#ReleaseToHeal
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The best healing is letting go.
#MovingOn#EmotionalFreedom#HealingJourney#ReleaseAndHeal#Closure#Detachment#EmbraceChange#SelfGrowth#Recovery#Renewal#SelfCare#PositiveShift#ReleaseThePast#InnerPeace#ReleaseAndTransform#ReleaseToHeal#ReleaseAndGrow#LettingGo#SelfDiscovery
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sitting at my computer.
cubicle
call center training.
I tried to get a job waitressing or doing art murals or working in a gallery for four months. multiple times, again and again, over 40 venues, with zero responses. zero. except for this call center.
Is it my hair? Is it my vibe? Is it my voice?
I comfort myself telling myself that maybe they’re just jealous,
to see someone comfortable in their natural appearance,
makes them feel inadequate -
so they toss me out and away so
they don’t have to deal.
I asked for help
i’d work for it.
I try
again again and again.
Die a bit more.
Pump myself up with dance, song, guided meditation
try again
and again
and again
and
again.
nothing.
So goodbye to my art for now,
everyday I get home
can’t think straight,
my mind has been raped with all this computer service bullshit
no space for sacred woman.
my art was what everyone needed
but I need to eat
and a roof over my head. no family or lover to help me.
tattooing on weeknights and weekends to be able to buy some food
just making enough to survive
in this 9-5
but I feel physical aching pains in my chest everyday
haunted with violent spaces and traumatized people
in this broken, dark, cold city.
this is no space for a sensitive soul
no space for an empath healer
no space for an artist
sometimes at night
I hear the women scream and cry
in the townships
I feel their pain like stabs and beatings on my body
like blades grating out my chest.
I remember the haunting memories
of being forced to watch animal slaughter
always me - kicking and screaming and fighting for my right not to watch the violence
but them forcing and holding me down
they love their violence
they love their pain
they will never support my freedom
no one to look out for me
I gotta look out for myself.
I almost made it out, once...
false alarm
spent all my savings left
The escape ended up being the worst decision
travel a momentary pleasure
all my 7 years savings gone
back here
having to start again
in this broken, torturing system
I stay playing positive tunes
shaman songs myself to sleep
scelethium
hoping
dreaming
one day i’ll have enough saved
to get out of here again
and all around me
everyone so full of misery and bitterness and pain
bad vibes
where is the love?
alone we are so weak
just ego
but we still refuse to love and help each other
always want to teach and punish each other
the patriarchy winning again
false communities
we watch each other suffer like its some soothing entertainment
never ready to just help and share.
no soul who can speak any kind of soothing love into my soul
my suffering ignored, as theirs is their only sight
they can’t see past
no one
to share love with
a hand or
a heart
to share hope with
just me myself and I
wishing. hoping. praying. one day
i’ll get out of this
i’ll find my tribe
i’ll find my love
we’ll have eachother
through all
trust eachother
lift eachother
heal eachother
heal the earth
all its people
and lands
but for now
I cry myself into and out of work
flow through the darkness
one day
i’ll be free again
heal again.
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