“Workplace Lover” Pt. 1

I was working for this inventory company for a few months when I was promoted to inventory manager. I was assigned to certain stores and pretty much had my team together when they decided to hire a bunch of people. The downside to having new people on my team was the pace slowed down due to me training them. No matter in what company you may work for when you get promoted there are going to be haters and people just downright salty because they didn’t get the position. Either way, I was happy but my love life sucked monkey balls, I couldn’t find a man to save my life. I take part to blame in that because of the insecurities that I dealt with at the time.

  I got up for work this particular morning feeling awful, I went out the night before, got in at around 2:30 am and had to get up at 6 am for work. (Wasn’t one of my best choices.) When I made it to the pick-up spot my team was looking defeated as well, so I knew this was going to be a long day. I went and got all the equipment together and loaded it into one of the vans to leave. The new people showed up shortly afterward and we were ready to hit the road. I had this one friend Ron (straight guy) that I always shot the shit with every day. He would always seem to make the day easy for me by doing stupid shit that just hyped up all of us.

  We made to the job site and began working, I had about 5 out of the 8 new people that no matter what I did, they just couldn’t seem to catch on to add and subtract. In the ones that I was going to definitely keep, there was this one guy named Alton, he was brown skin, had dreads, a deep voice, and a gorgeous smile. He was the most impressive, not just because he was sexy but because he actually took direction well. Once I showed him what to do, it was only a few times he came to me for something after that.

  On our lunch break, I was eating at a nearby food joint with my homie Ron when Alton and a few other people walked in. I was so engulfed in Alton’s looks and the way he walked that I was totally ignoring Ron.

  “Nigga, did you hear me?” He said throwing a fry at me.

  “No, my bad what did you say?” I said embarrassed.

  “I said that since we off tomorrow we should go to the Daquiri Café and get fucked up.”

  “I don’t know about that, I had enough to drink last night to last me the rest of the year.” I said laughing.

  “Punk ass, come on man join ya boy and live a little.” He said pleading, and after a lil back and forth I finally agreed. He was right tho, he would ask me to go out with him and his girl all the time, but I always found an excuse not to go.

  “Aye, can I join yall?” Alton said approaching us with his food on his tray.

  “Sure,” I said looking at the food on his tray. “You sure you can eat all that before it’s time to go back?”

  “Probably but if I can’t then I will just pack this shit up and take it home.” He said after sitting down, we all shared a laugh together and spent the rest of our break getting to know our new team member.

  We finally got thru the day, to say I was beyond tired was an understatement. I already sent a van full of people home and the only people left was the audit team. We made sure all the counts were accounted for as well as correct any mistakes that were made. This process could take anywhere from 30 mins to 4 hours depending on the corrections that needed to be made. Ron and Alton stayed back to help with this process and that made it easier for me because they kept me laughing.

  “So, Alton since you apart of our team now, and since we all have the same schedule…... I was thinking that you should join Jaye and me at the Daquiri Café tonight for some drinks and bitches.” Ron said.

  “I don’t know about the bitches’ part because as you and I both know yo girl will kick both of us in the dick if she finds out.” I said laughing.

  “I’m game, I wasn’t doing shit tonight anyway.” Alton said. I wasn’t too sure about this because even though Ron knew I was gay, I didn’t like to hang around new people who didn’t know about my lifestyle. That could turn out really bad or just make it awkward while working.

  “Cool, they have two we can choose from but since Jaye is technically our boss I vote he choose which one we go to,” Ron said smirking.

  “I can’t fucking stand you and I’m not your boss, I’m only your supervisor while we work in the stores, I can’t fire or hire nobody just write you up and make a recommendation for your termination that’s it.” I said laughing.

  “Stop lying nigga, I looked at your computer earlier and I saw that you got rid of some of the people that came today.”

  “Shut up, that’s private information and while in training and since I’m still the lead trainer I do get to say who stays and who goes but I had to get rid of them because they just…… I don’t know maybe someone else can help them, but I can’t anymore.”

  “So, was I on that list of people? I mean just keep it real.” Alton said with a nervous look on his face and I smirked.

  “No, you weren’t if that was the case you wouldn’t be here right now…… enough of all this bullshit talk I need yall to go look for these sections that haven’t come in yet.” I said hanging them the list of things I needed to be checked.

  After making it home I was beyond tired, all I wanted to do was lay down in my bed and sleep until the following week. That was short lived because just when the sleep was getting good my phone started ringing. I grabbed it to see it was my boos calling.

  “Hey, I need some information about the people you switched and the ones you wanna keep.” She said after I picked up the phone.

  “The ones I wanna keep had absolutely no problem catching on to the work but the other five were just horrible at taking direction. I didn’t suggest that they should be fired I just wanted them to go to Bobbi or Angie team because they work in smaller stores and they can focus more on them than I could.”

  “Ok, we can do that but just for future references…... don’t involve me in your crap, you have every right to assign whomever you want to any team if you feel like they would be an asset to that team. Oh, and you did an amazing job today, I got nothing but good reports from the district manager.”

  “Tell me something new but I will talk to you later I have some things to take care of.”

  “Ok see you on Monday.” She said hanging up the phone. I looked at the time and realized that it was almost time to go meet up with Ron and Alton down the street at the Daquiri Café. I went took a shower and pulled out some clothes, no sooner than I got dressed Ron called my phone.

  “Damn can I put some draws on before you get to rushing me out the house?” I said laughing.

  “Nigga you should have been had yo shit on……. I’m outside so bring yo ass and open the door.” He said hanging up, I threw on some socks and went to open the door before I had to kick his ass. “You never on time for nothing nigga, you were late for work this morning, and now you just now getting dressed.”

  “If you going to be bitching all night then you can beat ya feet motherfucker.” I said walking back to my room, while walking I got hit in the back with a pillow off the couch. “You better stop before I whoop yo ass and put my shit back in the right spot too.”

  I walked into my room tempted to just say fuck it and call it a night, but I made a promise and I was going to keep it. I walked out the room to find that this nigga took all my pillows off my couch and tossed them on the floor. This nigga always doing stupid shit when he come over here, like the last time he came over here he put dish soap in my fish tank which killed all my damn fish. He did buy me some more but it’s stupid shit like that that works my nerves with him. I didn’t say nothing to him, I just walked into the kitchen and filled up a pot with hot water and walked back into the living room.

  “Yo you better not throw that shit on me.” He said holding up one of the pillows.

  “You got 30 seconds to fix my couch you jackass.” I said still holding the pot, he quickly put all the pillows back on my couch and I started laughing.

  “You never play fair tho Jaye, why would you wanna throw hot ass water on me before we go out that shit foul man.” He said laughing.

  “Because you always doing stupid shit, that’s why I’ma stop you from coming over here.” I said walking to the door.

  “Whatever let’s go that nigga probably already waiting on us.”

  “Ok but you driving because I’m still tired.”

  We made our way to the Daquiri Café in no time at all because as I said earlier it was literally down the street from my house. When we walked in I spotted Alton sitting at the bar, I thought he was sexy earlier but now that I see him in regular clothes…… this nigga is drop dead gorgeous. I had no idea how I was going to get thru this evening without staring at him the whole night. We walked up to the bar where he was sitting and sat down, Alton turned his head and looked in our direction.

  “About time yall showed up, I thought yall flaked out on me.” He said laughing.

  “No, but there is something you should know about our boss here……. His ass always late to everything. I got over to his house and his ass wasn’t even dressed yet.” Ron said laughing.

  “Well unlike you two bastards I had more work to do when I got home and plus I was still tired from last night. Yall lucky I’m even here right now.” I said flagging down the bartender. We all placed our order and sat there just talking like we had been friends for ever.

  “So how long you been doing Inventory?” Alton asked me.

  “For about a year now, it wasn’t my first choice but when I was offered the job, they gave me an offer that I couldn’t refuse.” I said sipping from my cup. “Overall, it’s been good, but I don’t think I wanna make a career out of it like Doris and Linda, but it pays the bills and leave me with extra in my pocket.”

  “Cool, this is new to me I’m used to working fast food or doing lil odd jobs from temp services.”

  “You have great work ethics, unlike some people I know.” I said looking at Ron.

  “Aye fuck you nigga I’m the best person you have on your team so miss me with the bullshit or I’ma have to beat yo ass.”

  “The only thing you can beat is yo meat nigga, don’t start your bullshit.” I said and we all bust out laughing.

  “How long yall been cool? It seems like yall brothers or something.” Alton asked and the way he said ‘something’ didn’t sit right with me but I wasn’t going to think on it too much.

  “Before my promotion we worked a few jobs together, he has been a thorn in my side ever since.”

  “Yea right nigga, but Jaye is a down right cool as dude, he will do whatever he can to help anyone just as long as they trying to do shit for themselves.”

  “That’s what’s up, but let’s go get a game of pool in and get this shit crunk.”

  We played pool, got some food, had more drinks than I wanted to have, and had a damn good time just shooting the shit. The night was going good until Ron got a call from his girl and what ever they talked about had him in a sour mood for a bit.

  “What’s going on Ron?” I asked him.

  “She pissed off at me because in her words she never gets to see me until I’m horny or whenever I make time but that’s a lie because I was with her before I came to get you and she knew that we were hanging tonight.”

  “Ok well let’s cut this night short and you go fix things with your girl because I don’t have time for her kicking both our ass.”

  “Man fuck that, she will be just fine, I’m not about to keep catering to her bullshit every time she gets in one her moods.” He said ordering another round of drinks.

  “You not gone learn until that girl murder yo ass but its your shot.” I said picking up my pool cue.

  The night went on and we cut the drinks off because Alton looked drunk as hell and Ron was getting there. I had an extra room at my house, but I wasn’t to sure about letting either one of them sleep over. Ron wasn’t going to stay any way if push came to shove, he was going to call his girl to come get him and I take his car home, but Alton I knew nothing about so that was a definite no on his part.

  “If this bitch sends me one more text, I’ma go over there and throw her phone in the middle of the street.” Ron said showing me all the text messages between him and her. I scrolled up reading the messages, but I went to far up and saw some pictures they sent each other. Let’s just say I see why she so paranoid because Ron had some serious meat down there.

  “Umm…... just drop me off at the house and you go be with your girl bruh.” I said reluctantly giving him his phone back.

  “I’m not ready to go and if you don’t wanna leave right now I can bring you home and let this nigga go get his shit together.” Alton said catching me off guard.

  “Jaye don’t like people knowing where he stays so we can just do this some other time.” Ron said drinking the last of his drink.

  “Nah it’s cool bruh, you go take care of that and call me later.” I said dapping him up.

  Ron left us at the Café while he went to go make sure his girl was good, no matter what I did I couldn’t shake the image of his dick out my head. It was the prettiest dick I had seen in a very long time, I know I shouldn’t have kept thinking about it, but I couldn’t help it.

  “You ready to go.” Alton said bringing me out of my thoughts.

  “Umm yea…... but can you drive because I don’t wanna spend the rest of my night laid up in a hospital room.” I said laughing.

  “Yea I got you, I aint that messed up.” He said laughing.

  We left out and made it to my house in one piece, I thought about it and there was no way I was going to let this dude drive home drunk. I told him that he could crash on the couch and leave in the morning when he woke up. I went into my room to get him an extra cover and some shorts to sleep in, when I went back into the living room this nigga had kicked off his shoes and was laying on the couch watching tv.

  “I got you a cover and some shorts to sleep in, there is food and drinks in the fridge as well, just don’t touch my cokes.” I said placing the stuff on the couch.

  “Or you can go get comfortable as well and pour us some more drinks, I know you got liquor in here.” He said smirking, against my better judgement I went and threw on some night clothes and walked back into the living room. He had changed into the shorts I gave him, but he didn’t have a shirt on, his body was on point and I was stuck in one spot staring at him. “What you looking at nigga?” he said laughing, I hung my down in embarrassment and walked into the kitchen. I poured us some drinks and walked in the living room.

  “Umm you need a shirt to put on?” I asked after handing him his drink.

  “Nah, I don’t like sleeping in shirts I feel like I’m being suffocated.” He said laughing.

  We started drinking and watching tv for a while, I looked at the time and it was now 3 in the morning. I stood up and staggered a lil bit from the drinks I consumed. I shook off the feelings, looked at his body one last time and started to walk to my room before he stopped me.

  “If you wanna look you don’t have sneak just look.” He said smiling. I was taken back by his comment, it caught me off guard to the point where I ran right into the wall.

  “You aint all that nigga but goodnight I’m going to bed.”

  “I guess weakling.” He said laughing.

  “Unlike you, I didn’t get much rest last night or when I got off so excuse me if I’m tired, now go to bed before I punch you in the face.” I said laughing.

  “Don’t get fucked up, but I hear ya take yo tired ass to bed.” I didn’t bother saying nothing back I just went to my room and laid across my bed.

  The thoughts of Ron’s dick flashed back to my mind as well as the comment that Alton made. Maybe I was drunk and overthinking things, but it sounded like he was flirting with me. the more I thought about it the more I had to find out what he meant by that comment. I got up and walked back into the living room where he was still finishing off the last of his drink.

  “What did you mean by the comment you made a few minutes ago?” I asked him standing in the door way.

  “Man, what yo drunk ass talking about?” He said laughing.

  “About me staring at your body.”

  “Oh, I meant that I noticed you staring at me a few times but when you saw me you tried to act like you wasn’t, so I said that if you wanted to look at me then just do it.” He said still laughing.

  “Whatever, I look at what I want and who I want so what’s it to you?”

  “It’s nothing to me, but I thought you was going to bed?”

  “I am why you wanna join me?” I said and almost slapped the hell out myself for saying that shit.

  “You probably would like that wouldn’t you?” He said laughing.

  “Whatever, goodnight Alton.” I said walking back to my room.

  I turned on my tv and laid under the covers, I couldn’t believe that I actually said that stupid shit to this dude. He didn’t go off on me but still I never said nothing like that to a straight guy before so that alone made me feel dumb as hell. I closed my eyes and began to fall asleep, a few seconds afterwards I heard my door open. When I opened my eyes, Alton was walking towards me, he didn’t say anything, he just walked to my bed and climbed in. before I could ask him what the hell he was doing he pressed his lips to mine and all rationality went out the window. Was this really happening? What am I thinking right now? How would this affect us at work? All these things went thru my mind, but my body had another mind of it’s on.

