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#S2 stancy
anthotneystark · 4 months
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And I’m split in half (But that’ll have to do)
In the end, she’d seen it coming.
In the end, he’d felt it like a train that couldn’t stop in time.
In the end, there were ghosts of people who were lost and ghosts of people they never got to be, people who had never existed and maybe never had a chance.
In the end, they say goodbye to what was, what could have been, and what died without them ever knowing.
They’d both been pretending for too long, both been fighting for something they couldn’t really believe in. She’d fought to push down the nightmares choking her, he’d fought to regain the normalcy they never got to taste before. He’d fought so hard to keep things good, clinging to the idea of them and clinging to the her that existed before her best friend was killed. She tried to push and pull and shape herself into the mold that he looked for. She bent herself into a person she never could have kept playing, but couldn’t get the words out from where they lodged in her throat.
She saw his pain, even with hers clouding her thoughts. She saw it in the way he didn’t swim in the pool, the way he kept it clean but couldn’t stand being in it.
He saw her pain in the way her smiles couldn’t linger on her face.
Dinners were never with his parents, too busy for him and unknowing of the turmoil in his heart. Dinners were never with her parents, something she didn’t want to subject him to. Dinners with parents only happened when they were the parents of the ghost haunting both of them.
In the end, the ghosts get to be too much. They come to a head with too sweet alcohol and too much noise. They come to a head with words that hurt worse than any fist. He leaves her there, but only once he knows someone else will watch out for her. Because he hurts, but he loves, he loves, he loves more than he hates himself even on his worst days.
He’s no stranger to anger, no stranger to loneliness and the ache in his heart. He knows himself to know his anger is a poison and it’s better if he’s alone when he’s trying to get rid of it. He’s trying not to be his father, trying not to be Tommy, trying not to be King Steve, who took that anger out on everyone who got in his way because that was all he’d ever known. He’s tried so hard to be better, but he feels all that anger boiling and pulling at the person he’s been building himself into.
He knows she’s hurting, knows she’s saying things she wouldn’t otherwise let out, but that makes it hurt worse because it means she’s thought about it over and over until it stuck there.
And then she doesn’t remember. She doesn’t remember and she can’t say the three words he needs to hear to fix the hole left in his heart. He can’t blame her, but he can’t not blame her just the same as he can’t blame himself, but he can’t not blame himself. It’s a vicious war in his heart and he feels so empty and hurt and angry that he walks away.
He wants to fix it, thinks if he can just apologize, even if he doesn’t know what he did wrong, they’ll be okay eventually.
He can’t though. Because she’s gone, because she can’t let the ghosts lie and he can’t blame her for that even if it terrifies him.
Except she’s gone, and then when she’s back she’s got a spark in her eyes and she can’t look at him for more than a glance. He’s already an afterthought.
He’s got bigger things to worry about that night, things bigger than him and bigger than her and bigger than the pain that still exists between them and the love that might have been there once.
She moves on, and it seems as easy as breathing for her to smile with Jonathan. She can’t see how much it makes him ache and he can’t bring himself to do anything but smile because he loves her and can’t just stop even if she’s moved on.
She’s been through enough and his anger isn’t enough to make him hurt her.
It’s like the year they spent together is just gone though and he doesn’t know what to do with that. He doesn’t go back to who he used to be, not really, but he smokes and drinks and acts like some kind of authority to the kids who follow him around and he tries to act like his heart isn’t a black hole because falling apart isn’t an option. He tries to keep up a friendship, does his best to act like it’s enough, like he doesn’t dream about her every night, like he doesn’t keep fitting her into the plans he’d always imagined. He smiles as she holds Jonathan’s hand like he isn’t still picturing her there with him in a house with a picket fence and kids running around after them.
It's his dream, not hers, and he can recognize that, but he’s not ready to let it go yet.
He sees her mom in the grocery store and sees the faint recognition in her eyes before he turns away.
He knows she has to drive past his road to get to the Byers’ house but he knows without having to ask that she’s not thinking about him as she does it.
The pain never leaves, but he holds onto it even as he wishes it was gone. He holds onto it every time he sees her. It’s a cycle in his head. Aching longing, love, anger, pain, over and over and over again. He feels stuck, forever, like there’s no escape from it and time isn’t helping.
He graduates, the pain stays as his dad promises to teach him a lesson, as he knows staying means seeing her. He finds someone who makes the pain lighten up, but she can’t remove it completely. He gets dragged back into that world of monsters and pain and still dreams about her even as he reaches for the hand that’s right there with him.
In the end, that hand isn’t the kind of love he’d hoped for, but it’s enough to finally start stitching up the pieces of his heart. In the end, it isn’t really the end after all.
They still can’t talk, but he isn’t quite so lonely anymore.
They still can’t look at each other, but she smiles at him sometimes and it feels like forgiveness.
They still can’t be friends, but they’re bound together forever.
He watches her be left behind by someone she really does love, someone who loves her too even if he can’t stay. But he’s here with her and the anger is still there but it doesn’t feel like it’s choking him anymore. He stays busy and dreams of the things that used to be within his reach and doesn’t drag her back in because it’s not fair to her.
He loves her and wants her to be happy even if it’s not with him because that’s what she deserves.
He stays by her side as they’re dragged back into fear and pain, finds himself telling her that dream that he swore would go to his grave in the gentle sunlight and haunting shadows. He tells her and hates himself for it because it’s his dream, not hers.
He watches her hug Jonathan and turns away because as much as he loves her, wants her to have her dreams, it still hurts knowing it’s not going to include him.
So he walks away, lets her go, let’s her have her dreams because it’s the least he could do. He shoves his aching heart down further in his chest because he loves, he loves, he loved, and she’s got that piece of his heart, but maybe letting her go can be good for them both.
He walks away, a different soft, small hand linked to his by their pinky fingers, and as he breathes out, he lets go of the version of them that never existed, that never had a chance of finding a home in their lives.
That night, for the first time in years, he doesn’t dream of her.
(@sharpbutsoft - I got at least a very rough sort of something that came out! Thanks for the inspiration!)
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wheelerharrington · 3 months
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season 1 // season 2 // season 4
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withacapitalp · 1 year
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(Okay I saw a post about a premise similar to this but I cannot find it for the life of me. Anyway I loved it so much that I had to write a version of it myself. A post s2 AU!) Now with Part Two
Steve was never exactly the most perceptive person in the world. 
He missed all of the signals that Nancy had given him, every sign that had pointed to their failing relationship. He hadn’t seen the moments that proved she was right about everything going on in their town either. Steve overlooked important details in his college applications, and took shots in basketball that almost always missed. He even sometimes walked right into walls these days, because his spacial awareness had kinda been shot since Billy smashed a plate over his head fifteen days ago. 
A lot of that could be forgiven, but, this…
Well this was a little bit obtuse, even for him. 
“You know you’re sitting at our table, right, King Steve?” 
Steve looked up from his Tuna Surprise, resisting the urge to flinch at both the blinding light from the windows in the cafeteria and the nickname he hated so much. Eddie Munson stared back, carrying a lunch tray in one hand and his signature metal lunch box in the other. 
“Your humble court is awaiting you on the haves side of this blessed cookery. This side is where the dweebs and the nerds parlay. A single place we get a reprieve from the endless bombardment of the average” Munson continued, flinging his arms to and fro, gesturing to the group of teens behind him who were staring at Steve like he was dirt under the bottom of their shoes. 
