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lilulo-12fanfiction · 4 years

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Rain Song- Chapter 2

Here is chapter 2! It’s another long one. It feels a little choppy to me, buuuut, I’m getting there. I don’t normally like to include so much from the original works, I like to create my own original content, but I think for the sake of setting up the rest of the story it’s kind of necessary. Also I had to include my favorite Hufflepuff in this story.

Thank you so much for all of your likes and the few comments I’ve gotten. It gives me motivation to keep going! If you would like to be tagged, please let me know!

Series Masterlist

Harry looked down at the girl he grasped in his hands. This must be her, she must be Hope. She matched Mr. Weasley's description precisely. Pale skin, rather short with curly blonde hair the color of dark thick honey. Well Mr. Weasley didn’t describe her hair quite like that, but all Harry could think of was thick, sweet honey when he looked at her hair. Her shiny spirals hung around her like a lion's mane and was wild in the best way possible. Harry could appreciate someone with wild hair. She had full lips that were parted in surprise. She looked up at him from under her lashes, her gray eyes wide. Mr. & Mrs. Weasley had pulled Harry, Ron & Hermione aside to tell them about Hope. She was starting at Hogwarts this year, but starting in her 3rd year. They mentioned she had been working an independent study as she was unable to attend in her first and second years. Professor Dumbledore had made an exception to allow her to start in the middle of her education. Arthur had mentioned to Harry that like him, Hope had lost both of her parents in the first Wizarding War and they had quite a bit in common. When Harry pushed for more information, Arthur had told him to get to know Hope. He urged him not to push her to open up though; she would need time. It was up to her to share her story with him. She had been in the back of Harry’s mind while Sirius Black claimed his immediate attention.

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed. A light shade of pink colored her cheeks and he could tell by her expression that something had her spooked. Harry internally groaned, The Boy Who Lived, flashed in his mind. He wanted, just for once, to meet someone who didn’t already who he was. She likely knew all about him and Voldemort while he had just heard of her this morning. "I should really watch where I'm going." She let out a nervous laugh.

"It's alright." Harry smiled. "There's a lot of us barreling into the castle right now." She was studying his face, it was like she was looking into his soul. He had never felt someone's gaze penetrate through him so sharply.

"Are you alright?" Her crystal grey eyes were flooded with concern. Was he alright? He had just passed out on a train after almost being attacked by a Dementor, but he wasn’t going to tell her that though he was positive she’d hear Malfoy making fun of him. Besides the intense embarrassment, he couldn't quite get the screams he heard out of his head. Before he could answer, Professor McGonagall was yelling for him and Hermione.

"Mr. Weasley-" McGonagall gave Ron a pointed look. "Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger will join you in The Great Hall. May I suggest you take Ms. Lupin with you to get settled down for the feast." Harry looked at Hope. Lupin... Professor RJ Lupin. She was related to him the man that had saved him on the train, their new Defense Professor, upon further thought he could see the resemblance between the two. He must be the Uncle that she grew up with. Harry had so many questions for her, but he didn’t know if he even had the right to ask them. Harry realized he was still holding on to her and let her go. She gave him a shy smile and waved at Ron slightly.

"Oi! Hope, it's been a long time. C'mon, we'll go get a seat. The food at the feast is wicked. Fred and George are excited to see you again. Ginny barely remembers you but she’s excited too." Ron gave Harry and Hermione an unsure look as he and Hope headed down to The Great Hall. Ron was curious as to what McGonagall wanted with his two best friends, but he decided to be happy he, for once, wasn't involved. Harry tried to watch the two of them as they walked away but Hermione was pulling him along the corridor to Professor McGonagall's office. ******************************************************************************** Dementors...Dementors on the train, Dementors on Hogwarts Grounds. Was that why Hope had been so sick the past week? The constant dread, desperation and despair she had been feeling would make sense. Was she overly sensitive to them? But then she realized those feelings started before she came to Hogwarts, it had just gotten more intense. Dementors...Dementors after her father. She felt panic rising within. She tried centering herself the way her Uncle had taught her. Dementors on the Hogwarts Express. It had been lucky that her Uncle Remus had ridden the train in. He had pushed them away. She could hear students at the Slytherin table making fun of Harry for passing out. She pursed her lips. Clearly the fools had no idea what being near a Dementor felt like. She knew why Harry had reacted so strongly, he knew emotion pain more than most people their age. Hope knew that many of their peers had lived charmed lives. Dementors fed on fear, Harry had plenty of reasons to be afraid. Her heart sunk again when she thought of her father, surrounded by them for 12 years. She shouldn't feel sorry for him. She should hate him. He killed so many Muggles and her father's best friend. He had abandoned her mother and her cause to side with the darkest wizard they had ever known. Yet it was the stories of his youth that she clung to. He had been a good person. He turned his back on all that Voldemort had believed in. The only person that could give her the answers her heart so desperately craved was her father. He wasn’t exactly accessible. She was jerked out of her own mind as Ron snapped his fingers in front of her face. George and Fred were sitting on each side of her and the 3 freckles boys were looking at her expectantly.

“Wait- what?” Her face flooded with embarrassment.

“We must be so handsome she can’t think straight Fred.”

“I reckon George.” Hope rolled her eyes.

“You two are pathetic.” Ginny scoffed and it made Hope giggle. Fred and George both grinned at Ginny and then Fred shot Hope a wink and she burst out laughing. They had just finished sorting the 1st years. It appeared that Ron was going to re-ask Hope his question as Harry and who Hope assumed was Hermione came rushing in quickly. It didn’t go unnoticed that the students around the hall were whispering about Harry. She could see the discomfort scrawled all over his face. Hermione gave Hope a bright smile.

“Harry, Hermione- this is Hope Lupin.”

“Lupin? Are you related to our new Professor?” Hermione questioned.

“He’s my uncle. He’s a really wonderful teacher. I think you’re going to really like him. I say that from a completely unbiased place. Actually Hermione, we’re meant to be roommates.” Hermione’s face lit up at the idea of having a real friend in the room. She often felt left out with Lavender and Pavarti. Hermione always wanted a really close female friend.

“Well seeing as how our last Professor was a useless lying git and the other was housing Voldemort in the back of his head, I reckon your Uncle won’t have to work hard to win us over.” Hope looked slowly over at Harry and he thought maybe he had offended her until he was a twinkle in her eye.

“What exactly goes on in this school?” Hope’s laugh rang out like a bell and Harry grinned at her.

“We may have some stories.” Hope felt relaxed for the first time in weeks. She glanced up at Remus and he was looking at her fondly. As she shifted her eyes, she saw Severus Snape’s intently watching her. Harry could see the smile melting off of Hope’s face. “What’s wrong.”

“Snape. He’s-“

“A creepy bloke?” Ron offered.

“Why is he staring at me like that?”

“Probably because you’re sitting with me and he hates me.” Harry offered. Hope was about to tell them how uneasy he made her feel when she met with him last week but she was interrupted by Dumbledore.

“Welcome!” said Dumbledore, the candlelight shimmering on his beard. For the short time Hope had known Dumbledore, she realized she could listen to him speak forever. He had such a calming way about him. Harry was watching Hope watch Dumbledore. He could see the admiration in her eyes. The grey simmered into almost a silver color. He wondered if that’s how they always looked when she was content.

“Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast. . . .” Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued, “As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business.” Hope could sense Dumbledore’s displeasure with the presence of the Dementors. She focused her attention on his words.“ They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds,” Dumbledore continued, “and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises — or even Invisibility Cloaks,” he added blandly, and Harry and Ron glanced at each other. “It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul of the dementors,” he said. Hope noticed the look that had pass between Ron and Harry as Harry’s face flushed slightly.

“On a happier note,” he continued, “I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. “First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.” While her Uncle was met with mediocre applause, Hope knew he would soon win them over, he really was a wonderful teacher. She heard Rob whisper about Snape and she flicked her eyes back into his direction. A look of pure loathing had encompassed his face. Hope felt a defensiveness brewing inside of her. Her uneasiness regarding Professor Snape increased ten fold.

She felt Fred bump her shoulder to get her attention. “Don’t worry about Snape. He’s a git.” She looked over at him and he grinned. She felt a crack in the tension she was holding on to and she smiled back. The Gryffindor table erupted into applause as Dumbledore announced their new Magical Creatures Professor.

Hope hadn’t gotten the chance to meet Hagrid as she spent her last week in the hospital wing. Her eyes traveled to his spot at the table. He was at least twice the size of any normal man. He had a mass of wild black hair and beard that made it hard to see his face, but Hope could see his kind eyes and his joyous smile. She was disappointed she didn’t get to meet him yet.

“You’ll love Hagrid.” Hermione smile at Hope.

“I can’t wait to meet him.” Suddenly the golden plates in front of them filled with food. If Hope thought the food while she was here was amazing, she hadn’t seen anything yet. She took her fill of roast chicken and beef, potatoes and enough gravy she could swim in it. She hadn’t realized how ravenous she was. A week of being almost utterly unconscious had that effect. Hope happily stayed silent listening to those around her chatter about their holidays.

As Hope was tucking into her chocolate cake, as a tall and thin red headed boy with an assortment of freckles and horned rimmed glasses approached. Clearly another member of the Weasley clan. His haughtiness radiated from him. “Hello Hope. I’m not if I’d you remember me. I’m Percy Weasley. I am your Gryffindor Head Boy.”

“Merlin Perce! We had NO IDEA you were Head Boy!” George was quick to exclaim sardonically.

“I cannot believe you didn’t mention it at all this summer” Fred interjected. Hope didn’t think Percy’s pinched expression could get any tighter but she was wrong. Harry and Ron were trying not to laugh.

“I mean the red hair did give you away. It’s very nice to see you again Percy.” Hope tried time make him feel better. That seemed to satisfy his irritation, if only slightly.

“I just want you to know that should you need help making sure you abide by the rules of Hogwarts, I’m available. I’m not one to make exceptions for House members. Especially those who don’t think the rules apply to them.” She watched as Percy’s glare traveled between the twins, Harry and Ron.

“I will...keep that in mind. I did spend the last two weeks here with Professor McGonagall so she could get me up to speed. Should I find myself unsure, I’ll make sure I find you.”

“Excellent.” He turned on his heel and headed back to where he came from. Fred and George were beside themselves with laughter.

“He’s such an uptight git. Did you see how he was looking at us!” Ron was incredulous.

“I dunno Ron. I’ve only been with you lot for a couple of hours and I feel like his assessment might have been earned.” Harry could listen to Hope’s loud and barky laugh all night. It consumed her completely.

“She’s not wrong.” Harry shrugged.

“Yeah alright.” Ron agreed with a laugh.

“I’m really looking forward to hearing more stories.” Hopes eyes gleamed. Harry was anxious to get to know more about Hope. He wanted to ask her how exactly they were connected and why she hadn’t attended Hogwarts for their first two years. He didn’t want to ask in front of everyone else. He watched as she stood. “I’m going to go see my Uncle, he’s just left the teacher’s table. I’ll see you guys back in the common room. They all waved as she headed down the length of the table and out of the hall.

“She seems really great.” Hermione chirped. “I’m excited to get to know her.”

“She may give you a run for your money Hermione . Dad says she’s ruddy brilliant, especially in charms” Ron raised his eyebrows in challenge at Hermione.

“Well good! Maybe I’ll finally have someone that can keep up with me academically!” Hermione jumped from the table and stalked out of the hall. Harry groaned in response. They hadn’t been back at Hogwarts for a full day yet and Ron and Hermione were already at it.

“C’mon Ron, let’s go.” Harry stood and the two friends headed out of the Great Hall to the Gryffindor common room, Harry’s thoughts firmly on the mystery that was Hope Lupin.

********************************************************************************

Hope hurried down the corridors to get to her Uncle’s office. She wanted to hear more about the dementors and see him before class tomorrow.

“Excuse me, Ms. Lupin, you’re headed in the wrong direction. Your house common room is the other way.” Hope stopped in her tracks at the cold sound of Severus Snape’s voice.

“I’m stopping down to see my Uncle before curfew. I was unable to speak with him before the feast.” Snape’s penetrating gaze caused a shiver down her spine.

“Very well. Just know that just because your Uncle is on the staff at Hogwarts it does not mean you will get preferential treatment.”

“Sir, I would never ask for such a thing. In all honesty I just want to be treated like everyone else.” Snape considered her.

“And yet, you immediately made friends with Harry Potter.” Hope’s face contorted.

“I know the Weasley family. They happen to be friends with Harry. And I’m sure that you know that Lily Potter and MY mother were quite close.” Snape studied her for a moment. She may look like a carbon copy of her mother, but the defiance burning in her eyes was that of Sirius Black.

“You better move along or you will break your curfew.” Hope didn’t give it a second thought as she hurried down the hall. She didn’t like how Snape studied her. She felt like she was underneath a microscope. She approached her Uncle’s door and knocked loudly. She heard him yell to come in and she swung the door open. He was in the midst of unpacking his belongings.

“Uncle Remus!” She exclaimed and ran into his embrace. He held her tightly for a moment and then pulled back to study her.

“You had me so worried. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, yes I’m fine. Whatever Professor Snape brought me seemed to help. I actually slept last night without any dreams. Dumbledore mentioned that it wasn’t something I could take all of the time. Which is a shame.” Remus smiled.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’m not sure what the potion was exactly but I’m happy it helped. I wanted so badly to get here and be with you.”

“Uncle Remus I was asleep most of the time. You wouldn’t have been able to do anything. I’m fine now. Please don’t worry.” Remus looked down at her fondly. “I missed you very much.”

“I missed you too. Thank you so much for the Owl. I’ve named it Nox. I thought it was fitting.”

“You’re very welcome. I’m glad to see you fitting in with your housemates.” Her smile was glowing. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw her this happy, but it had been a while.

“Oh! The Dementors!” She exclaimed. “I can’t believe they were on the train. It must have been awful. Harry was lucky you were with them. Do- do you think their presence could be what caused me to have such a horrible reaction?” Remus considered this for a moment. He could only wish that was the reason, any alternative wasn’t something he liked. His fear was that it was Sirius that was causing her issues. The darkness she continued to see, her more morose attitude since he had escaped caused Remus great concern. Her eyes were brighter and she seemed back to her lighter demeanor. No doubt Snape’s potion was responsible for that.

“It could be. We can’t be sure. We’ll just have to take it one day at a time. If you start feeling that badly you must tell me at once.”

“It was strange, it came on really strong. I could feel a headache approaching after my session with Professor Snape, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I just assumed that I would have a nasty headache the next day. But then it took me over and I was so sick. It was quite awful. But Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore were wonderful. As was Madam Pomfrey. Even Professor Snape showed concern. Once I could eat the House Elves were thrilled to have someone to tend to.”

