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stupd000 · 3 months

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Milo’s hips DO NOT AND WILL NEVER lie

#shakira shakira #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted audios #redacted milo

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autumnalmess · 6 months

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"I hope this email finds you well"

How this email found me:

#im insane #les mis posting #les miserables #les mis #victor hugo #enjolras #les misposting #grantaire #shakira shakira #enjoltaire #courfeyrac

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alexandraisyes · 5 months

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Bloodmoon alt under the cut (it’s worth clicking under the cut I promise I swear)

Inspired by a DTIYS by @freakdoodles

#art #illustration #sun and moon show #fnaf #fnaf au #moondrop #moon FNAF #tsams fnaf #bloodmoon sams #bloodmoon fnaf #daycare attendant au #daycare attendant #dca fanart #tsams fanart #them hips don’t lie #shakira shakira

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multi-fandomsyndrome · 3 months

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these hips dont lie and theyre saying I have the plague

#chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #disabled #disabilties #disability #shakira shakira #physical disability #disability awareness #actually disabled

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mvdam · 5 months

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#no context #just hips don't lie #shakira shakira #mathieu van der poel #mvdp

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chewingonsneakers · 1 month

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whatever you do, do not imagine queen kevin day, ms sugar pink liquor liquor lips, swapping his racquet to his left hand in the center of a roaring crowd. i’m telling you don’t do this. you won’t like it, it’s spicy

#he is 🤤#CHILDBEARING hips i tell you #shakira shakira #kevin day #the foxhole court #the kings men #all for the game

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melanieph321 · 11 months

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Ruben Dias x Reader - Beautiful Liar Part 3/3

Okay, since the last chapter of this fic takes a dark turn, I feel the need to issue out a warning of violence. Although we know that the Ruben that we all love ain't like the one I'm writing about, I was curious to explore his character a bit in this one.

I hope you enjoy!

She was still at your apartment, Rubens wife. Well into the late hours. You spent the day crying in each others arms. Once the two of you were done crying over a lying cheat, you two settled down on the couch to talk things out.

"He said I was worth it, his one desire." God you felt so stupid for falling for it, falling for him.

"I know things about Ruben that you wouldn't want to read about. But he was my first love, my husband. We got married when we were fairly young, fresh out of high school. I've trusted him all my life but when I saw you today I understood that the rumors were true. "

You were wrong. You thought you and Ruben had managed to keep the relationship unknown from your coworkers, but apparently somone, perhaps Rubens friends, found out about it and told his wife.

"Please tell me how you could possibly forgive me, when it's me who is ashamed?"

"The answer is simple." Charlotte said, wiping her tears with a napkin. "He's the one to blame."

"Ruben?"

"He had us both fooled."

"But why are we the once to suffer?" You balled up your fist. "He won't be the one to cry."

"Perhaps it's not worth the drama for a beautiful liar."

Charlotte was stronger than you, you thought. If you ever came face to face with Ruben again you had no idea what could happen. You might kill him on sight?

"I know, I just wish I could free you from the hurt and the pain." You said, walking her to the front door. Compared to you she had more stake in this. Her realationship with Ruben was fully fledged. She was his wife and he was her husband. You were just some home wrecking mistress.

"Like I said Y/N, he's the one to blame, not us."

You nodded understandingly, although you were blaming yourself pretty bad at that moment.

"Are you going back home?" She looked exhausted. So were you.

"Yes, to get my things. I'll stay with my parents until I figure out what's next."

You nodded "Good.", and with that you said goodbye to each other.

The next day came a bit too fast for your liking but you were determined to keep your head down and go about your day perusual.

"Y/N?"

That is, until Ruben stepped into your office, shutting the door behind him.

"Out! Out now!"

You rose from your chair.

"Y/N please." Ruben held up his hands in defense. "Let me explain."

"Explain!" You hissed. The office walls were thin and it wouldn't be to your advantage to cause a scene. After all, Ruben was cozier with the boss than you.

"What's there for you to explain Ruben. You've been fucking me by day only to go home to your pregnant wife at night."

"You've met her?" He said. His voice lower than usual.

"Of course I have. She was at the apartment the other day when I went to get my purse. What did you think, that I heard about your pregnant wife from someone in the office? I know I'm fairly new here but I'm surprised no one mentioned her before."

"Y/N, please hear me out before you judge me."

"Trust me I'm done judging." You chuckled. Mind you that your voice was getting louder than you intended. Ruben was the one desperate to keep things non hostile between the two of you.

"I'm glad she's leaving you Ruben. She deserves so much better."

"What?" He frowned, somthing frightened about the way his jaw clenched.

"Why would she stay? Who would want to build a family with a man like you? A liar, a pathetic liar!"

"What did you tell her?" He snapped. "What did you do?"

You jumped behind behind your desk, but did not move quick enough to avoid Ruben coming around and backing you up against the glass window. Your back slammed against it, vibrating the entire office.

He had your head pinned between his hands, his knee tucked between your thigh.

"Ruben, please."

You felt the air in your lungs tighten as his trembling hand gripped around your throat.

"Don't ever call me that again." He said, through gritted teeth. He was unrecognizable. A complete menace. A side he's been hiding from you.