He hadn’t understood the majority of what Eddie had just said to him, but those looks were enough to give Steve the gist. He was not welcome here. 
“Sorry,” He muttered, grabbing his tray and sliding it to the other end of the table. He took a deep breath the second he was alone again, letting the tension melt away from his body as he collapsed back in his seat. 
Even though he was no longer welcome to sit at his old table, Steve probably could have gone and eaten in the library with Nancy and Jonathan. They had awkwardly invited him to join them a few times since everything had gone down, but he always said no. 
It was better this way. Better to be alone. Better to not have to watch the two of them try and hide how much happier they were now that they could be together. They deserved that happiness, Nancy deserved that happiness, and Steve refused to be the one to make her try and stifle any of that. 
He had hurt her enough already. 
“What happened to your face?”
Once again Eddie dragged Steve out of his thoughts. He was standing over Steve’s head, nearly hovering on top of him, watching Steve like he was trying to work him out. Like Steve was a particularly complex puzzle that he could solve just with his eyes. 
Nancy had always looked at him that way. Steve had hated it when it was her, and he hated it even more coming from Munson now. 
“Got into a fight,” Steve grunted, stabbing at his shitty cafeteria food and hoping that his abrasiveness would be enough to get Munson to leave him alone.
He wasn’t exactly sure what he could say now that they had all signed another round of NDAs, but he was pretty sure even talking about this was toeing the line. It was safer all around to get Eddie to go away as quickly as possible. 
It wouldn’t be all that hard. Usually all it took were a few well placed bitchy comments to get people to see the picture and give up on him. The only group of people who hadn’t been perturbed by Steve’s spikiness was the kids. They had shown up at his house pretty much daily since the gate had closed, and had even taken to begging on him for rides to and from school. 
Dustin in particular seemed determined to stay latched onto him like a barnacle, but Steve found that he didn’t really mind their clinginess.
 It was nice to be needed, even if it was only a group of pre-teen smartasses. 
“With who?” Eddie asked, leaning his hip on the table next to Steve and crossing his arms over his chest, “Cause Billy Hargrove is telling everyone he can that he beat your ass for messing with his sister,”
“I would never do something like that,” Steve shot back instantly, feeling the fading bruises on his face twinge as his jaw clenched in fury. He couldn’t help the words spilling out of his mouth, unable to stop them, “Billy’s a racist jackass who tried to put his hands on one of my fucking kids,”
Shit. 
“There is…so many confusing parts of that sentence,” Eddie stated, blinking in shock.
“Whatever,” Steve murmured, biting his cheek to stop himself from saying anything more and hunching his shoulders up around his ears. They weren’t exactly his kids, per say, but Steve was invested in keeping them safe now. The idea of doing anything to hurt any of them was painful, and the thought of Billy spreading that kind of rumor made bile rise up in his throat. 
Fuck Billy. Fuck this. Fuck his life honestly. 
“Look, Munson, I’m really not in the mood right now,” Steve sighed, hating how weary he sounded. It would have been better to fight his way out of this. Steve was crappy at fighting though, and there wasn’t much spirit left in him. Not after two weeks of perpetual stress and tension. 
“Harrington-”
“I moved down, I’m not in your way, isn’t that good enough?” Steve bit out, halfway to just grabbing his tray and throwing it in the trash. He was barely eating anyway, might as well go to the gym to shoot some hoops instead of sitting here being interrogated by drug dealing  extraordinaire, Eddie goddamn Munson.
Couldn’t he just let Steve eat in peace? Everything else was already so goddamn difficult these days. Could Steve at least manage to eat a mediocre meal without the entire world demanding something from him? 
By the grace of whatever god was potentially out there, Eddie took the hint, pushing off of his resting place and stalking back over to his group of weirdos on the other side. Steve let his eyes slip shut and dragged in a heavy breath, utterly exhausted. 
He was contemplating skipping the rest of the day and going home to sleep when a blue plastic tray identical to the one in front of him bumped his right hand
“What are you doing?” Steve wondered aloud, raising his eyebrows and fixing Eddie with a confused look as he sat down right next to Steve and began to dig into his meal. 
“Eating lunch alone sucks?” Eddie offered, shoveling Tuna Surprise into his mouth and shuddering, pushing the rest of the disgusting concoction to the far side of his tray, “Plus I’m hoping that if I get in your good graces you’ll give me your pudding cup,”
Steve stared at him for a few more moments, waiting for whatever prank was about to be pulled. But Eddie didn’t budge, continuing to eat around his main dish with strange efficiency and ignoring Steve’s gaze. 
“Go nuts,” He finally said, offering the plastic container over to Eddie who grabbed it and gave Steve a big smile
“Mazel Tov, Eddie said, hoisting the pudding aloft and tearing into it, “So, you have children?”
“I- I babysit,” Steve stammered out, completely perplexed by the strange set of circumstances that was playing out in front of him. Eddie paused with his spoon midair in front of him. 
“You babysit,” He repeated, turning his head towards Steve. The younger teen nodded and Eddie hummed. He put his pudding down and licked his spoon clean. When he was done, he hefted it aloft, bringing it down on the back of his right hand with a smack that echoed all around the cafeteria. 
“Ouch!” Eddie yelped, flapping his hand around in the air to try and get rid of the sting. Steve looked frantically to and fro as the rest of the room stared at them, whispering behind their hands. 
“Why would you-” 
“Had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming,” Eddie explained, interrupting Steve’s furious whisper with a breathless little laugh, “Because I just heard the words ‘I babysit’ come out of King Steve’s mouth,”
“Would you cut it out with the King stuff?” Steve snapped, beginning to lose his appetite, “It’s been a while since I was King of anything, and it was a stupid fucking idea to begin with,” 
There was a beat of awkward silence as Eddie gave him another one of those soul searching looks. 
“What are you doing Thursday afternoon?” He finally asked when he found whatever he was looking to find. Steve startled, dropping his fork. 
What kind of question was that? 
Was Munson asking him on some sort of date?!
“I’m…benched from basketball ‘cause of my concussion. So nothing, I guess,” Steve said cautiously, carefully picking his words and trying to avoid the spike of hurt that shot along his chest as he said them. 
It wasn’t much, but basketball was one of the only things Steve really thought he was genuinely good at. Not having it was kind of pure torture. 
Almost as bad as not having Nancy in his life anymore. 
“In that case, come to Hellfire,” Eddie offered, glancing at the clock on the wall and grabbing both of their trays. Steve scrambled to grab his backpack, hefting it onto one shoulder and jogging to keep up with Eddie. 
“What?”
“Hellfire?” Eddie repeated, dumping their trash into the bin and stacking the trays next to it, “It’s the club I run,”
“What is it?” Steve asked, curious but unwilling to commit just yet. There was still a part of him that was kind of convinced all of this was some elaborate ruse to fuck with him. 
But before Eddie could say anything the bell chimed all around them. The rest of the student population moved as one, and the sound in the lunchroom immediately went from dull roar to cacophonous mess. Steve’s left ear started to ring again, and he winced, shying away from the sudden noise. 
“You’ll have to come and see,” Eddie said, waggling his eyebrows, completely ignorant to Steve’s pain. He turned on his heel, raising a hand in a wave behind him as he loped towards the rest of his friend group.
