#SOMEHOW he manages to harass pitchfork without him even BEING there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

epiitaphs · 3 years

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A speech given upon Cee (@consultingsister) and Severin’s (@gunmetalgrey) wedding in hospital verse. (also referenced: @theasteriae, @diabolicaltendencies, and @strangerinourmidst)

He stood from his table at the proper time, nodding to the bride and groom before giving a quick look over the crowd.

“Thank you everyone for being here today, and I will try to make this quick, as I assume dancing is everyone’s real priority. Or at least the one I can mention without getting a glare from across the room. Hi, Mum.”

Seb smiled - more of a mischievous grin, really - in her direction, tempting fate and not quite meeting her eyes. For now, he was safe, protected by tradition and only really having to wonder if Severin was going to try to stop him. That might change, when he was through with it, but he could run, even in a suit.

“If you don’t know who I am, I suggest looking between me and the groom several times very quickly. That should give you a hint. If not, you may also note similarities and differences between us and our cousins. But enough about me - Severin told me to do my worst, and that’s exactly what I’ll be doing today. Remember how much you care about me, both of you, before you get the pitchforks out.”

He wouldn’t actually categorize this as his worst, but Severin really had slipped up by telling him that, and he’d let him stew a while longer. The imagination was always stronger when trying to come up with the worst possible outcome.

“I’ll note that at school Severin and I were often mistaken for each other at a distance, so if that’s what’s happened to you, Cee, let me know and I’m sure we can work something out. Severin, I honestly don’t know where you got the self-esteem or the sheer courage required for this relationship, given your prior girlfriends, but somehow it paid off.

When I first met Cee, I told Severin that he’d reached far out of his league. And repeated it several times, since it didn’t seem to take. Before that, all I knew about her was the starry eyed and entirely nauseating expression he made when talking about her, as well as that he used me staying in his room as an excuse to visit her. As you well know, I’m always happy to help out a plan or two. Cee, you’re an incredibly talented surgeon and I don’t know why you settled, but I know that Sev is certainly glad that you did. Really, you had the pick of all of us, Jasper included.”

And here came the part that he had not run through with Rich because he’d been pretty sure he’d have been told to stop harassing the baby of the family. Who he had brought it up with was Bash, who he’d also given free rein to mention the plan to August, just in case they needed extra muscle. He hadn’t explained exactly what he was going to do, just that there might need to be some persuasion involved.

“Jasper, stand up so everyone can get a look at you. I’m not going on until you do. I’m doing you a favor - this is a wedding, everyone’s looking to be the next, so maybe you’ll finally get a date. Even if it’s out of pity or desperation, we’ve all got to start somewhere.”

A glance over to Jasper showed him bright red but standing, if only for a very brief moment. He’d allow it - that was good enough. Just needed him embarrassed but not so much that he’d go hide in a corner for the rest of the night. He’d have to remember to thank Bash - and probably August too - for any help. He very carefully did not glance at his parents, doubting that at least his mother would have found it quite as amusing.

“I mean, look at Sev, he’s the pity vote every single time. Maybe there’s hope for us all. So Cee, either you know something we don’t or he’s got something on you, in which case, I know a good lawyer.”

That was as much of an acknowledgement as he was willing to give Moira without wondering if he might need to fear for his life. Not that she’d do anything in front of the family, but the reception wouldn’t last forever and she was sneaky enough to manage.

“I suppose this is the point where I congratulate the two on finally stopping dancing around each other, but I’d like to give myself some credit first, since apparently telling Severin to do the right thing means that he’ll fly out to New York on a moment’s notice. But really Cee, we should all be thanking you, because he was insufferable without you. Now we’ll have to suffer the both of you. I’ll drink to that - we all should.”

Perhaps not the most traditional invitation to toast, but it was done. Not too bad - not overly long and amusing enough not to come off too mean. Because as much as Severin’s mooning over Cee drove him to the brink, he was actually happy that they’d finally made it this far. Now to the harder part - avoiding a lecture for the rest of the evening. He did also need to check in on his father, but he’d just have to time that properly.

#v: angsters anatomy #in which seb harasses almost all of his family but at least not on company time so rich doesn't have to worry #and then he spends the rest of the night avoiding his mother #i did say i was gonna do it

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