"I know things about Ruben that you wouldn't want to read about."

Those had been his wives words. Perhaps this was what she meant?

"Did you hear me, don't ever call me that fucking word again."

"A liar."

You had to fight to get the words out, with Rubens tight grip around your throat, but as he had you pinned to the wall he heard you loud and clear.

"What did you say?"

"You're a liar Ruben. A sick and twisted beautiful liar."

He looked enraged and excited at the same time. He often liked it when you gave him a fight. He had shown you this many times before.

"Ruben please."

His hands traveled down your leg, tugging at your skirt, pulling the fabric up and above your waist.

You were ashamed of the heat you felt between your thighs. You often were ashamed during the times you tried to resist him but couldn't and getting kinky in the office was somthing you and Ruben had done more times than you wanted to admit.

"Ruben stop it, I'm mad at you."

"You can be mad and still take my cock." He groaned, turning you around to face the window. You looked down to see people the size of ants, walking down the street, having no idea what was going on above their heads.

Ruben was rougher when he was mad but not in a way that frightened you. You pitied him more than anything.

"Don't...ever...call...me...that...again! Don't...ever...call...me...that...again!"

He fucked you senseless. His childlike anger unleashing with every senseless thrust.

"You're a fucking liar Ruben." Eventually your folds clenched around him, with you slumping down, back against the wall. He slid down next to you, leaning his limb body against your shoulder.

"This is goodbye Ruben. I mean it." You were tired and your offer to change offices still stood.

"I know." He said, voice weak and pitiful. "I'm sorry."

"It's not me you should be apologizing to." You pushed yourself away from him, fighting to get back on your feet. You left him there sobbing over his pathetic little lies. But that's what he deserved. That beautiful, beautiful liar.

#fanfiction #manchester city #man city #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias #football imagine #footballer x reader #football angst #footballer imagine #football x reader #football #Beyonce Beyonce #shakira shakira

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its-arson-time · 24 days

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my hips ? telling the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth baybee

#arson screams #shakira shakira

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newts-and-sharks · 2 months

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One of my friends did something funny over fall break and my entire friend group has not let her forget it yet

Including me

#Shakira Shakira #newts doodles #my fren

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ineffablydelighted · 9 months

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[Good Omens, Two weeks after S2 events...]

Nina: *bumps in* Okay, where TF is he, again?

Maggie: Hello, sir 👋

Pub owner: *sighs* Hello. Same as usual. Someone will have to pay the-

Nina: *slams two 50s on the bar* Here, done. *is under the impression she became the parent of a probably immortal being going through his first teenage heartbreak but with a middle-aged man body and a liquor license*

Maggie: *to the pub owner* Sorry about that, she's... Excuse-me... *follows Nina*

Crowley: *wasted**barely understandable**slams an empty Talisker drink on the table* StUuRpId ASSssAnGeL...

Nina: You have to STOP doing that. We have lives, you know?

Crowley: *unnatural lying position* 'nd bery short at tha', yea, I know tha'. Arn't ya' so luckeh?

Maggie: Please, Sir, you need to go home...

Crowley: *dour laugh* Yeaaaa, well, it's not asif I had tha'.

Nina: *sighs* You live in Mr Fell's Bookshop with Inspector-Naivety-Incarnate-something. Remember?

Crowley: Ah, yea, maybe, huh... *pointing an uncertain finger at Maggie* *high-pitched voice* ey, don't ya owe me rent?

Maggie: *ever seen a very pale cinnamon roll? Ya have now* Well, I...

Nina: *would cross her arms if she hadn't done that already**offended**protective almost-girlfriend* I have paid for your "coping method" a couple thousand pounds by now you didn't feel the need to repay me, so I think you should be careful before demanding any rent! Oh, and should I mention I've spent that in the course of A SINGLE WEEK?

Crowley: *looks at her with the sudden need to throw up**or to break something* No nehd to be... To be... Watevah. This is bullshit! *first sentence he somewhat says perfectly for some reason* My, my point is... Is... Bluh. He's so... BLUH!

Nina & Maggie: *look at each other in we've-heard-that-from-Monday-to-the-next-Monday**opposites face expressions though*

Crowley: *faints because he wants to* *hides his face under his 1941 hat*

Nina: Oh, no! No, no, no! That is not happening! *shakes him* Oy, wake up! I do not have all night!

Maggie: *whispers* Be gentle with him, Mr Fell is... you know...

Crowley: *ignores them**but is also listening*

Nina: *out loud* He behaves like my sister Chantel when she learned that Justin Bieber was dating Selena Gomez! Except that, my sister was fourteen at the time, not- I don't even know! How even old are you?!

Crowley: *shows his face again**yells* WHO CARES?! He's... He's... *proceeds to imitate Gollum's voice to perfection* Stupid fa- fantastic Magisshit-

Nina: Okay, enough. *grabs his arm agressively* Get up!

Maggie: *takes his hat from the floor and his glasses from the table* I don't think he can...

Nina: He can and he will! Go on, get up!

Crowley: *makes himself fall back on the sofa**loves behaving like a 5 yo having a tantrum* NEH! I-I I am NOT...

