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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 1 month

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Jed MacKay you are a GENIUS.

New Moon Knight out today (no major spoilers, I promise).

Moon Knight is dead. GENERALLY there are five issues in every collected trade. We're on issue three and I just figured out what he's doing. Maybe I'm a little slow and this has already been discussed somewhere, but give me this moment.

MacKay has already noted that he is going to be addressing each member of the Midnight Mission in each issue over the loss of Marc. Each issue is named after who is reflecting over their relationship and the loss of Marc. What I didn't realize?

Issue one: Reese

Issue Two: Tigra

Issue Three: Soldier (We are currently here 03/20/24)

Issue Four: Hunter's Moon

If you've been reading the issues as they come out you might have noticed each character is dealing with the loss of Marc in their own way. Reese is convinced he's going to come back. Tigra is enraged and wants revenge and violence. Soldier believes he should have been the one to die and (ITTY BITTY SPOILER) is negotiating with people to stop the pretend Moon Knight. MacKay has already noted in an interview that Badr is sad about the loss of another Fist of Khonshu and that he could be the last Fist of Khonshu without the ability to make more.

Huh. Those are some pretty strong emotions. Wait a minute. What are the five stages of grief?

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. ......But wait a minute... Who's getting the last issue? Who is getting number 5? The most important stage of grief? Who is getting Acceptance?

Here's the real kicker.

I don't think we are getting Acceptance.

You see, a big event is brewing at Marvel. A Marvel Event. This means a huge upheaval in all the comics is about to happen and all side comics are going to have to do tie in responses to the event. But this event has been sneaking into the Moon Knight main plot for some time now.

Ever heard of Blade?

Blade was a HUGE deal back in the day. And since Marvel has Been introducing and reintroducing the comics to the big screen. Blade had his run back in the day, but old fans have been begging for Blade to get rebooted for some time.

And they brought him back to the comics. Specifically... They introduced him into Moon Knight comics when he trained Reese. And then they have been having Vampire plot points for ages.

There's a new event happening called Blood Hunt and Issue 5 and 6 are a direct response to this event. And while it fits in with the plot, there is no direct title name like the other four.

So where is the Acceptance? A run isn't 7 issues long. It's rare to get 6. So either this is a break and a side step to deal with the event and we'll get back to the main plot of figuring out the new Moon Knight identity in issue 7, which would actually be the issue 5 conclusion....

Or....

Who needs Acceptance when the one we grieve isn't dead?

#moon knight #Moon Knight comics #Marc Spector #Jed Mackay #Sneaky genius #I miss Marc #I miss Jake #I miss Steven #Someone should mourn Jake and Steven #They deserve to be loved and missed too #Soldier broke me though #I love him #I could sing praise about his issue forever

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onyxwolf21 · 5 years

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On Brody Stevens, Suicide, and Depression

If you are in trouble, please visit: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Yesterday, Brody Stevens, an amazing performer and comedian, (and incredible athlete, as I’ve gathered he would wish to be noted) took his own life. I personally didn’t know him that well, but I’ve found myself deeply affected by the event. Why? I suppose I can blame Twitter, the vast majority of celebrities and comedians I follow in there have joined together in an outpouring of love and mutual grief of the likes that I’ve never quite seen before. And perhaps that’s why it has hit me so hard. I’m at a time in my life where I find myself, and many of my friends wrestling with these dark thoughts of letting it all go. Many of us are just as loved as Brody was, and we all have gifts that we could potentially be sharing with the world. Brody was a man who would get up on a stage and scream the actual word POSITIVITY at audiences, and you can tell he meant it. You could tell he truly wanted to believe it. He is a man who was open about his inner demons, he even worked himself being diagnosed with bipolar disorder into an episode of his television show. I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of depression and suicide lately, and to see someone so loved, so talented fall into its grip has crystalized some of these thoughts for me. It doesn’t matter how much you are loved. It doesn’t matter that you could have some of the most famous people in the world rush to your home with one phone call to be there for you. It doesn’t matter how amongst the best in your field, you still are the standout, the guy nobody else dares to follow, yet somehow be such a gifted performer that if someone did follow you, you’d have set them up perfectly. It just doesn’t matter how great your life seems.