“Thursday after school! In the drama room, don’t be late!”
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in a world full of boys, he’s a gentleman 🥹
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steveharringtondaily · 5 months
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STEVE HARRINGTON and NANCY WHEELER Stranger Things 2.01: Madmax
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findafight · 10 months
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Jonathan’s line about Steve in vol 2 was so…. I don’t know. I mean yeah it straight up confirms that Nancy and Jonathan make fun of Steve behind his back, and like I get that I have never been in Nancy’s situation so obviously it seems more mortifying to me, but I would have felt so guilty in her place. I can’t imagine not shutting Jonathan up if he started shit talking about Steve. Like Steve would have been straight up unmentionable if I was Nancy. Idk.
I get that Duffers don’t treat their characters emotional lives seriously, but like. That’s why Robin being kind to Nancy in s5 despite Nancy’s uh.. well frankly appalling attitude towards Robin, makes zero sense to me. I really wanted Nancy to struggle being in Steve’s group. Not in the “she deserves it bhahaha” way, but like… Steve dumped his friends for her (which was good for him), and her expecting to get the same treatment and meeting Robin instead? Who actively dislikes her and for a good reason? Who is smart and cool and kind? That’s way more interesting than people kissing Nancy’s ass the whole season, while she is actively putting Max’s life in danger. Like, yeah in high school she is the chief editor of the newspaper, and at home she is the eldest sister, and with Jon she makes fun of Steve, and now none of these people are here, but Steve is here and so is his bestie. And Steve is as kind as always, but Robin dislikes her, and it is not just prejudice
Nancy Wheeler you wild girl! She has no guilt lmao She's like yeah steve was dumb and annoying and didn't enable my investigation, and jon goes yep, what an idiot. All while Steve is just like. bumpin around making friends with little nerds haha. Minding his own business blaming himself for the end of their relationship. You're right, it's kinda bonkers because even if we take the stance that Nancy didn't cheat (which I believe she did) like. she still had him as her second choice and as soon as he pushed back a bit and didn't give her the kind of support she wasn't telling him she needed (until talking about exposing the lab in the library where anyone could hear) she jumped ship and ran to Jonathan. Why would she want to talk about Steve? Why wouldn't she want to try to forget he ever existed as anything other than Mike's friend Dustin's older friend? Is that not weird for her?
(i think you might mean s4? but i can work with s5 too haha) It's so much more compelling to me to have Nancy and Robin at odds with each other because Robin is like a little guard chihuahua holding a grudge for Steve. She holds grudges so well let her do it more!! like jesus give him someone in his corner! And also for herself! She got so nervous and tried to explain and defend herself, and Nancy only really started to listen once they got into the hospital. Nancy has a not great plan that puts one of the kids in danger, one of the kids Steve is close to. (Max wrote him a letter!!) I think Robin would really see Steve's people as her people, even if she wasn't personally close to them she'd still feel comfortable around the younger teens because Steve is? Let robin be critical of this plan. Let her call it out or something. Give Nancy someone to push against, it's no fun if there's no resistance! I want Nancy to be the one wanting friendship with Robin, and Robin not being receptive to it. Nancy not having a relationship handed to her would be refreshing and I want to see how she'd try to win Robin's friendship.
Let Robin not want to work with Nancy because she's heard the rumours about how her and Steve ended, even though he only mentioned that he wasn't a good boyfriend ans wasn't what she needed so it didn't work out. Robin saw that one week Steve and Nancy had a fight, and a day later she was ditching with Jonathan? yeah something is fishy there to even the most socially oblivious person. Let Robin know Steve well enough that she knew he at least thought he was telling the truth but that there must have been more. Let Robin decide she was going to do the most cliche best friend thing and not be very nice to the ex that broke her bestie's heart.
ooooh anon what you're saying is so interesting because, yeah. Steve dumped Tommy and Carol for Nancy, and that was good for him, and then Nancy got with Jonathan who doesn't really have any friends in Hawkins. So she's always been her boyfriend's main person of similar age they're close to. But now Steve's got Robin. Who is funny and kind and weird and loyal and smart and sarcastic. Who is obsessed with Steve and who Steve is also obsessed with. And that, from a s5 stancy pov, is so interesting because now Nancy is now competing (in her mind) for her boyfriend/potential bf's attention with his best friend. Like Jonathan was focused on his family, obviously (and this caused strain for them too) but it's not the same socially as a best friend taking priority. Steve would still hold those relationships, because they're good for him and good for the others, and there's zero reason for him to abandon them this time.
I think Nancy would hate it. Like Steve would obviously give her tonnes of attention, but with him having actual close friendships not just with Robin but Dustin and Max (at least) too, she'd still feel like she was bartering for time with him. That is suuuuch a fun potential dynamic between nancy and steve and also nancy and steve's friends.
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dwobbitfromtheshire · 7 months
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So, after season one, Nancy and Steve don't get back together for like a month, right? Okay, what if they reconciled by Steve approaching her and telling her that he wanted to give her space, that he didn't want to push her, but he wanted to make sure she was alright after Barb. He told her how he wished he had gotten to know her, and if she was up for it, then maybe she could tell him about Barb. I have a hard time believing that no one acknowledged Nancy and her grief for Barb. (I mean, did Hopper even think to check on her?) To me, I think that this would explain why she was holding on to Steve for so long even though she had feelings for someone else. In her darkest moment, Steve was so sweet to her. Jonathan was busy with his own family, and that's understandable, but you're telling me that he couldn't pick up the phone? I think it's also why Steve went to the dinners because he did feel guilty, and he did feel guilty about not getting to know Barb. I think if she and Jonathan hadn't gotten together in that moment, then she would have found her way to actually talk to Steve about Barb to get closure. It's one of the things that annoys me about Jancy. That and the photographs. I wish they had written Jonathan better. Anyway, I just wonder how they reconciled after that month, and I think this is it.
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lvcygraybaird · 2 years
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You know, neither of you ever cared about her. You never even liked her, because she's not miserable like you two. She actually cares about other people.
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homielander · 2 years
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who's going to tell the stranger things writers that steve can have a personality outside of wanting a girlfriend
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theseventhveil1945 · 2 years
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can’t remember the exact quote but joe keery saying something about how he thinks steve liked nancy because when they had conversations she actually listened to what he had to say and that was maybe something he never experienced before (i think that was the gist of it it’s been a minute since i read it) but like who allowed him to give such a sweet introspective answer about poor doomed season 1 stancy
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unfinishedslurs · 1 year
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steve gets vecna'd (stancy)
“Favorite song!” Nancy cries, shaking Steve by the shoulders. “Robin, what’s—“
“I-it’s, shit, uh.” Robin’s hands are shaking, terrified. “Careless Whisper! His favorite song is Careless Whisper!”
“George Michael? Fucking George Michael?!” Eddie shouts, scrambling through tapes. 
“Is this really the time for your music snobbery?” 
“It is when I don’t have any George Michael in my fucking trailer!”
“I’m never gonna dance again,” Robin sings. “Guilty feet have got no rhythm! Though it’s easy to pretend—“
“I know you’re not a fool,” Nancy joins. Her voice isn’t the best, but it’s better than nothing. 
She and Robin harmonize the best they can, trying to keep a rhythm amidst the panic. Then Robin has to break off. 
