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selcouth-vast-poet · 11 months

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okay i tthink i did it YIPPEEEE

#I FINALLY TOOK A GOOD PICTURE GOOD GOD #taking my words back that is a very mid picture at best #but. i cant stress abough how bad my camera is #that mark scene where he sobs and vomits after seeing his friends mothers corpse is probably. the one embedded more in my brain #poor guy... love seeing you suffer though!#the other ones just alt!cesar being so so silly! maybe a little joking around even #dont ask about the unfinsihed hood on marks drawing. its all in your head. not real /j #hail true body au #OH WAIT I FORGOR #tw emetophobia #my art

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astarionz · 3 months

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. Saw the overwatch new season leaks ............ Fuck i cant skip this season.. .

#if the leaks are true.. its eldritch themed and Moira is getting the mythic............#txt #omg wait. iwonder if theyre doing a valentines event again like the dating sim last year #the hero changes are going to be literally absolutely miserable though oh my god i need to complain about them to someone

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aki40-7 · 9 months

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What is one song that reminds you of your f/o more than anything?

#The ultimate comfort songs of all time #okay so aira has like a good handful. but currently beyond his inspo song (true love restraint)#mania by the blake robinson synthetic orchestra is SO aira #alec is a bit harder to pinpoint he isn't inspired by a song like many of my ocs are. i would say never change by apashe #just cause i've associated him with that song for a very long time even though the au i'm currently Obsessed With doesn't have much to do #with the themes of that song #honestly no idea for fenris or anders cause i'm not nearly as attached to them as i am to my own ocs :')#okay lentil. is a very new character. uhm.#OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO SAY MEANT TO BE YOURS FROM HEATHERS FOR AIRA??? THAT SONG IS LITERALLY HIM ITS SO HIM #lentil i'm gonna say freeze your brain from heathers cause it's so funny and it just reminds me of him.#lentil is NOTHING like jason dean but aira is a LOT like jason dean. just freeze your brain is lentilcore #for self-inserts that's super easy cause they're literally me but different.#for cam it's easily nukeochita by seto sounder or birthday kid by mili. or bathtub mermaid or red dahlia both by mili #cam is a very mili sort of character #for morrigan!!! very very much me rn moonlight and black by machigerita which is the song she's inspired by #she is literally just an allegory for bpd and for extreme guilt and misery.#another song that really fits her is confrontation by anthony warlow from the jekyll and hyde play. also birthday kid by mili #proselfship #proship selfship #pro selfship #proship safe #oh no way i forgot about ALYA #okay in my defense. alya is a newer character too i just made her for this au she's under construction i don't have an amazing grasp on her #i would sayyyy perhaps idontwannabeyouanymore by billie eilish? that's such a cop-out tbh #heathaze🧡#frostbitten❄️#true love restraint🗡#moonlightandblack #languishing🥀#satyrical💚

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end-orfino · 13 days

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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic

#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks #or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow #him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their #entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho #w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode #It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just #like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked #away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write #the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol #you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what #has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for #the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba #too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool #Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions #of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous #ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long #and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good #enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one #special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person #or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first #sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol #Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes #lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi #re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype #then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever #or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring

