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maine-writes · 5 years

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Sandperson

A quiet evening indoors; exactly what the raccoon ordered. Maine, Patty, and their roommate, Brie, watched a classic movie on their TV; Sun Wars IV.

They were at a very particular scene. Leon Starkiller had just ventured into the Cragg Wastes, the vast canyon wasteland on the desert planet, Utapau, and was ambushed by the Sandpersons, a savage race of robed humanoids who raid settlements.

One of these Sandpersons, which is a rather odd name, let out a victory cry, a strange gutteral shout reminiscent of a braying donkey or a sea lion.

Brie, upon hearing these sounds, seemed to shudder.

"What was that about?" Patty asked, notkng her friend's odd reaction.

"What was what about?" She said.

"You shuddered." Patty continued. "Like shook, vibrated."

"Maybe she finds Sandpersons creepy." Maine suggested, trying not to be left out. "Those weird masks are a bit scary."

"Yep, that's it." Brie confirmed, albeit rather quickly. "I'm creeped out by them."

"No wait." Patty said, "Maine, do the noise."

To Brie's surprise, the raccoon mimicked the exact shout of a Sandperson.

"What? I can speak sci-fi languages." He explained, which doesn't exactly explain why and how he knows how to speak sci-fi languages.

But this time, there was no reaction from the mouse. Not even a twinge.

"Maine." Patty continued, her eyes narrowing as she stares down the mouse. "Do the noise again, but swing the stick in the air."

Once more, the raccoon let out the same gutteral roar. But this time, he brandished the same sort of weapon wielded by Sandpersons; a stick with a spiked club on one end and a bladed end.

This time, Brie shuddered, the shaking seemingly beginning in her abdomen and spreading outward to the tip of her tail and her big ears. The embarassed mouse's face became flushed with red as she stared into the unbroken gaze of the opossum, whose eyes glimmered with a sinister light.

"Oh you naughty little mouse." Patty teased. "You're into that aren't you?"

"Into what?" Maine asked, curiously.

Despite Brie's silent pleas, Patty began to explain the mouse's most horrific secret.

"So think a savage predator." She said to an attentive Maine. "Like domineering, rough, a little violent, and dangerous."

"Oh, like that scene at the end of Zootopia." Maine said.

"Exactly like that!"

The evil glimmer in Patty's eyes then shined in Maine's, much to the despair of Brie. The raccoon then pressed the bladed end of the stick against the mouse.

"So, you like predators, prey?" He growled, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Harder..." the mouse moaned under her breath.

Maine quickly took a step back, threw the stick through the window, and raised his little critter paws in the air.

"Nope." He said, his eyes wide as saucers, as he left to wash his paws.

Patty couldn't control her laughter, and was now rolling on the floor, kicking at air, crying from laughter.

Brie, who was now even more red than before, was frozen stiff. Then she was filled by embarassed rage.

"This isn't funny, Patty!" She yelled. "Now I can't get it out of my mind."

"Get what out?" Patty giggled, drying her eyes.

For a moment, Patty thought. Wondering what Brie meant. Then she noticed that the embarassed mouse was still vibrating, like a phone, but grey and furry.

"Oh. Whoops." Patty said. "Right, rodentia. Woefully single. Uh oh."

"You didn't have to add 'woefully', you know." hissed the mouse.

The two critters awkwardly sat in the living room, not at all enjoying each other's company. Not in Brie's current state at least.

"Maybe you can-" Patty began.

"No. Trust me, I tried." Brie interrupted. "Maybe I can borrow-"

"No!" Patty said. "I mean; No. Off limits."

After a rather extended amount of time skirting around the awkwardness, Brie was put in a pot of ice water.

As the mouse cooled off, Patty and Maine waited on the couch.

"You know how close I was to saying 'Yes'?" She blurted out without rhyme or reason, to the confusion of Maine. "Sort of out of pity, plus I feel bad, and I think it would be funny to watch."

"...what?" said Maine, completely unaware of the conversation that occured in his absence.

"Never you mind, you adorable idiot." Patty assured him. "Just a random thought."