I read a story about Brody forcing a friend of his to apologize to a worker at McDonald’s after he felt the friend had been short with the worker, and not just apologize, but raise enough of a ruckus that the entire building gathered around to witness a moment of apology and forgiveness (A story by Auggie Smith on Twitter). This was a man who affected people’s lives in the best possible way, and a man who has left a hole in countless people’s hearts that will never be truly full again. And on some level, I’m sure he knew that. Yet that internal battle still finally won out in the end. It terrifies me. Personally, I don’t believe I’ve experienced the depths of darkness that I’m sure Brody did, but I do still have a comprehension of how alone we can feel in those moments. The way our minds can tell us, no matter how many people have said to our faces, “I love you,” that day, that nobody really cares, nobody really understands, and maybe, just maybe, the world would be better off without us. Or maybe wouldn’t everything be so, so much easier if it were all over? The true bliss of being lost in a fantasy of not having to face the next day is a siren’s song that many people have finally fallen victim to. In our weakest moments, at the end of that downward spiral, that can seem like the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s what I’m afraid of. Not just for myself, but for my friends who struggle with these thoughts. That’s the underlying sadness I see in people’s words, as they express their grief at Brody’s passing, and share his best moments that he gifted us with. That they couldn’t stop it. They couldn’t help him in the end. For Brody, his struggle is over. We don’t mourn for him. We mourn for ourselves, living in world where he isn’t around anymore. To make us laugh. To spread joy. To call us out on our bullshit when we mouth off to an employee just trying to do their job. It’s selfish in a way. I found myself thinking, “How could someone so talented, with so much to share and show the world leave us?” And I realized that was a selfish thought. It’s a thought that doesn’t understand the pain that person is going through. Often, the most talented people in the world are the one’s going through the most. These are people who experience pain in a way few others can, and that constant exposure is why they create such amazing art, but it’s also the source of the extreme sadness they must battle every day.

Suicide is not cowardice. It’s perhaps the bravest thing you can do, take that leap into the great beyond, not truly knowing what is waiting for you there. Perhaps it’s nothing. And perhaps that’s the most comforting thought of all. These are the things our brains tell us, that the pain can all just over, and before we realize what we’ve done, it’s just that. Done. We all go through low points in our lives. We lose jobs. We lose people. Relationships. We find ourselves at a point where everything seems lost, nothing seems like it’s going right, and it certainly doesn’t seem like it’s going to get better anytime soon. If you are at the point, me saying “I swear it will get better,” will seem like a bitter, unswallowable pill. It might even make you angry. Good. Hold onto that anger. Be angry at me, or that person who said that to you, not yourself. It’s better than being lost in the sadness. Ask me just how in the hell is it supposed to get better. Maybe I won’t have the answer right away. But let’s figure it out. Together.

I say all of this not to sound hopeless, but in an attempt to understand what would cause something like this. I believe that if we acknowledge the truth of why this happens, indeed why it keeps happening, maybe we can find a way to fight it. Depression can claim anyone’s life, no matter how beloved they are. And that’s important to understand. And my go to response was to always say, you have so much to give, please don’t leave us. But a person in that moment certainly isn’t thinking, “I have so much left to give.” In fact, that thought might even make it worse. Part of the reason I am writing all of this out, is an attempt to understand, and an attempt to come up with some answers, but I don’t have them. All I can think to say when something like this happens, is do your best to be there for each other. Even the most positive people in your life are likely struggling with things that would bring you to your knees in an instant. That’s why they are so kind, so empathetic. They don’t want anyone to feel the way they do, and some make it their life’s mission to combat that for others. The brightest lights shine the most in the darkness.

What haunts me is in these moments, is that all we can do is tell our loved ones we love them a little more, and share suicide hotlines with one another. And we should. Quite frankly, we are all going to die someday, what is stopping you from telling your friends you love them? Embarrassment? What a silly fear in a world where we must all face our mortality someday. Suicide hotlines have helped people, they’ve absolutely saved lives. But I also worry, in our darkest moments, that doesn’t register as an option. I hope it does. I hope if anyone reads this, if you ever find yourself in that place, seeing death as the only way out of your misery, I hope against hope, that as you start to take your steps down that tunnel to that light, you see another. Along the side of that tunnel. A small note that says: I love you. You can call me anytime, I’ll be there for you. Or, if you want to talk to a professional, here’s their number: 1-800-273-8255. Call. There’s another way, we promise, no matter what. Our love is not conditional. We don’t love you because of what you can do, but just because you are you. You could give up EVERYTHING today, and we will still love you. Just don’t give up your life.