“I had no doubt that you were in excellent hands.” He watched as something passed through Hope’s eyes. “What is it darling?”

“Professor Dumbledore brought me a couple of pictures. There was one of you and Mum while you were at Hogwarts. It’s a lovely picture. Then there was another.” She looked down for a moment and looked back up at Remus. He gave her a moment to collect her thoughts. “I was sitting with Lily and Harry was with my mother. James and my father were standing behind us. We all looked so happy.” Hope looked deflated. Remus knew the exact photo she was referring to. Nora had it in a frame on a bookshelf. Albus must have gone to her home after he delivered Harry to the Dursley home. It was like Albus to save things he thought Hope might want later on. Remus hadn’t been able to renter Nora’s home after she died. Albus and some of the remaining Order members had done it for him. He wondered what else Dumbledore had stashed. Remus flooded with concern as he saw Hope’s grey eyes water.

“What is it darling?” He was questioning Dumbledore’s timing of the picture.

“I just...I can reconcile the man from that photo and the mass murder that everyone is so scared of. I just want to know what happened. I need to know what made him do what he did. He loved us. I could see it in his eyes in that picture. I just wish I could talk to him, just once.” He watched as she closed her eyes for a moment. Remus felt alarm bells ringing in his brain. He pulled Hope over to the chairs in his office and sat her down. He took the seat across from her and she watches as he leaned forward, his head in his hands. When he finally looked up at her, she saw his eyes filled with fear.

“Hope- I know this is difficult. Merlin knows that I know. I have the same questions that you have. I would give anything to get the answers not only for you, but for myself too. You MUST promise me that you will NOT go looking for your father. He is dangerous. I don’t know what kind of state that he is in, but 12 years in Azkaban surrounded by dementors? I cant imagine he is stable.”

“Uncle Remus-“ Hope started but he stopped her.

“PROMISE ME!” Hope jumped. In her almost 14 years of life she couldn’t remember him ever yelling at her.

“Okay, I promise!” She blinked back tears. She wouldn’t even know how to find her father. It wasn’t like she’d be leaving castle grounds any time soon anyway.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t allow you to get hurt. I wouldn’t survive if something happened to you. I’m afraid I need you just as much as you need me.” Hope felt guilt flood her. This man gave up his whole life to take care of her. He loved her so much. Not one day in her life did she feel like the orphan she was.

“Uncle Remus you will not lose me. I promise that I won’t do anything reckless. I just, I guess I can’t help but to be curious.”

“I know darling, I know.” He went to say more but there was another knock at the door. Remus stood and walked over and opened the door.

“Good evening Professor Lupin, Professor McGonagall asked me to come fetch Hope so she was back in time for curfew. She apologizes for interrupting.” Hermione stood on the other side of the door.

“Of course, of course. Do you mind giving us just. moment?” Hermione nodded. Remus walked back over to Hope, who was now standing.

“We can talk more about this tomorrow.” The tension in his voice had melted a away.

“I don’t think there is much more to discuss. It’s alright. Please don’t worry Uncle Remus. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay darling. Go back to your common room and get some rest I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hope hugged him one more time and felt him kiss the top of her head.”

“Good night.” She quickly headed out into the hall to meet Hermione.

“Ready?” Hope smiled and Hermione nodded. “So what are Lavender and Pavarti like?”

“They’re...fine...the two of them are very close. They’re best friends.” Hermione’s voice was clipped. Hope scrunched her forehead. Clearly there must have been some strain in the relationship between her new roommates. Hope stopped walking and took Hermione’s wrist.

“Hermione, I’ve- I’ve never had any true friends. I grew up in a predominantly muggle town. It was on the beach so most of the kids only came in the summer. There were a handful of kids who lived there all year ‘round. But I was always the weird girl that was homeschooled and spent all of her time drawing. I’d- I’d really like it if we could try to be friends.” Hermione beamed at her. There was something about Hermione that set Hope at ease. That was one of the best things about being what she was, she could almost always tell if someone was trustworthy or not.

“I would really like that. If I’m being honest, I don’t always have the easiest time making friends. Harry and Ron are my best friends, but it would be really nice to have a close girlfriend.” Hope linked her arm through Hermione’s.

“It’s settled then. We’ll be best girlfriends and you can tell me about all of the ridiculous things Ron and Harry have done. I’ve known Ron for a long time, so I can only imagine.” Hermione laughed along with Hope, feeling lighter than she had earlier in the evening.

********************************************************************************

Everything had been a whirlwind after Hope and Hermione had returned to the Gryffindor common room. Once they arrived, they had said a quick goodnight to Ron and Harry and hurried off to bed. They spent breakfast the next morning consoling Harry over Malfoy’s jeers. Hope looked at Malfoy curiously. Tonks was right on her assessment of him. Though Hope did enjoy hearing about how he ran and hid from the dementors in George and Fred’s compartment. Then there had been Divinations. Sybil Trewlawney was a hack and Hope was insulted by her farce of a class. The whole set up was a joke. While she possibly had a small talent in sight, any Seer worth their salt didn’t behave that way. But announcing that Harry’s tea leaves showed a Grimm had their entire class on edge. McGonagall was trying to show off her Animagus form, but no one seemed to care. Hope had taken the seat next to Harry. She could see he was nervous, she bumped his shoulder with hers and smiled at him to try and make him feel better. His return smile didn't reach his eyes. She knew his thoughts were on her father. Arthur Weasley had told him that Sirius Black was most likely trying to find Harry to kill him as he was in the way of Voldemort's return.

“Really, what has got into you all today?” said Professor McGonagall, turning back into herself with a faint pop and staring around at them all. “Not that it matters, but that’s the first time my transformation’s not got applause from a class.” Hope smirked. Professor McGonagall was definitely going to be her favorite teacher. Everybody’s heads turned toward Harry again, but nobody spoke. Then Hermione raised her hand.

“Please, Professor, we’ve just had our first Divination class, and we were reading the tea leaves, and —”

“Ah, of course,” said Professor McGonagall, suddenly frowning. “There is no need to say any more, Miss Granger. Tell me, which of you will be dying this year?” Everyone stared at her. Hope could barely contain her laughter at this point. The Sardonic expression on McGonagall's face was too perfect.

“Me,” said Harry, finally as he slumped in his chair.

“I see,” said Professor McGonagall, “Then you should know, Potter, that Sybill Trelawney has predicted the death of one student a year since she arrived at this school. None of them has died yet. Seeing death omens is her favorite way of greeting a new class. If it were not for the fact that I never speak ill of my colleagues —” Hope quirked an eyebrow as Professor McGonagall broke off, and she saw that her nostrils had gone white. She went on, more calmly, “Divination is one of the most imprecise branches of magic. I shall not conceal from you that I have very little patience with it. True Seers are very rare, and Professor Trelawney —” When she mentioned True Seers being rare her gaze fixed on Hope. Hope could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. She stopped again, and then said, in a very matter-of-fact tone, “You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don’t let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in.” Hope could'nt contain herself anymore, her barky laugh echoed throughout the room, which apparently had pleased Professor McGonagall. Harry seemed to lighted slightly. Hope felt Harry's eyes on her and she glanced in his directions.

"Are you okay? You look kind of flushed."

"What? Oh, yes I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little warm, that's all." Hope turned her attention back to Professor McGonagall, feeling Harry's eyes linger on her for a few moments longer.

