#RJM related rambles
Text
Morning Pages
Morning Pages is practice created by Julia Cameron but I heard it from Ali Abdaal. I am an active journaller. I've kept a bullet journal since 2018 and have held a multitude of diaries, personal, public and visual. While I use my bullet journal everyday for planning, I've only realised recently the merit in stream of consciousness writing. I watched Struthless' video on replacing social media with micro-journaling which is how I got into the habit of micro-journaling. I did this on my phone it what a pretty useful grounding strategy for when I would get anxious at school or on public transport. I intended to replace social media with it but I'm not quite ready to leave Instragram.
So now we get to morning pages. There are a few reasons I wanted to pick it up.
1. Apparently I need to nourish my creativity
Now that sounds really stupid but this first semester in a creative course has really changed me (as dorky as that sounds). My creativity has always felt to be abundant prior to uni. When I was on the VCE grind, there wasn't many ways I could dispel my creativity. Now I've been thrown into the deep-end where I have to be creative and SHARE it almost everyday. Couple that with being exposed to some of the greatest creative works and minds, it's been draining. I have felt lacking in the creative department. I went from being the "art one" to being in a room with all the "art ones".
Now I'm not one to fall into the comparison hell hole but I certainly felt the need to up my game so to speak. It's not a competition like VCE, so why do I feel like I'm losing?
All my previous journals and diaries have primarily centred around planning and mental health. But none on my creative well-being. I don't take notes in my sketchbook or take the time at all really to reflect on my art. The only thoughts I have about my work is "shit and not shit". Okay I might be being hyperbolic but thats just what I do.
Essentially, I think morning pages might be my way of making sure my creative juices aren't being drained to the point of drought. It's weird being "a creative" and it sounds so pretentious. I don't completely hate it, it's better than being a "content creator". We'll see how I go.
2. I need something to do in the morning
My routine this semester was atrocious. I would get up extremely early for class and rush out the door to make it to Elizabeth street in time. On days I didn't have class I would sleep in until 12. On days I'd be working, I do nothing all day until my shift started because I would be so anxious I would lose track of time and be late.
These past few weeks I have been sick. 2 solid weeks of being sick, half of it covid related. Because of this I've been stuck inside what fun. What's interesting though is I've had completely free time for me to mould. Different to the lockdowns of years prior, I've had full control over my day without the burden of online school. It's just been me and my assignments.
Okay hold on I'm getting ahead of myself. Which is essentially the point of morning pages but the actual stream of consciousness hasn't began yet, this is still the preamble darling. I'm exhausting I know, get a grip will you!
My current routine has been pretty consistent and natural. Get up at 8:30, open the blinds immediately. Which was something I didn't do. But with my SAD revelation I've realised immediate sunlight is a bit of a bare necessity. I then jump out of bed and thats my day started. Bathroom, breakfast, Wordle etc. Then what? I don't want to start my work now. It's still the morning! C'mon lemme wake up first!
This typically leads to watching random videos on YouTube or scrolling through Instagram reels. Or on a BAD DAY watching YouTube Shorts. Good fucking lord my poor little brain.
Listen, I'm not a fan of the That Girl routine. There's no way in hell I'm going for a morning run do you think I'm a dickhead. On some days I do get sucked into a That Girl Instagram page and find myself watching 20,000 reels of the same shots of a white womans yoga mat and lemon water. There's a certainly something comforting about it, even though it's intention is to be inspirational. Oh Teddy's ranting about That Girls! Sorry about that.
The point is, as much as I don't believe in the ✨ Success, Manifest, Productive Morning routine ✨ rhetoric, I did feel my morning routine was missing something. After I would write my to-do list I'd have to get straight into ticking it off and that felt wrong.
I think morning pages is the solution to that. The term "brain dump" didn't really work for me, I think this does. Brain dump implied that these thoughts were silly and needed to be expelled in order to get to work. I like the idea of morning pages as it gives value to these morning anxieties and left over thoughts from the previous day.
3. I am a terrible writer
I am god awful at articulating anything. A conversation with me consists of "oh really? oh damn. oh HAHA. wtf? bruh? dorime. you know brett domino got his pants at a motorway service station?" yeah it's bad. My coursework without the proofreading from my own mother is unintelligible. Don't get me started on my tenses. I'm not sure why I struggle so much with writing but I imagine lack of practice has something to do with it. The thing is, I know I'm capable of great writing. Morning pages is a desperate attempt to unearth the... I was gonna say Shakespeare in me but that's not quite right.
