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365 Days Later....
March 1, 2020 marks one full year since I started teaching the “Wonder Woman Program” at the Rosendo Diaz Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Harleysville, PA. What started out as one day a week slowly evolved into two (and despite the group size being small, the passion and commitment are larger than life). This female program is something I could have only dreamt of 10 or 15 years ago…
Up until about four years ago, I wasn’t really training with any females. My entire jiu-jitsu career, it was just me and the guys; But in hindsight, being the only female wasn’t healthy, mentally or physically. It didn’t allow me to see what I was missing. It almost created a sense of entitlement within me that was for no other reason than the fact that I have a vagina. So, once we started having females trickle in, it was initially thought provoking, but in all honesty, very unsettling. So many thoughts would run through my head. Where would my place be? Would I even be relevant anymore? Basically, I thought of myself as a lioness who wasn’t ready to share her pride. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. Many weeks I wouldn’t show up just because I was feeling sorry for myself. Why? I don’t know…because that’s what some of us crazy, weaker females do…act irrational.
It wasn’t until I took some time off and eventually put it all out on the table with my instructor (in a tearful conversation spilling my guts) that he replied to me “Just stop. Just come back and train, you need it. We are old heads now. You have to share your knowledge and pass it along. You are on a different part of your journey now.” And so that’s what I did. After forcing myself into having a new outlook, I decided it was time. I realized that it “wasn’t my time anymore” and that times have changed, the school has changed, and I needed to change (damn it).
After a few years of just training with a couple of women, Rosendo brought up the idea of the all-female class. I wasn’t sure if this was something that I could do or even wanted to do, but I reluctantly agreed. What became apparent to me sooner than later was that I could learn just as much from these women as they could from me. I’ve never considered myself a “girl’s girl” and these females coming to train weren’t either. These women also seem to walk to the beat of their own drum and not follow the “norms” of everyday society. They aren’t afraid to get dirty and they aren’t afraid to smash my face in.
The entire experience has made me love and appreciate my gender. After a lifetime of avoiding females, serious friendships, and “not having a tribe”, I now have a better understanding of what I was missing. My jiu-jitsu team is my family and my girls are my tribe. My biggest thank-you goes to my girl Lauren Baker, our team/school manager. She was the lioness who came in 4 years ago and took over the pride…and she did it with ease. She is a beautiful person inside and out.
We might not all be “friends” hanging together outside of jiu-jitsu, but because of jiu-jitsu we will have a bond forever.
#femalebjj#3rdgenerationjiujitsu#bjj#sherihockman#brazilianjiujitsu#graciepa#grappling#rdbjj#jiujitsu
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100 Ridiculous “Get To Know Me Questions”....And What My Husband Guessed I Said.
Need something to do? Share some “get to know me questions” with your friends and family”.
I answered 100 “Get to know me questions” alone...and then later I asked my husband what he thought my answer would be. How many did we match?
1.Who is your hero? (me) No one in particular. Anyone who stands up for the underdog, (Fights for the weaker person, feels compassion and empathy for humans and animals....but actually does something about it besides running their mouth) Ron: No one CORRECT
2.If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Somewhere very very warm, with very few people and all of my children (Ron) Somewhere warm and sunny CORRECT
3.What is your biggest fear? Losing my husband or children. (Ron) something happening to my kids/family CORRECT
4.What was your favorite family vacation? N. Carolina, time on the beach with my family. (Ron) N. Carolina CORRECT
5.What would you change about yourself if you could? Rid myself of self-doubt and anxiety. I’d be unstoppable! (Ron) To be more extroverted and outgoing. CORRECT
6.What really makes you angry? Oodles of things. People acting like the boys we took into our family, aren’t “real” family, racial discrimination, animal abuse, bullying, gender stereotypes, and religion (Ron) “Oh jez! Incompetent people” WRONG
7.What motivates you to work hard? My family and their success. (Ron) To Help others WRONG.
8.What is your favorite thing about your career? Wanting my patients to feel better about themselves and giving them an improved quality of life. (Ron) Helping people CORRECT
9.Coke or Pepsi? Coke (Ron) coke CORRECT
10.What is your proudest accomplishment? Besides my having family, getting my BJJ black belt. (Ron) being a mother CORRECT
11.When did you meet for the first time? Was it a connection? Friends introduced us at his work, Moyer and Son. Nope, no connection!. (Ron) Moyer and son, I don’t think you spoke to me. no connection CORRECT
12.Favorite TV cartoon growing up as a kid? Scooby Doo. (Ron) I have no idea, I didn’t watch cartoons as a kid, Tom and Jerry? WRONG
13.Who makes you laugh the most? My husband. (Ron) me CORRECT
14.What would you be willing to do for a million dollars? Almost anything as long as my husband was okay with it and it didn’t hurt anything else. (Ron) eat red meat WRONG
15.What did you want to be when you were small? A teacher. (Ron) heavier WRONG
16.Do you want to be buried, Cremated, have your body donated to science or do some kind of eco-friendly burial when you die? The funeral market is a scam and it’s polluting the planet! Eco-friendly method on a green burial site. NO Coffin! (Ron) eco-friendly burial, or some shit like that. CORRECT
17.If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? African Safari. (Ron) nothing WRONG
18.What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. (Ron) BJJ CORRECT
19.What household chore do you like the least? Cleaning the bathroom. (Ron) cleaning in general WRONG
20.What would you sing at Karaoke night? LOVE LOVE LOVE SINGING! Sinead O’Connor, Nothing Compares To You (and about 100 more songs). (Ron) Beastie Boys, fight for you right to party WRONG
21.What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? SiriusXM 100, 101. (Ron) The two Howard Stations CORRECT
22.Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Mow the lawn (if it’s hot outside), otherwise vacuum. (Ron) mow CORRECT
23.Favorite color? Yellow. (Ron) black WRONG
24.If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? salad with lots of stuff in it. (Ron) lobster WRONG
25.How do you feel about adoption? Bring em’ on. Babies of any age! The more the merrier. (Ron) strongly CORRECT
26. Have you ever had a nickname? What is it? Sher (pronounced “Share”). (Ron) Dukers WRONG
27. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not? Hate surprises. I wanna know. (Ron) no, don’t like being center of attention CORRECT
28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? Ummm. Do nothing, so watch a movie I guess. (Ron) movie CORRECT
29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? Hawaii b/c it’s hot. (Ron) Hawaii b/c it’s warm and has beaches CORRECT
30. Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why? Lottery b/c then I could still work at the “perfect job” as much or little as I wanted. (Ron) work at perfect job, b/c you’d be happy and help people WRONG
31. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? My husband. (Ron) me CORRECT
32. If money was no object, what would you do all day? Create my utopia, an animal rescue. (Ron) Some kind of crap with animals CORRECT
33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to? 1995 (after college). (Ron) 1978 WRONG
34. How would your friends describe you? I’m not sure. Stubborn, strong willed? Sensitive. (Ron) passionate WRONG
35. What are your hobbies? Momming. Jiu-jitsu. Animal stuff. (Ron) teaching bjj and pets CORRECT
36. What is the best gift you have been given? My family. (and my jukebox that breaks all the time). (Ron) children CORRECT
37. What is the worst gift you have received? Anything that has to do with cleaning. (Ron) dryer vent CORRECT
38. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? My animals….esp my dog Mable! (Ron) exercise WRONG
39. List two pet peeves: My husband yelling about my animals, my kids not doing their chores. (Ron) me groping you, bad drivers WRONG
40. Where do you see yourself in five years? Wanting more kids (Ron) here WRONG
41. How many pairs of shoes do you own? idk10?, the same shoes I had 5 years ago (although I’ll replace my sneakers once or twice a year). (Ron) 10 CORRECT
42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? I could be invisible. (Ron) strength WRONG
43. What would you do if you won the lottery? Quit my job and Open an animal sanctuary. (Ron) pay off all debt WRONG
44. Finish things as soon as possible or wait until the last minute? Wait until the last minute. (Ron) wait until the last minute CORRECT