Love, Jake

P.S. I would like to say I of course do not know Brody Stevens personally, and I hope that no one is offended by any of my speculation into his life. I’m deeply saddened by his loss, and the raw emotion of the loved one’s he has left behind has left me in tears, I’ve never felt such pain from people before. That’s why I was compelled to write all of this down. I think about how I would feel if someone I loved that much left us, and it knocks the air from my lungs. The helplessness and grief is absolutely a selfish feeling, but fuck it, if I can weaponize the selfishness of not wanting to experience the loss of someone in my life and help them, then I absolutely will. I’m here for you, and the small comfort I take even at my lowest points is knowing that deep down, I have people that are there for me in the same way. And if you don’t share that feeling, I swear, just reach out. Even if it’s a stranger on a hotline, there’s good people in this world who want to help you. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter what evils you’ve seen and experienced, choose to hold onto the good if you can. That dark tunnel doesn’t have to stay dark. Someone will come along with a light of their own to share with you, I promise. My only hope in writing all of this down is that someone may see this, and either understand what others are going through, or if they are going through this themselves, know that this doesn’t have to be the end. It can be the beginning of something new and wonderful. Don’t leave just yet. Please.

#suicide #ripbrodystevens #brodystevens #depression

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team-adults-blog · 7 years

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4.04 A Lie Guarded

[More like ALIE Guarded mmmhhhhmmmm. I see what you did there.]

Now featuring 3 convenient plot headings this week because we jumped around so much!

Arkadia:

Jasper with the comic relief- Jaha go float yourself. Hah. Ok, but after 6 months I’m sure some of the people from the ark have learned how to swim. Maybe not well. Jaha certainly hasn’t learned; he was out in the desert poking at landmines. Also Jasper drugged him to get him out there? That’s a little scary, bud.

“Bellamy should be back by now” poor Clarke. Left behind by bell and her mom’s tech crew to ALIE’s Island. Reverse engineer it from Luna, but is Luna cool with that? Parallels to Mount Weather. Kane wanted to donate blood marrow, but it would never have been enough. Fortunately for Luna, only a small sample of her blood should be needed for reverse engineering.

Clarke saying her mom isn’t a geneticist either is pretty dumb because Abby actually went through all her medical training on the Ark. Clarke is smart but didn’t. You’re upset that you don’t really have anything important to do at the moment, but don’t act like a brat. Sometimes I feel I’m too hard on Clarke, she’s constantly making the best of crappy situations, but I feel she can handle my criticism.

Black Rain- ok but how do they know if the clouds should look different from regular rain? Honestly.

Harper won’t let Monty save Jasper- Jasper scares the shit out of them like a jerk. No a funny prank like Jaha.

Jasper talks Monty into pranking Clarke. Jasper finds Clarkes list. Clarke def should have at least put it in a drawer instead of almost plain sight. Yes, technically Monty and Jasper shouldn’t be in the chancellor’s office, but you’ve got to do better than that. For plot purposes I understand I had to be open enough to be found so that people can get upset, but it was careless. Also Clarke is so serious did you honestly think pranking her would go over well?

Monty and Miller senior not on the list! You don’t get to act on Kane’s authority and shocklash Jasper, Clarke. You freaked out and made a rash decision. You’re going too far and you can’t hide behind Kane’s name. Monty trusts Clarke when other people don’t, partially because he’s seen her have to struggle with the big decisions

OF frickin’ COURSE doctor mom Abby Griffin is first on the list with her children Eric Jackson (HE HAS A FIRST NAME!) and Raven.

Riley don’t drag Darcy. I’ve had enough of you and you’re in 5 more episodes. I bet you die. I have no emotional attachment to you yet.

