't suggest he's just embellishing and making shit up on the fly. And yes, this is typical of first-person narratives, but I've only really seen bad historical fiction framed in such fashion (

Aztec

comes to mind), and in those cases, we're meant to trust the tale-teller's perfect recall.

I have a feeling I've been spoiled in thast few books I've read that used the first person, and was just disoriented by the fact that no, I

didn't

need to pay close attention and peel back the narrative voice to find out what was really going on. No "wait, the towers are space ships?" moments in

The Name of the Wind

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Dan H

at 21:15 on 2012-01-21

There aren't any inconsistencies I can recall (although I might be missing something super-duper subtle). And you're right that there's no meaningful difference between the third-person narration and Kvothe's narration. As with most framing devices, Rothfuss only really pays lip-service to the notion that Kvothe is supposed to be reciting this story from memory.

#Ferretbrain #The Kingkiller Chronicle #Patrick Rothfuss #Dan H

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