“Nancy, do you know all the words?”
She doesn’t stop singing as an answer. Of course she knows the words, she and Steve had listened to it together over and over again when it first came out. Neither of them are particularly good singers, but they gave it their all. Enduring more than a few disgusted looks from Mike when they had to give him a ride somewhere. 
She still can’t hear the song without smiling. It wasn’t the same without Steve’s rough voice in the mix, but that’s her own fault. She doesn’t get to miss what she gave away. 
Her voice rises above the noise of their friends, practically shouting when she reaches the crescendo. “Tonight the music seems so loud! I wish that we could lose this crowd.” His feet start leaving the floor, and she grips his arms desperately enough to leave bruises. “Maybe it’s better this way, we’d hurt each other with the things we want to say! We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now who’s gonna dance with me?” There’s tears streaming down her face, and her voice breaks when she sings, “Please—“
He falls. 
“Nancy?”
“Yeah?” She gasps out on a sob. He’s alive, her heart sings. He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive—
“You’re kind of on my bites.”
“Your…oh!” She scrambles off of him. God, how could she forget he’d been eaten alive? She pushes the vest aside, examining them with a single minded determination that has no room for the embarrassed flush on her face. 
They’re bleeding again. Shit. 
“Do you think you can make it up the rope?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he says. She can hear the waver in his voice, and she knows he’s not sure at all. She can’t do anything about that, though. He’s got at least fifty pounds on her, she doubts she could help him up. 
She almost calls for Eddie, but Steve’s already heaving himself up the rope. 
He groans when he lands on the mattress, and everyone surrounds him instantly. Dustin throws himself down on top of him, and Steve lets out a pained yelp. 
“Bites!” Eddie exclaims, waving his hands. “The man’s been chewed on by hell beasts, Henderson, be careful!”
“He what?” Dustin shrieks.
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wheelerharrington · 3 months
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he's actually grown up quite a bit, you know? // nancy's different. she's different than the other girls.
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withacapitalp · 1 month
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How to Rehabilitate a Jock Pt 20
Part Nineteen Part One Link to ao3
A huge thank you to so many people but it's especially @thefreakandthehair for betaing, being the best, and generally encouraging all of my nuttiness. Also a big shout out to Bowie ( don't remember your Tumblr my lovely!!) for doublechecking some sensititvity reading for me. Y'all rock!!!
Jeff had the decency to wait until Frank was safely in his house before he called Eddie out on his shit. 
“What the fuck are you doing, man?” Jeff sighed the second the door closed behind Frank, leaving only the snow, Eddie’s headlights, and two best friends about to have an incredibly awkward conversation. 
“Driving you dicks home?” Eddie tried, hoping that he could fool Jeff into not having the uncomfortable conversation that was already beginning. He kicked the van into reverse, throwing a hand casually over Jeff’s seat as he turned and began to maneuver his way back to the road. 
“Eddie.”
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t anything really. Just his name, nothing more, nothing less, but it was Jeff’s tone. 
That voice, the voice he always used when he was trying to cut through Gareth and Eddie’s bullshit. Corroded Coffin had lasted all these years because of balance. Frank was their rock, steady and sure; Eddie and Gareth were the stream, bouncing and playing and whirling around in a daze; but Jeff was the earth around them. Jeff was everything, and Eddie might be their leader, but Jeff was the one that held everything together. 
And he was the only one who could get Eddie to drop the act with just one word. 
“Honestly, dude? I have no fucking idea what I’m doing,” Eddie sighed, slightly curling in on himself as he focused on the road. The snow was only mildly awful at the moment, but winter in Indiana could turn on a dime and Eddie wasn’t looking to run his van off the road just because Jeff was grilling him about his stupid little completely non-existent crush. 
“Well, what do you want from him?” Jeff asked, dragging the first word slowly out as he thought about what he wanted to say. Sometimes the other members of Hellfire would do things like that— talk slow or choose words carefully, just to try and avoid Eddie’s sparky temper. 
Unfortunately for him, Eddie was already worked up about this particular topic. 
“Great question!” Eddie snapped, going to throw his hands up before choosing to be wise and hold the wheel steady. A small squall was beginning to form around them, and his visibility was starting to cut to next to none.
“Okay, okay,” Jeff said, placating to Eddie’s need to be a bit of an asshat, “So what happened between you and Steve that’s got Gareth so pressed?”
If it was any other person in the car with him, Eddie might have been able to fake it. Even Frank might have fallen for a lie about Gareth’s hatred of jocks and conformity and how Steve was just a representation of that. 
But it was Jeff. Jeff, who was their Earth, who knew that Gareth’s grudge wouldn’t have lasted this long if it wasn’t motivated by protectiveness. That the only reason Gareth wouldn’t have started to warm up even a little bit was his need to make sure his people were safe. 
Few things in life were assured, but death, taxes, and Gareth Winston’s need to protect his own were all a given.  
“Steve probably doesn’t even remember, so it doesn’t matter,” Eddie muttered, evading the question just as he narrowly evaded a pothole that seemed to appear out of thin air on the road in front of them. The storm was picking back up again, and this was not the conversation to be having right at this moment.  
“Well, do you want him to fuck you?” Jeff asked bluntly, cutting through the fat and straight to the juicy meat of the problem. 
“Jeff!” Eddie blurted out, a nervous burst of laughter escaping along with his name. He took the risk of looking away from the road for a few seconds to give the other boy a wild-eyed look, but Jeff seemed unphased, cool as a cucumber as a lion’s smile began to curl on his face. 
“Do you want to fuck him?” 
Unbidden, a dozen images flashed through Eddie’s head. Steve in his bed. Steve shirtless. Steve underneath him with his hair splayed out on the pillows, wrists trapped in gleaming silver cuffs as he begged so pretty for—
No. 
No no no no no no NO. 
“Dude!” Eddie groaned, turning away from the road again to shout at Jeff. 
And then it happened. 
Jeff’s shit-eating grin disappeared, his eyes growing to the size of dinner plates as he shouted a wordless warning cry and Eddie had less than a second to turn back to the road, slamming his foot on the brake and throwing his arm out to protect Jeff from the inevitable crash. 
There was something on the road in front of them. The snow made it impossible to see beyond the shape, but, whatever it was, it was massive. Huge, and hulking, with a dark shadow that sent a chill down Eddie’s spine, and he was sure his van wouldn’t survive the impact. 
But no impact came. 
His tires skidded, the van turned half a quarter, but no collision, no smashing glass, no pain. Just twin panting from him and Jeff, and an empty road all around them. 
“What was that?” Jeff whispered when he was able to form words again. 
“A deer, I guess,” Eddie murmured back, not really feeling all that sure of his answer. He had never seen a deer like that, but he also hadn’t really seen anything. His wild imagination wanted to run with it, but there was no point. Whatever it was, it was gone, and that’s what mattered. 
He leaned back against his seat, his heart still racing as he patted Jeff’s chest twice, slightly assured when he could feel Jeff’s heart pounding through his shirt as well.
“Sorry.” 
“Shouldn’t’ve distracted you,” Jeff mumbled, lacing his fingers together to hide how badly they were shaking. 