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gregoftom · 1 year

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gross

#tomgreg #THEYR E SO CUTE IM GONNA actually be sick.#i hate so much tom's fuckin. laugh here bc its so high pitched and heS NOT HOLDING BACK. AGAIN.#something something he's his true self around greg something something after years of repression he feels alive again something something #schoolboy tom makes another appearance. he's so playful!!!#AND TOUCHING GREG'S SUIT AGAIN. just like the tie before in fucking UHHH i cant remember the episode. but s2 i think.#he does it really quickly though. like he remembers they're in public and he's gotta stop treating greg like they really are spouses.#and abt the next part don't worry i'm gonna be. talking. about That. but this part gets its own bit bc!!!!!! man #OH AND DONT THINK I DIDNT NOTICE GREG TOUCHING TOM TOO. TOUCHING HIS ARM UNNECESSARILY. they're so touchy here. sigh. sigh.#yet not a hug. just light touches. a hug would be too friendly. if that makes sense? these touches are more. spousal.#like you'd hug your mate at a party right. and sure you might hug a partner or spouse. but idkkk idk it reads more.#just the touchings of the suits. oh you look nice tonight dear. don't wanna spoil your pretty outfit. that'll happen later at home. GODDDDDD #BECAAAAAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAY NEXT!!! THE WHOLE. PROVE IT THING! OH HH GODDHNWEW #my head cracks open. ok okok ig ot ta go i'm going i'm fucking. bye #im so fuckin pressed about the nero sporus thing IF TOM HADNT SAID THAT BULLSHIT I WOULDNT BE THINKING SHIT LIKE THIS #i mean maybe i would BUT I WOULDNT ACTUALLY PUT ANY STOCK IN IT BC HE WOULDNT HAVE SAID IT OUT RIGHT. god. i'm in pain #lord send the plagues. end my suffering

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caffeinatedopossum · 11 months

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Constantly being told to do things with the "proper form" and then continuing to get injured, sometimes worse than in the "wrong form", my entire life because of ehlers danlos syndrome really did something to me

#'no i dont have trust issues' *extensively googles anything my physical therapist says before actually doing it*#listen i lost my faith in everyone a long time ago #the physical therapy trauma is a whole nother story though 0_0 oh my god #i didnt realize that the advice you get about form is ALWAYS intended for someone without EDS #and while some of it stays true others can be harmful #its a real hassle having to constantly wonder what general advice i can and cant take

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shopcat · 2 months

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also yes that aquarium at the very least encouraging to outright lying and sensationalising a "hybrid" between their ray and a BAMBOO SHARK is pissing me off don't piss me offff... it's not even people say like Falling for it bc it's not anyone's fault for believing people you SHOULD be able to trust (scientific media) (who notoriously never lie oh no...) esp if you have people muddying the waters talking about the dogxim case or whatever it's just like ugh. shut up. the ray producing asexually is still really interesting and an amazing discovery i'm sure like it doesn't NEED to be sensationalised... -_-

#🐾#like yeah they're related but not THAT closely related omfg. it's literally impossible #you can't have an ape/human hybrid either even though we're related #and people bringing up the ''fox'' hybrid LIKE OH MY GOD. ITS NOT ACTUALLY A FOX. ITS A CANINE SPECIES CLOSELY RELATED TO DOGS ALREADY #a true fox and a dog would literally never be able to hybridise 😭 it's still an interesting case like i just. ugh. sensationalism drives me #crazy...

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thecubes · 5 months

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i am inherently super uncool but i hope its part of my charm

#constantly fumbling saying very aged jokes. or just not making any sense at all 🥲👍#occasionally am funny though. its my dad charm #oh god its true im a dad #my child is the sleeping pikachu plushie