©unique creations 2018

since yall kept fuckin asking heres 1-155. Go ahead and see how fucking lame I actually am

1: Full name: Madison Lyn (I’m not putting my last name on the internet lmao)

2: Age:19

3: 3 Fears: heights, elevators, being alone for the rest of my life 

4: 3 things I love: cats, coffee, sleeping

5: 4 turns on: (I’m gonna make it nonsexual okay): body mods, humor, good vibes, nice laugh

6: 4 turns off: (gonna make these nonsexual too): rude, nasty, conceited, takes days to reply lmao

7: My best friend: girl: @bohoangel guy: @bostonnanner

8: Sexual orientation: pansexual

9: My best first date: haven’t had a best one yet, need someone to change that lmao

10: How tall am I: 5′8

11: What do I miss: lots of things and people both too many too name

12: What time was I born: 2:06am

13: Favourite color: blue

14: Do I have a crush: still crushin on my last man

15: Favourite quote: either some vine or “I’m here for a good time not a long time” I have way too many favs

16: Favourite place: my room, best friends house, or beach house

17: Favourite food: buffalo chicken or alfredo

18: Do I use sarcasm: of course not 

19: What am I listening to right now: music ;)

20: First thing I notice in new person: smile

21: Shoe size: no

22: Eye color: hazel

23: Hair color: naturally brunette currently red

24: Favourite style of clothing: gothic, pop punk or hippie/boho

25: Ever done a prank call?: I havent personally 

27: Meaning behind my URL: I needed to change my url of 8 years and I wanted something short and easy to remember but I also wanted it to be a band so it would fit my blog and surprisingly this one wasnt taken

28: Favourite movie: I have way too many 

29: Favourite song: again way too many

30: Favourite band: AGAIN way too many

31: How I feel right now: I feel fucking exhausted 

32: Someone I love: okay now Im sad 

33: My current relationship status: okay NOW Im crying but single

34: My relationship with my parents: welp my dads dead and my mom and I are okay

35: Favourite holiday: Halloween or Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing I have: no tattoos yet and I have my nose pierced and first and second holes pierced on my ears

37: Tattoos and piercing I want: too many

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I was 12 that should be enough

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No. In fact I could never hate him and I dont think I’ll love anyone like I did/do him.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: eh sometimes

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? last text over imessage yes

42: When did I last hold hands?: I have no idea

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I dont do anything really so not too long

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: dont out me

45: Where am I right now?: my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: @bohoangel

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: both

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: mom

49: Am I excited for anything?: nah

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? @bostonnanner

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: eh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I mean idc but it’d just be fucking weird cause they’re kissing in front of me 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: plenty of people lmao

55: What is something I disliked about today?: I’ll do yesterday since today hasnt really happened. But it was fathers day and my heart was hurting so bad cause I miss my dad more than anything and really wish he was still here

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: my fuckin soulmate bitch

57: What do I think about most?: in all honesty, my ex

58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do this smile thing that nobody else can do and it makes me look like a frog

59: Do I have any strange phobias?: probably

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: in front

61: What was the last lie I told?: that I was a child of God

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting but I dont mind either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: fuck yes and fuck yes

64: Do I believe in magic?: I’m a god damn witch bitch

65: Do I believe in luck?: I believe in karma

66: What’s the weather like right now? according to my phone its currently clear and 61 degrees

67: What was the last book I’ve read?: I have no idea

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: eh

69: Do I have any nicknames? Maddie, Mad, Mads

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I had a staph infection in my foot that went back and forth across my foot and then up my leg (doctor said if my mom didn’t bring me when she did I would’ve died cause it would’ve gone to my heart)

71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend it 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? ye

74: Favourite animal?: cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: I have no idea

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: oh shit I’ve never thought of this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: good question

78: How can you win my heart?: Be Italian 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I honestly have no idea

80: What is my favorite word? bitch

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I get asked this way too much

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: probably some hippie bullshit

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I’ve had relatives in jail but I dont think anyones in jail rn

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? theres too many lmao

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? probably if I’ve smoked or drank or have done anything bad but only if my mom was asking

86: What is my current desktop picture? its just basic 

87: Had sex?: nah

88: Bought condoms?: nah

89: Gotten pregnant?: nah

90: Failed a class?: nah

91: Kissed a boy?: ye

92: Kissed a girl?: ye

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nah

94: Had job?: ye

95: Left the house without my wallet?: ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?: nah

97: Had sex in public?: nah

98: Played on a sports team?: ye

99: Smoked weed?: ye

100: Did drugs?: nothing hardcore just smoking weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?: nah

102: Drank alcohol?: ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: I’ve tried

104: Been overweight?: no answer

105: Been underweight? also no answer

106: Been to a wedding?: ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: ye

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: ye

109: Been outside my home country?: nah

110: Gotten my heart broken?: of course

111: Been to a professional sports game?: ye

112: Broken a bone?: ye

113: Cut myself?: ye

114: Been to prom?: ye

115: Been in airplane?: ye

116: Fly by helicopter?: nah

117: What concerts have I been to?: pink, metallica/volbeat, warped tour 2016,2017,2018, jingle ball, some birthday bash, I cant remember if I’ve been to any other ones lmao

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: not entirely 

119: Learned another language?: not fully

120: Wore make up?: ye

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: I’m a child of god

122: Had oral sex?: nah

123: Dyed my hair?: ye

124: Voted in a presidential election?: not yet

125: Rode in an ambulance?: couldve a couple times but my parents decided to drive me

126: Had a surgery?: nah

127: Met someone famous?: I guess? 

128: Stalked someone on a social network?: who doesnt do this

129: Peed outside?: ye

130: Been fishing?: ye

131: Helped with charity?: I think so

132: Been rejected by a crush?: who doesnt get rejected

133: Broken a mirror?: probably

134: What do I want for birthday?: lots of things

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I have no idea

136: Was I named after anyone?: No but I have the same middle name as my aunt

137: Do I like my handwriting?: ye

138: What was my favorite toy as a child?: I have no idea

139: Favorite Tv Show?: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, The Office, or Drunk History

140: Where do I want to live when older?: New Hampshire

141: Play any musical instrument?: I can play the violin and piano and can also sing but idk if that counts lmao

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: its barely noticeable but literally right under my left eye (like right at the edge of my dark circle lmao) I got attacked by a dog and it bit me in the face and I had to get stitches but I bitched out and had it glued instead lmao

143: Favorite pizza topping? cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?: depends where I am

145: Am I afraid of heights?: ye

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:nah

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: haha yeah

148: What I’m really bad at: everything

149: What my greatest achievements are: I fucking graduated from high school. Like I would never wish what I went through on anyone ever not even my worst enemy. It was worse than hell

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I honestly dont remember 

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: lots of stuff

152: What do I like about myself: my eyebrows

153: My closest Tumblr friend: I cant say @bohoangel cause I’ve known her since 5th grade so I’ll say @bostonnanner even though we met on omegle years ago lmao

154: Something I fantasize about: lots of things

155: Any question you’d like?: literally whatever anyone wants to know

Episode 13 | “STIMULUS CHECK? NO BITCH HERE'S A REALITY CHECK” - Adam

so. its over and im out of the game. i waited a couple hours to write this because i knew i would hurt some feelings if i didnt and if we learnt anything from today its that jake's feelings get hurt real easy and we wouldn't want that would we. i think the reason i have struggled (and likely still will) to get closure is because i don't think this makes sense for jake? i've had some frustrations and some suspicions with jake over the past two rounds but i had no intentions of cutting him any time soon. i am a shield he so desperately needed what is wrong with him. like even if i wanted to cut him how on earth would i have got it done? with what numbers. to use a quote from autumn in the game we played together before but adapted for this instance, "today we learned unless jake feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you’re not doing enough". now to the fun stuff. i want to just tribute to adam and autumn. adam is someone i was SO sus of at the start but he is a gem. his personality is so vibrant he is a true gem. autumn hill is who i wanna dedicate this to and focus this on. autumn is one of my best allies ever and one of my favourite ORG people ever... what a complete. legend. such a role model to me in my real life, she has taught me to be confident, to back myself and to not take any shit and for that I'm so grateful. i literally am so honoured to call her my friend and i cant wait to meet her in person when she moves to the UK WOOOO. anyway i've also moved on from being 100% self negative. i fought so hard this season i played so so so hard and i fought my way to F8 despite being a threat since F21. i did the damn thing and im proud, and even tho it sucks that all my fighting was cut short by my closest ally i tried my very best and that's all i can do. thank you to the hosts for bringing me back, its been a... journey hehe

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either. 

Well that vote blows... I really thought I had someone that I could navigate this end game with and then it got completely taken away from me. Now, I know I have to do what’s best for my game. And there’s two scenarios I see being possible: 1. Staying with my alliance and voting out Autumn/Adam and then risking that the three Beauties will actually cut someone in that group. 2. I flippy flippy and vote with Autumn (oh dear, I’m actually considering this?) and get Amir out to set myself up with Kendal and Augusto to get to the F3. Amir just told me he has the Beauty idol, so this may be my only shot to get him out of this game. I really need to consider both of these options, because I think this is the round that makes or breaks my entire game.

Having a mental breakdown over the fact that I’m probably gonna lose jakeys friendship And even tho our friendship was 100% real and I love him so much he’s gonna think it was all fake

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0d8a51f03cf584de6183ffd755b60d02/tumblr_nsvsd4arRn1rrcjuxo1_r1_400.gifv

Not a single person in this game has ever wanted to go to the end with me except for kendall Jakeys trying to take her out right now and i want to keep jakey in the game so bad but 4 people want him out so bad and the only way to save him is with my idol and i want to keep my idol and i want to keep a relationship with kendall but augusto will know that its my idol that saved jakey so my entire game will be blown the fuck up so i have to just let him go strategically, Since jakey is leaving, i wanna try and make sure adam is next because hes the strongest competitor that will be left and if i make it to five and four i need to win comps. Okay I need to actually strategize lmao so after this vote if it goes as expected I believe autumn has the idol, just based on how she was behaving Her and adam and me are afraid of tj kendall Augusto final 3, however, if that does become a final 3, I can force it out of kendall, so as long as Adam and autumn do not win immunity, we can split the vote on them, or just 3 beauties vote together strong. I’m also using autumn and Adams target on tj to make tj want them out even more, so next round, autumn and adam vs tj is a thing, and the 3 beauties can be safe as long as it doesn’t tie, and if worst comes to worst, I still have my idol, which can get me in the final 5 but I really really want to save my idol for final 5 

JAKEY GETS VOTED OUT

So here’s my dilemma for the round: I basically started the Adam name with Amir. I would prefer to go with that because I don’t know if I can beat Adam at the end. The problem with this though is that I don’t want to lose Jakey if he’s so for getting rid of Kendall. So where is the middle ground here?

So I think tonight is going to be my night. I have a lot of power right now in this game oddly enough. Are people potentially going for me, yeah, but I'm going to be safe which means I probably have enough room to screw up whoever's plan I would like to. Amir wants to do a 2-2-2 split, which I can easily screw up if I get Adam and Autumn on my side (which I see possibly happening). I can more than likely convince Autumn she doesn't need to play an idol if she's the vote (maybe on that one). And I know Adam wants to make a move with me saying Augusto is trying to get the vote on me or Autumn, which shows my concern that the three Beauties are at least locked to final four (I don't think they'd all take one another, but I don't think they'll turn on one another just yet). So now, here's where I may be able to take a stand and put myself in a spot where I may have some control. I need that one move that is at the top of my resume... can this be the one? Question is: what the hell is that move?

I was really confident last night we had a good plan set up but today I dont know why in my gut i feel like im about to be voted out, i dont want to be a pessimist but im just making this so i dont feel like a *complete* fool so um yeah...... we're about to go to tribal in a matter of minutes, autumn isnt playing the idol so im gonna feel real dumb if i gave it to her and she screws me over, but i did my work, and at this point all i can do is sit and keep my fingers crossed things go my way, but trust and believe even if im voted out yall will see ONE final confessional from me dragging them left and right. 

Okay back to this game, so basically, I do not trust anyone at this current moment not a single person except maybe kendall, this is the most wild vote I have ever ! I think I’m getting bamboozled literally, OKAY OKAY OKAY so Augusto tells adam that he wants to do autumn, Adam tells me and autumn that, we talk to autumn, autumn gets tj on board. From my perception, autumn and adam should be believe that us 4 are voting Augusto and leaving kendall out of it. But then tj and I already told Augusto that plan, and the real plan is to 2-2-2 them, Incase one of them plays an idol. But I have so much fear from the things that tj has been telling Augusto about his fear of my idol and me being at final 5 and 4, and also telling me he’s scared Theres no cracks in the beauty alliance, so he might actually agree to that plan with us and then 3-2-1 me by telling them everything because he literally could do that And then whoever wins immunity is going to change everything even more, because of one of them wins, the other can play the idol on themselves which is a whole ass mess in itself, and right now, it just comes down to if I trust tj and Augusto . R they telling me the truth or are they lying ? Like I’m dkdjdjnd kdndkdnd Anyway, I probs am playing my idol today cuz I don’t wanna look like booboo the fool but also we love risks, so I might just not play my idol, idk idk it depends who wins immunity and it depends on the vibe I get from tj moving foreward 

So I haven't really been making confessionals... In my defense I have been busy but that doesn't mean I haven't been active... So I have a final 2 deal with everyone in the cast sans Autumn. I have a deal with TJ, I have a deal with Augusto and I have a deal with Amir. And as much as it sucks I am going to stick to Augusto and Amir. Sorry TJ you are a good bean but I don't want to lose to you. 

Should I blame the whole plan on tj http://prntscr.com/ss4sie

i didnt make a confessional before the live since i wasnt sure what the HELL was gonna happen so hello coming to you LIVE from the afterlife because yall didnt THINK you could fly me off this island without one last adam rant for the season did you? for the first time in all 3 times ive played actually....feeling some type of way over being voted out, maybe it's just because of quarantine and having literally nothing better to do, but i took this game seriously and i tried my damndest. I think my fatal mistake was trying too hard (or maybe not enough?) today with certain people, i was trying to play them all and my biggest fear of them either comparing notes and catching on, or they just didnt want to hear me out, ALSO THE TWIST PLEASEEEEEE im kinda glad if i went out it was kinda just....in that big bang of a mess, i mean, a legacy advantage and an idol being played AND wasted? ugh i really had the gals and gays shook and bothered!! because at least now i can blame that to feel slightly better about myself, because trust and believe if i had even just TEN MINUTES to strategize i think i couldve convinced autumn to use our idol on me because i had a feeling in my gut it was coming especially with how silent it was, i also regret not CAUSING A DAMN SCENE. I HAD 10 MINUTES TO SAVE MYSELF AND I REALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE I WAS IN THE CLEAR AND NOW IM CLEAR-LY OUT THE GAME. foolish man. (foolish man being ME). but whatever. at least i got to clear my name from THOSE DAMN BEAUTYS, I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA BE MY UNDOING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE DAY 7. im not entirely bitter at anyone for lying to me since i was lying just as much, but ultimately i feel like for the entire season i did the best with what i had. I could be a complete fool but even now that im out of the game i STILL stand by what i said with how i feel like i played with my back against the wall for most of the game and i felt like it was truly SO hard getting people to want to work with me especially early on and FOR WHAT REASON? but whatever, it made the game interesting to me at least because i felt like they wrote me off, so i wrote my own ending. and clearly it wasnt the ending i wanted, but im surprisingly at peace with it in a weird way even just as im typing it out, i feel like for the first time in my tumblr survivor career i didnt just sit back and do nothing, i got to get my hands a little dirty, be apart of some good plays, and according to ali i actually did have some sort of a shot at winning r i p, im a really competitive person (the downside of being an aries) so the fact that i even got to play the game and enjoy making moves, i know i tried my best and that's what matters in the end!!! Also not to toot my own horn but im VERY happy i can at least say im happy with my  finishes being 3rd, 5th, 6th.. not bad for a girl with no talent! not me realizing with me getting 6th place and all these idols/advantages coming out i almost had a cirie game changers moment... ugh even more iconic. anywho AUTUMN IS THE ONLY ONE I WANT TO WIN SO SHE BETTER DO THE DAMN THING. 

hey you guys, it's me adam coming to you from post tribal where i was just voted ou- what? huh?? they didnt vote me OUT??? gorl what in the 2020 is going on here because i was shocked, i mean im THRILLED, the devil works hard but i work harder (autumn too ofc she probably did more than me actually DKJSA) - BUT im a little in awe because guess what this is the FIRST time i really just had to trust the people i have been talking with and they didnt screw me over, yet at least, i know jake was just a universal threat especially after the little stunt he pulled... so now my thoughts on that, ill tell you i was ready to go into tribal and for him to try and verbally murder me on his way out, so im glad he didnt do that but im always ready to fight so i wouldve loved the drama. kinda sad we didnt get it SDJKAF but all in all, i was all for working with jake to take down that other side, but if youre gonna burn me you better prepare for the inferno im gonna fire back, and sure the others couldve just wanted jake gone for their own plans, but i think me and autumn absolutely did THAT and thats that on that. I knew TJ was going to vote for me thanks to Kendall because me and her have truly bonded over wanting to get jake out this round for throwing both of our games into chaos, and guess what, while me and kendall may not have been talking as much before, im about to get REAL buddy buddy with her she's suddenly my bestie boo because now that we're at 6? game on. I want kendall in the end with me and i need to keep convincing her that she needs me with her and ill vote with her, and i think she's interested in it unless she's playing me because she did give me that TJ tea, which love tj as a person im actually not mad, he will just need to be voted off next still if i have anything to do with it OOP. He doesn't really fit into any of my plans, plus he's officially the only person to vote for me now except for either liam or the prejury? probably the pre jury, so now i know i probably cant trust him, but getting amir out next could also be the move, it all really depends on immunity, im gonna keep up on my appearences, get my princess diana wave on and be bestie boos with as many people as i can because my strategy at this point is to just make sure everyone believes they need me around, im not a THREAT im here to HELP you, but ultimately im only looking out for my best interest like hello its the game, and autumns too for now because she still has that idol that we can play to benefit both of us, so who the hell knows what's gonna happen live tomorrow but bring it on because im ready for a battle 

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!

