#No amount of sex or alcohol or fancy dinners / priceless art / material possessions can fill that loneliness. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chaosbled · 1 year

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What is holding you back?

the inability to see the good in yourself, therefore relying on others to provide it for you.

your heart is so full for the people you love. it's sweet, but you've now forgotten how to care for yourself. you only seem to see great things in the people around you. they're wonderful, and you... you don't like what you're seeing in yourself, right? you need to be reminded that you're enough. that you're talented. that you're worthy. that's partly the reason why you reach out so much. you need to hear it from the lips of someone "better" than you. but afterwards, it makes you feel even more guilty and upset. you feel like your actions are self absorbed. you're aiming for perfection because you see it in others. you're failing to see the flaws in everyone else. i promise, you're no monster. i could say this again and again, but will you believe me when i say you need to find it out for yourself?

Tagged: Stole it!

Tagging: @ofpowr @theircurse @boundcd @cursedlane @longerhuman @giftandguile @f4ilure @mckiingbiird

#;; God damn it this was spot-fucking-on.#Chuuya has so much internalized pain it’s not even funny.#He never feels like he’s good enough no matter how hard he tries.#He wants to be there for everyone he cares about but he doesn’t EXPECT other people to be there for him.#He’s so used to getting left behind that he’s internalized that pain.#And it sucks because he doesn’t even blame those that leave him; he blames HIMSELF #It wouldn’t have happened if he was better… if he was MORE.#And he doesn’t think very highly of himself. But he hides it well under the nice clothes and the cocky Mafioso swagger.#He’s trying to fill a void left behind by everything that’s been ripped away from him but it’s never enough.#No amount of sex or alcohol or fancy dinners / priceless art / material possessions can fill that loneliness.#But he keeps trying because what else can he do? Lay in a ditch and wait for death?#Absolutely not. Not as long as there’s a chance the people he loves could still need him someday.#This goes all the way back to his days with the Sheep.#He protected them. They took him in when he was alone & he felt he owed them because of it.#But at some point they started seeing him as a weapon instead of a kid just like them.#And the second he chooses to prioritize what HE wants for a chance they stab him in the back.#That cemented the idea for him that he needs to put other people first. Or he’ll lose them.#{ DASH GAMES }#CHARACTER STUDY || Upon The Tainted Sorrow { Chuuya }

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