A POEM I WROTE:
200222
2. I think I have
too much elbow.
I hope you enjoyed my reasons as to why I've decided to pick up this habit. I've been here for almost an hour with 1000 words and haven't even made it to the main part of the exercise. So here it goes.
I use the words but and a lot. I don't know what that says about me. Maybe that I have a lot to say and house many contradictions. Anyway this morning I listened to an album called Prioritise Pleasure by Self Esteem. I heard Self Esteem on the Cuddle Club podcast. Just typing Cuddle Club makes me crave fried chicken. Every Monday I get fried chicken and eat it while listening to Cuddle Club. Self Care at it's finest really. With the spicy bird clutched gripped in my tiny grubby hands I noticed Self Esteem, real name Rebbeca Lucy Taylor, sounds (accent wise) much like a little fellow named Rob J Madin. I like that theres no period after J, it's like it stands for nothing, it's just J! I think it stands for John but who am I to assume. With my oily paws I tapped into my web browser of choice "self esteem music where from" and my phone replied by displaying ROTHERHAM. Keep in mind, I have no idea how things work in the UK. They don't have states, I think they have counties? They have something called the North and South and the midlands. I honestly can't wrap my head around it. What was of importance to me was that Rotherham was accompanied on the map by another word in a larger font size that read SHEFFIELD. Which was all I needed to know.
I wondered if RJM was a fan of Self Esteem. I'd only just found her but he must know about her already, probably pre-self esteem era too. I logged that little thought in the back of my mind and it sat there. Until the other day where I was scrolling through Brett Domino's replies like an absolute stalker and saw he inquired about two tickets to see Self Esteem. I was a bit pleased with myself, I'VE CONNECTED THE DOTS! NO YOU HAVEN'T! Then this lovely morning I had another look at RJM's Best Albums of 2021 and noticed, oh yeah Self Esteem is on this.
"Stonking pop album from RLT.
Huge. 10/10."
Right there.
So now I'm listening to the album.
All the songs sound the same to me. That isn't a criticism, I just have really terrible ears. This happens with almost every album I listen to. So I have to listen to the album 3-4 times before I can actually hear the music. The other way is I sit there and listen and take notes. It sounds ridiculous because it is. I had to keep notes for Doja Cat's Planet HER. An exert from said notes:
"Woman: I've heard this one B4."
I've listened to Prioritise Pleasure almost twice now and my favourite track so far is How Can I Help You.
Let's talk about some juicy stuff now. Oh really teddy? We've been where for an hour and a half! Yes really! Sit down now.
I spoke to a dear friend last night regarding my personal qualms. Afterwards I felt a new sense of security and lightness. Is this what talking about your feelings honestly feels like? My main issue was my assignment that was due 2 days ago. I had put immense pressure on myself to make it marvellous which led to me procrastinating as per. But what my dear friend reminded me of was something of my character. Truth is I've been having an identity crises recently and she put to bed the nonsense thoughts I was having about who I am. She assured that some things are just not me. That somethings might look pretty and impressive but they're not me. She told me I have my own personal style. She said that I have my own way. Which as a creative is the best thing you can hear. I have a style? I have a me? Over the past few months I've been picking at idols and thinking "Oh I so wanna be them". I've been looking at Instagram and thinking "How do I get this style. How did this person come up with their style. Why don't I have this aesthetic. Why is everything in my room so mismatched. How do I unify my space." ABSOLUTE NONSENSE TO BE FAIR.
She assured me I just had to let my style grow, that it will come to me. Who you are will just, be. She has no style inspiration, she is herself. Which is absolutely true btw. If you know her you'll see her style and it is simply her.
This is what I needed to hear, as a designer and as a person. That I will live and who I am will follow.
So yeah. Breakthrough! That's all I have to say. Also that Self Esteem is quite similar to RJM, by that I mean they exert the same old millennial having a crises energy. Simplification but yeah.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
olgatalbot12-blog
Olga _Hale
leonjakub1
Untitled
ftmcutiepie
💕Fakeboy💕
eowima
boop
marcellorast
Marcello Rast