“Hey, not your fault,” Eddie said, knowing how Jeff’s anxiety tended to latch to any blame it could when it got tripped like this. Eddie tested the van, carefully pulling back onto the right side of the road. They stayed quiet as Eddie turned them towards Jeff’s house, driving at a turtle’s pace with both hands on the wheel. 
“I want to help him,” Eddie offered into the silence, eyes firm on the road. “If I can.”
When Jeff didn’t immediately respond, Eddie thought that was the end of the conversation, but as they approached Jeff’s neighborhood, the boy next to him spoke up again. 
“Steve needs the help. Something’s really wrong with him, Eds.”
“You’re turning over to Gareth’s side?” Eddie joked, the words thin and frail and instantly disappearing the second he put them in the air. 
“No,” Jeff replied, no veil of humor over his words. “There’s something wrong with him like there’s something wrong with me.” 
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Eddie said on instinct, hating the bitter scoff Jeff gave. He pulled up to a stop sign and put the van all the way in park, turning in his seat and giving Jeff his full attention 
“Look at me.” Eddie ordered, waiting until Jeff’s dark eyes met his own in the dim light of the streetlamp before speaking again. 
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Jeff. Nothing.” He said, making sure that there was zero wiggle room in his voice. 
Because there wasn’t, and Eddie hated that his best friend thought there was. There was something wrong with Hawkins, with the country they lived in, with the world. There was something wrong with a species that somehow made color a defining factor in a person’s worth, but there was not, and never would be, anything wrong with who Jeff was.
“Fine, then something wrong happened to both of us,” Jeff amended, a ghost of a smile crossing his face at Eddie’s insistence. “Either way, just be careful with him,” 
“Aren’t you supposed to be giving Steve the shovel talk? Not the other way around?” Eddie joked, putting the van back in gear and turning onto Jeff’s street. 
“When you get him, I’ll give him the talk,” Jeff promised, crossing his heart as he did. 
When, not if. Just one word instead of the other, but a flush of warmth flooded Eddie from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. There wasn’t a chance in hell that Jeff was right to use the word ‘when’, because Eddie’s chances were not even ‘if’, but he loved the positivity. 
“Have a good night, man,” Jeff said as they pulled into his driveway, holding out a hand for a quick shake as he unbuckled his seatbelt.  
“Hey,” Eddie called, grabbing the edge of Jeff’s coat as he stepped out of the van. “Us freaks stick together. Always.”
It was a little reminder, just a hint of a conversation they had over a year ago, but judging by the way Jeff’s eyes softened and his shoulders lowered, he knew exactly what Eddie was reminding him of. 
“Always,” Jeff echoed, squeezing Eddie’s wrist once before he hurried towards his darkened house and slipped inside. Eddie waited till the porch light turned off before sighing heavily, resting his head against the steering wheel for a moment before reversing again. 
Back to the lion’s den. 
The house was dark as Eddie quietly let himself back in, but the glow of the pool and the embers of the fire crackling in the fireplace gave just enough light to see the aftermath of the party. It wasn’t half as bad as some of the messes Eddie had seen from Steve’s previous parties, but it was still pretty messy. There would be a lot of cleanup coming tomorrow, and Eddie’s heart ached when he thought about Steve spending Christmas Eve alone cleaning up his house. 
Damn this boy. Eddie didn’t even celebrate Christmas, and here he was worrying over Steve about being alone for it. 
Maybe Wayne wouldn’t mind having one more person over for dinner. Usually it was just the two of them, but Wayne loved his strays almost as much as Eddie did, and Steve was an easy guy to care about. 
Eddie would ask him tomorrow morning. Call before anyone woke up and see what Wayne said. Then he would offer to help clean and ask Steve when it was just the two of them. After all, no one should be alone on the holidays. 
Eddie was so lost in his thoughts, that he almost missed the sound of an angel singing somewhere up above. 
Are you lonesome tonight?
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
But no, there was no missing that voice. Eddie was a connoisseur of music, but he already knew that almost any other song was ruined for him. He was the cat caught by the canary instead of the other way around, lost in the sound of a voice he hadn’t heard in years. It was deeper now, fuller, grown almost into a man from the boy he had been the last time Eddie heard him sing.  
Does your memory stray to a bright summer day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
He climbed the stairs slowly, drawn like a moth to a flame, knowing it would burn, but needing to be close anyway. 
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Outside the room now, Eddie could see it all while still staying hidden. Steve was sitting on the floor, his head leaned back against the bed that was filled to the bursting with his sleeping children. 
His entire self was on display for Eddie, not just his body, but his soul and his mind, a gift being given without knowing, and Eddie was too selfish not to take it. 
Is your heart filled with pain?
Shall I come back again?
This was the boy Gareth couldn’t see, but the one Eddie couldn’t stop looking for. A boy who knew their first memory together. Without a doubt. Who had never forgotten, no matter how much Eddie tried to convince himself he had. 
There was no other reason to pick this song. 
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
And without permission Eddie was thrust into a memory.
Despite it only being his sophomore year, Eddie was more than used to getting detention. In the two years since he had moved to Hawkins, Eddie had earned his ‘problem child’ status at least twice over. This particular afternoon, he was stuck sitting at a graffitied desk in the detention room because he dared to argue when his teacher told him that it was valid to not believe in evolution when it went against your religious beliefs. 
Evolution. The base of all humanity. 
She was wrong, but she was the one with all the power, so Eddie was the one in trouble. 
Still it could’ve been worse. Wayne had given him the van for his fifteenth birthday, so he wasn’t stuck waiting on the steps for a ride home after missing the bus. It wasn’t technically legal, but Hopper tended to look the other way as long as Eddie continued to give him discounts on ‘merchandise’. 
All Eddie had to do was wait out the clock. Mr. Whiter had already fallen asleep at the desk up front and at six, Eddie would be free. Maybe he could even stop at Benny’s. The man always gave him extra fries to bring home to Wayne, and Eddie was making good money now that Rick was in the slammer. He was the last dealer left in town, so things were looking up. 
Well things would be looking up, except the kid next to him refused to stop sniffling. 
Eddie muffled an irritated sigh, sliding his eyes over to take stock of the boy sitting across the way. Clearly a freshman, and obviously his first time in detention. He was looking around the room with wide-eyed horror, slightly terrified of every single thing he saw, and obviously trying to brush tears away from his bruised cheek and busted lip. 
Normally, Eddie would just tell him to shut up. That detention was barely anything to have to deal with in the grand scheme of things, but he had seen the fight that landed the kid in detention, and it had been bad enough to warrant some misery. 
One second he and another boy (obviously a friend given how upset the kid was) were laughing by his locker, and the next second they were exchanging blows. It had been bad, taking three teachers to separate them, and somehow this kid had gotten in trouble for the whole thing!
But Eddie had seen the start, and it was the other twerp that had thrown the first punch. Yet somehow, he was already on the bus home and this schmuck was stuck in detention with the Freak of Hawkins High
The unjustness gnawed at Eddie’s soul, and the longer the kid sat there doing nothing but brush at his already dry cheeks, the harder it was to ignore him. 
Fuck it. There were worse ways to spend an afternoon. 
Eddie grabbed his notebook, slamming it open to a fresh page and dragging his favorite purple pen across the paper, taking a cursory glance at Mr. Whiter’s snoring form before sliding his chair over to the other boy. 
