#Me: *writing a fic about a nonbinary person who likes girls really liking the beatles* | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nerdy-nonbinary · 7 years

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Carry That Weight

The hardest part, she soon realized, was finding the moment to say it. It wasn’t like she and Midoriya were close or anything, though they weren’t strangers like they had been before. But he had his friends, and she had hers, and even in the occasional moments they’d had together alone, it’s not like she could just say, “Hey, can I talk to you about my gender problems?”

Jirou’s brain has been abuzz constantly since that day. Sure, she had heard of being transgender before, but it always seemed so distant from her own reality. And yes, she had always hated her chest a bit more than what seemed to be normal, but she’d always brushed it aside, chalking it up to jealousy over other girls for her small chest. It also explained why she stared at the girls in her middle school too much. It was just jealousy, right?

Looking back, she felt so stupid at how long it took her to realize she was gay. She wore her lesbian identity with pride now, especially with the purple pervert out of the way. She had everything she’d wanted in middle school. Accepting friends, a massive crush on a certain class rep that may or may not be requited, and a place where, if that crush ever went anywhere, she wouldn’t have to live in fear. She thought she’d be happy.

But there was a tiny itch in the back of her brain, one that latched on and refused to let go. Some days, it was barely there, and she thought she was finally past the confusion that had set in, but other days, every “she” and “girls” and brush of her uniform against her knees left her screaming in her head, and she was almost certain she was developing insomnia with the way she put off going back to the girls’ dorm some nights.

Tonight was one of those nights. She had resigned herself to another day of coffee-powered torture, and plugged herself into her phone, hoping some music would calm her nerves enough to let her zone out. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it), she wasn’t alone that sleepless night.

Midoriya was sitting inches from the TV, notebook in hand, furiously writing notes on a hero who had made their debut that day. Their power was something having to do with sand. Turning into it? Controlling it? She hadn’t been paying attention, but she heard Midoriya’s pencil furiously scratching down notes, determined to put all his thoughts on the paper. She realized he had been sitting there for several minutes, unmoving except for his hand and the occasional glance at the screen. It was a bit unnerving, honestly.

“Might want to get back a bit. Sitting too close can hurt your eyes, you know,” She called out.

Midoriya shouted, leaping back from his spot at the TV. “AH! Oh, uh, hey, Jirou. Sorry, kinda forgot there was someone else here.”

“It got you away from the TV, at least.” She absentmindedly patted the couch next to her. “Want a seat? It’s probably more comfortable than the floor.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks.” Midoriya sat next to her, and she could feel his anxiety shooting through the air.

“Dude, you don’t have to be so nervous. It’s just a couch, it’s not gonna bite you.”

“Ha ha, yeah,” he laughed halfheartedly, but she could tell there was something else he wanted to say. “Say, Jirou, could I ask you something?”

She panicked, a little bit. She hoped he hadn’t caught her discomfort (dysphoria? She wasn’t sure if she could call it that). If it had really been that obvious, she’d flip, but since he was trans, he may have been more in tune with the signs. She prayed it was that latter, and braced herself for his question.

“Could you give me some music recommendations?”

“Huh?” She was not expecting that.

“I mean, it’s no surprise you the most musically inclined in the class, and you listen to music on your phone a lot, so I thought you’d be able to help.”

“Yeah, sure,” She replied. “So, what kind of music do you listen to?”

“Uhhh… none?”

Jirou’s jaw dropped. “Wait. You’re telling me you’ve gone all sixteen years of your life without ever hearing a single song?”

“No, not like that! Of course I’ve heard music! I just mean, I’ve never really gone out of my way to listen to any. I’ve just heard whatever others have been playing. So, I guess I just wanna find music I actually want to listen to. I just have no idea where to start.”

Jirou’s heart stopped hammering against her chest. She understood people led different lives, but life without music? She couldn’t imagine. “Okay. Do you have any idea of what kind of music you might like? Genre, instrument, hell, even language. Just give me a jumping off point.”

Midoriya thought for a long moment. “I guess… I like guitar, electric especially. And I think there’s a band who I’ve heard a few songs from and enjoyed. They were British, and listening to English music is fun, especially when it helps you learn the language. They had something to do with bugs…”

“The Beatles?”

“Yeah, those guys! Could you show me their music?”

“Which kind? Their early, cheesy love songs? Their mellow ballads? Their psychedelic sitar stuff?”

Midoriya shrugged. “I don’t know. All of it? There can’t be that much, they weren’t together for very long.”

Jirou stared, then smiled a devious grin. “Honey, you’ve got a big storm coming.”

—–

“What the fuck was that?!?”

“I know, right? You think you’re prepared, but nothing can prepare you for Revolution 9.”

“God, I’m going to hear that chanting in my nightmares for weeks.” Midoriya shuddered. Suddenly, something fell over on a table behind them, and he turned around. “Hello?”

A quiet voice whispered in his ear. “Number nine, number ni-“

“Ahhhh!!! Jirou!” He pushed her away, and she fell over laughing. “God, I can’t believe that scared me. I’ve fought villains, for God’s sake!”