45. What unconscious mannerism do you display if you are upset or uncomfortable in a situation? I become very quiet... (Ron) chew face WRONG
46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? How I acted as a teenager. I could be pretty rotten. (Ron) not throwing poop out a window WRONG
47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix, mommom, and God. (Ron) all your grandparents but especially your mommom Knipe WRONG
48. How do you feel about group vacations with other couples? That sounds awful. (Ron) not happening CORRECT
49. What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? An entire day when I was young, partying all night. (Ron) 24hrs partying CORRECT
50. How Do you handle anger? I bottle it up for a while and get quiet. (Ron) not well, you get quiet CORRECT
51. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? Interesting question! I’m already getting close to hitting the wall with looks….but I also can’t afford to lose any intelligence either. I’d have to trade looks for more intelligence. (Ron) intelligence for looks WRONG
52. How often do you buy clothes? Almost never. (Ron) not often CORRECT
53. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Probably (who hasn’t). It would be secret. (Ron) probably CORRECT
54. What's your favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS! (Ron) Christmas CORRECT
55. What do you drink when you go out for social occasions? Coke (not diet either). (Ron) water or coke CORRECT
56. What was the last thing you recorded on TV? True blood. (Ron) SNL WRONG
57. Do you prefer the live version or studio version of an album? Studio. (Ron) Studio CORRECT
58. What's your favorite type of foreign food? Mexican. (Ron) mexican CORRECT
59. Are you a clean or messy person? Pretty Messy. (Ron) messy CORRECT
60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Uma Thurman. (Ron) Uma Thurman CORRECT
61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30mins (Ron) 1hr WRONG
62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day? Dishwasher. (Ron) microwave WRONG
63. What's your favorite fast food chain? Taco Bell. (Ron) taco bell CORRECT
64. What's your favorite family recipe or dish? mommoms apple pie. (Ron) Mommoms apple pie CORRECT
65. Do you love or hate rollercoasters? Love. (Ron) Love CORRECT
66. What's your favorite family tradition? Christmas Morning Breakfast at my moms. (Ron) Christmas Eve CORRECT
67. What is your favorite childhood memory? Having baby bunnies with my dad. (Ron) I have no idea WRONG
68. What's your favorite movie? Natural Born Killers (Ron) Pulp fiction WRONG
69. How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out? Devastating. I wanted to believe forever. I was forced to “not believe” at about 12. My aunt said on Christmas day “You know Santas not real, right?”. Ugh. (Ron) 8, I think your friend Dorene probably told you. WRONG
70. Is your glass half full or half empty? Half empty….just waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Ron) Half empty CORRECT
71. What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? Dating my husband was risky. (Ron) got married WRONG
72. What is your favorite chip flavor? Salt and vinegar. (Ron) salt and vinegar CORRECT
73. What was your favorite subject in school? Science. (Ron) none WRONG
74. What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’m not very daring. Seaweed. (Ron) I have no idea, you really don’t care for food WRONG
75. Do you collect anything? Unwanted animals. (Ron) records WRONG
76. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion? Bell bottoms. (Ron) The 70s WRONG
77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert. (Ron) Introvert CORRECT
78. Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? touch. (Ron) You have a nose like a dog WRONG
79. Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise) Nope…and I don’t want one. (Ron) No CORRECT
80. Best quality and worst quality? Best-compassionate/empathetic, Worst-Too compassionate/empathetic to a fault. (Ron) best-caring, worst-caring too much CORRECT
81. What do you do to keep fit? Brazilian Jiu-jitsu but I also just exercise to not be a big lump of (Ron) BJJ and exercise CORRECT
82. Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken? I say “wrong is wrong, damn it”. (Ron) Never a wrong time to do the right thing never a right time to do the wrong thing WRONG
83. If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce? ALL KINDS OF RULES about limiting the use of animals for consumption. NO FACTORY FARMS! (Ron) NO killing of animals CORRECT
84. Are you a leader or follower? Leader (Ron) leader CORRECT
85. What three things do you think of the most each day? Work, family, how tired I am. (Ron) something happening to my kids, something happening to ron, or me WRONG
86. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Proceed with caution. (Ron) warning fragile WRONG
87. What song would you say best sums you up? Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. (Ron) someone left the cake out in the rain, AKA MacArthur Park by Donna Summer WRONG
88. What is your favorite drink? Vanilla Chai Latte. (Ron) water WRONG
89. Who was your first crush? Bo Duke (on Dukes of Hazzard). (Ron) Shaun Cassidy WRONG
90. What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your kitchen window? My chickens. (Ron) chickens CORRECT
91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are? 6. (Ron) 8 WRONG
92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Working like a dog and getting no where. (Ron) here WRONG
93. What was your first job? Working at an awful pizza shop. (Ron) pizza shop CORRECT
94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? The Doors. (Ron) The dead WRONG
95. Do you believe in an after life? Yes. (Ron) yes CORRECT
96. You’ll never understand people who do what.....? Fart in front of anyone intentionally. (Ron) hunt WRONG
97. Who would i hate to see naked? Any parental figures. (Ron) parents CORRECT
98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? Probably a cat. I can be affectionate one minute but turn and walk away b/c you are boring me the next. I don’t like to be told what to do…and I’m not easy to control. “Obedient” isn’t my strong point. (Ron) cat, b/c you can be a loner and snobby (or some might perceive you to be that way). CORRECT
99. What is something that turns you off about another person? If they don’t like animals. (Ron) people who are loud WRONG
100. Who knows you the best? My husband. (Ron) Me CORRECT
The end
#bjj#graciepa#sherihockman#randompersonalfacts#femalebjj#rdbjjinstructor#BrazilianJiuJitsu#thirdgenerationbjj
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I rarely get a descent nights sleep anymore...and I hear this song in my head everyday. It’s like the theme song.
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Ignorance Is Strength...
Your ignorance is strength....and you might want to keep it that way. Because if you knew the truth, if you could see the truth, if you lived the truth, you might change your mind about the rhetoric you are spewing everyday.
If you aren’t directly working with a mass amount of covid positive patients, you have NO IDEA what this virus is all about. I’m not going to rattle off analytical statistics, media headlines, post stupid meme’s or relay nonsensical political propaganda that tries to sway you one way or another. What I am going to tell you is what I know from my actual REAL-LIFE experience. In all of my 25 years of working in rehabilitation healthcare, I have NEVER EVER SEEN an illness this contagious, this destructive and this deadly. I have never seen so many patients and employee’s get sick all at once in such a VERY VERY SHORT amount of time. This is a virus that does not discriminate based on age or race. Every single group living setting and establishment has been effected and is going to continue to be impacted on such a mass level it is catastrophic. The fact that the news has chosen to single out certain places is a disgrace. It’s EVERYWHERE. If you aren’t literally “in It”, you truly don’t know. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND and you will not understand….and you should be THANKFUL FOR THAT. HOW ABOUT THAT FREEDOM? The freedom of ignorance (b/c your ignorance from living “in this” is your personal bliss) …..The 99% national recovery rate you keep talking about means jack shit when community living places just keep losing lives in droves. Lives that mean something to the people that love them.
Those of us working with covid patients who are fortunate enough to not get sick (few and far between)….are “living the dream” one day at a time? Are we “covid proof”? or just so over contaminated we cannot get it because of over exposure? Are we immune? I don’t know.
You may read all that and think….Wow, she must want to keep us all locked up forever. Quarantine 4-life! No, not really. I don’t think this can keep going on much longer. But how can more time be the answer either? What would more quarantine or more restrictions provide us in the long run? Will Rona just “go away”? Do we wait a year for a vaccine when the government isn’t helping with crap? Will the vaccine provide immunity or will the virus just mutate? Are humans meant to live like this? I’m not even worried about my health as much as the craziness that is going on around me.