Nina: Do you want us to abandon you here?

Pub owner: *from afar* If you don't put your uncle out, Coffee girl, I swear...

Nina: *points a very menacing finger* Don't you dare "I swear" me! I "I swear" people, not the other way around, especially not when I have to deal with that excuse of a... a... man! *couldn't come up with something better*

Crowley: Imnottha' but...

Maggie: There is no need to fight, we... *looks at Crowley having somewhat of some tears in the corner of his eyes* He's just... heartbroken, you see?

Crowley: *almost inaudible* I'm noot.

Pub owner: Yeah, 'figured. That's no good reason! Whenever he's here, every customer leaves in under ten minutes for some reason and that isn't good for my business!

Nina: Coming from the lad whose only job is to take advantage of other people's misery, that's rich.

Maggie: Nina, you...

Nina: *grabs Crowley by the first ankle she sees* It will mess up your hair but I am ready to make you slide out of here even if that is the last thing I'll ever do.

Crowley: *falls to the floor**doesn't care* I'd like to see tha'

Nina: Fine, you asked for it. *grabs his second ankle**makes him slide for two meters before almost giving up**to Maggie* What are you waiting for? Take him by the armpits if you have to, but help me!

Maggie: *wants to do exactly that**doesn't know what to do with her hands for a second**puts Crowley's glasses and hat on to free them**grabs Crowley by the armpits* Okay, okay, One...

Nina: *holds herself from laughing at Maggie's new improvised look**is not even in the mood to anyway**lifts Crowley up**realizes she's the only one doing so**offended look*

Maggie: I... Sorry. I thought we would lift him up at three and...

Nina: *sighs in I-ve-never-signed-for-this-but-here-I-am* Maggie, Angel, please, you're not helping.

Crowley: *out of nowhere* ANGEL! 'Ngels... arn't vey djust...

Nina: Three.

Crowley: *does not mind being lifted by two struggling humans**mumbles* I 'ate 'is sturpid hair...

Nina: Of course you do. Careful the corner, Mag-

Maggie: *hits her hip* Aouch!

Crowley: *more to himself* AND his stupid fess...

Nina: *to Maggie* Careful, I said! If you really want to hit something, hit him! *looks at Crowley*

Maggie: *passing by the bar**to the Pub owner* Sorry about that, have a good night.

Crowley: *less and less understandable* 'nd 's mooth 'hat says 'turpid sings...

Pub owner: Whatever.

Crowley: 'ike "'omoshun is Ineff-neffably 'wesome wa doon't ya' kom wis meh dishtroy thee uni-universs?"

[The doors of the pub ring their departure]

Nina: We really should *Crowley is heavier than she expected* consider *like, really* create a law to oblige pub owners to have *humpf* bedrooms in the back of their establishment!

Maggie: We're *sore arms but still going strong* lucky he lives *breathless* right across.

Nina: *forces open the Bookshop with her hips that don't lie*

[Yeah, there is no way you can escape the Shakira tune now, is it?]

Nina: *right after Maggie has completely entered* Okay, let's drop him here.

Maggie: The couch is right th-

Nina: *drops Crowley's ankles* He can find the couch himself. As far as I am concerned, the floor suits him just fine.

Crowley: The service her' is terr-terrib-bluh!

Nina: Yeah, well, feel free to contact customer service and leave one star.

Crowley: *raising an invisible glass* Happeh to. *threatens to throw up*

Maggie: *to Crowley* Will you be alright?

Crowley: No-PUHHHH.

Muriel: *runs from God knows where towards the group* Oh my God, how is he?

Nina: Same as yesterday. And the day before that. I think he has an alcohol problem.

Muriel: You can be funny just looking at a bottle? Interesting.

Nina: More like looking at a dozen in three days but, who's counting? Certainly not him.

Crowley: *pointing a finger at the Sky* Ya' owe meh a f***ing 'usical!

Muriel: How can I help him?

Nina: You can't. Not really. He has to get through it by himself, as we all do at some point.

Muriel: I'm... confused. Is he... like... sick, or something?

Crowley: A mu-... A mu... si... *faints*

Maggie: Yeah, I believe you can call it that. It is... some kind of... sickness.

Muriel: Not a human sickness, then? *has forgotten she is, obviously, also a human called Inspector Constable* I-I mean, well-

Nina: Apparently, beings like him can catch those as well. Go figure.

Maggie: Maybe... Maybe put a blanket on him?

Nina: He does not deserve it, but yeah, you can do that.

Muriel: Okay, I'll... Sorry: what... is a blanket?

Nina: *sighs* I'm done for tonight. *leaves**comes back* Maggie?

Maggie: I... I think I'll stay for a while.

Nina: Right. It's not as if you had a shop to run in what? Five hours?

Maggie: You told me yourself nobody ever comes to my shop, so...

Nina: *shrugs her shoulders* Sorry, I'm too tired to apologize. Good night, everyone. *to Crowley* Not you. *slams the Bookshop's doors unintentionally*

[Awkward silence]

Maggie: *to Muriel* So... A blanket. It is... like, a, a cloud... but... rectangle.