I'm dying laughing at the CEO of the Recording Academy trying to cover his ass cause he knew he made a mistake all while questioning if Harry's reached a "level of excellence to merit a nomination." But gave the Chainsmokers and Meghan fucking Trainor a Grammy. Where was the excellence from them? The Chainsmokers song was played at Frat parties and dirty basement, is that's excellence then I don't want Harry to reach that point.

i literally cannot believe

Anonymous said: My dad just texted me from work to see if I was okay because he got a call from the neighbours saying there’s been the same song on loop on full blast (that song is the Grammy robbed Sign of the Times by the Grammy deserving Harry Edward Styles)

DJNFBGUHFBJNHFIJNBFHJKF MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: I bet that one anon you got a few days ago is cackling and trying to talk shit about how they knew Harry isn't talented enough to get a Grammy or something stupid like that

they can ch*ke

Anonymous said: Niall did great things with his album and it got great hype by both the public and music producers so if his album made the deadline I would easily say his album deserved a nomination. But the other boys haven’t even released albums yet and their singles were just good for radio play.

i haven't listened to his album still lol but noah fence from what i saw it did not get nearly as great reviews and hype as harrys lol and idk why the others even bothered fhbgfjkvl

Anonymous said: Boycott the Grammys 2k18!

tru!!!

Anonymous said: I’m just going to air out my grievances if that’s ok- first of all,Harry’s management or record company stuffed up bad cos y’all know damn well the members don’t vote artists with a progressive sound into the rock category so you fucked up there. second - Bruno mars is clearly this ceremony’s Taylor swift cos idk how tf his flimsy song about material things got nominated over a relevant refreshing ballad like SOTT . Harry deserved better , but also, harry needs to fire some incompetent people ✌️

well harry made music he wanted lol not stuff thats gonna get played on the radio which i enjoy lol but yea bruno is the tswift this year....or j*y z

Anonymous said: The thing that sucks is he most likely was planning on going to the Grammys cause he's performing for Fleetwood Mac the day before, but now he's going to be in New York and not going.....

PLEASE :(

Anonymous said: I was really disappointed but more for him than me like my first thought was “I hope he’s alright and not too sad about it” And I really hope he understands that it doesn’t make him any less good because an award is just an award and it never defines who you are as an artist and as a person.

i know I'm so sad for him i hope he's okay :(

Anonymous said: Harry is the best artist in the world right now he doesn’t need awards!!

tru! but it would've been nice to even get a nom/recognition

Anonymous said: You can tell the Grammy' will just nominated any old shite. I mean Ed Sheeran has the biggest album of the year yet he isn't nominated. And i didn't even know JayZ had an album out and he's nominated. Like no offense but American music industry is just shit.

ed is nominated and some other categories which I'm sure he will win and literally same i had no idea jay z had music out lmao

Anonymous said: Scrap what i said, Zayn didn't get nominated. It was for songwriting and he didn't write that song.

good

Anonymous said: He got all that hype, he did that private show for them, they went his his first show in LA. They for sure used him for hype and media attention. Robbing bastards.

seriously

Anonymous said: A LOUIS FAN CLAIMING LOUIS DESERVED A NOM YALL I WAS SAD BUT NOT NOW. NOW A BITCH CANT STOP LAUGHING. HE AIN'T EVER GETTING SHIT

LMAOOOOO BYEEEEE AS IF

Anonymous said: I just hope he knows Grammys ain’t shit

honestly

Anonymous said: I know it’s not the end of the world, but I hope he’s not super disappointed and sad, because everyone hyped him up so much smh. Also, I bet this will change how he does promo and radio shit for his next album, they should get him a radio deal just for the fact that clearly that’s all these loser Grammy voters care about.

well if thats what he has to do to get a grammy i don't think that would be worth it and i don't think he would think that either

Anonymous said: Jay Z can fucking choke like his album? The shit he did to beyonce? I’m not fucking rewarding a man for being like that anymore, he can take his ancient ass somewhere else.

nasty

Anonymous said: Good, now I don’t have to watch the Grammys this year, I’m glad tbh since I’m not really a fan of any of the other nominees and I’m sick to death of hearing the same five songs all fucking year lol, that issues song? Fucking hate it, have since day one, can’t believe it got nominated for shit lol. However Jeff needs to get Harry a radio deal since clearly that’s all that matters to voters, considering Harry did all the courting of the voters he could and still got fucked.

i literally haven't even heard most of whats nominated its such a joke

Anonymous said: Most nominees in the important categories are poc so I’m not completely mad and besides Despacito or however you write it (which is a horrible song) they nominated well deserved ones. I still think SOTT should’ve got at least one nomination but I think that maybe because harry is fresh out of the oven they’re not gonna straight up give him a nomination even if he deserves it.

yea i mean its awesome theres actually diversity this year but SOTT literally deserved a ROTY nom

Anonymous said: Nah Harry will get Brit nominations because he’s respected in his own country, the Brits also nominated 1D they don’t hold being in a boy band against him which clearly the Grammy voters do, which is a real shame tbh. But the Grammys are continuing to dig their own grave and become more and more unimportant every year.

i cant wait till the grammys just make such a food of themselves no one goes

Anonymous said: Pls the whole Grammys is a conspiracy theory lol I told you

a mess

Anonymous said: The Grammys lost all credibility after giving Adele Album of the Year last year and not Beyonce. They stick to the basics and just anyone who doesn't "break the rules of music" Harry's first solo song was a 6 minute long rock ballad, which doesn't go with what was expected to be put out. They don't care for originality or you know talent, that's why Ed Sheeran's wack ass has won 🤷🏼‍♀️

SERIOUSLY

Anonymous said: He'll probably get nominated for Song of the year and Video of the year at the Brits. Pretty sure both are fan voted. Maybe best male as well. Also maybe best album but then again probably not because it depends. Also maybe global success. I can't think who else would get that right now. Maybe Ed Sheeran again.

i hope so

Anonymous said: Grammys? I don’t know her. Anyway I hope Harry knows how proud everyone is of him and I hope he’s proud of himself I love my baby 🤧💕

ME!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: i feel so much for harry i mean he did everything he could he put out a phenomenal single and a stellar album and worked with amazing producers and writers and did the grammy performance thing and all that stuff with cbs and like i know im biased but he deserves SOME recognition for all of that like he really did put out amazing music this year that was so much more worthy than despacito like come on he was robbed i just hope he feels okay and valid bc he IS :(

i know :( like i hope he knows he still has done such incredible things this year and his album is so good and he doesn't need a stupid grammy anyway

Anonymous said: Taylor is nominated for two (one for the country song she wrote). Like no offense the the American music industry but you need to get your head out of Taylor arse and stop being snobs. SOTT deserved a nomination.

when will they stop kissing her ass

Anonymous said: Harry broke records held by legends, had a BBC special, performed at the record academy, and sold out an arena tour in minutes. So Julia Michaels and Ed Sheehan can take their boring ass music along with their nominations and shove it up their asses.

TBH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: I’m sorry but I have to point out the irony. The lyrics of the song are literally stop your crying it’s a sign of the times. and I know there’s a deeper meaning, but this year fucking sucks

i know :(

Anonymous said: All that hype for nothing. Boy was robbed. Sign of the times deserves a Grammy.

ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: Everyone knows no one, NO ONE deserved a nomination more then Harry. White old men disappointing me again. Like every fucking person said Harry deserved one. ISSUES AS SONG OF THE YEAR? YALL I NEED THEIR CRACK DEALER CAUSE CLEARLY ITS SOME GOOD SHIT TO GET YOU TO THINK FUCKING ISSUES IS SONG OF THE YEAR. Nah fuck them.

FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: I’m so?? Noah fence but the songs that got nominated? What the fuck???? Harry deserved to be up there whether it was roty or aoty idc he just deserves to be nominated.

seriously

Anonymous said: LISTEN in 10 years time people will look back and say why the fuck wasn’t SOTT a Grammy winner... he is timeless and he’ll win in the end!! The Grammys are fucked

THEY WILL REGRET IT

Anonymous said: The Grammys just proved again how much they don’t matter lol, Harry’s song and album was on every single list as one of the best of the entire year, and the you know who wasn’t? Most of those other songs lmao so whatever man I know the Grammys matters to harry, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore they continue to be irrelevant and continue to nominate mediocrity.

its such a joke lmao

Anonymous said: Yeah honestly the Grammys really do only care about awarding the same people over and over again, and it’s like, no offense but who cares lol. I’m sure Jay Zs album is good but he’s nearly 50 and been nominated a ton like idc anymore lol. And I like Bruno mars but seriously? The songs he was nominated for really aren’t that great lmao.

seriously tho like j*y z has enough awards

Outside of their family, how are the kids doing socially? Do they make friends, trust people easily? Do they have a hard time keeping their powers a secret? Does one of their moms being a Luthor affect the way people act around them? How do they deal with their moms kinda being in the public eye?

oof well this started fluffy and got angsty and then got cute again so do with that what u will

so for the most part?  the kiddos do alright!!!  they rlly do, like they’re all enough like kara that ofc they attracts ppl like moths to flame

finn’s like easily one of the most popular kids in school, starting from elementary school and like he’s not one of the traditionally popular boys??  like he’s not a jock and he’s not one of those uber macho dudes but he cares so deeply and fully and like all the girls love him to death and all the uber macho dudes for the most part love him to death as well 

like he’s rlly soft and kind and remembers ppls birthdays and who has a nut allergy so he always makes sure to make a separate safe batch of baked goods for bake sales.  he’s that kid that’s got tabs on everyone and knows who is having a bad week and who might need someone to eat with at lunch and he makes it look so fun to be nice??  that he just manages to lead by example and national city prep academy is a nicer place for him being in it

maia’s that ride or die friend like she’s super intense and kind of scary tbh but god when she picks you, she Picks you and she’ll keep picking you, keep standing up for you, keep vehemently defending u until her dying day tbh like she loves so much like kara, once she sees the good in you, once she’s decided ur one of her ppl, she’ll fight everyone in her sight for u and that is so wildly appreciated, like she has all the girls at school wanting to have her on their side, in their corner and the best thing is that she is, she will be, no questions asked

like??  she’s not half as soft as finn but she’s just as caring, just as loving and she like??  doesnt have a cult following, but she definitely is that hot ass senior that has all the underclassmen stumbling over themselves bc she nodded at one of them in the hall during passing period and stella dies a little inside bc all her friends are in love with maia to some degree

stella is the one that struggles the most socially??  bc everyone loves finn and maia doesnt give a shit if some ppl dont like her, barely notices it, but stella is a little quieter and a little bit different and she kind of weirds ppl out bc she’s just as intense as maia but she doesnt have the cool factor, she stumbles over her feet and stammers and gets easily overwhelmed and most ppl get a little weirded out by how stella always seems to know how they’re feeling??  can sort of predict whats coming in a conversation???

but god when she makes friends, they are so so protective of her.  like??  stella is disliked by a lot of ppl, is a pretty easy target but her friends love her so so deeply bc she knows how to help them best, is v careful with their feelings in a way that not a lot of kids think to be u know??  she’s not the most popular, but she’s p well insulated by the time she hits high school, has a rlly solid group of friends that stick close to her

this kind of goes hand in hand with the first part but here’s some other anecdotes lmao

finn makes friends so so easily like that boy walks into a room and within the first ten minutes he’s already got five new friends like??  he’s probably one of those student ambassadors, shows all the new kids around the campus tbh and like for sure has brownies or something to give them

like???  he’s for sure voted mr congeniality.  For Sure.  he collects friends and favors so easily and so quickly and he loves them all so much, you would think that maybe some friendships arent as deep as others and that’s true, but that doesnt mean he doesnt love those friends just as much, wouldnt drop what he’s doing to go pick them up bc their car died on the highway

that said, he doesnt trust super easily??  like he’s p wary in general, a little more suspicious of ppl than he ever lets on.  like it takes him a Long time to rlly ever tell his rlly close friends any big details abt himself.  it takes him even longer to ever invite ppl over to the house, even tho his moms are like you can??  pls do??  have a childhood kiddo

maia takes a little longer to make friends i think??  but that’s more a matter of her not noticing someone is trying to be friends with her, like she’s sort of above it all a lot of the times, often wrapped up in her own head.  but like i said, she’s p intense so once she’s noticed, she’ll dive in head first like all in, ride or die

and its so funny bc she is so so like non-plussed by things like what movie to see or stuff like that, she’s kind of a rlly great friend without meaning to??  like oh, yall were planning to do a mall night but ur period started and u dont have the energy and now u just want to lie around and eat ice cream??  she’ll pick up ur fave flavors and probably a couple redbox rentals and is down for a movie night, maybe becomes ur favorite person in that exact moment

she actually trusts ppl more easily than finn, if only bc generally the ppl that are more insistent abt actually getting to know her, not just that scary person she puts forward are usually ppl that genuinely care abt her and want the best for her??  that said, she gets in with a bad crowd and dates this super fucking awful abusive asshole that sort of destroys that innate trust for a while.  she gets it back eventually, thanks to those friends she had before the entire experience, who stood by her even when she tried to push them away

stella takes the longest to make friends??  she’s like that shy kid in the corner that wont make eye contact but when she does u feel like she’s probably seen ur soul and knows all ur secrets (which....techincally she doesnt see souls and only knows maybe four or five of ur secrets) but she’s rlly sweet and v earnest and ppl sort of find her endearing after a while

like??  she finally finds her ppl when she joins the drama department and switches soccer teams and gets into debate and starts a chess club, like??  when she starts actually embracing who she is and not trying to model herself after maia or finn or kara or lena, when she sort of loses herself in doing things that are actually interesting to her and not just what gets her the least negative responses from other ppl, she makes so many friends !!!  like girl just has to get out of her own head sometimes

of the three kiddos, she definitely trusts the easiest, just bc like??  she knows what ppls intentions are, knows when someone’s hiding something from her or has ulterior motives for trying to befriend her.  like most of the work is done for her just at first meeting like she rlly doesnt have to worry too much abt trusting ppl

they all sort of struggle with hiding their powers??  some more than others for sure

like finn probably struggles more than maia??  bc maia keeps taking that power-suppressant all through school, but finn wants to learn to control himself, wants to not be as dependent on something else to make him more human, safer for others to be around.  so he wears the glasses and softens his touch and makes sure he never moves too quickly, gives up on sports and works hard to never get angry, never let the hum of his heat vision get too distracting 

its rlly hard when he’s around his friends, harder when he starts dating, bc other ppl dont have to worry abt the stuff he has to worry abt??  like he has to have like a lot of talks with kara abt it bc he gets overwhelmed a lot, worries a lot abt accidentally hurting someone he loves

maia on the other hand struggles more with the lying??  like she has this ride or die mentality and it fucks her up that she cant tell the ppl she trusts this giant secret abt her, this thing that defines her existence??  Fucks Her Up tbh like.....she’s like a vault, her friends confess all their shit to her and she hates that she cant do the same??  cant do that without endangering her brother and sister and moms and, rlly, her entire family and she’s not going to do that, wont ever do that

so like she struggles with that, but the actual powers part of it isnt as big of a thing for her bc she keeps taking the suppressant bc she just??  doesnt trust herself not to.  doesnt trust the power in her hands, like she wont take it on the weekends bc thats when kara trains her and finn, takes them to the deo to spar but during the week, when she doesnt have kara’s steady presence to ground her, finn’s quiet hand at her shoulder to stop her when she’s about to go too far

stella struggles with it but its different??  like she’s not hiding superhuman strength or the ability to fly or anything so conspicuous, but she has to like.....constantly monitor what she says and how she acts towards ppl that dont know like??  ppl get kind of weirded out when she knows stuff abt them or like....knows their heart or some shit when they’ve only rlly known each other for a few months

that said, she also gets away with a whole lot by just saying she’s rlly empathetic with this weird little smirk that her friends think is just her poking fun at the fact that she can be kind of spacey and not super aware abt other stuff all the time but lol little do they know

i mean??  at school??  most ppl dont know like she’s mrs danvers or (insert kiddos name)’s mom and like especially in elementary school, she’s not the one at pta meetings bc she knows what will happen if other parents see her and make the connection??  so its usually kara and she usually flies under the radar, like ppl kind of know that she’s the kara danvers from page six, wife of lena luthor and doing the gala circuit when needed, but no one ever like rlly registers it ya know??