It’s one of the reasons I can do what I do. I swim in covid daily. It sucks to come home and be a contagion to my family but the fear is gradually diminishing. The fear must subside. There must be a time sooner than later where we can choose to live in some sense of normalcy. There is a risk….when will there not be a risk? The quarantine has not been to stop Rona. The quarantine has been to buy the hospital system time. When all is said and done, Rona will still be patiently waiting.
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Warrior In A Garden.
This rant originally started out as a facebook post....but it just went on and on and on. So I figured its been a while, I should just write a little blog as it was obnoxiously long, and I feel extremely passionate about this subject. Check out the article below.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8026881/Comedian-raises-30-000-send-bullied-9-year-old-dwarfism-Disneyland.html
See video at bottom of blog....
To see the outpouring of support from all over the world today for this one little special needs boy who was bullied is heartwarming. How can we not feel anything but horribly outraged and saddened for his overwhelming grief. This all came about after his mother recorded him crying and upset after being bullied at school and she wanted to “show the world what this can do to a child”. The images and video went viral. The response from the public emotional and swift. Everything from a go fund me account was set up, to sports team invites being extended and even a trip to Disney has been arranged...and despite all these wonderful sentiments, an unsettling nagging feeling kept gnawing at me. A sense of generalized irritation. At first I wasn’t sure why. Then it hit me. The questions.... What is the point of all that in the long run? How is any of that stuff going to change the culture of our society? How is any of that going to help solve the problem? Are sporting events and a trip to Disney going to make the problem of bullying go away?
The reality is that almost half of all school age students are bullied at minimum once a month (many times much much more). On avg 70% of students (and staff) report witnessing the bullying....30% admit doing the bullying. Most common types of bullying are verbal and social. Physical happens MUCH less frequently. Tactics utilized- Name calling, teasing, spreading rumors and lies, pushing/shoving, hitting/kicking, exclusion, threatening, stealing belongings, sexual comments/gestures, and online/virtual messaging- the list goes on and on. So, how many kids aren't recorded by their mom or dad and posted online, but are tortured by other children every damn day???? How many kids continue to suffer in silence and sometimes take their own lives b/c "we" as a society haven't equipped them for this cold, heartless world? How many of us are failing to teach our stronger little or younger humans to "be the protector" of the people who surround us??? Studies have shown that when bystanders intervene bullying stops within an avg of 10 seconds. Why doesn't this happen more often? There are always strength in numbers (A bully will use this to their advantage b/c they rarely do it alone). I’ve said this in another blog post, DO NOT expect your school to protect your children. The numbers alone are not working in your child's favor. The staff are significantly outnumbered. Plus a bully will craft their art. Many times these instances take place away from adult ears and eyes...parking lots, school playgrounds, hallways, bathrooms, gym class, locker rooms, stores...the list goes on and on. Zero tolerance in any institution mean zero, zip.
We give our kids so much material "stuff" all year long....but what we really need to give them is the gift of empathy. Empathy, compassion and the strong desire to feel for more than their own person. Damn it.
We may not ever “want” our children to use violence....but heaven forbid that day comes when it is used against them. Then what? I damn well would rather raise my child to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. Give your children confidence. Get them into contact sports...Give them training in self defense. Confidence acts as a bully repellent-I promise.
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“A Grateful Dog Has More Worth Than An Ungrateful Man”
Happy 2019!
With the New Year comes a “New slate” with mass resolutions pouring out of the virtual woodwork.....But these “resolutions” always say a lot about what is making someone unhappy. They border on being complaints that scream “I want to be more successful” in a multitude of ways. I mean what’s wrong with being “average”? Those who live very hum drum lives can be very productive, happy and healthy people.....Sometimes what appears “boring” is only because it’s balanced and not a life full of drama or constant unattainable expectations. Just think of how unappealing a ride at Dorney Park would be if it had no bumps, hills, whips, sharp turns and was going slow at one speed the entire time. It’s still a ride, but it would be more fun to go on the ROLLER COASTER if you are a thrill seeking person.
I guess this is why people don’t want to work on actual “relationships” as a goal or emotional intelligence as a resolution. It’s a slow train to the coal region and they’re only serving stale peanuts :( . Many resolutions tend to be monetary or physical in nature and people are able to quantify the “results” (which they so desperately need to feel successful). So who will actually benefit and who will suffer from the attempts to meet these “goals”? Why do most people fail?
It’s my opinion that people see the New Year as a chance to “set the bar high”. Conjuring up expectations for themselves that might not be realistic or achievable. When “resolutions” are not implemented with a well thought out plan that is broken down into incremental short term goals (with actual strategies), and they go at it “balls to the wall” immediately, this can be a remedy for failure. A big general goal with no game plan causes burn out and everything can deteriorate. FYI-When you post a meme saying you’re going to weed out all the negative people from your life for the year...believe it or not, that’s not a real strategy.
How many people choose to not prioritize what’s important on the road to accomplishing their goals? Chances are that the truly “essential” things in life that you “assume” will always be there (for you) will take a backseat because you feel “achieving your objective” should supersede everything else. Or that your “goal” is inevitably going to benefit the people that mean the most to you, so they can “hang in there” and wait for the fruits of your hard work b/c “it’ll all be worth it”. Some examples of these goals are- making more money (to have the means for a “better” house, car, vacations and material nonsense), of course getting in better PHYSICAL shape (for your health...which is many times more a vanity issue), going back to college, and achieve more authority/recognition at work. Lets be realistic here....That “time” is not ever guaranteed. You making more money, your prettiness and your rank in society, work or sports is meaningless in the grand scheme of your “relationships” and life. Accidental death, disease and just kids “growing up” HAPPEN bc LIFE HAPPENS....and you can’t get time back. I encourage you to rethink your goals, prioritize and come up with strategies and a “game plan” to keep a “balance”. I believe in self improvement....trying to better yourself....but as I get older I have a healthier understanding that we can’t turn back the clocks. You miss your kids growing up now b/c of recreational activities, additional schooling, recreational sports or work? You wont get that back. You aren’t making that emotional connection that is SO important (and so many people think they can make up for it with “condensed time” or buying them “stuff”). Making money for that beautiful house, car, fancy phone or exotic vacations- Meaningless! Busting you butt and missing time all year long for the materialistic bullcrap and the fancy vacations isn’t going to give you back what you’ve missed out on....and it certainly isn’t going to give it back to the people you ignored 75% of the year.....
“Stuff” is expendable (nonsense). Time with the people we love=priceless.
Live so you have no regrets.
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Awkward
Awkward. One word that can easily define the “reason” for so much mental discomfort, social anxiety, body dysmorphia and emotional stress that people including myself struggle with only a daily basis.
This weekend one of my children made a very poor decision in a social situation and it was brought to my attention by another parent. Now, if I blogged every time one of my 5 children I parent made a bad choice I’d be flooding the internet with blog posts.....but this really got to me. It was the answer as to ‘why’ that started me thinking. We discussed the situation,what happened and then we attempted to get an answer of ‘why’ he/she chose to make the decision they did. The answer was “well...if I didn’t do it I would’ve felt awkward”. I was dumbfounded. Not at the situation or even the poor choice in the situation....but the fact they made a poor choice b/c of the fear of feeling awkward? In my mind I’m thinking- “How could any one of my children not be mentally strong enough to be comfortable feeling awkward...how can they fear something we strive so hard to overcome on a regular basis?” I say this b/c it defines the person I am today. It’s the parenting style I’ve adopted with my husband. We will say and do things that can and will generally make our children (or even other people) “uncomfortable” or feel “awkward”....We will not be politically correct or avoid certain topics. If it’s on our mind or a pertinent topic...it’s an open forum for discussion.... so they can feel free to be themselves. So they know they can come to us with whatever comes up and we don’t flinch about the subject....They know that it’s okay to swim against the current when they don’t agree with other peoples opinions and they shouldn’t just sit ‘idly by or silent’ if someone is doing something wrong or something they disagree with.....