Later that evening, Hope sat in the common room looking into the fire. The calmness of her mind had ebbed and flowed back into liquid filled black and anguish. Snape's potion had started to wear off. She had a headache. Transfiguration had been followed by a lunch where Hermione and Ron had argued back and forth about how reliable Trewlawney and Divination was. Harry had apparently seen a black dog so Ron was convinced he was going to die. Hope had been slightly wounded by some of the things Hermione had said about Divination. Would she think Hope was a hack if she found out? Would she still want to be friends with her? Hope rubbed the spot in between her eyebrows trying to assuage her headache.

Care of Magical Creatures had included sniping between Harry and Malfoy, Buckbeak the beautiful Hippogriff and then Malfoy getting himself attacked by it. '"My father will hear about this" echoed in her brain. It didn't bode well for Hagrid or Buckbeak. She had wanted to punch Malfoy for his making fun of Harry and the dementors, but she didn't want to tangle with Malfoy if it could be avoided. At least Buckbeak got a few hits in. The stress of Hagrid's class had carried over to dinner. Harry, Hermione and Ron had gone to see Hagrid. Hope had opted to stay behind even after the three begged her to go and meet Hagrid. She really wasn't feeling well and needed a break from the bickering.

Her thoughts traveled back to her father. She was still unsure about what she was feeling. She had the picture of her and Harry's family in her hand. He seemed so carefree, and happy. Hope was obsessed with figuring out what exactly had gone wrong. She couldn't stand it. Hope slid the picture into her Transfiguration book when she heard the portrait swing open. Dean Thomas had stepped through.

"Uh...Hope...there's someone outside for you." Hope's brow furrowed. Who would be coming to see her that couldn't enter the Griffyndor common room? She didn't really have any friends yet outside of her housemates.

"Thanks Dean." She slid her Transfiguration book into her bag and left it next to her chair. She made her way to the portrait and slowly climbed out. Standing there was a tall and extremely handsome young man with chiseled features, dark hair, and bright blue-grey eyes. Hope felt something bubble within her stomach.

"Hey Hope." The boy had one of the most charming smiles she had ever seen, as it reached his eyes, the skin around them crinkled. "I'm Cedric Diggory. Madam Hooch asked me to give you some flying lessons. She said you've never been on a broom before?"

"That's correct. And I would really appreciate any lessons." Hope was willing herself not to blush, but she knew it was a futile attempt. His eyes bore into hers and she swore she could drown in them. They reminded her of the ocean back home.

"Excellent. Tomorrow afternoon? Meet me on the training grounds. We can have our first lesson before my Quidditch practice."

"Sounds good." Hope glanced away from a moment, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, nice meeting you." He reached out and squeezed her upper arm so she would make eye contact again and delivered his million dollar smile. "Goodnight Hope."

"Night Cedric..." Her voice trailed off. As she was watching him walk away, Harry, Hermione and Ron were heading towards her. Harry had a pinched expression.

"Your face is all red again Hope." He commented and Hermione grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"That's because she was talking to Cedric." Hermione teased.

"What did he want?" Ron had crossed his arms in front of him. Hope cleared her throat.

"Madam Hooch asked Cedric to give me flying lessons."

“Why wouldn’t she just ask Harry? He’s in your house and is the best flyer at the school.” Ron gave Hope an accusatory look which caused her to extensively roll her eyes.

“Maybe she heard about Trelawney’s prediction and is afraid he’ll be dead by then.” Hope threw her arms up. Harry started laughing. “I don’t bloody know! I was too sick mysecond week here to meet with her myself.” Hope realized what she had said but it was too late to take it back.

“Sick? Sick with what?” Harry’s face flooded with concern. Hope sighed, her loose lips would cause her to lie to her new friends again.

“I just- I get bad headaches. Potions don’t really help. I had a nasty few days before school started. That’s all. Can we go in?” Hope hurried into the common room, missing the looks shared between the three and their silent communication that signaled that they didn’t exactly believe her.

The next day had been another hectic day. Potions had been awful. Snape, ever the menace, had terrorized poor Neville. Hope and Hermione had gotten in trouble for helping Neville fix his potion so Snape wouldn’t poison his poor toad. But the things that Draco had said to needle Harry were fresh in her mind. Hope continued to question why Harry would want revenge on her father? Was there something else she didn’t know or what it just Draco being a jerk? Both possibilities were likely, It was hard to tell. She didn’t want to ask Remus. She didn’t know if he would be truthful. She was extremely proud of him though. He had knocked the Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson out of the park. Snape dressed like Neville’s gran was the highlight of the class, though Hope was sure that it would get back to Snape and Neville would b e made to pay for it. It didn’t go unnoticed by her that he prevented not only Harry but also herself from facing the Boggart. No one seemed to notice his was the full moon. Hope thought on what her boggart would be. At first, she thought it would be her father, but deep down, she knew it was herself. She was terrified of who she would become.

“You shouldn’t take your flying lesson so seriously.” Hope hadn’t even heard Cedric approach. She really had to stop getting so lost in herself, this was not the first time today someone had caught her off guard. She had missed a whole monologue of Hermione’s as she was focused on the images in her mind. Black painted canvases with slashed through it.

“Sorry, I was just overthinking.”

“You seem to do that a lot.” Cedric has his hand on the back of his neck as he looked down at her.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You seem to get wrapped up in your own thoughts in the Great Hall. I pay attention.” Hope found herself trying to stifle another blush.

“I didn’t think I was so interesting.”

“You’re very interesting. You just don’t pay enough attention to realize it.” She scoffed. Cedric decided to not continue to push. “Your Uncle is a bloody brilliant teacher.” Hope beamed at his comment.

“Isn’t he?”

“I mean we’ve had some bad defense professors.” Hope’s laugh filled the air.

“So I’ve heard.” Cedric smiled brightly.

“You should do that more often. Your laugh is incredible.” Was he flirting with her? Hope grew slightly sheepish.

“Thanks Cedric.” There was absolutely no way her face wasn’t flaming red at this point.

“You’re welcome. So, let’s get started yeah?”

Cedric managed to teach her to get the broom in her hand, mount it and slightly hover above the ground. Actually taking off wasn’t going to happen. She was too nervous. Cedric made her nervous. Being up in the air was also terrifying to her.

“C’mon Hope...where’s that Griffyndor courage I hear so much about, eh?” He was standing behind her and whispered it in her ear. She felt goose bumps erupt over her skin. She was not about tolet some boy get the best of her. She elbowed him in the stomach, not too hard, but enough to throw him off his game.

“Oh shut It Diggory.” She spun around with a hand on her hip starring him down as he was slightly hunched over from her elbow to the stomach, but he was laughing.

“Oi, Hope! Are you guys almost done? I’ll wait for you so we can head back to the common room together.” Harry came jogging over, glancing between Hope and Cedric. His messy hair still damp from the showers after Quidditch practice. Hope was grateful for the interruption. She wasn’t sure how she felt about Cedric Diggory as of yet. While he was certainly handsome and very charming, but he was probably like that with every girl he spoke to. She wasn’t about to let herself fall into that.

“Am I done Diggory?”

“Actually yes, I think that’s enough for today. We’ll try again next week.” Cedric has straightened up since Harry had come over. “Have a good night Lupes.” The nick name hung in the air as he clapped Harry on the shoulder and headed towards the Quidditch pitch to start his practice. Harry had his eyebrows raised.