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fleshdyke · 1 year

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me currently ^

#(csa warning for tags)#jeeesus i am so done with everything. its not wven that bad i dont know why i’m as upset as i am #school is just fucking hell the past couple days for some reason. even though we literally just had march break. idk. the cycle is really #hitting me hard lately i guess #and my fucking anxiety is coming back like i swear to god everyone is staring at me and laughing and i know it’s not true but jfc it feels #like it. it hasn’t been this bad since before my diagnosis #and i’m absolutely convinced my friends fucking hate me and we’ve kicked ppl out of our friend group before (they were racist and #transphobic) and im so fucking scared it’ll happen to me #and i know it’s a completely unfounded fear but oh my god its fucking paralyzing #and i feel like im seven again and completely and utterly alone and im so so so scared of it happening again #im so fucking scared of being alone. i just want someone to talk to #and like the reason i’m spiralling isn’t even important. it’s literally bc some of my friends have stopped eating lunch with me #like it’s so fucking stupid but i can’t get over it #and two of them don’t bc they got imto relationships and im happy for them and i know its not expected or anything to get into one in hs #like logically i know that and i tell myself that all the time but godddd it doesnt stop me from feeling like im fucking broken all the time #literally not a single person has ever seen me as anything other than a friend. and im not even fully convinced abt that.#like. why does everyone have experiences with ppl liking them and not a single person ever has liked me #like what the fuck is so wrong with me that no one will ever love me #literally the only fucking person who has ever wanted me. EVER. was a grown fucking man that raped me as a child #and i cant even fucking remember it. I CANT REMEMBER WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE WANTED #and i know its some sick twisted way to look at it. like this grown fucking man raped me when i was younger than 8 and all i can think about #is how that was the only time anyone’s ever wanted me #and like i don’t even actually WANT anything. i just want someone to like me. i want someone to like me so fucking bad #the scariest part abt it is that i want it to fucking happen again because i just want to be wanted #i’m absolutely fucking terrified of never being wanted. ever. it’s the scariest shit in the world to me #bc as far as my life has been it’s been true. all my childhood bullies have been fucking right #the only time i have ever been desirable was when i was younger than 8. now people literally fucking gag when they look at me #and i dont fucking know what to do #rambles #vent

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ei-mugi · 4 months

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my main hurdle with my dcaf fic is my depression but my 2nd task-related hurdle is not knowing what eichi should be doing at my ambiguous and butchered chosen place in time--- nvm see the notes

#i already fucked up the start of checkmate but its fine the details dont have to be perfect #its so early on i can write a way around that. who cares #whats important is that it stays like thematically coherent. and characterisation needs to be consistent #but also liiike. whats----------- oh.#okay. i just thought of a solution to my problem #thats really easy why didnt i think of this months ago #ok im gonna write that down somewhere for after i finish my BB fic #and then several yaers down the line once i have a nicely wrapped and finished dcaf i can rewrite the whole thing to make it #accurate-er to the canon timeline of events. making a timeline just isnt fun to me sorry #the goal with dcaf wasnt to make it perfect it was to make it done yknow #i wanted to prove to myself i could write a longfic (or medfic at least) & that i could have a bare minimum satisfying narrative #so staying entirely true to canon isnt high on my priority list #learn how to make the thing THEN learn how to make it well u get me #i love roleplay but ive never done a whole lot of individual writing lol #i still need to reread those reminiscence events though... sigh... and ideally fluff out with some other stories too #i gotta manage my expectations on what i know im able to get done tho. sad but true #thank god i actually wrote notes when i was reading rocket start #i started writing notes when i started obbligato too tho im not far into that yet ive got other stuff to do #im totally distracted ok wrapping post up now

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asteraceaye · 9 months

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So my final project for this class is video art and I was gonna touch up my undercut for it but my professor said it'd be more dramatic if I buzz my whole head and guess who did just that and desperately misses it already

#it was only like 3/4ish months of growth but 😭😭#i better get a fucking A in this class i swear to god if i lost my hair because of this project AND DONT MAINTAIN MY 4.0 OH I WILL RAMPAGE #this is also like the first time i was like #yeah lemme grow out my hair #and actively wasnt wanting to go back to a buzz cut #oh well i do like my buzz cuts it just looks so fucking strange because its back to being super short #it probably doesnt help that i put on makeup for the project and actively made myself dysphoric akdjhdh #i was joking about making myself dysphoric for the project but I didn't actually expect that itd be true #it was so bad i cant look at my face rn because it literally looked like how i was in high school and my freshman year of college #and it's eeee my face seems round even though i know its no longer not #im just icked #im going hard for the dysphoric meaning now and im going to explicitly say it in class tomorrow #aster rambles #aster is actively avoiding his video project because his laptop is protesting

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abimee · 11 months

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ruyan and chefant could never break up because the overseeing god of their fate (Minthe) (Sarah) (Aria) has designated them as having to be forever each other's perfect half. they are incapable of seperating once connected and its why he doesnt die. this has only happened twice in the entire timeline of my ocverse