I’m writing this b/c as I pondered the ‘why’....I realized in retrospect so much of my life has centered around feeling awkward .....that any confidence I have now to make ‘good decisions’ has been learned over a significant amount of time...and learning to live with or ‘manage’ the awkward is a constant ongoing practice. Some people define themselves and their ‘views’ with groups....whether it’s religious or political they’re assigning you predetermined thoughts and decisions for whatever topic might arise. They’re even telling you to some extent how to cast judgment on others. If you follow the well formatted guidelines of the ‘group’....the task of ‘living’ can almost be without individual thought at all.....It takes much more time, energy and mental fortitude to forge your own road....and there is NOTHING easy about that.
As a young child I was always extremely skinny and tall (like I looked like I had a disease kind of skinny). I was harassed and made fun of continuously...and I didn’t do anything or go anywhere without feeling “awkward”. Just the idea of gym class gave me anxiety. Ugh. Having to wear shorts gave me anxiety. Why? b/c I wasn’t like everyone else. As I got older I would create “vices” to try and overcome the awkward. I became almost aggressive by high school. I was tired of being picked on and if someone wanted to start a fight I was like a Jack Russell Terrier chasing a rabbit. I never backed down. Needless to say being a female it rarely led to anything physical b/c females are all talk...when push came to shove (literally)....they didn’t want any part of anything other than running their mouths.....I would date guys who were interested in anything but me as an actual ‘person’.....and by college the behaviors really didn’t improve but instead escalated. Now adding to an aggressive personality an abundance of partying, poor self esteem, plenty of people trying to coax me in the wrong direction, with a giant glass of awkward, it was the remedy for what could have been a bad ending to a really bad story.
Fast forward....I barely made it through my first year of college in West Virginia. Going from an honor roll high school student to barely passing my college classes my parents said ‘you’re done and you aren’t going back’. There was no way they were going to let me waste money when they knew I wasn’t even trying. Fortunately that summer I was home and I was called by a local college about an opening in their Physical Therapist Assistant program. With some begging and overall parental forgiveness I was given the opportunity to attend college again with the stipulation I could NOT get less than a “B”. This gave me a big dose of ‘this was my last chance’ and I did what I had to do and made it through....with the ‘awkward’ still fully controlling my life.
After leaving college...it was adulthood. I couldn’t get my own apartment quick enough. I think I lived at home for maybe a month or two.... I wasn’t out of school long before I had my first full-time job and full-time boyfriend. Up until this point there was no healthy way to manage the anxiety and the awkward. That’s when I quickly learned exercise was medicinal for me physically and mentally. I was not just working in physical therapy but I was also a personal trainer and basically a ‘gym rat’. By 22 years old I was pregnant and planning and wedding.....By 23 I was married and a mother. Life turned full circle and we decided as ‘parents’ that we’d raise our children in a home where NO topic was off limits.
Awkward. So much of being awkward stems from the feeling that we aren’t “good” enough....pretty enough...smart enough....strong enough....etc. The more awkward you are, the more anxiety you have.... and vice versa. So the key is really becoming ‘comfortable’ with it....get comfortable (or at least be able to muster through) with the uncomfortable feeling we get when those thoughts are going through our heads......bc I’m not cured (and I can’t always make those crazy thoughts go away). I still struggle with this everyday. I’m a 43 year old- wife, full time working mom, “black belt” in jiu-jitsu....but I have a very high anxiety level. I constantly doubt myself. I force myself to say things, go places and do things that I don’t want to do.....to manage my awkward.
When people hear/see/inquire about me doing jiu-jitsu I sometimes feel embarrassed to explain what it is b/c many people feel it’s not ‘what normal middle age females do’....but you know what? It was awkward at first....and now it’s not (most of the time anyway). Jiu-jitsu helps me manage it. Physical training can change our mentality about awkward. It can improve your confidence an improve your self esteem. I encourage anyone who is second guessing themself...mentally, physically.....to come in and try some training. You might be surprised at how therapeutic it is. www.Graciepa.com
#rosendodiaz#graciepa#graciepa.com#sherihockman#jiujitsufemales#bjjunderdog#3rdgenerationjiujitsu#bjj#grappling
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Identity....
You don’t need to be a sports fan (or adopted) to appreciate the ESPN E:60 piece on football’s running back coach Deeland McCullough. My husband Ron spoke to me in great detail about this story he saw on TV and couldn’t believe the “coincidences” that occurred in this man’s life. What made it so interesting for Ron was the concept that Deeland was adopted (just as Ron was).
It’s a heartwarming story of a young football player who came up living a hard luck life and not knowing who his biological parents ever were...until he was in his mid 40′s (when Tom Wolf passed the legislation that would allow adopted children to retrieve their un-certified birth certificates, which contain their birth parents names). That’s when Deeland’s story unfolds. I’m telling you that it’s worth taking the 20mins from your busy day to watch this segment. It made me cry.....
The undeniable realization that life isn’t just about “choices”....that A leads to B and C...that there is more than just what we want and “making IT happen”. That many things are very much out of our control, that inturn unfold and present themselves- b/c the universe or “God” has decided it to be that way. Not necessarily b/c we want it to be that way (both good and bad) and sometimes it’s our job to decipher what’s being presented and why.
This link is for ESPN E:60. You’ll just need to click on your cable provider to watch the full segment. Copy and paste if it doesn’t come up when you click on it. http://www.espn.com/watch/player?id=3432145
This is the full written story...see the link below
http://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/24505521/the-jaw-dropping-story-nfl-coach-search-family
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Jane Doe Story #4 The Naked Truth
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Many MAny MANY females are sexually assaulted and never say one word....WHY? Because they somehow feel “responsible” for what happened. If they didn’t act a certain way...if they didn’t dress a certain way...if they hadn’t drank the alcohol or went to the party...it wouldn’t have happened. Plus, if they did “tell” the consequences to that action can have an immeasurable magnitude on their life. Who will believe them? Will other kids ostracize them? What will the legal system even do? The fear to “tell” many times outweigh living with the mental torture of the incident (or so the victims think). Here we have a brave female recollect her story from high school. The classic “party” where there were kids...alcohol...and monsters? Can alcohol really turn people into monsters? I think not. What I do think...is that it can definitely REVEL them. Thank-you Jane Doe...you’re a brave woman to share your story. BREAK THE SILENCE!
Follow my self defense journey on FB at https://www.facebook.com/Mindfulexistence/
#breakthesilence#BreaktheStigma#SheriHockmanselfdefense#SheriHockmanBJJ#RosendoDiazBJJ#sherihockman#Me-Mindfulexistence#mindfulexistence
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“All Great Changes Are Preceded By Chaos”- Deepak Chopra
There are so many PHYSICAL 30 day challenges these days...from punches to push-ups, planks to squats. You name it- they have it. All for our health and wellness.