likes the kiddos friends kind of put it together but she’s still just mrs danvers to them, their friends rlly cool mom that helps them do these rlly awesome science experiments when they come over and are bored.  a couple ppls parents find out and refuse to let their kids go over anymore and the kids dont understand why and lena like.....lost tbh.  like how does she explain that??  how does she let them know its her fault, that she did this to them by association and for that she is truly sorry

but like the kiddos rlly just let it roll of their backs like it only happens maybe a handful of times and their friends are still their friends at school

but like??  when they get older, they get more vocal, like??  they’re proud of their mother and theyre so fucking sick of hearing the weird, awful comments ppl make about luthors whenever lex winds up in the news again and maia reaches a point of just FUCK OFF levels of anger, starts screaming IM A LUTHOR TOO, MOTHERFUCKER when she tackles someone in the hallway after hearing superman should do the world a favor and just get rid of that entire rats nest during passing period and that’s sort of what outs them all

things change a little after that??  like most of their friends stick around, but there is definitely a wariness towards the danvers kiddos after that, but they bear it with pride, like finn and stella arent upset in the slightest.  like??  so they lost a couple friends; good, better leave now bc they love their mom a whole hell of a lot more than those ppl and that’s never going to change

like??  they rlly arent that aware of the weird spotlight they live in for a while when they’re small, particularly maia and finn like......kara and lena kept their relationship rlly rlly quiet for a long time.  like??  no one knew they were an item until they rlly needed to come out and say it, and then they got engaged and married rlly quietly, just family and lena kept her name professionally so no one rlly knew.  and they kept her pregnancy under wraps, not necessarily hiding??  but just not announcing it either and quite honestly the press doesnt know abt finn until some opportunistic pap gets a shot of kara and lena with little roly poly finn at the park, looking every bit the deliriously happy family they are.  its much the same for maia, with no one outside of their little circle of friends and family knowing abt her until someone catches a picture of them with two little ones, not one.  and like stella??  hell, stella doesnt rlly get a debut until she’s nearly four tbh and its bc she v seriously asks to be lena’s date to her gala and like how was lena going to say no to that request

that said, when they get older, they’re kind of prime targets for some asshole opportunistic paps to swarm and try and get quotes from, try and smear the luthor name some more.  lena issues a no nonsense statement that she’s fair game, but her children are off limits.  catco worldwide issues a similar statement, that the family lives of their reporters are not open for discussion and that such targeting of children is a reprehensible act that has no place in journalism

that helps, that and the ruthless way their family encircles them, fights the press and tabloids and fights to give the kiddos as normal of a life as possible.  and like???  they rlly do.  there’s a couple incidents where the heightened scrutiny was noticeable, but mostly??  the kiddos rlly dont notice, just flip the newspaper over when its lex on the front page or switch whatever gossip show off when the topic comes round to lena, little things like that that help them live as normally as they can

All

oh boy

1. namerain

2. age14

3. three fearsnever being loved back, hurting the people i care about, and the people i love secretly hating me

4. three things i lovepokemonnice weatherthe piano

5. 4 turn onsgetting hit by a car is apparently one of themi actually dont know honestly if i’m attracted to you, because i so rarely find people attractive, everything u do will Get Me Goin and that’s all i can think

6. 4 turn offsdamn bitch idk

7. my best friendyall know who i would choose if i had to choose one do i really gotta say it again

8. sexual orientationim pan, i also think i’m demisexual but god who knows

9. my best first datei don’t even know what qualified as a date bc ive only gone on dates with one person and i don’t know what we actually considered a date or just hangin out??

10. how tall am iuhhh i cant remember exactly i think i’m 5′5

11. what do i miss?honestly?? i kinda miss the way things used to be before i confessed to liking the person i currently like. i mean nothing has actually changed between us but i still feel bad about liking her and hate that i can’t comfort her without it seeming like “oh, you just think i’m great and talented because you have a crush on me” i feel like me comforting her ends up less sincere now and i hate that and it’s also,, like god i didn’t want to feel this way i really intended on taking a break from romance but my dumbass heart was like “no” and ughh fuck

12. what time was i bornidk

13. fav colorblue

14. do i have a crushfeel like i just made that pretty clear

15. fav quote “And you know it’s not good–that there is no good–that there’s absolutely nothing that can ever come of it.But you do it anyway. And then…Well. Then you burn.”(from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell)

16. fav placethis is gross but anywhere with her

17. fav foodidk

18. do i use sarcasmof course 

19. what am i listening to rni’m being Exposed,, i’m listening to sarah smiles by p!atd

20. first thing i notice in a new personusually their clothes, like the way they dress

21. shoe size8 and a half or 9 in womens

22. eye colorbrown

23. hair colordark brown

24. fav style of clothinguhh idk

25. ever done a prank call?no

27. meaning behind my urlit’s just a pokemon lol

28. fav moviewho knows

29. fav songi really like robbers by the 1975 and rn i’m obsessed with do i wanna know by arctic monkeys 

30. fav bandgosh idk

31. how i feel right nowgay

32. someone i loveall my friends!! all of u!!

33. my current relationship statussad

34. my relationship with my parents:/

35. fav holidayeither halloween or xmas

36. tattoos and piercings i haveone piercing in each ear lobe and one tat on my ankle

37. tattoos and piercings i wanti kinda want a lip piercing but idk and i wanna be like,, covered in tats 

38. the reason i joined tumblrmemes

39. do i and my last ex hate each other?no, i dont hate any of my exes

40. do i ever get good morning or good night texts?sometimes goodnight texts

41. have i ever kissed the last person you texted?god i wish,, no tho

42. when did i last hold hands?gosh it’s been so long i don’t remember

43. how long does it take me to get ready in the morning?like an hour maybe more

44. have you shaved your legs in the last three days?idk i forgot

45. where am i right now?my bedroom

47. do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level?loud

48. do i live with my mom and dad?ya

49. am i excited for anything?excited to die

50. do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to?nah

51. how often do i wear a fake smile?i usually don’t, i just let myself look sad and my friends usually don’t say anything or they’re making me laugh and i’m distracted

52. when was the last time i hugged someone?i huged @strawberrymilk-kid when getting off the bus today

53. what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone right in front of me?i’d be like “dude!! did you get a girlfriend holy shit i’m happy for u!!”

54. is there someone i trust even though i shouldn’t?nah

55. what is something i disliked about today?um all the parts where i started being a jealous bitch 

56. if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be?dan avidan

57. what do i think about the most?wtf do you think bitch

58. what’s my strangest talent?haha talent whats that

59. do i have any strange phobias?no not really

60. do i prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?depends

61. what was the last lie i told?this is emo but probably that i was alright hah

62. do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting?gosh idk,, calling is less stressful bc i don’t have to worry about my disgusting face i guess

63. do i believe in ghosts? how about aliens?there are probably aliens, but idk about ghosts i mean like who knows

64. do i believe in magic?could be real, might not be, who knows

65. do i believe in luck?yeah i guess

66. what’s the weather like right now?it’s alright

67. what was the last book i read?hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

68. do i like the smell of gasoline?no

69. do i have any nicknames?my mom calls me rainbow but not really other than that but i love nicknames so someone call me by a nickname

70. what was the worse injury i’ve ever had?i sprained my arm once

71. do i spend money or save it?spend

72. can i touch my nose with my tongue?no

73. is there anything pink ten feet from me?im wearing pink so

74. fav animal?idk

75. what was i doing last night at 12am?sleeping after a long day of mental breakdown 

76. what do i think satan’s last name is?burke

77. what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it?uhh idk

78. how can you win my heart?be funny, love music (especially if you play it/can sing), and if you have curly hair or freckles i’m probably already in love with you so

79. what would i want written on my tombstone?“i’m gay”

80. what is my fav word?i have a few, my top three are “gentle”, “lover”, and “soft”

81. my top five blogs on tumblrman i dont know

82. if the whole world were listening to me right now, what would i say?that’s too much responsibility 

83. do i have any relatives in jail?my dad went to jail a few times, two of my uncles have been in there too, but none of them are still in there

85. what would be a question i’d be afraid to tell the truth on?i sat here trying to think of one for live five mins and i cant86. what is my current desktop pic?danny sexbang 

87. had sex?no

88. bought condoms?no

89. gotten pregnant?no

90. failed a class?not for a quarter grade or anything but there have been times where i was failing

91. kissed a boy?yeah i think so

92. kissed a girl?no sadly

93. have i ever kissed somebody in the rain?no

94. had a job?no

95. left the house without my wallet?probably

96. bullied someone on the internet?no

97. had sex in public?no

98. played on a sports team?i was on the soccer team in seventh grade

99. smoked weed?nah

100. did drugs?no

101. smoke cigarettes?no

102. drank alcohol?no 

103. am i a vegetarian/vegan?no

104. been overweight?nah

105. been underweight?idk

106. been to a wedding?ive been to two

107. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?probably

108. watched tv for five hours straight?probably

109. been outside my home country?no

110. gotten my heart broken?yep

111. been to a professional sports game?no

112. broken a bone?no

113. cut myself?no, but i’ve wanted to

114. been to prom?no

115. been in an airplane?yeah

116. fly by helicopter?no

117. what concerts have i been to?i went to one twenty one pilots concert that’s it

118. had a crush on someone of the same sex?oh yeah

119. learned another language?no

120. wore makeup?i wear it everyday

121. lost my virginity before i was 18?i’ve never had sex so no

122. had oral sex?no

123. dyed my hair?yeah

124. voted in a presidential election?nope

125. rode in an ambulance? no

126. had surgery?i had a tooth extracted but that’s it

127. met someone famous?no

128. stalked someone on a social media account?dude every time my friends are online i look through their whole blog just bc i like seein what my friends are rebloggin

 129. peed outside?a long time ago but yeah

130. been fishing?yeah

131. helped with charity?i don’t have money to donate to charities 

132. been rejected by a crush?hoooo boy i sure have been

133. broken a mirror?no 

134. what do i want for my birthday?a nude binder

thank u for asking!

NCT DREAM : Private School Boys!au (part 1)

A glossary for all yall who don’t attend a private school~

Sports - Rugby, Hockey and Cricket (played depending on the seasons like Cricket is played during Summer)

Teams - A,B,C,D ect... (A is the for the ppl best at the sport and it goes down from there) I’m in the E’s

Squads - practising sports after school

Groups - idk bout other schools but my year is randomly split into L & R

Sets - there r three sets for L & R and u have most of yr lessons with ppl in the same English set as u but maths and science r different (for example I’m in R1)

Colours - badges u get for being güd at certain subjects kinda salty that I only have 1 colour

Houses - u know, like in Harry Potter but like 10x more competitive

Daily - someone who goes to school normally

Boarder - someone who ‘lives’ in school until the term breaks (oh ye and I’m a British boarder)

International - a boarder from another country

House parents - ppl who look after the boarders

Prefects and Monitors - things that I’m not ppl who help teachers out

Tuck - extra food like sweets n stuff

In this au the private school is in England cuz that’s where I’m from

Anyways~

Mark

International boarder from Canada 🇨🇦

Patiently waiting for the Summer holidays cuz this boy has been working HARD

Coffee and Redbull literally flow through his veins during exam week cuz he barely blinks at night

R1 - hates half his set but still talks to them to make himself look social

Surprisingly shit at Rugby but somehow in the A’s for hockey

Once made Renjun beat the shit outta him to skip squads for Rugby

Head of year (deserves it)

Bottom set science but top set maths

Music teacher loves him

ppl in his music set actually pay him to write songs for them sometimes

Sneaks tuck in his bedroom cuz he a bad bih

Spends the 9 week Summer holidays to update his insta @100%fullycapable

Posts too much about Haechan

Voted most likely to become successful

Everyone loves him💖

Haechan

A daily but spends most weekends at the boarding house cuz his dad is always away

Family own a massive hotel in London, Meaning he gets a discount every time he visits

Tried to bring the dreamies to the hotel once but got kicked out cuz: Mark touched shit every 5 seconds, Renjun kept stealing mints from the receptionist, Jisung used the ‘staff only bathroom’, and Chenle basically shattered glass with his dolphine laugh

(Jaemin and Jeno claim to have done nothing)

They hung out with the pigeons until his dad picked them up 3 hours later

Brings tuck for the rest of the boarders cuz they usually run out after two weeks

R3 - moved down from R2 cuz he told his English teacher that Shakespeare wasn’t the greatest writer in literature, but that John Green was after reading the fault in our stars

Blames all the misfortune in the world towards his English teacher

Luvs physics

Doesn’t like talking about sports cuz he’s in the D’s for everything claims that he used to play ice hockey nationally and that “real hockey is for losers”

But it’s ok tho cuz he’s deputy head of year with mark and a prefect

Voted for most likely to become famous

Everyone thinks he’s a tsundere but he likes it ✌️•3•✌️

Renjun

Another daily who spends too much time in the boarding house

First went to the boarding house after his brother threw his xbox out of the window during an argument

The house parents let him stay in Chenle’s room and he stayed up all night crying about how it took him over 300 hours to establish a wealthy status, family and job in Sims 4

L1 - tops set for science and maths as well

Art teacher saw him drawing moomins in the corner of his book and said “why are you drawing cartoons?”

So he spray painted bitch all over the wall of her office

He got away with it tho

Captain of the A’s in hockey and almost chocked Haechan when he said “real hockey is for losers”

In his defence his feelings were hurt

Art and D.T monitor

Voted for best hair

Everyone wants to be his friend cuz he’ll dab on your grave if u piss him off

Jaemin

Daily who doesn’t want to go anywhere near the boarding house

“It’s so unhygienic inside, like once I had to stay over and when I jumped into the bed, a cloud, like a CLOUD of dust fell on me. It was so sad, I had to shower for like two hours straight when I got back home, thats why I always carry a spare bottle of hand sanatiser”

Mark gets highkey pissed that he has to wash his hands before and after hanging out with him, but Jeno says it’s just a phase

OVER DRAMATIC

Best actor in school, and knows it

Thinks everyone is out to eliminate him whenever he gets the lead role in a play but ties to ‘take out’ the lead if he isn’t

Never shows up to squads

Self proclaimed insta model @bbynana

Forced Asked Jeno to make him a fan account and designated him as his personal photographer

Cried when Irene Kim requested to follow him but broke his phone when he realised it was a fan account

L3 - threw a massive tantrum once when Jeno was off school

Voted for prettiest smile

Everyone wants to be tagged by him

Jeno

Daily - parents don’t want him to leave home

L3 - with Jaemin all day

Supposed to be top set in science but the teachers didn’t wanna deal with Jaemin’s bullshit

LUVS CHEMISTRY and literally wrote till death do us apart on his book

The whole class always looks at him weirdly in science cuz he gets excited to balance symbol equations

Has daily photo shoots with Jaemin every lunch time and once took a really good photo that Jaemin wanted as his new profile pic, but accidentally deleted it

Jaemin was so salty that he almost didn’t talk to him for half an hour

Voted runner up for prettiest smile

Everyone thinks he’s a pure ball of sunshine cuz he’s always smiling

OMG first post!

Part 2 is about Jisung and Chenle~

- yaya

Episode #3: "Make me look like fucking Doofenshmirtz when I’m trying to be like Maleficent" - Mo

So first off WOOOOO! The vote happened exactly as it was supposed to. I'm hoping that means I'm actually on the pulse of this tribe. I've gradually been getting closer to Jared, and I think he trusts me probably more than I trust him.