“Hi!” Eddie said, throwing a big smile in the kids direction and hoping that would grease the wheels a little. Eddie knew how intimidating he could look to the rest of the world, and he liked it that way, but it sometimes made it hard to make friends. 
Sure enough, the kid startled the second Eddie spoke, looking at him the way a deer looks at the hunter right before they hear the death shot. He didn’t seem like the type to just outright tell Eddie to fuck off, but he did look massively uncomfortable with Eddie invading his space.  
Oh well, what was the worst that could happen?
“Wanna kill some time?” Eddie offered, holding up his notebook before placing it down on the desk in front of them. A tic tac toe board sat in the middle of the page, and a scorecard was up in the top corner with the word ‘Eddie' on one side and the words ‘Random Kid 'on the other. 
A barely there smile glanced across the kids face as he looked down at the page, and then those big brown eyes were on him. Eddie waited patiently, forcing his body to stay still which was actually a pretty herculean task— not that this kid knew. He had the worm on the hook and the line in the water, and now he was just waiting for the curious fish to bite. 
Whatever the kid was looking for, he must’ve found it because that same soft, shy smile was gifted to Eddie as he leaned down, rooting around in his backpack for his own pen. When he found the one he was looking for, he carefully crossed over Eddie’s purple writing, replacing ‘Random Kid’ with just one word instead. 
“Well, Steve, let’s hope your tic-tac-toe powers are better than your fighting skills,” Eddie joked, pleased when instead of getting mad, Steve’s cheeks darkened in a pretty little blush, and he simply ducked his head with a soft protest and an embarrassed smile. 
They played a few rounds in relative silence, the occasional quiet groan or cheer when one or the other managed to clinch a victory. It was nice, a little boring, but far preferable to what they had been doing before. 
And then Steve’s pen died. 
It was a slow death, long and drawn out with some furious scribbling to try and get one last juice for the squeeze. 
“Here, man, just take mine. I’ve got a spare somewhere,” Eddie offered, not even thinking twice as he gave away his favorite pen, even though he never let anyone borrow that pen. Wayne had gotten it for him on a day trip to Indianapolis for his birthday, just a tiny trinket to commemorate the day, and Eddie loved it to death. 
There was no way Steve could have known that, and yet he was looking at the pen like it was a live snake. 
“Why are you being so nice to me?” Steve asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked down at the clearly treasured object in front of him. 
Eddie looked up at the other boy, furrowing his brow. 
“Why not?” Eddie said with a shrug, going back to his notebook with a plain black pen. He was scratching out another tic-tac-toe board to add to the dozens that were already on the page, but paused when he saw Steve wasn’t picking up his own pen. 
“People aren’t just nice,” Steve insisted, giving Eddie an unexpectedly guarded look. “They always want something…so what do you want from me?” 
“I want to make this afternoon a little less unbearable, I want to fight the system, and I want to make you feel better.” Eddie offered, quirking his head to the side and picking up his favorite purple pen to offer once more to the other boy, “Isn’t that enough?” 
They stared at each other for a long second, until Steve’s face broke into an incredulous smile and he ducked his head down. 
“You’re really weird,” he said with a soft laugh, taking the pen. It was a lovely sound, like birds singing in the morning, or the first soft strum of a guitar as practice began. 
Eddie needed to hear it again.
From there they were off, talking about everything and anything. Eddie shared about all of the  ridiculous reasons he had gotten detention over the years, and Steve explained that the other punk from the fight was Tommy, apparently his best friend for his entire life. They had lived next to each other since Steve had moved to Hawkins as a kid, and had done every single thing together. The reason Tommy had started the fight was Steve had told him he wasn’t sure he wanted to go to basketball try-outs tomorrow. 
“It’s not that I don’t like it, I just want to try some other stuff too you know?” Steve said, looking up from their game to catch Eddie’s eye, “We’re in high school now, so it’s the time to try something new, isn’t it?” 
“Sure it is!” Eddie agreed eagerly, holding himself back from going on a diatribe about the laundry basket devils that ran the school and instead talking about all of the clubs he was in. He couldn’t really see Steve enjoying Marching Band or Creative Writing, but Drama might be a good fit, or maybe Art. 
“You could even join the new club I’m trying to start if you wanted,” Eddie offered, trying to stay casual but practically vibrating at the thought of having someone else to show Higgins that Hellfire was worthy of a place at the table. 
“A new club?” Steve asked. 
“Yea, it’s gonna be great,” Eddie started, taking a deep breath to start his long rant about the joys of dungeons and dragons, “So it’s called—”
“Alright boys,” a nasally voice droned from the front of the room. “Time to pack it up.”
Both boys jumped at Mr. Whiter’s interruption, and Eddie rolled his eyes, frustrated at being stopped right as he had started to get to the good stuff. The geometry teacher either didn’t notice or didn’t care, too eager to get back to his own home to do whatever geometry teachers did when they weren’t at school. 
If Eddie had to guess, it was probably fucking their wives with compasses while reciting geometric formulas as foreplay. That seemed right. 
“And don’t let me catch you in here again, Mr. Harrington. I would hope your parents had taught you better,” Mr. Whiter said as they trudged past him. His blank potato looking face was only showing the barest hints of disappointment, but that was still enough to make Steve cringe away.
“Yes sir,” he whispered, all joy from the last hour they had spent together vanishing in an instant.
“What? No warning for me Mr. Whiter?” Eddie inquired, batting his eyes and trying to take the attention away from Steve. 
“I don’t particularly like wasting my breath on hopeless cases, Mr. Munson,” Whiter droned, half raising one brow, as if shocked that Eddie would even bother to ask for an admonishment. “Try to get your homework done tonight, will you? I’d hate to add another zero to my gradebook,”
Hot shame rushed down Eddie’s spine, replaced quickly by a lightning fury that made his lips loose and his logic take a quick hike. 
“Well, I don’t particularly like making promises I can’t keep, sorry Tighty-Whiteys!” Eddie declared, grabbing Steve’s hand and dragging him away before they could get in any trouble because of Eddie’s big fat mouth. 
“Jesus H Christ, that guys a dick!” Eddie shouted, both boys laughing breathlessly as they burst through the doors of the school. 
“You gonna do the homework?” Steve said through his giggles. 
“Now? Hell no!” Eddie swore, cackling as he did and jumping up onto the low wall next to the school. “Gotta fight the system however you can, Stevie. Trust me. Listen to your elders.”
“Whatever you say,”  Steve said, continuing to laugh at Eddie’s antics. He idly looked around the parking lot, his mood starting to darken as he looked again, searching the parking lot again, but Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what for. 
Then Steve sighed, plopping down on the curb and wrapping his arms around his knees resting his chin on top of them and rapidly blinking. 
“What’re you doin’?” Eddie asked with concern, shocked at Steve’s sudden turn and hopping down from his spot on the wall. 
“My parents aren’t here,” Steve muttered glumly, staring out at the empty lot instead of looking at Eddie as he sat on the curb next to Steve. “The school called after the fight, and they knew when I was getting out, but my dad’s probably going to make me wait ‘till after dinner or something.”
It wasn’t exactly the most damning thing to say in the world, Eddie could think of a dozen things that his dad had done to him that were worse, but the thought of making his own son wait for hours in the cold and dark still made something in his stomach squirm. He could never imagine Wayne doing anything like that to him.
Steve curled up even tighter around himself, completely unaware of Eddie’s internal struggle. 