#one time Pats told me that if she died she wanted me to marry Brie cuz she couldnt stand to think of me being alone #i said that that was from Brooklyn 99 #we laughed #but then she said that if she died and i married someone else she would haunt me and make sex awkward #which led to a conversation about hauntings #which led to a story of a ghost couple who couldnt possess their own bodies due to ghost law so they possessed each others

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themurphyzone · 7 years

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Mayor Murphy Ch 9

This chapter is based on something that aggravated me a lot on Animal Crossing Population Growing as a kid.

Ch 9- Mission: Retrieve Pikachu

“I lost my favorite Pikachu, and I’m way too hungry to go out and look for it,” Bones complained. “Can you two go out and look for me? I’ll just stay here and mope miserably for the rest of my dog years.” The dog laid on a bed in a far corner, tail limply hanging between his legs.

Vinnie patted him on the back. “Sure thing. We’ll have that, uh, you said a Pikachu? Could you describe it so we know what it looks like?”

“Um, it has two black eyes, a mouth, a body, and it’s the color of a banana that hasn’t browned yet.” Bones shook his head, his ears drooping. “Man, my brain is completely mush. All I can think of is Pikachu and food, yip yip.”

“How helpful,” Balthazar grumbled.

“No worries! We’ll get your Pikachu back! Where did you see it last?” Vinnie asked.

“Flora thought it was cute and wanted to borrow it for a while,” Bones muttered.

“See, what’s so hard about that?” Vinnie asked. “We head to Flora’s, grab Pikachu, and the task will be over before you know it!”

It was a beautiful day, so Murphy set up the booth by the seashore. He hung up the sign that had ‘Free Friend’ painted in rainbow colors with a stylized arrow pointing to him.

“Now all I have to do is wait for someone to wander by. Then I’ll ask them to be my friend so we can do fun friend things! Like singing by the campfire, or making bracelets, and can’t forget snowball fights! It will be glorious!” Murphy exclaimed.

Something hit the back of his head and bounced off. He turned around to see a bottle lying in the sand as well as a furious Eloise, who was clutching another bottle in her trunk. “Pipe down! You’re disrupting my meditation time! This is the only clover patch in town, and I intend to use it properly!”

Right. She was one of those crazy Leprechaunists. “Do you want to be my friend?” he asked.

His effort was rewarded with a bottle to the face.

“Guess not.”

Flora had a thing for plastic flamingos. More accurately, she had a thing for pretending to be a plastic flamingo. There was a sign in her front yard declaring “Flora’s not here. She’s pretending to be a yard decoration right now. If you want to talk, find her yourself!” There was a whole maze of them outside her hot pink house. Balthazar had seen these things before in suburban homes. They were an eyesore, in his opinion. No functional purpose at all.

As a trained agent, he was supposed to be able to pick out a needle in a haystack with ease. The key words were “supposed to”.

“Found her yet?” Balthazar called, tossing aside a plastic flamingo with a party hat.

“No! But you have to see this one! It’s got googly eyes!” Vinnie tapped the stand, making the eyes jiggle. He laughed. “We should get one of these things. Maybe two, because I wouldn’t want them to be lonely.”

No. Just no. There were enough flamingos to last a lifetime. His nightmares were going to switch from the world going down in flame and ashes to flamingo armies enslaving humanity, he was sure.

“You take the left flank, and I’ll search the right,” Balthazar ordered. “Leave no stand unchecked!”

Vinnie looked up from his shrimp crackers. “I was listening,” he protested.

“Did you have those the entire time?” Balthazar asked.

“I always have a bag of snacks on my person,” Vinnie said. “Thought you knew that?”

Next to him, a flamingo wobbled and craned her long neck slightly. She seemed to be eyeing the shrimp crackers. Vinnie noticed and offered the bag to her, drawing back when she thrust her head in and noisily gobbled down the crackers.

“That’s one way to out a flamingo,” Balthazar remarked. “Now, Bones said you had his Peekaboo-”

“Pikachu,” Vinnie corrected.

“Gesundheit,” Balthazar said. “And he’d like it back.”

Flora said something, but the bag was stuck on her beak so everything came out garbled. Vinnie pulled it off for her. “Thanks, I owe you! For the crackers and the bag, pinky! Asking about Pikachu, huh? Pikachu’s gone. Puck was visiting and he liked Pikachu so much he didn’t even ask me if he could have it! Just up and took it!”