Second off, this challenge my god. I hate it, like it's a good challenge but for me... oof. Doing this, it's like I have facial dyslexia or something. Like all of the mouths and eyes start blending together and it just starts to look nuts.

I'm hoping to keep trudging forward, if we somehow pull a win out of this, even better if Cyrena goes to tribal again given it was basically unanimous. Alternatively Orfeo to balance things out. I'm tired though and it's been a long day, so it is now time to sleep.

I’m conflicted because I so badly want to be a bad bitch and create an over the top plan but there’s such a high chance that it will flop and make me look like fucking Doofenshmirtz when I’m trying to be like Maleficent. So I’m going to try to create my own kinda of genius that only applies to me. It sounds stupid but it’ll work. I’m being bold by saying it’ll work cus if I get eliminated I’ll look like a Doofenshmirtz. We’ll see. I’m already making charts to help me see who’s good and who’s not so good at comps. Comparing teammates to eachother and comparing the entire cast to eachother. Wish me luck. (Also I love everyone in this cast.)

So like I have so many mixed feelings about this cast. In terms of talking a lot of them are BORING or LEAVE ME ON READ, and like maybe for some it’s cause I’m not in their tribe but like, some people on my tribe still make me want to hit my head against a rock. So like that’s what I’m feeling.

Also think we’re gonna loose this immunity which I’ve hardly done anything for. So go me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a small update Mitch and I are chatting so that answers that question

"What's going on?" Well I shall tell you Anna Jane exactly what is going on. I need to get back into therapy that's what.

Apparently everyone is stressed about results and then there is me who does not care cause I want bodhi gone cause he legit doesn't talk to me so meh.

ALSO ALISSA FOUND AN IDOL QUEEEN. so we now have an idol between the 3 of us which could come in handy very much later down the road which we love! I have 100% trust in jack and alyssa now, with mo as my number 3 on this tribe. As much as i love tobi personally (hi tobi reading this post season) but like idk something is still off. he hasn't spoken much game to me at the moment so idk where his head is really at..

god help us its results this challenge was hard woo go cyrena!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we lost by 1 point. oh my god. 1 point. that makes me wanna cry. dear god let this be a simple vote or i will actually start crying

WHY MUST I ALWAYS BE ON THE SHITTY TRIBE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IS THERE SOME SICK SATISFACTION OF ME ALWAYS GOING TO TRIBAL????? FUCK

I am SO pumped! I do feel bad for the people on Cyrena, but where it stands now, them going to tribal I feel is best for my game just relationship-wise for me. Still, I can only hope I am making few bonds over on their end while maintaining the ones I have on my tribe and Tuatha as well. I do really hope Mo at least makes it because he helped me this morning when I was getting bummed about all the winner talk. I'm quite optimistic for right now!

I Wrote Alexis Maxwell But I Erased It

Well we won the challenge (BARELY), a bit annoyed that we submitted before I got another chance to take a crack at the photos. I feel like I could've maybe found 1 or 2 more before we submitted. Granted we'd need to have found either 3 more or beaten Orfeo to the punch if we had wanted the reward.

I think so long as Bodhi doesn't go on Cyrena I'm pretty indifferent about them losing. They're the people I talk to the least relatively. Ideally I'd probably want an Alyssa, or Matt boot, but I have no influence so we'll see what happens.

I'm just trying to be social and relatively unimposing right now. It's Day 8, now's not the time to be doing glaringly bold things.

um so we won wooh but still no 2nd idol im sad i want one. um wanted green tribe to go tribal but blue going again i hope bodhi/jack/alyssa leave cuz they dont talk to me ever um ya thatd be cute or maybe tobi cuz hes a snake but maybe he not a snake this time? my stan list atm is jared > zach = rhys > loris = chloe > everyone else. my unstan list is: sharky jack alyssa mitch <3 um yaa hope i can do sth. chris so good gotta always watch out for him jared asked who i wanted to go to f3 with and i said def not chris and he was like oh i wanted chris in end so like hes def a threat also he likes zach so um that needs to stop real quick.

I think it should be Bodhi or Tobi to go. Am I gonna say anything? Not right now, no. Will I say something later? No clue it depends. But Bodhi isn’t as active as the others and doesn’t participate all that much. Tobi is semi-active but isn’t great at challenges. I remember him being good at challenges so idk if he’s just distracted or not putting that much energy into this. I think a swap is happening after this potentially but if it ain’t it’s still best to vote out the weakest link. It might be me and I might just be super cocky rn but I don’t think it’s me.

hi! yesterday was a monumental day. I tried to mend my social game with those I hadn’t talked much to, which resulted in me having a lengthy conversation with jack, and making me feel a bit more secure in my tribe/in the event of a swap. the people I don’t talk to keep getting voted out which I’m very much a fan of but that’s probably because they were inactive so that trend might not continue :(. also I lied in my last conf I’m now in an alliance with Chris Jared kori and Bryce? I didn’t expect it but i didn’t feel too close with kori so that should help me solidify something there!! :) I’m thriving. don’t call me ANGEL!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

don’t call me ANGEL! (in case of task challenge :p)

So we won the challenge. Again. It’s really nice to be able to just sit back and relax in the game and watch people struggle but I’m really nervous about it because we’re all so kumbaya on the Oreo tribe that I don’t fully know who I can trust just yet. Another piece of tea is the fact that Alyssa has an idol which is great for me because it shows Alyssa trusts me and I can trust her for the time being. However I’m worried about Alyssa because we keep promising each other merge which tells me she won’t want to go to the end with me just yet so I gotta keep her close and we’ll see how much damage we can do but i think I’m thriving bc I actually know where an idol is compared to last time when I had no clue.

so previously on The Adventures of a F*g, i had a small breakdown about the game. i dont know if true, but bryce informed me of an alliance between kori/jared/bryce/loris/chris, and the last two named are super close allies of mine (the closest on my tribe). they like.. didnt tell me shit about it and idk i guess i just feel excluded and it sucks that im in legit 0 (real) alliances. ive been doing good socially i thought and i dont know but i feel like i really sucked.

meanwhile, i sat down with a bag of salt and vinegar lays chips and talked to myself. why was i doing bad? why was i in 0 alliances? why no one like me?

then it hit me... like boom.

i realized that a typical flaw i had this game was caring too much. i pride myself on my ability to read situations (barring paranoia) and i know myself very well. like, i realized that since i was too concerned with doing good and proving myself, i kind of lost the fun of it all and probably come off as fake or forcible to other people. that isn't authentic.

BUT MY EPIPHANY increased even further. how? i dont know!! my brains so fucking big. i just had to be goofy. yes, i want to do good. i really do. but i played once before in this series and got RU pots and 5th. i know i am capable of being a good player and im content with that, and now that im moving into that mindset where this game wont no longer dictate whether im good or bad, im going to start having fun.

i know this isnt about game really but its like... #selfdiscovery

but ya i just wanted to update yalls on that. i won immunity though so im f18 and probs in swap. woo. finna get fucked. anyway, thank u.

and since i want like attention on this post im going to put tags.

#selfdiscovery #justgirlythings #l4l #follow4follow #gay #faggot #0alliances #disney #anime #weeb #lgbt #survivor #bigbrother #celestial

After we won the face morph challenge, it has been pretty slow. I still have a solid group with me Stephen Z and Jared. Kori and Bryce are close, Jared and I are close, Rhys and Jared are close, and Stephen and I are close. Those are the allegiances I know of right now, but things could change. Lucky for the alliance of 5, they all get to stick together. If there is a swap though, I won't hesitate to flip on bryce/rhys/kori if the opportunity presents itself. I am also kind of worried I am not keeping up socially. I have had a busy week, so my availability is limited, but I try to talk to as many people as I can when I am available. If my predicitons are correct, we should expect a swap soon. I'd love to meet up with Michael, Bodhi, Alyssa, Chloe, Drew, and Mo just to name a few. I feel like I have been able to connect well with everyone except Matt H.

So, as per my last confessional we are at tribal. And I'm conflicted. As said before I have an alliance with jack and Alyssa and they are my main 2 at the moment like love them both. We helped Alyssa find the idol and we now have a vote steal which I found. However I am feeling kinda conflicted over this vote. Jack and Alyssa want to get rid of Tobi but I personally want bodhi gone. He doesn't talk to me like at all and like he's not the best at challenges. I wanna keep Tobi as well for like a laugh because I genuinely love him. We all agreed to keep mo thank god but still, a lil conflicted. AGH. I have found a vote steal tho woo. I'm not going to be happy but I'll swallow my pride and just go with the alliance, because I'm not out here trying to make waves and be unloyal at the moment. That's for later LOL

I think there is a relatively high chance that i'm going home here, considering its 1 and a half hours till tribal and people "still haven't heard anything" so i'm assuming that i'm getting the chop here which sucks... I tried pretty hard considering i've been pretty busy and like they're not giving me much to work with here and it feels like im trying to break through a wall. I'm trying to get the target on bodhi but no one is fucking online to even try to talk to about it so i'm at  a lost for what to do here... I want to stay but i just don't know how to do that when no one is talking to me... i could just be extremely paranoid and i sound delusional right now but idk something feels off here... its so annoying when I enjoy talking to other tribes more than my own NNNN like i really wish things were different but they're not so i'm just gonna try my best and see what happens

Woo we win again. Im trying to step up socially with my tribe, although who knows how long it's gonna matter bc we're prob swapping tonight. Apparently people were saying mo's name, let's pray it doesn't happen bc he's a good fucking kid.

Well it's been a slow couple of days for me. In game I can't really speak much to anything that may have happened. I feel like Tuatha has had a bit of a kumbaya casual flow going on. Which isn't necessarily bad but it makes it hard for me to know how I'm really doing.

Tobi was messaging me worried it might be him, which admittedly wouldn't be the worst thing given how we ended our last game. I was kindof an ass which I kindof leaned into after essentially throwing that game, but I still wish I'd found a way to end things better with him. While there are others I'd rather see go, his boot is one I can probably accept.

If it isn't him then oof who knows then. So long as it isn't Bodhi from that tribe. Overall I'm feeling ok, but I don't want to get complacent, it's just so early that I really don't know what to make of things. One world still isn't really helping since I'm still struggling to try and make conversation with EVERYONE. I really should consider just narrowing it down to some instead of all.

I’m sure hoping this works out for me if there is a tribe swap like a suspect, I think I’ve built some strong enough connections but without going to tribal it’s just not possible for me to be 100%

I've never been on a tribe with a winning streak I feel like I'm in the upside down hahaha. I'm having a great time and getting to know everybody and not having the stress of tribal is great. Sucks for the other tribes OOP

Nothing much is happening! I am still set up perfectly on my tribe and Bodhi has informed me that either Mo or Matt might be going. That was at the beginning of the round so it could really be anyone. I just hope it isn't Bodhi Alyssa or Mo.

Ok this past round was ok. I just kind of let us lose immunity and then we voted out Tobi. I didn’t want to vote out Tobi but that fucker voted for me so I don’t really care at all fuck him.

So not very much has changed on Tuatha as far as I can tell. My tribe winning the immunity challenge has helped me delay any confrontation between my 2 alliances which is great, as it should theoretically allow me to maintain relationships with all 6 members of the tribe. Still, it's going to keep being important to win immunity or pray for a swap in order to keep these groups from clashing.

Jared and Rhys are still a ? for me. I don't know why/how Rhys was able to convince Kori to invite Jared to the alliance of 5 instead of Mitch, and it worries me that those 2 may have a stronger bond than I immediately suspected. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to deal with that when the time comes.

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Tobi is voted out 5-1. We swap!

Episode #13: Time To Hustle -Shoib

BIIIIIIIIIITTTTTCCCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/xThtaa8QxgyX5D3dGE/giphy.gif Oh it's over for these hoes cause they sure did botch 2 opportunities in a row to get me out. Lemme just let y'all know it takes talent to go from queen of the castle to being overthrown and nearly being punished to death but getting exiled instead and then spin it all round and finesse the anarchists into keeping you. HOW DID I SURVIVE DEATH ROW???!? Actually don't answer that I don't wanna know I'm just gonna live in this cute space where my handiwork of keeping a low profile and making up with Shields #3 and 4 made the difference. Unfortunately my living has come at a high cost.... and when I saw that vote https://78.media.tumblr.com/3c6dbf52b0e2d7594c4f78500edc10f3/tumblr_inline_o0vmn9APBo1qgt71j_500.gif Rebecka deserved better and I'm shoooook. I'm grateful we actually got time to work together this game. Like we've just reached such a mutual understanding and appreciation for each other that I adore her and it's all really come full circle since Himalayas. Now here I am having a lot of Crossroads deja vu i.e. me just waiting to die and everyone I care about dies instead. Like I am going to GRIEVE if Mitch and Eddie go next; either I die and they win or they die and I win out. And considering my track record, I'm preparing myself for the latter https://media.giphy.com/media/JZn1G3vlpHxvy/source.gif What I will say though is I'm at peace cause I looked death in the eye last night at rocks and I lived. Then I just sat on death row all day and lived. So I'm going full Monte Cristo mode- exile's over folks I'm out for blood. And the challenge is Scattegories aka MY SHIT??? The admins really want to see me thrive again huh. A lot of ugliness had to go down for me to be here. I killed Drew, Jacob, and Ben; I lost Tyler, Matt, Mo, and Rebecka; I didn't even get to interact with Katherine, Vi, Tee, Tim, or Pocket. A lot of great people took the ultimate L so the least I could do is not waste it and channel that sacrifice into getting the W

Late but my og target Rebecka is out, which is perfect for my game. Now there are 4 fans and 4 favs. Everyone is still worried about an idol, which I know where one is, but not the other one. I hope Matt had it and it got flushed. Now I have to focus on winning immunity to ensure that I am safe, but prob won't because WE LOVE FLOPPING COMPS. COULDN'T BE ANOTHER DRINKING COMP.

I TRIED TO TELL YALL

https://media.giphy.com/media/angxk41erdQPe/giphy.gif Auttegories came to slay she is not playing with the girls at all. I was having the shittiest shift cause my ginger coworker was being an ass, like more than usual (an Aries btw), so he got kicked out mid-shift and that meant I had to clean our two story Barnes and Noble by myself and got off LATE, like well after midnight. But when I got off work? and saw the good news??? Iconic- greatest day of the game to date. God is real and She sure does listen cause not only am I safe, but they're clocking king of the floaters tonight: Miss Shoib. His own snakes are coming for him and honestly? I'm here for it. Like he's cool and everything but he really believes that group will be loyal to him forever and ever amen all because of fucking rocks and I'm like baby that was days ago and snakes play hour to hour so keep up https://78.media.tumblr.com/2e66fc2744d0adc217f1e450845bba93/tumblr_nre8i9uvQe1uzobd0o2_400.gif Also is loyalty to snakes even real?? Because won't they just... ya know... snake you like they do everyone else? But you were loyal so their entire brand doesn't apply to you? Sounds inch resting but that's none of my business. Me, Eddie, and Mitch making Final 7, me having a guaranteed 1/7 shot of winning Navarino, and me matching my Himalayas placement if shit goes left? Now THAT'S my business. Also if memory serves correct, didn't Shoib throw me under the bus at Final 10 in order to get in with the snakes who are slithering around getting votes for him at Final 8 right now? Looks like it paid off https://media.giphy.com/media/l41YqxpMHPjmyOJGg/giphy.gif

So the tea is that Julia and Jake want to get Shoib out this round. And that they don't want to target me and keep me around a little longer. Which is a NUT if they're being truthful. And I don't exactly want to pass up this opportunity to be on the right side of the votes this time. Plus I feel like Julia would be pissed if I skipped an opportunity for her to save me, y'know But I also have a feeling Shoib knows this is happening? He's been very quiet everywhere.