When I look around I realize much of society really is unhealthy.....b/c they don’t eat well, they don’t exercise and they don’t make very wise life style decisions. So things like “30 day challenges” (that in theory sound “simple”) actually could inspire or jump start someone who might otherwise continue to live a sedentary existence without something like this. Personally I eat fairly healthy, I exercise and I try and make choices that benefit my physical person. That said, what I don’t do much of is work on my mental health. Not enough anyway. So recently as part of my “headache plan” to manage my migraines we’ve added psychotherapy. I put it off for a good year. I was just SOOOOO nervous. I can’t even say what I was nervous about. I consider myself pretty transparent about most things but I think on some level I know I have deeply buried some pretty raw thoughts and I didn’t want to dig up stuff for fear of reliving emotional pain when I talk about them. Anyway...fast forward to today. I’ve gone to the psych Dr and LOVED it. I leave feeling like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. He doesn’t give me any profound answers to anything and he doesn’t judge. We just talk and he offers strategies to help me deal with my anxiety (that seems to get worse by the year). One of the things he suggested was meditation. This is something I’ve looked into before and even “tried” a couple of times only to get frustrated b/c I couldn’t “clear my head” enough to relax (let alone “focus” on my breath). Honestly, I was just being too hard on myself and not really giving it a chance my first go around. Well now I’ve re-visited this activity and have been enjoying it immensely. I’m only doing 5 minutes each day.....but as of this date I’m starting my MENTAL 30 day challenge. Going forward I’m going to meditate each day one minute longer then the next in various locations. Some days I’ll record myself and make a montage of my meditation escapades...b/c I believe not only is it helpful, but it’s a way to achieve mental wellness to accompany physical wellness (and ANYONE can do it anywhere, at any time for NO COST). It does take practice. I’m no master and that’s why I’m only doing 5 minutes at a time but I feel wonderful afterwards and like I genuinely accomplished something.
I’m hoping to incorporate this into training....My goal is to have an open mat in the future on a friday evening with dim lighting, some psychodelic music for flow rolling followed by a brief meditation....if anyone would be interested- please message me. For myself, it’s all about perseverance, health with longevity and enjoying the ride with like minds.
See below for some great Deepak Chopra videos.
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Feelings Are Like Waves...You Can’t Stop Them.
Writing the next chapter
Breaking through that mental barrier
Having the ability to successfully transition to the next “phase” in life.
Isn’t easy.
One of my favorite quotes is “To live is to change…” because there is nothing that rings truer. Yet as we get older there is nothing that feels more difficult to do. Especially when changes aren’t welcomed or can feel “forced” upon us for a variety of reasons. When we are younger we invite and celebrate the anticipated landmarks/changes of growing up…from learning to ride a bike, to attending various schools, friendships, physical transformations, making the athletic/academic achievements, driving, dating, graduation, college, marriage, kids, etc- the list goes on and on. But those are the acts we can foresee in the “American Dream” that we’ve been conditioned to await (for the most part anyway).
Writing the “next chapter” that wasn’t predicted can be mentally and emotionally challenging especially when we don’t want it or resist the transition. Dealing with things like- Losing loved one’s to death/illness, Dealing with separation/divorce, losing people and relationships we value due to social changes, loss of physical strength or cognitive abilities due to aging and/or health issues/injuries, loss of youth and beauty (weight issues), unanticipated illness, inability to perform job responsibilities/career, being laid-off, inability to drive due to a decline in physical/mental health, loss of material items/wealth and/or unexpected financial hardships and forced institutional living are just a handful of things that come to mind.
When life changes as such, it seems to remove a piece of our identity. It requires our mentality to adjust in a radical way and the simple fact is that some people rise to the occasion and others just outright refuse. I envision our mind and emotions looking like the “wake” in a bay. What can be a serene and peaceful body of water on a beautiful uneventful day can quickly turn into a mosh pit of unpredictable destructive churning waves when the storm in our lives alters things in any kind of negative manner.
Working in healthcare I have an especially unique opportunity to observe this frequently. People who were once independent, productive contributors to society suddenly become institutionalized and dependent on strangers for all their needs. Their feeling of grief is immeasurable….and some will overcome it and redefine themselves and their purpose in life and others just give up. So what makes or breaks us? Is it the overall mental strength or tenacity of the person? The magnitude of the circumstances surrounding the changes? Is it having a support system? Who knows…probably a little of everything. I’ve seen people who have had legs removed come out of surgery having better attitudes than some people who just had their driver’s licenses revoked by their doctor’s b/c of safety/health issues. I mean- what’s the deal?
I write this b/c I’m not an exception to this…. As I motor around in my mid forties I’ve begun to realize that I’m putting off writing my own next chapter. For a long time, a big part of my identity has been training Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I’m so thankful for this journey and what it has provided me mentally and physically. But all good things must come to an end. I’m ready to hang up my gi and move onto other ventures. So much of the past couple of decades has centered around ground fighting and teaching self-defense…but it’s time for something new. I just need to figure out what that is! “To live is to change...”
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Protest Peacefully...But NOT like that. Selective Outrage.
Recently I posted on facebook my opinion about the “NEW” NFL National Anthem policy that will affect any players right to kneel or peacefully protest during this song (which is suppose to be a SYMBOL representing our freedoms)...
http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/23582533/nfl-owners-approve-new-national-anthem-policy
This is what I wrote:
“ The NFL's attempt at mandating players to stand for the national anthem 'or else' is going to be a bad news.
They are drawing a line in the sand challenging everything this country stands for. Taking away the freedom of expression, freedom of speech and freedom to peacefully protest is UN-AMERICAN. Funny how they selectively strip away our 'rights' in response to the manufactured outrage of the public- That's what is UN-AMERICAN. The flag and national Anthem are symbols of our freedoms and should not be used as tools to create more divide. Peacefully protesting is a freedom that should be respected. You don't have to agree with the 'cause' being protested but you should agree with someone's 'right' to do it. There is no 'clause' in the constitution saying it can only be during these hours, at these venues at this time of day. Wanna make American great again? Start by preserving the freedoms we have. #righttokneel
Fast forward to today. I got a message from a friend...He is actively serving in the Army and wanted to share his “2 cents” on this topic. Now let me preface-until this point, I haven’t mentally entertained ANY of the nonsense people have put out there as a valid “reason” that any AMERICAN should be mandated to STAND. The responses or excuses have made no sense. They are all based on the premise that someone who doesn’t stand is “Un-American” and disrespectful. When that’s what America’s foundation was built on....Freedoms. And the hypocrisy of this coming from people who sit in their living room when the ever so sacred National Anthem comes on is STAGGERING. People stand when they are being watched in public. They put on the ‘game face’....Are most people doing it behind closed doors? Hell no. And if you say otherwise you’re the minority doing it yourself or you’re lying.
So anyway...After reading my military friends opinion I was not only intrigued but I agree to a certain extent. This is what he wrote:
“So idk if your familiar with the Kapernick saga going on in the NFL but I wanted to send you my two cents about it cause idk if I'm crazy for seeing it completely different than a lot of people but does nobody understand that Kapernick isn't signed because he decided to protest at his job? Peaceful protest is fine and dandy but if you do it at your place of business there will be negative repercussions like being fired or refusal to be hired at a new place of business because of your actions at your old job. The fact he kneels for the anthem isn't the problem it's the fact that he does it while on the clock in my opinion, if I were to peacefully protest during my work hours I would be fucked but even in different circumstances if you protested at your job you would receive some type of negative reaction. Sundays during the beginning of a game are not the time to protest it’s time to do what your paid to do by your boss it's his stage not yours. Thoughts? I just don't see how it's a racial thing. African American players have protested on different teams with none of the problems. Look at Jenkins for the eagles he had the support of his boss before he started holding a fist up and if Lurie really had a problem with it he would of told Jenkins so and if Jenkins went against his bosses decision he would be liable to be fired just like any business in human history. Kapernick isn't a bad person and he's not getting signed because the NFL is racist. The owners simply don't want the attention he brings and the fact he doesn't give consideration to the owners wants which makes him a bad employee. I don't understand how the NFL can be considered racist when near 80% is a color other than white. Saying a team owned by a white man with black players and black coaches and black office personnel working for him won't sign Kapernick for racial reasons is stupid”
My thoughts?
First off....What I can agree with is the idea that Kapernick or any other player is still an employee...and as such there are specific expectations. Not performing or complying with those policies should give an owner/coach the right to discipline or fire any player for such actions/behaviors. Fair argument.
