#SevenDaysOfPassionAndAction

(please bear with me, this is long) day 3:

passion: affordable housing and eradicating poverty.

why: I touched briefly on my period of homelessness, but even if I never was, it shouldn't be a privilege to be able to sleep inside.

how I act on it: so this one's tougher, because this is a legislative problem. fair housing laws protect you from being discriminated against on basis of race, religion, gender, or sexuality, but it in no way secures you housing if you are below, at, or just above the poverty line. and yes, there are housing assistance programs, but not everyone qualifies for them. I've been partnering with a local women's shelter to help with this root problem of not having affordable housing available, but also with the symptom of not having an address to put on job applications. I've been offering pro bono resume editing and letter writing services to the women there as well as in my neighborhood currently looking for employment, as well as offering my services as a makeup and hair enthusiast to them once they get interviews. that's really all I can do without a JD.. in my heart of hearts, I wish I could do more. (if anyone has any ideas, share them with me, please.)

what I've learned from it: there's a stigma that comes with homelessness and generally needing assistance that needs to be eradicated completely. again, if you missed that when I said it before: when I was homeless, I had two (2) jobs. two jobs that put me just above the poverty line, but not enough to get me into an apartment. THAT REASON ALONE is why I get angry when people say "just get a job!" it's never that simple, okay. I had two jobs (I’m never going to stop emphasizing the plurality of this. I, one sole woman, garnering two (2) incomes, was still struggling to find stable housing and working through 2 mental breakdowns and two physical ailments (my ulcers flared two times in 5 months, plus the ongoing problems with my right ankle). there are people with NO jobs who cannot work due to illness or disability, and they were struggling just the same as I was, catching the same denials for assistance, but for completely different reasons. I was denied section 8 or a housing voucher because I don't have children AND at the time, I had 2 jobs. being single with no dependents put me on a different scale of need, and thus, at a lower priority than someone with child(ren). even when it got to the most dire of straits and I thought I'd have to live in a shelter, I didn't qualify, because in the winter months, the priority is given to women with children. and to be quite frank, I would rather the children have somewhere to sleep indoors when I could, at the best, stay at a friends, and at the worst, sleep in the car.

you cannot save your way out of poverty. there is literally nothing more expensive than being poor. someone asked me "well where did all your money go?" and my honest response was "food, phone, gas, storage unit, and hotels." here's how that breaks down: — there's nowhere to cook or store food when you're homeless, so you spend a lot of money on small quantities of cheap takeout. ("maybe stop buying on frappuccinos!" is literally the most entitled thing I ever heard during that time. that one $4 tall chestnut praline frapp is not going to keep me from getting an apartment. please mind your business.) but cheap takeout isn’t really cheap, it’s more like $5-7/meal. that’s like $10-20/day, which is like $70-140/wk, which is approximately $280-560/month ON FOOD. and there’s not too much way around that. — you CANNOT let your phone get cut off when you're homeless and looking for a place. your phone is your first line of safety and defense. your phone is also how you find an apartment. your phone is also how landlords find you, as it's literally the only thing keeping you on the grid, and in places where there's only a 30-day turnaround on apartments (i.e. DC), if you miss a call/email from a property manager, you will lose the unit. — you drive literally everywhere to keep from loitering and drawing attention to yourself. as a single Black woman, looking like you're wandering makes you look suspicious, and "looking homeless" is inviting danger and harassment. I was blessed to have income, so I got a cheap 24-hr gym membership, and that was where I showered and napped (in the tanning rooms, bc they had doors that locked), and I had a 24hr gated storage unit not far from my gym where I stored interview clothes and the like. so I could park there when I just needed to wind down, or change really quickly, or whatever. (remember, looking homeless will not get you a job. grooming and upkeep were paramount to making it through. I also got REALLY good at doing my hair and making headwraps to clean up my look when I couldn’t afford a trim or it was too cold for a wash-n-go.) — my right ankle never really recovered from the two times I broke it, and as a result, when I’m in a seated position for too long, I lose circulation in it and it swells. if and when my ankle would swell beyond recognition, it would prevent me from standing, thus prevent me from working. so literally, to maintain my job, I’d have to get a hotel one or two times a month specifically so I could lay down and prop my foot up. DMV hotels are not cheap, even with a deal. you can easily spend a month's rent just trying to stay safe while you're homeless, and before you know it, there goes your security deposit. — moreover, I am single. I don’t have anyone to split bills with or carry me because I’m without. so many people in my life operate out of a place of “we” and I operate from a place of “me”, because, well… I don’t have anyone I can depend on in that way. that took a serious toll on my mental health, and that isolating feeling of having to tough it out by myself truly made me feel as though I was in 16ft hole with a 4ft ladder. I didn’t think anyone could help or understand me.. but bless God, I was so wrong.

when I would tell my friends this, they would be astonished. I was often met with "we never would have known!", but that's because I didn't talk about it, because I was ashamed. I thought being working poor and homeless was something that I'd done to myself, something that I deserved to have happen to me, something that I would honestly never be able to get myself out of. but I honestly and truly was very blessed that a) I had income, b) I worked for a company that provided me resources to keep me safe and at the very least mentally healthy while I was looking for a place, c) I had a colleague who let me stay with her rent free for 2 months without question, and later, d) a property manager and a landlord who believed in me and thought I needed a home to tell my story from. and once I realized that homelessness wasn’t a defining factor of my life, but just a shitty circumstance, it made busting out of it that much more feasible.