Why is everyone surrounded by drama? Its gross. I guess im voting Shoib? But I feel this is a ruse to get Julia out?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2pTNarDXGc

I hope shoib dies

These mofos are trying to vote for meeeeeeeeeeeeee, FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. TIME TO HUSTLE. Trixie gave me the heads up and I am trying to stay calm and just vote Mitch out and I feel like I CAN survive but it all depends on whether or not Jake trusts me enough to keep me, he is in control right now and I need to flip it on him later on in the game if I survive tonight.

im trying so hard to save pirate boy i hope it works out

i really wanted shoib out this round and even convinced julia and heather to flip but i talked to trixie and now i don’t want to do idk like trixie wants to get julia to flip back on mitch i don’t fucking know shoib weirded me out hard core but maybe he’s being loyal for real. idk i just want eddie to be safe on that side that’s all i care about.

women question thingy cuz im bored

GENERAL WOMANHOOD: 1. Do you like the color pink? nnnot really? pastel pink is kinda cool i guess 2. Did you play with Barbie dolls as a child? ye 3. How easily do you cry? not very? but more so now than before 4. What food do you eat the most of when you’re sad? i eat whatever tbh i dont sad eat? 5. How often do you experience boob sweat? whenever i sweat zz 6. How moody are you when you are you are on your period? doesnt really matter? idk 7. Have you ever thought you were pregnant because your period was late? binch i dont even get a text back i cant have sex HAHAHA 8. Have you ever been on the pill? no, but like my periods are so fucking bizarre so idk but ??? 9. Would you ever want to have children someday? tbh idk i guess but im still too young to decide lol 10. Have you ever given birth? If not, would you ever want to? no, and idk yet :v 11. How good of a cook do you consider yourself? a little above average because i just throw food in without recipes and stuff but my mother is a wizard 12. What is your favorite thing to cook? egg.. ngl its just crack dat bitch and cook it its easy af HAHA  13. Can you sew? ye i guess but not actual clothes 14. Do you consider yourself a feminist? i think so, but like i’m not “active” and also wtf is wrong with “feminists” that want death to men like seriously you’re also part of the problem yall crazy 15. How do you define “girl power?” power specifically for girls, may it be over their body or themselves?? 16. Have you ever wished you were born a male? a little but only cuz that one time i think i was gay for a friend and it would be much easier to come to terms with it, speaking of which i dont even know my sexuality but i dont really care LOL 17. Breastfeeding or formula? breastfeeding  18. What is your opinion of equal pay? its important!! but then if we’re not looking at gender its unfair if someone who does jackshit gets the same pay as someone working their literal ass off. instead of adjusting based on gender why not adjust it based on work done? if you slack off u get a pay cut if u work hard you get a raise? 19. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? ah shit uh, i think i’m both??? (that makes no sense) like i know i have no right to force someone to do something but at least maybe i’d like to talk to them about it? a life is a life /shrugs/ but ultimately it is not my choice to make if it’s not my situation, all i can do is to maybe let someone understand the morality behind say abortion. HOWEVER!!! i think birth control for period management because of certain conditions is good and this shouldn’t be taken away from people who need it!! I’m just so !!! at women getting refused treatment for a spontaneous abortion or whatever because its an abortion, but the body rejected the foetus all on its own!! she has a right to healthcare!! (i saw this on a documentary on abortion in the ph iirc and like refusing someone treatment because its not moral to “fully abort” a foetus, even though it’s already aborted by the BODY ITSELF and not by other MEANS is literally not caring for the person who needs the HELP?!?!!?? its more immoral to refuse healthcare to her than to give her healthcare to abort the foetus because the body aborted it by itself it is spontaneous sometimes it happens okay?????) 20. Have you ever experienced any sexism? If so, please explain. i dont think so tbh 21. What is one thing about women you think most men don’t know? not everyone wants your dick in their vagina shut the fuck up HAHA 22. Complete this phrase: I’m so glad I’m a woman because______. i’m not burdened by society rules about hugging my friends and make up? i have no idea tbh i’m just eh about everything am i even a woman HAHAHA

LIFE EXPERIENCES: 23. Have you ever been a Girl Scout? no 24. Have you ever been a ballerina? noo 25. Have you ever been a cheerleader? no 26. Were you ever voted as a homecoming or prom queen? can we eat prom? 27. Have you ever hosted a sleepover? yeah i guess but its just because my friends dont wanna walk one block home its great HAHA 28. Do you belong to a sorority? we dont have those things in here 29. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal? i used to keep a diary when i was a kid now i just want a bujo but where s my shit 30. American ladies: did you vote for Hillary Clinton? not american PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: 31. What is the longest your hair has ever been? a v-cut where the longest was at my asscrack 32. Have you ever cut your hair super short? shaved it for hair for hope uvu 33. What hairstyle do you wear the most? either down with a side parting or up/half-up in a hairstick, at home just an ugly ass bun. like my hair is nice but the style is meh 34. Have you ever dyed your hair? no, im afraid of spoiling it 35. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed? now im always heavy lmao  36. How muscular are you? i have some muscle in my calves and the top of my arms but im 90% fat so 37. Are your ears pierced? one on each lobe 38. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ears? nah 39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? noo 40. How often do you wear lipstick or lipgloss? almost never, if i wear makeup i still forget about it LOL 41. How often do you paint your nails? rarely 42. Have you ever worn any fake eyelashes or fake nails? yes at both but fake nails dont survive  43. How often do you shave/wax your legs? i never did  44. How white are your teeth? eh not very but its not stained v badly i guess 45. What do you think is your best physical feature? my softness? 46. What do you think is your worst physical feature? fats HAHA 47. Do you have a “look” (i.e. a mad/annoyed/upset stare)? blur face 48. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions? i dont i just make potato faces FASHION STYLE: 49. What is your favorite fashion brand? prolly iora or lalu or something i think they have korean-ish/school-girl ish aesthetic  50. Do you wear skirts and dresses at all? If so, how often? ye, not v often because school is anal about it :) 51. What is your dress size? dunno but i think im like a L-XL depending on cut? 52. Do you wear any high heels or stilettos at all? If so, how often? no, dont own any 53. Have you ever worn high heels casually? no? not really nah 54. How often do you wear a bra? only in public or when non-family members are in the house 55. Does it matter if your bra and panties match or not? i alternate between only 2 bras i dont care 56. Which are you more likely to go without: a bra or panties? i forgot to wear a bra like 3 times in my life two of which i already had noticecable boobs 57. How much of your underwear is white? i have a few now? 58. Have you ever worn a skirt or a dress without any panties underneath? yo wtf dont get ur vag juices everywhere omg also everything is dirty dont do that 59. What is the shortest length of skirts and dresses you are comfortable wearing? if i fold the butt part to wrap my butt and it manages to cover my entire butt i guess but only if i have safety shorts 60. How expensive was your prom dress? shit idr 61. What clothing item do you own the most of (if shirts, be specific to what kind)? t-shirts (but not anymore-) 62. How much jewelry do you typically wear? a pair of earrings, used to have a necklace but i havent got a new chain yet 63. How much makeup do you typically wear? either full face or none, twice before concealer + eyeliner thats it 64. Do you like eyeshadow? THAT SHITE BOMB 65. Do you carry a purse? i prefer a bigger bag because i bring way too much shit 66. What is your preferred way to carry a purse: In your hand, on your elbow, or on your elbow? slung on my shoulder 67. How big is your closet? not very 68. Have you ever looked through your closet an thought “I have nothing to wear”? YES WTF BC I LOOK LIKE A HOBO (also i literally keep running out of shirts nowadays) 69. Have you ever worn the same outfit more than once? ya what do u think i am a diva? HAHA 70. One-piece swimsuits or bikinis? t-shirt and shorts 71. Have you ever worn a mismatched bikini? i never put my body into a bikini 72. Do you like tube and halter tops fat arms man :v 73. Do you like crop tops? they look aesthetic af but just not on me HAHAHAH 74. Are you comfortable showing off a little cleavage? ye i guess WEDDING CRAZE: 75. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? no but i’ve been flower girl multiple times 76. Would you ever want to get married? i guess 77. For how long have you thought about your wedding? i dont even have a crush rn so i never even thought of it 78. How much of your wedding do you already have planned out? -100% 79. Indoor or outdoor wedding? church wedding preferable in an airconditioned one imean- HAHAHA 80. Would you want to have a lot of bridesmaids or just a couple? i dont have a lot of friends DATING & RELATIONSHIPS: 81. What is your current relationship status? single as a pringle never gonna mingle 82. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? no 83. Are you a virgin? If not, which gender did you lose your virginity to? yes 84. What personality trait are you most attracted to? shit uh, (judging on my 2d biases) cheerful puppy type? 85. Have you ever been on a blind date? no 86. Has anyone ever tried to set you up on a date? noo 87. Do you kiss on a first date? no  88. How often do guys hit on you? never HAHA 89. Have you ever kissed another woman? If so, did you like it? shIt ya and ya, go away 90. Have you ever dated another woman? i almost did? 91. Is sex before marriage wrong? IT’S AGAINST THE MORAL ORDER!!! according to my religion but also even if it’s not religion its good to only give yourself to another after marriage uvu. but idk 92. After how long would you start to consider a relationship to be serious? i dont know maybe a year? LOL idek if someone can stand being with my after 2 weeks 93. Would you rather your lover give you chocolate or flowers? steak.. or like meat or like good food ENTERTAINMENT: 94. What celebrity do you most admire? i dont- know-? 95. Do you like romantic comedies? Any favorites? eh dont think so 96. Do you have a favorite romantic movie? no 97. Who is your favorite Disney princess? mulan? MERIDA? idk 98. What is your favorite Disney song? shit idk 99. Do you watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? whats that 100. Have you ever watched Sex & The City? no 101. Have you ever watched any shows such as Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model? yeah but like random episodes on the tv with my mom, i rather watch masterchef junior but not with the newer seasons cuz my bro said the way they made it is like poo 102. Do you read romantic novels? If so, do you have any recommendations? im like -100% romantic please stop 103. Beyonce or Taylor Swift? beyonce maybe 104. Oprah Winfrey or Ellen DeGeneres? ellen? idk  A PILE OF RANDOMNESS: 105. Are you named after anyone? Dionne Warwick (not celine dion stop this shit i will fight you) 106. How many male friends do you have? nnnot many? i’m close to steffy tho yes bless uvu  107. Have you ever called your female friends your girlfriends? i can barely type “i love you” i cannot with cheesy shit so hazukashit 108. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as honey, dear, babe, or darling? ye i call friendos bebe or something but only through text because im shy LOL 109. Have you ever dotted your I’s with a heart or a smiley face? hearts, i stopped bc a teacher was like “lol” in front of the entire class thanks 110. How many items do you own that are of a floral print design? idk but floral prints are nice 111. Name five things you always have in your purse. (not including phone and wallet) lipbalm (that i never use), axe oil (running out), vicks, tigerbalm (why do i have 2), blotting paper (also dont really use) 112. Have you ever lost anything inside your purse? my sanity jk idk 113. Have you ever carried a spare pair of underwear with you in your purse? only pads 114. What is the most amount of money you’ve ever spent in one single shopping trip? idk $60 maybe idk weep i spend it all online 115. Do you consider shopping a sport? no wtf but walking around a lot is a pain so i guess it could be 116. Have you ever used your cleavage or a bra as a purse? i use a bad stop with the purse i carry too much shit 117. Coffee or tea? tea 118. Can you do the splits? i will only split my pants and muscles open so no 119. Do you do any yoga? no 120. Have you ever been told that to have cute handwriting? yea but i think it’s messy and ugly and changes too often 121. How well can you write in cursive? look at 120 122. Have you ever successfully been on a diet? no fuck that 123. Do you or have you ever belonged to a book club? no 124. Have you ever talked yourself out of a driving ticket by using your looks? no lmao i dont even drive 125. Have you ever drank a non-alcoholic beverage out of a wine glass? i guess? 126. Showers or baths? showers 127. Have you ever tried using a toilet while standing up? ya its horrible because u dont have a dick to aim 128. Have you ever been considered the mother of your group of friends? ye actually- 129. Do you own any sex toys? no HAHA RATINGS: 130. From 1-10, how feminine do you consider yourself? 6? 131. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother? 7-8 132. From 1-10, how much do you look like your mother? 5 because i smile like her but a lot of people say i look like my dad 133. From 1-10, how much are you like your father? 3 he’s chill im not 134. From 1-10, how polite are you? depends but maybe 7 135. From 1-10, how cute do you consider your laugh? -11 136. From 1-10, how strict are you about manners? 5? 137. From 1-10, how much of a neat freak are you? 6 but my handwriting is shit 138. From 1-10, how much of a hopeless romantic are you? -11 139. From 1- 10, how healthy do you eat? 6? its Meat > veggies > fish (but cuz i dont like how fish is cooked here? i love meat but i need veg to live too but i dont like salads give me roasted veg or stir fry veg or veg soops uvu) 140. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?  4?

Episode 13: “Chaos Squad” -Lily

This is a fun one. 

So, at this point, Chaos Squad’s plan worked, so now they made an alliance chat. That made it official. They would all stick together, of course. 

Now, there were two distinct sides: Chaos Squad’s alliance, composed of Charlotte, Jack E, Jordan, and Lily; and then the other side, which was made up of Charlotte, LA, Steffen, and Tyler. Charlotte was in both of them, making her the swing vote. 

Jordan won immunity for the second time. After this, he revealed to his alliance that he had yet another idol, the Rainbow Idol. This gave Chaos Squad all the more power. Their target was Steffen once again. Chaos Squad was very confident in this vote because of the fact they had the majority and had a Rainbow Idol in their hands. They were so confident that they wanted to spell out Chaos Squad with all of their votes to make their presence known (and I just wanna say, thank you for doing this ;D). 

Initially, Charlotte didn’t trust Steffen, so she was eager to get him out. However, Charlotte became wary of the rest of Chaos Squad; to her eyes, they seemed much tighter, and she thought she was on the bottom of that alliance. She couldn’t get Jordan out, though. For awhile she (and the others) had been wary of Lily and her power in the game. Charlotte decided to flip back to her old allies, and together they blindsided Lily in a 4-3 vote, creating the amazingly beautiful, iconic CHAOS SQU vote. 

Hoo Boy Shitheads This Is Fucking Happening, a three page essay by me So, I had been slightly out of tune with the game for the first bit of merge, but I think now I've gained a full understanding of whom stands where'st'd've, and the signs are looking good. Here's the lay of the land, and the land of lay's potato chips (not sponsored). Okay, so there are two distinct alliances at this point. Me, Jordan, Jack, and Charlotte on one side, and then Steffen, Tyler, and LA on the other side. Steffen might think I still wanna work with him, but he also may know that I'm against him. Steffen's entire side /thinks/ they have Jack with them, which is going to be a huge help for this next vote, since that means Steffen won't need to risk his extra vote. Even if he does, we'll win on the re-vote. The main problem here is LA of course, though, because that's who must have the Rainbow Idol. None of the people in our alliance have the idol, Steffen was the one who originally let me know it was taken, LA seemed to have all the stamps a while ago, and Tyler is... Tyler. So that rules out everyone but LA. It'll just leave us in a scramble if LA ends up using the rainbow idol or being voted out, seeing who can reach their host chat first and slide into that merchant's DMs. And I'll be waiting. Watching. Winning. Weedsmoking-- I mean what

Kevin’s note: Lily only just beginning to gain confidence at this point of all points is hilarious

Another night, another tribal council. I'm starting to hate half the people on this tribe, if I'm being honest. If they're not shady, they're just stupid - and I'm not sure what's worse. (Not everyone - I love some of you. But  l o r d e  ) First of all, I'm just going to say - I'm sorry to anyone I offend with my salty ass confessionals, but if ya'll had just listened to me three votes ago we wouldn't even be here. Steffen. Welcome to your tape. I wanted to work with you. I did, trust and believe, but not once, not twice, but three times you were so shady that it became impossible to trust you. Half the things I said to you ended up getting back to other people, and trying to get anything out of you was like drawing blood from a stone... and for someone I was supposed to be in an alliance with, bruh, you didn't tell me jack shit. That's why I don't trust you. That's why I'm voting you out tonight. Not because Jordan has me in his pocket. Not because 'talking to charlotte is talking straight to jordan'. I'm voting for you because I don't trust you. I don't trust you to keep me safe, I don't trust you to get me further in the game, and I don't trust you not to take anything I say and repeat it to other people. Do I like you as a person? Yes. Would I have rather worked with you than Jordan fucking Pines? Also yes. But here we are. My point still stands... if we'd just voted out Jordan that week he wasn't safe and I brought it up. SMH. but ya'll didn't think it was time to do it, maybe this game wouldn't have ended the way that it did. I could side with the 'Heroes' of the game and try to get out Jack E, or Lily, and see how far that gets me... but when you flip on a 'villain', they're going to come at you with everything they've got and be out for blood. It's not in my best interest to flip on them right now.. best case scenario, Jordan and or Lily realize they have a better chance winning against  me than each other, since they've both played awesome games, and I can slither my way to the end without too much blood on my hands. Sorry, ya'll. Villains gotta vil. 