Here is my problem- One of the first thing that comes to mind was the dangerous and disturbing level of backlash from the public following Kapernicks (and the numerous other players) who protested in silence. B/c despite my friend not feeling ‘upset’ at Kapernick kneeling, I know MANY MANY others who were...They saw it as blatant disrespect and it created ANGER. People name calling, threatening physical violence in reaction to those who protested but also aimed at people who support it. Nonsense. The outrage I witnessed was surreal. Reality Check- There are rapists, wife abusers, child abusers, drug users, dog fighters, and just general criminals/felons in this league BUT this is what the public is going to be in an uproar about?! PUULLLL-EAASSE. Those are some seriously messed up priorities. Kapernick took his medicine in the aftermath and stuck to his mission. He used a national stage to bring attention to a cause he felt strongly about. Whether you personally agree with that cause doesn’t matter. What makes this country so great is having the freedom to express it. Take that away and what do we have?
Lets reorient- we have reality TV star as a president who is tweeting most of his communication to our country in a manner that parallels something my teenagers would say. That’s not a knock...that’s FREEDOM. It’s like if I worked for a Catholic institution and was being made to kneel every morning for a prayer but prior to ‘working’ one day I decided “not to” in protest of all the priest molestation cases...I would know that my actions/behavior could have consequences. That would be a gamble I’d be willing to take based on my beliefs. They would either respect my opinion and value what I offer to the position or they would fire me. I don’t feel any different about this National Anthem. One- It shouldn’t be a requirement to stand for anyone or anything (this is the USA. Not a cult), Two- Why is it even being sung at every game? (Despite the military investing a CRAP-TON of $ into advertising, it’s football not the scouts), and three- It’s an employer/employee issue BUT the PUBLIC is acting like the employer (the owners are just following the lead). A nasty ruler with an iron fist. Some people consider the NFL racist b/c the old white guys who own all the teams cater to the other old rich white guys who invest with them. Rich help the rich. If this kneeling rubs them the wrong way and it’s effecting their wallet that is when “changes” are made. Again....Minimal discipline for real criminals and almost no public outcry and maximum manufactured public outrage f/b policy changes and discipline for KNEELING during the National Anthem. PUULLLLEEASE.
Listen-If it was truly just an NFL policy issue and the public reaction wasn’t so blatantly rude/racist and selectively furious in response to these peaceful protests I’d understand better. Maybe I could “believe” the other side or at least listen. But it hasn’t been. It’s been negative, mean and more mean (and it brought the racists out of the woodwork like moths to a porch light). People are so worried about the government taking away our rights? What do you think this is? Our president is saying if athletes don’t stand then maybe they shouldn’t live here. Really?
My Grandfather was a veteran...He survived the war and came home to marry and have 3 kids.... but he struggled everyday with the mental wounds that fighting inflicted on him. It was the battle after the war that he lost. So don’t think for one second I take our FREEDOMS, respect for my country or our military for granted. Democracy, Independence, Self Autonomy and utilizing our Constitutional RIGHTS is the AMERICAN way.
Make America great again? I’m waiting.
https://www.armytimes.com/opinion/2016/08/30/an-open-letter-to-colin-kaepernick-from-a-green-beret-turned-long-snapper/
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The “Whip It Generation” Delusion of Grandeur.
Mental Carnage- By Sheri Hockman
Sad and silent
Somber but mentally bold
Little Johnny was lost
His pain was untold.........
Keeping to himself
Going to chatrooms to find friends
Couldn’t seem to locate any common ground
Something wasn’t right
He couldn’t pretend.......
It’s an anger that built up inside
He couldn’t control it
To raw and getting hard to hide.......
Classmates were pushed away
The laughter and cheer always seemed to be all around
It went through his body like nails on a chalk board
A grinding palpable sound........
His parents felt helpless
Didn’t know what to do
They showered him in gifts
Took him to the Dr….but wasn’t sure what to construe..........
It appeared to be depression that is what “they say”
Take this medication and “Just believe in yourself”
And it’ll go away
Your parents need to keep a closer eye
And you need to get more sleep
Little Johnny went in his room and locked the door
And quietly began to weep........
Taking drugs and being sent for help
A darkness began to peek through
Little did anyone know
The magnitude and threat just grew.
You see, Little Johnny had decided he wanted to die….
And come hell or high water he would hurt others
He would make them suffer... make them cry
Little Johnny transitioned all of his sadness to rage
School started calling home saying he was a problem in class
What next he thought? “Put me in a cage?”
He wasn’t going to stand for this
“This was not right”
He wasn’t going down like this
Not without a fight
His heart was crippled
Mind was broke
He didn’t want help
Life felt like a big joke.
His mind began spinning with crazy visions
He binged on video games and the internet
Began to make many many irrational decisions
Little Johnny began to devise a lethal plan
How could he end his life
But still stick it “to the man?”
What would make this world comprehend his pain?
Something so transparent and so true
Something no one else could understand let alone begin to feel....Not me...Not you.
Little Johnny didn’t have any friends
He was an outsider......It was him against society
The division between his mind and the “real world” just kept getting wider.
A few tried to befriend him
Good intentions at heart
But Johnny said “Fuck off! Just wait until you see what I’m going to start”
The students were taken back
Didn’t know quite what to think
They didn’t realize how sick Little Johnny was...
As they walked away...Little Johnny’s emotions began to sink
The story of Little Johnny
Doesn’t have an end.....He was a lost soul
With mental illness that he couldn’t recognize or mend
There were plenty of “signs”
Everyone could “see”
But who wants to think Little Johnny would hurt others.....like you or me
Students “walking up” could not have remedied this pending situation
Little Johnny had severe mental illness....it’s invisible
As a society….”Not understanding”…Is a great frustration
You see medical help is not so easy to attain
As some have this notion.....
Pills, counseling and management
Are only effective if the person allows the treatment to be put into motion.
It’s an ongoing process that requires some amount of trust
People with illness can be resistant..
Constant follow up and care is a must.
To date so much young blood has been shed
Lives have been lost
When there could have been securities in place
To at least defend at all cost.
Sitting in a classroom
Wondering if this could be the day....
Fear in the hearts of teachers and children
Contemplating what will save them...hiding or running away?
Walking out in protest
Hoping our country starts to give a damn
Is saying “I want to be safe when I learn”
It’s NOT a stupid issue
They ponder if they’ll be the next sacrificial lamb
The protest isn’t to take your guns
It’s not to stomp on your constitutional rights
They want to know they can attend school
And not die in gun fights.
Bullet proof glass
Metal detectors and/or guards armed with power
Are all things to defend our children
So they don’t just have to hide, defenseless and cower
Unarmed teachers standing at the school doors
Can’t begin to protect them
If bullets start flying and bodies start hitting the floors.
There are people like “Little Johnny” everywhere in life
What is going to change
So people don’t continue to go through this strife?
The reality is…. There is never any “true safety” where ever we go
But we need to do what we can to maximize the safety in our settings
So, we don’t end up 6ft below.
Stop assigning blame
For Students can’t befriend someone to PREVENT a shooting
These are protests
Not anarchy for stealing and looting!
Support these kids….for in a few years they’ll be grown “adults”
Their opinion matters
Eventually they’ll start getting some life changing results.
#Walkup....should be a lifestyle. Don’t be a douche. Just be nice to people all the time. It shouldn’t be a one day initiative....and the parents RANTING about how kids should just “do this” (”Walk up”)-crack me up! Like they were just rushing to the aid of anyone being bullied when they were kids? Give me a break! It’s nice when your hind sight is like 5/20 and you remember your childhood with rose colored glasses (and at this point I’m feeling pretty confident most people are legally blind right now). B/c I don’t remember anyone jumping in front of any bullies when I was a kid. Secondly...if your child “fears” another kid and their dark disposition, why would you tell them to ignore that and ‘walk up to them’ anyway? The gift of fear. The only super power we have. Our gut instinct that we TRAIN out of our children every damn day. Stop it! Kids can be self limiting many times b/c they should be! Stop telling them to ignore their own instincts. It’s wrong. If kids are concerned about another child they need to tell an adult. Period. I think the “whip it” generation is slightly delusional right now. We’re making the “tide pod” eating generation look like genius’s. Think back and be realistic. Parenting today has become overkill on multiple levels. We know almost too much all the time.....Is it really a good thing?
