very tall soulmate <33

July 7th 2019 2:33pm  today and yesterdays been okay. Damen left 2 days ago. Nothings been happening. Ive been kinda sad and dysphoric really bad. also really paranoid. I feel like everyone hates me or is so close to insulting me or telling me im actualy awful. Its becoming a bit crippling, im talkng to tons of people but I just still feel so scared.  got my period last night too, its VERY heavy so i have to finalyl wash the clothes that have been sitting since vacation in june lol......... god. Ive been drawing alot though, but i feel alittle disconnected, so it makes me sad, then i get tired at about 10pm so i make like one thing a day then sleep. its eh. Last night i made alot tho so i was happy about that.  Today ive just felt shamed and gross. I feel like a worm. I see and am freinds with ppl who cospplay and hang out and theyre all around my age. one is even a teacher. I just feel trapped, and worthless all the time now. I dont want to be known or seen ever again. Id be happy just living in my computer making art and scrolling forever. thats what it feels like ive done my whole life anyway. I dont know anything else.  I miss people and freinds but I feel too scared and broken about them now. I dont trust anyone, and i feel like im disgusting around people- i feel like a freak or a creep even though i dont do anythign or even think anything weird.  Im scared about october, im going to try my hardest to not make it awkward but god if I do Ill never forgive myself. I wish i could just be what I want. Im so sick of this