Say what you want about Jaha, but he’s got charisma and his preachy butt saved Clarke. This is why Clarke doesn’t lead well alone; she makes the hard decisions, but she doesn’t inspire people to follow her. That’s what Bellamy does. And the adult leaders too.

“He used to be everything I hated, maybe he was keeping us together” what a compliment. Clarke’s shifted from Jake Griffin’s daughter who wanted to tell everyone of the air leak on the Ark to closer to Jaha’s wanting to keep it a secret. I don’t think she’ll ever go full Jaha because she has people calling her out all the time and Bellamy to balance her. I’m with Jasper that she should reevaluate the situation and herself if Jaha is looking like the ideal leader.

The Adventures of dad!Kane and his kiddos, the Blakes:

“I wish I were with you” “me too” “stay safe, Abby” “you stay safe too” UGH. I have a head canon they radio good night and reminders to eat and fluff like that. Love it. But I doubt either of them will actually stay safe. They’re risk takers.

Dad!Kane. “what did I do now”- Octavia. It’s lecture timeeee.

Omg when she tries to leave and he says “Sit down” whoaaa 1) she sits down. She does exactly what she’s told. Octavia is an assassin but she listens to dad!Kane and I find that hilarious. 2) He hasn’t used that angry tone in a while and wowieee I did not know I missed it. Boss more people around. ¿Escupir fuego, no? One of the consequences for killing people is that O has to go home. Aka grounded, but away from the grounders. Da dun tshhhhhh. Thank you, thank you.

Kane is in full-on dad! mode for the entire episode. I love it. Some kid named Stevens (don’t get too attached because p soon his head won’t be, amiright? Offensive and inaccurate. he only got his throat slit. sorry.) and Bellamy got captured. That’s where he is Clarke, you were right to worry. Dad!Kane rushes to his son to check on him. *Face cradle* He knows the other kid too, but Bell will always come first. Duh. Roan fears assention, Kane has to explain metabolism, lol. This whole show is a great social comment on trying to save the earth with nature stacked against you. Plus having to get other (nations) to work with you and try to solve this problem that affects them too. #goodstuff.

Alliance Broken. #notgood. Abby needed you to keep the peace so that her engineered nightblood could go to everyone. Bell and Kane hostages. Octavia and Indra to be hunted down. Not a good situation. That’s why honesty and forwardness is so important. parallel Jake Griffin, Raven Reyes

Echo gives Octavia three chances to come quietly. She clearly doesn’t want to do this Octavia

Bell x Kane in Jail

Such faith in Abby. This is the relationship I’m here for. I love Kane. Dad!Kane trying to reassure his son. His disbelief blink™ at Roan. Like TF you mean you’re going to take over my home? Where my wife and children live? Priceless. ANOTHER reiteration of there has to be another way. I’m all about these lines and themes popping up. Kabby’s faith in finding the best solution is what I’m here for. Also the live tweets between Paige and Ian killed me:

I can’t handle this. I can’t handle this AT ALL.

Remember when Echo wanted to be Bell’s friend? I think she’s finally realizing that after killing Octavia, this will never happen. She’s clearly emotional about having to tell him. And even if she disliked Octavia, Echo clearly respected her as a warrior.

Give Bob Morley an Emmy.

Kane in his “hands on forehead= distressed” pose. Someone comfort them. Kane is having such a hard time keeping both of the Blakes safe and happy at the same time. I feel for him.

Here comes Helios, the best character of all. I’d better not get too attached because I doubt he made Clarke’s list. There are rocks down there. It looks to be over 200 ft. she would have broken something. It looked like she landed on her back. The 100 writers, are you aware of physics and the force of gravity accelerating Octavia’s body at 9.8m/s2 over this 200 ft cliff? Bellyflops hurt at 4 ft above the water because of surface tension. Imagine that pain multiplied by the heightened acceleration. I can’t believe O is unharmed enough to pull herself up onto Helios while possibly bleeding out from the side wound.