My 1/2 cent.
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If Life Were Fair...Kegs Would Have Wheels
Fair?
I go to the grocery store
I need eggs
The woman in front of me grabs the last dozen
That’s not fair!
I study hard for my test
Take the exam
Get a mediocre grade of a “C”
The person next to me says “Wow. I didn’t even study but I got an A”
That’s not fair.
I train hard to be fast and strong
Working out 6 days a week and seek professional advice for my routine and diet
I get cut from the team
One of the starting players gets into trouble with the law, has poor grades and barely puts forth any effort when he works out.
That’s not fair.
I worked hard throughout my school career and get a 4.2 GPA
Apply for a college scholarship
Declined
Find out that the person who was awarded it….is a minority with a much lower GPA.
Am I being discriminated against?
That’s not fair.
At a party
Everyone is drinking and dancing
The cops show up
Everyone runs because they aren’t 21
But I get stopped and arrested….everyone else gets away!
That’s not fair.
A family with young children decide to get a puppy off craigslist
As the puppy grows it becomes much harder to manage
It whimpers from it’s crate and continues to have “accidents” in the house
They have a vacation coming up and no one to watch it
“Lets drop it off at the shelter…I’m sure someone else will adopt it”
Alone and scared the dog is left by the only family it ever knew.
2 weeks go by….no one.
The dog is killed.
That’s not fair.
You’re driving down the road
Singing your favorite tune
Out of no where
Bamm!
You hit something
A Deer
Your whole front end is caved in
$500 insurance deductible and a half dead deer
That’s not fair.
A bad storm rolls in…
Power goes out.
No heat. No internet. No electric.
Won’t be back on for days
The house 2 doors down has no issues
That’s not fair.
A company sells out
You’re laid off
They bring in new employee’s with less experience and less education
That’s not fair.
A spouse cheats
They try to make it work
The spouse cheats again
They split up and the kids are left bewildered and grieving
That’s not fair.
A person is born with a congenital illness
Huntingtons Chorea
Symptoms begin to start in their 20’s
By 50 years old they can barely swallow and walk like they’re intoxicated
The disease will kill them
That’s not fair.
A child is not feeling well
They see the doctor
Many tests are run
Cancer
Aggressive treatment
The child has a 50/50 chance of survival
That’s not fair
A father left his loaded gun unattended on the kitchen table
His 2 years old son picked it up
The gun went off
The toddler was shot in the chest
He died.
That’s not fair.
A mentally ill student enters a school armed
He injures and kills multiple people
If only they had more God in schools...This might not have happened?
That’s not fair.
A mentally ill person enters a church
Opens fire during the service
Multiple people including children are injured and killed
If only God was....Oh, wait. That was in God’s house.
That’s not fair.
Driving to school
That unsuspecting driver is hit by another texting driver
They are severely injured
They’ll never walk again
That’s not fair.
A jogger is side swiped by a drunk driver
They’re killed
That jogger had 3 kids and a husband
They’re left grieving
That’s not fair.
What is fair in life?
How about nothing….
If it doesn’t break you
It’ll make you
Make you stronger
Make you a better person.
People who try to steer you away from challenges
People who don’t want to overcome adversity
Are always looking for “greener grass”
Get a new appearance- I’ll be liked more
Get a new job- I’ll be happier
Get a new house- It’ll be nicer
Get a new partner- They’ll be easier to talk to and more understanding and “get me”
Get a new family- Sometimes “friends” can be better anyway b/c they’re hand picked….
Get a new “situation”- My problems will be over
Perception is reality
If you think things always need to go your way
You’re already losing the game of life.
You’re well on your way to being unhappy
Nothing about life is fair.
Nothing.
It’s not suppose to be.
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What Is The Difference Between Having A Child With Cancer & One With Schizophrenia? A Casserole Dish.
“.......A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year old siblings knew the safety plan -- they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.-Liza Long”
http://www.post-gazette.com/opinion/Op-Ed/2012/12/23/I-am-Adam-Lanza-s-mother-My-son-threatens-to-kill-me-I-ve-tried-everything-everything-is-not-enough/stories/201212230224
Most of us go into parenthood with rose colored glasses….with the motive to instill and implement every idealistic concept that was ingrained into our psyche from childhood to young adulthood (and unlike our parents and all the other slacker parents we observe around us….come hell or high water we were going to be SUPER successful doing it). Right? I mean how many times have childless parents (including myself) been at a restaurant, entertainment venue or even a family function and thought to our self….”OMG. I’ll NEVER let my child act like that!....I’ll Never blah, blah, blah…..They should do x, y and z” because “we know”.
Then maybe down the road that time comes when we are “blessed” with this little human creature…this “bundle of joy”...our own ‘mini-me’. We love this little baby/child more than our self. The dreams of their future success’s are bounding in our heads.....but slowly they grow and sometime sooner than later the cold reality sets in (for some more than others) that “laying down the law” and “controlling” this little person who has the ultimate goal of seeking full independence isn’t quite as easy or cut and dry as many imagined it would be. Now, let me preface that there are ALL kinds of circumstances that cause increased challenges…whether it’s financial, relationship or health issues…etc (the list goes on and on). There is always something to put a ‘strain’ on your life which makes the art of “parenting” 100x more difficult…That said, parenting a child in what’s considered the “ideal” situation ie- where there is a 2 person relationship for that “tag team emotional support”, financial stability, living in a clean environment with a child who has no extensive health issues IS already difficult and demanding as it is….but what if your child has extreme mental illness? What if your child can’t control their rage? What if your child is abusive to you, animals, siblings, classmates? What if you’ve reached out to doctor after doctor and you’re just going in circles? What if your child is written prescription after prescription and your bathroom cabinet becomes a small pharmacy? What if you become so fearful of your child that you sleep with your door locked? You have a weapon under your pillow? You have to have an emergency plan in place…..No one plans on birthing or raising a Nikolas Cruz or an Adam Lanza. You can’t spank the mental illness out of a child…..you can’t retrain, instill better morals, improve religious proficiency and maximize their appreciation and love for God and expect them to be “cured” of their manic tendencies or severe depression b/c you’re “parenting is on point”. Mental illness is many times undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and extremely complex to treat/manage any one illness (and many people have multiple disorders and end up on a cocktail of drugs) to which every single person responds differently.
There was a time in our not to distant past when mental hospitals/asylums were plentiful….They kept people for long intervals or life time commitments. But due to the abuse of power, lack of funding, and institutionalizing people who were sometimes not mentally ill at all, most have been closed down. For decades now “Deinstitutionalizing” has been a government effort and everyone is mainstreamed into the community…..some into long term care facilities…others just ‘out’. Many end up on the streets homeless and wandering, many commit a potpourri of crimes and eventually live out their lives in prison…and others just ‘exist’ being drug addicts moving from family member to friend...going in and out of hospitals for various medical issues. Which brings me back to my point for writing this….