“Lupes?”

“Cedric thinks he’s cute.” Hope make an exaggerated eye roll. Harry was starting to like that expression as much as her smile.

“Do you think he’s cute.” Hope scoffed and shoved Harry slightly.

“Oh shut it.” She linked her arm in is. “C’mon, lets walk to the common room, you can tell me all about your Quidditch practice.

“Alright.” Harry gave Hope a slight smile and tried to ignore that she didn’t answer his question. He liked spending time with Hope, she was captivating, smart and really witty. He wished she would open up more. He knew she was guarded. He knew there was something she wasn’t telling him. He didn’t think he liked her, liked her. But he also didn’t like the idea of her hanging out with Cedric. Cedric could win anyone over. She was laughing as he was giving her his best Oliver Wood impression as they approached the common room. Everyone was excited over Hogsmeade weekend. Hope bumped her shoulder into Harry’s as she often did to get his attention. She could see his good mood had deflated.

“If you can’t go, I’ll stay back with you.” Hope offered. She really didn't even mind, she liked hanging out with Harry. While Hogsmeade would be fun, she didn't want him to be alone.

“Hope, you don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t be stuck here because I can’t go.”

“It’s not a big deal. I only really want to go to Honey Dukes. I’m dying to stock up on some candy. I have a killer sweet tooth.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” Harry smirked at her. Hopes diet consisted of at least one piece of chocolate cake a day. She was always snacking on something sweet. She shot him a glare.

“Git...” They both laughed. “I mean it, I can literally just give Hermione a list and some money. I know she’ll get everything.”

“Maybe McGonagall will say I can go if I talk to her about explain about my Uncle.” Though Harry knew neither he or Hope really believed that she would. The rest of the evening was filled with homework and Ron and Hermione arguing over Crookshanks. It ended ubruptly with the cat trying to attack Ron’s rat. The tension between them carried on into the next day.

****************************************************************************

”Really Harry! I don’t mind staying behind with you.” Hope felt awful. Harry had been bummed out for days. As expected, McGonagall had shot him down.

“If you stay behind, I’ll just feel worse. Go, really, it’ll be fine." He gave her a light shove towards Ron and Hermione. “I’ll see you for the feast” he yelled after her. Harry didn’t want to ruin her day at Hogsmeade. She had missed out on her first two years at Hogwarts, he didn’t want her to miss this. Hope had become very good friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione. Harry liked how close she and Hermione had gotten. He knew it was good for both of them. There was still something she was holding back, he knew it, they all knew it. They also knew she wasn't ready to tell them everything yet. As much has Harry wanted to sit her down and beg her to spill her guts, he refrained. Arthur Weasley's advice to let her open up in her own time still rang in his mind. They did, however, ask why she hadn't started at Hogtwarts with them. She had told them that her grandfather had been seriously ill when they were in their first and second years at Hogwarts. She had decided to stay with him and Remus as she knew he was close to passing.. He had died half way through their second year. That summer, Dumbledore had suggested that both Remus and Hope come to Hogwarts. Something about the story seemed off to Harry, but he didn’t know how to bring it up. Harry headed back to the common room, contemplating the mystery that was Hope Lupin.

Hope walked arm in arm with Hermione and Ron, guilt flooding her. She hated leaving Harry behind. Ron tried to reassure her that everything would be okay. He didn't like leaving Harry behind either, but his friend was too proud to be okay with them not going and staying with him.

“He’ll be alright. We’ll bring him back loads of stuff.” Ron quipped. Hope tried to put her guilt to the back of her mind. She was happy to be going. Truth be told, she wasn’t sure Remus would even let her. Her father had been sighted by a muggle not that long ago and she was worried he would want to keep her on the castle grounds. Hope felt another twinge of guilt. This time because she still hadn’t told her 3 friends the truth about who she really was. The guilt was eating away at her. She just couldn't find the right time, or the right words. She could imagine Harry's eyes filling with disgust at the blood that ran through her veins. She knew she would have to tell them eventually. She hated lying and she really wasn't great at it either.

They went from shop to shop. The three had decided to hit Honeydukes last so they could bring Harry a bunch of treats and not have to carry them all throughout Hogsmeade. After a considerable amount of time with George and Fred in Zonko’s Joke Shop; Ron, Hermione and Hope made their way to The Three Broomsticks. As they walked in, it was packed with Hogwarts students and members of the magical community alike. They had been sitting at a table enjoying their butter beers when the chatter started. The words came swooping around Hope and overwhelmed her. “Sirius Black is a murderer. Sirius Black wants to kill Harry Potter. Sirius Black is a monster. He’s Dangerous. Muggle Killer. Death Eater.”

Hope got up quickly and bolted out the door. The pain on her head had been a minor irritation as of late, even if the blackness still swirled about. Hearing her fathers name over and over like a chant and everything the had done had been too much. It felt like her skull was splitting in two. She made her way over to a bench at an empty area near the pub and sank down. She couldn’t do this anymore. It was too hard. Hope felt a wave of intense sadness push through her. As she looked up and blinked back her tears, she could have sworn she saw a black dog in the distance, but when she wiped her eyes there was nothing there.

“Hope! There you are! What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing!” Ron sat down next to her, soon followed by Hermione.

“I can’t.” She shook her head started to cry. “You’ll hate me. Harry will hate me too.” Hermione wrapped her arms around her friend.

“You are our friend. We couldn’t ever hate you.” She tried to comfort Hope. “Seriously Hope, you’re one of us.”

“You- you cant tell Harry. I have to tell him on my own.”

“We won’t.” Ron jumped in. Hermione nodded in agreement.

“I- Sirius Black is my father.” Hermione and Ron both froze for a moment. They knew she was keeping some secrets, but neither one of them had expected that. No one ever mentioned Sirius Black having a child. Hope took a deep breath and blurted out everything. Who her mother was, what her mother was, what Hope was. How her Uncle had given up his life to take care of her. How he kept her from Hogwarts to protect her, terrified that Voldemort's followers would come looking for her too.

“You’re, you’re a Seer?” was the first thing Hermione could ask. “Merlin Hope! I’m so sorry. I said all of those horrible things about Divination." Hermione felt absolutely awful. She knew there were actual seers, but that class was just so ridiculous. Never in a million years did Hermione think she knew a seer. The regret was painted all over Hermione's face.

“No Hermione don’t apologize - that class is awful. My mother was never like that. I’m not like that. I don’t know if I’m a ‘true seer’ like McGonagall said. I don’t get clear visions yet. But my mother...she was the real deal. That’s why they killed her. Because she wouldn’t help Voldemort.” Hermione still had her arm wrapped around Hope. “You don’t hate me because my father is a murderer? They say-“

“They say a lot of things Hope. It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault what he did. You’re a good person and a good friend. That’s what matters. That’s all that will matter to Harry.” Ron offered her a smile.

“You think so?”

“Definitely. C’mon- let’s hit Honeydukes before we have to go back.”

“Hope, just, tell Harry soon. He’d want to hear it from you.” Hermione helped Hope to her feet. She knew a secret like this could crack wide open. Harry wouldn't be upset that she was the daughter of Sirius Black, he would be upset if Hope didn't tell him and he found out that Ron and Hermione knew.

“I will. I promise.”