It’s so terrible (and good tv) that everyone thinks Octavia is dead. We get to see Bellamy mourn during a time when he has to stay focused on saving his people from Ice Nation and the radiation. No doubt Kane feels somewhat responsible for sending her away, but if she was in Polis she would have bee A) a prisoner with them- good.. or B) killed because she’s too much of a risk/ threat. Dramatic Irony is such a basic and useful plot device. We just want to tell them SHE’S ALIVE before they go too far down a potentially bad path. I think it would be really cool if she made it to Niylah or Trikru first and recovered there before going on to Arkadia. Then she can stroll in for the war all “Surprise, bitch. Did you miss me?” If this goes down, we get emotional character development of Bellamy, Indra, Kane and more! And then hopefully a fam reunion scene where they’re all so happy to have her back. The grounders are for sure giving her a new nickname. Say goodbye to Skairippah and hello to the grounder equivalent of Skai-back-from-the-dead.

DOCTOR TECH SQUAD:

Jackson, my sweet angel, checking on Raven. He’s not being a jerk like Nate is 2 minutes later about it. Everyone loves you and is concerned and it sucks because that sets you apart. I get it. People need to learn more subtle ways to check on you.

Luna says she has no choice to Nyko… UH OHH Mt. Weather call-backs.

Don’t pass the line. All I was thinking about was Lost during this scene. Here come the drones. I know they can be useful for stuff, but weaponized drones are scary af. Plus it’s creepy that they have cameras and can spy on you with no serious consequences. They give me anxiety in real life.

Nate. You’re now on my bad list for a while because it took you TEN SHOTS to shoot down the drone while NYKO. MY HERO. Is killed. Cryin. Emori wants Murphy to ditch Abby? Oh heck no, she adopted him.

Raven shot at Luna. Wow. She did that. She continued to point the gun at her the whole time they were talking, risky.

“Jackson’s hit”-Nate

“What do you mean Jackson’s hit?!?”- Concerned doctor mom

ABBY YOU SHOULD NOT DRAW THE DRONE’S FIRE. I GET IT, SAVE JACKSON. THIS IS EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT “STAY SAFE MEANS.” Kabby will always put others before themselves. I love this, but it’s also worrisome and dangerous. Also Jackson’s like Abby. No. Don’t. my frail heart.

“Luna, I’m sorry about Nyko.” Me too Abby. He was your friend! There was mutual respect as healers. Nyko knows all the plants and herbal medicines while Abby has all the sophisticated technology and a different set of knowledge. I’m pissed that dynamic of different knowledge getting used together only got to be explored a little before they killed my man. L

What a cool looking lab. Abby and Raven super excited, lil’ happy grins. So nice to see. I’m looking forward to the call backs of them working together as they did on the escape pod in S1. Let the sass and problem solving begin!

With that said, I have some serious science questions about the process of reverse engineering nightblood to put in people’s bodies. Could non-nightbloods reject the nightblood? If it is its own sugar coating on blood cells genotype, which it must be because it’s some sort of recessive trait, they’d have to make different forms for each of the grounder and Ark blood types (I list them separate because they’ve had different levels of radiation). I don’t know a lot about the processes at play here, but my limited science brain wants to know the nitty-gritty of how this gets explained.

Up Next:

Roan is due for his radiation attack soon. Abby better get on that nightblood serum fast. I feel like his past medical involvement with Abby means that he’ll be more inclined to trust her and be one of the first to become a nightblood, despite protests from Echo. This is a risk for him- if it fails he’s dead and loses power. If it works he’s seen a Mr. Fearless and a good leader.

I find myself hating Jaha’s character less and less. I know, I know, but hear me out, OK? Part of that is definitely because he’s interacting in interesting ways with Clarke and the others. He’s plot relevant. Part of it is the way Clarke/Bellamy/Raven/all the delinquents are being set up to fall into different schools of thought on openness in leadership roles in the way that Jake Griffin/Abby/Jaha did before Jake was floated. No one is ever going to be full Jaha, because he distanced himself while in power so that he’d be able to put aside his personal feelings for someone so he could float them if needed. Everyone else in the show has at least one other person they can connect to and lean on. Parallels are so fun. Quali-tea writing.