#the first time was Luka/Luka and Melo... oh my god #oh my god...#those two were MADE for each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#luke even giving up his soul cut in half to balance out the tear in the universe and the other half being reborn #as a child that Melo raises and even names Luka once more and cares for her more than anything in the world #even though Melo was chased from her own city for being a Witch and made to side with the kins #and she always carried around the calicified soul of Luke one placed over her heart and the other half to Luka's heart....#Melo and Luke always and forever in love #second one are Clarence and Anthony. those two are just soul mates #clarence is an asshole and stuck up and a square. a total cube of a man #in bed at 7 needs people to say excuse me when passing him level square #what does anthony see in him? well technically clarence sees god in anthonys eyes. so they get married age 20 #when its all over they get true true married like at the chapel and they drive off on anthonys motorcycle..........

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old-knightsvow · 1 year

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avoiding tumblr like the plague because getting spoiled for an episode that releases on Sunday certainly wasnt on my list of concerns for Wednesday afternoon

#anyway. back to finishing S3. i cant believe at least one of wilsons wives actually felt like he spent too much time w house. its one of #those things that were like haha would you imagine to me and then it turns out tobe true and im like oh my god?#good for steve that hes getting a new roommate tho. i hope he doesn't try to eat him #actually i cant remember if steve is still alive or he died that one time house injected him w some virus to test a theory #im NOT googling though bc last time i did that i spoiled myself the series finale....#txt

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years

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one of the bad things about having such low social energy/social anhedonia/little interest in interacting with others in any capacity/ Hermit Disease™ is that like.. once every FIVE months here and there I’ll get fleeting bursts of social energy and will message one or two people to catch up with old friends or etc. and then it’s like...

tfw you message someone and then wake up the next morning to see that they REPLIED to your message so now you’re actually supposed to message them back, which is an obligation you were somehow not expecting despite the fact that YOU sent them a message

#I feel bad because it's like.. I know I WAS THE ONE who reached out to you but also I have depleted all of my energy stores and have like no #capacity to respond that this point.. Which usually I'll get to it in like 2-7 days and people who know me (people who I would actually #message) know this/are aware it doesn't mean anything/are okay with it so its not really a big deal but still lol #girls and squirrels i am so sorry i dont know what to tell you but I have Disorders gjhgbhj #oh same thing when someone messages me and then I respond and I'm like 'whew finally got that off the to do list! now I dont have to worry #about social interactions for the next few days' and they RESPOND to my RESPONSE within like 30 minutes of sending it #so now I'm back at the point where I owe them a response even though i JUST crossed that off my to do list ghbh #And there's some people out here who are like 'omg.. if people don't text me back in 30 minutes then they must hate me! i want to be texted #back immediately. true friends will drop everything theyre doing just to text you!! >:T' whereas I'm like #god if I reply to you and you reply back to me within less than 24 hours I'm going to scream... just give it a good 2 or 3 days.. let the #message sit PLEASE.. it's social buffer time.. let's recharge our energy... the the conov age like a fine wine #(unless it's urgent. obv if we're coordinating plans or scheduling something we both must reply promptly exactly)#AND ALS THIS IS just a caveat of text communication like I HATE text communication. another reason it's SO hard to find new friends is that #nobody wants to just talk on the phone/discord voice chat/Some Medium Of Real Time Audio Communication anymore #everyone is like.. 'oh just send short little messages through a stupid fucking chat client or text me or message me on a social media' and #it's like.................................... no........ i dont think I will #Real time communication is SO MUCH faster and more efficient like. It would take me 2 hours to type something that I could say in a 30 minut #e conversation. People who I have genuine conversations with (like 5 hour long talks) are the ones who are not afraid to just be like #'yeah i have somehting I want to talk to you about. can we schedule a phone call thursday at 10:30am?'#also like.. if you text me at 3pm I am not going to respond to the message (depending on the contents-obv will reply sooner if #urgent) probably until 3 or 4 days later. If you call me at 3pm then we're talking at 3pm for as long as you want (or as long as is practica #l - also assuming I'm not already in the middle of something etc. etc.)#Like phone calls/voice calls/whatever - are so good because it's immediate. no having to go through and spell check. I am also a rambling pe #rson with complicated thoughts and i AM INCAPABLE of having short conversations. no matter how hard I try #you send me a sentence of text and I will write back 3 paragraphs. this makes text-form communication THAT much more taxing and time consumi #ng - whereas I can explain even really complicated things in Real time in like 20 minutes MAX when it would take 1.5hr to type and proofrea #d and etc. in text. ALSO I love that it is a Structured ONE TIME interaction. I know eactly when a phone call will start and can plan for #when it will end. Text form communications are ongoing background interactions with no clear start or end. no structure. etc.#in person/phone/real time communication is just SO much easier for my brain to process and depletes my social energy slower #. it stinks that the entire earth is slowly moving away from the only form of social interaction that is convenient to me lol.. BUT ANYWAY