Why did I put myself in the middle of Steffen and Jordan? Because I'm an idiot that's why. If no big move happens this tribal, I'll be the next one gone because Tyler is just a goat at this point and people will wanna drag him along. Steffen doesn't think Lily will turn on Jordan and Char probably won't turn on Lily and Jordan will get his pick of ftc 'cause of all that. I really need to win the next immunity challenge if I survive this tribal.

later...

Note to self: Don't try and plan with Char Mo at 2 am again.  This might not be a mess anymore. 

Okay, so, remember that salty confessional about Steffen? Depending on how conversations go this afternoon, he might get to live. It's all about making sure we're all on the same page. It's all about the devil you know, vs the devil you have no control or sway over. If we can blindside Lily on this vote... that would be a game changing move.

Kevin’s Note: This was sent not even two hours after she ranted about Steffen, I love it

Okay you know what I said in my last confessional??? Yeah forget all of that apparently Jordan has the rainbow idol so we're 100% good on this, only thing to worry about is regular advantages from Steffen LA and Tyler (soon to just be LA and tyler >:3) Sorry for being so quiet btw, I kinda died about a month ago so I haven't been able to talk

The plan tonight is to get Lily out. Since we can't get Jordan out, we plan to get out his closest ally, Lily. Charlotte came to Steffen and I saying that the other side of Jordan, Lily, and Jack think that she is working with them, but she isn't. She said they were targeting Steffen. If this goes as planned, we rope LA in and then we get Lily out and the four of us will be the majority and we can pick them off. 

Dear Abandoned Diary, So as we know the plan to get jordo to flush his chaos idol worked so you know, that's a party, but SOMEHOW THE PLAN FOUND ITS WAY BEACK TO GOOD OLD PINSO. So now I'm sitting here, down an ally and wanting to die, so LA and I go to the shelter crying about how much we don't trust Jordan and this whole mess.  I'm feeling down and out since it seems Charlotte went all the way over to Jordan and Jordan's immune, A RECIPE FOR GOOD!!! I have no idea what to do, so I call LA and we plan to talk to Tyler and Charlotte separately, so I'm here talking to Charlotte seeing what I can do to save my ass, even saying we didn't need to go after Lily cause they were close, even tho it was clear Lily was closer to Jordan, she wasn't answering so I went to make out with my date, then I grab my phone after an hour or so, and Charlotte says "she's been thinking" SHES BEEN THINKING YALL ITS A BLOODY MIRACLE Turns out she wants to mount a blindside on Lily, because of the reasons that have been laid out to her, AND I FINALLY FIND OUT WHO'S BEEN THAT RATTY HOBISKIT, turns out it was Jack E who leaked the plans and everything to Jordan......god damn it, I thought TS MEANT SOMETHING, either way I'm here with this news of not being able to trust Jack with anything anymore, but now I know I can trust LA. So we devise a plan to vote out Lily, but make it seem I'm voting out Jack or Charlotte.  ATM Charlotte and I are placing a lot of trust in each other, so we're here hoping for the best, or I'm just hoping I'm not getting played tonight and Jordan's rainbow idol (yes he has the rainbow idol) doesn't get played to save Lily, cause that'd be a problem.  Anyways I could leave tonight with an extra vote in my pocket, but that thing ain't gonna come in handy tonight, if anything, I need EVERYONE to do what they say they're gonna do, so if all is done correctly, it should be 4-3, if not well it's been real y'all. Sitting here having an emotional breakdown in a Starbucks, Steffen

I should probably feel bad about turning on my alliance, but since I've flipped back and forth like twelve times... well, you do what you gotta do to survive. Basically I need to do whatever I need to do in order to get myself as far in this game as possible. Sorry, Chaos Squad. If I turned on Steffen and Tyler so quickly, you probably should have expected that I'd do the same to you guys. Lily and Jordan have played together before and they're a strong duo. Suggesting trying to take her out was in my best interest with Jordan safe. If the votes fall on me tonight and I actually go home, hey, I commend them for getting the best of me. 

either i'm going home tonight or i make it to the final 6. i love making very bland confessionals xoxoxo

The most difficult think about this round is making our votes aesthetically pleasing. Its the only challenge we have

Episode 10 “The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess” (Zakriah)

(here we go yall lmao- pippa)

All along it was always me and Aro and that's how it's gonna continue to be until we're both voted out anyways. Idk Mitch has lied to me already twice now and I don't play baseball so there's no third strike here. Ofc Willow and Allie flipped on us and ofc it's just me and Aro like it always has been. And I can't wait to get 10th.

(a while later)

These people aren't even good at lying and Willow was trying to help me literally all along and she was right there literally was nothing she coulda done about it!!! I feel awful that I ruined any trust I had with her and I feel awful for cultivating a relationship with the wrong rookie on numakira. I'm just so fucked up rn and I knew it was happening too.

(later)

She's over here apologizing to Mitchell and NOT ME for this last vote when I literally just left the alliance chat! So that OBVIOUSLY tells me she has no intention of trying to work with me again after this and that pretty much me and Aro have no shot to make it any further in this bih

(even later)

Most of what I just said was very spur of the moment and I don't even remember half of it but tbh me and mitch are on the same wavelength rn and us and aro's lives basically depend on MY MORTAL NEMESES lexi and rtp

(so much later)

Mitchell and Zakriah's guide to surviving Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands Merged Tribe. Step 1) Vote with Allie against LA Step 2) Form a vets alliance Step 3) Steal Willow from Allie

(later isn’t even an option anymore)

LEXI AND ALLIE ARE IRL BEST FRIENDS WHAT THE FYCK IS THIS

(3 years later)

MITCHELL IS A FUCKING DETECTIVE HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GAME IS TOO FUCKING MUCH HOW IS LEXI SO FUCKING STACKED WITH PREMADES IN THIS GAME I THOUGHT ME/ARO/LINUS WAS BAD WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK

(everyone has died, Zak is the only one left)

NO HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY THIS IS LIKE WHEN IN A MOVIE SOMEONE FINDS OUT THAT THE PERSON THEY THOUGHT WERE INNOCENT AND LIKE THE GOOD GUY IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL AND HAS BEEN BEHIND EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME AND THEIR FACE IS LIKE FLASHING EVERYWHERE THEY LOOK THAT IS L I T E R A L L Y ALLIE HOW DID WE NOT FIND THIS OUT SOONER OH MY LANTA

I just wanna say, Jacob, I voted Matt for you.

So there's literally no possible way I can win immunity - one of my two friends in the game exiled himself from the challenge and that leaves me next to be picked off from winning immunity along with Aro, LA, and maybe Allie too tbh. It's basically Allie/Lexi/Willow's comp to lose at this point and there's literally not a single thing I can do to give myself any edge to win at all. Out of nine people competing in this challenge only one person is working with me, and in a challenge that's essentially a popularity contest, 2/9 gets you nothing. I'm willing to accept the fact that Mitchell and I are completely screwed, and it's not helping that Mitchell is quite actually ostracizing himself from the rest of the people. I'm honestly praying he's hiding another idol from me at this point.

i know it's been a while since my last confessional and i don't wanna make a long one rn but allie's bitch ass

SO the plan for right now is to get the majority to split the vote between 2 of Me, Mitch and Zak. Willow is willing to flip with us so we can get ahead of the split and put 4 votes against Lexi or Johnny and get our minority asses back in this game. Not gonna lie Im having a blast being at the bottom with Zak and Mitchell even though Mitchell is kinda rude towards Willow >.> . We are basically the 3 amigos/ Witches Coven of the season but we will be successful know that!

Oh my GOD if I pull this off... If i pull off this 4-3-3 vote tomorrow night it WILL be the single best play I've ever made in a game. Like I'm honestly shaking. This is either aboutta go so horribly wrong and Willow is lying to us all or it's gonna go extremely well and I won't know until it's either me joining Jacob, Dana, and Matt on the jury or it's Johnny joining them. I have a vote negator, but my history with vote negators has not been a fun one. I would kill to have an idol, but if I make it through this vote, which would literally be the biggest miracle ever, I fully feel like I can retake control over my fate in this game. All hope may NOT be lost!!!

(a little bit later)

ooookay... So I just lost literal years of my life planning a Johnny blindside and now he's trying to take out Allie!!! Everyone is literally fucking VYING FOR OUR VOTES right when we thought it was a clear majority against us! What the fuck this game is so hilarious I don't know what the fuck to even say right now!

(yall thot huh)

Wow I can't believe we just orchestrated a 4-3-2-1 vote. Like imagine how lit it would be for the two people voted as most likely to be voted out next in the challenge were to literally take the 3-2-1 cirie patent vote and upgrade it to a fucking 4-3-2-1 vote! Im beyond shook at this like ive been spending the last three days absolutely certain I was gonna be the next voted out and now as far as I'm concerned I should only be seeing my name once or twice this round. I feel like ciera rn bc I'm making a big fucking move! Game changer Zakriah razzak!

Okay so I need to start writing more confessionals. BUT HOLY FUCK SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED. Okay so first to start off I won individual immunity, and I even had a one rope disadvantage, like how the heck did I do that! I mean it was just Touchy Subjects, but still, I never thought I was gonna be able to win a challenge lmao. Also I'm too tired to finish writing this confessional so I'm just gonna submit and write more tomorrow goodnight lmao.

If everyone's telling me the truth, which why would they, we get to make the sole decision on whether to keep around Johnny or Allie - the two people controlling the whole game. And the best part is that either one of them getting taken out is one less rookie to pick off me/mitchell/aro (and rtp and lexi but screw them), and then that plus my flare gets us at the very least a tie if we piss everyone off with this vote. But, hey, they left us in the dark last time, it's time for some revenge anyways! And then, after we finally get the upperhand again, we can avenge Dana too! I'm still out for blood rtp

(ive avoided this for days)

Mitchell is saying this tribal council is essentially a sitcom episode and if it is it would be called The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess

(he’ll be gone soon, don’t worry)

Literally we're looking at rtp targetting johnny but voting with allie bc he doesnt think theres numbers to get out johnny and so its "supposed" to be a rudimentary vote split against me 4-3-3 a la queen daisy peacebeuponher but IN ACTUALITY what we're looking at here is johnny reneging and trying to blindside allie in some kind of mess of a 5-3-2 vote WHEN REALLY willow is "using" the three of us to get out JOHNNY in a FUCKING CRAZY ASS 4-3-2-1 vote that's gonna be something like johnny-aro-alie-me and i honestly... LOVE THIS

OKAY SO LET'S FUCKIN DIVE RIGHT INTO IT going into last tribal something was a miss bc of a certain miss willow sayin cryptic ass shit like "i'm sorry i can't stop what's about to happen" and so i knew then that we were fucked. the suspense of waiting was alleviated by allie basically saying she flipped and it wouldn't be on me; i could've guessed it would be matt since she hates matt, but i never thought she'd actually flip and do it bc i don't see how any of us would benefit from leaving a solid 6 to form a very volatile merge but WHATEVER and then i exposed allie and lexi's pregame relationship and close irl friendship and thought i'd blown myself up, particularly after wILLOW TOLD ME SHE FUCKING ALREADY KNEW INSTEAD OF TELGKIEFFREFIURHDIF TELLING ME TO CHILL, and NOBODy seemed to think that it was a big deal. combined w that, i fuckin bought my ass a trip to the cave and couldn't compete in immunity so FUCK me but  then also... good things zak guilted willow HARD about what allie made her do, which was particularly effective bc willow already felt like it was bad for her game. so while allie is saying we should vote LA, then saying johnny and RTP told her no so we can't, i'm like... we need willow rn to flip on this dumb twerking girl who is so far up these kids' ass yet MIRACULOUSLY still has willow up hers??? and zak does in fact guilt her into trying to get everyone else to split the votes so we can do something like get LA out or whatever but i'm sittin here like... alright... who gotta go? and it comes to me. johnny the frat boy, my lover and archenemy!! miss chrissa and dana send their regards bitch!! it seems to me that johnny has a certain degree of control over LA and Luca, and as long as he's in a potential rookie or nuTemoana faction could be reunited or resurrected on his behalf. i don't want that. the game gets more open with him gone. so zak laid the groundwork for willow's flip, and i get to her and convince her the flip gotta be on johnny. it's almost too good to be true. a 4-3-3 vote agaisnt mr frat boy keeping i, mitchell kalabang, still in the game w my f3 of zak and aro and now w miss willow on our side??? FUCK YES and then zak finds a flare that allows him to burn someone's vote at a tribal council, which means if willow stick w us worst-case scenario at the f9 is rocks. things are fallign into place, i'm so JFIOHWEIODFH EXCITED BC it's gonna be HUGE and it's almsot too good to be true when johnny's frat boy ass says he wants to get out allie w me, la, zak, aro, and him. ????? johnny wants to flip on her ass bc of my expose about her and bc she's controlling willow. little does he KNOW that willow already flipped against allie and on HIS ASS and that allie is no longer a threat bc people know that she and lex are friends. so now johnny thinks it'll be like 5-3-2 or something but in actuality it'll be more like 4-3-2-1 johnny-aro-allie-zak which makes me sCREAM THAT"S  SO FUDI*CVJOWDIS FUCIING EBEAUTIONFGD BEAUTIFUL AND ICONIC but THEN RTP FIWEODJFD  COMES TO ME AND ASKS TO MOASMDFUIBHWENDS make a move against johnny and i'm all ike ???D<EKODJFKLJWD iorhejdgio YOUWDFI(JF hwo are you people giving such a clear mnoritjy THISF IOWJDMFIO much POWMERUIOFMWEIOFDJ POWER and he can't get LA on board so he resigns himself to the split vote between aro and zak tellign me about it even tho it's supposed to be a secret but little does he know that i already know about it and i also know that it's a farce bc willow flipped and that it's not even happening bc JOGNY flipped and rtp targets johnny who targets allie who splits the vote betwween aro and zak w rtp bc he can't get the votes aginst johnny while aro and zak are gonna tke out johnny bc WE have the votes and i'm CRYIORJHdf cryin i really think we might actually get the 4-3-2-1 and if that fucking happens i'll literally fuvkcixghnfei shit myself on call somehow i mitchell kalabang am coming out on top?? and i like johnny legitimately to some extent and he might want to work w me, but johnny has also lied to me and has multiple other deals and alliances, and i can't work w that if he's gonna keep shit shady. zak and aro have been loyal and honest to me since day 1 so i'm ridin w them boys and i hope you use all the money you're in charge of as treasurer of the frat to drink yourself into a stupor so as to neuter the humiliation ur gonna feel at being outmaneuvered by fuckin willow. ALSDOJQSOFD speaking of shady miss allie like... first she flip, then i find out she got a #secretpairbeware, and i'm like ???? this BTIHDCIH she might wanna F3 w me and willow but AGAIN how am i gonna play w u when u say shit like "i know you said you didn't wanna do this and take out matt and i respect it so i got literally the entire rest of the tribe to do it instead and against u without telling u haha we still good tho i own you and control you" she seriously got so cocky after that and so self-righteous in defending herself about the lex thing and it's like... girl how the FUCK am i still savin ur ASS after tonight LMFAO the #obvioustension i've felt between me and LA is gone i think, we've had some rlly good chats lately and welp it's gonna suck for her when i now snake HER but whatevs!! and RTP and i are prob good now too considering he told me about his johnny plot and then about the split. considerin i'm gonna do his work for him and oust johnny he shouldn't be too mad lol ! idol searching i fucking went into a cave and my choices were octopus and moray eel and y'all had to be fuckin kiddin ME but ofc the cave fucks me up AHFUIEWHD AGAIN and no second idol for mitcherell kalabganfger but whatevs Somehow, everything has lined up to give me an unprecedented amount of power for someone who felt helplessly on the bottom after Matt, who I feel was an actual tick in this game harming me more than helping me with his poor gameplay and social skills, was voted out. I think I've played an influential role in getting this vote together and in forming a group that can now move solidly forward. I just... if this all works I'm going to cry because RTP going for Johnny going for Allie going for Aro/Zak who're going for Johnny without RTP knowing is a fucking sitcom episode. I can't fucking breathe. If the 4-3-2-1 is what actually happens tonight i might literally cry laughing on call for tribal. mitchell kalabang is not dead yet!

also biggest VILLAIN?????? how the fUIHEWDRHJIernfuier what've i done this season but been lied to and love dana i jsut... and they fucked up w what they said bout luca bc now he's pissed and i'm all like... come to papa :)

IM STILL SO WORRIED EVERYONES LYING TO ME THOOOOO

Okay so, in Touchy Subjects I tied with Johnny in the category "If you could not win the game, who would you most like to see win". And I'm very confused by this because I literally thought I wasn't a threat to win at all. Johnny I understand, he's the one controlling everyone, he's the one calling the nuTemoana shots, and so if he made it to the end he would win no doubt. But me on the other hand, I haven't exactly done much, like I've tried to make good social bonds with everyone, and been honest with everyone, but yeah other then that I'm kinda confused how I got the majority in that category. Onto another topic though. I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm actually pretty damn excited to go to tribal tonight. I have individual immunity, so basically I 100% made it to single digit placements, which is amazing!! Anyway onto the vote. It's going to go great because Johnny thinks Allie is going home, but in actuality Johnny is going home. I guess I sorta convinced Allie, Lexi, and Ryan to split the votes on Zak and Aro. So the vote should go 4-3-3, if all goes according to plan. I'm really hoping this works bc Johnny wont expect it, and it'll get the biggest threat out of this game. I really like Johnny though so I hope he won't be too mad and that we can be friends once this is all over.