“A nasty temper he’s got...that Sirius Black” They had been having a perfectly lovely evening at the feast, Hope laughing audibly about the idea of Snape openly poisoning her Uncle, pointing out how ridiculous Harry and Ron were being. They enjoyed the wonderful food at the feast and told Ron stories of what Muggle Halloween was like. Now they were standing in front of the Gryffindor Common Room with the Fat Lady’s portrait slashed by her father. Hope had unknowingly gripped Harry’s hand. Harry had assumed she was just scared at the prospect of Sirius Black being in the castle.

"It'll be okay. We'll be safe." Harry had whispered in Hope's ear. If he only knew why she was so freaked out. She had wanted to tell him tonight, but now, there was no way. The entire student body was being whisked away to The Great Hall while the teachers searched the school. She hadn’t even gotten to speak with her Uncle. They had locked eyes, concern flooding his face, but now he was gone. Harry, Hope, Ron and Hermione had pulled their sleeping bags over to a corner. Percy’s “holier than thou” attitude grating on their nerves

All around them, people were asking one another the same question: “How did he get in?” “Maybe he knows how to Apparate,” said a Ravenclaw a few feet away. “Just appear out of thin air, you know.” “Disguised himself, probably,” said a Hufflepuff fifth year. “He could’ve flown in,” suggested Dean Thomas.

Hope's headache was overtaking her again. She was afraid she was going to get sick like she had prior to the start of the term. She felt frantic. She had to figure out how to get clear visions like her mother had. Maybe if she could really figure out how to use her Seer abilities, she wouldn't feel so awful all of the time. But who was there for her to go to? Trewlawney? That was a joke. Hope could feel Harry's eyes on her, but she didn't dare make any sort of eye contact with him. Luckily Hermione went on a rant that distracted them all.

“Honestly, am I the only person who’s ever bothered to read Hogwarts: A History?” said Hermione crossly to Harry and Ron.

“Probably,” said Ron. “Why?”

“Because the castle’s protected by more than walls, you know,” said Hermione. “There are all sorts of enchantments on it, to stop people entering by stealth. You can’t just Apparate in here. And I’d like to see the disguise that could fool those dementors. They’re guarding every single entrance to the grounds. They’d have seen him fly in too. And Filch knows all the secret passages, they’ll have them covered. . . .”

“The lights are going out now!” Percy shouted. “I want everyone in their sleeping bags and no more talking!” Hope was grateful for the silence. She was laying on her stomach in between Harry and Hermione. She was taking deep breaths to calm the anxiety pumping through her veins. She could sense the blackness ready to take over once again. She snapped her eyes open when she felt someone place their hand over hers. Harry's green eyes were staring back, filled with concern.

"You okay?" He mouthed to her, not wanting to draw Percy's attention. She nodded her head. He squeezed her hand to reassure her. She expected him to pull it away, but he didn't. She felt guilt flooding back in. He had been such a good friend to her since she got to Hogwarts and all she had done was lie to him. If Percy wasn't such an annoying git she could have pulled him to a back corner of The Great Hall and told him everything. Instead, they laid in silence with his hand over hers. He was trying to comfort her while every knew that the reason Sirius Black had come to Hogwarts was to get to him. Hope couldn’t help but wonder if he was there to see her too. The idea that he was only there to murder a teenage boy and not to see his daughter was too much for her to bear.

Once every hour, a teacher would reappear in the hall to check that everything was quiet. Around three in the morning, when many students had finally fallen asleep, Professor Dumbledore came in. Harry and Hope watched him looking around for Percy, who had been prowling between the sleeping bags, telling people off for talking. Percy was only a short way away from Harry and Hope who quickly pretended to be asleep as Dumbledore’s footsteps drew nearer.

“Any sign of him, Professor?” asked Percy in a whisper.

“No. All well here?”

“Everything under control, sir.”

“Good. There’s no point moving them all now. I’ve found a temporary guardian for the Gryffindor portrait hole. You’ll be able to move them back in tomorrow.”

“And the Fat Lady, sir?”

“Hiding in a map of Argyllshire on the second floor. Apparently she refused to let Black in without the password, so he attacked. She’s still very distressed, but once she’s calmed down, I’ll have Mr. Filch restore her.” They heard the door of the hall creak open again, and more footsteps.

“Headmaster?” It was Snape. Harry kept quite still, listening hard. “The whole of the third floor has been searched. He’s not there. And Filch has done the dungeons; nothing there either.”

“What about the Astronomy Tower? Professor Trelawney’s room? The Owlery?” “All searched . . .”

“Very well, Severus. I didn’t really expect Black to linger.”

“Have you any theory as to how he got in, Professor?” asked Snape.

“Many, Severus, each of them as unlikely as the next.”

“You remember the conversation we had, Headmaster, just before — ah — the start of term?” said Snape, who was barely opening his lips, as though trying to block Percy out of the conversation.

“I do, Severus,” said Dumbledore, and there was something like warning in his voice.

“It seems — almost impossible — that Black could have entered the school without inside help. I did express my concerns when you appointed —” Hope felt red hot anger pulse through veins. She knew exactly what Severus Snape was referring to. There was no way that her Uncle would help Sirius Black get into the castle. It was taking all of her self control to not jump up and scream at him.

“I do not believe a single person inside this castle would have helped Black enter it,” said Dumbledore, and his tone made it so clear that the subject was closed that Snape didn’t reply. “I must go down to the dementors,” said Dumbledore. “I said I would inform them when our search was complete.”

“Didn’t they want to help, sir?” said Percy.

“Oh yes,” said Dumbledore coldly. “But I’m afraid no dementor will cross the threshold of this castle while I am headmaster.”

******************************************************************************

It had been two weeks since Sirius Black broke into Hogwarts. Hope was leaning against the tree in front of the Black Lake furiously sketching. It was cold, but sunny and she missed sitting near the water. She desperately wanted her music. She couldn't figure out why her Discman wouldn’t work until Hermione explained muggle technology wouldn't work at Hogwarts because of all the magic. She had all but thrown it out the window. The itch in the back of her head ever present, she was desperate for her music to soothe her.

She had been very quiet since Halloween night, withdrawn almost. Hope had avoided being alone with Harry since the night Sirius broke into the castle. Hermione was urging her to tell Harry every day since and Hope had every intention of telling him on Halloween. Now, the longer she didn't tell him, the easier it was to keep the secret. Her Uncle had noticed the change in her, but she refused to talk about it. She had been pushing him away as well, something she had never done before. Even the other students could see the crack in their relationship. While he never showed Hope favoritism, their closeness was always apparent, She didn't want to talk to Remus about her father. She knew he wasn't being entirely honest and she didn't want to blow up at him. She didn't want to hear about how she couldn't go and search for him again, even if she wanted to, it would be impossible. The entire staff at Hogwarts had been put on red alert. She noticed teachers, prefects and Percy Weasley lurking around Hope and Harry frequently. The fact that she had gotten away to get some time alone at the black lake was astonishing. She had even blown off her flying lessons with Cedric, he tried to coax her out of her morose attitude but she completely shut him down. He had relented and said that he would be in touch to reschedule her lessons. He had a feeling it wouldn't be happening any time soon. Hope's ears perked up and she slammed the cover to her sketch book closes when she hears footsteps approaching. Before she could move another muscle, Harry was standing in front of her.

”Hey- hey Harry. I th-thought you had Quidditch practice.” she stumbled through the sentence, not prepared in the slightest to speak with him.