Balthazar rubbed his temples in irritation.

Murphy’s friendship booth wasn’t attracting anyone except for a few crabs that wandered by. And even then, they seemed more interested in the shells that decorated the base rather than the bear behind it.

Maybe it wasn’t noticeable enough? Murphy groaned. He didn’t have the Bells for more materials.

“I don’t have him! I swear I don’t!” Puck shouted, straining at his ropes. “Please don’t break that hockey stick! That was from my first tournament ever!”

Instead of dropping the stick, Balthazar held it close to Puck’s beak so he could clearly see the wood splinter as it slowly broke under an iron grip. Behind him, Vinnie disposed of the other sports equipment that had been broken, deflated,and ruined during the interrogation.

Puck gulped, sweating nervously. “Okay, I’ll tell you! He’s with Savannah! She thought he was cute!”

“Savannah’s here?” Balthazar gasped, then cleared his throat. “How do you know her? She’s not to be trusted. Attractive women like her are very deceitful.”

“With an attitude like that, I’m starting to see why that blind date mission was a bust,” Vinnie muttered.

Balthazar whipped around. “What was that?”

Vinnie scratched his head. “I, uh, said I was craving pie crusts! Yup! Cause you can’t have a filling without the base! Man, now I really want pie.”

“How do you know Savannah?” Balthazar asked.

“Uh-well. we kinda met when she wrangled me with her killer lasso by mistake,” Puck blushed. “She’s the loveliest zebra I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Zebra,” Balthazar said, secretly relieved that they wouldn’t have to deal with higher-ranked agents. He was sick of being one-upped. “Which way did she go?”

“Lasso practice,” Puck said. “Out by the apple orchard I think.”

Balthazar untied the ropes that bound Puck to the chair, leaving him to mourn the loss of his hockey sticks.

Murphy had dozed off, only to be rudely awakened by a painful zap. “I didn’t take the giraffe’s sassafras!” he yelled. “Don’t arrest me!” His shirt was tattered from the shock, green fur slightly singed and smoking.

Peering over the booth, he found a small, yellow mouse snickering at his discomfort. “Hi. Would you like to be my friend?” Murphy asked.

“Pika!” the mouse nodded, holding out his paw.

Murphy shook it, and the mouse’s cheeks sparked with electricity as he zapped him again, completely destroying his shirt.

The mouse laughed and scampered off.

“That was my...favorite shirt,” Murphy said dazedly.

“Oh, that little ol’ thing?” Savannah said. “Nothin’ but trouble, I tell y’all. Started eating mah apples so Ah chased him off. He scuttled off to the beach.”

Finally. Nice to know there was one sane animal in this town. However, now that they knew this ‘Pikachu’ was a living creature and not just a doll or action figure, things could get complicated. Balthazar had no qualms about stuffing it in a bag and dumping it on Bones’ doorstep, but Vinnie usually objected to that sort of thing.

As they headed down to the beach, they saw Eloise meditating in a clover patch and took extra care to sneak behind her so she didn’t start proclaiming her love for leprechauns again.

Down on the beach, two canine police officers were dragging an unconscious green bear off the sand. “Murphy. Why is it always Murphy?” one of them complained.

“He must’ve knocked that bear out,” Balthazar mused. “And somehow got in and out of town without anyone noticing. What if he also stole Pikachu from Bones? Dakota, we must find out where Agent Murphy is hiding at once! That Pikachu is in danger!”

Vinnie groaned. “You owe me dinner when this mission inevitably fails like the others.”

Balthazar glared at him.

“What?”

Pikachu hopped off the train and weaved in between the larger animals’ legs. A hippopotamus almost stepped on his tail, and he barely moved the appendage out of the way. Disoriented, he ran down the stairs on all fours to a less crowded area, turning in a random direction.

Only to slam into a glass door.

“Whoops, sorry about that!” a voice exclaimed. “Lucky for you I always keep a minimum of five first aid kits in my backpack!”

#milo murphy's law #pikachu #balthazar cavendish #vinnie dakota #animal crossing #mayor murphy #poor murphy bear #aka balthazar does potentially illegal stuff and murphy bear wants friends

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