EPISODE 11 “I’m Royally Fucked” - Issy

Issy

Well the 'awogkgogkaka' is not an issue anymore, so that's good Fuck me though, I honestly don't know what to do from here

Ruthie

What is our tribe right now besides freaking HILARIOUS.  Bahah.  Okay,  so Aren left, which is good for my game, I love Aren, but there was NO way I was getting to Final 3 with him, Emmott and Issy.  Since he's left Emmott has been blowing up my messages, pissed but trying to keep his cool and I just find it so hilarious, I can't even.  First there was this, which I of course shared with The Family alliance.   [11/25/16, 9:18:34 PM] emmott young: duuuuuuude [11/25/16, 9:18:43 PM] Ruthie ❤: Sorryyyy :( :( :( [11/25/16, 9:18:59 PM] emmott young: DUUUUUUDE [11/25/16, 9:19:18 PM] Ruthie ❤: SORRYYYY :( [11/25/16, 9:23:09 PM] emmott young: at least it wasnt me! BAHAHAHAH. And then, there is this gem; [11/25/16, 9:29:26 PM] emmott young: its just, the one vote i didnt try lead myself i get foooooooked ahahahah!! [11/25/16, 9:29:29 PM] emmott young: its fun tho [11/25/16, 9:29:42 PM] emmott young: it better not be me then issy tho coz we flipped this entire game for yall TWICE Like, okay, if I'm remembering correctly it was YOU that wanted Shay out, Emmott.  So you came to Alex and I and we went along with it because we SURE didn't want to be the ones to leave.  The second time, I don't even know, was it the Jay vote?  Who knows, who even cares but this is Survivor and it is every person for themselves although I am DEFINITELY looking out for Alex and Nicole and even Lena and Richie.   All this and I'm still talking to Emmott and trying to give him a pep talk and just still, this is the kind of response I get out of him; [11/25/16, 9:36:09 PM] Ruthie ❤: I have noooo idea, try to win individual immunity though. <3 [11/25/16, 9:37:29 PM] emmott young: i dont do immunity ahahahah [11/25/16, 9:37:53 PM] emmott young: fuck it im givin up! i tried playing this game hard for the people who flipped on me, but life aint fair SORRY EMMOTT, I have my own game to play I'm not going to hang around and be your personal cheerleader for the comp. Also, let me rewind for a minute, can we talk about this that was in the tribe chat? [11/25/16, 9:17:57 PM] emmott young: WOAH WHAT HAPPENED [11/25/16, 9:19:19 PM] emmott young: that was psycho what omg [11/25/16, 9:19:37 PM] emmott young: congrats alex and ruthie <3 [11/25/16, 9:19:56 PM] emmott young: the rest of yall.........yeah [11/25/16, 9:20:12 PM] Ruthie ❤: Why am I getting congratulated, I’ve won nothing, rip (u) [11/25/16, 9:20:48 PM] emmott young: ya gonna win! Like, HOW am I going to win?  Why does he group me up there with Alex, not that I mind all because obviously Alex is my Survivor soulmate but WHY.  Is it because we were on the same tribe as him for awhile or am I missing something?  Either way, way to make friends and keep yourself around longer Emmott!  Calling us out like that, yay!  And apparently Richie is salty about people always putting Alex and I as the brains for everything because:   [11/25/16, 9:19:58 PM] Lena McKenzie: I'm amazed at this!! But why is Emmott congratulationg you guys [11/25/16, 9:20:13 PM] Lena McKenzie: Like Alex I understand because he almost got voted out but lol? [11/25/16, 9:20:16 PM] Richie: bc me and you are their puppets and we're handing them the game [11/25/16, 9:20:20 PM] Richie: DUH LENA This backs up the reason that he is going to have to go sooner or later, because when we get to the end he is going to come up with this epic speech and end up winning it over Alex and I.  And don't get me wrong, I would LOVE Richie to win, if Emmott and Issy go next I'll be happy with ANYONE that wins but still, awkward much? Also, to end this on a happy note, can we talk about how much I love Nicole again?  She is my absolute queen lol, I love her so much.   [11/25/16, 9:21:05 PM] nicole gilmore: People are getting mad like I'm actually ever filled in on anything and like my fat ass wasn't eating thanksgiving leftovers all day????? [11/25/16, 9:21:07 PM] nicole gilmore: Okay [11/25/16, 9:21:25 PM] nicole gilmore: Sorry Alex didn't leave way to be transparent Well, until... later, I suppose! <3 

Issy

I've been thinking about this game and I thought I might as well summarise it with a list of mistakes I've made so far, in order of shittiness 1) Making an alliance with my favourite dumb cunts literally-a-12-yo Aren and the totally unpredictable, emotional Emot 2) Allowing those fuckers to vote out Jay 3) Trusting Aren to be able to sort shit out for that last vote 4) Being stupid enough to convince myself (& Emmott) that blindsiding Shay was a great idea 5) Finding the solution to Pandora's box & sending it to literally everyone but ny host chat (and then 3 minutes later, because I decided I needed to fucking check again, someone else got in first) 6) Not taking out Alex or Ruthie when we had the chance 7) Not doing more to save Ci'ere & leaving it to the last minute 8) Not working my arse off to find an idol which would be real fucking useful right about now 9) Inviting Alex into that alliance at the beginning 10) Signing up to play in the first place and not turning down the last minute offer to be in this godforsaken season

Ruthie

At this point in the game I really need to start winning things or I will be viewed as a MEGA floater and I just don't want that to happen.  Tonight's comp is basically luck related though so... yeah, we'll see.  

If Emmott or Issy DID win tonight, I wouldn't be in danger, who ever didn't get immunity out of the two of them would be the one to go home.  I would love for one of them to win, especially Emmott because I love his passion so much, and he makes me laugh.  But I still want The Family to remain solid and that might cause other things to happen. :/ Speaking of The Family though...

Last thing I wanted to cover before finding out the results for tonight... THE JURY!  And seriously, I am sorry for all the noise, I'm not sure what possessed me to make video confessionals in the Cosco parking lot with my little sister and my 2 year old nephew in the car.  

Right now I just feel like they all hate me, I'm not sure if they hate myself or Alex more at this point but whatever happens I still want to go to the end with him! 

Emmott

blind week is a joke coz me and issy are fucked and no one is gonna wanna make moves when they dont know what the fuck is going on

note that

now that im on the bottom im just trying to be OTT shady and lowkey mean so people keep me, even over issy or anyone? because taking someone with a bad attitude further into the game is good for them, so im just trying to seem like a mean person

Alex

Aren's blindside went perfectly, and the fact that he actually had people writing my name down means that it was even justified!  Fantastic!  Nicole's random vote for Issy is weird and mildly concerning, but not too much so. The hosts have asked me to rank the players, so I am going to rank them in order of How Likely I Am To Give My Jury Vote To This Person. 6 – Emmot: This paranoid, flip-floppy motherfuck right here.  Fuck you, dude.  Pick a side.  Don't try and play both.  I can't see a world where I vote for you. 5 – Nicole: Don't get me wrong, being able to mostly count on your vote is great.  But at the end of the day, we haven't talked game.  You've been Ruthie's appendage and that's it. 4 – Lena: If our Family has a weak link, strategically speaking, it's Lena.  I love her, but she's mostly just a vote at this point – a vote who holds an Idol, maybe.  Definitely the fourth wheel, definitely not getting my vote unless I have to. 3 – Issy: I respect her iron will to eliminate me.  I don't respect her complete lack of ability to make it happen, or lack of flexibility.  Survivor is a game of adaptation, and she's banging her head against the brick wall. Richie and Ruthie are obviously the top two, and my vote between them really would depend on how I went out of the game, and how they got themselves to the end.  It would be a tough choice between the for me, and I can't make that call now. Before I get to talking about blind week, I once again want to wax philosophical about the game.  Specifically, I'm sure that a lot of people will be looking at my play in retrospect and saying “dude, what the fuck?”  Because from a purely strategic standpoint, my insistence on keeping the Family intact and, specifically, keeping both Richie and Ruthie in, is strategic suicide.  I'm aware of this. I've said before that I take these games really seriously, and I play with everything I've got.  I genuinely, regardless of what happens, like the people I'm aligned with.  And I want to see them do well, even at my own expense.  So I have a tough choice ahead of me, now, at this moment. Strategically, I should start looking to cut Richie and/or Ruthie soon here, because they kick my ass at the end.  But I don't know if I have a cold enough heart to do it, is the thing.  What I have to settle within myself is: how far will I go to win?  Will I cut them down to do it?  Because I could, I really could.  But will I feel good about it later?  And if I lose even after doing so, will I regret it?  Probably. Also, FUCK BLIND WEEK That's all, just fuck this shit.

Emmott

NICOLE HAS A NERVE

Ruthie

Funny I should send in a post about how solid The Family is then do what I did last night.  I am such an unloyal snakey bitch and I really hate myself this week.  I hate myself a lot.  I remember asking the other day in The Family alliance if our alliance was seen more as 'Heroes' or 'Villains' and I really HOPE I'm not seen as a villain after tonight, although if I am, I hope to be lovingly greeted by the dark side.  Can I get some cupcakes with black and red sprinkles, please? So, the new Takeover was posted and just FUCK.  Literally anyone could be going home this week and in short I panicked.  I suggested to Alex that I talk to Issy and Emmott about bringing back our old chat and talking them into voting Richie out.  I suggested that one of us could vote with them and the other vote with Lena, Richie and Nicole. He was of course down but hesitant and kind of sat back a bit with it, and I really don't blame him.   This is SUCH a bitch move on my part and I'm feeling awful already but I WANT ALEX AND I TO GET TO THE END.  I WANT HIM TO STAY SAFE.   Anyway, we talked this morning and for now I think that The Family and Nicole are going to vote together and that Emmott/Issy are going to vote for Richie, thinking that we are too.  At this rate I'm not going to have any jury votes, RIP ME.  

Alex

Blind Week is so ugly. This is so simple, guys.  Each person has a 1/7 shot at having Immunity, the odds are in our favor if we just pile onto one person. But no, Ruthie has to PANIC and go to Issy and Emmott to get them to vote Richie instead of me, just in case. First of all, that's not gonna work.  They're not buying it. Second of all, they're not buying it. THIRD of all, they are IMMEDIATELY going to run to Richie and tell him what you're doing because that is literally their only course of action!  What the shit!  Their best play is to break us up and you've just created the bullets, loaded the gun and handed it to them!  The fuck do you expect them to do, NOT shoot it? Christ. I am trying to keep things under control, and part of my method is making sure nobody notices that should there be a tie, we go to rocks.  Because let's be real, I'm the most likely to end up in a tie, and then I'd be safe. And if this fails, and I go home for it?  Fine.  Guess who has the moral high ground, kids?! But if I don't go home, my Legacy Advantage will let me see all...and that's useful info.

Issy

Fuck me, this game is just one twist after another! A blind round? I'm already stumbling around lost and confused, there was no need for this & 'there will be no questions this round' What are you doing hosts? I know I talked shit about your weird-ass irrelevant questions but you can't just keep taking them from us like this! Questions are the highlight of my week! Seriously! I'm gonna get voted out next tribal and you aren't even letting me write a passive aggressive tribal answer! 'Aren't' like all I can see is the 'Aren' can we talk about Aren for a second? issy, 11:25 am he was strategic? he had a great social game? i must have missed that completely wow Ruthie ❤, 11:25 am WAIT, so your fight was for real? I keep accidentally throwing him under the bus, I'm just pissed off because being voted out is 102% his own bloody fault. Fawz could have still had a god damn majority if someone didn't think it was a great idea to tell Mr. Paranoid that Jay was out to get him & at this point I'm totally convinced Richie/Ruthie/Alex/Lena are gonna be the final four and I'm going to be a real fucking bitter juror. Anyway, I'm considering my options right now and it's looking like I'm going to have to whore myself out and try and get someone, anyone, to vote with me. I'll vote for Emmott if I think it's gonna keep me in another round but honestly if they want me gone, I'm gone, and that's a real shitty situation to be in. Nicole and Lena seem like the obvious targets because from what I can see, they're on the outs of the group, but I think I'm royally fucked anyway and I've been busy just praying that I somehow nailed that immunity challenge...

Richie

so...... this takeover is ugly..... i was going to try and take out nicole this week but with the uncertainty of not knowing who won immunity and blah blah blah its just not smart so its either issy or emmott tonight... and ive been lying hard core to emmott bc the votes not being revealed so im like being a real fake binch????? theres been so much messiness happening, ruthie threw me under the bus which wasnt fun to find out even if it wasnt necessarily true??? altho it could be true and i could be leaving tonight that would be wild???? also nicole gave me tea which made me trust her again which was nice so im happy i didnt try to vote her out this round i was just being paranoid about her relationship with ruthie which is still concerning but i feel better now as long as theyre telling the truth of course..... honestly idk wtf is going to happen bc with the immunity being a guessing game and not knowing who could have won ANYONE can be going home tonight especially with the no revote straight to rocks... like this is the ugliest round bc theres so little control over whats going to happen and i hate it i really hate it.... i just voted for issy but i would have rather voted for emmott bc ive had a better game history with issy (kinda?) so i would have prefferred to keep her around to try and make a move with later like there was tea she had an idol so she may play it tonight and i was lowkey hoping she would maybe play it at 5 and idol alex  but idk i wanted to vote emmott bc of the fear of her having the idol is strong....... and i havent talked to her..... i should talk to her...... make her feel safer so she doesnt play her hypothetical idol but lbr if you didnt know who had immunity and you heard your name going around youd play that mf idol no matter what..... thats why im scared to vote her UGH this is ugly its literally like picking a target and throwing a dart at it with your eyes closed and i hate it and i hate you goodbye !!!!!!1!!!

Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you,  all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an  hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose.  ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack  [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp.  A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars  aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early  life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in  my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip  you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean,  thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is  vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble,  just at my  breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the  bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A  bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early  death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt  in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale,  no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother  fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual. 

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a  beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll  take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh. 

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]