“God, I bet they’re so pissed.” Steve whispered into his knees. “And now my dad’s going to have to come get me, and he’s going to be even madder about that—”
“Why don’t I give you a ride home?” Eddie offered in an instant, shocking even himself with the boldness of the offer. He had just met the kid only an hour ago, but Steve’s genuine nature touched something in him, and there was a magnetic pull to want to help him that Eddie couldn’t quite explain just yet. “Then at least they won’t be mad at you about needing a ride, right?”
It would make more sense for Steve to say no, to try and play it off, but instead he was giving Eddie a watery smile and a look of gratitude as he nodded, starting to stand. 
Eddie had never really worried about what the van looked like, but as they walked towards where it was, Eddie jogged ahead, trying to throw the multitudes of wrappers and junk into the back where Steve wouldn’t see. Luckily for him, the younger boy seemed enraptured by the simple fact that Eddie had a car at all. 
“I want something cool like a Beemer or a truck, but my mom doesn’t want me to get a car ‘till I’m 18,” Steve said idly, pausing and furrowing his brow as he did, “She’s really weird about me driving for some reason.” 
Hopefully, she wouldn’t feel too weird about a random guy giving her kid a ride home in a kidnapper van. 
“Pick a tape for us to listen to,” Eddie offered as he climbed into the driver's seat, fighting with his seatbelt as Steve perused his choices. Unfortunately, Steve quickly skipped over all of the metal that Eddie had at the front of the pack, but soon familiar notes began to sing, and Eddie’s shoulders relaxed as he recognized the song. 
“Ahhhh, The King. A good choice,” Eddie commented as Elvis’s voice began to croon out into the air between them. 
“Who could hate this song?” Steve asked rhetorically, a wry grin on his face as the tune began to take shape.
“I always loved that nickname,” Steve said off handedly, staring out the window at the rows of corn, “King.” 
“You should steal it then,” Eddie said automatically. Sure, Steve was a kid right now, but Eddie could see it in his eyes. A few years, a couple more inches, and that kid would have the world eating out of his palm. That sweet nature, that funny little humor, ‘King’ wasn’t too hard to imagine when it came to Steve. 
“Maybe,” Steve replied, drawing out the word with a tone that showed that he wasn’t sure about that. He gave Eddie a few more directions, and they got closer and closer to their time being done together. A strange desperation started to make Eddie’s heart race, like he could feel the two of them pulling back into their roles, backing away from whatever they had this afternoon. 
“It’s got a good ring to it. King Steve,” Eddie pushed, pausing and making the turn into Loch Nora before he put his heart on the line. 
“Why don’t you blow off basketball try-outs tomorrow? Come to my club I’m starting instead. You can meet my friends.”
It was a chance, a choice. Steve could make the right one, and be one of them, or he could get sucked into Hawkins and all of it’s hell hole small town bullshit. Eddie was giving him an out. 
“That sounds really fun,” Steve said in a small voice, a secret smile shared between them before it was ruined by a shout from the house in front of them. 
“Steven!”
It was a woman’s voice, and Steve’s entire body stiffened. No more smiles, no more relaxing, Steve was a rod of pure steel, with a blank unaffected face. A man and a woman, Steve’s mother and father presumably, were standing on the porch together, twin faces of disappointed gravity that stole all of the air out of the van. 
“Well, wish me luck,” Steve laughed without humor, his fingers worrying over the straps of his backpack as he started to unbuckle his seatbelt. 
“See you tomorrow?” Eddie asked, already knowing in his stomach that he wouldn’t. 
“Tomorrow,” Steve said, the word so thin and frail now. 
And he was gone. Out of the car, and most definitely out of Eddie’s life. But if he was losing this like he seemed to lose everything, Eddie wanted to at least say a proper goodbye. 
“See you later Alligator!” Eddie shouted through the window. Steve turned back, haloed by the setting sun, looking far too angelic for a gangly fourteen year old. 
“In a while Crocodile,” Steve called back with a slight laugh, just a shadow of his former self, turning and rushing to his waiting parents who gave Eddie one last glare before slamming the door shut. 
Eddie waited a second, staring at the locked door and listening to the song on the radio, wishing that the burning in his eyes would just disappear the way Steve had. 
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and care?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain
Shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Eddie opened his eyes again, back in the present, to find Steve already watching him. 
In another world, things worked out differently, but not in this one. 
In reality, Steve didn’t come to Hellfire the next day. Tommy was at his locker bright and early, there to laugh the whole thing off and drag Steve to try-outs come hell or high water. Eddie had seen the whole thing, and he had known then and there Steve wasn’t one of them. Steve’s cheek was still bruised, but there were finger shapes on his wrist that definitely hadn’t been there the day before during detention. He had glanced at Eddie, but quickly glanced away, agreeing loudly that try-outs were going to be awesome. 
When Steve had caught his eye that day, when he had tried to say he was sorry without words, Eddie hadn’t been in a place to listen. He had a thousand chips of his own weighing on his shoulders, and an inability to see anything but his own opinion as right. 
There was no way to be two things at once, not back then. 
But that bruised beat up kid was in front of him again, big hazel eyes begging for forgiveness again. And this time, Eddie finally felt ready to give it to him. 
“Hi Alligator,” Eddie whispered, the words barely able to get out past the lump in his throat. A small smile graced Steve’s lips as his eyes began to shine in the dark. 
“It’s been a while, Crocodile,” Steve whispered back. 
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stancysource · 1 year
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STEVE & NANCY 2.01 | "Madmax"
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flowercrowngods · 1 year
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i just figure steve deserves some actual healing, and nancy needs to own up (something something don't thank those who broke you for making you grow)
Steve’s not very proud of it, but being alone with Nancy always makes him a bit antsy. Like the history between them is making the air sizzle and cackle with guilt and treacherous what ifs that Steve doesn’t really care about but can’t help obsessing over. Not in a desirable way, just in an If I don’t think through every possible outcome of this specific scenario, I am going to combust on the spot. 
So he thinks about Nancy. Like that, sometimes, but not because he wants her. It’s just… He knows her either like that or not at all. They never really talked about what happened. They never really cleared the air and instead let the heaviness settle. 
Maybe it’s because heaviness in the air is all Steve knows, but it is starting to wear on him. Especially after everything he said in the face of approaching death. He meant it, too, but in retrospective, he is aware he only sees Nancy with him because no one else ever let him see himself somewhere. 
And Nancy let him. When she knew damn well that her heart wasn’t with Steve. She let him. 
And she let him in the Upside Down, too, let him ramble and let him apologise and let him thank her. I love you, I’m sorry. What the hell am I sorry for?
He wants to be mad, wants her to acknowledge the hurt he went through, wants her to apologise. But it’s been two years. He should be over it. 
How could he be, though? With air so heavy it feels like he’s breathing in lead? 
And now here they are, alone in his house – this big fucking house – and she’s taking a seat on the couch opposite him, both of them leaning sideways against the backrest. 
“Steve,” she begins after a while, her arms around her legs, her head on the couch, looking really pretty in the soft glow of the warm light. 
“What’s up?” 
They’re quiet. Somehow, with Nancy, Steve is always quiet. 
There must be a poem in this somewhere. 