The next ep is called Tinder Box, which I am 100% sure is not about “how people meet. It’s like real life, but better.” Lol sounds like CoL. Probs some box of fire starters. Almost all the faves look like they’re in it. My prediction is that Bellamy and Kane make it back to Arkadia with Azgeda. Clarke then has to step in and try and save her fam. I have a feeling the doctor-tech squad will stay at Becca/ ALIE’s island working as a separate plot, even if they find out what’s been happening with everyone else. It should push them to work faster + feels too soon for a Kabby reunion. Poor Clarke has to do all the heavy lifting again. Maybe someday she can just go draw in the woods.

WHICH REMINDS ME! I would love if the Eden Tree popped back up. Like if Kane has been going off and taking care of it this whole time (not likely because he’s been imprisoned like 4 times) and we see that. OR- equally excited but in a visual emotional way- when the radiation hit and we see fire or this black rain destroying everything and the camera pans to the Eden Tree being destroyed. SYMBOLISM. Or Kane digs it up and brings it back inside? Poor tree, but gotta keep momma’s spirit alive. I would love some reference to Vera with or without the tree. LET’S GOOO.

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Mid writing this, my roommate texted me that she was mad at Abby after watching 4.03- she thought Abby killed Adrian, which she ABSOLUTELY DID NOT. She has to go to the gym and do a burpee for every mean thing she’s said about Abby- which is like 100. Girl gonna be fit™. She’s totally going to slam Abby to tease me and get under my skin, so that’s something to look forward to.

#4.04 #a lie guarded #the 100 #reaction post

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 2 years

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Moon Phase Series - First Quarter

Summary: Moments in the life of the Moon Knight system.

I don't know how many chapters this will be. Not really connected so if you pick one up randomly you should be fine. Mostly feel good, maybe a little sad, maybe a little comfort. I wanted to explore little moments of them just being.

Warning: None yet.

Word Count: 1313

Part 3: Routines are hard to let go of. Steven at last must face why his morning calls were so important to him and what his mother meant to him. Sometimes we must grieve what we never had.

Steven lived on routine. Nothing was more comforting than knowing what was going to happen.

When his routine had been utterly destroyed by a certain someone, he had been okay with it to a point. There was something exciting in finding a new rhythm.

But there was one routine that he was finding hard to let go of.

Steven prepared to get ready for his day. He went to feed the fish and immediately reached for his phone.

Pausing, he stared down at the blank screen.

“Hey Buddy, you alright?” Marc’s reflection looked at him from the fish tank.

Steven set the phone back down and instead tapped the fish flakes into the tank. “Yeah. Just old habits.”

Marc nodded but couldn’t help notice that every single morning Steven had picked up the phone then set it back down. It didn’t seem to be getting any easier.

He could remind Steven that she hadn’t been real. That he had been talking to nothing more than an idea of someone that didn’t exist… But Steven had lost that idea. Real or not, the idea had been taken from him.

He had let go so easily that Marc had failed to see what it actually meant to Steven in the first place. Now it was not just gone, but destroyed and tarnished.

“You wanna tell me about your day?” Marc tried.

“You were there.” Steven shrugged. “It’d be like re-capping, honestly. Seems kinda pointless.”

“You could tell Jake.” Marc shrugged back. “I’m sure he didn’t see it all. Maybe he’d like to be filled in.”

“I doubt very much Jake wants to hear about my day. He’s never there anyway. Just when he wants to go out.” Steven’s face pulled as he forced away the sad frown. “Nawh, I’ll be alright.”

They carried on and each morning, Steven paused at the phone before walking away. Some days the phone made it into his hand and others he simply glanced at it. It was a twinge of pain. A brief moment of grief that he didn’t understand.

“Oye, Steven.” Jake’s voice caught Steven off guard one morning. Jake so very seldomly addressed him straight on.

Steven glanced around and found Jake relaxed back in the window. “Morning, Jake.”

Jake waved a hand as if dismissing the very notion of ‘morning’. “You miss her, yeah?”

Steven glanced at the phone. “No.” He frowned. “Of course not. She wasn't real, was she? No. Just all in my head.”

“Hermano.” Jake shook his head. “That doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?” Steven slumped down in a chair facing the window.

“You are allowed to miss the idea of someone.” Jake sat back in the chair too, his posture stiff and proper. “You can miss what you thought someone was. You can mourn for them.”