”Yeah I lied. You've been avoiding me and the only way you'd let your guard down and not hide from me is if you thought I was busy. Did I do something to upset you? You can just tell me, I wouldn't do it intentionally.” Hope took a deep breath and pat the grass next to her. Harry gratefully took a seat. ”Tell me what’s wrong.” His green eyes were pleading.

”You’re right. I've been avoiding you, but you didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I- I haven't been honest. I was going to tell you on Halloween, but then everything that happened ruined the chance and I've been avoiding it ever since.” Harry knew you had been holding back but he didn't want to interrupt you. ”My father is Sirius Black.” Harry blinked. He certainly hadn't been expecting that. ”He and my mother met at Hogwarts. She was a year younger than my Uncle Remus, she and my father met when she was sorted into Gryffindor. They fell in love and for a while they fought Voldemort together.” It didn't go unnoticed that she said Voldemort's name without even a flinch, Remus had done the same thing. Hope paused for a moment to collect herself. ”I-I don't know what happened. Everyone that knew him said that he rejected Voldemort's beliefs. He was this charismatic and charming boy. That he loved my mother and his friends fiercely. He was a Gryffindor through and through. The happiest he had ever been was when my mother was pregnant with me. They had been so happy, HE had been so happy. Then on the night that the Death Eaters killed my mother, he killed all of those muggles. And now he apparently is after you.” Hope was teetering on the edge of hysterical.

”Hope- why we're you afraid to tell me?” Harry didn't know what else to say to her. It was no wonder she was keeping that close to the vest. He knew that some of the other students wouldn't react favorably.

”I was afraid you’d hate me. Everyone- my uncle, Dumbledore, Fudge, they all think that it's better that no one knows. Not everyone knew that Sirius Black had a child. I was born in the middle of a war and my parents wanted to keep me safe, so very few knew. But I couldn't not tell you guys, you're my friends. I don't want to keep lying to you.”

”You told the other two already. That's why its everything has been so weird since then” Hope nodded.

”When we were in Hogsmeade. I didn't even plan on telling them. There were so many people talking about him at the Three Broomsticks and I just got so upset. I had to tell them at that point. Harry, I-I swear I was going to tell you that night and then after everything that happened...I just got really scared again.” Hope felt Harry slip his arm around her as she cried with her face in her hands.

”Hope, it's okay. Listen, loads of kids have parents that were involved with Voldemort. You're not responsible for what he did.”

”There’s more.” Hope took a few deep breaths to calm herself. ”Voldemort went after my mother for her specific skill set. Skills she passed on to me.”

”Hope, you're killing me with the suspense.” Harry joked. He saw a little smile crack through her tears.

”My mother was a seer. A true seer. Nothing like the rubbish Trewlawney spouts. She was excellent Harry. He wanted her to help him win the war. Instead of being with us, my father was out doing his bidding. My mother begged Remus to get me to safety. She stayed behind to hold them off. She knew she was going to die. She died for me.” Harry felt awful. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better, how do you make someone feel better about that?

”Wait, so you can see the future?” Hope scoffed.

”Not exactly. It's a skill you have to work at. I see flashes of things, but it's hard to pick out what will happen from what could happen. Most of what I see right now is about myself, people that are connected to me or people that I've come into contact with. I sometimes can get flashes of a person's memory. It's not all of the time. I've learned how to kind of block that. It was harder when I was a kid. My mother learned how to hone her abilities on her own. She was truly amazing from what I've been told. There must have been a seer in our family at some point. I, apparently, am not as good as my mother. I just can’t figure it out.”

“What is it like?”

“It-it’s...you know Muggle puzzles? It’s like someone dumped all of the pieces into a pile and I’m trying to put it together, but I don’t have the picture on the box to guide me. It’s just a jumbled mess. I get a lot of headaches. Nasty ones.”

“Is that why you were sick before the start of term?” Hope nodded her head.

“Since my father’s escape, all I can see is darkness, blackness. I get these intense feelings of anger- rage almost, sadness, anxiety, horrible depression, but it’s as if someone turned out the lights. Except one night. I saw a flash of purple and then a pair of eyes.”

“A pair of eyes?” Hope flipped open her sketch book to the picture of Harry’s eyes that she drew. She heard him suck in his breath. “You saw my eyes?” He ran his fingers over the picture. He didn’t know what he thought or what he was feeling.

“Yeah...for a while after, until the night I met you actually I saw you looking at me. It’s why I was so freaked out when we bumped into each other and I realized it was you that I had been seeing.”

“You’re really talented.”

“Thank you. Drawing has always helped me clear my head.”

“Can I see what you were drawing when I got here?” He watched her freeze for a moment and then she flipped to the front of the book. He was younger, cleaner, well fed and happy; but Harry knew it was Sirius Black. He was at a loss for words again.

“I just- why wasn’t I enough? Why wasn’t she enough for him? I just want answers that no one can give me.” She was crying again. Hope hated crying in front of anyone. She felt Harry’s arm get tighter around her. “I get these polarized stories about him and I can’t sort it out. I was- I was hoping he would want to find me. To see me, to explain why he did what he did. Maybe he had a reason, you know? But then he broke into the castle and did what he did. And I know he’s here for you and not me. He thinks if he gets rid of you that Voldemort will return. I don’t mean anything to him. I’m nothing. And yet, the idea of him getting hurt, of the dementors getting their hands on him, it tears me apart.”

“Hope- you’re not nothing. And I can tell, your Uncle is so proud of you. I can see it when he’s looking at you and when he talks about you. You’re everything. You’re brilliant and brave. You’re kind. Your friendship with Hermione has transformed her. It’s hard being friends with me and Ron. Now she has you too. Hope you’re one of us. So to hell with Sirius Black. He lost out on having an incredible daughter. You’re amazing and I’m honored that you’re one of my best friends. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting anything bad to happen to your parent, even after they did terrible things. That's normal.” Hope leaned her head on Harry’s shoulder. They sat in silence for a while.

“Thanks Harry.” The two continued to sit there, not saying anything. Harry contemplated what to say next to reassure her. He wanted her to know that regardless of what happened with Sirius Black that he would always be on her side.

“I couldn’t ever hate you, not for anything. I will always be here for you. I will always be your friend. C’mon, we should get inside. It’s getting late and you’re freezing.” Harry stood and pulled Hope to her feet and then hugged her tightly. They stood that way for a moment before Harry led her back to the castle. In the distance, a black dog watched the two teens retreat with a feeling of longing that panged deep inside Hope.

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terryblount · 5 years

Text

Sea of Solitude Review

This may sound like a joke, but I actually studied psychology for an entire year during my student days. I will admit that I came to hate the subject in the end, but the course had a few interesting moments. A particularly fascinating section was on the hidden part of the human mind not accessible to conscious thought, known in psychology as the ‘unconscious’.

The unconscious is the deepest and most primitive level of our psyche where our urges, emotions and instinctive thoughts exist in their most undiluted form. These impulses and feelings lie so deep beyond our awareness that we cannot describe them through rational language sometimes. Still, their effect on our mental reality can be very real, and very palpable.

This is the opening screen. A disclaimer like this, and you know you’re in for something a little more serious.

This is why people are so captivated by monsters and horror. These things represent an outer expression to some of the fears and aggressive instincts we house in the unconscious, particularly as a result of trauma or mental illness. Several games have tried to explore what it would be like to travel into the unconscious, with the Silent Hill and Evil Within series (Hellblade as well) being some notable examples.