“Even veterans like me get the chills, my student. Now, kneel.” Midoriya stared at her with a confused look. “I said, kneel!”

“Fine, fine,” he gave her a questioning grin before relenting, getting off the couch and kneeling before her, his head bowed. She grabbed her phone and began to play Hey Jude, then held it out like a sword. “By the powers vested in me by our lords and saviors Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, and Starr, May they rest in peace, I now dub thee a true Beatles fan.” She tapped his shoulders and head with her phone before they both fell over, trying to muffle their laughs from their sleeping classmates, who must have been cursing their 2 AM rampage.

Midoriya wipes tears from his eyes, catching his breath as he climbed back on the couch. “God, Jirou, I wish we’d hung out before this. I never knew you had such a great sense of humor!”

“I reserve it for friends. Everyone else gets my leftover dredges of sarcasm.”

“Wow, I used to be so afraid to talk to girls like you. Did you know I was proud of myself for just mumbling to Uraraka on the day of the entrance exams?”

“Ha ha, wow…” She tried to feign laughter, but being called “girl” again just sucked all the energy out of her. It wasn’t even his fault, and still she just felt empty. What was wrong with her head?

“Is something wrong, Jirou?” Shit. He’s picked up on it.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” she tried to steer the focus away from her discomfort. “I’ve just been thinking about stuff.”

“Wait. Is it because I said girl?” Why did he have to be so damn perceptive? “Oh my god, Jirou, are you trans?” Now what was she gonna say? “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, so you have another name, well I call you your last name, but still should I-“

“Stop!” Her world was spinning, and she couldn’t control her voice. Everything was out of her control. She felt herself falling, falling. She had to grab something. “No, I’m not a boy.” She dangled from a small ledge by one hand. “But I don’t know if I’m a girl either.” Two hands up. “I don’t want to bother you, I don’t want you to feel like you’re the class’s “trans messiah”, here to teach us all of the complexities of gender or anything.” Shit. Her sarcasm made her fingers slip, she was about to plummet into oblivion.

Suddenly, a hand caught her, just as she was about to fall. She looked into a pair of startling green eyes. “I’m here if you want to talk, Jirou. I don’t mind.”

“Okay…” Jirou was hesitant. She wasn’t used to sharing things so openly. She was barely at this point with Yaoyorozu, her best friend, yet Midoriya gave off this vibe that just made her feel safe. He really was meant to be a hero. “I’m not really sure what it is. I’ve never really liked my chest, but I always just assumed it was because I was jealous of all the other girls in my school having bigger ones than me. I always stared at them too long, but I brushed it off as jealousy, you know? Turns I was just very, very gay, and there were a lot of really pretty girls at my school.” Midoriya laughed, and Jirou felt a bit more tension lift from her shoulders. She smiled. “But after what happened with… him, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Some days it’s barely there, and other days being called a girl makes me want to tear my hair out and scream.” She suddenly became quiet. “That’s why I’m out here tonight. I couldn’t bear to go back to the “girls” dorm, when it felt so wrong. I just don’t know what I am anymore.”

They sat in silence, Midoriya processing everything she had said. Jirou was about to make a break for it, resigning herself to a night of discomfort, when Midoriya asked, “Jirou, have you ever heard of being ‘nonbinary’?”

“No, should I have?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. Being nonbinary means you aren’t a boy or a girl. Or, at least fully.”

Jirou stared in disbelief. “Wait a second. I don’t have to pick one?”

“Of course not, no more than I have to be the gender I was assigned. Here, this is a good starting point.” He hands her his phone, open to a webpage titled “Beyond the Binary”. He watched her scroll through the page in awe. After a few minutes, she handed it back to him.

“Holy shit,” she said. “I think I’m nonbinary.”

“Congrats!”

“Wait, can I be nonbinary and a lesbian? I’m still female-aligned, I think, so am I misusing it? Or does it not count cause I’m not really a girl? Do I have to find a new name for that, too?” Jirou had found so much comfort in her lesbian identity. She wasn’t sure she could give that up. Luckily, it didn’t seem she had to.

“No, you can be nonbinary and a lesbian, if that’s what makes you feel comfortable. Do you want me to keep using she pronouns? Or something else?”

Jirou thought for a moment. “I don’t mind she and her, I don’t think, but… could you try they/them as well?”

“Sure! Here, I’ll try them out. This is my friend Jirou, they’re in my class at school and they made me listen to some really fucked up music tonight.”

“Shut up!” They shoved him off the couch, laughing until their bellies ached, and they realized, for the first time in a long time, they were content with who they were. Who they are. They were nonbinary, they were gay, they were a hero in training, and they were laughing their head off with a new-found friend at 2 AM. Everything finally felt right.

#boku no hero academia #bnha #my hero academia #mha #jirou kyouka #midoriya izuku #trans guy Izuku Midoriya #trans Izuku Midoriya #trans character #nonbinary character #nonbinary Jirou Kyouka #nonbinary headcanon #trans bnha #my own post #Me: *writing a fic about a nonbinary person who likes girls really liking the beatles*#Me?? Projecting?? No way

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