“Mourn for her?” Steven scoffed. “Mourn for how horrible she was? How she treated Marc? How she treated you? Mourn for her abuse and what she thought of me? Really thought of me…”

Jake sighed and sat forward, arms on his knees. “What do you remember about her? Forget everything you saw. Everything Marc told you. Forget the voice messages and post cards. Picture her face. What do you see?”

Steven frowned then closed his eyes. He blocked out the image of the angry woman screaming and pointing. Blocked out the image of her reaching for the belt. Then he blocked out the way he used to imagine her voice asking how he was doing. Talking to him about his day and asking about his love life.

He pushed it all back and came back to the smiling face tucking him in at night. Humming softly a gentle song that he realized he had heard Jake whistling more than a few times. He saw her hair draping down around him as she leaned in to kiss his cheek goodnight. Later’s gators. After a while crocodile.

Steven felt the tears splash off his chin before he realized he had even been crying. “She loved me once.”

Jake looked down and clenched his hands. Steven was in pain and there was the knee jerk reaction to spring forward. To let Steven sink down and forget. But Steven was not Marc. Steven could handle it. Steven needed to feel this pain to move on. Marc needed to forget the pain to try to heal. Jake… Jake understood the pain more than either of them ever could.

“Yeah.” Jake nodded and blocked out his own memories. Did he remember her any differently? Did he remember her from before? Did he want to? The pain that might come with it was not something he wanted to explore.

Steven wiped his tears away. “It’s just the one memory. Might not even be mine. I don’t think I was there for it. I think it’s Marc’s.” He sighed. “I didn’t even know we had a brother.”

“That’s before us.” Jake slowly unclenched his hands and stretched his fingers, forcing them to try and relax. “Marc had to hide it from you because her love was so conditional.”

“I feel guilty about it.” Steven looked up at Jake. “I guess… I guess he wasn’t really my brother. He was Marc’s.”

“We are different people.” Jake looked up, controlled and calm. “Our memories defined who we were made into. She wasn’t always like what we saw. Not all of your memories are fake. Sometimes she was sober. Sometimes she had to be good so the public didn’t see what she did. I think Marc gave you those moments so you would have something… Something to build on. Even if they were just for show.”

Steven nodded then felt the tears well up again. “I really did love the idea of her. The idea that someone was there. Someone to be proud of me and talk to me and not look down on me.”

“It’s a nice idea.” Jake smiled softly. It was the first time Steven had ever seen Jake actually smile at him. It was a very kind smile. One that was capable of love and understanding.

“I miss her so much.” Steven’s voice shuddered. “Even though I know I shouldn’t. I miss just talking to her. Even though she never spoke back… I guess it isn’t her I miss. It’s what I thought I had…”

Jake smiled. “It’s nice to be heard. When no one else listens to you, it’s nice to have someone to listen.”

Steven suddenly realized that was what he had found comfort in for so many years. Knowing that someone was listening. That he wasn’t alone because he had someone that cared about him.

Marc had always been there for him. Listening even when he didn’t know it. Watching over him and doing his best to make Steven happy.

But now that he and Marc were a team, there was someone else that sat back in silence going without notice.

“Hey Jake?” Steven wiped his eyes and felt the sadness slowly leave him, lifting away slowly. “Tell me about your day.”

“My day?” Jake blinked at him in confusion.

“Yeah. Tell me about your fairs or whatever you call ‘em.” Steven grinned. “Where did you go?”

Jake thought for a moment then shrugged. “Well I started my shift with this poor drunk idiota. He’d gotten his keys taken away by the bartender on 5th and getting him into my cab was a heck of a fight.”

“Wow…” Steven laughed. “Did he puke in your cab?”

“Escucha aquí.” Jake leaned forward sternly. “No one pukes in my cab.”

Steven relaxed back and felt a new feeling settle in as he listened to Jake talk about his drunk passenger. He would always miss the mother he never had. He would miss the phone calls that never connected and the memories that weren’t his.

But it was time to connect to someone real.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight fic #Short fic #Steven Grant #Marc Spector #Jake Lockley #Dealing with Grief #Sometimes grief is complicated #Sometimes we miss the people we never had and that's okay #It's okay to miss someone we wish they had been

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