the last thing I learned- and this is most important- is that closed mouths/souls/minds do not get fed. no one gets out of this crap alone. once I realized that homelessness was not something I was going to be able to fight my way out of alone, I discovered that I had a pretty dope support system this entire time, and they were with me all along the way. and though they are few, I was made aware of some of the privileges I possess being a Black American Catholic woman with a strong network. nobody gets through life without the help of at least one stranger. my friends were strangers before they were my friends.. I never forget that we were all strangers until we said “hello”.

so to anyone reading this: you are not alone. I will not allow you to think that you are alone trying to get through a shitty situation. everyone’s story is different, and yours deserves to be respected and told with dignity and grace. and if you truly do need help, contact me, and I will do whatever I can to make sure you have the proper resources available to get back upright and on the road to your independence.

do not let your home insecurity snatch your dignity. do not let your home insecurity be the reason you allow someone to take your humanity. you are blessed far beyond your circumstance, and no one can ever stop what is Divinely ordained, no matter what.

I love y’all. stay safe out here.

#SevenDaysOfPassionAndAction

I made up my mind that the last week of my 20s, I would write down 7 things I’m passionate about, why, how I’m acting on it, and what I learned. naturally, I got a little carried away in my birthday festivities, so I didn’t get to finish that writing challenge.. but it’s never too late to start again, right?

I figure now’s as good a time as ever to pick up where I left off. here’s day 1:

passion: FOOD EQUALITY. I live for a good, cheap, homemade meal. I also don't like wasting food, especially when there are people who are really struggling to eat out here.

why: I was a broke college student just like everyone else, but I was also homeless from 10/15-5/16 after being laid off. I had great friends and loved ones who let me couch hop, but I was eating a LOT of takeout, and I was having my anorexia and bulimia triggered daily. I was so unhealthy, but I had to eat. after I got a place, my mission was to to feed myself and keep my ED at bay.

action: I've been making bag lunches with nutritional value for the houseless whenever I have extra money to do it. (beans and rice go a really long way.) I host the kids in my neighborhood for dinner once a month (they take out my trash tho. lol). and the littlest thing? I freeze all my leftovers. all of them.

what I learned: being a good cook is science. keeping track of recipes, meal planning, being mindful of what you put inside you.. all that takes diligence. and it's exhausting, but it's the best job you can take on. taking care of yourself is paramount, and let your friends and loved ones hold you accountable for yourself! but no matter how outrageous your expenses get, being a good person is free.

be good to yourself. you will always deserve a good meal and good love. don't ever forget that.

#SevenDaysOfPassionAndAction

day 4:

passion: self-preservation.

why: because before I was anything, I was myself.

how I act on it: I am a firm believer in self-care in whatever form that comes in for me. sometimes self-care is reading. sometimes it’s having a glass of wine. other times, it’s going out to be with friends. self-care is putting aside that $150 and getting a much needed haircut, mani-pedi, face threading, and Brazilian wax. it’s going to the fabric store for a new headwrap. it’s getting that new wax print maxi skirt. it’s sitting down with a Bible or a Qur’an, depending on the day. it’s prayer, it’s meditation, it’s cleaning and clearing when my spirit says “no, girl. no more.” it’s quieting my mind to hear God say “yes ma’am, continue forth.”

what I learned from it: what some people consider self-care, others consider luxury. I’m also a firm believer in knowing the difference between indulging in a vice and an addiction. I make sacrifices for my self care that some people don’t agree with, but it’s not their life to live, to be quite honest. I have to take care of myself because there is no one else taking care of me. if I want my life to change, I have to change it. and that, to me, is self-preservation. self-preservation is self-care. self-preservation is what you do to sustain you while you’re alive. live your best life, friends.

#SevenDaysOfPassionAndAction: Religion

day 2:

passion: studying religion, not just from a place of faith ideology, but also as a history, sociology, and political science. why: because hatred of any sort is just not of God, and I will never understand the legislation of hatred in the name of the Divine. the God I serve put a spirit of love within me, and what is Divinely placed can never be snuffed out. how I act on it: I attend worship with my friends of other Christian traditions as well as just of other faiths. in my home, there is a Bible, a Qur'an, Zen meditation beads, a rosary, a small shrine to the ancestors, and other assorted devotionals and texts. I allow myself to be a safe space for anyone looking to dialogue and fellowship not just in the name of Christ, but also the name of Love. we all have to find our paths in this life, and no one should ever feel like they have to walk alone. what I've learned from it: religion, where it is a way of organizing faith, is also another form of social doctrine. it's a history; a living history of groups of people and their culture. I learned what a privilege it is to live in a country where your faith is the dominant faith, and I grew my faith by stepping out of that privilege and studying other religious traditions. I've learned to notice the hypocrisies I see in people of faith, and how to challenge hateful ideologies on behalf of my fellow humans in the name of the Most High. I learned to stand wholly and fully in truth and power, and to speak life over what the world may claim is dead.

I affirm and believe that God gave us the free will to find Her/Him on our own accord and in our own unique and very personalized path. before we were anything, we were of God, and it is nothing short of Love that brings us all together as a human family. As a Christian, I feel I can confidently say Jesus didn't die for us to hate each other for worshipping/living/praying different ways. this is monotheistic specific, but Leviticus 19:18 says "love your neighbor as I have loved you. I am the Lord." the end. Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike all believe that God loves us. there's no reason to hate your neighbor. show that you love God by loving people. it's totally natural and it's meant for you to do. don't hate anyone, as the amount of energy and life force that goes into hatred will kill you. if you have to lack love, remember that apathy speaks louder. it is better to do nothing than to deny love.

I'm praying for all of you, all the time, no matter what. the Universe is working for your good. may you always and forever find peace in that. bless.