https://www.thebalance.com/deinstitutionalization-3306067
It’s my opinion that we’ve done a great disservice to our country and communities by closing down psychiatric facilities. Some people are severely mentally ill. Families are living in fear and hopeless. Some people need extensive help and long term management….some people need to be committed and never released. Others may need long indefinite stays. Unfortunately, mental illness isn’t easily controlled. The ugly reality is that it’s a cycle. Many higher functioning people will get help, start managing their issues, feel better, stop managing b/c they feel better and then get worse….once symptoms magnify they will sometimes become paranoid, self medicate with alcohol and drugs and not believe what they’re being told. Now it’s the ‘norms’ trying to convince them to ‘seek help’ again. No one can legally FORCE someone who is an adult and mentally ill to be committed to an institution/hospital involuntarily....you can’t make them get assistance if they don’t want it. Can’t happen. Unless that person is threatening to hurt them self or others they can NOT be committed without their consent. Here’s the kicker of modern mental healthcare….if they are committed…..they go away for usually 2 weeks (30 days tops)-this also applies to minors. So, I threaten to kill you….I’ll be ‘fixed’ in 2 weeks? Usually after a stay they come out ‘snowed’. Doped up on drugs. It’s a vicious cycle. The people who think “fixing the mental healthcare system” will help change our country’s problems are wearing “rose colored glasses”. One step towards improving it.....is affording a massive amount of coverage specifically for MENTAL healthcare (which in our penny pinching system wont happen) ...but many of the people who need this the most can’t even work, let alone have “good” benefits *b/c they are mentally ill! But society has already labeled them “lazy” …. We need mental health institutions where people go to live (that costs lots of $.....wont happen)…. We need to stop ignoring the fact that everyone isn’t meant to co-habitat out in everyday society. This isn’t a PARENTING PROBLEM. It’s a lack of society understanding problem. And as much as this isn’t a gun control rant....if you are getting advanced psych assistance...you should never be able to legally attain a gun. Common sense stuff.
As in the video I posted below....The mom of one of the mentally ill children stated “the difference between having a child with a physical injury or a disease like cancer and having one with mental illness is the lack of sympathy from family and friends....(Casseroles....no one sends casseroles or dinners when your child is a mental mess). B/c there is a fear.”
I couldn’t agree more. There is a stigma attached to mental illness and people aren’t empathetic to the struggle. It’s invisible incurable demon of a disease. Appreciate not only your physical health but your mental health. Don’t take being ‘sane’ for granted....and don’t think ‘better parenting’, more God, and getting rid of all the guns will stop mass shootings...it wont. My 1/2 cent.
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You Will Die...
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You will die...and So will I....I do not know when I will die... and I do not know how I will die...but this I do know for sure.... IT IS MY WISH that when it does happen- My loved one’s will allow my body to decompose naturally (immediately).... because I do not want it to be treated with toxic chemicals...and I do not want to be put on display so you can view my breathless corpse dressed in my “Sunday best” with my face made up like a cosmetology school mannequin because ‘that’s what is suppose to happen’...You will not get to say your good-byes to my lifeless shell that is laying on some kind of silky plush pillow-like material in a large overpriced fancy box at a religious venue that I frequent only a few times a year....with a service lectured by someone who doesn’t even know me....That’s not what will happen. I will be gone and I will not allow my dismissal to become part of a systematic, ritualistic ‘business’ that funeral homes and even churches/religious establishments are capitalizing on.... and as a result it is killing the environment and someone’s pocket book. (see a GREAT video at the end of this blog)
*The cost of an average funeral runs around $10,000+, according to the Berkeley Planning Journal. This includes undertaker and cemetery fees, a burial vault/plot, flowers, clothing, transportation, and other related charges.
**Churches themselves usually do not have a ‘formal fee’ and do not charge for the funeral service of a congregation member...BUT it is an unwritten rule of etiquette that it is expected the family give a donation to the church, pastor/priest and anyone assisting (this monetary donation is vastly different depending on where you attend and live)
With nearly 2 million people buried every year, the funeral industry as a whole rakes in about $15 billion a year....quote “A cash cow”
So....How did this whole process start? Why embalm? How many caskets can keep going into the ground before there are too many? What are the alternatives?
Embalming bodies began basically during the civil war b/c men were dying in battle and the families wanted their bodies ‘in tact’ for burial when they arrived back home. So to delay the decaying process they utilized toxic chemicals to preserve the corpse....It was also during this time period that ‘undertakers’ really ‘broke ground’....literally and figuratively in communities (as previously....viewings, services and burials were all done at home by the family in a private manner without any outside interventions). See the photo below.
*an interesting fact* “ Most grander homes of the 19th century had a false, or "death door" placed off of the formal room, that led to the outside without steps to remove a deceased family member. It was considered improper to remove a body through the door, the living crossed to enter, also, it was considered bad form to carry them out feet first. Later a grave was dug, in the family cemetery. http://thefuneralsource.org/hi0301.html
**According to an article published in the Berkeley Planning Journal, more than 800,000 gallons of formaldehyde are put into the ground along with dead bodies every year in the US. That's enough to fill one and a quarter Olympic-sized swimming pools each year.
Fact: Many parts of the world are running out of burial space. Places are beginning to combine bodies, stack bodies, and even leasing plots for ‘x’ amount of time (example 15 years with an option to extend the lease or else the body is removed) to ‘recycle’ the plot
According to the Berkeley Planning Journal, conventional burials in the US every year use 30 million board feet of hardwoods, 2,700 tons of copper and bronze, 104,272 tons of steel, and 1,636,000 tons of reinforced concrete.
The amount of casket wood alone is equivalent to about 4 million acres of forest and could build about 4.5 million homes. Gross.
These parks/cemeteries generally have sprawling, pristine lawns that require a ton of water, chemical fertilizers, and pesticides to keep them a vibrant green. These chemicals can seep into water supplies or harm wildlife, such as bees. A park for dead people (I’ll never understand it)
They also use up a ton of land. If you added up the entire square footage of all the cemeteries in the US, according to Dobscha, it would measure 1 million acres of land. -FOR DEAD PEOPLE.
http://www.businessinsider.com/burying-dead-bodies-environment-funeral-conservation-2015-10/#memorial-parks-use-a-lot-of-space-and-resources-3
There are alternatives. For one, I’ve always said if my lifeless or dying body could be useful to someone else (or a piece of it)..take it. An organ...tissue, body part....whatever. My shell is not mine anymore...so if someone alive can make use...please do. Once they’re done chopping stuff off or cutting it out (obviously this would depend on the manner in which I died) I would also be willing to donate my body to science. Following that....Natural burial. or whatever way causes the least damage to our planet.... Green. Put my body in some ‘pod’ and let me naturally decompose with a tree over top of me. Let the maggots and worms eat my remains. It’s estimated that without embalming and chemicals it still takes AT LEAST 8-12 years!
As much as I always thought I’d be cremated....and “it is less harsh on the environment than traditional burial.... the process is still noxious. It releases nasty chemicals into the atmosphere, including carbon monoxide, fine soot, sulfur dioxide, heavy metals, and mercury emissions from dental fillings, which are particularly concerning.”
In conclusion, just b/c things have been done a ‘certain way’ for a really long time doesn’t mean it’s the right way or the only way...More times than not people just don’t like ‘change’ or they’re afraid to rock the boat for fear of what ‘others might think’ (even in death!).....and still some people just don’t care and might say “Well, I’m going to be dead anyway..so it doesn’t matter-I’ll do what I want”. I say, if that’s the case then live your life like that when you are alive....Just don’t give one freaking crap about anyone or anything. Just start doing everything you can to be an awful person b/c ‘it doesn’t matter’...vote to raise taxes, slash your wife or husbands tires, throw gasoline in the swimming pool...I don’t know. It’s crazy to think that way. So wake up and just ‘think’. Think for yourself and the consequences that this longterm problem is going to have on our planet.... stop living a thoughtless existence bc you’ve been programmed from a child to believe a ‘certain way’. One of my favorite JFK quotes...”Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of hope”. My 1/2 a cent.
*and as a side note....If you REALLY want people looking at your lifeless body....you DO NOT need to be embalmed! Refrigeration does the trick! Just like the meat you store in a refrigerator...your body can be stored for a certain amount of time in a body refrigerator without any issues. Stop believing the nonsense. It’s a racket. (again....great 3 min “Adam Ruins Everything video below” on funerals)
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