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killmebythebeach · 1 year

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Just finished tma. I have to go to fucking school tomorrow. How do I FUCKING BE A PERSON AFTER THAT?!?!

I'll probably reblog with more tags later (cuz 30 just isn't enough) but !!!

#you know the drill tma spoilers in the tags dont read tags unless youve watcged the whole series. statement begins #i never really cry over fiction and that held true but FUCK did i get close when jon said 'that ones for sasha'#ill get to the lamenting but let me talk about my fucking !!! first. helen my beloathed i was so fucking happy when you died #i enjoyed her character imensly but GOD was it satisfying to hear jon say 'helen... was that a lie?' and !!! shes a gaslight girlboss #hearing jude and notsasha get smited was also so good. hmmmm i love how slimy jude sounds and how corparate notsasha sounds too #love the moment when all the acatars jon kills realises theyve fucked up (careful who you bully in middleschool)#and daisy and basira :( never liked those two too much but it was still sad :( basira confuses me from a worldbuilding standpoint #i love it though. shes the only person in daisys domain and i think thats metal as fuck. but seeing trevor and breekon alone made me sad #and annabelle!!! stunning. love her. would die for her. shed let it happen.#that being said i want to punch her so fucking bad. shes the tape recorders?#i saw this post where it was like 'what kind of kid was jon that the web thought hed bring the apocolypse?' and i thought itwas exagerating #georgie and melanie! georgie was a favorite from s3 so im glad we get to see her a bit more! even if shes a... cult leader?#oh :( when jon leaves them to get martin from annabelle and when he comes back the other seven survivors are gone :(#i hate all the arguing though :( i have the nuance of an oreo so seeing my blorbos argue just makes me sad :(#anyway. night night my beloved. recollections my beloved. wonderland my beloved. checking out my beloved. gah!#and the rosie and elias statements!!! ive always wondered about rosie and now i wish i never found out!#and hearing jonah and jon work together on the elias statement sounded SO COOL!!!#with jonah being like the voices of all the people hes inhabited. and all the archivists wandering london like zombies!#i was sort of disapointed jonah wasnt like super hard to defeat but holy shiiiiiiiiiit #i. LOVE. the 200 statement. its like 10 minutes long but i just might have to make an animatic of it.#oh its so fucking cool. i always imagined the web and eye as the smart entity power duo but no.#the web was playing the eye like a cheap whistle the entire time. i guess the eye does need avatars to actually do much #like lonely your alone. end you die. desolation is your fault. spiral is all you. but eye needs people to do stuff with its information #martin and jon. Martin and Jon. MARTIN AND JON.#those fucking idiots. hearing martin enter the room and both him and the listeners realizing what happened felt like ORPHEUS turning around #dude. martin stabbing jon always gets joked about. i thought itd be a light hearted moment or some shit #and hearing the three girls at the end. basiras 'good luck'. gah. just hearing the birds chirping was enough #but i also get to know simon was probably mauled to death by a crowd wich i find hilarious.#jonahs 'good luck' as well. like sir. jonah fucking magnus does not have the right to choke me up.#the magnus archives

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