Sea of Solitude by Jo-Mei Games, a Berlin-based studio, has tried to capture this experience within an indie game. This represents something like a catharsis for its creative director, Cornelia Geppert, as she takes the player through the darkest and most isolated moments of her life.

Meet Kay

It is tricky to describe the story behind Sea of Solitude since the game plays more like a series of puzzles for the player to solve rather than adhering to a linear plot. Come to think of it, I cannot recall being offered a proper intellectual challenge at any point, so calling them puzzles is perhaps an overstatement. Instead, you could say that Sea of Solitude is focused mostly on the experience and atmosphere it has to offer.

Learning how to let light guide my path

The player takes on the role of a young woman named Kay who wakes up floating on a little motorboat in the middle of a stormy ocean. The scene that greeted me was actually uncanny because Kay herself has sharp, black feathers with gleaming red eyes, and there is also the razor-toothed leviathan creeping just below the surface.

What I liked about the opening (despite the lack of any narrative exposition) is that I somehow understood the underlying message. I have been following the development of Sea of Solitude for some time, but this studio still surprised me with their talent for conveying imagery to the player. I suspect, the stormy waters represent Kay’s troubled mind, and her frightful appearance must represent how this inner state is psychologically turning her into a monster.

Kay then starts up her little dinghy, and a small light blips on in the darkness. On the turbulent waters the light looks like a haven, and I instinctively start to steer the boat towards its glow. It turns out to be a luminous, younger version of Kay floating angelically above the water. She assures me that she will keep me safe, and with a twirl of her hand lowers the water level, and changes the entire atmosphere to a bright sunny day.

Kay the monster

A floating city resembling Berlin appears from beneath the waves. Buildings, streets and cafés are rendered in a soft, pastel-coloured palette. Kay still looks ominously black in her little boat, but everything else appears serene and safe. The younger Kay plays a game with me in which I learn how to summon a little ball of light that will direct me where to go like an in-game compass, and Kay the Monster sounds almost happy for just a moment.

The experience

Suddenly, a bloodcurdling voice emanates from the water, and mini Kay zips off to investigate, leaving the atmosphere black and ominous again. Kay begs the little girl to come back right before a shell-dwelling creature rises out of the water. It utters profanities at Kay and insults her, which immediately led me to deduce that the beast represents Kay’s own self-loathing (because it looks a bit like her).

There is a way to defeat this monster so that I can proceed past the exit behind it. I need to clamber over some of the buildings, and clear away the worm-like strands of corruption slithering around balls of light (or are they energy?) using a trick the little girl taught me.

Clearing the corruption.

Unfortunately, I have to cross open water on a series of floating, garbage dumps, because the leviathan is back and starting to circle like a shark. This was utterly terrifying because the platforms are just out of Kay’s jumping range. Also, the monster can sense when I land in the water, so I have to wait for it to circle far enough, jump, and scuttle frantically on to safety before Kay ends up skewered on its gigantic fangs.

Eventually, the last ball of light is purged from corruption and its beam can be directed onto the creature. Turning the light sounds like utter agony, as Kay screams and moans from the effort. This must be a commentary on how difficult it is to escape the toxic circle of self-hatred and self-deprecation. With the monster defeated for now, I sail back into the sunlight, but it doesn’t last for long…

Techniques in narrative

My apologies if that dragged on quite a bit, but this would be a laughably short review if I only described what the player will actually be doing in Sea of Solitude. As I mentioned, this game’s strength is in the experience, and very little has therefore been invested in gameplay mechanics. The majority of my playthrough in Sea of Solitude was dedicated to helping Kay deal with the rest of the monsters lurking in her unconscious through mostly the same way I just described earlier.

These monsters range from a gigantic, fire-breathing, hairy chameleon representing Kay’s father (enraged by the constant conflict with her mother) to a werewolf-like dog representing Kay’s boyfriend. Get it? Puppy love? The monsters in this game are therefore not inspired by fantasy, but are instead the projections that Kay forms in her unconscious of real people, and the trauma they have enacted upon her.

Don’t let that beautiful exterior fool you. Every time Kay touches him, a monster starts to break through the white fur. It serves as a symbolism for how we sometimes hurt the ones we love.

There is a little bit of light platforming in Sea of Solitude, but what really steals the show is how damn interesting this game makes this minimalistic emphasis on gameplay. Sea of Solitude likes messing with your head and getting under your skin without resorting to outright horror or overly grotesque imagery. What unsettles the player is how they experience Kay’s story with her, and seeing how the drama of her external life has manifested as internal psychological horrors.

I mentioned how Jo-Mei Games constantly uses the power of imagery, which in itself was well done and engaging. I was constantly trying to connect what was happening in Kay’s mind to the snippets of dialogue from her life that plays as she proceeds through certain areas. I am also certain that many players will find the dialogue strangely familiar and relatable to their own lives.

Then there are the visual aesthetics themselves which are constantly supplying the mood for the player in certain scenarios. For example, Kay’s brother experienced horrific bullying and sexual assault at school, causing him to be represented in her mind as a forlorn and sad bird.

The form of Kay’s brother in her mind. I think the developer’s chose a bird to represent him due to its mournful and slumped form.

To save him from this bird-like form, she must share in the suffering he experienced by making her way through a flooded version of his school. This was one of the more creepy scenarios that the game has to offer since the sunken school is infested with red-eyed bullies made from smoky shadows. The dialogue that plays in Kay’s memory is also rather disturbing, as she experiences how bullies told her brother: “We’re going to find you… we’re going to kill you…”

Lastly, Jo-Mei Games have also used colour as artful visual cues to explain Kay’s memories. The blacks in this game have been done particularly well in the Unity Engine as they look dark and bottomless against some of the more colourful and soft backdrops. This instantly alerts the player to when something is sinister or dangerous to Kay.

While Sea of Solitude has been rendered in a relatively simple, cel-shaded style without too much visual sophistication, the particle effects and use of light make the submerged dystopia a splendour to behold. The animation is also pretty good (particularly in how water has been rendered), and wandering around in this surreal world that Kay has shaped within her mind instills that tourist feeling I used to enjoy when I first started playing games.

An ocean of experience

I would be hard pressed to call Sea of Solitude a game about mental illness regardless of how many reviews might say otherwise. I never got the message that this was about a young woman’s struggle with depression or the like. Instead, this is a game about Kay’s journey through an immensely difficult time in her life when her loved ones where just flaking around her.

I actually made this my desktop wallpaper. This game has some serious beauty on display.

Which brings me to the problem. Namely, not everyone would appreciate or even enjoy this game. I loved it because Sea of Solitude was a short but powerful experience that I could link with times in my own life when I experience hardship or troubles. Yet I understand that it therefore makes my outlook biased, and players that are looking for a more gameplay-centred indie title would definitely find more satisfaction elsewhere.

If you are willing to sit back for about 2-3 hours, and you can permit yourself to get utterly absorbed in a game’s story for just a moment, definitely play this. Sea of Solitude is obviously a very personal game to its development studio, and their investment shines through every wave. The EA Originals program is producing some excellent content, and I think we should support games like this one before that awful CEO insists on anti-depressants as a microtransaction within the game.

Appealing visual effects

Thought-provoking content

Short and sweet

Unusual voice acting

Some sterile environments

Gameplay sometimes basic

30 fps cap!?

Playtime: 2 hours total.

Computer Specs: Windows 10, 64-bit PC using Nvidia GTX 1070, i5 4690K CPU, 16GB RAM – Played using an Xbox One Controller

Sea of Solitude Review published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

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