She sighs and just looks at him for a while with that look. That Nancy Wheeler look of I’ve got you all figured out but you need to help me fit the pieces together and show both of us you’re more than the mere sum of your life’s pieces. Steve swallows and waits, mirroring her position on the couch. 
“I need you to take that back. What you said in the Upside Down.” 
His heart skips a bit, the lead growing heavier now, turning into apprehension and dread and the fear of being seen by Nancy Wheeler. Or the fear of having her think that she sees him when she never really did. And now she’s asking him to take back the one time he needed her to really, truly see him. 
“What do you mean?” It’s barely more than a whisper, but it carries through the heaviness just fine. Don’t reject me now. Not again. Not as your friend. Not as Steve. 
“You called yourself an idiot,” she says, a smile tugging at her lips, but there’s more, so Steve bites his tongue. “And you said something about… You were thanking me. For giving you a hard enough thump on your head so you could change and grow into a better person. Remember?” 
Remember the one time you did not shy away from sincerity because you thought you were going to die and told the one person who let you love her, really love her, that you were thankful for everything that happened even though it ended like it did? Remember the one, the first time, you told anyone about your dream? About your life, your future, your desire? 
Remember, Steve Harrington? 
“Sure,” he rasps, his eyes now breaking away from Nancy, focusing on a loose thread on the blanket thrown over the couch. “What about it?” 
“I need you to take that back.” It’s Nancy’s turn to whisper now, and she sounds so sincere that Steve never wants to look at her again because he’s so scared of what he’ll find in her eyes. 
“Why? It’s true.” 
“No, Steve. No, it’s not.” 
She doesn’t say anything more than that for a while but he feels her gaze on his shoulders. His confusion must show on his face and his head is starting to hurt form the frown between his brows, but still he doesn’t look up. 
“Steve,” she whispers, imploring now, and he closes his eyes because he has a feeling like his world is going to fall apart again any second now, and once more it will be because of Nancy Wheeler. 
Even two years later, she still holds that power, even though she doesn’t hold his heart anymore. 
“That growth, that healing that you did? That’s not on me.” Her voice is wavering and Steve’s frown feels more intense by the second, and maybe he’s clenching his eyes shut. Maybe his hands are shaking where they’re clenched together, wrapped around his shins. “You can’t… I hurt you. I hurt you so bad, Steve, and I know that. You didn’t deserve any of that, and–” 
“You were scared and grieving Nance, it’s–” 
“It’s not fine,” she interrupts him, and she sounds so final that Steve clamps his mouth shut. Everything about him is tense and he doesn’t want to hear it, but at the same time he feels like he can only breathe again when he heard what Nancy has to say. It’s a special kind of torture. The Nancy Kind. 
“It’s not fine, Steve, and… And still you’re out there, thinking you will die, and you thank me? That’s when I realised that I never apologised. I never let you… I just…” A sniffle interrupts her monologue and Steve feels his own eyes beginning to sting. “All that growth, Steve, that’s on you. And you didn’t grow because I thumped your head. I broke your heart. Big time. And you chose to grow. To heal. You chose that. Do you remember when you told me, right after everything happened, ‘It’s okay, Nance?’ and ‘I might be a shitty boyfriend but I’m a damn good babysitter’, or something like that? That’s. That’s you. That’s always been you.
“I’m the one who hurt you. Who broke your heart. But I will not be the one who lets you believe that those who break you get to take any credit in how you heal. I will not be the one who stands by and listens to you calling yourself an idiot in the same breath you’re thanking me for breaking your heart like that.” 
Nancy is crying now, the silent way that will make your voice waver and the tears roll, but that won’t turn into sobs or anything like that. Steve knows, because maybe, maybe he’s crying, too. 
“You can’t spend your life tricking yourself into misguided gratitude when the only one to ever change your life and your heart like that is you, Steve Harrington. Do you hear me?”  
There is a hand on his knee, and suddenly they are hugging, clinging to each other like the lead in the air between them has now settled on their shoulders, and the only way to be okay is to cling to each other with the grip of understanding and forgiveness. 
“I’m so sorry,” Nancy whispers into his neck. “You’re so good, Steve. So good. And you’re all of that because of you.” 
Steve doesn’t really know what to say, and even if he did, he couldn’t say it around the lump in his throat, so all he breathes out is, “Okay,” and, “It’s okay,” and, “Thank you.” 
He’s not sure if Nancy hears, but it doesn’t really matter. She is smart enough to know simply from the way he refuses to let her go, breathing around her for the very first time in two years. And he knows from experience – so much experience – that breathing is where healing starts. He has a notion that they will be fine. Finally, finally, they might be fine.
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findafight · 1 year
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I'm pretty sure the Duffers explicitly stated that Nancy and Steve broke up before she gets with Jonathan, but I, who has watched the show, disagrees immensely. Because the alley scene, looks like a really bad fight and not a breakup. No one says it's over and the fight ends because Steve is needed in class. No where does it really read breakup. Further more, Nancy admits to Jonathan that she has wanted to be with him since last year while she was dating Steve - that's emotional cheating. And she repeatedly calls Steve her boyfriend at Murray's so furthermore, I read that as Nancy cheating.
Exactly exactly. Completely agree. Class is an awkward time to have an argument, and it's clear that there's things unsaid. Word of god can only go so far as not directly contradicting the text?? That's not what we saw? Nancy tells Murray she's with Steve. She doesn't say "I just broke up with Steve". She says she has Steve back home! To me, an audience member, that tells me their relationship isn't over, even if they had a major fight because she's not able to be emotionally vulnerable with him and then leaves for days without telling him. Like jeez Steve probably wasn't the perfect boyfriend but??? That's harsh.
Someone pointed out a while ago that if the genders were switched, there's no way Steve would be the one coming out of it looking bad, which makes a lot of sense. There's interesting gender dynamics happening. Like if Steve were a girl asking her boyfriend if he loved her, to say it, and then being upset when he couldn't it would read differently. Just like if Nancy were a boy going on a two night roadtrip with the girl he swore he didn't cheat with, telling that girl he waited a month for her before going back to the girl who had actually made a (reciprocated) move, telling Murray he was dating someone else, and then sleeping with roadtrip girl. Like. I feel as though very few people would read that as not cheating? Female infidelity is interesting in how media views and portrays it I guess. Or maybe it's because we're supposed to like jancy more than stancy but they really don't want us to think Nancy cheated (which she did) The only reason I can think that they said that is to save face? Not have to talk about it in later seasons?
Also yes!!! Why did they have that line that makes it seem like Nancy was just...with Steve for convenience? Because she didn't want to be alone or something? Because the guy she actually liked wasn't making a move so she got with the guy who vocally liked her? And theydon't address THAT can of worms? And somehow that makes Steve look bad? Because he doesn't know his gf has been waiting for Jonathan to make one singular move on her their whole relationship while he's actually trying to make his relationship work. I know it's probably not like that, that Nancy (probably) did legitimately care for Steve, but taken at face value....uh. yikes. Emotional cheating isn't often shown as seriously as "actual cheating" but yeah. Argument to be made that Nancy was emotionally cheating their...whole relationship and just physically cheated at the end there. Which is...pretty brutal for ol' Stevie boy!
Very frustrating that S4 seemed to bring stancy back but refused to have them actually talk about the issues they had (which, if TPTB don't view Nancy cheating as...Nancy cheating, then it can never actually be done to a satisfying end for me)
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